I Know Those Eyes
by c. anna cullen
Summary: A chance encounter at the worst moment of one's life can leave a person wholly and permanently changed, but is it always for the better? M for lemons and language
1. Prologue

**A/N**

**So this little one-shot turned out to be a little longer than I thought it would be, so I've decided to post it in three parts (not including these A/N).**

**It was inspired by a song called She Could Be You by Shawn Hlookoff. You may know it as that song from Kyle XY (another recent addiction of mine). Before you read, take a sec to go listen. It's a beautiful and haunting song. There's a link to it on my profile or it's also available on iTunes.**

**The Prologue is K+ but from there on out, it gets lemony and languagy, so if you're not 18+ I suggest you hightail it out of here and come back in a few years.**

**Alright on to the A/N's**

**I have a particular memory of a beach trip from when I was a kid. Growing up in Maine, we spent a fair amount of time at the shore every summer, but there's one specific trip I recall. I couldn't have been more than 5 or 6 at the time, and at some point during our day, I met a girl about my age with dark curly hair. As only children can, we became instant friends and spent the day bodysurfing, building sand castles and scouring the tide pools. We were both good swimmers and I remember clambering into the ocean and racing each other to see how far out we each dared to go. We were actually called back in by the lifeguards for swimming too far out to sea. And we were only six!**

**That day was fantastic, so much so that I still have such vivid memories twenty plus years later. And I felt at the time, as I still do, that if I ever met that girl again, we would recognize each other immediately and resume our friendship on the spot.**

**This story draws on that experience, as it may have occurred in Bella and Edward's lives. I hope you enjoy it.**

**By the way, if you were that little girl on Crescent Beach so many years ago, this is for you. I wish I could remember your name****.**

**Prologue **

**Edward POV**

I smiled dutifully at the girl as she and her parents set up their blanket right next to ours. She had a pail and shovel in one hand and seeing these, I rolled my eyes. _Baby toys._ When my mother had offered to bring my old sand toys, I had thrown a fit. I wasn't a kid anymore and I didn't want those stupid things. Sand castles were dumb. I was going into second grade this year; I was not a baby anymore.

My mother had smiled, but urged me, "Don't grow up too fast, Edward." She had looked sad as she said it, and I turned now to gaze at her. She was resting in her chair, eyes closed, underneath our beach umbrella. She looked tired. She always looked tired now.

The doctor had told Daddy the sunshine would be good for Mommy so we had come to the Maine shore this summer. Mommy was sick, very sick. I wasn't supposed to know how sick; Daddy and Dr. Fisher always sent me out of the room whenever they talked about it, but I had listened at the door once.

"Three months." That's what Dr. Fisher had said. "Take some time off, Carlisle. Spend it as a family. Take Edward and Alice to the seashore. The sun will be good for Esme."

So here we were, at the beach. I wasn't sure what was going to happen in three months, but I knew it was bad. I wasn't sure I _wanted_ to know. Tears welled up in my eyes as I wished I'd never eavesdropped on that stupid conversation. I dropped my gaze back to the beach in front of me, and as I played with the sand between my toes, the colors began to swim together. I didn't want to cry, not here. I didn't want to upset Mommy. Daddy said upsetting her made her sicker, so I had to be good.

I was glad he and little Alice had gone down to the water's edge to play in the waves. And Mommy was sleeping now, so there was no one to see me cry. I angrily wiped away my tears and a flash of orange beside me caught my attention. Startled, I looked up, squinting in the bright sunshine.

_She_ was standing there. That stupid girl whose stupid family had decided they _had_ to sit right next to us. She was standing there, dumb baby toys in hand, staring at me. It made me mad, so I stuck my tongue out and blew raspberries at her.

"Honey," I hear her mother call. We both turned towards the voice and the girl smiled brightly as her mother snapped a Polaroid. The girl bounded back over to her mother begging to see the result.

I turned back towards the water, but the girl was back before I could even re-bury my toes in the sand. She marched over to me and sat down on _our_ blanket. I scooted away from her, glaring into her big brown eyes and ignoring the stupid photo she wanted to show me.

She smiled sweetly at me and asked, "Do you want to build a sand castle with me?"

"Sand castles are dumb," I replied. "That's a baby's game."

"So?" she asked. "It's fun." I rolled my eyes and glanced back at my mother. She was fast asleep and hadn't even noticed the dumb girl who had joined us.

"It's dumb," I repeated. "I don't want to." I hoped she would give up and leave.

"Do you want to go look at the tide pools and catch snails?" She looked at me eagerly.

"No," I said grumpily. _Stupid girl, go away!_

"Why not?"

"I'm…going for a walk," I announced and immediately stood up and walked away from her. I headed a little ways down the beach. I could still see Daddy and Alice playing in the waves, but they hadn't noticed that I had left. I walked down closer to the water where my feet sank into the wet sand. I stood in one spot for a minute, letting the waves run up over my toes and waited for the tide to bury my feet. Once they were almost covered with sand, I jumped out of my little sand prison. The "splooch" it made as my feet broke free made me laugh.

"I like the noise it makes." I spun around to see the girl had followed me. She was standing behind me in her stupid yellow bathing suit, with her stupid orange bucket in one hand and the dumb photograph in the other.

I turned and angrily walked up the beach, splashing noisily as I went. Twenty yards away, I snuck a peek behind me. _She's _still_ following me!_

"What do you want?" I demanded, spinning back around. "Why are you following me?"

"I'm just taking a walk." She smiled. "The tide pools are right over there." She pointed towards the end of the sand where rocks took over the beach. Mommy had told me all about the tide pools and they _did _sound fun. Mommy had said there were always water-bugs and snails and barnacles to look at.

"Want to go catch snails?" she asked again hopefully.

I _did_ want to, but I didn't want to admit it. I looked back towards my family. Daddy and Alice were now playing in the sand and still hadn't noticed my absence. Mommy was still sleeping. I turned back to the girl.

"Bet you only want me to come so I'll catch them for you. You probably think they're slimy and gross 'cause you're a _girl_," I said haughtily.

"Nuh-uh!" She pouted in retort. "I'm not afraid of them! I bet I can catch more than you."

"Bet you can't!" We looked at each other for a brief moment, and then we both turned and ran for the rocks. _She's fast...for a girl._ She almost beat me, but she tripped a few feet from the rocks. Her orange bucket and photo went flying as she fell forward. I watched her land on all fours and waited for the tears. _She's going to cry. Girls _always_ cry. Oh, great._ She stumbled to her feet and certainly looked as if she wanted to cry but just wiped her hands on her bathing suit and sniffed a little.

"Um, you okay?" I asked hesitantly; I was still waiting for the sobs to start.

"I'm okay," she mumbled. She was looking down at her hands and I could see they were scraped and starting to bleed under the sand that was still caked on.

"You should wash them off," I said in my best grown-up voice. "Or else they'll get infected…with like, bugs or something."

"Bugs?" She stared at me, her eyes getting wide. _Uh-oh. Here come the tears._

"Well, maybe not bugs. I don't really know," I confessed. "But you should wash them off. Here." I ran over to where her bucket and photo had landed and picked them both up. Wading into the ocean, I bent over and filled the pail with water, then carried it back to where she stood.

Her eyes were still brimming with tears but she smiled bravely at me. I returned the smile tentatively. _This girl isn't anything like the dumb girls back home,_ I thought to myself.

She rinsed her hands off in the bucket while I continued to hold her photo. Once the sand was gone, I could see the scrapes were pretty bad, and I was impressed again that she wasn't bawling like a baby. She dumped the rest of the water out of the pail, then promptly took her photo back and placed it safely in the bottom. Her hands were still bleeding a little, so I offered to carry it.

"Maybe we shouldn't catch snails," I suggested. "If you want to go back-"

"You're just afraid I'll beat you," she said, tossing her brown hair. "And you don't want to get beat by a _girl!_"

"Am not!" She laughed and pushed past me, heading for the rocks. I grabbed her pail and scrambled after her.

"Hey, you! Hey girl, wait up!" I yelled, as I ran to catch up with her. I crested the highest outcropping of rock and nearly ran into her. She was facing me, her hands on her hips, and looked like my mom did when I got on her nerves.

"Um, why'd you stop?"

"What'd you call me?" she demanded.

"Uh…girl?" I replied nervously.

"Well, that's not my name."

"Well, I don't know your name, and you are a girl."

"I'm Bella, _boy._" She smirked.

"Well, Bella, I'm Edward," I replied, holding out my hand. She shook it and we both smiled. "Now, let's hunt!"

We hunted snails for nearly an hour, before it occurred to me that neither of us had told our parents where we had gone. "Do you think your parents will worry?" I asked her as she leaned over the biggest tide pool. She was watching a water-bug skim across the surface. Her brown hair fell around her face and like the bug, was just skimming across the surface of the water. She didn't answer so I asked again, and then walked over to sit beside her on the wet rocks.

"They probably won't notice," she said quietly. "Too busy fighting."

"Do they fight a lot?" I asked. I began playing with a smooth pebble lying beside me so I wouldn't have to look at her. _What if she starts crying again?_ I didn't know what to do if she did, but I wouldn't blame her for that. _Sometimes, you have to cry._

"All the time," she said, sniffing a little. "I think they're going to get a divorce." Her voice was almost a whisper.

I didn't know how to respond to this deep dark fear she had just revealed to me…so I did the only thing I could. I gave her my own terrifying secret in return. "I think my Mommy's going to die." I could feel the tears welling up, but I didn't care. I'd never told anyone that belief. I'd never even admitted it to myself, and my secret hurt so bad I didn't care who saw me cry.

I waited to see if she would laugh at my tears and call me a "baby," but she didn't.I looked up at her and saw tears and sympathy in her brown eyes. _This girl is crying for my Mommy._ It was strange that she wouldn't cry when she got hurt or when she told me her parents fought, but now, here she was crying 'cause _my_ mom was sick. _She is definitely not like the girls back home. She's different. She's Bella. My Bella._ I smiled sadly at this thought and glanced at "my" Bella.

She was smiling sadly back at me, and as we looked into each other's eyes, I felt her soft hand curl into mine.

**Bella POV**

We sat on the edge of the tide pool, holding hands and watching the barnacles open up and stick their little feet out. Every once in a while I would reach out and touch one, just to see it close up; they were so quick! Edward would laugh and I would join him. _I wonder if they can hear in there. I wish I had a shell to hide in when my parents fight._ I leaned in closer to Edward. He was warm and safe and quiet. I liked that. I liked the quiet, nobody yelling or screaming.

Edward and I sat there together, not talking, just being together, for a long time. Something had happened between us. I had never told anyone, not even Jessica or Angela, about my parents. _I don't know why I told Edward. He's doesn't chatter on and on like Jessica, I guess. _Angela was quiet but I was scared she'd tell her parents and they'd tell my parents if I ever admitted it to her. And Daddy would be mad at me for telling other people our problems. _Telling people_ their_ problems. Stupid parents._ I sighed and squeezed Edward's hand. It was nice, holding his hand. Boys weren't as gross as they looked. At least, Edward wasn't.

The snails and water-bugs were so fascinating, we didn't even notice the sea creeping closer until a giant wave broke over the rocks next to us, splattering us both with icy water. I screamed and jumped up, scrambling over Edward to get away from cold water.

"Aw, it's not that cold!" he said laughing.

"It's freezing." I stuck out my tongue and laughed.

"Nah, you just have to get used to it," he replied, bending over to kick water from the tide pool at me. I screamed again and ducked, trying to avoid the spray. Smiling to myself, I quickly grabbed a big chunk of slimy seaweed in one hand. I waited patiently until he turned back to the tide pool and then heaved it at him.

It hit him in the shoulder and he cried out as he got slimed. "What's the matter? Is it too gross for you?"

"Not as nasty as this one," he said, hurling a smaller clump back at me.

I laughed and squealed as the clump caught me in the head, the slippery tendrils clinging to my hair. I quickly grabbed another one and a seaweed war ensued. We were both breathless from laughing, long before we had run out of ammo. Finally, I collapsed, worn out, on a small ledge that overlooked a tide pool.

Still giggling, Edward sat next to me and dipped his toes into the still water below us. I picked up one of the bombs that had missed its target and began popping the little sacks on the end of each stringy branch. I smiled, as some of them burst and squirted us both with sea water. Edward watched me, fascinated.

"It's like bubble wrap," I said, giggling and offering him a piece. He popped one and laughed as it squirted my cheek.

"Eeww!" I squealed, wiping the water off my face. He smiled and as he reached over to get a spot I missed, our eyes caught. His eyes were stormy green, the same color as the sea when the sun hit it. I blushed as I realized I thought he was pretty.

"Your cheeks are all red," he said quizzically.

"No, they're not!" I countered, but quickly turned and looked out at the ocean, letting my hair fall down around my face. We fell silent and watched the waves. It was getting later and the sea breeze had turned cool. I shivered, wishing I had thought to bring my towel. My thin yellow bathing suit did not offer much warmth. Edward scooted closer and put his arm around my shoulders. I smiled and followed suit.

"We should be friends," he announced as we sat there.

"Okay." I smiled shyly. _I've never had a friend who was a boy before, _I thought to myself. _But I've never met a boy like Edward. He's nice and fun and…pretty._

Afraid he would notice my cheeks color again, I quickly asked, "What's your favorite color?"

Confused, he turned to me. "Why?"

"Friends should know these things," I replied. I knew everything about my friend Jess, but that was mostly because she never stopped talking. The strange thing was I _wanted_ to know these things about Edward.

"Oh, okay. Well, my favorite color is blue. What's yours?"

"Green," I answered automatically. _Why did I say green? _Yellow had always been my favorite color. I had even picked out this bathing suit because it was yellow. I didn't have time to wonder about the sudden change though because Edward began asking more questions immediately.

"What's your favorite food?"

"Um…spaghetti!"

He laughed at this answer and continued on. "I like chicken nuggets. What's your favorite book?"

"_The Lion,_ _The Witch And The Wardrobe_," I announced solemnly. I was a very good reader and was very proud of this fact. _The Lion, The Witch And The Wardrobe_ was a big kid's book, fourth or fifth grade at least, and I was only going into second grade. "But I like picture books, too," I said quickly, seeing the surprised look on Edward's face. "I want to be an author when I grow up. I want to write books and draw pictures for them."

_I've never told anyone that before,_ I thought surprised. Mommy had wanted to write children's books, too, before she had married Daddy. But Daddy thought it was a silly job and they had decided she should get a real job so they could "make ends meet." I didn't know which end was supposed to be meeting what but I figured it was about money. They always fought about money. I didn't dare tell Daddy I wanted to write books in case he got mad about my "ends meeting."

"I bet you'd be a really good author." Edward's smile brought me back from unpleasant memories.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" I asked, pulling my knees up against me and resting my chin on them. I watched him think about the question. His forehead got all wrinkly, and he squinted a little when he was deep in thought. I liked it.

"I like," he began, but broke off as his cheeks turned pink.

"What?" I was curious to know what he was thinking.

"I like playing the piano." He began poking at the seaweed beside him.

"You can play the piano?" I exclaimed.

His cheeks turned bright red at my reaction and he mumbled, "Yeah, I started playing when I was little. Mommy says I have the hands for it."

He stared down at his hands as he said this, and I knew he was worried about his mom. It made me sad to see him sad, so I leaned in closer to him. I reached over and took one of his hands in my own. He had long skinny fingers that were pale like the rest of him.

"Hmmm," I said, eyeing his fingers seriously. "I don't know. These look more like seaweed-throwing hands. Maybe that should be your job."

He burst out laughing and pushed me playfully. "I don't know if seaweed-throwing pays very well, dear," he said in a very grown-up voice.

"Well then, I guess I'll have to make the money with my book-writing," I responded in the same exasperated tone my mother used, whenever she lectured my dad. We both laughed and Edward rested his hand back in mine. I smiled and linked our fingers together.

"BELLA!" I dropped Edward's hand in surprise as my father's voice bellowed up from the sand below.

Edward glanced at me. "Uh-oh," he said quietly. Reaching down beside me, he grabbed my pail. "We'd better go. Your dad sounds mad." He held out his hand and I took it shyly. We made our way back over the rocks to where my father and Edward's parents were waiting in the sand.

Daddy was standing there with his hands on his hips. He looked very, very mad. "Where have you been? You knew I had a conference tonight and your mother and I have been searching all over for you. You can't just wander off on your own, young lady!" He continued to yell at me while marching me back towards our blanket. Mommy was talking worriedly to a lifeguard and crying. As soon as she saw me, she came running towards me, her arms open.

"Bella! Oh, Bella!" She wrapped her arms around me. "Where have you been, you naughty girl?" I tried to squirm out of her grip. I could hear Edward's daddy yelling at him, and I wanted to go back, tell his daddy that it was my fault, but my mother held fast to me.

"Mommy, I was playing with Edward. Mommy, you're squishing me." I squirmed more and she finally released me, but not without swatting me on the bum for wandering off first.

"Who's Edward?" she asked as she fussed over me, picking seaweed out of my hair and brushing sand off of my bathing suit.

"Edward's my friend," I said as I pointed back to where the sand and rocks met. Edward was standing there, looking heartbroken as his daddy hollered at him. His mommy stood nearby, holding a little girl's hand. The little girl was crying, and Edward's mommy was trying to comfort her. His mommy was even whiter than he was and looked like she had a tummy ache. I wondered if Edward was right, if she was going to die, and it immediately made me sad. She looked like a nice mommy. _Poor Edward._

My mother was watching Edward's daddy and clucked her tongue. "You should make better friends, dear. Bella, honey, we have to go. We're late and your wandering did not help matters. Come along." She headed back towards our blanket, which Daddy was already shaking out to pack away. I remained where I was.

Daddy glanced in our direction, saw me still standing there and barked sharply, "Renee!"

"But Mommy," I cried, tears in my eyes. "I just want to say good-bye!"

"Young lady, we are late," she said sharply. "We'll be back to Maine next summer. You can see your little friend then."

I turned back towards where Edward was standing with his family. He was looking back at me. Tears began to spill down my cheeks. _He looks so sad! Edward!_

"Isabella, let's go!" my father ordered. Seeing my tears, he softened his tone. "We'll be back to the beach next year. You can play then." He took my hand and led me away from my Edward. I sobbed quietly as we walked. My eyes stayed on Edward, my orange pail still in his hand, until he disappeared behind the sand dune that separated the beach from the parking lot.

"We'll be back next summer, sweetie," my mother said sympathetically, patting my head as I climbed into the car. "You can see him again then."

It was the first of many lies they told me.

**Edward POV**

I watched her go and I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. Daddy was yelling at me, telling me I was going to make mommy sicker with my childish behavior, but I wasn't listening. _My Bella! They're taking my Bella!_ Overcome, I burst into tears, and my father's ranting finally subsided.

"Now, now, Edward," he said, awkwardly patting my shoulder. "There's no need to cry. Be a big boy. You're too old for tears." I obediently wiped away my tears but I could not stop them from falling.

"Oh, Carlisle, you've upset him," Mommy scolded Daddy. "No one got hurt. There's no need to go on."

"Dear, he needs to learn responsibility. He can't spend his life with his head up in the clouds. And frankly, he knows better than to upset you, Esme. You can't afford a shock like that." Daddy dropped his voice at the end, but I wasn't really listening anyway. I was still staring at the sand dune that Bella and her parents had disappeared behind.

"Let's go," Daddy instructed as he reached down to pick up Alice. Mommy stopped him.

"I've got her," she said as she hoisted Alice up onto her hip.

"Esme-"

"I said, I've got her," Mommy said sharply. "Edward, help your father carry the sand toys." I obediently picked up Alice's toys and added them to the orange bucket I already carried. Fighting tears, I followed my parents up the beach in the opposite direction to where Bella and her parents had gone. Though I stumbled and tripped the whole way, I refused to take my eyes away from the place where she had vanished until it was long out of sight.

My lip trembling, I dropped my gaze to the sand in front of me, tears falling freely now. I stepped in Mommy's tracks in the sand, and as I walked behind her, I watched Alice babbling in her arms. It was the last time she carried Alice. She got too sick after that.


	2. Chapter 1

**Standard disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer is a goddess and all the characters belong to her. :)**

**Thank you, as always, to Bee (IrishTwiSisters), the bestest Beta EVER. And a shout out to Em (landdownunder) for ensuring Edward has a sweet ride.**

**Incidentally, this chapter contains my first lemon (*blush*) so I hope it's worthy of our dearest Edward.**

**Without further ado, I'd like you to meet Edward. Enjoy!**

**Edward POV**

I woke with a start and groaned. _God, what was that?_ I had been dreaming about…something. I couldn't remember what now. I never remembered my dreams. I rolled over and looked at the clock. The alarm would be going off in a few minutes. I groaned again and sat up. I was hard as a rock, but I had shit to do and my cock would have to wait. I kicked off the sheets and swung my legs over the edge of the bed. Switching off the alarm, I yawned loudly.

I staggered out of bed and headed for the treadmill on the far side of the room. My bedroom consisted of the top floor of my town house and the treadmill was on the other side of the stairwell, next to my baby grand. I gave the piano a quick glance as I passed it. My sister Alice regularly complained about the money I had spent on it and the trouble I had gone to in order to get it up two flights of stairs.

"You don't even play, Edward. It's kind of ridiculous." She was right, as usual but just the sight of it brought me comfort. I shook my head and smiled at the memory of my baby sister. I hadn't spoken to her in awhile and her birthday was coming up. _I should probably call her._

The Anderson file was propped up on the treadmill console, and I groaned again. I flipped it open and began reading through my notes as I had my morning run.

_The little bastard robbed _another_ convenience store! _ I prided myself on being the best criminal attorney in Portland even if half the little shits I defended didn't deserve me. Toby Anderson was a dangerous and moronic delinquent, but his daddy was rich. _If he can pay the bills, I can get him off, _I thought sarcastically. _Frankly, if the damn cops did _their_ jobs properly, my job wouldn't be so damn easy._

"'Course it would be even easier if the jackass would stop holding up 7-Elevens." I shut the case file and jumped off the treadmill. I grabbed the hand towel off of the treadmill bar and began mopping the sweat off my face. More sweat dripped down my pecs, and I stopped to admire myself in the full-length mirror next to the bathroom.

My chestnut hair was gleaming with perspiration and was still untidy from sleep. I was fit. I kept my body in impeccable shape and even my grayish-green eyes were as sharp and hard as my muscles. And _all_ of my muscles were hard. I glanced down at my erection and shook my head. _Fuckin' morning wood was back._

I threw the hand towel into the laundry basket and wandered into the bathroom to turn on the shower. While I waited for the water to warm up, my cell phone rang. I headed back out to my bedroom to where the phone was still sitting on the charger. _Missed Call – Alice._ No, definitely too early to deal with her. I adored my baby sister but only in small doses. She was constantly trying to break me out of my bachelor status and it was irritating. She often said the girls would be lining up for me if I'd just get over myself. I laughed at the tone she always used when she lectured me and wondered if she'd bothered to get a real job yet. Alice was cute, sweet and quirky. _She was also terribly immature and irresponsible. She's 30 years old. Time to get your head out of the clouds, dear._ I sounded like my father, and I knew it, but the old man had a point.

Alice had always been spoiled and pampered by my father and me. Since my mother had died when I was eight, we had both sought to protect her from the world, but now I feared we had made her soft. _Maybe we should have let her take a few hits, toughened her up. She needs to grow up._ I shook my head at the enigma that was my baby sister and headed for the shower.

The hot water felt good on my spent muscles and my cock still ached for release. I grasped the shaft and began stroking. I grunted as pleasure washed over me and began pumping faster, anxious for the climax. It didn't take long before I felt the sensations inside of me and I erupted onto the shower tile. I moaned in relief and rested my forehead against the cold wall as the hot water washed my cum down the drain.

I sighed and reached for the shampoo. I was hard again before I could even finish washing my hair. I swore out loud and ran my fingers through my hair, rinsing out the last of the soap. I hurried through a shave, nicking myself twice and swearing some more.

"I do not have time for this shit this morning," I muttered as my dick ached for more attention and my chin continued to bleed. But my hard-on would not be deterred.

I wrapped my hand around the throbbing muscle and began pumping again, slower this time; I wanted to enjoy it. I ran my thumb over the head and moaned as it sent shivers through me. That was all it took, and I was immediately beating myself faster. I felt the pressure build and actually cried aloud as I came on the shower wall.

"Horny as a fucking teenager," I said as I stood there panting. I finished rinsing off and climbed out of the shower. I grabbed a towel from the linen closet and began drying off, thankful my cock had finally calmed down.

I snatched up a sheet of toilet paper and inspected the damage to my face. "Fuck, and on a court day and all." My morning was not going well. I quickly finished drying off and grabbed my favorite suit from the closet. It was a charcoal grey singled breasted Armani, and I saved it specifically for court. A pale green shirt and black on black tie completed the outfit.

_Now, if I can just find my shoes._ Alice said I had more shoes and clothes than most women. _So I have style and money, nothing wrong with that,_ I thought as I laced up my wingtips. _In fact, dear Alice, you bought me this shirt, told me it brought out my eyes. So frankly, you're enabling me to have the biggest closet in the northeast._ I chuckled to myself as I returned to the mirror to survey the final product.

My hair was still slightly damp and I fussed at it with my fingers. I headed back into the bathroom. I eyed the barrage of hair products Alice had sent last Christmas, and I was completely perplexed. _Mud? Why would I put _mud_ in my hair?_ Finally, I chose a styling gel that promised it would increase the volume and last all day. I laughed out loud as I checked to be sure it was meant for my _hair._

"Dirty mind like a teenager, too, Edward." I ran my fingers through my chestnut locks till they were sufficiently tousled. _Just-fucked hair_, that's how Alice referred to this style, and I shuddered to think of my baby sister knowing things like that.

Satisfied that I looked good and was ready for the trial today, I headed back out to my bedroom and grabbed the case file that was still resting on my treadmill. I headed downstairs to the second floor and grabbed an apple from the fruit bowl in the kitchen. Shoving the Anderson file into my briefcase, I headed down and out the door to the street below.

It was only five or six blocks from my townhouse to the firm on Commercial Street, but I preferred to drive. My townhouse did not come with off-street parking for nothing. I threw my briefcase onto the passenger seat of my Lamborghini Diablo and backed out of my driveway.

I was the youngest partner at the law firm of Noyes, Kingston & Cullen and I worked my ass off to get my name on the door. Half the criminals in New England were walking the streets because of me. I was a damn fine criminal defense attorney, and people throughout the northeast asked for me by name. I chuckled as I recalled Alice asking me once why I had gone into private practice. I had laughed at her when she suggested I seek a position as a DA for the state, and I had promptly told her that I didn't take charity cases.

My personal motto was "If you can pay, you will walk." _Haven't lost a case yet and that is why I make the big bucks,_ I thought to myself as I strolled into the office twenty minutes late.

"Good morning, Mr. Cullen."

"Good morning, Attorney Cullen." I nodded replies to the various secretaries and paralegals. I could never remember their friggin' names. I afforded a hot blond one a smile as she passed.

"Good morning, Mr. Cullen," she said. Her eyes roamed down to my crotch as she passed.

"Good morning," I stopped in my tracks and turned back towards her, enjoying the view. "I don't believe I've seen you here before. Is this your first day?" I asked as I casually eye-fucked her.

"Oh, no. I don't actually work here. I was just dropping off some files to Attorney Kingston's team. I work up at Fore Street Law Group." I watched her eyes trace my pecs underneath my shirt and wished it were her lips traveling the length of my body.

"Ah, you work for Steve?"

"Yes," she said. "I, I should be getting back though." She smiled slyly and turned towards the elevator. I watched her go and was sorry when the elevator doors closed. _God damn. I think I'll have to drop by Steve's office for lunch today._

I watched her walk away, trying to visualize those legs around my neck. _Fuck, why wait for tonight? The office space on the third floor is still empty._ I had briefed, or more to the point de-briefed, a number of ladies up there in the 5 years since I had moved up to Maine upon passing the bar and being offered a position at Noyes & Kingston. I could think of no better use for a lunch hour.

I made a mental note to have Carol give Steve's secretary a call and get me the blonde's name and number. _Speak of the devil…_

"Good morning, Carol." I smiled sweetly at the older woman sitting outside my office. Carol's gray hair was, as always, swept into a severe bun and she was sharply dressed.

"Good morning, Mr. Cullen," she said exasperated. "You're late. You're due in court in half an hour and your sister has called twice already." She followed me into my office, files in hand. "You can't keep avoiding her. She's going to think I'm deliberately not giving you your messages." She dropped the files on my desk and gestured to the steaming cup on my desk. "Oh and your venti, two sugars, no cream."

"That's why you're the best secretary in the building, Carol," I said giving her my famous puppy-dog smile.

"Administrative assistant." I fought to keep the grin off my face at her icy tone. Pointing a finger at me, she said, "Call your sister," before striding out of the office and closing the door behind her, shaking her head the whole way. I chuckled as I watched her go and then dove into the files. Alice could wait. I had work to do.

Fifteen minutes later I was on my way to court when I remembered that I still hadn't returned Alice's calls. "Damnit," I swore as I weaved my way through traffic on Franklin Arterial. _Well, I can't call her now. I have to be in court. I'll call her when we break._ At least if I called her when court was in recess, she wouldn't have time to give me the full lecture on how I was a workaholic. I hoped she wouldn't call the office again. Carol would kill me if she had to take yet another message from my sister, and keeping Carol happy meant my life was easier and my morning coffee was hot and spit-free.

I arrived at the courthouse with four minutes to spare. Walking up the steps, I straightened my tie and ran my fingers through my hair. I paused just outside the courtroom, took a deep breath and mentally prepared myself to dazzle the courtroom. Finally, I strode in, ready to win.

Three hours later, I was quite pleased with the progression of the case. I had destroyed two of the prosecution's witnesses and made a third break down and cry on the stand. I walked out of the courtroom radiating arrogance. _I steal the spotlight from everyone,_ I thought smugly, then groaned as I recalled the task I had yet to complete. _From everyone, except my sister._

I pulled my cell phone from my pocket. _Fifteen! Fifteen missed calls, Alice. Jesus!_ I dialed her number and prayed it would go to voicemail.

"Edward?" Her tiny voice sounded higher than normal as she chirped in my ear.

"Alice. Carol said you had called. I'm in court all day so I don't really have much time." I hoped she'd take the hint.

"Edward, I'm so glad you called," she said. I could hear her sniffing and I groaned internally. _Oh Christ, she sounds like she's been crying. Damnit, I don't have time for another sob story about whatever loser she's broken up with now._

"Alice, listen. I only have a minute. They're going to call the court to order any second now and-"

"Edward, Dad had a heart attack," she cut me off mid-sentence, and though I heard her words, I could not quite comprehend them.

"I, uh, what?" I stammered as my brain replayed her words.

"Dad." Her voice broke off in a sob. "Dad had a heart attack this morning. He was at the club and…oh Edward, he's gone." I could hear her bawling on the other end of the line as I dropped into one of the chairs outside the courtroom.

I ran my fingers through my hair. My father, though he was domineering and overbearing, had been the only constant presence in my life, besides Alice, up until I had finished law school. Once I graduated, I had packed up and moved north, first interning at a prestigious firm in Boston, and then moving up to Maine to take the bar. I had seen him only once since my graduation, and now…

"Alice," I began, unsure of what to say to comfort her. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the bailiff begin ushering people back into the courtroom and cursed. "Alice, baby, damnit. I, I have to go, honey. Listen, I promise I'll have Carol book me a flight home-"

"Edward, our father is dead!"

"I know, sweetie, I know," I said. "And I'm going to come home and take care of this, I promise. But right now, I have to go. I swear I'll catch a flight first thing in the morning-"

"Well, certainly." Her voice went cold. "If there's somewhere more important you need to be, Edward."

"Alice, you _are_ important, but I have to go back into court." _God damnit, I do _not_ have time for a fight right now._ The bailiff was waving at me. I nodded at him and held up a finger. "I have to go," I repeated. "I will call you as soon as I get out of court, Alice, I swear."

"Fine," she said, her tone still icy.

"Alice," I said again. She had gone silent on the other end.

"You have to go, Edward," she replied finally. "I understand. I'll speak to you later." The resounding click that followed hurt, and I swore out loud and stared at the phone.

The bailiff cleared his throat from the courtroom doorway, where he was holding the door open, clearly waiting for my return. "God damnit!" I swore again. Shoving the phone back into my pocket, I strode past him brusquely, my earlier arrogance replaced with anger and frustration.

I won my case, barely. My last two cross-examinations were shit, but I managed to get Anderson off. _Not_ my best day on court. The crowning moment of my shitty day occurred when I snapped at the stupid ass in front of his bill-paying father. I knew I shouldn't have, but I couldn't resist telling the dumb fuck to stop holding up convenience stores. I had then stridden out of the damn courtroom without looking back.

I dialed Alice's number once I reached the car, but got no answer. The look on my face must have made my mood quite evident when I returned to the office. I was met with fearful silent looks rather than the chipper polite greetings I was used to. I threw my briefcase on Carol's desk without saying hello.

"Book me a seat on the first flight to La Guardia tomorrow morning. Oh, and get me the number of that blond paralegal that's working with Steve over at Fore Street," I demanded. _That's what I need: a good fuck to take my mind off of things._ I slammed the door to my office and walked over to my desk, collapsing into my chair. I dropped my face into my hands, weary from the long day.

I swore under my breath as I heard my office open. I took a deep breath and turned towards Carol, a scathing look on my face.

"Yes?" I said, emphasizing each and every letter of the word.

"Are you going somewhere? You have two more cases this week and I'll need to know if they need to be rescheduled or passed on to someone else," she said, her words clipped. Carol and I had matching tempers, and I could tell she was not impressed with my attitude.

"I'm going home to New York," I said curtly. "My father died this morning and I need to sort out his estate. Pass the Drury case to Mike and reschedule the Graham case."

"Oh, Edward!" she said, her face softening. I held out a hand as she made to comfort me and shook my head.

"Flight and phone number," I immediately regretted my tone. "Please," I added, glancing up at her to make sure she understood I was _trying_ to be pleasant.

"Of course," she said quietly, nodding. The look of pity on her face aggravated me, and I breathed a sigh of relief as she left, closing the office door behind her.

Less than three minutes later, I had a new e-mail with the blonde's name (Carly), her phone number and what type of food she preferred (Italian). _God, Carol, you're the best._ I made a mental note to bring her flowers when I returned from New York.

I quickly grabbed the phone and dialed Carly's phone number. It took less than ten minutes to convince her dinner at my place (I did not have the energy to go out) would be a wonderful idea. I gave her my address and agreed to see her at six-thirty. After hanging up, I racked my brain, trying to recall if I even had the ingredients for Chicken Parmesan. I always had spaghetti and sauce, that was my favorite meal, but I had no idea if I had anything else. Finally, I decided it would just be easier to go shopping.

I answered a few e-mails and then flagged the rest for Carol to take care of. _Flowers _and_ chocolates_, I decided. _That woman is a saint. _Having given up on getting anything else done that day, I shut off my computer and tried Alice again. _She_ was now avoiding _my_ calls or so it would seem. I had left her a voicemail when I'd failed to get a hold of her after leaving the courthouse, but still hadn't gotten so much as a text back. I got her voicemail again, but didn't bother leaving a message this time. _I'll try her again later,_ I decided, hanging up the phone. I rose and, grabbing my coat, heading out of the office.

Carol had my briefcase waiting for me and a sympathetic smile on her face. "Your flight leaves Portland at 5:45 tomorrow morning. I put a copy of your itinerary in here," she said, patting the side pocket as she handed the case to me. "Oh, Edward, I am so sorry."

"Thank you," I said, nodding. "Um, the Graham file-"

"I'll take care of it," she said, squeezing my arm. "You just go."

"Thank you," I said again, feeling a lump rise in my throat. _What the hell, Edward? Get a hold of yourself._ I opened my mouth to tell her how truly grateful I was but she cut me off.

"Just go." She shooed me out of the office and watched to make sure I got directly onto the elevator. I threw a small wave to her as the elevator doors closed then focused on the evening in front of me.

Ninety minutes later, I was back in my kitchen, the ingredients for Chicken Parmesan spread out in front of me on the counter. I turned on some jazz, letting the soothing sound of Billie Holiday distract me while I made dinner. The smell of the sauce bubbling made me hungry, so at six-thirty when the doorbell rang, my cock and my stomach leapt simultaneously.

I hurried down to my front door to greet Carly and was immediately glad I had traded my suit for jeans and sweater. She had on a maroon, satin V-neck top that I swear plummeted all the way down to her belly button. She had foregone a coat, despite the chilly fall weather. She seemed to have left her bra at home as well; it was all I could do to keep my eyes off her nipples. Her dark jeans hugged every inch of her ass, and it was a wonder I didn't jump her right there on the porch.

"Carly," I said as I felt my dick tighten in my jeans. "Come on in." I opened the door and motioned for her to come inside. I directed her towards the stairs up to the second floor. She smiled and headed up them. Assured she wouldn't see me, I quickly readjusted myself before I burst my damn button fly. _Thank God I didn't get dessert. I don't think I'll make it that long. _

I followed her up the stairs trying desperately (and failing) to keep my eyes off that ass. Every swing of her hips made me throb more, and I was thankful when she took a seat on the couch. That feeling quickly vanished, however, when she leaned over to accept the glass of wine I offered. My breath caught in my throat as I realized I could see all the way down her shirt to the top of her jeans.

I watched her smile to herself as she, no doubt, spied the bulge in my jeans. I asked her a few questions about her family, her hobbies. Feigning interest, at least I was trying to fulfill the obligation of small talk.

Finally, the oven timer announced dinner, and exceedingly grateful, I rose and ushered her into the dining room. She sat while I served. We talked about me over dinner. I told her a bit about Alice. When she asked about my parents, I nearly choked on my spaghetti before recovering. I simply said, "They're both gone," and redirected the conversation back to her.

After dinner, I refilled her wine glass and the conversation began to hit a lull. Two bottles in, her simple question, dripping with innuendo, was all it took. "Aren't you going to show me the rest of your place?"

I had her against the wall, with her legs propped up on my hips before she could even complete the question. I crushed her mouth with mine, our tongues wrestling. I broke free from her mouth and made my way down her neck, kissing and sucking. She moaned as I slipped the satiny fabric off her shoulder and then continued down until I finally reached her breast. I licked my lips in anticipation and looked up at her. I could see the need in her eyes, and I smiled before enveloping her breast with my mouth. She cried out and bucked against me as I bit her nipple gently.

I groaned and thrust back before moving slowly to the other breast. I heard her moan again as I took this nipple, already taut, between my thumb and finger. Teasing her, I gave it a few gentle tugs before pinching hard.

She cried out again then moaned with pleasure, running her fingers down until they found their way underneath my shirt. Her nails against my skin broke any resolve I had, and I quickly set her down. Taking her hand, I led her upstairs to my bedroom. Her shirt was gone before we reached the top of the stairs and mine quickly followed. She smiled and ran one finger down my chest, tracing my well-sculpted abs. Her mouth found my nipple as the finger made its way to the button of my jeans.

I helped her out, and my jeans were around my ankles as I knelt down to undo her pants. I slipped them over her hips and she kicked them off, revealing a pair of black lace panties that made me ache.

My hands moved around her hips and grabbed her ass, pulling her closer to me. I began to kiss her belly and slowly made my way down to the panties. I heard her breathing accelerate as I nipped at her clit through the black lace, and I ran my nose all the way down her slit. She ran her fingers through my hair, pulling hard and moaning my name when I found a sensitive spot.

I groaned and pushed her back onto the bed, stripping off her panties as she fell. She laughed and reached for my hair again as I went down on her. I ran my thumb down her slit and slipped it inside her as she, whimpering, bucked her hips. I laughed and went to work on her clit with my tongue, sucking and pulling. I traded the thumb for two fingers and began thrusting them deeper and deeper inside of her. It wasn't long before she arched her back and cried my name as the orgasm overtook her.

I smiled, and giving her a minute to come back down, reached for a condom. She sat up smiling and took it from me. She slipped my boxer-briefs down, freeing my cock. I heard her gasp quietly at my size, and I smiled haughtily. She looked up at me and smiled back, then ran her tongue up my shaft. I moaned as she began sucking and cried out as she took me in her mouth. I grabbed onto her hair as I fucked her mouth, controlling the speed of her movements. I felt her long fingernails cradling my balls and I groaned again, louder this time. Finally, I pulled her off me, and she smiled as she slipped the condom onto my dick.

Licking her lips, she leaned back onto the bed and propped her legs up, opening herself up to me. I positioned myself just outside of her and waited patiently until she whimpered from the suspense before taking her. She cried out as I thrust myself into her and screamed my name again. Overcome, I began thrusting faster. I heard her cry and felt her body tense as she came again but I didn't care. The harder I fucked her, the more noise she made, and it was irritating. Finally, I put my hand over mouth and let her suck on my fingers. It wasn't a turn-on in any sense, but at least she shut the hell up.

I could feel the orgasm building, and I grunted as I thrust harder and faster, eager for release. One final thrust and I cried out as I felt myself explode deep inside her. I shuddered and collapsed as the orgasm washed over me. I lay on top of her for a few brief moments then rolled over so I was beside her on the bed, both of us panting from exertion.

She giggled and ran her fingers through my hair. I turned my face away from her as I rolled my eyes. But I was already getting hard again, and I knew once would not be enough tonight.

The alarm woke me at four. I groaned and rolled over, smacking the clock until it shut up. I rolled back over and stared at the dark ceiling. A stirring next to me reminded me of Carly's presence, and I cursed silently. _God, I _am_ fucked up. I _never_ let them spend the night._ A skinny white arm draped itself across my stomach and then slowly began to make its way down to my morning wood.

I shoved the arm off of me and rolled out of bed. I still hadn't packed for New York, and I had to leave for PWM in forty minutes. I heard Carly moan in protest, but I ignored her. Grabbing a pair of jeans, a clean pair of boxer-briefs and a polo shirt from the dresser, I headed for the shower. I locked the bathroom door in case Carly got any ideas about continuing last night's activities. _I still can't believe you let her stay, you moron, _I scolded myself.

I stood under the hot water as long as I dared. A brief glance at my cell phone confirmed that Alice still had not returned my calls from the day before. I knew that missing my flight and delaying my return at all would only set her off, so after only 15 minutes, I unwillingly turned the water off.

The reason for my return came back to me as I wiped the steam off of the bathroom mirror and stared at my reflection. "My father is dead," I said the words aloud, but even then I still wasn't sure I was truly comprehending them.

_Ah, Carlisle Cullen._ My father. The man had raised my sister and me singlehandedly since my mother had died two months after I had started second grade. He had coddled Alice; she had been barely five when my mother had lost her battle with cancer, but with me… I fought the anger that threatened to emerge when I thought of my father. _Nothing was ever good enough for the brilliant brain surgeon. "Try harder, Edward. You should be the best. You _have_ to be the best." Captain of the lacrosse team. Class President. Top of my class. Straight As. Nothing was ever good enough. "No excuses, Edward. Push yourself harder."_ He had wanted me to go into medicine, and lauded me when I got into Cornell. The second I stepped on campus, I switched to law. I had had no interest in it at the time; it was just an easy way to defy my father.

Of course, when I got my degree from Stanford Law, graduating _summa cum laude _and top of the class, he had given my law career his blessing. This had only infuriated me more, and I had stopped calling and visiting. I had seen him only once since then and that was for Alice. She had begged me to return for her thirtieth birthday, hoping I'm sure, that my father and I would rekindle some sort of relationship. I had relented but, much to her dismay, a stiff handshake and a curt "hello" were the only exchange my father and I had shared.

_And now he's gone._ I felt the lump in my throat again and fought it furiously. I quickly finished dressing, battling the damn emotions that threatened to overcome me. I grabbed a few toiletries and headed back out into my bedroom. I threw them into a duffel bag followed by several changes of clothes. I grabbed a navy blue suit from the closet, figuring it appropriate funeral attire and shoved it into a suit bag. _I can have it pressed when I get to New York._ Carly, thank God, had apparently decided that even sex wasn't worth getting up at this ungodly hour and had gone back to sleep.

This annoyed me for some reason, and I deliberately made excess noise as I packed, trying to wake her up. Finally, dropping my duffel bag and suit bag onto the bench of the piano made her stir. I continued to ignore her, even as she sat up sleepily and yawned.

"Good morning." She yawned again. "God, what time is it?" I didn't answer. _Look at the fucking clock, you dumb bitch._ God, was I ever an asshole this morning. "Where you going?" she asked spying the bags.

"New York," I answered curtly. She crawled out of bed and came trotting over to me naked. She wrapped her arms around me, and I tried and failed to keep my cock from responding.

I pushed her away and hurried back to the dresser, pretending I'd forgotten something. "Oh," she said quietly as she pushed my duffel bag over to one side of the piano bench and took a seat. She opened the case and began tapping the keys. "Do you play?" I fought the urge to scream at her chipper question.

_Don't touch my piano, you little skank!_ I managed to maintain my composure as I strode over to where she sat. Slamming the case shut a little too hard, I replied, "Don't touch it…and no. You can let yourself out. Be gone before the cleaning lady arrives at ten, please."

I grabbed my bags and turned and strode out of the room, caring little for the hurt and confused look on her face. I had a plane to catch.


	3. Chapter 2

**Here you go guys! I've rearranged the chapters as someone reminded me A/N's can't be posted alone so my initial A/N's are filed with the Prologue. I've also posted both my fics on The Writer's Coffee Shop and they will hopefully be on Twilighted soon as well. The link to TWCS will be on my profile and I'll post Twilighted as soon as I have it.****Thanks to Jenn for stepping in as beta! Bee, I hope you feel better, sweetie. And thank you all for the support!**

**And now…**

**ENTER **_**Isabella **_**STAGE LEFT**

I felt the hot coffee slosh down my sleeve as I pushed open the door to Seacoast Books, Inc. "God Damnit." I swore under my breath as I tried to shake the hot liquid off my hand.

"Izzy? You're late!" My assistant glared at me as I made my way towards my office. I saw the pile of crap she had already assembled for me and cursed again, this time silently.

"Yes, I know," I said curtly, giving up on the coffee and tossing it into the nearest bin. "Starbucks was ridiculous this morning."

"That was a five dollar coffee," Darlene said as she stared into the bin I had just thrown it in. _Oh my God, I am going to strangle her!_ Today was not a good day for this shit.

I took a deep breath and held back my temper. "What do you have for me?" I forced a smile.

"Ooh. " Darlene grimaced. "You're going to want that coffee back," she said as she handed me a stack of files. "Two of our damn interns quit this morning. Oh, and you have a meeting with Merriman at nine."

I groaned audibly. Justin Merriman was the biggest prick this side of the Mississippi. His books were infantile, poorly written and completely derivative crap. To top it off, he was an arrogant asshole and a womanizer. But he was also a best-selling author and would bring a lot of revenue to our little publishing house. And I was senior-level editor who was desperately trying to become the youngest senior executive editor in the company, and this prick was my ticket to a corner office.

"Can we re-schedule Merriman?" I asked hopefully, knowing the answer already.

"You've re-scheduled twice already," Darlene reminded me. "The senior execs are not impressed. They want him. If we can get this account, it will mean big things for Seacoast."

"I know," I muttered, as we headed into my office. Darlene closed the door behind us.

"But, I agree. The guy is an asshole," she added, laughing. "I don't envy you for being forced to spend the morning with _him_. His agent, on the other hand…"

I laughed. Darlene had only been my assistant for six months, but we'd grown to be friends. Her snarky attitude and wit kept me sane and I truly appreciated it.

I sat down at my desk and she took her usual seat across from me. "You have voicemails." She gestured to the red light on my phone. "Gentlemen callers?" She cocked her eyebrow then laughed as I rolled my eyes and threw a paper clip at her.

"No," I retorted. Darlene was fully aware of my perpetually single status and adored teasing me constantly about it.

"Too bad. That rabbit won't last forever, sweetie. You need to get laid."

"Get out," I said, trying and failing to keep the grin off of my face.

"Fair enough," she said, rising. Her face plastered with a matching grin. "But we're going out tonight anyway."

"Oh, no. I have things to do." She dismissed my excuses with a wave of her hand.

"You, me, Old Port Tavern. No excuses, Izzy," she replied. "Besides, after a day with Merriman, you're going to need a stiffy….uh, a stiff _drink_."

"Get. Out," I responded, laughing as she strutted out of my office.

As soon as she closed the door, I reached for the phone. The first voicemail was from my mother. "Izzy, it's your mother." _Like I don't know._ "You never answer the phone. I hate these message machine things."

I heard some vague shouting in the background. "Oh, Phil says 'hello' dear. Are you coming home for Christmas this year? Florida will be a nice change from that freezing place _you_ choose to live. I don't know why you have to live so far away. We have plenty of publishing houses in Jacksonville…"

My mother continued babbling for a few more minutes before the machine cut her off. The second voicemail was from her as well but was considerably shorter.

"Isabella, your phone machine hung up on me again. Call your mother, young lady."

Though I dreaded returning the call, I laughed out loud at the haughtiness in my mother's voice. Only Renee Dwyer would be offended by an answer machine hanging up on her.

The third voicemail was from my father. "Uh, hello…Izzy? It's Dad. Dana said you called so I'm returning your call. It's 8:30. Why aren't you in the office yet? I hope you're not late to work. That doesn't look good, Isabella. I taught you to be more responsible than that. I'm calling about Christmas. I didn't know if you were spending it with _her-_" He always sneered when he spoke about my mother- "but you are always welcome here. I'll be in meetings all day; we're working on a big case, a double homicide. But you can leave a message with Dana. I'll speak with you later." The phone clicked as the message ended.

_Well, that didn't help my mood. _I am 33 years old. I do not appreciate being scolded by my fathervia my office voicemail.

I hung up the phone and dropped my forehead to my desk. My parents had divorced when I was 8 and I had spent the remainder of my so-called childhood doing my best to play peace-maker, trying to keep everyone happy. _Everyone, that is, but me._

Twenty-five years later, my role had not changed much and frankly, it pissed me off. _I am an adult, God Damnit, and I will do whatever the fuck I please for Christmas!_ Deep down, though, I knew I would find some way to be at Dad's in Washington _and_ at Mom's in Florida for the holidays.

I swear they were like petulant children. After the divorce, they had chosen to live on opposite ends of the country. My mother moved to Arizona before marrying Phil and heading for Florida. With my father in Washington state, they were practically as far as they could get from each other in the continental United States. I was surprised my father hadn't announced his intentions to move to Alaska or Hawaii yet.

This constant tug-of-war had been a pain in the ass growing up. Now, as an adult, it was exhausting and infuriating. It likely meant another red-eye flight so I could spend Christmas Eve with Mom and Phil and Christmas Day with Dad & Sue. _God forbid, they compromise for once and reside in the same state for a week._

_Grow the fuck up!_ I screamed silently at my phone. This was not a good mood to attend the Merriman meeting in and I knew it. _Fuck, I _do_ need a coffee. Darlene was right._ I glanced at the clock and did some mental calculation. _Damn it._ I didn't have the time to make it the six blocks to Starbucks and back.

"World, be damned." I groaned and reached for the files I would need for my meeting. _I suppose I'll have to do with office coffee._ I shuddered at the thought and then began leafing through the files. I was interrupted by a knock at the door.

"Come in," I called thinking, _Now what?_ I immediately regretted my attitude when Darlene appeared holding a steaming cup of Starbucks.

"Venti, black, 2 sugars." She set it on my desk. "I figured you'd need it, darling," she said kindly.

"Thank you," I said.

"No problem," she said, giving me as sympathetic smile. She headed for the door and pausing in the doorway, turned and added, "Besides, you'll need energy for tonight." She winked and then was gone before I could object to her plans again.

I shook my head and laughed. I shoved the files into my briefcase and grabbed the coffee. As I headed for the boardroom, I steeled myself to spend the day with Merriman.

Four hours later, we had managed to negotiate a contract for two novels from Mr. Thinks-he's-a-good-author Merriman. The contract would be extremely beneficial for Seacoast, but a part of me was definitely not looking forward to spending more time with Merriman or editing his terrible books. Ecstatic to be free from the stuffy boardroom and Seacoast's newest jerk-off, I snagged Darlene for a long lunch.

In celebration of my certain promotion, we decided to spring for lobster at DiMillo's. The floating restaurant was only 4 or 5 blocks from the office and it was a crisp fall day, so we decided to walk.

As we meandered down Commercial Street, I relayed the family drama that had welcomed me to the office that morning. "It happens every Christmas. I just can't make everyone happy, all the time." I sighed.

"Sweetie, it is not your job! I cannot believe the amount of crap you let them put you through. You can't let them dictate your holidays," she scolded me. "You know what? You should just say 'screw them!' and stay in town with me." She smiled and linked her arm through mine as we crossed the street a half a block from our destination. I laughed as I visualized saying "screw you" to my parents. I could picture their confused faces and could already hear my mother's lecture on proper grammar and sentence structure.

"Aren't you spending Christmas with your family?" I asked.

"Toby, the fuck-up got busted for robbing a convenience store. So, depending on how his trial goes, he may or may not be around for the holidays." She sighed wearily.

"_Another_ one?" I gasped, turning to her.

"Yup," she said, her tone dripping with disapproval. "The dumb shit is in court," she glanced at her watch, "right now, actually."

"Do you think he'll be convicted?" I asked quietly. As much as Darlene bitched about her idiot brother, I knew how much she adored him.

She laughed sadly and said, "They ought to. But Daddy pays for the best criminal defense attorney in town and Cullen got him off last time."

"Cullen?" I asked. The name sounded familiar and I wondered where I had heard it. If he worked in town, he may well have attended one of the ridiculous networking events I was constantly being subjected to.

"Edward Cullen, youngest and, dare I say most fuckable partner at Noyes, Kingston & Cullen," Darlene said, that now familiar smirk spreading across her face.

"Fuckable?" I asked, feeling the color rise in my cheeks. Darlene laughed as I blushed.

"Oh, most definitely fuckable," she said. "But stick with the eye-fucking, sweetie. The man looks like a god, but he's an outright son of a bitch. Hell, he makes Merriman look like a romantic."

"Really?" I said doubtfully. "Well then, that's saying something, honey, because Justin Merriman-"

"Oh, I know, sister," she replied, shaking her finger in the air. We both laughed as we approached the entrance to the boat and quickly ducked in out of the cool air.

DiMillo's was always a busy place so, though I had called ahead, we still had a bit of a wait. We took a seat on a bench off to the side and I rested my head against the side of the boat as Darlene prattled on about how much fun we would have tonight. I groaned internally, remembering what she had suckered me into for the evening. Unwilling to argue about it, I kept silent as she went on and on.

"We could even hit Three Dollar Dewey's. They always have great ales on tap and the popcorn is fresh if you get there at the right time. Oh!" I had closed my eyes as the gentle rocking of the boat had begun to lull me, but I sat up quickly at Darlene's exclamation.

"What? What?" I looked around quickly trying to figure out what had caused her outburst.

"Here! Here he is! Oh my. He is fine, even in black and white." She had picked up a paper from the table next to our bench and was now practically drooling on it.

"Who?" I asked trying to wrest the paper from her grasp.

"Edward Cullen." She wrapped her tongue around his name like it was the sweetest thing she'd ever tasted and I rolled my eyes.

"Give me that," I ordered as I snatched the paper from her hands. "Wher-…oh!" It was an ad for Noyes, Kingston & Cullen and there was only one man in the photo who could be described as 'fuckable' and good God, was he ever.

"Uh-huh." She smirked and nodded her approval of my reaction. "Right? I told you! The man is a friggin Greek God."

I couldn't speak as my eyes traced that jaw-line down to the tender lips. I bit my lip and wished it was his lip between my teeth. My eyes found his and even in the dull, colorless newspaper print, they were sharp and searching. I could feel myself growing moist as I imagined every inch of him, and my eyes slowly followed the photo down. I cursed silently at the photographer who had decided to cut the photo off mid torso. I inhaled sharply as I found my imagination wandering down just a little bit further. I smiled and my breath caught in my throat; I was immediately determined to meet this man.

"Izzy!" Darlene's sharp voice followed by a peal of laughter brought me back. She shook her head as she looked at me. "Girl, you do need to get laid."

"I…uh." She was right, of course, but I wasn't willing to admit it and let it go to her head. She grabbed the paper out of my hand and threw it back on the table.

"C'mon! They called our number. Let's get some lobstah!" I smiled at her genuine Maine accent and rose. She turned towards the host who was waiting to escort us to our table and as soon as her eyes left me, I snatched the paper back from the side table and shoved it into my briefcase. Edward's photo had a date with me and the rabbit.

•••••••

_God, I am too old for this crap_. I hitched up the girls and took one last glance in the mirror_._ I didn't look half bad. The jeans were too tight but, according to Darlene, that's how they were supposed to fit. I had to admit, they did do stellar things for my ass. I turned to check out my rear end and was thoroughly pleased with the result. As long as I didn't feel the need to breathe at all this evening, I would be set. The shirt was all shiny and clingy and required the most uncomfortable bra known to man. I had been appalled to even find it in my closet, but Darlene threw a fit when I had mentioned I would likely wear jeans and a sweater.

"Jesus, Izzy, even I can't be a successful wingman for _that_," she had scolded. So here I was, dressed like a…like a _floozy._ I laughed as my mother's favorite word sprang to mind. She was regularly regaling me with tales of the girls on the Florida beaches and what they wore, or did _not_ wear as the case may be.

The buzzer rang and I groaned. I shut off the bathroom light and then ran to buzz Darlene up. Leaving the door ajar, I hurried back to the living room to grab my purse.

"Izzy?"

"In here, Darlene," I called while shoving some cash, my phone and a few other necessities into a tiny, sad excuse for a purse.

"Not bad, sexy." Darlene scoped my ass from the doorway. "You, my dear, have achieved 'fuckable.'"

I laughed and threw a pillow at her. "Shut up. Let's just go."

"Oh, c'mon. This is going to be fun!" I rolled my eyes and grabbed a coat. She smiled brightly and motioned me towards the door. I took a deep breath and forced a smile as we headed out.

•••••••

I awoke with a start and groaned. _Oh fuck. How much did I drink?_ I rolled over and glanced at the clock. _Five o'clock? _Five _o'clock?_ I was wide awake, an hour early, and felt like shit. I whimpered then sat up as my stomach turned. I forced myself out of bed and cursed Darlene all the way to the bathroom.

Twenty minutes later I was sure my stomach had calmed down and I wandered out into the kitchen. I dug through my cupboards and managed to procure an old can of instant coffee. I made myself a cup and headed for the couch.

I grabbed my little purse from the night before and my briefcase and began emptying my things from the purse. As I undid the strap and opened my briefcase, the newspaper from DiMillo's caught my eye. I laughed and felt my cheeks color. _Wow, you're pathetic. It's a friggin picture, Bella. _I immediately started as my childhood nickname emerged in my thoughts.

"Wow, no one's called me Bella since…" I couldn't even remember the last time I had allowed anyone to call me that. Shaking my head, I pulled the paper out and threw it on my coffee table. I quickly collected my things from the night before and threw them into my briefcase. I sat back and tried to concentrate on the disgusting coffee, but my eyes kept wandering to the newspaper.

"It's a picture, a stupid ad in a newspaper. Get over it." But try as I might, just the thought of that photo had me biting my lip and blushing. Finally, I gave up on the sludge in my cup and I reached over and grabbed the paper. It took a few minutes of searching but once I found the correct page, my eyes were drawn to the ad. There he was, in all his glory. My eyes traced his jaw line and my fingers ached for the chance to get lost in his hair. I laughed as I realized I didn't even know what color it was.

"If it's such a great law firm, one would think they would spring for a color ad." I smirked, but I couldn't deny the attraction that refused to let me look anywhere else…or the fact that Darlene was probably right.

Frustrated, I threw the paper back on the table and headed for the shower, the image of Edward still burned into my mind.

I turned on the shower and grabbed a pantsuit from the closet. As the steam from the shower warmed up the bathroom, I sat on the edge of the tub and imagined Edward Cullen. I could picture him, in his god-like perfection and I blushed as I once again imagined _every_ inch of him.

Smiling to myself, I climbed into the shower. As the hot water ran down my body, I imagined it was his fingers, exploring, caressing every part of me. I moaned as the water relaxed my tense muscles and glanced at the bathroom clock/radio on the sink. _Oh, we've got time, dear._ I quickly washed my hair, doing my best to get the knots out then proceeded to grab my body wash.

Satisfied that I was clean and that my hair would be somewhat manageable for the day, I reached for the shower nozzle. I unhooked it from the holder and focused again on Edward Cullen. I turned the nozzle to my favorite setting and then sat on the floor of the tub.

I dropped the shower head down, letting hot water run over my breasts and down my belly. Picturing Edward's fingers, I moved the shower head lower. I felt my body tense as the stream of water neared my most sensitive spot. I bit my lip then went lower still. I felt the water just brush my clit before it reached my opening. I moaned as it filled me and spread my legs further; my hips acted of their own accord, thrusting towards the shower head and I bit my lip harder as I remembered Edward's perfect lips and the tongue that I knew was hidden behind them . I moved the shower head back towards my belly and cried aloud as the water caressed my clit. I felt the pull deep within my gut as my breathing quickened.

It did not take long before every nerve in my body lit up and I cried aloud again, arching my back. I moaned and then lowered myself back to the floor of the tub, basking in the pleasure that coursed through me.

The shower head was still in my hand as I sat up. I carefully stood and replaced it back on the wall. I gave myself a few more minutes to come down and revel in the hot water before shutting the shower off and stepping out of the tub.

I grabbed a towel off of the rack and quickly began to dry off. I was in no hurry to get to the office but being late again would certainly reflect poorly on me. _And today I may get promoted,_ I thought to myself. _I wonder if Darlene has heard anything yet...oh crap, Darlene._ She had been less than impressed the night before when I had shot down every guy she had tried to set me up with.

"Too tall, too young, not your 'type'. Seriously, Izzy, what is your deal?" She had gotten quite frustrated with me by the end of the night.

"I'm sorry, Darlene. I know you're trying to be nice, but I, I just-" I didn't know how to word it so she would understand. For some reason, I had always seen sex and love as intertwined and the idea of a one night stand appalled me.

She had finally given up and though she had barely said a word when we shared a cab back to our respective homes, I hoped she would be over it this morning. _Besides, Darlene, who needs to bring home some drunken loser from the bar when a showerhead and a newspaper ad work just as well?_

"If not better," I murmured. I quickly got dressed and then blow-dried my hair, managing to achieve nothing more presentable than a ponytail. A dash of eye-liner and some Chapstick were all I could manage for make-up. I was not a make-up kind of girl.

I headed out of the bathroom, fairly pleased with the results. I went in search of my shoes, but was back in the bathroom before I could find them both. I snagged the aspirin bottle and an extra roll of Tums and threw them into my briefcase before I could forget them.

I finally found my left shoe sitting on the bookshelf, resting against a well-worn copy of _Mansfield Park._ I vaguely remembered throwing my shoes when I had returned the night before, but I hadn't recalled throwing them that hard. I decided it would be a good story to tell Darlene if she was still mad at me. It would certainly make her laugh.

I grabbed my coat and briefcase and snagging a banana from the kitchen, headed for the door. One last glance in the wall mirror, confirmed I was decent and somewhat ready for the day. Coffee, a _real_ coffee was all I needed.

The line at Starbucks wasn't terrible considering it was 7:30 on a Wednesday morning. I queued behind an older lady who was dressed sharply and looked rather strict. I straightened my un-ironed shirt subconsciously as I waited to order my coffee.

Apparently, the woman was a regular. As she stepped up to place her order, the cashier smiled and said, "The usual, Carol?"

She shook her head and replied, "Attorney Cullen is out of the office today, so just my tea please, Matt."

"Edward Cullen?" I wondered aloud and then felt my cheeks catch fire as the woman heard and turned around.

"Yes," she said tentatively, giving me the once over. "Do you know him?" She eyed me suspiciously.

"Oh, uh, a friend of a friend, sort of thing," I mumbled, embarrassed. "He's my assistant's brother's attorney, I guess." _Shut up Izzy. God, you sound like an idiot._

"Ah, yes. Well, he is the best," Carol said quietly. She sounded sad as she said it but I didn't have time to wonder about it. Her Chai was ready and she was bidding me good day and out the door before I could even respond.

"Uh, venti, black, 2 sugars, please," I stuttered at the cashier, still bewildered at the fact that I had run into his assistant no more than an hour after picturing Edward Cullen in my shower.

_Portland's not that big, dear._ I was seized by this sudden urge to follow her, to see if I could catch a glimpse of this man whose picture had so enigmatically attracted me. Only the fact that she had told the cashier that Edward was out of the office held me back.

"Get a grip, Izzy," I told myself. Darlene had made it quite clear that Edward Cullen put Justin Merriman to shame when it came to his reputation with women. She had described the man as a prick, a philandering son of a bitch, but it was the god-like and fuckable depiction that I couldn't get out of my head. And his name, Edward…_I like that name, _I thought, subconsciously biting my lip again.

By the time I got to the office, I was fully aware that today was not going to be productive day. Darlene was not waiting for me at the door and I groaned, hoping a quick apology would suffice. I did not have the energy for anything more substantial than that.

I found her at her desk, speaking rapidly into the phone. She held up a finger, motioning for me to wait. I did, patiently, and when she finally hung up the phone, I dove straight into my apology.

"Look, Darlene. About last night," I began, but she dismissed it before I could even complete the sentence.

"Whatever. No worries, honey. Listen, something big is going down upstairs. I just got off the phone with Emma, the editor-in-chief's administrative assistant, and apparently, the whole top floor has been in an uproar all morning." She leaned in as she relayed this juicy bit of a gossip.

"But Darlene-" She cut me off again.

"Did you hear what I said? Something big is happening," she said, smacking my arm.

"Ow. Yes, I heard you," I replied, frowning. Giving up on the apology, I added, "Do you think it has to do with Merriman?"

"I don't know. Maybe it's your big promotion," she whispered conspiratorially. I shook my head.

"I doubt it. Why would they be 'up in arms' about that?"

"Well, we'll find out soon enough," she said smiling. "You better get to work. You don't want to be gossiping when they bring you the keys to your corner office."

I smiled and shook my head but headed for my office anyway. My head was already pounding and I knew it was going to be a very long day.

•••••••

"Anything?" Darlene poked her head into my office, a sympathetic smile on her face. I shook my head. "Nothing?" She sounded doubtful.

"Not a peep," I confirmed. "Whatever the hell is going on up on the senior level, it clearly overshadows any possible promotions." I tried to keep the pain out of my voice, but Darlene knew me well enough.

"Aw sweetie, I'm sorry. Give them a few days. Those upper-management types are always assholes."

I smiled. "If I do get this promotion, hon', I'm going to be one of those assholes," I reminded her.

"Not to me. I've got a whole case-file on you. I'll blackmail your ass so fast; you won't know what hit you." We both laughed at this. "I'm heading home. Do you need anything?"

"No, go ahead. I've just got to finish up a few things before I bail."

"Not too late," Darlene ordered as she left. I waved her out the door and sighed. Dropping my head into my hands, I began massaging my temples. The aspirin had not worked and the coffee had worn off long ago. I groaned and wished for my bed. _Could today get any worse?_

"Swan?" I glanced up to see Charles Phillips, one of the senior executive editors, standing in the doorway to my office.

"Mr. Phillips." I straightened up immediately. The look on his face made it quite obvious he was not bringing me good news. "What can I do for you?"

"Board meeting, tomorrow at 9 AM sharp. We want all the senior editors there. It's…uh, well the future of the company depends on it." He placed a large, blue file marked 'Confidential' on my desk. "Read this and don't be late. All of your other accounts can be put aside for now, Ms. Swan. See you at nine."

He was out of my office and halfway down the hall before I could come up with a "Yes, sir." I glanced down at the thick, blue file and tentatively opened it.

The first page that read "Arbitrary House, Inc. vs. Justin Merriman and Seacoast Books, Inc." told me well enough that today had just gotten a whole lot worse.


	4. Chapter 3

**Here we go, Chapter 3. **

**Darling Edward led me to places I didn't realize we were going so I hope you enjoy the ride. It's a bit angsty but so is life so we just got to push on through with the people we love. I hope this chapter reveals a little bit more of Prick-ward.**

"**All the world's a stage, And all the men and women merely players; They have their exits and entrances; And one man in his time plays **_**many parts**_**…" (Shakespeare ****As You Like It****, Act 2, scene 7, 139-142)**

I tried Alice's cell phone again from the cab. I sighed heavily as it went straight to voicemail. I didn't have a key to my father's house and was hoping she was staying there.

"What number was it again?" the cab driver asked, glancing in the rearview.

"2417." I glanced out the car window as we drove down the street I had grown up on. The familiar houses flew by and I marveled at how little had changed. It had been nearly ten years since I'd been back to this house and I realized as we pulled into the driveway that part of me regretted this. _My father is dead._ I felt a lump form in my throat as this realization finally began to sink in.

"Here you go." The cabbie turned to face me. His voice broke me out of my reverie and I swallowed, forcing my emotions back down.

"Um, thanks." I threw a few twenties in the tray and grabbed my bag. I climbed out of the cab and started up the walkway. I was relieved to see Alice's car in the driveway.

I made my way up the path to the front porch and climbed the steps. As I raised my hand to knock, I hesitated. _Are you afraid of the wrath of your baby sister?_ I shook my head and chuckled, but I could not shake the sense of foreboding that had washed over me. Finally, biting the bullet, I knocked.

I heard the clatter of kitten heels on the hardwood floors as Alice came to open the door. My breathing quickened as I realized I _was_ nervous about her reaction. I loved Alice dearly and I hated hurting her.

She ripped the door opened and I recoiled slightly. Her face looked ready for a fight, but it changed instantly when she realized who it was. "Edward?" she asked softly, as though she needed to verify what she saw.

"Hey, Alice." I gave her a gentle, apologetic smile. "I'm sorry I'm late."

"Oh, Edward!" she cried, dropping the pile of papers in her hand and throwing herself at me. I stumbled backwards as she wrapped her arms around my neck and clung to me.

"Alice. It's okay. I'm here." I hugged her tightly back, lifting her off the ground. Her small body shook with sobs and I felt the lump rise in my throat again. Finally, after soaking the shoulder of my polo, she released me and I set her back on her feet gently. "It's going to be okay," I repeated.

"No, Edward, it's not! There are flowers to buy and I have to find a suit for him and I have to write an obituary. Not to mention I have a wake and a funeral to plan. Do people cater funerals? I mean, should there be food?" She looked quizzically at me, a harried look on her face. I shrugged and she continued on her rant. "Oh and I still haven't picked a casket, because the one Dad wanted is out of stock and, and…" her voice trailed off into a whisper and I watched her lower lip begin to tremble. "I have so much to do."

Another sob escaped her as she knelt down and began picking up the papers she had dropped. "So much to do," she repeated and I could see her eyes brimming with tears.

"Alice, let me do this, sweetie. You don't have to do everything," I said quietly, taking the papers from her.

"It has to be perfect." She stared worriedly at the stack that was now in my hands.

"I know. It will be."

"I want to make him proud." Her eyes pleaded with me to understand.

"I know. We will, Alice."

"Do you miss him?" Her voice was barely audible.

"Of course," I said. "Of course I miss him, Alice."

"But…" she began and then stopped as her eyes caught mine.

"He was still my father, Alice," I said quietly, "even if we didn't always see eye to eye." I didn't know, yet, how I felt about my father's death, but I knew what Alice needed to hear and I could provide that at least.

She nodded and smiled sadly. I gave her another small hug then retrieved my overnight bag from the porch. I still had the papers and refused to hand them over even when she offered.

Alice led me into the living room. I dropped my bag on the floor and took a seat on the couch. I immediately began sorting through the papers. As tedious as funeral planning was, I was thankful for the distraction.

I felt Alice's head resting on my shoulder as I got down to business. "All right, let's do this. Step one: flowers."

Alice and I worked diligently until lunchtime. Having sorted most of the smaller details, we decided to take a break and grab a bite to eat. I hadn't had anything since the $4 cardboard muffin I had purchased at the airport.

As we caught up over cold cuts and chips, Alice filled me in on her newest boy toy. Jasper Whitlock had just gotten out of the Marines and had moved up from his native Texas to the big city to start his new life. They had met at the diner where Alice worked and the way she gushed on and on about him, I knew she was hooked.

I tried to keep my face passive as Alice regaled me with details, but inside I was groaning. _Another one, Alice? How long before this one breaks your heart and leaves you standing in the rain?_ I had received far too many heartbroken, late night phone calls to have any faith in Alice's choice in men.

"…and he's amazing in bed." Alice's last disclosure caught me off guard and I abruptly began choking on my ham sandwich. She laughed as my face turned red and I fought for oxygen. She clapped me on the back. "I had to make sure you were listening, Edward," she said slyly.

"Jesus, Alice," I said when I could finally breathe again. I gave her my best disapproving older brother look but she laughed it off and gave me a peck on the cheek.

"Well, look alive, big brother. You're meeting him tonight."

I groaned loudly. "Oh, Alice." I rose and followed her into the kitchen, my empty plate in hand. "I…that, it's-" I sighed, unable to articulate how I felt about meeting her newest boyfriend.

Alice looked hurt at my reluctance and I cursed silently. "I'd love to meet him." I tried to insert a bit of fake cheer into my voice. She eyed me skeptically and I forced a smile. I could tell she didn't believe my fake enthusiasm but was happy to have suckered me into it either way.

"Good." She smiled. "We're going to dinner tonight in town." I kept the smile on my face as she strutted out of the room. As soon as she was out of sight, though, I sighed heavily and shook my head. _I need a nap._

Six hours later I had napped, showered and worked out the details for the wake and the service with the funeral home. Now I just had to face dinner with Alice's new boyfriend.

Alice had made reservations at some posh new bistro in Manhattan and we were meeting Jasper somewhere along the Blue Line. Alice's car was less than reliable and though my father's was available, I hated driving into the city. It was easier and quicker to take the train.

"Are you ready?" I called for the umpteenth time from the entryway.

"Five minutes." Alice's answer floated down from somewhere on the second floor.

"You said that a half hour ago." I groaned and resumed my pacing. _This is why we don't get _involved_ with women, Edward, _I told myself. _Just fuck 'em and forget 'em. They are not worth the trouble._

"Well?" Alice's voice interrupted my silent complaining and I turned towards the staircase.

"You look beautiful, as always," I said as I held up her coat. She was wearing a dark blue silk dress and she really did look amazing. _Though that is considerably too much leg, young lady,_ I thought disapprovingly. "Are you ready? We don't want to miss the train."

She laughed and pranced her way down the rest of the stairs. "Always in a hurry, Edward. And you, who was so set against going in the first place." She smirked at me as I helped her into her coat.

"I don't know what you are talking about." I decided feigning ignorance was my best bet at this point.

Alice smiled and turned to me. "Dearest brother, try as you may you cannot beat me in a match of wills. Next time just ask me who wins. The answer is always me and it'll save us both time."

"Your boyfriend is waiting." My tone was slightly clipped as I opened the front door. Alice was right; I couldn't _not_ give her what she wanted when she asked for something, and it pissed me off. "We don't want to keep him too long," I added as we headed up the street towards the subway station. I knew she could hear the condemnation in my voice; I had made my displeasure for this meeting more obvious than I had meant to.

"Edward." She grabbed my arm as we paused at a street corner to wait for the streetlight to change. I unwillingly turned to face her. "Edward, this is different. Jasper is different. He's a good guy and-" she paused and began fiddling with one of the straps on her purse.

"And?" I asked. I was sorry for hurting her, but I couldn't honestly imagine Alice meeting any man worthy of her. No one was good enough for my baby sister.

"And…" Her voice softened and she looked so young as her eyes met mine. "And I think he loves me, Edward." I watched her cheeks flush as her gaze dropped back to the ground.

"He'd be a fool not to," I responded quietly. She smiled at me and I held out my arm. She took it and we headed for the train.

••••••••

"So what are you studying, Jasper?" I asked taking a sip of my wine.

"Well, NYU has a great Classics program, but I've also been eyeing a History degree as well." Jasper sat across from me but he was finding it hard to tear his eyes away from my baby sister. His hand rested on the table next to hers and his fingers kept twitching as though he was anxious to intertwine them with hers. And the way he looked at her… _Good God, the boy is smitten._ He was like a lost puppy the way his eyes followed her every move. And Alice, Alice was just as bad.

She laughed when he laughed, smiled when he smiled. It was almost as though she took her cues from him, like she had oriented herself around him. Alice was into this guy, _way_ into him.

I debated the pros and cons of this while we alternated between discussions of Jasper's education and my law career. If he was genuine and he truly cared about my sister…Well it would be nice to have someone watching over her now that my father was gone. _On the other hand, if he ever hurt her…_

I had a good feeling about this Jasper Whitlock, but it was far too soon to tell. When he excused himself during dessert, Alice immediately demanded my thoughts. "Well?" she prodded. "What do you think?"

I took a deep breath, unsure of how much to let on. "He seems great," I said, hoping she would let me off with that.

"Great? Great? C'mon, Edward, you can do better than that. Please, tell me what you think, big brother." She batted her eyelashes and stuck out her lower lip as she reached across the table for my hand. I chuckled and shook my head.

"All right," I agreed reluctantly. As usual, I could not resist my baby sister. "He seems like a good guy. He has a good head on his shoulders and I think he'd be able to take care of you. Does he treat you right?"

"He treats me like a queen." Alice squeezed my hand and smiled softly.

"Good." I smiled back at her then looked up as Jasper returned to the table.

I insisted on paying and as the three of us headed back to the subway station, Alice filled Jasper in on the details for times and location of the wake and funeral.

"I'm sure you have lots of studying and homework to do, so if you can't-"

"Alice, don't be ridiculous," Jasper cut her off mid-sentence. "Of course I'll be there." He took her hand and pulled her to him and I quickly became interested in the subway map.

She was still wrapped in his arms when our train arrived. I cleared my throat and they finally broke apart.

"I'll see you tomorrow." I heard him whisper as I waited impatiently by the door to the train car. "I love you."

"I love you too." _Love, Alice?_ Love?_ Jeez, you two are in deep._ One last hug and Alice followed me onto the train, her eyes on Jasper until we disappeared into the dark tunnels of the subway.

"Isn't he wonderful, Edward?" Her blue eyes sparkled and I couldn't help but return her smile.

"He is, Alice." She rested her head against my arm and watched the dark walls fly by outside the train window.

I kissed the top of her head, and rested my cheek against her spiky hair. "I can't wait for _you_ to meet someone, Edward. Someday, you'll meet a girl…" Alice laced her fingers through mine.

"I doubt it." I was shaking my head as she rested her chin on my chest and stared up at me defiantly. I looked down at her and laughed. "No. Alice, my dear, my darling baby sister, I am not the 'settling down' type. I am quite happy as a bachelor. My life is full and leaves me quite content. I have a great job, an amazing townhouse, a fast car, a beautiful baby sister…" I trailed off as she continued to glare at me. "I _like_ my life."

"Content, maybe, Edward, but I know you're not _happy_," she said quietly. I felt the lump rise in my throat as I looked away, avoiding her gaze. _God Damnit, Alice. _She had a way of digging up things better left buried. We traveled in silence the rest of the way home.

••••••••

The next three days were a blur of distant relatives, tissues, tears (for Alice, at least) and many condolences, most of which came from people I didn't even know. Jasper had been around for most of it, thank God. He had kept Alice, if not stable, at least from falling apart every few minutes. My respect for him had grown considerably in the past 72 hours as I watched him interact with Alice.

The boy was head over heels in love with her. He doted on her constantly. _Where the hell did this come from? My baby sister is in a real, meaningful relationship?_ If there was one thing Alice and I had in common, it was our inability to maintain solid relationships. Frankly, it was what made us our parents' children. My father had never gotten over my mother and he wouldn't allow anyone else to either. I suppose it was the way he clung to her memory decades after her death that had left me too afraid to commit and Alice far too willing to.

"That's the last of them." Alice sighed as she entered the kitchen. She made her way around the center island to where I stood and wrapped her arms around my waist. I hugged her tightly and nestled my chin in her hair.

"We made it," I murmured. I felt her give me a squeeze before releasing me.

"We did. It's been a long day and I'm going to crash, okay?" Jasper stood in the doorway, waiting for her and part of me, the mature, responsible, big-brother part, wanted to give her a lecture on safe sex. But I held my tongue as she gave me a peck on the cheek.

She had caught my glance in his direction though. "Jasper will be helping us to start sorting the house tomorrow." I nodded mutely. "Good night, Edward."

"Good night, Alice." I nodded at Jasper and watched the two of them leave. Her hand found his as they made their way up the staircase and my sister's words came back to me.

_Someday, you'll meet a girl…Ha! Not likely, Alice._ I was a perpetual bachelor. I had accepted this, no, _reveled_ in it, but for the first time in a long time, I felt a twinge of sadness at my singlehood.

Chalking it up to an emotional week and too much wine, I shook it off. I downed the rest of my glass and headed for bed myself.

••••••••

"Edward. What do you want me to do with all these files?" Alice called from our father's study. I dropped the box of clothes I had sorted for Goodwill and wandered into the study.

"Alice?"

"I'm right here!" I followed the sound of her voice around a pile of boxes to find her sitting on the floor behind the mahogany desk that dominated the room. "There are more files in his desk, and then there's that whole cabinet over there…"

I could hear the tears invading her voice again. She still had smudges on her cheeks from the last bout of tears that had mixed with dust from the attic. I couldn't count the number of crying spells that she had had today. It appeared that packing up Dad's things had finally made everything real for her. It was all Jasper and I could do to keep her from bawling constantly.

The last tear fest had occurred when she had found boxes of my mother's things up in the attic, mementos of a happier time. I had hoped that sending her down to my father's study, a room that she likely had less emotional attachment to, would grant Jasper and I the time to finish the attic. _Now, it seems I'll be sorting the attic myself._

"Don't worry about the files. Dr. Laurie will be over this afternoon to take care of those. Just concentrate on the books and the personal items." Tim Laurie had been one of my father's closest friends. They had practiced together for nearly thirty years and he had graciously offered to go through my father's files to determine what could be destroyed. "I'll send Jasper down to help. Some of those things could get heavy." I rubbed her head affectionately like I had when she was a kid.

She batted my hand away subconsciously and sniffed. "I'm fine." She began re-stacking a pile of books, trying to hide a tear that had escaped.

"I'll send Jasper down. We're almost done with the attic anyway."

She nodded noncommittally and I headed up to the third floor where the trapdoor to the attic was pulled down. "Jasper?" I stood at the bottom of the ladder and waited. It was less than minute before his honey blond curls appeared at the top of the ladder. He saw my face and nodded.

"She's not okay?" he asked. I shrugged. The guy always seemed to be keyed into Alice's moods. It was kind of creepy but extremely helpful at the same time.

"She's teetering on the edge." I gave him an apologetic shrug. "I'm no good with crying and girls and emotional crap and…yeah," I finished lamely as Jasper made his way down the ladder.

He smiled. "The secret to crying girls, Edward, is to just hold them and let them cry. It's not that hard."

I shook my head. "That is all you, buddy." I clapped him on the shoulder and he chuckled.

"I'll take her out to get her mind off of things. Any preferences for lunch? There's a great pizza place about 14, 15 blocks from here."

"Ah! I haven't had a slice of real New York pie in years." I grinned. "A man after my own heart."

Jasper laughed. "Pizza it is. We'll grab that while you finish up the attic?" he asked ruefully. "There's not much left," he added.

"No problem. I'll finish it. You grab lunch and Alice." I smiled and headed up the ladder into the attic.

Jasper was growing on me. The more time I spent with him, the more I liked him. He was a calm, mature soul and for some reason, just being around him, had kept Alice calm as well. He was like a soothing presence for her.

_Believe it or not, dear little Alice, I approve._ I smiled knowing I could worry a little less about Alice living in New York on her own once I returned to Maine. Dad had often been just a few blocks away. They had always resided in the same borough, at least, but now…_At least now, she'll have Jasper._ I sighed and headed for the final corner of the attic that was still awaiting attention.

Everything else had been sorted into three piles: Trash, Goodwill and Keep. The _Keep_ pile would have to be organized afterwards but my goal was to just douche the house and debate later.

I grabbed the nearest box and set it on an old rickety desk that had made its way into the _Trash_ pile. I quickly opened the box and laughed as the dust cleared and I saw my old trucks. I picked one up and inspected the little dump truck. A rush of nostalgia washed over me and for a brief moment, I wanted nothing more than to take the truck home with me; it could find a home on my mantel piece or on my piano, perhaps. I could picture it there…

"It's a rusty piece of trash, Edward," I reminded myself. "You're not a child anymore. Throw it out." I felt a twinge as I tossed the whole box into the _Trash_ pile but I left it there, just the same. The next few boxes contained various grade school papers and assignments which I promptly added to the _Trash_ pile.

My father, it would seem, had refused to throw out anything that my mother had even touched. This, of course, proved my theory that he had never gotten over her and for the first time in years, I actually sympathized with him. My mother, my beautiful mother had been the soul of our family.  
Her loss had proven to be far too great for this family to ever recover from.

I felt tears begin to well into my eyes and I quickly threw myself into the next box. It contained a few various baseballs and some mitts. I added those to the _Goodwill_ pile, hoping some other child would prove more adept at baseball than I had been.

The bottom of the box held our old beach toys. My mother's handwriting stopped me cold as I reached into to pull the toys out.

There, written on the handle of a blue plastic shovel, my mother's perfect handwriting spelled out "Alice." I stared at the handle as I felt the tears that I had held back begin to flow. I ran my finger along the cool plastic, trying desperately to get some sense of her, the woman who had cared for me, coddled me, _loved_ me more than words could express.

My father's words came back to me then as I stood there in the middle of the attic, surrounded by memories: "Tears don't solve anything, Edward…Be a big boy, Edward."

"Get over it, Edward," I ordered myself as I took a deep breath to steady my nerves. "It's a fucking shovel." I threw the damn thing into the _Goodwill_ pile before it could incite any further emotions that I did not care to experience.

I sorted through the remaining toys, throwing most into the _Goodwill _pile while the rest ended up in _Trash_. The last item in the box, an orange pail with a large crack down the side, went into the _Trash_ pile followed by the box.

My arm froze just as I released the pail into the air; something on the bottom had caught my eye again, but this time I refused to look. I ignored it and continued on through the remaining boxes but my eyes kept wandering back to the stupid pail. _Stupid baby toys._ A memory or a sense of déjà vu perhaps, hit me and though I racked my brain, I could not place the phrase.

I reached for another box but my eyes wouldn't leave the pail. _Well, fuck, Edward. If it means that much to you…_ I threw the box down, winced as something inside crunched and then walked over to the damn pail.

I grabbed it by the handle and flipped it over to see what had caught my eye, but was immediately distracted as something fluttered out of the bottom and floated down to the attic floor. Curious, I bent over and picked it up.

It was a photograph, an old Polaroid to be specific. I smiled as I remembered the first camera my mother had bought herself and how Alice used to show off whenever she or Dad would get behind the lens. I shook my head and chuckled as I turned the photo over, anxious to see my baby sister's antics.

I saw the beautiful brown eyes, faded though they were, before the rest of the picture. Then her wavy brown hair and that beautiful smile filled my vision. My heart skipped a beat as I took it all in. My breath caught in my throat as it hit me: S_he was real. It wasn't a dream_. My knees gave out.

My breath came out in a whoosh as I sat down hard on the floor. "Bella!" There was no stopping the tears this time. My cheeks were soaked before I was even fully aware that I was crying.

I stared at the photo and as she grew blurry from my tears, I choked back a sob. I instinctively reached for the pail, and flipping it over, found her name written on the bottom.

As I had earlier with Alice's shovel, I traced the name with my finger. "Bella." I let the name roll off my tongue and the salty tears on my lips reminded me of the taste of the ocean.

_It was a dream._ I had told myself, let myself believe that I never remembered my dreams, that I didn't dream at all but every morning I awoke with her name on my lips. There had even been a few mornings where I had woken up mid-dream calling her name. I had pushed her down, held the pain at bay and now, here in my lap, was a pail with her name on it and a photo…

I clutched the bucket and the photo to my chest as sobs suddenly threatened to break me. I wasn't sure what I was crying for: a long-lost friend, a broken childhood, my mother, my father?

I was still crying and shaking twenty minutes later when I heard Alice call my name from the third floor.

"Edward? Edward, are you still up there?" Her voice sounded worried and I fought for control.

"There wasn't much left up there." I heard Jasper's remark from somewhere below. "He should be done by now."

"Edward?" I saw Alice's spiky brown hair pop up from the ladder out of the corner of my eye, but I couldn't get my body to stop shaking long enough to convince her I was fine. "Oh, Edward," she said softly. I saw her shoo Jasper away through the blur of tears and then she was sitting beside me, wrapping her tiny arms around me and pulling me in. She rocked me while I sobbed uncontrollably.

I had no idea how long had passed when I finally ran dry. I forced myself to sit up and as Alice reached over and wiped away the last of my tears, I was made aware of the strange role reversal that had occurred.

I noticed _her_ shirt was now soaked with _my_ tears and immediately regretted my pathetic behavior. "I'm sorry." It was all I could manage to spit out.

"For what?" Alice asked, confused. I felt her fingers tuck a lock of hair behind my ear affectionately. _She's mothering you, Edward. _Alice_ is taking care of _you.

"For my behavior." I sat up straight and dried my cheeks on my sleeve. "We have a lot to do. We don't have time for this shit."

"Edward." Alice looked at me reprovingly as I stood up. I slipped the Polaroid into my pocket, unwilling to part with it for even a moment. Alice stayed where she was, staring up at me in shock. "Edward," she began again. "There's nothing childish-"

"Come on." I cut her off mid-sentence. "The pizza is getting cold and Jasper is waiting." I sounded cold and my words were clipped but I was done with this conversation and Alice would have to accept that.

"But, Edward-"

"Let's go, Alice, now." My tone brought an end to the conversation finally and I motioned for Alice to precede me down the ladder. As she began to climb down, I could see the pain and confusion on her face, but I ignored it. I waited until she was out of sight before picking up the orange pail and trailing after her.

**Reviews make the world go 'round…just sayin **


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N**

**I apologize profusely for the hold up. The past two weeks have been crazy: doctors, ER's and 70 hour work weeks do not a punctual fan fic writer make ****. I will do my best to keep RL at bay in the future because I'm sure we all missed Prickward & Izzy.**

**That being said…**

**Chapter 4 **

**Bella POV**

I poked at my salad but had lost my appetite. Darlene had completely given up on appearances and sat gazing at her untouched burger. "So," she paused and then looked up at me. "Are we out of job, then?"

I shrugged but didn't answer at first. I couldn't look her in the eye when I finally replied. "The impression I got was…well, there's no way Seacoast can afford to fight this in court and any attorney we could hire…"

"We might as well just settle?" I nodded. "Fuck!" She shook her head and leaned back in her chair. "I can't believe you didn't tell me, Izzy."

The senior level editors had been briefed on Wednesday, but the company-wide memo regarding the law suit hadn't gone out until this morning. _Happy Friday,_ I thought bitterly. We had all been under strict orders to keep our mouths shut until the news broke. Now, Darlene and I were grabbing a quick lunch while our careers came crashing down around us.

"Even if we settle, it would probably bankrupt the House," I said, throwing my fork down in disgust. "It's fucking Arbitrary House, for God's sake. We're screwed!" I could feel the tears brimming, not for the first time. I loathed my tear ducts. They were hard-wired to my emotions and would turn on every time I was the least bit emotional.

"What the fuck do they want with _us_!" Darlene's outburst made the patrons at the closest table jump and look around in surprise. She shot them a scathing look and then returned to staring at her burger.

"I don't know. There was all this legal mumbo jumbo. I couldn't understand half the things they were saying." I sighed. "All I managed to get out of the _six hours_ of meetings we had was that it has something to do with Merriman; his contract with them and his contract with us or something. I don't even know." I gave up on my attempt at an explanation and just shook my head.

"That little shit! Can we countersue or something?" I shrugged and rolled my eyes.

"I imagine we would run into the same financial problem." I picked my fork back up and poked at the now wilting lettuce.

"Aw, sweetie." Her gentle tone did not help my fight against the tears. I stared at the tablecloth as my vision blurred.

"We're both screwed."

"Yeah, but this is your dream, Izzy. I'm just paying the bills. Frankly, Daddy can do that, if necessary." She gave a short humorless laugh. "He pays enough of _Toby's_ bills. He could stand to pay a few of mine for awhile."

Darlene's father was a rather wealthy man and though she worked, she probably didn't need to. She could likely live quite comfortably off the interest from her trust fund. I, on the other hand, had made my way through community college back home in Washington by living off of Ramen noodles and macaroni and cheese. At 33 years old, I had struggled my way up the corporate ladder. I was lucky to have gotten as far as I had in so short a time. I was lost in a daze watching my future run down the drain when I realized Darlene was still talking. I silently chastised myself for spacing out and turned my attention back to her.

"…so clearly _I_ am the better child. He should be happy to help me out, right?" She glanced at me and I quickly nodded in agreement. "Right," she said, smiling.

"Oh, your brother!" I said, remembering our lunch on Wednesday.

"Tell me about it." She rolled her eyes and took a long sip of her Coke.

"No, no. I was wondering about the case. Did Cullen get him off?" I said. _Cullen…I like the way that rolls of my tongue._ My imagination quickly found other uses for my tongue and Attorney Cullen. I felt my face grow warm as I realized I couldn't even say his name without launching into an erotic daydream. Luckily, Darlene was already in full rant mode about Toby and missed the tell-tale coloring of my cheeks.

The moment she uttered his name though, I was riveted, hanging onto every word, desperate for any detail I could procure. "Well, Cullen got him off, of course. He _always_ wins. Daddy said he seemed out of it though. He even called Toby a 'dumb shit' and told him to stop robbing convenience stores." Darlene laughed out loud. "Toby apparently went white as a sheet and was completely pissed off, but Daddy thought it was highly amusing. He said, 'That boy's got gumption,' whatever the hell that means.

"So, I imagine Edward Cullen is still invited to the annual Anderson Christmas party. In fact, Daddy will probably send _his_ invitation before he sends Toby's." We both laughed out loud at this.

_So Edward Cullen will be at the Anderson Christmas Party._ I bit my lip and felt my heartbeat increase as the perfect opportunity to meet Edward Cullen, Esquire, presented itself. _Should I or shouldn't I? _Perhaps Darlene was right and it was time my parents accepted that I had a life. _They_ were more than welcome to come visit _me_. I was always the one who had to travel across the country to visit them. It wasn't too selfish to stay put for the holidays…was it?

I was so lost in my internal debate over Christmas that Darlene had to throw a French fry at me to get my attention. "Hey! What are you thinking about?" She eyed me suspiciously.

"Uh, Christmas?" It was a somewhat truthful answer, but I could still feel the blood rushing to my cheeks.

"Christmas?" She looked at me, confusion evident on her face. "Oh my God." Her eyes lit up and I felt my stomach drop. _Oh Christ, she knows._ "You naughty girl!" I froze as she burst out laughing. "You're going to do it, aren't you?" _Oh good God._ "You're going to tell your parents to fuck off and you're going to spend Christmas with me!"

"Yes! Yes, I am," I said, nodding. _Oh, thank God. _Darlene was far too skilled at reading me. I was lucky to keep anything from her and this schoolgirl infatuation with a freaking newspaper ad would be no exception.

"Good for you! I am so proud of you, Izzy." She beamed at me from across the table. "Let them come to you this year, especially if we're going to be unemployed soon."

I grimaced as I thought of my parents attending the Anderson Christmas party with me. My mother was even better at reading me than Darlene was. Distance had not had any effect on my mother's intuition when it came to me. She would know immediately that I was attracted to Edward Cullen and she would fawn over him for the entire evening. I decided to play up the fact that I had plans for the holidays and convince my parents to stay in their respective states.

My mind made up, I picked up my fork and stabbed at a carrot. Popping it into my mouth, I turned my attention back to Darlene who was now regaling me with the latest office gossip.

••••••••

I stared at the phone and willed it to burst into flames, to no avail. Christmas was nearly two months away, but the good and dutiful daughter in me had, for some insane reason, decided to break the news of my alternate holiday plans early. Dad had been easy. He had Sue and the Forks Police Department to keep him plenty busy. He had been sorry to miss me for the holidays but understood.

My mother, on the other hand… _Call her later! _I scoffed at the thought. _When? January? It's not going to get any easier. _I argued with myself while staring at the phone. I knew if I waited too long to break the news, my mother would likely find out from someone back in Forks. She still spoke to my friend Angela's mom occasionally. _If she found out from someone else… _I realized I was subconsciously leaning away from the receiver as if it were going to jump up and bite me, when Darlene burst into the office, a newspaper in hand. She saw me eyeing the telephone warily and laughed.

"Just call her! What's the worst that could happen?"

"The worst? She thinks I don't love her anymore and drops dead of a broken heart," I answered immediately.

"People don't die of a broken heart, Izzy. This isn't one of your old fashioned novels."

"Jane Austen's books aren't 'old fashioned novels,'" I retorted. "They are classics and incredible examples of beautiful writing and well-developed characters and-"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, what would Jane Eyre do if she had to ditch that Darcy guy to go to a rockin' Christmas party?"

"Mr. Darcy was with Elizabeth Bennet _not _Jane Eyre. _Jane Eyre_ isn't even by Austen." I shook my head and continued, "Why does someone who doesn't read anything more substantial than People magazine go into publishing?"

"Great benefits." Darlene smirked at me. "Like Wes in the mailroom." She cocked her eyebrow and her grin widened. "He was very beneficial."

I dropped my forehead to the desk to hide the answering smirk that now crept across my face. "You're terrible!" I called, still staring at the desktop. Lifting my head, I couldn't help but chuckle. "What do you want anyway?"

I crossed my arms and leaned back in my chair, giving Darlene my best stern look. I was failing miserably and she continued to smirk at me.

"Here, hot off the presses. Check out page 2." She dropped the newspaper on my desk and my heart leapt in my throat. I quickly grew angry at myself as I realized I was hoping she'd brought me another Noyes, Kingston and Cullen ad. I opened the paper, a little too eagerly, and my face fell as she pointed out an article.

_Local publishing house, Seacoast Books, Inc, nets lawsuit._ I skimmed the article which basically summed up everything we had heard through meetings and memos. In addition, there were a number of details they had not mentioned to us. It looked like the Portland Press Herald had come to the same conclusion I had:_ We're screwed._

"Great," I muttered. As reality set in about the looming possibility of unemployment, I was infuriated with myself for being more disappointed about not seeing another photo of Edward Cullen than I was about my future lack of a career. _Jesus, Izzy, get your head in the game. You need to get over this pathetic schoolgirl crush!_

"I know." Once again, Darlene pulled me back from my mental wanderings and I glanced up to see her smiling sadly. "We'll get through this, darling. Now, call your mother." My forehead dropped back to the desk and I groaned. "Do it!" she ordered as she headed out of my office.

Knowing she was right, I sat up and eyed my telephone. I took a deep breath and reached for my headset. _I can do this. I can do this, _I thought as I dialed my mother's number.

**Edward POV**

Alice stood in the doorway of my childhood bedroom watching me, her eyes scrutinizing my every move. She had been a constant presence since finding me in the attic the day before. I kept catching her staring at me, as she was now. It was as if she was waiting for me to have an emotional breakdown. I did my best to ignore her as I finished packing my bag.

"What time is your flight?" she asked for the umpteenth time.

"6:35." I continued to shove tee shirts into the bag but the pitiful look on her face as she gazed at me had become incredibly irritating. Finally, I threw the last of my clothes on the bed in disgust. "What?" I demanded. "Alice, what do you want? You've been following me around for two days, ignoring Jasper, refusing to leave my side. What?"

"I want to go with you." She waited for my reaction, her trepidation apparent on her face.

"What?"

"I want to go back to Maine with you."

"Permanently?" I asked, horrified.

"Well, no. Just to visit for a while." The idea of Alice continuing this baby-sitting act once I had returned home did not intrigue me.

"Alice," I began, "I won't have any time off. I have cases that I've just left for a week. I won't be able to spend any time with you. Why don't you wait a few weeks? You can come for Christmas."

"I don't need a guide, Edward. I can take care of myself while you're at work. It'll be fun." She smiled up at me and I swore silently. She was well aware that I could not say no to her.

"What about Jasper?" I hoped this would at least deter her a bit but her smile widened.

"He has to work Monday and Tuesday, but he managed to finagle the next two weeks off." I could tell she was bursting with excitement and not even the displeased look on my face could bring her down.

"Well, there's Dad's estate, sweetie. They'll be needing someone to sign the papers and-"

"_You_ said that Oliver Williams is a top-notch attorney. You picked him out yourself, Edward. I'm sure he can handle things," she said dryly. Her expression had grown stern and I knew I had lost.

"Fine." I tried to keep the irritation out of my voice. "So you're flying out on Wednesday with Jasper?" I reached down to pack the last tee shirt still lying on my bed.

"Um, well, I actually booked a seat on your flight yesterday."

"My flight…uh, okay." I zipped up my bag and tried to wrap my head around the fact that Alice would be tagging along for my return trip.

"Are you mad?"

"No, uh, no, I'm not mad, Alice. I'm not sure why you waited until now to share this. I, _we_," I corrected myself, "need to leave for JFK in twenty minutes."

"I'm already packed." She smiled brightly and then launched herself at me. I caught her in a hug and rolled my eyes as she announced, "This will be fun, Edward."

Ninety minutes later, we were standing at the Delta desk. "Edward, this is silly! It's a really short flight. I think I'll survive."

"There's no need for you to fly coach. I need to upgrade this ticket." I turned my attention to the lady behind the counter. As I handed her the ticket and my credit card, I gave her a seductive smile. I felt my groin tighten as I caught her responding blush. There was something about girls who blushed that I could not get over. She dropped her gaze and went to work on her computer.

"Edward…Edward!" I pried my eyes away from the counter and turned back to Alice.

"Alice, I am your older brother and head of the family now. Don't argue with me," I said sternly. We stared at each other stubbornly before Alice burst out laughing.

"You wish!" She rolled her eyes. "It's a waste of money," she said in a sing-song voice.

"It's my money and I'll waste it how I see fit," I responded in the same voice. The Delta employee handed me back Alice's ticket and I flashed another smile. "Thank you. C'mon, brat."

"Brat? Now, really, Edward…" Alice did not stop talking until we boarded the plane. My head had begun to ache and it was dawning on me that perhaps, Alice was right. _I should have left her in coach. At least I would have had 90 minutes of peace and quiet._ The lady at the Delta desk had been kind enough to give Alice the seat right next to mine. _Oh, joy._

Alice paused to catch her breath and I seized the opportunity. "Well, this will be a nice visit. Maine is quite lovely in the fall. You get to come spend-what is it? Two weeks? How long did you get off from work?" I looked at Alice innocently.

"I quit my job." Upon this admission, she immediately began fiddling with her seatbelt.

I swallowed and tried to comprehend her words. "I thought you just wanted to visit, Alice." My voice dropped to near a whisper as the thought of my sister _moving in_ with me overwhelmed me.

"Oh, I do." She smiled brightly at me. "It's just that I hated that job anyway and since I was coming to visit you, I figured it would be easier to just quit and find a new job when I get back. I miss you, Edward, but I love New York and frankly, I wouldn't want to be so far from Jasper." The last part came out in a whisper and I felt a tug in my chest. I had seen how much she and Jasper adored each other and I was truly happy that my baby sister had found someone. Especially if that someone meant I would not have Alice as a permanent roommate.

I realized I had been holding my breath and quickly let it out in a whoosh. "That works." I said. The captain's voice came over the intercom and we quit our conversation and settled in for take-off.

••••••••

It was good to be home. I led Alice up the stairs and went to strip the bed. "I'll just crash on the couch downstairs. You know where everything is," I said as I pulled new sheets from the linen closet and made the bed.

Alice nodded and took a seat on the piano bench. She ran her fingers along the smooth wood and then turned back to me.

"Don't even start." I cut her off before she could even begin to lecture me about the piano.

"I just don't understand why you don't play. You played when you were little. You played beautifully." She smiled at me. "Mom loved it when you'd play for her," she said softly.

"I just don't anymore, okay?" I could hear the pain in my own voice as that damn lump rose in my throat again. _Get a hold of yourself, Edward. You're too old to cry, for Christ's sake._ Alice rose expectantly but I merely said "I'll be downstairs," and headed for the stairwell before my emotions could get the best of me.

_Jesus, Edward, what is your problem? _ I threw a sheet and a few blankets on the futon and sat down. I dropped my head into my hands and ran my fingers through my hair. I was a fucking wreck. This past week had drained me. _I just need to get back to work, get back to my life._ That would be harder with Alice and soon, Jasper, staying with me for an undetermined amount of time. I sighed deeply and lay down.

As I closed my eyes, I thought of the broken pail still tucked in the bottom of my overnight bag and the photo which had not left my side since I had found it. I had already made plans to have it restored and possibly framed. For now, I had tucked it safely into a book on the coffee table and as I rolled onto my side to face the table, I longed to reach out and open the book. I desperately wanted to look at the photo again. I was unsure whether it was Bella's chocolate brown eyes or the pale scrawny boy in the background that so fascinated me.

He had my eyes, my hair, even the scar on his right side from when he got a little too daring on his new "big-boy" bike at the tender age of 7. But he was not me…God, no, that young and innocent child was so far removed from me now. He had been happy…or at least ignorant of the world around him. I could still hear Dr. Fisher's voice. "Three months." My mind remembered that scene far more dramatically then I'm sure it actually occurred. I certainly didn't recall Dr. Fisher looming over me or his voice echoing, but that was how it always played in my head. The man who had only ever been overly kind to Alice and I, always morphed into a monster as he advised my father of mother's imminent demise.

I briefly let my mind flicker through the "what ifs?" before scoffing at the uselessness. I could not change the events of my childhood. I could not bring my mother back or fix the holes in my relationship with my now late father.

My chest felt heavy and I felt my eyes grow moist. I could hear Alice still moving around upstairs and, terrified she would catch me crying again and _never_ leave, I closed my eyes tightly and willed the pain back inside. I had stared at the photo so often, the girl's chocolate brown eyes were burned behind my own lids and I fell asleep with her name on my lips.

••••••••

"Good morning, Carol." I strode into the office with a bouquet in one hand and a beautifully wrapped box from La Maison du Chocolat in the other. I set both on her desk and she looked up in surprise. "Thank you for your, well, for your help last week. I really appreciate it. It's not easy to drop everything and leave the office for so long on short notice. I couldn't have done it without you."

Carol smiled softly at me. "You're welcome, Mr. Cullen. You are too kind." Her eyes looked sad as she said this and I wondered at her expression. "I pushed your 9 o'clock back to 10 to give you a bit more time to re-acclimate." She smiled as she picked up the flowers and headed off to find a vase.

"Thank you," I said again as I watched her go.

Fours hours later, I had managed to settle two cases out of court. Both settlements would be extremely beneficial for my clients and I was quite pleased with myself. I was beginning to feel more like myself again. I decided to go for a walk on my lunch hour and scrounge up some food. Alice had not answered the phone when I'd called so I assumed she was still sleeping.

As I headed out into the crisp fall air, I had no definite plans for food and figured I would wander the Old Port until something jumped out at me. I was rounding the corner of Market Street when someone called my name and I stopped abruptly.

"Edward? Edward Cullen?" I turned to face the woman and blanched.

"Carly, how are you?" _Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck._

"How am I? Really, that's all you have to say?" She glared at me, fire in her eyes and part of me found this extremely attractive. It didn't help that her sweater was practically painted on and her ass… _Fuck me, she's hot when she's angry._ I decided to play dumb.

"I'm sorry? I don't understand." I gave her an innocent look.

"We share this incredible night and then you are a complete asshole to me and you run off to New York unannounced and you don't even bother to call me. What the fuck?"

"I thought you knew," I replied. "My father died on Tuesday. I had to go home to sort out his estate and make sure my little sister was okay." I tried to insert emotion into my voice and I knew I had succeeded when Carly gasped.

"Oh, Edward! I'm so sorry. I didn't realize. How…how are you doing?" She reached out and squeezed my arm and I was pleasantly surprised to see how easily she had believed my story.

"I'm doing alright. Alice, though…Alice is taking it hard." I told her how Alice had come back to Maine with me, leaving out the scene in the attic, of course, and playing up Alice's grief. We decided to grab a slice of pizza at Bill's because she said it was her favorite. I found it revolting but managed to stomach a full slice as we headed back down Commercial Street towards the firm.

We paused outside the office building where Noyes, Kingston and Cullen was housed and the conversation died. Carly gazed up at the old brick building and commented on the beauty of the structure.

"The Old Port is quite lovely," I agreed and inspiration struck. "There is a beautiful view from the bay window on the third floor."

"What's housed on the third floor?" Carly asked, turning back to me.

"Just empty offices. They haven't filled that space yet." I glanced absentmindedly up at one of the large windows that overlooked the waterfront and Carly, shallow though she was, quickly caught on.

"I'd like to see the view," she said and I grinned and motioned for her to follow me. I led her into the building and we casually headed for the elevators. I pretended to look over the Building Directory while waiting for an empty elevator.

As soon as the opportunity arose, I pulled her into the elevator and pushed the "3." We didn't speak as the elevator doors closed and the car began to make its way up. I felt the excitement building in my groin as the bell dinged and we got off the elevator onto the dark and quiet third floor.

I grinned at Carly and turned to the right, heading for the large conference room with floor to ceiling windows. I leaned against the conference table and surveyed the view as I waited for her to catch up.

"Wow." She sounded surprised as she walked around to the windows. "It really is beautiful."

"I like my view better," I said smugly.

She laughed and turned back towards me. "How original."

I smirked at her and grabbed her wrist, pulling her away from the windows and out of the conference room. The next door down had been an office and it was in here that I led her.

"What was wrong with the conference room?" she whined as I took off my jacket and tossed it on a chair.

"We're only three floors up. People would see." She grinned at the thought and opened her mouth to protest the change in location again so I quickly shut her up with a kiss. She moaned in my mouth and I remembered why she had irritated me so much the first time.

I continued kissing her, at the very least to keep her quiet. My hands roamed down to her ass and I picked her up and carried her over to the desk that had been shoved into a corner. I squeezed her ass and she moaned again. My hands wandered back around and traveled down her leg. I searched for and found the bottom of her skirt and quickly hiked it up.

I was pleased to find she had left her nylons at home. As I dropped to a crouch, I hooked my thumbs under the strings of her thong and slowly pulled it down, over her hips and then over her knees, until she kicked it off. I smiled and admired her legs. I ran my lips up the length of her leg, inhaling her scent. My hands followed the trail my lips had made and when I reached the apex at her centre Islipped my thumb inside her. She was already ready for me and I stood quickly, eager to take her. She unzipped my fly, freeing my cock from its confines, and wrapped her hand around me. I grunted as she began stroking my shaft and I felt her lips on my neck. I felt my dick hardening under her touch and I quickly reached for my coat, snagging the condom out of the inside pocket.

She took it from me and opened it slowly, tantalizingly, before unrolling it down the length of my cock. She leaned back on the desk on her elbows and spread her legs, waiting for me. I ran my thumb down her slit and watched her shiver before I made my way to her entrance. She wrapped her hands around the edge of the desk in anticipation and, as a small whimper escaped her lips, I entered her.

She cried aloud as I took her. I wrapped my hands around her hips and held her steady as I moved faster. She moaned and lay back on the desk, one hand still clinging to the edge; she threw the other arm over her face. I heard her muffled cries with every thrust and I knew it wouldn't take long. I was briefly grateful that she shut herself up this time; I didn't need to listen to her while I fucked her. This was purely a release of tension for me; something to rid me of the pressures and emotional baggage of the last week. Pushing those thoughts aside, I buried myself deeper and deeper inside of her until finally, she cried out and as I felt her inner muscles tighten around me, my own orgasm washed over me. We both collapsed on the desk and lay there, panting, for a few minutes.

"I have to get back to work," she finally said and I immediately thought, _That's my line._

"Yeah, me too." I stood up and began re-dressing myself. I watched Carly scamper over to the corner of the office to retrieve her panties and almost burst out laughing at the absurdity of the scene. I fixed my tie and grabbed my jacket. Double-checking my fly, I opened the office door for Carly, and motioned for her to go first.

We made our way back to the elevators and I pushed the button. We waited patiently for the elevator to show until she finally broke the silence.

"So, your sister's in town?"

"Uh, yeah. Yup, I'm going to take her around, show her the sights, you know? Typical tourist crap." I nodded and took a deep breath.

"So you'll probably be busy this weekend?" _Oh, Christ._ I could hear the hopefulness in her voice and I chastised myself for allowing this to continue past a one night stand.

"Pretty busy. Yeah, we have a show that we're going to and dinner and, and…yeah. Really busy."

"How long is she staying?"

"I'm not really sure. Nothing's been set in stone, yet so…" I trailed off as the elevator doors opened and we both stepped inside. We had been lucky enough to get another empty elevator and I pushed "2" for myself and "L" for Carly. Our conversation fell off again as the doors closed and we descended. The bell signaled we had reached the second floor and I stepped off pausing in the doorway.

"Um, so I guess I'll see you round?" she mumbled, glancing up at me.

"Yeah, I guess so. Have a good afternoon, Carly." I watched disappointment flicker across her face as the doors closed and then turned and headed for my office. Carol was not at her desk. I headed for the door to my office, stopping at a painting on the wall to check the state of my hair in my reflection in the glass. I groaned and tried to fix it, but it would not lay flat. I gave up and reached for the door handle. As I stepped into my office, I nearly ran over a young woman. I managed to stop her fall as she stumbled and my breath caught in my throat as I stared down into a beautiful pair of chocolate-brown eyes.

**Oh my! **

**A little plea for reviews (is that shameless?): I heart them and they really do make me want to post faster. If you don't know what to say, try and sum up your feelings on the chapter with one word… **


	6. Chapter 5

**I apologize for the delay. RL has been rough. If I could find a way to quit my job and write fanfic full time, believe me I would. **

**A big shoutout to my betas, Jenn and Bee. You guys are the best!**

**This is a fairly crucial scene. As such, I have written it from both Bella/Izzy and Edward's point of view. I think it's important you know how this affected each of them.**

**Swift as a shadow, short as any dream,  
Brief as the lightning in the collied night,  
That, in a spleen, unfolds both heaven and earth;  
And ere a man hath power to say "Behold!"  
The jaws of darkness do devour it up:  
So quick bright things come to confusion. **

_**A Midsummer Night's Dream Act 1, scene 1, 144-149**_

**B(I)POV**

_Oh my…_ Edward Cullen, Esquire was breathtaking, literally, and currently standing mere inches from me. I tried to remember how to get air into my lungs as I stared into his eyes. They were stormy green, sharp and piercing, and they held me prisoner as the world around us disappeared. There _were_ others in the room. I was sure I recalled someone…something…

"Attorney Cullen." Darlene's voice shattered the private bubble we were trapped in. I inhaled sharply as he broke eye contact and turned towards the interruption. My heart was pounding and my palms were sweaty as I gulped in air, fighting the spots that were sprinkled across my vision. _What the hell was that, Izzy?_

I glanced down at my arm where Edward still grasped me tightly, holding me steady. _Nice, Izzy, you clumsy bitch. It's bad enough that you're head over heels for this guy. I can't believe you _literally_ fell for him._ Irritated with myself, I cleared my throat a little too loudly. Edward immediately removed his hand from my arm as though I'd shocked him.

I felt my cheeks start to redden at this small rejection and my eyes fell to the floor. The weight of his hand still lingered and my nerves tingled, missing his touch already.

"Can I help you?" His voice was as smooth as velvet. My eyes were drawn back to his face as he spoke and I caught myself biting my lower lip again. His attention was still focused on Darlene and I took the opportunity to admire Edward Cullen in the flesh. The photo from the newspaper had truly not done him justice.

His bronze locks were tousled and slightly damp, as if he'd just come in from a run, and my fingers itched to get lost in the disheveled mane. My eyes followed his jaw line down to his lips and I longed to find out if he tasted as good as he looked. I rubbed my thighs together, squirming a little at my current train of thought.

"My name is Darlene Anderson." Darlene offered a hand which Edward promptly shook, still looking confused. "You know my father, Philip Anderson." Darlene paused, then said with a sigh, "And my brother, Toby."

"Ah, yes." Edward nodded. "Thank you, Carol." He gestured to the two leather seats Carol had been showing us to initially, and his assistant left, shutting the door behind her. I followed Darlene and took a seat while Edward sat across from us. I turned to Darlene and waited for her to speak.

When she had told me what her lunch plans were I had insisted on accompanying her, for moral support, of course. I wasn't crazy enough to feel the need to seek out a man I had never met, never spoken to, simply because I thought him good-looking. _Just keep telling yourself that, Izzy. Oh, and good-looking? The man is god-like._ I tried to ignore the damn voice in my head but I did have to admit: there was something more to this.

Yes, there was definitely something more about Edward Cullen….the way his fingers were constantly running through that beautiful, just-sexed hair, the way his eyes had gazed at me. They were dazzling, his green eyes, and the same color as the sea when the sun hits it. _God, that's familiar…_

Edward Cullen cleared his throat and I immediately brought myself back to the present. "Are you-" He glanced at me, paused and then turned back to Darlene. "Are you in some sort of trouble, Ms. Anderson?"

There was a long silence while he locked eyes with Darlene, who was looking rather bewildered, before she gasped and burst out laughing. "Oh, Christ, no! Sorry, Mr. Cullen, I'm the good child. There'll be no need of your services for _me_." Darlene continued laughing and shook her head as she reached into her purse. I watched as she dug through her over-sized designer pocketbook, looking for the heavy, expensive envelope she had shown me back at work.

Unable to stop myself, I glanced back at Edward and was shocked to see his piercing green eyes focused on me. He looked away quickly and I flushed and turned back to Darlene. _Was he just staring at me?_ I felt short of breath again and my heart was all aflutter as I watched Darlene hand the envelope to him.

"Does your friend speak?" Edward glanced at me, amusement dancing in his eyes as he took the envelope from Darlene. He flashed a crooked grin at me and I realized, a little too late, that my mouth was hanging open. I snapped it shut and put on what I hoped, was an annoyed expression.

"Oh yeah, forgive my manners. This is my friend Izzy. We work together at Seacoast."

"Seacoast? The publisher?" Edward paused, the envelope half-open in his hands. Darlene and I both nodded. I still hadn't spoken and the image of a nodding dog appeared in my thoughts. As I shook my head and straightened up, Edward leaned back in his chair and propped his right leg up on his left knee. I marveled at how much more attractive he looked when he dropped the professional exterior. "One of my partners, Scott Kingston, has been following the stories in the media regarding the suit from Arbitrary House. He's quite interested in the case, actually. He thinks it could go either way. The law in question is so gray; it'll likely come down to the strength of the lawyers, more than the actual law."

"He's interested in the case?" I didn't realize the question had come from me until Edward Cullen turned his attention back to where I sat. I fought the fire in my cheeks with everything I had as my mind decided, without my consent, that this was the perfect opportunity to picture him in my shower.

He smirked at me and said, with mock surprise, "She speaks!" I felt anger and humiliation wash over me and dropped my gaze to the floor, lest my eyes, cursed traitors that they were, threaten to fill with tears. Edward, with a touch of amusement in his voice, continued, "Yes, Scott has quite the background in literary law. He would honestly be the best possible choice for your publishing house."

"Well then, perhaps, Seacoast will hire Attorney Kingston." My voice sounded cold and I saw Edward's expression falter briefly at my icy tone. He quickly resumed his smug expression when he caught my gaze.

"Scott Kingston is one of the top attorneys in the country, dear. I've heard some of the financial statistics for your little publishing house. I seriously doubt Seacoast could afford our firm," he said in an infuriatingly condescending tone. I felt tears begin to prick my eyes as Cullen continued to smirk to himself. He picked up the envelope and finished opening it.

Darlene shot me a warning look before turning back to Cullen. "What is this?" he asked her as he slipped the ornate invitation out of its envelope.

"My father respectfully requests your presence at our family's annual holiday party." Darlene rolled her eyes. "He wanted me to hand deliver this to you and extend his dearest thanks for all you've done for my idiot brother."

Cullen laughed. "Toby is one my best clients. And by best, I mean, of course, most frequent." He and Darlene laughed while I sat there, seething. _ How dare you speak to me like a child? What an arrogant, fucking, son-of-a-_

"It would be good for you." _Oh my God, Izzy. Why are you talking? Stop. Talking. Now! _"Well, for him, or for the firm, really. It would be good for the firm." I nodded at him while screaming at myself internally. _Shut up. Shut up, shut up, SHUT UP. _

"I'm sorry?" Cullen turned towards me and Darlene followed suit. Darlene was glaring at me so fiercely, I nearly recoiled.

"Uh…um, well if you took the case. If _Kingston_ took the case," I corrected myself, "It would look good for the firm. You'd be helping out a small, local company and…" _Why can't I speak in front of him? I sound like an idiot._ "I just, I think would look good if your firm saved a small publishing house from being squashed by this publishing giant."

I immediately dropped my eyes and pretended to be fascinated by the exquisite Persian rug lying on the floor beneath my feet. There was silence as Cullen and Darlene digested my announcement. I heard Cullen chuckle to himself. _The joke is at my expense, no doubt,_ I thought bitterly.

"I'm sure that's true-"

"And if he's so interested in the case, surely he wouldn't object to taking it on. It would boost his reputation as the foremost attorney in literary law, no?" Seriously, my voice seemed to be working independently of my brain at the moment. It was rather worrisome.

"Well, yes, but-"

"Perhaps, you should suggest he take it on." The spit-fire in my voice surprised even me. The past week had been a jumble of mixed emotions and Edward Cullen's words had hurt, angered and frustrated me on top of that. Not to mention, I was still sick with worry about my future. A chance to help Seacoast, to keep myself employed, had presented itself and I was not willing to let it slip through my fingers.

Cullen gave me a patient look that was extraordinarily patronizing and maddening. I fought back the urge to reach over and slap him. I desperately wanted to tackle him and punch that pretty jaw, but as he licked his lips and cocked his eyebrow at me, the thought occurred to me…_Perhaps, I just want to tackle him._ I couldn't figure out if I wanted to beat him or fuck him and the indecision was oddly exciting.

"Well, Ms.-" He glanced at me and when I couldn't get the word out, shifted his gaze to Darlene.

"Swan." She waited for him to turn back to me before, once again, shooting daggers at me with her eyes.

"Ms. Swan, that all may very well be true, but there is, of course, the previously mentioned problem of the lawyers' fees. Scott-"

"If the case helps the firm, maybe Kingston would be willing to take it on at a lower rate." It was a desperate wish and I knew it.

Cullen laughed out loud and shook his head. "Attorney Kingston and the firm of Kingston, Cullen and Noyes do not take on _charity _cases." He said, the last two words dripping with contempt. "That's what Public Defenders are for, sweetie." _Sweetie?_ I was shaking and my eyes were already threatening to spill over.

"Certainly, it could be debated if Seacoast wished to retain our firm. Of course, that would need to be a conversation between Scott Kingston's team and the Seacoast Books' board of directors. Neither you nor I have the power to make that decision." I fumed at his haughty tone, my eyes still on the carpet, while he smiled to himself. "Unless, of course, you _do_ have that power. Are you on the board of directors, Ms. Swan?"

"No," I mumbled quietly, angry at being chastised.

"Ah, alas, it is out of our hands. Would either of you like a drink? I'm afraid I've been a terrible host-"

"I have a meeting," I said to Darlene as I rose quickly. "_We_ have a meeting. We should go." I glared down at her, daring her to object.

"Uh, okay." Darlene grabbed her purse and sighed resignedly. The look on her face clearly showed that she was not impressed with my behavior. Edward and Darlene rose in unison.

"Are you sure? One cup of cof-"

"We have to go," I replied icily. For a brief moment, I thought I saw disappointment flicker across that god-like face, but it was gone before I could be sure.

"Oh, okay. Well, Ms. Anderson, please thank your father for his kind invitation." He flashed Darlene a brief smile before leading us to the door of his office. "It was a pleasure meeting both of you." He shook hands with Darlene and she wished him well as she exited. "Ms. Swan." I tried in vain to look disdainfully at his outstretched hand but he grasped mine before I was aware what was happening. His hand was cool and smooth as he held mine a little longer than was considered polite. My heart beat increased at his touch and I tried, hopelessly, to keep my breathing under control.

"Mr. Cullen," I said quietly, unable to keep my eyes away from his face. I threatened to get lost in those stormy eyes again as we gazed at each other. Just as I thought I saw a hint of vulnerability in his face, he broke away and dropped my hand.

I staggered a little on my way out of his office, unsure of what had just occurred. I gave his assistant a vague wave and followed Darlene to the elevators. We stepped inside and as the doors closed, she spun towards me. "What. The. Fuck, Izzy?"

I looked at her bewildered. "He was-"

"He was nothing. You don't walk into a man's office and just demand he take a case. Jesus, what were you thinking?"

"He was an asshole."

"I told you the guy was a jerk. Damnit, why did you come along?"

I was getting angry again as I remembered Cullen's harsh words and snotty behavior. "Just forget it." I crossed my arms and stalked out of the elevator as we reached the ground floor.

"Forget it? Izzy-"

"I said forget it, Darlene. Drop it. Let's go." I marched out of the building, my anger growing with every step.

**EPOV**

I tried to form words but I was lost in those eyes. The whole of the world melted around me as I stared into the pools of melted chocolate. I felt my breath catch in my throat as she stared back at me and I longed to run a finger down her pale face, brush a dark brown tendril from her cheek. It was all I could do to hold back. Everything else: work, my father, Carly, everything was forgotten as I gazed into her eyes.

I couldn't speak. I couldn't breathe. I could barely move as we stood there. I could feel an electricity passing between us as I held her steady and the vulnerability in her eyes as she looked at me sheepishly was incredibly attractive. I couldn't draw my eyes from her. I opened my mouth to say her name. _Bella…_

"Attorney Cullen." The sharp voice of someone else in the room broke my concentration and I cursed silently. _What? What the fuck do you want?_ I unwillingly dragged my eyes away from the brown-eyed beauty next to me to see who had called my name. There was another woman standing next to Carol just a few feet into my office. She looked vaguely familiar but I couldn't place her.

The woman whose arm I was still clutching cleared her throat loudly and I immediately let go of her. _Looking for a sexual harassment suit, Edward? _I chastised myself. I was afraid to look at her and drown in her gaze again, so I kept my eyes focused on the other woman.

"Can I help you?" I had no idea who the woman was and was a little irritated that Carol had taken it upon herself to show these two strangers into my office.

"My name is Darlene Anderson." _Darlene? Darlene? _I ran through my mental black book, desperate to remember who she was and whether or not I had fucked her. Nothing was ringing any bells.

"You know my father, Philip Anderson…and my brother Toby." _Oh Christ, another Anderson kid. What the hell is wrong with that family?_

"Ah, yes. Thank you, Carol." I nodded and motioned to the chairs off to one side of my office. I watched the brown-eyed beauty follow her friend and I was so enthralled by her presence I forgot to check out her ass. She stumbled on the edge of the carpet and my arms ached to reach out and steady her but I kept my hands to myself. I watched her sit and quickly took the seat directly across from her.

I knew if I didn't get down to business, I would just sit here and gaze at her all day, so I promptly turned to Darlene Anderson and cleared my throat. "Are you-" _Just one look, to see if she's looking at you._ I glanced at the brown-eyed beauty and was elated to find her gazing at me. I felt my heart leap as I forced my attention back to Darlene. "Are you in some sort of trouble, Ms. Anderson?"

I gave her a hard look, refusing to let my eyes wander back to her friend. Jesus, it was hard not to seek out those brown eyes. Darlene gasped and then broke into a fit of laughter. "Oh, Christ, no! Sorry, Mr. Cullen, I'm the good child. There'll be no need of your services for _me_." _Oh, thank God. _I had no desire to talk business and was not sure I even could in this beautiful woman's presence.

Darlene began to rifle though a massive purse and I took the opportunity to gaze at the brown-eyed beauty now that she had turned back towards her friend. I longed to run my fingers through the silky dark waves that cascaded down her back. I wanted to spend hours just staring into her eyes and- _Jesus, Edward, you're such a sap._ I was ripped from my daydream as her eyes found mine and I quickly turned away.

From the corner of my eye, I saw a lovely shade of rose paint its way across her cheeks and I felt my pants tighten. There's something about a girl who blushes… I was momentarily distracted as Darlene handed me an envelope. _Oh shit, what is this? Is Toby getting married? Does Philip want me to be his best man?_ I smirked at my own little joke and reached for the envelope.

My eyes found her face again and I knew, immediately, that I would happily go to any wedding for which she was in attendance. Her face was still flushed and as she licked her beautiful pink lips, I longed to taste them. She looked so much like Bella… I realized I had no idea what the woman's name was. She hadn't even spoken a word and suddenly I needed to hear her voice.

"Does your friend speak?" _Please God, let her speak._ Her surprise at abruptly becoming the topic of conversation was evident. Her mouth dropped open and I smiled at her reaction. She did not return the smile and instead shot me an irritated look. I had assumed she was shy, but I realized now that perhaps she may not appreciate my gentle kidding.

"Oh yeah, forgive my manners. This is my friend Izzy." _Izzy…it doesn't have the same ring._ I felt a wave of disappointment wash over me as I realized I had truly thought it might be Bella. The thought that this woman sitting just a few feet from me, who could have been my beautiful Bella but was not, hurt more than I thought possible. "We work together at Seacoast," Darlene finished.

"Seacoast? The publisher?" I was glad for the distraction as the name of the publishing company that had been the main topic of conversation in the office fell from Darlene's lips. I leaned back in my chair and propped my right leg up on my left. Bella or not, this brown-eyed beauty was still having an effect on me. I eagerly dove into the subject of the Arbitrary House/Seacoast case.

"One of my partners, Scott Kingston, has been following the stories in the media regarding the suit from Arbitrary House. He's quite interested in the case, actually. He thinks it could go either way. The law in question is so gray; it'll likely come down to the strength of the lawyers, more than the actual law." I wondered what plans Seacoast had to fight the allegations and if they even had the resources to do it.

"He's interested in the case?" Her voice, clear as bells, rang through my office and my heart leapt yet again.

"She speaks!" I grinned at the brown-eyed beauty, thankful I had managed to get her to talk. Desperate to hear her lovely voice again, I focused my attention on her and replied, "Yes, Scott has quite the background in literary law. He would honestly be the best possible choice for your publishing house."

"Well then, perhaps, Seacoast will hire Attorney Kingston." Her voice sounded cold and angry and I hesitated. _What did I say?_

The anger in her eyes broke the spell and, angry myself, I couldn't keep the arrogance out of my voice. "Scott Kingston is one of the top attorneys in the country, dear. I've heard some of the financial statistics for your little publishing house. I seriously doubt Seacoast could afford our firm."

I immediately regretted my tone as I watched her eyes fall to the floor. Unsure of how to correct my mistake, I turned my attention back to Darlene and the envelope still sitting in my lap. "What is this?"

"My father respectfully requests your presence at our family's annual holiday party." I looked up, surprised. Darlene rolled her eyes and continued, "He wanted me to hand deliver this to you and extend his dearest thanks for all you've done for my idiot brother."

I laughed at Darlene's sarcasm and glanced at the invitation. "Toby is one my best clients. And by best, I mean, of course, most frequent." We both laughed at this and as I read over the details, I wondered if Izzy would be there.

"It would be good for you." The sound of her voice threw me and I was so grateful to hear it again, I momentarily forgot what we had been discussing. "Well, for him, or for the firm, really. It would be good for the firm."

"I'm sorry?" I turned my attention back towards her and was immediately thankful I had loose trousers on today. She had fire in her eyes and, goddamn, she was beautiful.

"Uh…um, well if you took the case. If Kingston took the case." She stammered and blushed again. _God, beautiful__doesn't even begin to do her justice._ "It would look good for the firm. You'd be helping out a small, local company and…I just, I think would look good if your firm saved a small publishing house from being squashed by this publishing giant."

She was trying to debate the merits of Kingston, Noyes and Cullen defending Seacoast and it occurred to me that if my firm was defending her company, I may be able to see her again. I chuckled quietly as I realized I _wanted_ to see this girl again. Yes, I wanted to fuck her, but more than anything I wanted to talk to her as well. _Fuck, Edward, what the hell is going on with you?_

I was anxious to keep her talking now so I quickly responded, "I'm sure that's true-"

"And if he's so interested in the case, surely he wouldn't object to taking it on. It would boost his reputation as the foremost attorney in literary law, no?" She cut me off before I could even finish my sentence.

I paused and took a deep breath. I tried to focus on _what_ she had said, not the sound of her beautiful voice as she spoke or the way her perfect lips moved. "Well, yes, but-"

"Perhaps, you should suggest he take it on."

I wanted to laugh out loud. Scott Kingston and I may both have our names on the door, but I was in no way his equal. The man had thirty years of practice under his belt. He had taken to treating everyone, including me, like ignorant rookies and the bastard got away with it because, in reality, it was _his_ firm. He was a cold, calculating, arrogant, son-of-a-bitch and he reminded me far too much of-

I cut that thought off as bitterness filled me. Focusing on Izzy again, I licked my lips and tried to fight the anger that was brewing in me. I cocked an eyebrow at her, hoping to lighten the mood, but the woman was impossible to read.

"Well, Ms.-" _Last name. What the hell's her last name?_ I paused and waited for her to supply it but she refused to answer. _Christ, she's stubborn._ I turned to Darlene who promptly provided it.

"Swan."

"Ms. Swan, that all may very well be true, but there is, of course, the previously mentioned problem of the lawyers' fees. Scott-" She cut me off again before I could explain what an arrogant asshole Kingston was.

"If the case helps the firm, maybe Kingston would be willing to take it on a lower rate." The desperation in her eyes was evident and for a moment I felt for her. But a scene from the previous year came back to me and I gave a sick laugh as I remembered Scott Kingston's words to another attorney just before firing the poor girl.

"Attorney Kingston and the firm of Kingston, Cullen and Noyes do not take on _charity _cases. That's what Public Defenders are for, sweetie. Certainly, it could be debated if Seacoast wished to retain our firm. Of course, that would need to be a conversation between Scott Kingston's team and Seacoast Books' board of directors. Neither you, nor I, have the power to make that decision," I said bitterly.

A thought occurred to me. "Unless, of course, you _do_ have that power. Are you on the board of directors, Ms. Swan?" I looked up hopefully but my face fell as I saw the hurt in her eyes.

"No." her voice was nearly inaudible and I was overcome with regret when I discerned that she had taken Kingston's words as my own. _Edward, those _were_ your words…to Alice, just last week._

This realization stunned me for a moment and I desperately tried to recover what ground I could with this brown-eyed beauty. "Ah, alas, it is out of our hands. Would either of you like a drink? I'm afraid I've been a terrible host-"

"I have a meeting." My heart cried as she rose abruptly. "_We_ have a meeting. We should go." She glanced at her companion and I begged Darlene silently to insist they stay.

"Uh, okay." I felt that damn lump begin to rise in my throat again.

Dejected, I rose quickly and tried again. "Are you sure? One cup of cof-"

"We have to go." Her tone and her words cut through me like icicles. I did my best to swallow the lump that threatened to undo me and forced my emotions under control.

"Oh, okay. Well, Ms. Anderson, please thank your father for his kind invitation." I gave Darlene a weak smile and led the two of them to the door of my office. "It was a pleasure meeting both of you." I shook Darlene's hand briefly and nodded at whatever farewell she had offered before turning to Izzy.

"Ms. Swan." I took her gentle hand in my own and marveled at her warmth. The same electricity that had occurred between us before was making my heart race now. I never wanted to let go of that hand. I found her eyes and as I drowned in her sight, I felt my breathing accelerate.

"Mr. Cullen." My name sounded so perfect on her lips. The profound effect this woman was having on me, scared the ever-loving shit out of me and before I knew what I was doing, I had dropped her hand and ripped my eyes away from her in fear.

I watched her walk to elevator, all the while trying to work up the courage to call her back. As the elevator doors closed, I gave a soft cry and exhaled a breath I hadn't even known I was holding. I shook my head at my strange behavior and tried to get a grip on myself.

"Edward?" Carol's voice pulled me back to reality and I turned towards her. Her knowing look made me turn and head back into my office, lest she pepper me with questions. "Your 3 o'clock is here."

"Cancel it." I slammed my office door and dropped back into the leather chair. I stared at the place where, not 5 minutes prior, she had been sitting and buried my face in my hands. _Edward, what the fuck is wrong with you? You need to get a hold of yourself._

"She looked a bit like Bella, that's all. Not even that much like Bella. Hell, Bella was _eight_, when you knew her. They probably don't look a thing alike." I tried to talk myself back to sanity, but I had never experienced anything like that: the electricity at her touch and the way her eyes just sucked me in and refused to let go. It was completely unnerving and scared the fuck out of me. I hadn't felt so vulnerable since…

"Jesus, Edward, you're going crazy. What the hell is wrong with you?"

**I shall leave you with Byron.**

**In secret we met -  
In silence I grieve,  
That thy heart could forget,  
Thy spirit deceive.  
If I should meet thee  
After long years,  
How should I greet thee? -  
With silence and tears.  
**_** -Lord Byron "When We Two Parted"**_

**Feel free to review, even if you're mad at me for such a painful reunion.**


	7. Chapter 6

**Thanks for the patience, everyone! **

**Superthanks to my beta (and tatt twin) Bee. I flove you HARD, darling.**

**And of course, all Twilight characters are owned by Stephenie Meyer (producer extraordinaire of Breaking Dawn) No copyright infringement intended.**

**(FYI The term "before snow flies" means the "before the first snowfall of the season")**

**Okay, on to the chapter…**

**Chapter 6**

**B(I)POV**

"I'm sorry, Darlene." I placed a steaming hot coffee and a scone on her desk and gave her my best puppy dog eyes. I had managed to avoid her after the debacle at Noyes, Kingston and Cullen but we worked together so closely, I knew I couldn't elude her forever.

Darlene shot me a quick glance before going back to her typing. I sighed and turned to go. _I wonder if I'm still invited to the Christmas party._ I realized work _and_ the holidays would suck if I didn't fix things with Darlene and fast.

"Wait." Darlene gave an exasperated sigh and pushed her chair out from her desk. She stood up and stared at me, her arms crossed. I waited patiently for a scolding or an angry remark. I was willing to take whatever she dished out. The silence between us grew and I began to worry that there was no closing this rift.

"You're a moron, Izzy."

"I know."

"I can't believe-"

"I know."

"You could have really screwed things up for my father or my brother-"

"I know."

"But," she paused and shot me an evil grin, "You've got balls, honey. I cannot _believe_ you marched in there and demanded that he tell his boss to take the case! The look on his face…" She shook her head and laughed.

"So…we're okay?" She nodded and I matched her grin. "Do you think he'll still come to your holiday party?" I chuckled at the thought of Edward Cullen, Esquire at a party.

Darlene laughed. "I guess we'll see. He has a few weeks to recover."

"A few weeks? When's the party?" I started counting the weeks until Christmas in my head.

"Daddy is having it early this year. Apparently, he and his new girlfriend are spending the holidays in Barbados." Darlene rolled her eyes. "So the party is on the 12th."

"Which gives me what? About four weeks to find a dress? Crap." I was mentally rummaging through my closet and coming up short.

"We'll go to Boston on Saturday for some serious shopping. Don't you worry. I need to get new boots anyway, before snow flies." Darlene flashed me a smile and I tried to return it. I hated parties_ and_ shopping, especially dress shopping.

"Wait. Snow? What?" Darlene had dropped the dreaded "s" word and I immediately snapped back to attention.

"Yup. Next week. They're saying we're going to get 8-10 inches."

I groaned audibly. "But it's too early! That's not fair."

Darlene laughed and shook her head. "Like it or not, winter is coming, love. If you have anything that requires warm weather, I suggest you get it done before we're buried in an Arctic wasteland."

•••••••

Darlene's words came back to me on Thursday as I hung up with my mother. As always, Renee had regaled me with tales of the Florida sunshine. Though her detailed description of the waves and soft sand of the beaches had me longing for summer again, I had to roll my eyes at my mother's not so subtle attempt to get me to Florida. She had never understood my need to live in Maine. To be honest, I was not entirely sure I understood it either.

There was something about the Maine coast that had drawn me in and held me here, despite the snow. The craggy rocks littered with tide pools, the icy water that refused to get more than a few degrees above freezing even in the dead of August; I loved this state.

I loved to wade along the shore and sit and watch the water bugs skim across the pools. The beach had a way of making me feel safe and comforted. This was something I'd never found on the Florida sands or even in the green forests of Washington State where I'd grown up. For some reason, unbeknownst to me, the Maine beach felt like home.

The door banged open and I jumped as Darlene burst into my office. "Hey! I got us tickets on the 6:30 train to Boston on Saturday morning! Are you ready to shop?"

"6:30?" I made a face. Saturday was my day to sleep in.

"It'll get us to North Station just before nine. The stores will just be opening and we'll beat the crowd. It'll be perfect." She frowned at my skeptical face then wagged her finger at me. "6:30," she repeated before walking out and shutting the door behind her.

I groaned as the door closed. An early start _and_ a day of dress shopping? Saturday was going to suck. I was going to have to pamper myself on Sunday to make up for it. A day in my pajamas? Or, perhaps, a marathon of Jane Austen movies? _Or the beach…_ My earlier musings came back to me and I decided that, barring snow, on Sunday I would spend one last day at the beach before winter came. _Now, I just need to survive Saturday._

•••••••

"Well?" Darlene sat next to me, her arms crossed and a smug look on her face. I had no doubt she would have been tapping her foot expectantly if we had not already taken our seats.

"It…it wasn't that bad." That was the best I could give her. _I _did_ survive the whole shopping trip._

"Not that bad? You had fun. Just admit it, Izzy!" I laughed and shook my head. "And the dress! The dress, Izzy, is unbelievable. You're going to blow the boys out of the water."

I felt my cheeks flush as she continued to marvel about the deep blue vintage dress we had found. When she moved onto the shoes and handbag, I frowned at her. "You shouldn't have bought those, Darlene. I have shoes _and_ a purse. I didn't need them."

"Nonsense." She dismissed my arguments with a wave of her hand. "Think of it as a late birthday present."

"You already gave me a birthday present, which was also too much, now that I think of it." I had no idea how much the Coach bag was, but it was clearly far outside my price range.

"Okaaay, an early Christmas present then."

"I'll pay you back."

"Don't worry about it."

"I will pay you back." I gave her a stern look, daring her to continue arguing.

"Fine." She glared back at me, amused. "Suit yourself. I'm going to take a nap."

She settled herself against the window of the train and it didn't take long before she fell asleep. For awhile, I watched the houses and trees rush by. When this grew dull, I turned my attention to my fellow passengers on the Downeaster. The couple across from Darlene and I appeared to be mid-argument.

Nosy as it was, I couldn't help but overhear. "I just don't understand why he _had_ to work," the young woman was saying. "He has people and assistants, a whole team at his beck and call. Why is he always running to the office?"

"I doubt very much that if something important needs doing, he would trust anyone else do to it. At least, not without direct supervision anyway."

The man's arm lay on the arm rest between them and the woman sighed and interlaced her fingers with his. I felt a pang as, suddenly, I desperately wanted a hand to hold. My thoughts returned to Edward Cullen and I found myself wondering what it would feel like to weave my fingers into his.

"Sometimes I wonder if he's not so much running _to_ the office as _away_ from me." Her voice had dropped to a whisper and I immediately turned away as a surge of guilt at eavesdropping passed over me.

The man sighed and, in a slow southern drawl, quietly said, "Your brother has a lot to work out. The office is his…his safe place. His outside life has gotten quite chaotic lately, between your father and now the two of us are here inserting ourselves into his life. Being at work calms him. He feels in control there."

"Do you think we shouldn't have come? That he doesn't want us here?"

"No. I think he needs you here, darling, more than you or he knows. It's just unfamiliar not unwanted."

She looked up at him and smiled. "You're very good at reading people." He shrugged and gave her a peck on the forehead. She grabbed his chin and pulled his lips to hers. As their kiss deepened, I awkwardly reached down for a shopping bag, anxious for a distraction. I, in all my grace, promptly knocked over all the bags, scattering my new things across the floor between the couple and me.

"Oh shit." I quickly bent down, trying to shove the stuff back into the bags as quickly as possible. I felt my cheeks grow red as I cursed myself silently. _Well done, Izzy. You're such a damn klutz._ The couple reached down to help and I smiled apologetically. "Sorry."

"Not a problem." The man's southern accent was smooth as velvet and my blush deepened.

"Oooh! Are these Jimmy Choo's?" The woman had found the outrageously priced shoes that Darlene had purchased for me without my knowledge.

"Um, yeah, I guess." I shrugged sheepishly. I motioned to Darlene. "She said they would match my dress perfectly."

"Wow. I need to see this dress!"

"Alice! You can't demand to see a complete stranger's purchases." The guy frowned. His honey curls caught in the sun coming in through the train window as he shook his head in exasperation.

"Jasper, it's important." She gave him a stern look but he just chuckled and gave me a sheepish smile. "I'm Alice." She held out her hand.

I smiled in spite of myself and shook it. "Izzy," I said, pulling the dress box up onto my lap. As I opened it to show Alice the dress, she gasped.

"Oh, sweetie, you are going to make someone a very lucky man."

I laughed. "Uh, no, not really." I blushed again as she lifted the dress out of the box and held it up.

"Woman?"

"What? No, no I'm just, I'm going to this holiday party. Stag, as usual."

"Stag, huh? Well, you won't be going _home_ alone. I can tell you that, sister."

"Alice!" Jasper shook his head at her snark and I burst into laughter.

"Um, yeah. We'll see." I continued to chuckle.

She eyed me suspiciously. "So there's someone you'd like to take home?"

"No, I didn't-I just…" I trailed off and bit my lip as she shot me a knowing look. "Maybe."

"Maybe? Okay, so say there _may_ be this guy and you _may_ like him. Does he maybe like you back?"

"Alice, that's a pretty personal question." Jasper frowned at her.

"Oh fine. Don't tell me his name. There, now it's anonymous, right?" She shot Jasper a sweet smile and then turned her attention back to me.

I opened my mouth and closed it. I could not believe I was about to discuss my sad little crush on Edward Cullen with a complete stranger. But this woman seemed easier to talk to, easier than Darlene and she was the closest thing I had to a best friend. I glanced at Darlene to make sure she was still asleep then thought, _What the hell?_ "Actually, he probably doesn't even know my name." I sighed.

"Oh, that'll change." Alice smiled. "When he gets one look at you, my dear, he will not only remember your name, he'll forget everyone else's. Guys love a girl in a vintage gown and a gorgeous pair of Choo's. Am I right, Jasper?"

Jasper gave a non-committal grunt but his eyes had that glazed-over look that most men adopted when they knew the conversation was steered towards footwear and clothing. Alice glanced at him and then rolled her eyes. I laughed.

"All right, Izzy. The dress and shoes are perfect. Now, how are you wearing your hair?" Alice drilled me on the details of the party and my plans. She lectured me on everything from the pros and cons of an up-do versus wearing my hair down, to exactly how fashionably late one should be, to how long I should wait before approaching my future husband as she now insisted on calling him. "You'll have him around your finger in no time, Izzy, and then soon enough you'll be wrapped around his-" Jasper cleared his throat loudly and shot Alice a stern look. She laughed and winked at me as I turned bright red. "Trust me. I can tell about these sorts of things and, honey, your future looks good."

Alice and I talked of little else for the remainder of the train ride. Darlene slept the entire way while Jasper split his time between gazing out the window and listening to our banter with amusement dancing across his face. As we pulled into the station at Old Orchard Beach, the last stop before Portland, I was reminded of my plans to go for a long walk on the beach. I hadn't heard what the weather was supposed to be like on Sunday, but I resolved to at least hope for a decent day.

A few passengers departed and as the train began to pull out of the station, Alice found her way back to the subject of Edward. "So what's he like? Why doesn't he know your name? Tell me about this man."

"Um, well, he kind of comes off as an asshole," I admitted.

"Oh, a bad boy, huh?" Alice looked thoughtful as she gave me the once-over. "I wouldn't have pegged you as the bad boy type."

"I'm not. I just…I don't know. I just can't get this guy off my mind. It's stupid, really." I shook my head.

"Aw, you're enamored, aren't you? I can see it in your eyes. You're smitten with him." Alice smiled. "So what does he do? Where did you meet him?"

"Uh-" Darlene stirred beside me and I immediately clamped my mouth shut. Alice looked at me surprised and then glanced at Darlene.

"Does she know?" she mouthed to me and I shook my head. She nodded then quickly mimed sealing her lips and throwing out the key. I smiled gratefully at her and realized we had become friends in the short train ride. She returned the smile as Darlene awoke.

"Hey, sleepyhead. We're here. You slept nearly the entire ride."

She groaned. "Seriously?"

"Seriously." She sat up and stretched. Alice gave her a smile and I quickly introduced Darlene to Alice and Jasper. "We've been discussing my outfit for the party."

This quickly launched a conversation between Alice and Darlene regarding Jimmy Choo's fall line. Jasper and I stood by silently and had to direct the two of them off of the train as their discussion continued.

I rolled my eyes at Jasper as the four of us made our way through the lobby. Finally, Jasper interrupted the two of them. "Alice, we have a show in a few hours. Your brother will be waiting outside."

"Oh, all right." She sighed. "Izzy, Darlene, it's been lovely. I'll be in Portland for a while. We should hang out."

"Definitely," I agreed. We exchanged numbers and I picked up my shopping bags, ready to follow Alice and Jasper outside. There was a line of cabs waiting outside and I wanted to grab one before they were taken. I was now regretting the decision to leave my truck back at the apartment. A cab had seemed like a good idea when I had awoken bleary-eyed at 5:00 AM this morning, but now I was eager to be home.

"Hold on, Izzy." Darlene motioned to the restrooms by the exit. "I'm going to hit the ladies room. Do you want to wait and we'll split a cab?"

"Sure." I set my bags back down and waved to Alice and Jasper as they headed out. I watched them get into a fancy sports car and couldn't help but laugh at the ostentatious bright yellow color. I shook my head as it drove away. When Darlene returned, we grabbed our bags and headed out into the cool evening air.

•••••••

Sunday, I awoke fairly early and was pleased to see Mother Nature had heard my prayers. Though it was far from what one could consider warm, the sun was shining and I was anxious to get myself to the beach. I decided to head for Cape Elizabeth and walk Crescent Beach so I bundled up. The wind off the water could be chilly, even in the summer, and with winter only a few weeks away, it would be downright cold.

I stuffed an extra blanket and my well-worn copy of _Pride and Prejudice _into my backpack, in case the weather held out and gave me time to read as well. Throwing the pack on, I headed for my truck. I walked up the block to where I had parked my poor, under-used pick-up. I walked most places in Portland, but some days the snow was too deep. So I had found an old rusty brick red Chevy that held its own in the snow drifts. I adored it and every once in a while, it came in quite handy. _Like today. _I smiled to myself as I hopped in.

It took a few tries to get the old engine to turn over and I silently reminded myself to get a tune-up before winter set in. I headed for Casco Bay Bridge and then across to Cape, smiling the whole way.

Crescent was nearly deserted. There were 3 or 4 cars and a black motorcycle in the parking lot and as I pulled up next to one of the closed bathhouses, I was excited to have the beach almost to myself. I zipped my jacket up, threw my bag on and headed for the beach.

The tide was coming in so the beach had shrunk to nearly half its size. I could see a couple walking their dog a little ways south of me. I preferred solitude so I turned and walked north along the shore.

_All right, Izzy, what are you going to do?_ The beach always provided me with the perfect place to think and work out all the crap in my head. Lately, my head had been filled with nothing but Edward Cullen. I could not figure out this strange connection I felt with him.

I had limited experience with men. I had dated some in high school but my only serious relationship had been Jake in college. He had been sweet and kind. Our relationship had been one of convenience and comfort but never anything more, at least for me. I had always felt that there was something missing. _Love should be earth-shattering and soul-wrenching._ As graduation had grown closer, I had feared what most girls would wish for and I announced my plans to come to Maine before he could tie me down with a ring.

Jacob had offered to come, to leave his father behind on La Push Reservation and follow me across the country. Unable to explain myself, I had finally told him I didn't love him anymore.

It had been ten years since I'd broken Jake's heart, left him standing in the cold Seattle rain, and I did not have much to show for it. The most substantial relationship I had been in since had lasted no longer than three months and again, it had not had that spark, the chemistry that love supposedly held.

I had begun to wonder if love, _true_ love, the kind of epic love that riddled the pages of Austen and Bronte, Shakespeare and Byron, was all a ruse. Perhaps my books had ruined me and I had thrown away my one chance. Now I was destined to be alone. These fears had haunted me as I finished grad school and worked my way up through the ranks at Seacoast.

Edward Cullen's photograph had intrigued me, excited me. He was by far the most beautiful man I'd ever seen and my body could not help but react to him. I had never reacted so strongly before, but even still, who wouldn't be attracted to Edward?

Bu then we'd met and it was the warmth of his hand on my arm as he had steadied me, the way my nerves caught fire at his touch; these things had taken my breath away. The moment I had looked into those eyes I was lost, drowning in the emerald sea that lingered behind his long dark lashes. The world, everything that had ever mattered to me, had lost its meaning in that moment. My lungs had ached for air but I had no desire for oxygen. My chest ached again now at the mere memory.

Caught in his gaze, I had been vulnerable, defenseless and yet, unafraid. I had never fully given myself to anyone and standing there, in front of Edward, I had been ready to share every fear, every doubt. I wanted him to know of every flaw, to show him every scar I had borne in my young life. Like the stormy sea that licked at my feet as I walked the beach, Edward's eyes had felt safe and comforting.

_So, now what?_ I had reached the rocky section of the beach and I climbed up and took a seat beside a tiny pool. I sighed and pulled my knees up under my chin. Edward Cullen was arrogant and rude. He was a condescending prick…but I couldn't believe there was not _more_ to him.

I had seen pain, fear, need, even wonder in his face. His eyes had given him away. There were many more layers to Edward and, now, I desperately wanted to see them. _So that's it, then, Bella?_ I laughed out loud as for the second time in as many weeks, my childhood nickname slipped into my thoughts. I shook my head in amusement then stood up, my mind made up. I needed to know if Edward had felt anything that day. I couldn't ignore what had occurred between us.

As I made my way off the rocks, I felt lighthearted. I hated weighing my options and making choices. Once the decision was made, however, the hard part was over and now I would just live with the consequences, whatever they may be.

I jumped off the last ledge and giggled as I landed on a pile of dried up seaweed. It crackled beneath my feet and I reached down and snagged a frond as I headed back up the beach. I began bursting the little pods and laughed out loud as one squirted me with seawater. I was immediately overcome by an image of a bronze haired boy smiling in the sun, but it was gone before I could grasp hold of it. _What was that? _I paused and sought the vision again but it had buried itself back into the recesses of my mind. Was it a faded memory, perhaps? Or a photograph I had seen once? I had no idea.

I shrugged and threw the seaweed away continuing along the sand back towards my truck. There were no sounds now, save for the gentle lapping of the waves and the occasional cry of a lone gull. The smell of salt filled my nose and permeated every sense. I smiled and inhaled it deeply as I walked. I wanted to consume every bit of summer I could before the long winter set in.

The sound of car keys jingling broke the peaceful façade of the beach and I groaned. It was probably some damn tourist out long past their season. I shifted my gaze from the sea to the beach in front of me and felt my knees go weak as the beautiful bronze haired, green eyed god continued to jog towards me.

"Why, hello, Ms. Swan." Edward Cullen stood before me, panting and dripping with sweat. He had, despite the temperature, removed his tee-shirt and was jogging in nothing but a pair of loose-fitting wind pants. The afternoon sun glistened of his perfectly formed pecs. My eyes traced along his abdominal muscles and, for a brief second, I could easily picture myself running my tongue down that trail… _Izzy! Speak!_

"Uh, it's cold."

"What?" He furrowed his brow and looked at me.

"Cold. Aren't you cold?" I gestured to his perfect body and felt the fire alight in my cheeks.

"The running keeps me warm," he said as he shrugged. "What are you doing here, Ms. Swan?"

"Walk. I mean, I was just taking a walk." I waved my arm back to the area of the beach from whence I'd come while cursing myself silently. _Jesus, Izzy! You can't even speak in his presence!_

"Lovely day for a walk." I mumbled an agreement but turned my face to catch a glimpse of the sea. I didn't dare look at his body again because I was sure I would not be able to tear myself away. I could feel his eyes searching, seeking out mine. It did not take long for my need to drown in those emeralds eyes to overwhelm whatever fears I had. Just as I turned my head to surrender myself to his gaze, his eyes fell to the ground.

"Shall I walk you back to your car, Ms. Swan?" He turned back towards the end of the beach where he had come from and gave me a tentative smile. I answered his smile with a shrug and started trekking through the sand.

Edward followed along patiently, despite my shorter strides, and we had a brief conversation about the weather and the forthcoming snow. There was a long silence when that topic had died and I briefly wondered if I had made the wrong decision. I couldn't even hold a conversation with this guy.

I sighed to myself and pulled my backpack off. I rummaged through the front pocket, foolishly trying to find my keys as we walked. My clumsiness got the best of me and my toe caught on an uneven plank in the boardwalk. My book and keys tumbled out of my bag but, once again, Edward caught me in his arms.

His grip was firm on my arms and every nerve in my body exploded at his simple touch. I had fallen forward and my chin was nearly resting against his bare chest. I could feel the heat still radiating off his body and warming my chilly skin. The musky smell of his body had me moist in seconds and I could barely stop myself from inhaling deeply. My eyes refused to listen to my brain and quickly sought and found his face.

He was looking down at me, concerned. I inhaled sharply as his green eyes consumed me and I buried myself in them, anxious to see more of Edward Cullen. His heartbeat was faint but I was sure it had sped up as our eyes met. I wanted to rest my head against his chest and listen to it. I wanted to run my fingers through his hair and-

"You dropped your book." He broke away from me and quickly bent to pick up my bag and its contents, avoiding my gaze as he did. "Is it a Merriman novel?"

"What?" I looked at him, confused. He laughed and held up the book before returning it to my backpack. _Why won't he look at me?_

"I was just wondering if you were reading a Justin Merriman novel." He chuckled and handed my backpack to me.

"Merriman writes trash," I snapped, grabbing the bag from him and striding towards my truck. "And the fucker is costing me my job. I wouldn't touch his shit with a ten foot pole."

"Careful, now. Technically, your employer still represents Justin Merriman and it's not your place to be trashing one of their writers." Edward had followed me to my truck and was looking down at me with another smug, condescending look painted across his face. I watched him give my faithful old Chevy a once-over and I nearly lost my temper.

"Oh, so now you're going to tell me my place?" I put my hands on my hips and glared at him. I was pleased to see his expression falter.

"No. Not at all. I just, I…" I watched him struggle for words as he tried to explain himself and smiled to myself. _Apparently the smooth-talkin' lawyer can't hold a conversation either. Well this should be interesting. _

"Look, I have to go," I interrupted him. As I unlocked my truck and threw my bag in, I heard him let out a frustrated sigh. _What's that about?_ I turned back to him but couldn't think of anything to say.

"How's Darlene?" His question caught me by surprise and I paused as I made to get into my truck.

"What?"

"Darlene Anderson. Your friend. My client's sister. How is she?"

"Uh, fine. She's looking forward to the Christmas party." That was a lie but it was the only thing I could come up with.

"Really?" Edward seemed eager to continue our conversation.

"Um, yeah. Are you going?"

"Are you?"

"Yes."

"Well if you're there, then I'll go." My lungs stopped working while my brain tried to register his words. "Goodbye, Ms. Swan." He opened his mouth to say something more but changed his mind, turned and walked away.

I pulled the truck door shut and watched Edward walk across the parking lot to the black motorcycle. He slipped on a grey hoodie and a sleek black helmet before straddling the bike and starting it up. As he drove slowly out of the parking lot, I spun around in my seat to watch him until he faded into the distance.

When he was out of sight, my lungs decided oxygen _was_ a necessity after all and I immediately began gasping for air. I had to take deep breaths and allow my heart beat to slow before I dared start up the truck and head home. Edward's behavior had left me exasperated and confused. I needed to vent to someone and I knew Darlene would only be amused by my crush. I needed someone who would take me seriously and actually give good advice. An idea popped into my head and I immediately was relieved that my mother was _not_ my only backup. Tonight, I would be calling Alice.

**FYI Edward's motorcycle is posted on my profile page. A shout-out to Em (landdownunder) and Steph (SML6446) for their help with the Ducati. Go check it out **

**Review…pretty please? **


	8. Chapter 7

**First and foremost, much love to my beta, IrishTwiFicster. If you're not reading her fics, you don't know what you're missing. **_**The Write Stuff**_** is brilliant! I lost my FanFic virginity to Write-ward and he totally owns me. Wine-ward is another one to die for. Check out **_**The Wine Tasting**_** as well. Stay tuned for more recs after the chapter.**

**No playlist this week but my iPod is in full gear for the next chapter. That being said, enjoy!**

**EPOV**

I drove around for hours after leaving the beach. I couldn't bring myself to go home and face Alice. I knew every emotion that was racing through me would be evident on my face but as the afternoon wore on, I also knew I couldn't avoid home forever. By late afternoon, I had no choice_. _I was still sweaty from the run, and, frankly, I was hungry.

I pulled into the garage and parked my bike next to the Diablo before removing my helmet. I sighed heavily and swore. "Jesus, Edward. You need to get your shit together." I couldn't even hold a conversation with the girl without coming off like a complete and total ass. _You _are _a complete and total ass, _my conscience reminded me. Merriman. I had to bring up Merriman. If I'd just kept my fucking mouth shut…

But, she _was_ going to the party. I couldn't help but grin in delight as I thought of Izzy dressed to the nines. God, the girl was stunning as it was. I felt my groin tighten in response to thoughts of Izzy in a gown and heels and was immediately thankful I had wind pants on.

Having Alice and Jasper stay with me had put a damper on my nocturnal activities. Especially since, good host that I was, I was sleeping on the couch. I wasn't in college anymore and women no longer appreciated being brought home to a futon so, frankly, it had been awhile.

I could hear someone moving around upstairs and I knew if I didn't go in soon, Alice would likely come down looking for me. I sighed again and dismounted the Ducati. I set my helmet on the seat of the bike before heading for the stairs.

I tried to take stock of my emotional state as I climbed the stairs slowly. Another disastrous encounter with Izzy had left me drained. I couldn't figure out why I couldn't even talk to her and, more importantly, why it mattered to me so much.

"Edward?" Alice's voice called to me from the kitchen and I quickly tried to void my face of emotion. Alice would know something wasn't right. She had an uncanny knack for reading me that was incredibly annoying. Even worse, Jasper now seemed to be able to key into my moods as well. Thankfully, he never tried to _talk_ to me about them. He just recognized when I needed space and gave it to me, usually dragging an unwilling Alice with him. He had made living with Alice a little more bearable than I thought possible.

"Edward? Is that you?" Alice appeared around the corner and I gave her a sad attempt at a smile. "What's the matter?" I swore internally and feigned confusion.

"Yes, it's me and nothing is the matter. I'm fine." She stared intently at me. "What?"

"You look…tired."

"Alice, I went for a run. Exercise is tiring." She paused and then nodded, her eyes still studying me. "I'm going to take a shower." I managed to catch myself before I snapped "Is that okay?" at her.

"I made a pasta salad. It's in the kitchen if you'd like some. It's quite good." I really wanted to just jump in the shower and wash off the day. Not to mention, the pressure in my pants was starting to become noticeable. The last thing I needed was a hard-on in front of my sister, but I could not get Izzy off my mind. If I didn't get laid soon, I was going to combust.

As I turned back to Alice to decline her offer though, my stomach growled and I had to admit I _was_ hungry. "It's in the fridge on the bottom shelf," Alice said and I mumbled my thanks before heading for the kitchen.

Alice followed me and, though I did my best to ignore her, her eyes bore into the back of my neck. "Edward," she began and I sighed audibly. "Please, I just-"

"Alice!" Jasper's voice filtering down from the top floor saved me from further interrogation by Alice. She gave a frustrated sigh and headed for the stairwell.

"What is it, Jazz?"

"Phone call." Alice headed up the stairs and I relished the opportunity to eat my pasta salad in peace. I was barely halfway done, however, when Alice wandered back into the kitchen, a cell phone at her ear.

"Hi, sweetie! How are you? You got home all right?" I hurried through the rest of my salad while Alice chatted with one of her friends about boy troubles. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes as Alice gave the girl advice on her man. I quietly put my bowl in the sink and tried to make it to the stairs before Alice realized I was gone.

"Hey!" I froze with my foot on the bottom stair and then turned unwillingly back to her. "You and I are going to talk later."

"Al-"

"No excuses." She cut me off and gave me a stern look reminiscent of my father that made me cringe. I gave an exasperated sigh and turned back to the stairs.

"Oh, my brother. I don't know what's going on with him. Why are boys so emotionally stunted?" was the last thing I heard as I stomped up the stairs. It was a childish reaction, but I was nearing my breaking point.

I ripped open my dresser and chose a black pair of jeans and a tee-shirt at random. I grabbed a fresh pair of boxer-briefs as well before slamming the drawers shut. I took off my watch and threw it on top of the dresser and then kicked off my shoes and threw them in the closet. The resounding thud as they hit the back wall was satisfying and I smiled to myself. I then noticed Jasper sitting at my piano watching me.

"Sorry," I muttered.

"It's okay. I imagine it's a bit of a pain in the ass having us here." Jasper gave me an understanding smile and guilt immediately washed over me.

"No. No, it's great, really."

He laughed. "It's okay, Edward. I understand. I do. It's quite a change for you."

I opened my mouth to argue but finally just shrugged. "I haven't lived with Alice in nearly fifteen years. I'd forgotten how…intuitive she is," I admitted.

Jasper chuckled. "Nosy, you mean? And that she is." He fell silent for a moment and then looked up at me. "_Are_ you okay, Edward?"

There was something about Jasper, about his calm and comforting presence that nearly made me tell him everything but in the end I merely nodded. I turned towards the bathroom but quickly turned back. There _was_ something bugging me. I had wanted to ask Izzy today, but I had fucked everything up and missed my chance. Alice would, no doubt, read too far into such a simple question and I would never hear the end of it. Jasper, on the other hand, would know there was more to it but would keep his questions to himself.

"Hey, Jasper?" He looked up from the piano and I continued. "What do you think Izzy is a nickname for?"

He looked surprised by my question. "Um, well, I had a friend in grade school that went by Izzy because she thought Liz was overused. I imagine Izzy's Christian name is Elizabeth."

"Elizabeth." It didn't roll off my tongue like Bella, but it was pretty. I nodded and headed for the shower, ignoring the perplexed look on Jasper's face. As I undressed in the bathroom, it occurred to me there was something strange about Jasper's answer, but I couldn't figure out what. Ignoring the thought, I climbed into the hot shower.

An hour later, I meandered down to the living room and found Jasper watching T.V. "Where's Alice?" I asked tentatively. I couldn't hear her anywhere.

"She went out for coffee." Jasper grinned as I breathed a sigh of relief and dropped onto the couch next to him.

"So, what are you up to?"

Jasper shrugged. "Nothing much. Is there a game on?"

I shook my head. "No. ESPN goes downhill after the World Series is finished." I eyed him warily. "Just out of curiosity, who do you root for?"

"I grew up as a Rangers fan, but Alice and your father have christened me as a Mets fan."

I laughed and nodded. "The Mets are our home team, but living up here, it's hard to escape Red Sox fever. I got sucked in unwillingly and now, I'm afraid I would not allow my sister to date a Yankees fan."

Jasper burst into laughter and held up his hand. "I solemnly swear that I am not a Yankees fan."

"Excellent. Well, now that we've settled that, what do you want to do? I don't think I even have any beer in the house."

"Shall we go out for a beer?"

"Sounds like a plan. Let me grab some shoes and we'll head for Gritty's."

**I(B)POV**

I parked in a lot a few blocks from the café and shut off my truck. I reached across the seat to grab my purse and winced as I pulled on the area of my back that Eric had worked this afternoon. I climbed out of the cab, still sore, and headed to meet Alice.

I had come home from my second meeting with Edward, both angry and confused. Darlene had called the second I had walked into my apartment and I had tripped over my shopping bags from Boston, nearly killing myself as I tried to get to the phone.

As such, when I had answered the phone with a breathless and bitchy, "What?" I could almost hear Darlene recoil on the other end. I had refused to explain my mood and Darlene had been keen enough not to ask a second time.

After she had realized that I would not be a good conversationalist, Darlene gave me a piece of advice. "Honey, you should go see Eric."

"It's Sunday, Darlene, and frankly, it's not a good idea to be wasting money right now."

"Sweetie, it makes you feel better and you still have that gift certificate from Angela, right?" Fate had introduced Darlene to my college roommate and old friend Angela and since then, the two of them chatted at least once every few weeks. Darlene had helped Angela arrange a birthday present in the form of a gift certificate to see Eric. It had made my day.

"Izzy!" Alice's voice caught my attention and took my mind off my sore back. I made my way across the café to where she sat on one of the leather couches. "Hi, hon!" She rose and gave me a hug. I was a little surprised by the gesture; we barely knew each other, after all, but it was nice.

"Hi. Sorry I'm late. I couldn't find any on-street parking so I ended up in a lot a few blocks up."

"No worries." Alice gave me a smile and waved at the waiter. We both ordered drinks and decided to split a scone. While we waited for our drinks, Alice turned to me and said, "All right, Izzy, spill."

I sighed. "I'm not really sure where to start, actually."

"Well, you said that you saw him this morning. How did that go?" I scowled and she nodded. "That well, huh?"

"I just…I don't know why I can't even talk around him. I've never had a guy affect me this way. If that's not bad enough, half the things out of his mouth piss me off. It's like he's trying to rile me up."

"So why bother?"

I gaped at Alice. "So you think I should just give up?" I could hear the sadness in my own voice.

"If it's that frustrating, why are you trying so hard?"

"Well…I…so I should just quit while I'm ahead?"

"No, no. You misunderstand where I'm coming from. Izzy. I'm not telling you to give up, but if this is going to be a long hard road, which love often can be, then you need to be aware of why you're getting into it. Do you know what I mean?" I nodded. "So what I'm asking you, hon, is: what is it about this guy that makes this worth it?"

I leaned back against the sofa and bit my lip. What _was_ it about Edward that drew me in? Granted, the guy was hot; that was undeniable, but there was more to him. Luckily, the waiter showed up with our coffees and scone and the interruption gave me time to find the words.

Alice gave the waiter a brief smile as he left and then turned to me. "Well?"

"Well." I paused. "Okay, see, this guy is a prick. He really is. He's a womanizer and, from what I hear, a manwhore and he's just all around bad news. I've never been attracted to anyone like him, ever."

"Okay, so what makes Pricky worth it?"

I almost snorted coffee through my nose. "Pricky?"

Alice chuckled. "Why not? The guy's a prick, right?" I nodded and we both shared a laugh. "Now tell me what exactly it is about Pricky that attracts you."

"He's hot," I admitted. "I mean, that's definitely what first attracted me, but when I met him..." I sat up and leaned in. "Alice, there was this reaction." She snorted and I smacked her playfully. "Not like that! Well, not _just_ like that."

She grinned at me but relented. "What kind of reaction?"

"I couldn't breathe. It's like everything around me fell away and he and I were the only two people left in the world. I looked into his eyes and, and…"

"And?" Alice leaned in and stared at me intently.

"And I swear I could see his soul." I exhaled and leaned back against the couch. "God, that sounds ridiculous. I have such an overactive imagination."

Alice smiled softly. "It can't be helped, love. We were raised on castles and princesses. Blame it on our parents and Walt Disney." I laughed and shook my head.

"But in all seriousness, Alice, I don't even know how to describe that meeting."

"What did you see?" I looked up blankly. "You said that you could see his soul. What did you see?"

I pictured the stormy green eyes that had swept me off my feet and bit my lip again. "Pain." My voice was almost a whisper. "It was like he was desperately crying out for me to love him, to heal him, to- I don't even know. There was this moment, and it happened again this morning, where his façade breaks down and I can see there's some other part of him that's trying to break through." I dropped my head into my hands and gave an exasperated sigh. "It's ridiculous. I don't even know what I'm talking about. I'm crazy."

"You're not crazy, Izzy, and _I_ know what you're talking about." Alice settled herself into the couch. She seemed to be debating something. "Izzy, when we met yesterday I knew we were going to be friends almost instantly. I just, I had this feeling that we were kindred spirits or sisters from a past life or something. Does that sound crazy?"

"No, I know what you mean. I was instantly comfortable talking to you. It usually takes me forever to warm up to someone. I'm a really private person."

"See? So, sometimes two people just have this connection. I'd never really felt it before…at least, not before I met Jasper. I have had a few…okay, maybe more than a few relationships in my life. Some of them have been good. One of them…" She looked up at me and finally nodded.

"Oh, what the fuck. I think this will help you understand my feelings for Jasper, so here goes." She sighed deeply. "I met this guy at an art gallery I was working for. He was cute and smart and the full package, you know? We dated for a few months and I thought 'This is it. I've found the one!' I was ecstatic. I've been planning my wedding since I was 8." I chuckled at this admission and Alice gave me a smile before continuing. "I'm one of those girls who was in love with the idea of love, with marriage and weddings and so on. Most guys ran at the first sign of commitment, but Felix stayed.

"After four months, we moved in together. It was great. The relationship wasn't perfect but it worked. I think back on it now and I'm not even sure I ever truly loved him. Maybe a bit at the beginning. I think I was more in love with the idea of that perfect coupling." Her mind wandered back to the past and I gave her a moment to reminisce.

"What happened?" I saw darkness flash through her eyes and her expression grew cold.

"He came home one night and we fought about something. I don't even remember what. He started screaming and raging. He was…scary. That was the first night he hit me." Alice's gaze fell to the floor. "He cried afterwards. He said he was sorry. He blamed the stress at work and swore he would never do it again and so on and so on. I believed him-" Alice broke off and I could see the tears brimming in her eyes.

"Alice." I reached for her and we hugged. I handed her a napkin as we broke apart and she dabbed her eyes.

"I felt like such an ass." She laughed. "Like it was my fault. _I _was the one who couldn't maintain a real relationship. Every other relationship I had been in up to that point had always ended with me scaring the boys off. Now, I had a guy who wasn't afraid to commit but..."

"How long did you stay?" My voice was barely audible in the noisy coffee shop as the late evening crowd bustled about.

Alice gave a bitter smile. "Two months. The first few times he would cry and apologize, buy me flowers afterwards. After that, he didn't even try anymore. We got in a really bad fight one night and he pushed me and broke my ankle." Alice's eyes fell on the back of the couch and she ran her finger along the seam avoiding my gaze. "I couldn't walk to the train to get to a hospital. I had to call my father. Sometimes I'm thankful for that night. If Daddy hadn't stepped in…Christ, Felix might have killed me before I left."

We sat there in silence as the heaviness of the conversation settled around us. Alice's beautiful blue eyes still had tears caught in them as her pale fingers continue to pick at the couch. I reached over and took her hand and she finally raised her head to meet my gaze. "Tell me about Jasper." I squeezed her hand and she smiled.

"Jasper." She sighed and I watched the light come back into her eyes. "I met Jasper in a coffee shop where I was a waitress. I had quit the art gallery; there were too many bad memories of Felix in that place. I had taken a job at this little diner in Brooklyn. It was a crap job and paid terribly but it was work and it was closer to my father's house in Queens than the jobs I had looked at in Manhattan. I had moved back in with my father at this point. He thought it safer and it was the only way to convince Daddy to not tell my older brother about Felix. God knows what _he_ would have done… He's the typical overprotective big brother type." Alice rolled her eyes and I laughed.

"Anyway, Jasper came in every Saturday morning for breakfast. Our cook was born and raised in Oklahoma and Jazz said the cooking reminded him of home. He would sit at the counter and I would chat with him in between customers. I remember the first time he touched me." Alice flushed at the memory and I heard her breathing accelerate.

"It was a crazy morning. We had been busier than usual and it was only me and one other girl. I was running around like a chicken with its head cut off and I had forgotten Jasper's grits. He, being the perfect Southern gentleman, did not say a word. When I saw them still sitting in the window, cold and slimy, I felt like an idiot. I had really started to like this guy and now I'd ruined his breakfast. I mean, he had the same damn thing every Saturday. How could I forget?" She looked up at me and laughed. "Stupid, I know, but my self esteem was not at its best." I squeezed her hand and she smiled at me.

"I started apologizing profusely. I think I may have been near tears. I finished refilling his coffee and went to go back and make him some new grits myself because the cook was so busy." Alice looked up and her eyes met mine. "I remember, he reached out and grabbed my wrist. He was gentle, but it still frightened me a little. It reminded me of Felix and… Well, I looked up at him in shock, and found his beautiful dark blue eyes."

I saw the smile playing on her lips as she was overwhelmed by memories. "God, Izzy, I swear I stopped breathing for ages. His eyes, his face, everything about him made me feel…I just, I felt safe. Jasper is such a calming presence. It's like when I'm with him, I'm home. Do you know what I mean?" I nodded. "And his touch! It was like every nerve in my arm was on fire. My entire body reacted to the simplest touch. I couldn't fucking believe it." She laughed.

"Jasper started showing up on Sunday mornings as well and then periodically throughout the week." Alice laughed. "I found out later he lived clear across town in Jackson Heights and he _hated_ the hash. He just showed up every Saturday so he could talk to me." She smiled to herself. "I don't know where I'd be without him. He's…he's everything. "

Alice and I sighed simultaneously and then both burst into laughter. "Oh, Alice! You deserve some happiness, hon." I squeezed her hand.

"So do _you_, Izzy. The point of all my silly rambling is that when something like that happens, Izzy, you can't ignore it. Like I said, I've been in a lot of relationships and I've never felt anything like what I felt for Jasper. I was scared, terrified really, to be in another relationship. Felix left scars on me that went much deeper than the bruises. I couldn't imagine _anyone_ wanting me, much less this perfect Marine with a panty-melting accent. But, scared or not, I took a shot, and it changed my life."

"Izzy." Alice leaned into me and took my hands. "Izzy, if you honestly believe there's something there, that there is more to this guy, honey, you should go for it. Don't base your opinion on outward appearances. Felix was the _perfect_ catch. Everyone thought I was the luckiest girl in the world. Sometimes you have to dig a little before you find the man underneath. Don't give up on this guy. If you think there's more to Pricky, I have no doubt you'll find more layers."

I nodded. "Now I just have to figure out how to talk to him."

"Hmm, your best bet, Izzy, would be to-" Alice's cell phone interrupted her. "Sorry, it's Jasper. One sec, love."

She rose and walked a few feet away and I finished my scone while she talked to her panty-melting Marine. "Well, how much did he drink? Jesus, it's a wonder he can still stand. No, no, I can meet you. Hold on a sec. Izzy?" I turned towards her. "Do you know how far it is to Gritty's?"

"Maybe four or five blocks. It's not far at all."

"Thanks." Alice went back to her phone call. "Yeah, I can walk down there and drive you home. No, it's not an issue, Jazz. I want you both to be safe. I love you, too. Okay, I'll see you in a few minutes."

"Sorry about that, Izzy." Alice returned to her seat on the couch. "My idiot brother and my boyfriend had a little too much fun with the tequila and now need a designated driver." She rolled her eyes and I chuckled.

"It's not a problem, hon. It is getting late. I'm not sure when this place closes." I looked around the little café. There was only a few other people in the place now, most of the other patrons having left while I was caught up in Alice's story, and I caught the eye of a guy reading a magazine in the corner. "Eric!" He raised his hand in greeting and I jumped up.

"Fancy meeting you here," he said made his way over. He reached in and gave me a hug and I winced.

"Careful," I ordered and he laughed.

"What? Did you get some work done today?"

I rolled my eyes at him and turned towards Alice. "Alice, this is my good friend Eric. Eric, this is Alice. I told you about her this morning."

"Ah, yes, the Jimmy Choo lady." He shook Alice's hand and she smiled.

"Nice to meet you, Eric. So, how do you two know each other?" Alice shot me a look and I shook my head to tell her that this wasn't Pricky.

"Well, Izzy here was searching for some sort of craft place and walked into my shop instead. We got to talking and have been friends ever since. I think she's impressed with my work."

I laughed. "I'm just using you for your steady hands."

"I thought as much. So how did you two meet? Are you an artist, Alice?"

"Uh, no, I was a waitress but now I'm unemployed." Alice laughed. "Izzy and I met when we sat next to each other on the train yesterday." Alice's phone beeped and she swore. She read the text message and gave me a sheepish shrug. "I have to get going. My brother is getting out of hand. I'm sorry, Izzy."

"Oh, it's not a problem, Alice. I'll talk to you this week?"

"Definitely. Do you want me to wait and walk you to your truck? I can tell Jazz to handle things for a few."

"No, don't worry about it. Nothing ever happens in Portland. I'm just going to stay and chat with Eric for a few minutes. You go ahead." I reached over and gave her a hug.

"I want the dish on this Eric guy and his fabulous hands as well," she whispered in my ear before releasing me. She cocked her eyebrow at me before grabbing her purse. "It was nice to meet you, Eric. Izzy, I'll see you later."

I nodded. "Thanks for everything, Alice."

Eric joined me on the couch and we discussed the earlier appointment and when I would set up another one. We chatted for a few minutes but it was getting late and I was growing tired so I cut our conversation short.

"Eric, I'm going to have to bail on you. I'm exhausted."

"No problem, Izzy. I'll catch you later. Have a good night."

I paid my bill and headed out into the night. The talk with Alice had been just what I needed. I had known Edward's outward appearance was not what it seemed and I really just needed some perspective on whether it was worth digging through the crap to find the man somewhere inside.

As I walked up Commercial Street in the crisp night air, my confidence grew. _I can do this. _Maybe there was something there. Maybe Edward had felt it too. He had trouble speaking this morning as well. I remembered the frustration in his voice when I had gotten into my truck. There had been something else in his voice: desperation, almost. Either way, I had to know what was going on underneath those bronze locks.

I unlocked my truck and threw my purse across the seat. I was about to climb into the cab when a small noise from the car next to me caught my attention. I glanced down and my face turned fifty shades of red. _I guess things _do_ happen in Portland_.

**A little more insight into Izzy and Alice. I hope you enjoyed it. **

**A few more recs before I go (all available on ):**

_**Don't Take the Girl**_** by SparklingWand Mini-ward and Mini-ella are adorable and are growing up fast**

_**Lessons Learned**_** by MistyHaze420 I am thoroughly addicted to this J/E fic, I ****FLove**** Misty's boys**

_**Bella Swan and the Tablet of Truth**_** by ladyeire3 a f*khawt Edward and a mouthy Bella are the perfect combo that make this fic both fun and fabulous**

**Now go hit that little "Review" button :)**


	9. Chapter 8

**As always, huge thanks to my beta and tat twin, Bee. Go find her profile, IrishTwiFicster, and check out her brilliant fics! **_**The Write Stuff**_** and **_**The Wine Tasting. **_**Her 'wards completely own me, just saying. (more recs in the end notes)**

**Okay. This chapter turned out to be quite a bit longer than I thought it would be. Which is good, because I have to catch up on my other fic, DE, so it may be 2 weeks before the next chapter. Sorry, **

**Thank you sooo much for helping me break the 100 review mark. It means a lot to me. Sorry I didn't get a chance to respond to them this week. If you ever have any questions, feel free to find Pricky on Twitter and ask away = Prickward**

**As far as a playlist goes, this chapter was completely driven by one song. I literally listened to it on repeat for hours on end. Go have a listen:**

_**Make This Go On Forever**_** by Snow Patrol**

**www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=18ZVAPxJVMQ**

**And now, be warned. Prickward lives up to his name in this chapter. **

**EPOV**

I snagged the last parking spot within 5 blocks of Gritty's and crowed as we got out of the car. Jasper laughed and shook his head. "Come on." I motioned towards the sidewalk and he followed me up Moulton to Fore Street. "Gritty McDuff's is the best microbrewery in town, man. I kid you not. You won't be disappointed."

"If you say so."

"I mean it." We found a table fairly quickly; it was a Sunday night after all. Jasper and I took a seat and I immediately waved at the waitress. She was a hot little thing with a tight ass and I gave her a cocky smile as she approached. "Two pints of Halloween Ale, please, m'lady." She nodded and headed back to the bar.

"Halloween Ale?" Jasper looked at me warily.

"It's a seasonal brew," I said, looking affronted.

"Does it come dressed as a scary ghost?" Jasper was trying, and failing, to hide the grin spreading across his face.

"A vampire," I shot back and he burst out laughing.

We had exhausted the topic of baseball by the time our beers came and had moved onto Alice. "So how did you two meet?"

"I used to eat at the diner she works, uh _worked_ at."

"Yeah, that was a fun surprise. She quit her friggin job? Thank God she has you back in New York or I'd never get rid of her. Did you know she used to have a really good job as an assistant curator at a little museum downtown?" Jasper nodded and I continued. "That was a respectable job. She could have made a career out of it. She shouldn't have even gotten the job without a degree, but the owner was a friend of my father's. Then she fucking up and quits. I just don't get it. She liked the work."

"Have you ever asked her why she quit?"

"She said 'It just wasn't right, Edward.' Whatever that means." I rolled my eyes and realized Jasper was staring intently at me. "What?"

"There's…there's more to it, Edward."

"Like what?" I gave him a stern look.

"It's not my place to tell but you should ask Alice."

"What do you mean by 'There's more to it'?" I didn't like the way he said it but he refused to answer the question.

"Just…just go ask Alice."

"I _did._ That was the only answer she would give me. You can never get a straight answer out of a woman. They always take shit wrong." Izzy was immediately at the forefront of my mind and I could feel my anger growing. Jasper and his refusal to answer the question only pissed me off more. I shook my head. "Christ, I need a shot."

I snapped my fingers at the waitress who slowly made her way over. "Yes?" She stood there with a hand on her hip and her tone dripping with attitude. Apparently, she did not like being snapped at.

"Can you hold your tequila, Jasper?"

He gave me an amused look. "Edward, I'm from Texas. I could drink your sorry ass under the table."

I chuckled and turned back to the waitress. "Four shots of Jose, love, and four limes. You can make it five if you'd care to join us." I winked at her and she rolled her eyes.

"Thanks, I'm working," she said curtly, before turning on her heel and heading back to the bar.

"Yes, you are." I proceeded to eye-fuck her as she walked away. Jasper was stifling his laughter across the table from me and I turned to face him. "What?"

"I don't think she likes you, Edward." He fought hard to keep the grin from spreading across his face as his body continued to shake from silent laughter.

"Ten bucks says I could bed her."

"I'm not going to make the bet."

"Come on, Jazz." Jasper cocked an eyebrow at me as I adopted Alice's pet name for him.

"No, Edward."

"Are you afraid of what Alice would think?" I asked as I leaned back to survey him.

"Speaking of Alice," Jasper began.

"Tell you what, Jazz, I'm going to bed her anyway and then we will live out the rest of our lives both knowing that you owe me ten dollars."

"Whatever you say, man. Listen, about Alice."

"Great segue," I said dryly. "What about her?"

"She's really worried about you, Edward."

"Oh Christ, please don't buy into her bullshit, Jasper." I paused as the waitress brought us our tequila. I winked at her again and held up my empty beer glass. "Can I get another, love?"

"Sure." She took the empty glass and wandered off.

"What was I saying?"

"Alice," Jasper said quietly.

"Right, Alice. Look, Alice thinks she knows people. She thinks she knows what's best for people. She goes off on these tangents, trying to get me to change my life because she thinks that I'm unhappy."

"Are you?"

"No!"

Jasper studied me carefully. "Are you sure? Or are you just not being honest with yourself?"

"Oh great, you too, huh? Look, just because _you_ don't approve of my lifestyle, doesn't mean that I'm not happy with it. Not everyone is made for long-term relationships or marriage or kids." As I picked up the salt shaker, a snippet of my dream from the previous night came back to me and I thought of Bella's soft hand curled in mine. I wondered what it would be like to hold Bella's hand today, to walk down the street with her on my arm…

"Edward?" Jasper's quiet voice broke through the memory and I immediately chastised myself for getting lost in stupid fantasies again. _Fucking idiot. Give it up._ I downed my two shots of tequila before pushing the other two towards Jasper.

"Jasper, Alice barely knows me. I haven't lived with her in nearly fifteen years. I don't how she thinks she knows me so well." The waitress set my beer down on the table and I motioned for two more shots.

"Anything else?" She sounded exasperated. As I looked up to tell her no, my gaze caught her deep brown eyes and I nearly forgot what I was going to say.

"No, uh, no, just the shots. God, you have beautiful eyes." She looked taken aback by my comment and I watched her cheeks flush a bit.

"Um, thanks. I'll be right back with your shots, sir."

"Edward," I corrected.

"Edward," she said and nodded before walking away.

"Well aren't you the smooth operator." Jasper sighed and shook his head.

"What?" I tried to feign innocence. "She has pretty eyes."

"That you only just noticed after finishing your thorough examination of her tits and her ass."

"But I _noticed_ them, didn't I, Jasper?" He didn't look amused so I rolled my eyes. "Back to Alice."

"Alice says that she could see you happily married, that you just haven't found the right girl yet."

"She can see that, huh? What is she a friggin 'psychic? I _am_ happily married…to my job. We're prefect for each other. I know exactly what my job requires of me. No skirting around issues or taking things wrong or strange words with double meanings you don't fucking understand. Oh, and I don't have to listen to it whine when it's on the rag."

My thoughts drifted once again; this time to Izzy's angry response to my words on the beach. _I just don't understand…_ I didn't know why I had insisted on bringing up Merriman. It seemed like every word out of my mouth when I was with Izzy was the wrong one. _Why can't I even talk to her?_ I shook my head and took another sip of beer.

The waitress brought my tequila over and I let my eyes linger on her as she asked Jasper if he was all set. He nodded and she gave me a quick smile before heading to another table.

"Why did you go in to law, Edward?" I took a third shot and tried to remember the textbook answer I always gave to anyone who asked me. Two beers and three shots in, though, my brain was getting fuzzy. Jasper hadn't even finished his first beer or his second shot.

"Lightweight," I muttered.

"What?"

"Nothing, I was just…I can't remember," I admitted.

"Do you like your job?" Jasper looked at me and I looked away from his searching gaze.

"Yeah. It's good. It's…challenging. I like to win."

"Is it fulfilling?"

"What the fuck do you mean? It's a fucking job, Jasper."

"But you said that you were '_married_' to it. So is it fulfilling?"

"I don't fucking know. I-" The little hot waitress walked by and I reached for her arm.

"Yes, Edward?"

"Hi, hon. I need two more shots and a new beer."

"Do you boys want some food? The kitchen's still open. I could get you-"

"Nope. Just two shots of Jose Cuervo and a pint of Halloween Ale." She looked hesitant. I looked up at her with my best puppy-dog eyes and added, "Please?"

"All right." She glanced at Jasper and he indicated that he was all set. We sat there in silence while I waited for my drinks; Jasper, people-watching, while I played with an empty shot glass.

She returned a few minutes later and set down my drinks. I gave her a smile and as she turned to leave, my cock took the reins. "Hey, sweetheart?" She turned back and I smiled at her. "What time do you get off, babe?"

She paused and seemed to ruminate on the idea for a minute before making up her mind. "I'm out in a half hour."

I grinned at her and watched the blood rush to her cheeks as she walked away. Jasper watched her go then turned his attention back to me. I threw back a shot and slammed the empty glass back on the table.

"Edward-"

"No." He looked up at me in mild surprise. "No. I get enough of this shit from Alice. You two can take your fucking mind games and shove 'em-"

"Edward, I'm not trying to play mind games-"

"Why do you even care, Jasper?" I could feel my temper rising. I was still simmering about my failed encounter with Izzy and now, the alcohol was starting to affect my temper. "I met you, what? Ten fucking days ago? Why do you even give a fuck, man?"

"Because it scares the shit out of Alice," he responded quietly. "She cries herself to sleep with worry about you, Edward."

"Alice is too soft, Jasper. She's been pampered and coddled and she needs to learn to grow up. Life is not a fucking fairytale. For fuck's sake, she can't even hold down a fucking job and she's lecturing me on _my_ life?"

"Alice has been through a lot, Edward. She's a lot stronger than you think. You said yourself that you two haven't lived together in fifteen years. Don't presume to know _her_ any better than you think she's knows _you_."

"Fine." I continued to play with one of the empty shot glasses and refused to look at Jasper. I was pissed and I was horny and I didn't want to deal with this shit right now. _The little fuck is as bad as Alice._

"Edward, um." He looked nervous about whatever he wanted to say and I wondered what enigmatic psychobabble he wanted to lay on me now.

"Just spit it out, Jasper." I rolled my eyes.

"Man, I don't think you're okay to drive." I burst out laughing.

"Really, ya think? Jasper, I know you and Alice think I'm a closed-off, emotionally stunted man-whore, but I'm not an idiot." I giggled. "I was thinking of getting a designated driver anyway." I shot the waitress a smile and she blushed before turning away.

Jasper followed my gaze to where the waitress was leaning into the bar talking to the bartender. _Lean forward a little bit more, honey, so that skirt will hike up past-_ "Do you really want some chick you don't know driving your Lamborghini?" Jasper's question sobered me up a little. The little fucker had a point.

"Fine." I threw my car keys at him, knocking over one of his empty shot glasses in the process. "Are _you_ okay to drive?" I gave him a hard look. If I couldn't drive my fucking car drunk, nobody could. Period.

"I'm going to call Alice. She's only a few blocks away and I imagine the coffee shop will be closing soon. They'll be heading this way, anyway, I think." Jasper picked up my keys and pulled out his cell phone. I watched him dial Alice's number. He headed out of the bar to the much quieter street.

The waitress wandered over with our check. "Where'd your friend go?" She gave me a seductive smile and I could feel her eyes roaming up and down my body.

"He went to get himself a ride. Guess I'm picking up the tab tonight." I put the check and my credit card in her hand and let my fingers linger on her soft skin. I felt my cock tighten in my jeans and shifted a little in an attempt to readjust myself.

"What about you, sweetie? How are you getting home?" She asked as she leaned over the table and began stacking the empty shot glasses.

"Who said I was going home?" I ran my finger up her arm slowly and then over her shoulder and down her back. "You look good bent over that table, babe."

She turned bright red and straightened up. _Goddamn, I love it when a girl blushes. _She turned to leave and I grabbed her hand. I raised it to my lips and kissed it gently while staring deep into her eyes. Those dark brown eyes were more intoxicating than the tequila. "Let's get out of here," I whispered.

She paused and then nodded. "Okay. Let me just finish up." I watched her go, lost in fantasies of what I wanted to do to that ass. She disappeared into the kitchen and I sighed.

The sound of his chair scraping against the floor made me jump as Jasper sat back down. "Alice is going to pay her tab and meet us here. She'll drive us home."

"I've got a ride, thanks." I motioned towards the kitchen door through which the waitress had disappeared. "I'm going to ride that all night long," I added quietly, snickering to myself.

Jasper stared at me with pity in his eyes and I almost threw the last of my beer in his face. "Are you sure you want to do this, man?"

"Yes," I snapped. "Yes, I'm quite sure. But don't worry, _Dad_, I'll wear a fucking condom and I'll open doors for her and then I'll fucking marry her in the morning. Does that sound like a plan? Is that okay with you?" I wanted to punch the little fucker. My fists were twitchy as I watched him pull out his phone and send a text.

_It's probably to Alice and probably about me. Where the fuck is the waitress?_ It occurred to me then that I had no idea what the hell the girl's name was. It had been written on her little badge next to her perfect tits all night but I couldn't, for the life of me, remember what the hell the badge said. _Fuck, maybe she'll still be wearing it._

"Alice is on her way. I'm going to wait for her outside. How much do I owe you for the drinks?"

"Don't worry about it." I waved his offer of money away.

"Thanks," he said and it sounded like he really meant it.

"I'm not _always_ a prick," I said snidely.

"I know, Edward," he said quietly. I almost regretted my tone. He looked hurt at my assumption about how he viewed me.

"I'll meet you out there," I finally said. He nodded and headed for the door. I watched him go and chastised myself yet again. _Jesus fucking Christ, Edward. You can't even maintain a civil relationship with Jasper. You never get anything right. _I slammed my fist down on the table and wrenched my fingers through my damn hair. _I need another fucking drink._

The waitress was still in the back, so I waved at the bartender. He glanced at me and the pile of shot glasses still sitting in front of me before shaking his head. "They're not _all_ mine," I muttered before swearing quietly.

_Where the fuck is she? _The booze was catching up with me. I was starting to feel sick and I just wanted to get the hell out of there.

The girl, whose name I still could not remember, finally wandered out of the kitchen. Her hair was down and she still had that hot little miniskirt on but she had changed her shirt. _Damn, she took off the name badge._ I had no idea how to figure out what her name was now.

"Are you ready?" I nodded and rose, staggering a little. She laughed and moved to put her arm around my waist. I was still peeved that she had taken so long _and_ that she was now laughing at me. I was also well aware, however, that my walking skills were long gone in my inebriated state so I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and we headed for the door.

I saw Jasper and Alice standing a few yards down the street as we left the bar. I overheard part of their conversation as we grew closer. "Where's is she?" I giggled out loud as Jasper slurred his words. _He may not be as far gone as I am, but he's definitely drunk._

Alice heard me and turned towards me as she answered. "She ran into someone she knew. She's only parked a few blocks away so she told me to go ahead."

"Should we wait?"

"No, she'll be fine. She said 'Nothing ever happens in Portland.'" Alice frowned at me as the waitress and I reached her and Jasper. "Hello, Edward."

"Hello, Alice," I said, hissing the last syllable.

"Are you ready to head home?" She shot the waitress a fake smile which evaporated immediately.

"I will not be coming home, dearest sister. Thank you." My tone was contemptuous and I knew it but I was too far gone to care. I went to lead the waitress, who was now looking uneasy, around Alice and Jasper, but Alice side-stepped me and blocked our path.

"Edward, it's Sunday night. Don't you have to work tomorrow?"

"And?" I rolled my eyes and gave an exasperated sigh.

"And it would probably be best if you got some sleep before work." Alice pursed her lips as I leaned into her, exhaling the stench of tequila in her face.

"That's something you'd know a whole lot about. Isn't it, Alice? Oh, wait." I laughed. "That's right. _You_ don't have a job, do you, baby sis? The only respectable job you had, you threw away." I ruffled her hair and did my best to ignore the pain and shock that saturated her face.

Jasper immediately moved in between Alice and me and placed his hands on her shoulders. "Come on, Alice. Let's go." He shot me a look that looked more pitiful than angry and I just stared back at him. I didn't want his fucking pity but part of me was grateful he was taking her away. 

_Alice deserves a much better brother than me._ I had now successfully alienated the only three people who mattered to me today. _You are such a fucking asshole. You deserve to be alone._ I let these words sink in as Jasper and Alice walked away. I could see her tiny body begin to shake with sobs and my usual "I like being alone" attitude did nothing to still the anger and pain that was engulfing me.

"Where the fuck's your car?" I snapped and the waitress eyed me warily.

"It's in a lot on Commercial Street. Across from Dewey's." I grabbed her hand and pulled her along. I was done with this fucking day and ready to go back to her place and fuck her brains out, _now._

She followed along after me in silence until we reached the lot entrance. The gate was up; it was a pre-pay lot, and the attendant was long gone. "You weren't very nice to her."

I turned back to her and, knowing full well that she was right, replied "Shut it." She fell silent again and pursed her lips. Her brown eyes searched mine and my cock won out over my temper. I pulled her face to me and crushed her lips with mine.

She hesitated at first but her lips parted softly and my tongue sought hers greedily. As our tongues wrestled, she wrapped her arms around my neck. I moved my hands down to her waist and then around to that tight little ass. I squeezed her hard and pulled her closer until her body was flush with mine.

I felt her moan into my mouth as I pressed my erection against her. Too quickly, she broke away, panting. "We should get out of here."

"I don't think I'm going to make it back to your apartment, babe." My lips made my way back to her neck as I kneaded her ass through the flimsy skirt she was wearing. I started to hike the material up over her bum and she pushed me away gently.

"Edward, wait. Fuck, we're standing in the middle of a goddamn parking lot."

I knew she was right, that being caught in this sort of precarious position would likely cost me my job, my reputation, maybe even my license to practice. In that moment, I didn't fucking care about any of it. I would just fuck everything up eventually anyway. That was all I was good at, after all.

"Where's your car?" I demanded. She pointed to the far end of the lot where, thankfully, there were few streetlights. I grabbed her hand again, this time noticing how clammy and bony it was. It felt all wrong and I disliked it immediately. We walked swiftly towards her little car as my cock bulged painfully in my jeans. _I'm definitely not making it to her apartment. She's lucky if I make it to her damn car._

I walked with a purpose but I was still quite inebriated. As I rounded her little 2 door coupe, the uneven ground mixed with the copious amounts of alcohol had me stumbling into the vehicle next to the waitress's. I steadied myself against the old truck as the waitress laughed and reached down to unlock her car.

"Find your feet there, sailor." She continued to chuckle as she opened the door and though her laughter only served to infuriate me further, my cock was in full control and my temper would have to wait.

I pulled her to me and pinned her against the little car. Slipping my hands down to her ass again, I shimmied the skirt up, anxious to feel the soft skin underneath. I hoisted her up and sought her lips again. I kissed her hard and felt her moan in my mouth as I ground my erection into her. I was dangerously close to bursting my damn jeans so I quickly put her down.

"Get in," I growled as I undid my belt and climbed into the passenger's seat. She made her way around the car slowly, taunting me with her wicked grin. Throwing her purse in the back, we closed the doors simultaneously and I pulled her lips to mine again. Her hand slipped down to my thigh where my aching dick was desperate for release from the tight denim.

I groaned as she ran one finger down the length of my erection through my jeans. She pushed me back against the seat and immediately went for my button fly. I heard her inhale sharply as she freed my cock from its confines. I shot her a smug smile as she glanced up at me.

Those dark brown eyes only increased the throbbing of my dick and I quickly guided her back down to where it waited. She took my cock in one hand and slowly began to stroke. I couldn't stop the guttural moan that escaped my lips and I heard her giggle in response. I braced myself against the door as I felt her thumb circle the head, spreading the slippery pre-cum. I leaned back and closed my eyes as the pleasure washed over me.

I nearly lost my load when I felt her tongue on the head and my eyes snapped open immediately. She swirled the tip of her tongue around the head of my cock slowly, before plunging my dick into her mouth. I cried out as she sucked hard, hollowing her cheeks in the effort.

I buried my hand in her hair, controlling the speed of her movements. She took me all the way into her mouth and I grunted as I hit the back of her throat.

"That's a girl." She increased her speed and the feel of her hand stroking my flesh as she deep-throated my dick nearly sent me over the edge.

I inhaled sharply as her left hand found my balls and began kneading them. She squeezed gently and my hips flexed. She moaned and it sent tremors down my cock. "Harder," I ordered breathlessly and I groaned when she complied.

Gripping her hair tighter, I flexed my hips again and cried aloud as I hit the back of her throat a second time. I was so close. I opened my mouth to warn her that I was going to cum, when a sharp gasp next to the car startled me. I inhaled sharply as I felt my balls contract.

_No. Anybody else. Anyone but…_ I froze as I met her eyes, her beautiful eyes, now filled with shock and disgust. But it was too late to stop my dick. As I came deep in the waitress's throat, I gave a sharp cry. It was the most painful orgasm I'd ever experienced and my attempt at stopping it failed miserably. The tension in the muscle caused a sharp pain deep in my abdomen.

The sound of my cry jarred Izzy from her shocked state and she immediately turned and quickly climbed into her truck. I watched her slam the lock down. _She locked the fucking doors, Edward. Now she's fucking scared of you._

"No….wait…I-" I tried to collect myself. I needed to go after her, stop her, explain things. _And say what? It's not what it looks like? You're getting a blowjob in a dark parking lot. It's exactly what it looks like._ "No!" I needed to stop her but the tequila was finally catching up with me and the goddamn waitress was still in my lap. "Get off of me."

"Asshole." She glared at me as she sat up and rolled down her window. I ignored her as she spit out the last of my cum. "You could have fucking warned me." I shoved my cock back in my jeans and after a few tries, gave up on the last two buttons of my damn button fly.

I frantically searched for the door handle as Izzy's truck pulled out of its spot and headed for the lot exit. The haze in my brain had me completely discombobulated as I began hitting the damn door in a vain attempt to convince it to open.

"Let me out! Let me OUT!" I shouted at the door, the waitress, myself; I didn't know anymore.

"Where the fuck are you going? Oh my God. Did they see us?" The waitress's gaze had followed Izzy's truck to where it sat waiting to take a left out onto Commercial. She giggled as she turned back to me. "What the hell is your problem?"

My stomach turned at the sound of her laughter. "I'm 'a be sick." I groaned and the waitress dove across my lap for the door handle.

I stood and made it two steps before my stomach heaved. I doubled over and vomited. I heard the waitress sigh heavily. "Look, maybe we should just leave," she called from the car.

"I'm fine," I said before vomiting again. "I have to go home." I stumbled away from her car towards Commercial Street. I had nearly made it to the exit when the waitress caught up with me.

"Hey!" She grabbed my arm and spun me around. I nearly toppled as my head continued to spin long after my body had stopped. "Where are you going?"

"I have to go home. Bye." I tried to pull my arm out of her grasp but she held firm. I sighed and put my hands on her shoulders and gently pushed her back. "Go. Away. I'm leaving. Goodbye." I gave her a dramatic bow that nearly ended with me going ass-over-teakettle.

I stumbled my way out of the lot and headed down Commercial Street going vaguely in the same direction as Izzy's truck had gone.

"Asshole!" The waitress's scream resounded through the night air and I giggled. The giggling quickly grew into laughter that shook my whole body so hard, I nearly fell again. I had to take a seat on a nearby bench to save myself from ending up on the ground.

My laughter grew more forced and slowly turned into sobs as I sat there, gasping for breath, on a bench in the middle of the night. _Jesus, Edward. What the hell is going on?_

My stomach lurched again and I knew I needed to get home. I slowly and carefully got to my feet and looked up and down the street but couldn't see a cab anywhere. I waited a few minutes in the hopes one would drive by, but I finally gave up and pulled out my cell phone to call one. I gave the guy the nearest cross street and then took a seat on my bench again to wait.

•••••••••

Twenty minutes later, I was stumbling my way up the stairs of my townhouse. The kitchen light was on but the stairs leading up to the third floor were dark. I stood there in the middle of my living room trying desperately to grasp the events of my evening, of my whole day. _Anyone but her, anyone but her…_ The words weaved their way through the fog that had settled in my brain, over and over again. As if I could go back and start over, change the ending. I wanted nothing more in this moment than to take it back, take it all back.

Needing to block my infernal thoughts, I switched on the stereo and turned it as loud as it could go. I had no idea what song was playing. I vaguely recognized the band as Snow Patrol, one of Alice's favorites. At least the steady beat drowned out that damn voice in my head.

I sat on the futon and wrenched my fingers through my hair, nearly pulling it out in the process. "You fucked it up again, Edward." I had given up on trying to figure out why this girl, this stranger, mattered so much and had just accepted that she did.

My heart pounded in time with the bass of the song and my breathing accelerated as it occurred to me that this girl was like my last chance, my last lifeline. I had fucked it up and now I was terrified that I was drowning.

"You fucked it up. You fucked it up. You fucked it up." I chanted it to myself like a fucking mantra as I took off my jacket. "You fucked it UP!" I threw the jacket as hard as I could against the opposite wall.

The soft thump of Italian leather hitting the wall did nothing to dispel the anger growing in my chest. My house keys, on the other hand, made an excellent _thwack_ as they hit the wall; they even botched the paint job.

I looked around and, without thinking, grabbed my empty coffee mug from this morning. I reveled in the sound of it shattering. A few picture frames from the bookshelf followed suit. I nearly ripped the outlet out of the wall when I picked up one of the lamps and flung it with all my strength against the wall. The other lamp left a six inch gash in the sheetrock.

I briefly noticed that Alice's song had begun playing again and vaguely wondered why the fuck it was on repeat, but I was on a fucking roll. Panting from the effort, I glanced down at the glass-topped coffee table. Snow Patrol continued to pound in my ears as I picked up the fucking table. "You fucked up. You fucked up."

_**All that I keep thinking throughout this whole flight  
Is it could take my whole damn life to make this right  
This splintered mast I'm holding on won't save me long  
Because I know fine well that what I did was wrong**_

"You stupid FUCK!" I screamed at the top of my lungs as brought the coffee table down, shattering into a million pieces. Glass shards covered me but I didn't care. I didn't care about the glass; I didn't care about the state of my living room. I didn't fucking care.

Exhausted from my day, my night, my temper tantrum, everything; my legs gave out and I sat down on the glass covered carpet, panting. One of the picture frames that had escaped the frenzy lay near me and I reached for it, needing it to be Bella. I was desperate for little Bella's brown eyes to calm me.

I turned it over and behind the unmarred glass, the stern, disapproving gaze of my father stared back at me. "You're fucking dead and I'm still getting looks of disapproval." I laughed bitterly. "I guess I'll always be a disappointment, Dad." I sneered the last word. "I fucking hate you. I fucking HATE YOU!" I threw the picture as hard as I could towards the kitchen. I heard it break with a satisfying crunch against the wall of the stairwell.

I rose quickly, cutting my hands on the glass but not caring. I reached for the 52 inch plasma that dominated the entertainment stand and flung it to the floor. The sound of it shattering was drowned out by my name.

"Edward!" I spun to see Alice and Jasper standing at the bottom of the stairs, staring at me in shock. Jasper was holding my old high school lacrosse stick.

"Christ, Edward! I thought someone had broken in." Jasper ran his fingers through his honey curls as he surveyed the damage.

"Edward, what the-" Alice took a step towards me and winced as her foot found the last picture frame I had thrown. She knelt and picked it up. I saw the tears begin to well up in her eyes as she stared down at the image of our father. "Edward." Her voice was barely a whisper as those tear-filled blue eyes found my hard green ones. "What is going on with you?"

"I'm fine." I turned away, knowing I would not be able to keep it together at the sight of Alice in tears.

"You're not _fine_, Edward. This…you can't…" Alice waved her hands at the living room which now looked like a tornado had ripped through it.

"I…I'm…" I fell silent as the two of them stared at me, dumbfounded. I swallowed hard and then opened my mouth to tell them, once again, that I was fine, that they didn't need to worry about me. My stomach lurched, however, and I knew I was in trouble. I turned towards the bathroom that was down past the kitchen but in my haste, slipped on the glass and pitched forward.

I hissed as the glass cut into my palms and I struggled to my feet. I could feel the blood that was now starting to trail down my wrists, but I had a more pressing issue to deal with.

"Oh my God, Edward. Wait a minute." Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alice reach for me while Jasper paled and quickly started up the stairs. I pushed past Alice and ran for the bathroom. I barely made it to the toilet before I was reunited with the tequila.

I heaved and caught myself on the toilet, crying aloud as the gashes on my hands stung against the cool porcelain.

"Edward." I could hear Alice as she made her way down the hall to the bathroom where I was currently retching.

"Alice, wait." Jasper's voice was low but I could still make out the words. "Alice, I don't think…Look it's just…Sweetie, I'm worried that-"

"What?" Alice cut him off and I could hear the fire in her tone. My stomach was giving me a small reprieve as I rested my cheek on the cool porcelain.

Jasper took a deep breath and his voice dropped even lower so that I had to strain to hear his words. "Alice, there's a point where you need to recognize that…that _you_ can't save Edward. _He_ needs to save _himself_ and, and until he recognizes that, darlin', there's not much we can do for him."

"Jasper, he's my brother. There's no _point_ where it's okay to give up on him." The determination in her voice was mixed with pain and it cut through my chest, burning more than the bile. "I'm not going anywhere, Jasper. If you need to go, go."

"Alice, I'm worried about you _and_ your brother. I just, I love you, Alice, and I don't want to see you get hurt."

"I'm going to Edward."

"I can't go in there."

"I know." Alice fell silent and they exchanged a few words too low for me to hear.

_Now, you're fucking up Alice's relationships as well, Edward. Well done. Jesus, you're fucking toxic, a goddamn disease. You're a monster, destroying everything in your path._ I waited for some sort of shock at this internal revelation, but I had to admit that I'd probably known it all along.

The music still pounded throughout the house and I was sick again as the lyrics reached me in the bathroom.

_**The last girl and the last reason to make this last for as long as I could  
First kiss and the first time that I felt connected to anything**_

_And now you've severed that fucking connection, Edward._ I heard the hinges on the bathroom door squeak softly and Alice gracefully stepped over my limp body, sprawled across the floor. She lowered herself to the floor and sat beside me with her back to the wall.

"Edward?" I groaned and lifted my head weakly. "Honey, I need to see your hands. Please?"

I tried to lift myself up but did not make much progress as splintering pains shot up through the palms of my hands. Alice gently pulled me to her and rested my head in her lap while she examined my hands. Her touch was gentle and I felt myself begin to drift.

"Hon, I think you're going to need stitches. I just hope there's no glass left in there." She rose, gently lowering my now aching head to the cool floor tiles, and then proceeded to rummage through the medicine cabinet.

I awoke a few minutes later as she lifted my head back up and scooted, cross-legged, underneath me so my head was resting on her knee. "Hand," she said and I obeyed. I drifted off again as she began her slow search for glass fragments in the cuts.

A minute later, an hour later; I had no idea how much time had passed when I felt my stomach rip me from my sleep. I bolted out of Alice's lap and was sick again. Alice clucked behind me and I felt her tiny hands gently rubbing circles on my back as I sat there, panting. I was shaking and sweating by the time my stomach had calmed down.

It was a wonder I didn't crack my skull on the hard tile when my body finally gave out and I collapsed onto the floor. Alice caught me and pulled me back into her lap. As I lay there, breathing heavily and staring up into my baby sister's face, I nearly laughed out loud as Jasper's words came back to me. "She's a lot stronger than you think." Apparently, he was not just referring to her emotional strength.

The pain in Alice's eyes as she gazed down at me brought me back to the moment. "I'm sorry," I whispered. My voice was thick and I felt the tears escape from my eyes and run down into my hair. I tried to turn away but she pulled my head back to face at her. She gave me a sad smile and ran her fingers through my hair.

"Well, if you're not now, Edward, you will be in the morning." She chuckled at her own joke but I shook my head.

"No, no, Alice." I swallowed and tried to find the words. "Alice, I fucked it up. I fuck everything up. With her, with Dad and, and with you and Jasper. Alice, I'm a fucking monster. I'm not good for people. I'm not even good for me."

"Edward, you have not fucked up Jasper and I. What are you talking about? And who is-"

"But I heard him, Alice. He doesn't want to be around me. He knows what I am." Alice stared at me for a long minute and then laughed.

"Edward, Jasper's not going anywhere. What? Did you think this was our first fight? Edward, we love each other and he will stand by me no matter what. That's what people in a real, loving relationship do. It took me a long time to learn that, hon, and I think it's time you learned it as well."

"But he said that he wouldn't come near me."

Alice smiled and ran her fingers through my hair again. "Jazz gets dizzy at the sight of blood. He couldn't handle the cuts on your hands." She smirked a little at this admission.

I fell silent as I took this in. Alice sat in silence as well, still running her fingers through my hair, absentmindedly. She began swaying gently as the song started over, yet again.

"Why is it on repeat?" she asked finally.

"I don't know. I probably broke it too. I'm sorry."

"It's _your_ stereo, darlin'." Alice paused as my eyes drifted in and out. "Edward." I just wanted to sleep. "Edward?" I forced my eyes open and looked up at her wearily.

"Edward, you didn't… Look, I know that you and Dad had your problems, but, Edward, wait-" I groaned and tried to roll out of her lap. "Edward!" She pulled me back towards her. _Fuck, when did she get so damn strong?_ My body was exhausted and my head and my hands were both throbbing. I was no match for anyone, even someone as small as Alice.

"I don't want to talk about it," I muttered.

"Fine. Don't talk. Just shut the fuck up and listen then." The fire in her eyes was enough to strike me dumb and Alice quickly launched into lecture mode. Her tone was strong but her words were soft and gentle as she spoke.

"Edward, I know that you and Dad did not see eye-to-eye. I get that. You're both very strong-willed people and well, frankly, you're both stubborn as fuck." She grinned at me and I gave her a small smile in return.

"Sweetie, you need to understand that he loved you." I scoffed and attempted to roll out of her lap again. "Edward Anthony!" She grabbed the collar of my shirt and dragged me back.

"Edward, I mean it. You have no idea. I know that he pushed you hard, _too_ hard, probably. He just wanted you to excel, to learn to push _yourself_. He wanted-"

"He wanted a little copy of himself, a little mini Carlisle, because he was such a self-absorbed fuck." I shot back angrily. I pushed her hands off of me and managed to pull myself up into a sitting position. "Nothing was ever good enough, Alice. Nothing was ever fucking good enough. I…" I searched my memory for an example and, surprisingly, despite the fog, one provided itself to me.

"I brought home a fucking 98% in Honors Calculus my senior year of high school. I was carrying a full goddamn load of Honors courses _and_ captaining the lacrosse team _while_ attempting to charm every Ivy League school in the country. You know what he said to me, Alice? Do you know what he fucking said?" Alice shook her head and my words dripped with contempt as I spit out the answer. "He said, 'What the hell happened to the other two points, Edward?'"

"I could never do enough, Alice. I could never _be_ enough for him. He could never just fucking love me."

"He did love you, Edward. I know that his methods were not the best, but-"

"His _methods_ weren't the _best_?" I gave a sick laugh.

"He did love you, Edward. I wish you could have seen how proud he was of you. You were all he ever talked about. Edward _this_ and Edward _that_. Dad told anyone that would listen about his brilliant lawyer son." I turned away from her as bitter tears pooled in my eyes and then spilled over and ran down my cheeks. 

I felt her brush a lock of hair off of my damp forehead. Her cool finger felt good against my overheated skin.

"Hey, Edward-"

"No." I held up my broken and bleeding hands. "Please, Alice, no more. Not tonight." She hesitated and then nodded. I went to stand but a twinge in my gut made me freeze. "Maybe I'll just stay in here for tonight," I said as a wave of nausea passed over me.

Alice nodded. "You're quite pale. I think your hands will be fine till the morning. The bleeding has nearly stopped. Wait here a minute. I'll grab some blankets and pillows."

"No, you go back to Jasper." She rolled her eyes at my attempt at chivalry and then stood. She stepped over me and then headed out of the bathroom, presumably ignoring my suggestion and seeking out pillows and blankets for us.

I lay back down on the floor, reveling in the feel of the cool tile against my damp cheek. I could feel the bass from the stereo, still playing that damn song; the pounding reverberated up through the floorboards. My breathing slowed and my eyes closed as I drifted off to sleep with the last lines of the song repeating themselves in my head, over and over.

_**And I don't know where to look  
My words just break and melt  
Please just save me from this darkness**_

_**Please just save me from this darkness**_

_**Please just save me from this darkness**_

_**Please just save me from this darkness**_

**Gah! Don't hit me! Okay, first and foremost, Izzy and Edward's next meeting **_**will**_** end better, I swear! And I'm sure we'll get to see a little of Izzy's temper as well. (Any and all complaints should be directed to that little blue review button.)**

**Fic Recs (all on )**

_**Bella Swan and the Tablet of Truth**_** by ladyeire3 I'm lucky enough to help with beta-ing this fic occasionally and damn, V is brilliant. Tombraiderward is one hot mess that ya'll need to check out!**

_**Don't take the Girl**_** by SparklingWand - Read and then go follow TheJazzMiester on twitter :D **

_**Lessons Learned**_** by mistyhaze420 - This fic owns me, literally. I love her boys more than the oxygen I'm currently breathing**

_**A Voice For Me**_** by PachasPickMeUp - Beautiful and very well written fic I LOVE this story**


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N**

**Much love, as always, to my beautiful Bee (IrishTwiFicster). I couldn't do it without you, darling.**

**Comments and some pimpage at the end. **

**EPOV**

I sighed and closed the case file, wincing as the movement pulled on my sutures. I cursed quietly and gazed down at my tender hands. It was my own damn fault; I was well aware of that but I couldn't help feeling sorry for myself by the end of a long work day. My hands hurt like hell and the itching was completely maddening.

"I'm going to head out if you're all set, sir." I glanced up to see Carol standing in the doorway, coat and purse in hand.

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm set, Carol. Have a good night." I gave her a smile. She had been incredible the past few days. Tuesday, I had barely been able to type. She had ended up sitting with me while I dictated every note, every e-mail; she had dialed every phone call. Without her, I would have been completely useless.

"Oh, Carol?" She re-appeared in the doorway. "I, uh, I really appreciate all your help this week. I'm going to put in for a raise for you. I just wanted to let you know." A brief look of surprise crossed Carol's face before she gave me a warm smile. I had a brief flashback of my paternal grandmother who had died when I was 4 and I couldn't help but return Carol's smile.

"Thank you, sir." She turned to go but stopped. "_Are_ you all set? It's getting late…" She trailed off and I rose.

"It _is_ late and I should be getting home before Alice comes searching. I'll walk you out," I said as I locked the files in my desk and reached for my coat.

"Alice is still in town?"

"She is, indefinitely, or so it would seem."

Carol chuckled. "And her boyfriend?"

"Jasper is flying back to New York this weekend."

"Is he?" _Izzy?_ My thoughts stumbled as a name I had tried desperately not to think of came to mind. I swallowed hard and attempted not to recall the look on her face when she had found us… I shook my head and looked up to see Carol staring at me, confusion on her face.

"Um, yeah." Distracted, I hurriedly slipped on my coat, not bothering to button it. I reached for my briefcase, forgetting about my useless hands. "Shit!" I swore loudly and dropped the damn case.

"Oh! Are you all right?" Carol reached for my hands and I recoiled. "Don't be a baby." She rolled her eyes and quickly inspected my hands. I had to fight to keep from grinning as Carol chastised me like a child. Any other week, I would not have been so even-tempered about being rebuked by my secretary but this week I owed Carol and I knew it.

"Well, you didn't pop any stitches so that's good. I'll carry that though." Carol gently dropped my hands and reached for my briefcase. I quickly protested. "Edward." Her stern maternal gaze quickly shut down my argument.

"Thank you," I finally mumbled.

"You're welcome. Are you ready?" I nodded and followed Carol out of the office and to the elevators. "Oh!" She turned to me suddenly as the elevator door opened. "Did you get the message from Phillip Anderson that I left on your desk after lunch?"

"Yes. I returned his call about an hour ago. Thank you." We stepped into the car and I pressed the "L".

"So will we be seeing Toby again shortly?" Carol asked with a hint of exasperation in her voice.

I laughed out loud. "No, no. Phillip was calling on a personal matter. Toby hasn't broken any laws this week."

"Well, it is only Wednesday." I snorted in laughter and held the elevator door for Carol as we reached the lobby.

"Actually, I've been invited to the Anderson family annual holiday party." Carol tried and failed to keep the grin off of her face. "What?"

"You're going to a party?"

"I go to parties," I said, feigning injury at her question.

Carol chuckled and shook her head before switching back to a motherly tone. "You should button up. It's cold out." She continued to shake her head as she headed for the front door.

"What? I _do_ go to parties. I have a life outside the office." I fumbled with the buttons on my coat, cursing Burberry for not utilizing Velcro. I managed to get one button done before giving up on my maimed hands and hurrying after Carol.

"I'm glad to hear it." Carol waited patiently for me then followed me up the block to where the Diablo was parked. I unlocked the car and saw Carol's eyes widen in surprise with a touch of humor as she spied the flashy sports car. She smiled to herself. "You should get out of the office more, Edward." The softness of her voice confused me and when I looked up I was surprised by the sadness in her eyes.

Carol opened the passenger door of the Diablo and set my briefcase on the seat. "Do you want a ride?" It occurred to me that I had no idea where Carol lived. She had been my assistant for nearly three years and I knew next to nothing about her.

"I'm all set, thank you. I'm meeting my daughter for dinner." _She has a daughter? Did I know that?_ "Take care of yourself, Edward." I met her eyes and nodded quietly as my thoughts raced. "Snow flies tonight. You be careful in this little car of yours tomorrow."

"Yes, ma'am." I grinned at her and bent to get in the car before changing my mind and straightening up. "Carol?" She had already started up the street but turned back. "Uh, have a good night. Enjoy your dinner." She smiled and I watched her go, my mind still trying to take in the events of my week.

The air _had_ grown cold and as Carol turned the corner and disappeared, I felt the icy wind wrap around me. I shivered and hastily climbed into the car. I sat there for a few minutes wondering what the hell was going on in my head. _Edward, get your shit together. So you don't know anything about Carol's personal life. She's your goddamn secretary. Why would you?_

_ Administrative assistant,_ a part of me snapped back. _ Am I so much of a prick that I can't be bothered to learn anything about someone I spend at least 40, if not more, hours a week with?_

That wasn't entirely true. I knew Michael Noyes's golf handicap. I knew Sam Franklin had three kids but that was mainly because his office was cluttered with pictures of them. I knew that George Morse had just purchased a yacht and was planning on sailing to Florida when he retired. _But you can barely remember the names of half the sec-…administrative assistants and paralegals in the building._ My thoughts flickered to Carol. She brought me coffee every morning and was always strict about making sure I took a lunch or at least had something to eat. _She _takes care_ of you, Edward, just like Alice. Apparently, Edward Cullen, Esquire is not as self-reliant as he thought. _

"God, I _am_ an ass." I sighed heavily and jammed the key into the ignition, then cursed as pain shot through my hands. I shook my head trying to dispel the confusion that muddled my mind before heading for home.

I awoke the next morning to a winter wonderland. The weatherman announced, with a little too much enthusiasm, that we had gotten 6 inches overnight and could expect 2 to 3 more throughout the day. I groaned and shut off the radio which I'd been forced to use; I had yet to replace my demolished television.

The streets were still messy on my way to work and for the third winter in a row, I chastised myself for not buying a more snow-friendly car. At least I didn't have to drive to the courthouse today. The roads were fairly empty as well. As I slid through a stoplight, however, I decided that wherever I ended up for lunch today would be within walking distance of the office.

I crowed as I found a parking spot only thirty feet from the building entrance. I parked the car and slowly made my way through the slush and black ice that now covered the sidewalks. I was dripping by the time I reached the door and was immediately thankful I had chosen to trade in my Marc Jacobs Oxfords for a sturdy pair of L.L. Bean boots for my commute.

The morning dragged. Two of my clients had to re-schedule because they were stuck in their driveways and my hands still hurt too much to make any real progress on the case files I'd been avoiding since my return. I watched the snow pile up and began dreading my drive home. I could always take a cab home but I hated leaving the Diablo in the Old Port overnight. There would certainly be a parking ban anyway.

Noon finally arrived and I rose quickly, exceedingly grateful for an opportunity to get out of the office. I changed back into my boots, struggling for several minutes with the damn laces, and then grabbed my coat and headed for the door.

"Carol, I'm heading out to lunch." She frowned and glanced at the whiteout that dominated the large window across from her desk. "I'm not taking the car. I'm walking. I'll be back in an hour or so." I could see she still wasn't happy about me wandering out in the storm but she merely nodded and turned back to her computer.

"Uh, Carol? Do you want anything?" She looked up in surprise.

"I'm sorry?"

"I mean, there's no use in us both going out into that." I gestured to the window outside.

Carol seemed taken aback by my offer and I wondered briefly, if I had ever offered such a thing before. _Surely I've run an errand or grabbed lunch for her at some point in the last 3 years…_ But nothing came to mind.

"If you could just grab me a bite to eat from Steward's that would be lovely." She reached for her purse and I waved her off.

"Don't worry about it."

"Sir-"

"We'll sort it when I get back. What would you like?"

Carol frowned but set her purse back down. "Chicken salad on wheat, please."

"Chicken salad on wheat," I repeated. "I'll be back soon." I gave her a small wave as I headed for the elevators.

The office was fairly empty for a Thursday. The snow had kept most people home. Technically, this was a small storm for Maine. "Flurries," they called it. We would likely have at least one good Nor'easter this year that would dump nearly thrice the amount of snow on the state. People always overreacted to the first storm of the season though, like they had forgotten how to drive in snow over the course of the warmer months.

Either way, I was enjoying the unusually calm atmosphere that had enveloped the office. I gave the lone security guy a wave before clumsily buttoning up my collar and heading out into the snow.

The snow was falling steadily on Commercial Street, fat white flakes drifting lazily to the ground. The sidewalks were still a mess, but I was pleased to find the solitude that permeated my morning in the office seemed to have blanketed the whole of Portland.

There were few cars on the road and only the occasional distant rumbling of a snowplow could be heard. I smiled to myself and headed up the street. Steward's would be a great place for lunch. I could grab a sandwich for myself, maybe give Alice and Jasper a call and then pick up Carol's sandwich on the way out. Pleased with my lunch plans, I continued on in my five block trek through the slush and ice to Steward's.

I shook myself off as I stood in the doorway to the little shop and then headed in, eager for the warmth. There was only one man behind the counter and the rest of the shop was deserted. I ordered my sandwich and took a seat at one of the two rickety tables in the corner of the shop.

I called Alice and chatted for a bit while I waited for my sandwich. She was beginning to sound a bit morose and I knew she was already missing Jasper, though he wouldn't leave for two more days. Part of me wanted to remind her that she was more than welcome to return to New York with him; I would even pay for her ticket, but I kept my mouth shut.

I really didn't enjoy hurting Alice and I knew some of the things I said to her were harsh. I didn't mean to be that way. I realized that, truthfully, I was afraid of Alice going out in the real world, as soft as she was. She needed toughening up.

The guy brought my sandwich over and I gave him a forced smile. I listened to Alice prattle on about how beautiful the snow was and how Jasper had not had much exposure to snow in Texas and how she wanted to go skating in Deering and so on. My mind wandered back over the past few days as my baby sister went on.

Monday, I had been practically helpless and in terrible pain. Alice and I hadn't returned from Maine Medical Center until nearly 10 a.m. Still intoxicated, I had managed to call Carol and explain I was not coming in before crawling into the bed that Alice and Jasper had given back to me in lieu of the glass-covered couch. I crashed for most of the day before waking up with the worst hangover in human history. My hands had felt like they were going to fall off and I had spent the rest of the day praying they would.

Alice had pampered and coddled me, bringing me aspirin and saltines for my hangover and cold packs for my aching hands. Though I had repeatedly insisted she stop spoiling me, she had ignored my objections and nursed me back to health. Even now, thinking about Alice's tender care brought that cursed lump back into my throat.

I knew everything: the hangover, my hands, the state of my living room, everything was my own damn fault. Alice, and even Jasper, had not acknowledged this once. This only increased the guilt that had been coursing through me since Sunday. _The trouble I've caused them…and her…_

I inhaled sharply as Izzy filtered back into my thoughts and I tried to focus on Alice's voice to distract me. "Edward? Edward, are you okay? Is it your hands? You shouldn't be working so hard!" Alice immediately launched into bossy nurse mode and, for once, I was thankful.

"I'm not even at work, Alice. I'm on lunch, and no, it wasn't my hands."

Alice paused, probably debating the plausibility of my story before continuing. "Well, all right. You really do work too hard, Edward. Did you hear what I said about skating?"

"Yes. I'll take you and Jasper to Deering Oaks on Saturday before Jasper leaves. I don't know if it will be frozen yet but we can certainly check."

"Good." There was silence on the end of the line for a minute before she said, "Edward, I worry about you." _And here you are, biting your tongue to keep your snide remarks about her leaving to yourself. What a brilliant brother you are._ The joy I had felt at the beginning of my lunch hour was quickly dissipating.

"I know, Alice. I'm fine…really." She wouldn't believe it. Alice was far too intuitive to believe what I, myself, was only starting to realize were lies.

She chose not to argue this time and, once again, I felt guilt wash over me. I had planned a surprise for her and though it would never make up for my disgraceful behavior, I hoped she would at least understand my intentions.

"I'll see you when you get home. I love you, Edward."

I let the silence linger between us for far too long before responding. "I love you too, Alice." The phone snapped shut and suddenly I felt drained. I finished my lunch in contemplative silence, cementing my plans for Alice's surprise.

I picked up Carol's sandwich and a hot chocolate for the walk back to the office. I bundled up again before heading back out into the snow.

It was snowing harder as I headed back down Commercial Street. There was less than a block of visibility and I made my way slowly along the dangerously slippery sidewalk. I gave a small laugh as I neared a child playing on one of the snow banks along the street. The snow was piled up in drifts that were nearly four feet tall. I was surprised not to see the child's parents anywhere around and my eyes quickly roamed the street in search of them.

As I grew closer to the snow bank, I realized it wasn't a child at all. It was a young woman and one I knew. Sitting against a snow bank, in 3 inches of slush and shivering like a leaf, I came upon Miss Elizabeth Swan.

**B(I)POV**

I sat in the damn snow bank and felt tears begin to fill my eyes. _Of all the fucking days…_ Snow and I did not get along. Truth be told, we were mortal enemies. I had no idea what had possessed me to venture outside on a day like this but I was deeply regretting it now.

I glanced down at my ankle. It _looked_ fine. In fact, it looked like how a perfectly normal ankle wrapped in wool trousers, thick socks and a pair of inexpensive winter boots _should_ look. I had tried it though, and it was refusing to cooperate with me. It was badly twisted or worse…

So, here I was stuck in the damn snow because damn Darlene wasn't answering her damn phone. _At least there is no one around to see- Strike that._ I groaned as I caught sight of a man approaching. I tried to give off a casual vibe, like I _always_ rested in snow banks surrounded by slush and mud.

I heard him chuckle quietly as he neared. _Asshole!_ I wondered if he'd just walk on by and mind his own business. I prayed fervently that he would; this was mortifying enough as it was.

"Ms. Swan?" _No. No, no, no, no, no, no!_ I chose to ignore him. _Maybe Pricky,_ I sneered Alice's nickname for him in my thoughts, _will give up and go away. _

"Izzy?" I saw him set down a coffee cup and a paper bag out of the corner of my eye. He then knelt in the slush beside me and I was surprised that he would stoop to getting his fancy clothes dirty. "Izzy? Are you all right?" His voice was hesitant, almost as if he was afraid of my reaction to his attempt to help.

I pondered this for a minute and then checked my phone angrily. _No calls. Damn you, Darlene._ I crossed my arms and sighed deeply.

"I'm fine," I finally said. "I…I slipped. That's all." I tried to stand up again. I _would_ get up this time. My cursed ankle _would_ work. I would not fall again in front of- "Ah!" I cried aloud as my ankle gave out and I ended up back in the snow. Humiliated and in pain, I felt the tears begin to spill over.

"My God, your ankle!" Edward was immediately at my feet. He removed his gloves and then lifted my left leg gently, placing it on his knee. My breath caught in my throat as he delicately slid my pant leg up my calf. I thanked the gods of hair removal that I had decided to shave the night before as his cool fingertips roamed down to my ankle. His touch was soothing and I immediately felt that same electricity that had marked our first meeting in his office. I tried not to squirm as I grew moist at his sweet caress.

"Well, I don't think it's broken, but we should leave your shoe on to keep the swelling down. At least until we can get you to a hospital." Edward's rich voice snapped me back to reality.

"Mmm?" I met his eyes and we both fell silent, lost in each other's gaze.

"Oh, um, your ankle?" Edward stuttered, breaking our connection. "I..I don't think it's broken but we _should_ get you to a hospital to have it looked at." I nodded dumbly. _Wait…hospital?_ I opened my mouth to protest, but Edward had already risen and was replacing his gloves, while looking up and down the street. There wasn't a single open shop the length of the block. "Don't you have a car?"

"I walked to work today. Listen, Ed…Mr. Cullen, I don't-"

"You walked? In this?" Edward looked down at me incredulously.

"It wasn't this bad this morning," I said defensively.

"Well, you can't _walk_ to the hospital and I won't be able to carry you very far on this ice." Edward pulled out his cell phone. He fumbled with it for a minute before managing to dial whomever he was calling. _Ah, the downside to horrendously expensive cashmere lined leather gloves,_ I thought sarcastically. I heard him give our location and then ask how long it would be. Apparently the answer was longer than he liked because he quickly put on his bossy attorney voice. I sighed again as he terminated the call.

"Don't _you_ have a car?" I retorted as he hung up with the cab company.

"Yes, I do." His words were clipped and he seemed to be fighting to keep his temper in check as he frowned down at me. "But _my_ car is four blocks that way, Ms. Swan, and these sidewalks are deadly. Thus, I have called us a cab."

_Us?_ The one word was enough for me to dismiss the condescending tone he used. _Is he going with me?_ I wasn't sure if that thought was appealing or not. Edward Cullen sitting with me in the waiting room. Edward Cullen holding my hand as they x-rayed my ankle. Edward Cullen seeing me cry (and I knew I would) when they removed my shoe from my throbbing foot. Edward Cullen listening as, mortified, I explain to the doctor what happened and what a clumsy oaf I am. _Oh, God._

I realized Edward was still speaking and turned my attention back to him. He did not look pleased. "I told them to hurry up. You're going to catch your death of cold out here. What in the hell were you doing just sitting in the snow? Why didn't you call for help?"

"I _did_ call," I snapped. "Darlene hasn't called me back and there's practically no one else in the office."

"Darlene? Don't you have any other friends? Were you just going to sit out in this blizzard until Darlene checked her voicemail?"

"I _have_ other friends!" I was practically snarling at him now. His patronizing tone was infuriating. "But as none of them are within a 5 block radius, I chose not to call them. I didn't want anyone driving in this crap to come get me. That would be selfish."

"Selfish? Well, then why didn't you call 9-1-1? Please tell me you would have at least done _that_ before you froze to death?"

I flinched as his words brought back a memory. As the daughter of a cop, the police were generally the first resource that popped into my head. I had been leery of 9-1-1, however, since a California vacation when I was 5. My parents had a fight and my father had stalked off. I had just wanted him to come home and make things right. I didn't know where he had gone but Daddy was a cop so I had tried to call him at work. I had gotten the lecture of a lifetime for dialing 9-1-1 and the recollection of it still smarted.

"What do you care?" I snapped turning away from him and crossing my arms roughly across my chest.

He seemed taken aback, but recovered quickly. "Obviously, I care. I'm here, aren't I? I did call a cab, didn't I? I'll even pay the fare," he sneered.

"I suppose it'll cost me a blowjob in a back alley." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them.

His face went paler than death and his eyes immediately fell to the ground. I almost apologized out of habit alone, but held my tongue. _Pricky deserved that…I think._ My eyes were drawn to the pain etched on his face and I bit my lip, wondering if I had gone too far.

Silence filled the space between us, intensified by the blanket of snow that was falling. I wrapped my jacket tighter around me as the air around us grew icy. I shivered and tried to keep my teeth from chattering. Edward glanced at me immediately.

"Are you cold?" he asked quietly. His eyes were still on the ground and I realized he was doing his best to not make eye contact with me. _Oh, God, that _was_ too far, Izzy._ My guilt intensified as I grasped that I had hurt him, deeply, with my comment.

"Well, I'm soaked and sitting and sitting in a snow bank in the middle of a blizzard, Mr. Cullen." I tried to keep the anger out of my voice but my mind kept bringing forth images of him sitting in that car, with that skank… Edward immediately began unbuttoning his long wool coat and I gasped. "No. I'm fine, really."

He ignored my protests and after having some trouble with the buttons, finally removed his coat and draped it over me. "Take it," he murmured, doing his best to cover me completely from the falling snow. "And here, drink this. It's hot chocolate. It'll help keep you warm." I hesitated as he handed me the cup and he sighed. "I don't have cooties, Ms. Swan, despite what you may think."

Feeling chastened and overridden with guilt for the harsh comment I had made, I took the hot drink from him and drank. Had his lips touched the same place mine just had? _Stop it, Izzy._ I couldn't help imagining what Edward 's lips tasted like though. _Rich and sweet, that sounds about right._

Edward's coat _was_ incredibly warm and smelled like heaven. It was the smell of Edward, I was sure of it. Musky but with a hint of sweetness. There was a rawness to it that immediately had me rubbing my thighs together despite the pain in my ankle. I inhaled deeply, practically moaning in pleasure.

Edward shifted and I quickly looked up at him, hoping he hadn't caught me smelling his coat. He was too busy shifting from one leg to the other, his gloved hands deep in his pockets as the icy wind whipped around us.

"Edward, please! Please take your coat. It's freezing." I held the heavy coat up, imploring him to put it back on but he just shook his head.

"I'm fine. The cab will be here any minute. Just…please, just keep yourself warm." His green eyes pleaded with me and I gave up, praying the cabbie would show soon.

My eyes were drawn to him as he swayed in the snow. I watched the soft white flakes get caught in his bronze locks, then melt and cling there like tiny crystals. His face was still pale. Whether it was from my remark or the cold, I couldn't be sure. Either way, the ice white skin made his cloudy emerald eyes stand out as he stared intensely off into the distance. Though he still refused to meet my gaze, I saw his eyes flicker in my direction every few seconds. I was overcome by a sudden desire to read his thoughts.

_He's probably just worried about you, Izzy._ Now I was desperate to apologize for hurting him, but had no idea how to go about it or if bringing it up again would only cause him more pain. My thoughts were even more scattered as my mind tried to reconcile this polite, caring Edward with the one I had seen in the parking lot getting a… I shuddered at the recollection.

Edward's eyes were immediately on me, mistaking my movement for more shivering. "Goddamn taxi." He pulled out his phone and did his best to dial the company again. He snapped it shut before his gloved fingers could complete the call, though. "Oh, thank God." I was surprised by the anxiety in his voice. Was he really that worried about me?

Edward waved at the taxi as it approached and then knelt beside me. He picked up my purse and draped the strap over his shoulder before kneeling beside me once again. "Um, I'm going to have to-" He paused, looking decidedly awkward.

"It's okay." I smiled at him and hoped he wouldn't hear my breathing accelerate. The thought of Edward Cullen sweeping me up in his arms had my heart nearly bursting out of my chest. It was a wonder he couldn't feel the steady pounding as his strong arms lifted me gracefully. I saw his expression change briefly and his breathing immediately hastened as he pulled me into his chest. _Perhaps he feels it too. _ The electricity that seemed to exist between us was pulsing so strongly, I could almost hear it crackling. I tried desperately to control the pace of my breathing. I kept my eyes firmly on his jaw as he carried me to the cab, lest I get lost in that emerald sea again.

My resolve didn't help and I was overcome by a strong desire to run my tongue along his jaw line. Wrapped in Edward's coat and pressed against his chest, the intoxicating scent of him was now permeating all of my senses. I felt a humming in my thighs as the warmth of his arms encased me. My mouth watered; I could almost taste that pouty lip as I leaned in closer-

**Gah! Don't hit me for the cliffie. Next chapter should be up soon.**

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	11. Chapter 10

**A/N**

**Chapter 10, as promised.**

**Much love to my beta, IrishTwiFicster. I flove you, wifey!**

**Song for this chapter is **_**Someday You Will Be Loved**_** by Death Cab for Cutie. Listen to it here: http:/www[dot]youtube[dot]com/watch?v=neXaFUmiV3g**

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**Enjoy…**

_I was overcome by a strong desire to run my tongue along his jaw line. Wrapped in Edward's coat and pressed against his chest, the intoxicating scent of him was now permeating all of my senses. I felt a humming in my thighs as the warmth of his arms encased me. My mouth watered; I could almost taste that pouty lip as I leaned in closer-_

**Chapter 10**

"Maine Medical Center." Edward's gruff voice brought me back to my senses immediately and I recoiled, biting my lip. The cabbie had come around and opened the door and Edward hastily set me on the seat. He reached over, grabbed the seat belt and buckled me in quickly. I heard him hiss as the belt clicked but didn't have time to wonder why. The fire that erupted between my legs when his fingers brushed my hip drowned out anything else.

His coat had fallen down around my knees and he pulled it brusquely over me. "Keep yourself warm," he ordered.

"Yes, sir." I rolled my eyes as he marched around to the driver's side of the cab. I heard him speaking rapidly to the cab driver and I realized, crestfallen, that he was likely giving him instructions and fare. I turned away, feeling the tears return as I grasped that I really did want Edward to accompany me. _Pricky's not like that, hon. You expect too much of him._

The cab doors on the driver's side opened simultaneously. "Keep the coat over you." I nodded and pulled it back up around me. I heard the cab driver get in and both car doors shut. I continued to stare out the window, watching the snowflakes fall lazily to the ground. Edward had told the cabbie what he needed to know so I kept silent as we pulled away from the curb.

I hated hospitals and was now dreading this. I wondered briefly if I could convince the cab driver to just take me home. _Edward probably gave him explicit instructions to take me directly to the hospital._ I sighed heavily and rested my forehead against the cold glass of the window.

"Are you in pain?" Edward's soft voice made me spin around in my seat. I almost cried aloud in joy as I found him sitting next to me, those green eyes of his boring into me. "What?" He was confused by my reaction to his question so I quickly shook my head.

"I just, I didn't realize you were coming with me."

"Someone has to keep you safe," he murmured. "What were you doing out in the snow anyway?"

"I've been stuck in the office all day. I just needed to get out for awhile so I went for a walk on my lunch."

"Lunch! Oh, shit." Edward swore and pulled out his phone. "Sorry, just a minute." He fumbled with the phone before removing his gloves to dial. I turned away to give him privacy as he waited for whomever to answer.

"Carol? I'm sorry. I ran into Ms. Swan and…Yes, Ms. Anderson's friend. She's hurt and I'm escorting her to Maine Med…Yes, of course. No, I… I'm always…But..." Edward exhaled noisily and I wondered what Carol was saying to him.

"Yes, ma'am." I heard the annoyance in his voice. "Your lunch… Yes. Sorry about that…I will. Okay, thanks, Carol." He snapped the phone shut and shook his head. "Carol wishes you a speedy recovery." I mumbled my thanks and stole a glance at Edward as he slipped his phone back into his pocket.

"Edward, your hands!" I gasped and, out of instinct, reached for them. They were red and covered with gashes that were in the early stages of healing. Both palms were littered with ugly black stitches and the skin around them was raw. I pulled them towards me and he winced as one of my fingers brushed a line of sutures. "Sorry. What happened?" I gazed down at his broken hands, shocked by the fact that he could even dial a phone number with them.

Edward shifted uncomfortably. "I, uh, had a fight with my living room," he finally admitted quietly.

"When?" The cuts couldn't be more than a week old. Less, I figured.

"Sunday night." Edward's voice was barely audible even in the close confines of the taxi.

We both fell silent as the memory of our encounter on Sunday night came rushing back. I opened my mouth to apologize for my earlier comment but Edward broke the silence before I could work up the nerve. I was still holding onto one of his hands and seemed to be unable to let go of it.

His voice was shaky, as he said, "Well, this should put a damper on your dancing at the Anderson party." He frowned at the thought and I wondered if he had been planning on asking me to dance. The thought almost made me giggle.

I pictured Edward twirling me around on a dance floor and a short laugh escaped my lips. He looked at me quizzically. "I don't dance," I explained.

"Why not?"

I gestured to my ankle. "I'm not exactly what one would call graceful, Mr. Cullen. I _can't_ dance."

"It's all in the leading, Ms. Swan. Perhaps you've never had the right partner."

I felt my face flush as those stormy green eyes looked up at me from under the blackest of lashes. The lust that flashed through them damn near ruined my panties.

Up front the cabbie switched on the radio, effectively killing the moment. The voice of Ben Gibbard floated from the speakers and I leaned back against the seat and sighed.

_I once knew a girl in the years of my youth  
With eyes like the summer, all beauty and truth  
But in the morning I fled, left a note and it read  
"Someday you will be loved"_

I heard Edward inhale sharply. He pulled his hand back abruptly and my eyes sought his, wondering if I had hurt him. He was staring at me intently, his green eyes clouded. We got lost in each other's gaze and I felt my heart beat accelerate. My palms were suddenly sweaty and each breath I took was less and less satisfying.

_You may feel alone when you're falling asleep  
And every time tears roll down your cheeks  
But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet  
And someday you will be loved_

I was taken aback as my vision from the beach filled my mind: a beautiful bronze haired boy. He had drops of water on his chest that sparkled in the sun. My chest began to ache as my body begged for oxygen.

_You'll be loved, you'll be loved  
Like you never have known  
And the memories of me  
Will seem more like bad dreams  
Just a series of blurs  
Like I never occurred_

The bronze haired boy was suddenly replaced with an image of Jacob in the rain. I tore my eyes from Edward's as the pain in my chest increased; whether from my inability to breathe of from the influx of painful memories of the man whose heart I'd broken, I did not know.

Edward's gaze fell to the floor and I chastised myself as I realized he was unaffected by what had just occurred. After several deep breaths, I forced myself to make small talk.

"Are you still planning on going?"

"To the party? Yes. I actually spoke to Phillip about it yesterday."

"Oh? Aren't you good? R.S.V.P.-ing early?" I tried to sound casual but the thought of Edward at the party sent butterflies coursing through my insides.

"Asking a favor actually, and Phillip was kind enough to grant it. I'm sure it's not polite, I suppose, to ask if one can bring an extra guest." Edward furrowed his brow and then shrugged.

_An_ extra _guest_? I knew Edward's invitation, the one Darlene and I had delivered to his office that day, had already allotted him one guest, one…_date_. Apparently, one was not enough for Edward Cullen, Esquire. Mr. _If-you're-there-then-I'll-go_ was bringing _two_ dates. _Seriously?_ I scoffed and turned back towards the window.

I watched his reaction in the reflection in the window. He cocked an eyebrow at me, surprised by my response. I glanced back at him long enough to shoot him a dirty look.

He furrowed his brow. "While I agree it was poor manners, Phillip was more than happy to grant my request. I'm sure if had been unwilling, he would certainly have shared his feelings. Phillip is quite a…formidable man."

I gave a short laugh and shook my head. He was still staring at me expectantly. "So you're bringing _two_ dates, huh? Are _they_ good dancers?" I hoped he would catch the scorn in my tone.

Edward's mouth tightened into a thin line and he took a deep breath before answering. "Excellent dancers, actually. Their names are Veronica and Kelly and they're both Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders. I'll be escorting them to the party and then afterwards, I've booked a suite at the Eastland. It's one of their top suites; a hot tub in the room and one colossal king size bed. Sadly, the hot tub is only built for two but we'll just have to make do. We could even squeeze in a fourth…"

He trailed off and I gasped, appalled. I turned to him sharply and nearly snarled at his implication. "You…you…" I was nearly shaking in anger when I caught the smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. I almost slugged him. "You're joking." I shook my head and turned away, lest he catch the smile making its way across my face.

"Of course I'm joking." Edward was trying and failing to contain his grin. I couldn't help but match it as Edward began to shake with laughter. He giggled until he was breathless. "I had you going there. Ms. Swan, I have never met any of the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders and frankly, I'm a Jets fan anyway." He continued to grin at me, an incredulous look on his face.

I wanted to smack him or at least give him a dirty look but I couldn't help but smile softly as I gazed at him. My breath caught in my throat as I caught a glimpse of a care-free Edward; one so different from the mask he wore for the world. His stormy green eyes sparkled and I felt a pang in my chest as they crinkled in laughter. This was the Edward I had seen during our brief moment in his office, the Edward I had caught glimpses of on the beach, the Edward I was falling fast and hard for.

Edward caught me staring at me and immediately straightened. The laughter was gone from his eyes immediately and I almost burst into tears as I watched the mask fall back into place. "I apologize, Ms. Swan." _Apologize? For what?_ I cried silently. "That was completely inappropriate and uncalled for. I was way out of line and-"

"No, no! Ed- Mr. Cullen, it's fine, really. It was a joke. I'm not offended." He looked relieved. "And please, call me B…uh, Izzy." I was taken aback as my childhood nickname almost fell from my lips. It took me a minute to recover and I looked up to find Edward's soft smile gazing down at me.

"Izzy. Call me Edward," he said softly.

"Edward, look about what I said earlier-"

"We're here." My apology was interrupted by the cab driver announcing our arrival. I cursed silently. "Sorry it took so long. The roads are terrible." I nodded mutely and Edward quickly pulled out his wallet. He thanked the driver and handed him a wad of bills. I couldn't see how much it was but I had a vague notion it was far more than just the fare, as the cabbie immediately offered to procure a wheelchair. 

Edward accepted his offer, despite my protest, and climbed out of the cab and hurried to the passenger's side. As he opened my door, the cabbie returned with a gorgeous blonde pushing a wheelchair. My jaw almost dropped at her beauty; she made her simple blue scrubs look designer just by the way she walked. She pushed the wheelchair through the slush towards us and I groaned at the sight of it.

"I can hop, really. I don't need that. It's completely unnecessary." _Or you could carry me, Edward…_ This thought had me biting my lip and I cursed silently as I felt my cheeks flush. I looked up at Edward to see if my arguments would succeed or if, perhaps, he had somehow heard my silent wish. I caught him staring down at me, his mouth slightly open.

"Edward?" Our trance broken, we both turned towards the nurse as she reached out and touched Edward's arm gently. He quickly gave her a bright smile but I was pleased to see it didn't reach his eyes. _Maybe he saves that real smile for me…_ I chastised myself at once for even allowing that glimmer of hope.

"Rosalie, how are you?"

"I'm good. How are you?" Her gaze fell and I turned away, unwilling to watch this supermodel check out _my _Edward. _He's not _your_ Edward, Izzy. _Rosalie's perfect hand rested on Edward's arm in an intimate way and I wanted to scream. _Of course he would know her. Of course they would be…_ _She's perfect. Who wouldn't tap that?_ I thought bitterly. "Are you here for-"

"Oh, no. My fr…uh-" A look of confusion crossed Edward's face. "Well, this is Izzy Swan, an acquaintance. She's hurt her ankle. I don't think it's broken but I thought she should have it looked at, just in case."

"Good idea. Better safe than sorry." Rosalie nodded and dropped her hand from Edward's arm. "Well, Ms. Swan, let's get you in out of the snow."

I tried to return her smile, but was not looking forward to this. "I don't need the wheelchair. I'm fine, really."

"It's just a precaution, Ms. Swan. This sidewalk is quite slick and the floors inside are wet from people tracking in snow."

"No, really. I can walk. I'm-"

"It's for your safety."

"I realize that but-"

"Ma'am." Rosalie's tone changed and I watched steel flash through her china blue eyes. "If Edward says you need a wheelchair, I'm inclined to believe you need a wheelchair. He knows what he's talking about."

_Playing doctor with him doesn't mean he's medically trained._ My inner bitch was snarling at this bombshell blonde and I opened my mouth to continue my protests. "But-"

"Just get in the damn chair, Izzy!" Edward was staring down at me. I looked up at him in shock and he added, through gritted teeth, "Please."

I fell silent and handed him his coat. I kept my eyes on my boots as Rosalie helped me into the wheelchair. Edward handed me my purse and I set it on my lap without looking at him.

I could feel the sting of tears as Edward's harsh words continued to echo through my mind. _You deserved it. He's just trying to help._ Great. Now my inner bitch had turned against me. I kept my mouth shut and my eyes on my feet as Rosalie wheeled me in, chatting animatedly with Edward about the snow.

My cheeks betrayed me. I felt the fire start in my neck and begin to creep up as my face flushed. Rosalie wheeled me in and every eye in the place fell on me and the procession I was leading: the glorious Rosalie, god-like Edward and the damn cabbie who was hopping around like an overexcited rabbit. He kept asking Edward, rather loudly, if there was anything else he could do. I rolled my eyes. _Jeez, how much did Edward tip him?_

It was mortifying. I wanted to curl up into a ball and hide in the corner, but of course, Rosalie led me to the center of the large waiting area and parked the wheelchair at the end of a long row of chairs. She left me there. After dismissing the cabbie, Edward followed her over to the nurses' station.

I waited until both their backs were turned before I tossed my purse onto one of the ugly gray chairs and then hurriedly hobbled my way into another one. I refused to spend another minute in the damn wheelchair. Freed from the humiliating, attention grabbing wheelchair, I felt the flush finally begin to leave my cheeks.

I risked a glance in Edward's direction and was pleased to find that he hadn't yet noticed my change in seating arrangements. He was still focused on Rosalie. I watched them talk and laugh and, for once, my eyes weren't drawn to Edward. He was facing away from me and over his shoulder I could see Rosalie chatting casually, smiling at his amusing remarks. She seemed so at ease and the sight of her made me wonder if _I_ would ever be able to hold a casual conversation with this man.

_Not if you keep making cracks about blowjobs, Izzy._ I swore internally, remembering I had yet to apologize for that remark, before telling my inner bitch to shut up. I would have to make amends and soon, but not with Rosalie listening in. A thought occurred to me and I blanched. _No, no Rosalie wasn't the blonde in the car. She couldn't be…_ The thought had me nauseated and I bent over slightly as a wave of dizziness washed over me.

_No._ I was determined not to believe it, but my subconscious would not leave it alone. _Pricky has been very nice. He didn't have to come with me. He could have just called me a cab._

_Perhaps, he was missing his girlfriend. _

_ She's _not_ his girlfriend. If they were together, why wouldn't he be bringing her to the party?_

_ You don't know _who_ he's bringing to the party._ I came up short as I recalled that Edward had only told me he was not bringing cheerleaders. He hadn't actually said who his dates would be. _You actually thought..._

"Ha!" I gave a short laugh and shut down the daydreams. _Will you just get over this silly crush?_

"'Ha', what?" I looked up to see Edward standing over me, a clipboard full of forms in his hand.

"Oh, nothing." I reached for the clipboard, trying to keep my eyes focused on anything but the beautiful man in front of me. He handed them over but frowned at me. "What?" I demanded.

"What was wrong with the wheelchair?"

"I didn't want to sit in it anymore." I kept my eyes on the form and ran the pen along each line of text. I tried to pretend I was actually reading the admittance form but Edward continued on anyway.

"You're just going to have to get back into it when you go in to see the doctor."

"That could be hours away and this chair is far more comfortable." Edward cocked an eyebrow at me but fell silent.

He shook his head and settled into the seat next to me. "Are you cold?" he asked. When I shook my head, he laid the beautiful coat across his knees. I missed the scent of it already.

Edward leaned back in his chair, and situated his arm on the armrest between us, brushing mine in the process. I felt the air grow heavy as electricity began to dance between us. My breath caught in my throat and my mind went so fuzzy, I could barely remember my name, much less write it on the form.

"Are you all right?" I felt my cheeks go red again as I looked up to see Edward watching me. I opened my mouth to answer but nothing came out. _Damnit, why does he have this effect on me?_

"I'm just a little dizzy. It's fine." I gave a weak smile and turned back to the forms that were getting more and more daunting.

"When's the last time you ate?"

"I had a banana and coffee for breakfast."

Edward frowned. "You should eat. I'll go ask Rosalie where the cafeteria is." He rose and I felt the air grow cold as he walked away. I was missing his presence before he could even make it across the lobby.

His absence did grant me a clearer head and I set to work on the forms, completing them before he returned from the cafeteria. I set the clipboard on the chair next to me, along with my purse and braced myself to stand on my good foot.

"Sit!" Rosalie's sharp voice rang across the lobby and I froze, halfway to a standing position. I lowered myself back down to the chair as she made her way over to me. "You're going to hurt yourself. Where are you trying to go, Ms. Swan?"

"I'm finished with the forms," I said quietly, handing her the clipboard.

She took them and gave me a look that seemed to be a strange mix on condescension and kindness. "If you need anything, ask. I don't need you injuring yourself further in my lobby." I nodded complacently. "And if-"

She straightened up and fell silent as a group of doctors in white lab coats passed through the lobby. I saw one of them, a giant of man with a sweet smile on his face, make eye contact with her before they both looked away swiftly.

"Ask him out," Edward said in a stage whisper. Rosalie spun and smacked him as he handed me a packaged sandwich and a carton of milk.

"Butt out, Cullen." The steel flashed through her eyes again and I was pleased it was not directed at me this time.

"I just-" Rosalie's glare was enough to stop Edward mid-sentence and he held up his hands in mock surrender. She spun on one foot and stalked back to the nurses' station. Edward watched her go, a smug grin painted across his face.

"How long have you known each other?" It was an innocent enough question. I hoped Edward wouldn't read too much into it.

"Since Monday." I laughed and turned to him in surprise. "Rosalie stitched my hands up. She's quite an…assertive woman." Edward chuckled to himself and I followed his gaze to see Rosalie glaring at him from across the lobby.

They seemed to have an easy camaraderie for only knowing each other a short time. I was envious. I wanted to have that with him. "Ooh, she's not happy."

"Yes, well, Rosalie seems to think I'm trying to be annoying," Edward replied.

"You? Really?" Again, I aimed for jovial but failed. My voice sounded sharper than I meant it to as I remembered his Merriman comments on the beach. "You seem to have penchant for saying things that incite strong emotions in people. Do you enjoy pushing people's buttons, Edward?" Edward exhaled noisily and a strange, pained look passed over his face.

"You seem to have a talent for button-pushing yourself, Izzy." Edward's voice was barely above a whisper and though his smile remained it was forced.

The blood drained from my face. "Edward," I whispered, "About what I said…"

He turned away from me and his jaw tightened. "It's nothing. It doesn't matter."

"No, it does matter. I shouldn't have… You've been so kind and… It was a horrible thing to say, Edward. I'm sorry."

"It's fine." The silence grew between us. I didn't dare even glance in his direction and wondered if I should have even brought it up.

I jumped as my cell phone finally broke the silence. I fumbled with my purse and tried to retrieve the phone. I finally pulled it free, but managed to dump half the contents of my purse as it fell to the floor. I sighed heavily and dropped my head into my hands before answering my phone.

"Hello?"

"_Izzy?"_

"Hi, Darlene." _Nice of you to return my call._

"_Izzy, what happened? I came out of my meeting to a dozen missed calls and three voicemails, each more frantic than the last. What's going on? Are you okay?"_

"I fell. I'm fine now. I'm in the waiting room at Maine Med."

"_Oh my God, Izzy. Are you hurt? You're at Maine Med?"_

"My ankle's sprained, I think. I'm just going to have it checked out."

"_How'd you get to the hospital?"_

" I, um, ran into Attorney Cullen on the street. He called a cab and brought me." Darlene fell silent on the other end as she absorbed this news.

"_You ran into Attorney Cullen? _Edward_ Cullen?"_

"Uh, yeah."

"_And he brought you to Maine Med?"_

"Yes." Another long pause.

_"Oh. Uh, do you want me to come to Maine Med?"_

"No. No, I'm all right. Once I'm done here, I can just grab a cab home. I don't want you traveling in this weather."

"_Are you sure?"_

"Yes. I'm fine, Darlene."

_"Well, call me when you get home, sweetie."_

"Will do, hon." I hung up and sighed, then bent over to pick up my purse but Edward had beat me to it. He was picking up my wallet and the various things that had fallen. "I can do that," I quickly offered.

"It's not a problem." His voice was cold, distant. He gave me an odd look when he retrieved the last item: a small tube of cerulean blue oil paint, but chose not to ask. "How is Ms. Anderson?" he asked as he handed me my purse.

"Um, fine." I gave him a grateful smile. "Edward?" He glanced up at me and the emptiness in his eyes pained me to the core. "I really do appreciate everything you've done. Thank you."

"You're welcome." His response was automatic and unfeeling.

I wanted to keep him talking; even cold and unfriendly, his voice was still beautiful. If I had ruined everything, I wanted, no, _needed_ to walk away with what I could. "So, Rosalie seemed quite trusting of your medical opinion."

"I grew up around doctors."

"Where did you grow up?"

"New York. Queens."

"And your mother or father was a doctor?" I tried to sound light-hearted, cheerful as if this was merely a casual conversation between acquaintances.

"My father. He was a neurosurgeon." His short answers left me wanting but at least he was still speaking to me.

"Wow. Your father was a brain surgeon and his son is a high powered attorney. That's quite the family tree. Your dad must have been very proud of you. What did your mother do?" I saw it, the moment he turned off. It was as if his whole body had shut down, a wall had fallen between us, and I was suddenly left standing in the cold. I had thought him distant before but now…

Edward rose swiftly. "Well, Ms. Swan, I'm sure you'll be fine. Rosalie will take good care of you." He pulled out his wallet and hastily shoved a bill into my hand.

"What's this?" I tried to return it but Edward stepped back out of my reach. It hadn't escaped my notice that I was 'Ms. Swan' again and it crushed me.

"Cab fare, as promised."

"I don't want your money, Edward."

"Take it. I-" He swallowed then looked down at me. "I hope you feel better, Ms. Swan. Have a good day."

"Edward, wait!" He paused and then turned back to me. "Let me at least buy you lunch, next week sometime, as a thank you."

"I don't think that would be a good idea."

"Why not?" My voice was barely audible and my eyes sought his. My chocolate irises met his stormy green ones and for a moment, the whole world disappeared. It was our meeting in his office all over again. My heart raced, my lungs forgot how to work, but none of it mattered when I was lost in his gaze.

Too soon, Edward inhaled sharply and dragged his eyes from mine, breaking the spell that had fallen over us. "Edward?" My whisper barely reached my own ears but I saw him glance involuntarily at me for a brief second.

He took a step towards the exit and I gasped as I realized he really was leaving. He turned his head back towards me but kept his eyes on the floor. He looked afraid to meet my gaze as he mumbled, "You're just…you're not good for me," before swiftly heading out the doors into the falling snow.

**THANK YOU SO MUCH TO ALL OF YOU FOR HELPING ME BREAK 200! (Sorry for the shouty caps but you guys ROCK!) Can we break 300 now? ;) ILY!**

**Next update should be… July 10****th****? I think there's a movie or something coming out soon that may distract me a bit ;)**

**Pimpage:**

**My beta, wifey, tat twin, is a brilliant author! Check out her profile: IrishTwiFicster for all her works including **_**The Write Stuff**_** (which I hear will be updating rather soon *wink*) **

_**Bella Swan & the Tablet of Truth**_** by ladyeire3 - JUST UPDATED! Check it out! I LOVE this fic **

_**Don't Take The Girl**_** by SparklingWand - This fic is taking off faster than TheJazzMeister's pants Wanna know what I'm talking about? Go read!**


	12. Chapter 11

**A/N**

**Okay, uber thanks to my wonderful wifey, Bee (IrishTwiFicster) for beta-ing and my scrumptious sis, V (ladyeire3) for pre-reading. I flove you both!**

**Thank you all of you for the reviews, for favoriting this fic, for reading! I flove you all as well!**

**By the way, I have a new blog! The link will be up on my profile. This is where I will post teasers, music, etc. Check it out and leave me a comment! Also, all chapters of both fics are available there as well. Thanks!**

**Music: **_**Honestly Ok-**_**Dido **_**Neighborhood 1 **_**(and**_** Neighborhood 2**_**) – Arcade Fire**

**I know you're all mad at Pricky so without further ado…**

**Chapter 11**

_**Each of us bears his own Hell**_.** Virgil, **_**Aeneid**_

I hurried out of the emergency room, terrified to look back, to get lost in those eyes again. As I reached the ice-covered sidewalk, I slipped but managed to steady myself. "Slow down, you idiot, or you'll just end up back in there," I muttered.

_You _should_ go back, _a voice in my head replied. I hesitated a half a block from the hospital entrance. I wanted to go back. I was not usually the one to take the "flight" option; my temper usually had me better suited for "fight" but there was something about this woman…

I shook my head. "Go back, Edward. Apologize, you asshole." I stood there, arguing with myself as the snow fell softly around me. Cold drops of melted snow dripped down my face like tears and I wondered at how different I was from the man that had first met Izzy just a few short weeks ago._ What the hell has she done to you?_ I thought, even as I ordered myself to return, to go back and beg forgiveness. But I couldn't.

My heart was racing as I grasped just how much Izzy scared the hell out of me. _She's not good for you,_ the voice in my mind reminded me snidely. _She makes you weak, vulnerable._ The mental voice sounded eerily like my father's and I remained frozen on the sidewalk.

My father's voice, harsh and unforgiving, echoed in my ears and I fought the emotions that raced through me. _Grow up, Edward. Stop acting like a child. Do you want to be weak? _His words were now stamped on my psyche, something I would never be able to shake off. Weakness was not an option in Carlisle's eyes and that was ingrained in me more so than anything else.

The minutes ticked by and the snow piled up around me as I stood there, paralyzed by fear. Finally, broken from my trance by a passing car, I turned back towards the emergency entrance. "Maybe if I…maybe if I don't look her in the eye?" _She's nothing to you; nothing but another crazy chick, Edward. Man up._ "If I just…go back and explain that…"

_That what? You're not interested?_ My groin tightened and I knew that lie would not be so easy to fake. _Or that you're an asshole?_

"She's probably already caught on to that one." I gave a cold laugh. "Okay, I'll lie. I'll tell her I got an urgent call from my sister and…and I didn't know how to tell her that I had to leave." I nodded to myself and swallowed hard. _I can do this._**  
**

"Okay." I nodded again and briefly wondered if I looked like a crazy person, standing on the sidewalk in the middle of a blizzard, arguing with myself. _She's not good for you._ The thought appeared again and I did my best to ignore it as I took a tentative step back towards the hospital, back towards Izzy. I did my best to shut down the Carlisle like voice in my head. The bastard had tried to run my life when he was alive; I wouldn't let him ruin this from beyond the grave.

_Go back. Go back, you weak-ass coward._ My jaw set, I forced myself to walk back down the block to the double doors of the emergency room. One step from the entrance, however, my feet grew too heavy to move and my breathing neared hyperventilation. The debate in my head began anew. Desperate, I tried negotiating with myself. _One glance_. If she glared at me, I would skip the attempted fix, like the coward I was.

I tried and failed to steady my breathing as I raised my head, seeking those chocolate brown eyes. _She's gone._ I searched the waiting room frantically but she was nowhere to be seen. Izzy and those mesmerizing eyes that held such a power over me had disappeared.

Confused and angry at myself for wavering on the sidewalk for so long, I strode back into the emergency room. My fear, nearly forgotten, was quickly being replaced by agitation as I confirmed that Izzy was no longer there. I spun around and made my way across the lobby to the nurses' station. Rosalie was gone as well and another nurse had taken her place.

I walked up to the new nurse, still tracking snow on the floor, and shot her a smile. She did not return it. She did allot me a brief glance that was colder than a witch's tit before returning to whatever note she was typing on her computer.

Finally, sighing heavily, she turned to me and offered a rather forced smile. "How can I help you?"

"I'm looking for Ms. Swan, Ms. Elizabeth Swan. She was just here a moment ago."

"Elizabeth Swan?" I nodded. "Are you family?" she asked, turning back towards her computer.

"No." She paused, her hands still resting on the keys, and turned her head back to me.

"I'm sorry, sir, but if you're not family, I cannot release any information to you."

"I'm the one who brought her in. I just stepped out. She's a…a friend."

"You were the one who brought her in? _Elizabeth_ Swan is a friend of yours?" She glared at me skeptically and I could feel my temper growing.

"Yes," I snapped. "Now where the hell is she?"

The nurse's mouth immediately set into a tight line. "Sir, please do not yell at me. If you're not family-"

"But-"

"If you are not family-" She nearly spit the words at me, emphasizing each one as though it were a complete sentence.

"Fine! Let me speak to Rosalie then." Her shoulders straightened as I barked the order at her and I cursed silently. "May I speak with Rosalie?" I forced an apologetic smile.

"Rosalie?"

"Rosalie. She's a nurse who works here. She was sitting in that seat," I gestured to the office chair the nurse was currently occupying, "Not twenty minutes ago. Tall, blond-"

"I _know_ who Rosalie is, sir."

"Well, page her then. She'll tell you." I angrily raked my hand through my untidy and damp hair, wincing as the movement pulled on my sutures.

"I'm sorry, sir." _You don't look sorry, bitch._ "Rosalie is on her lunch break."

I was growing more anxious, grasping at straws now. "Well, what about Dr. McCar-"

"Sir, I cannot release any information to you."

"You don't understand!"

"Sir, if you're going to argue with me, I'm going to have to ask you to leave."

"But-"

"Sir." The nurse gave a sideways glance and I followed her gaze to the security guard standing twenty feet away. I saw him sidle our way and immediately stepped back from the station.

"Fine. You've been _most_ helpful," I snarled before turning on one foot and striding towards the exit, fuming the whole way. I made my way back out into the winter wonderland that Portland had become and began re-tracing my steps.

The longer I trudged through the snow, the angrier I got. By the eighth block, however, my ire with the nurse had slowly turned to self-loathing. The truth dawned on me as I continued my trek home. _You're not good for her either, Edward. You two don't belong together._ The hollow feeling in my chest continued to grow until I turned onto my street. Once again, I had acquiesced to the power of Carlisle's influence. I could not escape his voice in my head.

By the time I reached the front door of my town house, my clothes were completely saturated and my teeth were chattering. I could no longer feel my fingers and though my toes were still dry in my L.L. Bean boots, I was not entirely sure they were attached. As my numb fingers fumbled with the key, it occurred to me for the first time, that perhaps, a twenty block hike through a blizzard was not the brightest idea.

I stumbled in and shut the door heavily behind me, mentally and physically exhausted from my day. I sat down hard on the stairs and began the long struggle to remove my boots. "Edward?" Jasper's head appeared above the half wall at the top of the stairs. "I didn't hear your car. Wow, you're soaked!" Jasper exclaimed as he came down the stairs to greet me.

"Just a little." Pain sliced through my now throbbing hands and I gave up on my boots in frustration. I lay back against the wall, closing my eyes.

"I didn't realize it was that bad."

"It's not bad. I walked home." I didn't open my eyes and the chattering of my teeth was so loud it drowned out the other sounds around me. As such, I didn't hear her soft approach until she was practically on top of me.

"You walked? In this? Edward!" My eyes flew open to see Alice standing above me, her hands on her hips. "What happened to your car?" she demanded.

"It's still downtown. I…I just…" I trailed off. I did not have the energy to regale Alice with the whole story. "I didn't feel like driving," I finally said lamely.

"Jesus, Edward, you're freezing. Jasper, take his boots off." Jasper jumped at Alice's sharp tone and quickly complied. "C'mon." She pulled me to my feet and led me up the stairs. Jasper followed us, smirking at me and shaking his head.

"You're in for it now," he mouthed as we reached the living room. I rolled my eyes quickly so Alice wouldn't see; she was too busy muttering words like "self-destructive" and "reckless." I bit my tongue to keep from uttering a harsh reply.

"You should take a long hot shower." Alice gazed at me frowning.

"I was planning on it," I said dryly. "I'm not a complete fool, Alice." I paused. "Well, not all the time anyway." Jasper gave a short cough that sounded suspiciously like a snort and I glared at him.

Alice ignored our little exchange. "We need to get you out of those wet clothes." Her maternal tone unnerved me and I immediately stepped back.

"I can handle that on my _own_, thank you very much."

She rolled her eyes at me and said, "Well, go then. I'll make us some soup while you're showering."

I nodded and trudged my way up stairs in my socks. I was still shivering a little as I turned on the hot water and waited for the steam to fill the bathroom. I peeled off my wet blazer and hung it on the back of the door. The wool was soaked and I briefly wondered if I'd ruined it.

I discarded the rest of my clothes quickly. My pants were so soaked they had been practically falling off anyway. The hot water stung my ice-cold skin as I stepped into the shower, but I welcomed the pain. It distracted my mind, however briefly. Slowly, the blood started pumping through my frozen system as the heat permeated my skin and my fingers tingled like they had pins & needles.

After ten minutes of de-frosting I finally felt normal again. I stood directly under the spray and reveled in the feel of the water pressure as it kneaded my tired and aching muscles. It almost felt like a pair of hands. _Thank God for multi-jet showers._

A sudden flash of Izzy's eyes in my mind, behind my closed lids, almost made me jump. My heart began to beat more furiously at the mere thought of her. My hands clenched into fists as I tried to not dwell on her but she was insistent. So I gave in to thoughts of her; I gave in to thoughts of her and I together, thoughts that I had been desperately avoiding. I was tired and drained from my day and too pent up and frustrated to fight the fantasy any longer. She was a constant in my dreams and my waking thoughts. She haunted me with those eyes and that body of hers.

_That body_…God, the things I wanted to do to that body.

My eyes snapped open as I realized I had started to pleasure myself unknowingly. I paused mid-stroke and thought I must surely be going mad. I wasn't even sure my injured hands were up to the task but I felt no pain now, only pleasure. So I continued, slowly.

I closed my eyes again and was rewarded with the picture of Izzy I had been imagining recently. She was in a dark blue dress which she had paired with fuck-me heels. It was exactly how I'd pictured she would look at the Christmas party. I was in a suit and we were dancing to slow soft music. The fantasy always started like this; us surrounded by a crowd that suddenly dispersed until we were the only two people left on a dimly lit dance floor. Our bodies swayed together to the music, our lips met, our hands roamed, our movements grew more intense, more frantic and more passionate.

I felt the soft skin of her neck with my lips as they moved slowly down her body. The dance floor morphed into my bedroom and I helped her step out of her clothes. Mine had vanished in an instant – _this was my fantasy after all_. I laid her on the bed and explored her body with my lips, my hands, with every part of me.

I was vaguely aware of my strokes becoming faster and my grip on myself becoming harder as in my fantasy my body hovered above Izzy's. I felt myself push inside of her, felt her open up to me and welcome me in.

Our bodies once again moved rhythmically together as they had done on the dance floor. With a movement so quick I was thrown off balance, Izzy rolled us over until she was straddling me. I pictured those piercing brown eyes gazing down at me and I was lost in her; lost to the feeling of being with her, like this. Her own movements became faster as she rocked back and forth on top of me, bringing us closer to the edge of a cliff I was almost fearful of falling over.

I pulled her to me and kissed her hard as she came undone. I exploded inside of her, both of us coming together, hard, fast and passionately. The feeling spread throughout every fiber of my being and I felt myself smile against her lips. I held her close to me and dissolved in her arms, safe, warm, loved…_weak, vulnerable._

I was ripped from my fantasy as my mind brought back my father's words. _Look at what love did to him. _I could easily picture the anger on his face as he studied me and, as usual, found me wanting. It was the last time I had been in that house before he died. A long weekend home from Cornell had ended with a screaming match in his office and I had told him, _You should have died, not her._ The words stung even as I remembered them, but a piece of me, as it had back then, vehemently proclaimed their truth, all the while trying to hide the chasm of pain lost in those golden brown eyes.

The high from my orgasm completely gone, I grabbed the shower gel and scrubbed every inch of my body. I concentrated fully on my task, nearly scouring my skin off in the process, but the discomfort was preferable to anything else my traitorous mind wanted to show me.

By the time I made my way back down to the living room, the smell of lentil soup was wafting all the way to the third floor. My stomach growled as I entered the kitchen and Alice smiled widely. "Dinner is served."

"Excellent." I smiled back and took a seat at the table where Jasper joined me. Alice carried the soup and a basket of warm rolls over and set them down.

"Dig in," she said as she sat beside us. The conversation died as we all basked in Alice's amazing dinner. After a few minutes, Alice broke the silence. "Edward, what are you going to do about your car? You can't leave it downtown, can you?"

I sighed. "No, there's a parking ban. It'll get towed if I leave it on Congress Street. I'll have to grab a cab and go move it."

"I was going to run out anyway. I wanted to pick up some things so I could pack tomorrow. If you'd like, I could take a cab down there and drive it back," Jasper offered.

"That would be perfect." I had no desire to go back downtown tonight. The mere memory of my day was dragging me further into the abyss that my mood had become. I didn't want to see the sidewalk again, remember the warmth of her skin against mine, the smell of her hair as I carried her in my arms…

"Great. I'll call a cab after dinner." I forced a smile, before I returned my focus to the soup in front of me, which I was positive wouldn't notice or care about the change in my mood.

Alice talked animatedly about our plans to visit Deering Oaks on Saturday. I kept my eyes on my bowl for the rest of the meal, unable to keep images of Izzy's face from haunting my mind. I smiled and grunted responses to her questions but my thoughts remained far from the conversation.

After dinner, Jasper set to washing the dishes while Alice and I cleared the table. I put the leftovers away and Alice began drying the dishes. I watched her and Jasper interacting: the gentle smiles and familiar looks, the way she would turn and catch him just gazing at her.

An ache I'd never felt before began to grow steadily in my chest and Alice's words from the subway found their way to the forefront of my mind. _Someday, you'll meet a girl…but then what, Alice? _Perhaps, it was too late for me. I was ruined. _Perhaps, _she_ ruined you, broke you beyond repair._ I inhaled sharply as a long lost memory, one I had tried desperately to bury forever, came rushing back.

Her eyes flashed red in the dim fluorescent light as they advanced. Echoes of the violent tremors that had wracked my body back then quickly emerged in the present and I swiftly turned away from Alice and Jasper. The oxygen in my lungs was instantly gone as the memory grew clearer. I wanted to scream, beg, anything to prevent the recollection from continuing. _She would have left you anyway, Edward._ Victoria's sickly sweet voice, a voice I had not thought of in years, whispered words that echoed in my ear twenty years after she had spoken them.

My knees gave out and I quickly caught myself on the kitchen counter before I could fall. _Weak! Grow up! Fight back!_ But even my father's stern words could not change the past, could not help the little 12 year old boy cowering in the corner. It took everything I had to fight that memory back, to force my lungs to inflate and my knees to hold my weight.

I finally managed to get my mind under control. I could still feel my hands trembling though, and I looked up swiftly to see if Alice or Jasper had noticed. Luckily, they were too busy making out so I promptly excused myself and escaped into the living room; I needed a mindless distraction. I groaned as I sat on the couch, remembering that I still had yet to replace the T.V. That would need to change and quick; once Jasper left, I would need some way to distract Alice as well or she would want to talk, _all the time_. I was still trying to re-master breathing; talking was not an option tonight.

I heard my name in low murmurs coming from the kitchen and I realized I was gently rocking myself on the couch. Fearful that Alice would catch me, exposed and trembling, I promptly grabbed a magazine from one of the end tables. There was some buxom babe on the cover of GQ and I grimaced at her expression before opening the magazine. I flipped through the pages randomly, feigning interest as Alice appeared in the entryway and praying that she wouldn't see through the mask.

She bounded over to the couch rather enthusiastically but I kept my eyes on the article in front of me, even as she sat cross-legged directly next to me. "Edward?"

"Mmm?" I kept my eyes on the page.

"Stop ignoring me."

"I'm reading, Alice."

"Edward." I sighed and afforded her a single rather annoyed glance. "That's an ad, dear, not an article."

I glanced back at the page and cursed when I saw that she was right. "All right, what do you want?" I threw the magazine back on the table and crossed my arms.

Alice flashed me a sweet smile and said, "Jasper needs your keys."

I looked up to see Jasper standing in the doorway, clearly amused by the harassment my little sister was bestowing on me. "They're on the dresser upstairs. I'll get them," I offered, starting to rise.

"No, no." Jasper held up his hands. "I'll go." As he bounded up the stairs, I could have sworn I heard him chuckling.

I settled back on the couch and Alice gave me a bright smile. I groaned inwardly and decided perhaps I did need something upstairs after all. Anything. I made to rise again but Alice grabbed my arm.

"No, stay." Her cobalt eyes pleaded with me and I promptly sat back down.

"Alice, I told you I don't want to talk-"

"Okay, we can just sit. We don't have to talk." Her voice sounded desperate but I knew silence was an impossibility for her.

"Alice." I tried to make my voice gentle.

"No, look!" She grabbed her iPod from the coffee table. "I'll listen to music; you can read your overactive bladder advertisements."

"Ha ha," I said dryly, but my sarcasm was drowned out by genuine laughter from Jasper who had returned successful from his hunt for my car keys. I shot him a dirty look and he grinned back at me. "Be nice to my car."

The innocent look that he gave me didn't fool me for an instant. "Who, me, Edward?"

"Ha. She sticks a little between first and second and go slow! The roads are much cleaner but they're still slick and be careful on the hill by-"

"Edward, I've driven a car before."

"In snow?"

Yes." He sounded offended as I narrowed my eyes at him. "Once," he finally admitted.

"Once? Now wait a minute…"

"Edward, it's a car and Jasper has driven far more advanced vehicles." Alice leaned into me and wrapped her arms around one of mine. "It'll be fine, really."

I grumbled and waved Jasper away. "I'll be back in a bit," he said cheerily before bounding down the stairs and outside to where a cab was waiting.

"It'll be fine, Edward. You know Jas-"

"No talking." Alice immediately fell silent and I felt guilt wash over me. "You promised," I whispered.

"I did." She kissed me on the cheek and gave me a soft smile before slipping her ear buds in. I sat back and pondered my evening. The magazine held no further interest for me; the empty spot where my T.V. had been glared at me in the silence. _Now what? _I was tempted to start a conversation with Alice but I knew no matter what subject I broached, Alice would find some way to bring it back around to me and my life.

I had just decided to fetch a book from the shelf in the hallway when Alice dropped a pillow in my lap. I glanced down at it then up at her. She smiled sweetly, fluffed the pillow a bit and then settled herself down. Her head was in my lap, effectively trapping me on the couch.

_It's a ploy! _I knew now what her plan was: grant me the silence I demanded and then sit back quietly until I broke it on my own, therefore giving her permission to speak. "Sneaky brat," I murmured but I couldn't help but smile down at my baby sister. _She's persistent. You have to give her that._

"What?" She pulled out one of the ear buds and furrowed her brow at me. I merely shook my head. She shrugged and went to put the ear bud back in place. She hesitated and then silently offered it to me. I looked at and figured, _What the hell?_

I had no idea who she was listening to so I resolved to focus on the lyrics and then the steady beat that drove the song, rather than break the silence and ask.

_I just want to feel safe in my own skin  
I just want to be happy again  
I just want to feel deep in my own world_

I tried to keep the words from cutting through me by wondering how Alice always knew what was going on in my head. The singer's voice seemed to be expressing my fears, playing them out for my sister to hear. Alice didn't need me to talk; she had found a song to speak for me.

_On a different day  
if I was safe in my own skin  
then I wouldn't feel lost and so frightened  
but this is today and I'm lost in my own skin  
and I'm so lonely I don't even want to be with myself anymore_

And that's what I was: lost and lonely, the scared little boy on the beach. I had lost my lifeline, my Bella, long ago and now, just as I had caught some glimmer of hope, it had been cruelly ripped away. I was drowning, but Izzy had been a glimpse of the shore, my chance at rescue. I could swim towards her with all my strength but the riptide would win; the riptide always won. Some things can't be fixed. _You're just unlovable, a pathetic little creature. Bet they wish _you_ were dead. _I cringed as a flash of red curls resurfaced in my mind and a fresh wave of pain washed over me.

I was ripped from my internal anguish by the sound of Alice's cell phone. She sat up abruptly and handed me the iPod. I quickly began flipping through the songs, anxious to find something to distract me. I was pleased to discover Arcade Fire and quickly switched to _Neighborhood #1 (Tunnels)_ as Alice answered her phone.

"Hello? Hi!" Alice gave a genuine smile and I wondered who had called but chose not to interrupt. I leaned back into the couch and listened to the alternating voices of my sister and Win Butler.

"No, thank you so much. It's all right. No, not really. I _am_ worried."

_And if the snow buries my  
My neighborhood  
And if my parents are crying  
Then I'll dig a tunnel  
From my window to yours_

"I know. But it's gotten worse." Alice's voice dropped and I briefly wondered again who she was talking to. "I don't know. I…I doubt it. All week. I don't know what to do."

_We let our hair grow long  
And forget all we used to know_

_Ah, to forget all we used to know. Would be nice, wouldn't it, Win?_ Images of memories better left behind echoed through my brain in time with the drums. Alice was still talking and my curiosity grew. The conversation sounded intimate, familiar. "I don't think that's a good idea. No, I really don't think he would." My eyes were still closed and I could feel myself slipping in and out of awareness.

_You change all the lead  
Sleeping in my head  
As the day grows dim  
I hear you sing a golden hymn_

"My head is _all_ lead." I hadn't realized I had spoken aloud until Alice turned to me.

"What? Edward, what did you say?" I opened my eyes, dazed.

"Um, my head is all lead. No hymn here," I murmured before resting my head back on the rear of the couch.

Alice stared at me blankly and it took me a minute to remember she could not hear the song playing in my ears. "'My head is all lead.' I have no idea."

"It's a song."

"He says it's a song. Yes, he's listening to my iPod. No, Jazz had to go pick up Edward's car." I felt Alice stand up and wander out towards the kitchen. I wondered if she was leaving so she could talk about me with this mysterious stranger, but I did not have the energy to follow and find out.

Snippets of Alice's conversation still floated out to me, mixing with the music. "I really don't think he will…he doesn't know much, nothing, really…Well that's your decision…destructive…all this way in a blizzard…I don't know what to do."

_Then we think of our parents  
Well, what ever happened to them_

"They're dead, Win," I replied to the empty room. "Dead and gone." An overwhelming sense of loneliness rushed over me and I quickly fought it back. I focused again on Alice's conversation, hoping to stem the pain brewing in my chest.

"…just like you said. No, you're…He's hurting…I know…doesn't trust…He won't. I've tried. What if it doesn't? No, I don't think that's a good…No, really, he won't…"

_Purify the colors, purify my mind  
And spread the ashes of the colors  
Over this heart of mine!_

It was a plea, a silent plea, drowned out by Alice's protests which had begun to grow clearer. Ash to fertilize my heart, to teach me how to love again. "I just, I really don't think he will. Well, that's despicable. How do you expect to get anywhere?" She had wandered back into the entryway and was staring at me from across the room.

I opened one eye and stared back as the last notes of my song faded away. Alice still hadn't moved when the first lyrics of _Neighborhood# 2(Laika)_ reached my ears. _Whoever he is, he's giving her an earful._ I smiled at the thought and rested my head back on the couch.

"No, all right. You're right. Yes, he was. Are you sure?" Her question came out as a whisper and the worry in her voice made me look up. "I know. Yes. Okay." Alice stepped towards me. "Edward?"

"Alice." I was still looking at her trying to figure out the concern, the fear that was now splashed across her face. "Alice, what is it?"

She sighed and held the phone out to me. "Someone wants to speak with you. Please don't get angry. I didn't plan it like this. I didn't even know…" She broke off but continued to hold the phone in between us. "Edward, please," she said at last.

I took the phone tentatively. "What…who?" I couldn't form a complete question so I just stared at Alice, her cell phone resting in my hand.

"Just…please don't hate me."

I sighed and lifted the cell phone to my ear. "Hello?"

"Edward?"

**Hmmm, well this should be interesting… No rec's today because RL has been very busy. Please see my previous chapters' A/Ns if you're looking for something fabulous to read.**

**Please, please, please review! Even a simple smiley face (or frowny face o_O ) means more than you know.**

**Next update should be 7/20ish. Hearts!**


	13. Chapter 12

**A/N**

**Much love and devotion to my beta and wifey, Bee (irishtwificster) who, incidentally, also updated today (Go read The Write Stuff! She's one epilogue away from being complete. Help her break 1k before WriteWard is done)**

**And love and boobiesnuggles to my sis, Veronica (ladyeire72) for being my sounding board. *cough* read her fic! *cough* **

**This is an angsty chapter. You may need tissues. And here we go…**

**Chapter 12**

_**I'm sorry I forsake you  
I'm sorry that I left you  
I'm sorry I did forget you  
And I'm sorry that I made myself feel better  
By making you feel never good enough  
I know you'll shine much brighter than I ever could  
Maybe that is why I was**_

_**Scared of you (and in everything I do I'm still thinking of you) oh, you  
And I know you were scared of me (but everytime I tried to love you I just  
fell through) too**_

_**Scared of You –**_** Nelly Furtado**

My mind went blank when that voice echoed in my ear. _What? Why?_ "Dr. Laurie? Is there some problem with the estate?" I was genuinely confused with Alice's introduction to this phone call. _Why would…_ I sighed heavily as my father's oldest friend answered both my questions.

"No, Edward. I'm calling on another matter." He hesitated and I knew immediately. That tone, I remembered _that_ tone, gentle, probing, from my childhood. I waited for the standard "Let's talk about school/the fights/your mother" that had started every session my father had forced me to go to.

Dr. Laurie had been one of my father's closest friends. They had worked together at NYHQ; Carlisle as a neurosurgeon, Tim as the general psychiatrist. Naturally, as my mother's health had declined and she had eventually succumbed to the cancer, my father had turned to Tim. Carlisle, ever the doctor, had thrust Alice and me at him, thinking we could talk away the pain of such a devastating loss through therapy.

I had hated the sessions, the constant questioning, and steeled myself for Tim's prodding queries now. He chose a different route this time, however. "Edward, first I would like you to know Alice was dead set against this."

"So why did you call _her _first? You have my number if you wish to speak with me."

"I called her merely to see how she was doing. She is my patient and I was worried about her."

"Your patient? Since when? Why?" Alice had been freed from the sessions long before I had. "Well-adjusted" they had called her, before looking at me with pity-filled eyes and shaking their heads. "So angry, such a temper." I had heard the whispers, seen the looks my teachers had given me. The painful memories stung as red curls danced before my eyes once more. I wondered at the fact that memories of _her_ and a phone call from my childhood therapist had both come to me tonight. _Clearly, the world hates me,_ I thought bitterly.

Tim paused before answering me. "Alice started seeing me again about a year ago. 'Why?' is a question you will need to ask her."

I racked my brain for reasons that Alice would need to be in therapy for over a year but none came to mind. "So why do you wish to speak with _me_?" I glanced up at Alice who still stood a few feet away, her whole body trembling. I resisted the urge to shoot her a dirty look. _Even Alice would not have stooped this low. This was all Tim._ I was sure of it as I watched my sister shake in fear. It was painful to see so I dropped my eyes back to the floor in front of me.

"Edward, your sister is worried about you."

"I know. Her worries are…unfounded."

"Be that as it may, they seem to be impeding us from making further progress. As I said, Alice was quite reluctant to have me speak with you directly, but I insisted. I'm sure you've noticed her increased anxiousness?"

"If you're referring to her insistence on inserting herself into my life, then yes." I couldn't keep the hint of bitterness out of my voice, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Alice flinch at my words.

"I trust you realize she does it entirely out of love for you."

Tim had a way of saying things so bluntly, you could not disagree. I sighed deeply as guilt washed over me. As irritating as my baby sister could be, I knew deep in my being that Alice was a person, perhaps the _only_ one, who truly loved me; certainly the one who loved me most. "Yes, I know," I finally admitted quietly.

"Go easy on her please, Edward. She's…in a very fragile state."

"What do you want? What can I do to help Alice? I don't even why, why she's even seeing you, Tim."

"Go ask her that, Edward, and please, hear her answer. Listen to her; be supportive. She's terrified of your rejection, Edward. You're all the family she has left."

"I love my sister." My tone was defensive; I didn't like his implications that I _rejected_ Alice. I heard Alice exhale softly; I hadn't realized she had been holding her breath.

"I know you do, Edward. Now, Alice needs to know that. This particular experience was nearly her undoing. Please be gentle with her. Hear the whole story."

"I will." My mind raced through possibilities once again. _Go ask Alice._ Jasper had told me to do the same. A year, a year she had been in therapy and I'd had no idea. A year since she'd quit that gallery. _Nearly her undoing…_

"Call me please, Edward, when you've talked." His voice pleaded with me through the phone line. "For both your sakes."

I sighed heavily but agreed before hanging up the phone. I stared at it in silence for several minutes, unable to articulate my questions. Finally, I raised my gaze to meet Alice's. Her dark blue eyes were filled with fear and tore at my soul. _She's afraid of you, Edward. _

"We need to talk, Alice." My words sounded strangled, but they shattered the silence that had settled between us.

"I know." She walked towards me nervously before taking a seat on the couch as far from me as she could. She curled up into a ball, protecting herself with her arms wrapped around her legs.

I took a deep breath and my gaze returned to my hands; I couldn't bring myself to look into her tortured stare any longer. _Where do I start?_ Talking about other people's feelings was second to talking about my own feelings on my list of most hated things to do. Feelings were private, personal. _One should be able to handle these things on their own, not involve others_, I thought stubbornly. Needing others was another sign of weakness and thus forbidden in my eyes. I chuckled silently as I realized this was likely the reasoning that five and a half years of forced therapy with Dr. Laurie had not warranted much progress. . I wondered now, if Dr. Laurie realized the extent of my father's role in my inability to be "fixed".

Alice was still trembling two feet away from me. I cleared my throat and she jumped in fright at the small noise. "Alice, what are you so afraid of?"

Her eyes remained on the floor and she began twisting her fingers together as she fought for the courage to answer. "I don't want you to hate me, to be mad at me," she finally whispered.

"Hate you!" I narrowed my eyes at her. "Alice, I have never hated you. How could you think that?"

She stilled and her cobalt eyes met my Kelly green ones. "You hate weakness, Edward, and I'm, I'm…" Her face fell back to the floor.

"Oh, Alice." My chest ached as the tears rolled down her cheeks. "Alice, I could never hate you-"

"But you think I'm weak, Edward, and I know you hate weakness. You can't deny it."

I sighed. No, I could not deny it. All my life, I had constantly pushed Alice to be stronger, to be tougher, harder. _No excuses, Edward. Push yourself harder._ I gave a soft cry as I realized everything I had hated about my father: his constant drive, the way he rode me to excel; it was exactly how I had treated Alice. I had become Carlisle Cullen. Adrenaline, rage and confusion coursed through me and were slowly followed by acceptance. _Fuck!_

"I'm trying to be stronger." Alice's voice brought me back to the present. I looked up at her, still dazed from my realization that I was truly my father's son. "I mean. I've been forceful, trying to make you talk and all. Probably too forceful. Dr. Laurie said getting you to open up would be a very difficult and slow process. I'm just terrified, Edward. I feel like I've lost you and with Dad gone..." I felt the warmth of her small hand curl into mine and I squeezed it gently.

"I know and we'll…we'll talk about it." The idea petrified me but I would force myself to endure it, for Alice's sake. I would give her just enough to make her feel safe enough to leave me, to go back to New York. _She _should_ go back there, live a happy life with Jasper, stay away from my toxic-_

"Do you mean it?" I could see a glint of hope in her eyes and I refused to crush it.

"Yes…you first," I said jokingly. She gave a small smile. I heard her breathing accelerate as the silence began to grow between us again.

"Alice, why are you seeing Tim again?" I finally whispered.

Her voice sounded timid as she answered, "Felix."

"Who is Felix?"

She paused. "An ex-boyfriend."

"What did he do to you?" Alice remained quiet. "Alice, please. Was it…a bad breakup? Did he yell at you? Did he hit you?" I caught her flinch as the word "hit" fell from my lips and I inhaled sharply. "Alice, did he _hit_ you?" My mind reeled. _Did he do something worse than hit her?_ I couldn't bring myself to voice that fear. I stopped breathing entirely as I awaited her answer.

She refused to look at me as she gave a short nod. I tried to control the rage that consumed me. _If I ever find this Felix guy…_ It took me several minutes to get my temper under control enough that I felt safe continuing the conversation. "So, he hit you and you left him. Alice, that doesn't make you _weak_."

"I didn't leave him." Her voice was muted.

"What?"

"I didn't leave him. I stayed."

"Why would you-" I cut myself off mid-sentence and tried to focus on Dr. Laurie's words. _Be gentle with her._ _Hear the whole story._ "Alice, you need to tell me everything. Please."

She nodded softly and though her face was still flecked with fear, she began. "I loved that job at the art gallery. I know it made you proud of me and I adored the work. I suppose it didn't pay terribly well but it was fun. I loved the art." She smiled to herself briefly but her expression quickly melted into pain.

"I met Felix there. He was one of the junior curators; fresh from NYU with an M.A. in art history. He was sweet and charming and ruggedly handsome. Everyone said we were the perfect couple, and it _was_ perfect for awhile…" I held my tongue and waited for the darkness to descend.

"We moved in together after only a few months. Why wait? It was meant to be. I began planning a huge, white wedding." I wanted to urge her on but bit my tongue and waited.

"He came home from work one day and we had a fight. We'd fought before but nothing like this. He was raging, screaming and flailing his arms." Her voice broke and she buried her face in her hands.

"Alice, stop. You don't need to if you can't-"

"No." The steel in her voice surprised me. "Tim was right. I need to tell you everything. I can't expect you to be honest with me, to open up to me, if I can't do the same."

"Alice, that doesn't matter. You shouldn't-"

"Edward, I _need_ to." I shut my mouth and let her continue. "I said something, something aggravating, no doubt. I shouldn't have pushed him. I-"

"DON'T!" My voice echoed through the small living room and, once again, Alice jumped. "Don't you dare blame yourself for this, Mary Alice!" Alice eyes widened as she stared at me in shock. "That woman-beating, no good, son of a bitch should rot in hell. Don't you dare blame yourself for his fucking actions!" I was seething; my hands were shaking in anger and I desperately wanted to punch something.

I stood, unable to sit still a moment longer, and began pacing the living room floor. Alice's shock turned to worry as I clenched and unclenched my fists with each hissing breath. "Edward. Edward, please. It's okay. _I'm_ okay."

"Obviously, you're not! You've been in therapy for a fucking year. You're afraid of me," I burst out. The irony was not lost on me and I struggled to control myself, to not scare her further. She needed to realize it was Felix I was angry with, not her**.** I paused, mid-stride and asked a question. I was so terrified of her answer, my voice was barely audible. "How long? How long did you stay?"

The silence loomed between us and I felt dread rush through me. "Two months," she whispered.

"Oh, Alice," I said softly. We had both taken to whispers as though we were attending some sort of funeral. _The death of innocence, I suppose._ "How many times?"

She shook her head. "I lost count."

"What did he tell you? I don't…I just don't understand." I collapsed back on the couch in defeat, burying my face in my hands.

"He cried at first. He would apologize for days; buy me flowers, jewelry. He would tell me about how the senior curator rode at him work and threatened to fire him and…" Alice trailed off and I looked up at her. "After awhile he stopped bothering. I made his excuses for him. _I_ would comfort _him._"

I looked away in disgust. The thought of this bastard… I was nauseous and shaking as I asked her, "What made you leave?"

"He pushed me down the stairs of our apartment building and I broke my ankle. He had wanted…" Alice broke off. She swallowed hard and forced herself to continue. "He locked me out of the apartment and refused to answer the door. I didn't have anything: my cell phone, my wallet. A neighbor let me use her phone. I had to call Daddy. I had no other option. Daddy got me out of there. He wouldn't even let me go back and pick up my things. He sent a couple of younger doctors from the hospital." Alice laughed quietly. "They were big burly guys. I hope they scared the shit of him."

I struggled to remember hearing about Alice's ankle. "You told me you broke your ankle falling on the back steps." I vaguely remembered a phone call long past. _Christ, Edward, were you even paying attention to what she said to you back then?_

"I lied. I asked Daddy to lie too; don't be mad at him." She reached for my hand and I wrapped it in my own.

"Why didn't you tell me? I would have sued his ass for everything or, or-"

"I was scared of how you would react, Edward."

"You thought I'd hate you?" I turned to face her, hoping she would hear in my tone how absurd that belief was.

"Well, yes…and no." I stared at her intently, demanding more. "I…honestly, Edward, I thought you'd go after him. I was so scared you'd get yourself in trouble, lose your license to practice or end up in jail."

"Alice, though I won't deny the thought of beating the living shit out of this fucker pleases me immensely, I'd like to think I'm intelligent enough to keep myself out of jail." I chuckled humorlessly.

"Well, I guess..." Alice paused and looked reluctant to continue.

"Alice?"

"It's just that…I, I remember the fights, Edward." Now that Alice had started, she seemed unable to stop and rushed on. "I remember you coming home from school every day, beat-up and bleeding. Daddy was so mad. And that boy, James, he nearly killed you, Edward. I remember Daddy pulling you out of school."

I jerked my hand back as soon as I heard his name. Alice gasped slightly at my reaction. "Dad didn't pull me out of school; they kicked me out." My voice was strangled and I could barely get the words out.

"I just didn't want you to go looking for a fight," Alice said softly.

"I didn't start those goddamn fights!" I snarled at her. It was a knee-jerk reaction and my anger had nothing to do with Alice but the rage that surged through me at her implication was uncontrollable.

Alice shrank back against the arm of the couch and I sat there, trying to get my temper under control. It was an old anger that coursed through my veins now and mixed with a new fury that was directed both at Felix and at me. I was angry at my father, at Tim, at every teacher who had taken _their_ word over mine…

The sound of the front door closing made both Alice and I jump. "I'm back!" Jasper's voice floated up the stairs and he quickly followed. "The car survived," Jasper said, grinning as he tossed me my keys. I caught them, dazed, and watched his grin fade as he took in the sight of Alice and me.

Alice was pale as a ghost and still curled up in a ball on the far end of the couch. My hands still shook in anger and the keys rattled so loudly in them, I finally tossed the whole key ring onto the floor. "What's going on?" Jasper demanded quietly. "Alice?" He was instantly at her side.

"It's okay, Jasper." Alice took a deep breath. "I told him." Jasper shot me an accusing glare. Alice frowned. "No, I had to, Jazz. It's okay. He reacted as I thought he would." The resignation in her voice, the fact that she "knew" how I would react hurt more than I thought possible.

Jasper put his arm around Alice protectively. "You should have waited until I was here. He upset you. You shouldn't be-" Jesus, even Jasper knew I was what was upsetting her.

"No. Jasper, I'm fine. It's all right. I…I brought up something that I probably shouldn't have." She turned to me. "I'm sorry, Edward. I shouldn't have mentioned James." I shook my head, still unable to speak.

"Who's James?" Jasper asked, glancing back and forth between Alice and me. I felt my breathing accelerate even as Alice shushed him. Flashes of a pack of hungry wolves, disguised as children, advancing on me had me damn near hyperventilating.

"Edward!" Alice pushed Jasper aside and quickly moved to my end of the couch. I flinched as her arm touched mine and immediately stood up. "Edward?" I turned away from her blue eyes that were rapidly filling with tears.

"I need to go to bed. I have to work in the morning." I waited for them to take their leave; Jasper rose, but Alice remained where she was.

"Edward, you promised." Her voice was so heartbroken; I couldn't even look at her. "Edward," she pleaded.

"Fine." I was practically snarling. "What do you want to know?" I saw her give Jasper a poignant look out of the corner of my eye. He hesitated and shot me a warning look before turning and making his way to the stairs.

Alice waited until he had disappeared up the stairs before continuing. "Why did you react like that?"

"It doesn't matter. Next question." I was being cold and bitter, and I knew it.

Alice flushed but continued. "Are you mad at me?"

"No. Next."

"You _sound_ mad at me." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"I'm _not. _Move on, Alice."

"Why did you get kicked out of school?"

"For fighting. You already knew that, Alice."

She hesitated, debating on her next query and I stood there, frozen, as if preparing for an assault. That's what it felt like. She didn't know, of course, but she was ripping open old wounds; injuries that had never properly healed.

"You said that you didn't start those fights," she began. _Goddamn it. _Of all the dark pieces of my soul for Alice to start digging around in, she had chosen the deepest, the most shameful. _Ask me about all the women I've fucked. Ask me how I enjoy leading them on only to crush their hopes later. Ask me anything but this. Please, Alice._

"So they started them?" I nodded curtly. "Were they bullying you? Why didn't you tell Dad or Tim?"

"Enough. We're done." My voice was hoarse. "Go to bed, Alice." I sat back on the couch, refusing to look at her. I reached for the pile of pillows and blankets, effectively signaling an end to our conversation.

She rose in silence and started towards the stairs before turning back. "Edward, I-"

"I said enough, Alice." I saw her cringe as my harsh words cut through her, but she stayed her ground.

"I know," she whispered. "I just wanted to say that I love you. Good night." She kissed me on the top of my head before silently retreating to the stairs. I caught her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze as she walked away.

_Good night. I love you, Alice._ I couldn't get the words out before she slipped up the stairs and was gone.

I tossed a pillow onto the couch and punched it a few times, trying to blow off steam. It didn't help and I wrenched my hands through my hair, crying out as the movement pulled on my stitches. "God Damnit!"

I collapsed on the couch, physically and emotionally exhausted. My hands had begun to throb and I curled up under the blanket, feeling infinitely sorry for myself. _Pathetic, Edward. You're a disgrace. _

I lay there and tried desperately to block out my day but images continued to haunt me anyway: Izzy's hurt face, Alice's tears, Victoria's cruel laughter, James' sneer as he advanced. The last image, that of a small bronze-haired boy cowering in a corner, brought equal amounts of pain and anger. _Get up! Fight back, you useless, weak coward!_ My heart raced at the memory and I was overcome by nausea.

My palms grew clammy as the recollection unfolded. I almost cried aloud as the small boy took a punch and then another. I remember, in perfect detail, the first kick that had landed; it had cracked a rib. My eyes grew damp and I tried frantically to slow my breathing. I was rocking myself before I even realized I had sat up.

I could hear Alice and Jasper moving around over head. Murmured voices, too low to make out, filtered down the stairwell. I focused on them, attempting to bring my mind back to the present, to break free of the prison of my memories.

It took several minutes before I could even slow my rocking motion enough to break the death grip my arms had on my legs. I was finally able to uncurl my body. The rest of my body now ached in time with my throbbing hands, as my muscles began to slacken.

I lay back down and prayed for sleep but my eyes shot open as I remembered my promise to Tim. _Call him back in the morning,_ part of me begged. I needed to sleep, to be done with this day. _He'll just call Alice._ I bolted back up when this occurred to me.

She would tell him that we talked and how I had reacted to hearing of Felix. _But if the conversation lingers…_ She would tell him of my reaction to the mere mention of James' name. He would call me back, dig deeper, maybe even enlist Alice.

_No!_ I reached for the phone. _I_ would call him. I could control what he needed to know about me. There was no need for James to even be mentioned in this conversation. He had nothing to do with anything anymore. That was past, over, done. If my sister and my subconscious would behave, I never needed to think of him, of Victoria, of _any_ of them again.

I took a deep breath to steady my nerves before dialing Tim Laurie's home number.

"Hello?" I almost hung up. "Edward?"

"Tim."

"Edward, are you all right?"

"Alice," I began before my voice broke.

"I know." He sounded like he _did_ know and, truthfully, Tim was practically family. There was no reason he wouldn't feel the same way I did about what had happened to her.

"It's my fault." I was shocked as the words tumbled from my mouth.

"Edward, you cannot blame yourself for this. I know it-"

"No, it is." I couldn't seem to stop myself now that I had started. "It is my fault. Alice didn't want to quit her job because of _me_, because she thought I would react exactly how I did. She stayed with the bastard so I would be proud of her. This is all my fault."

Tim remained quiet as we both digested my words. He finally broke the silence. "You're father said the same thing. _He _blamed _himself_ for the relationship. He thought he'd pushed Alice into taking the job."

Part of me wanted to turn the blame on Carlisle; what was one more thing to be angry at him for? But I couldn't, not this time. I was far too tired to be angry at my late father, the man I had unknowingly come to resemble so much.

"I'm turning into him." I felt like I had just admitted to murder and my breathing quickly accelerated.

"That's not as bad as you think it is, Edward."

"I can't, I don't..." I was nearing hyperventilation again.

"Edward, breathe. I know this is a very hard thing for you to understand and accept, but your father was _not_ the monster you thought he was. He made mistakes, Edward. He was human, but he loved you very much, far more than you ever realized. I know he didn't always show that in the best way; in fact, I know there were times he didn't show it at all. But he _did_ love you, Edward. You and Alice _were_ his life."

"I…I don't know," I finally whispered.

"I don't expect your feelings to change overnight, Edward. Just please understand that there are sides of your father that you never saw, perhaps regretfully." My brain had started buzzing as my day finally caught up with me. The conversation was too much; I couldn't handle any more. "He was as worried about you as Alice is."

"Why?" I burst out. "Why now, Tim? Why are you calling me and dragging this up? I can't handle this right now. I can't-"

"He asked me to watch out for you two. Not a month before he died, he admitted to me how anxious he was and begged me to keep in touch with you both, should anything ever happen to him. Maybe I should have approached you when you were in New York, but I thought it was better to give you some time to process Carlisle's death. I know how…troubled your relationship was."

"I can't handle this right now," I repeated.

"Okay, but please, Edward, understand that you cannot continue to run away. Nothing can stay buried forever."

"Fine," was all I could manage, before saying goodbye and hanging up. For the second time that night, I stared at a phone, overcome. The sound of a snowplow passing the house started me back to reality and I sighed heavily.

I tossed the phone on my new coffee table and lay down. I reached for a copy of _Fahrenheit 451_ that lay on the table. A soft smile worked its way across my face as I opened it to find Bella's beautiful brown eyes gazing up at me. I had taken the old Polaroid in and had it restored and a new print made. Now the picture was just of her beautiful face, smiling at me sweetly. As soon as my room was returned to me, Bella would take her place of honor on my nightstand.

"You'll keep the nightmares away," I whispered to the photo as my eyes closed. Just before I fell asleep, another pair of brown eyes crossed my mind and I longed to see them happy. "Flowers for Izzy," were the last words I spoke before I succumbed to a deep and dreamless sleep.

'_**Cause we are broken  
What must we do to restore  
Our innocence  
And oh, the promise we adored  
Give us life again  
'Cause we just wanna be whole**_

_**We are broken**_** – Paramore**

**Next update should be the 30****th****. Please review? By the way, thank you so much for helping me brak 330! You guys are amazing. :)**


	14. Chapter 13

**Thank you as always to my lovely wifey, IrishTwiFicster, and my darling sis, LadyEire3. They pwn me. I effing heart you, ladies.**

**So it's about time we got to know Isabella, no? The next two chapters will be quite revealing, I think. Enjoy.**

_**I have this very silly fear, dear diary, that one day I'll be old without ever having really been young. I wonder if it can happen that quickly or if I've ruined my life already. Do you think life can get by you without your even seeing it? **_**Go Ask Alice**

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**Chapter 13**

I cursed as my purse landed on the floor of the hallway, and, for the second time that day, everything tumbled out. I slammed the key into the lock, still muttering obscenities. As the door swung open, I steadied myself on my new crutches and knelt to pick up the contents of my purse.

It took me longer than it normally would have as I was attempting to balance on one foot while hastily shoving all my crap back into the small bag. Finally, I slung it over my shoulder and rose. I inhaled sharply as the hairs on the back of my neck stood up. I spun, a little unsteadily, and my eyes roamed the hallway. It was empty, of course, and my inner bitch took the opportunity to scoff at my overactive imagination. Despite her mocking words, I felt a shiver run down my spine and I hurried, as well as I could manage, into my apartment. I shut the door quickly and locked it behind me, deciding my extremely long day had left my nerves on edge. Hobbling to the couch, I dropped my purse on the floor and then threw my tired body down onto the threadbare but soft cushions.

I sighed heavily and leaned back, closing my eyes in exhaustion. The thrill at Edward's touch, the high of being in his arms had all but vanished, leaving me empty and colder than the winter wind that whipped through the city outside.

The silence in my apartment was deafening though and I soon sat up. My emotions were churning and I was completely overwhelmed. Anger, despair, confusion; they raced through me, mixing with the throbbing of my thankfully-not-broken-but-still-badly-sprained ankle as they went; Edward's last words provided the accompaniment. "You're not good for me." I felt like I was on some nauseating roller coaster and I had no idea how to get off.

Well, I had one idea…some way to break through the gloom that had blossomed in my brain. I reached for my purse and dug through the mess it had become after two trips to the floor. After several minutes of searching, I finally found what I was looking for. Lodged between a cherry Chapstick that had lost its cap and a slightly squished pack of gum was the paint.

"Cerulean blue," I murmured as I pulled out the metal tube. Its coolness against my fingers briefly reminded me of Edward's touch and I shook my head, trying to dispel the effect the very thought of him had on me. I reached for my crutches and hobbled my way into the bedroom. I opened my tiny closet and grimaced at the mess. My apartment had very little storage space beyond the bedroom closet and as such, it no longer held just clothes. _I should clean this out_, I thought as I lowered myself to the floor. I sighed as I realized, a bit too late, that I might not be able to get myself back up.

"Oh well." Resigned to my fate, I crawled into the closet to fetch the box I was seeking. It was one of the smaller ones and had been tucked all the way in the back. _A secret shame._ "Shut it," I told the cruel voice as I dragged the box out of the closet.

I smiled softly to myself as I opened it, the cruel words from my past completely forgotten. As I threw the box top aside, I was rewarded with a rainbow of colors: fire engine red, saffron yellow, forest green. Dozens of shiny, unopened tubes of paint filled one side of the box. I added cerulean blue to the mix and then skimmed my hand over the soft bristles of the paintbrushes that crowded the other side of the box. Most were unused; I hadn't painted in years.

I gave the paint one last smile before closing the box and pushing it back to its place beside an old suitcase. This was where it belonged now: hidden away in a closet. I had moved it there after an old ex-boyfriend had asked me about my painting when he caught sight of all the supplies in my living room. It had been his first visit to my apartment, and when he had burst into laughter at my admission that I didn't actually _use_ the paints, it had quickly become his last.

Truth be told, I had no idea _why_ I bought the paint. I had painted when I was younger. I could remember writing little stories and illustrating them as far back as the age of 5. _Dumb little hobby_, a voice inside me snapped and I slammed the closet door shut.

The voice was right, of course. The publishing world was cutthroat enough as an editor. There was no way I could survive as an author/illustrator. As such, I hadn't bothered painting since college. _Not since he said…_

I hastily shut down that memory and another took its place. Less than a year after I had moved to Maine, I had been wandering the Old Port and I'd seen a tube of green paint. It had been the exact shade of the sea after a summer storm, and for some unknown reason I had _needed_ to have it. I had given myself the excuse that perhaps it would inspire me to start painting again.

It hadn't, but it did earn a place of honor on the small desk in my living room where every time I spotted it, I gave it a quiet smile. Several months later, a tube of cornflower blue caught my eye and joined it. Now, shopping for paint or brushes made me happy. It had become a sort of tic, a safety net, in case some day I was brave enough to venture down that road again.

I sighed and, with a heavy heart, attempted to right myself. My ankle was throbbing and I desperately just wanted to crawl into bed and end the day. I failed miserably at standing and was forced to crawl to my bed and pull myself up. I reached down for my crutches and then hobbled my way back out to the living room.

Some more digging in my purse netted my cell phone and my iPod. I threw those in my pocket and then reached in and grabbed a small white paper bag. I headed for the kitchen and snagged a bottle of water from the fridge. Deciding I should eat _something_, I quickly opened the cupboard next to the microwave where I always kept a box of Saltines. They weren't there.

"What the hell?" I almost gave up on them but a quick hunt found them tucked in beside the pasta, 2 cupboards down. They were almost gone, which did not improve my mood. I grabbed the half sleeve that remained and clutched it and the paper bag in one hand, while carrying the Poland Spring bottle in the other.

I shut off the lights in the kitchen and hobbled down the small hallway to throw the deadbolt on the apartment door. A shadow appeared under the door as I approached it and I nearly screamed in surprise. As it was, I inhaled sharply and whoever it was continued down the hallway.

"It's an apartment building, Izzy. Get a hold of yourself." I shook my head at my high-strung reaction. Thankfully and somewhat oddly, my inner bitch kept her mouth shut so I threw the deadbolt. I turned to go back to my room, but the creepy feeling that had fallen over me when I'd arrived home suddenly returned. I glanced back at the door to my apartment, but the shadow did not reappear. A feeling of déjà vu crept in, but I shook it off. I hurried to my bedroom as fast I could on my crutches, determined to forget the whole matter.

After helping myself to a few of the pain pills in my little white bag, I lay down and closed my eyes. I tossed and turned as the pain in my ankle neared excruciating. Rosalie had filled the prescription from Dr. McCarty at the hospital pharmacy, and for that, I was extremely grateful. I had a sneaking suspicion, however, that Motrin 800 was just glorified ibuprofen, and it did not seem to be having any effect on the throbbing in my ankle.

In a desperate attempt to draw my mind off of the pain in my ankle, I thought back to my conversation with Rosalie. She had taken a quick lunch before coming back to check on me. I had been fairly sure that her concern for me was only part of the reason she had taken a more personal approach to my care. My suspicions were confirmed when I saw the change in her around the handsome giant of a doctor who was attending to my ankle.

Dr. Emmett McCarty had looked like he could be a linebacker for the Patriots, but his touch and his sweet demeanor more akin to that of a kindergarten teacher. He had been kind and gentle but with a sparkle in his eye. I had immediately seen why Rosalie was attracted to him. His cool fingers on my overheated skin had not elicited the same reaction as Edward's, but it was soothing nonetheless.

"Didn't quite land that triple axel, eh?" had been his opening line as he walked into the room I'd been brought into.

"I fell on the sidewalk, Dr. McCarty," I had admitted sheepishly. His grin was infectious and had quickly spread to my face as he took a seat on a stool and, rather goofily, rolled to my bedside.

"Call me Emmett."

"Izzy."

"Well, Izzy, you're going to have to come up with something better than that. You should tell people you tripped fifty feet from the Everest summit or bravely battled the abominable snowman or something."

I had laughed out loud and then lowered my voice and whispered conspiratorially, "Well, if you must know I was defending myself against a vicious werewolf."

"_Badass_! That's a girl. Now let's get you x-rayed."

Rosalie had joined us when I was being wheeled back to my room. It was then that I saw the look on her face as she gazed at Emmett. That tough girl exterior melted just a bit in his presence and a hint of vulnerability had shone through. The light in Rosalie's eyes made me think of my own reaction to Edward and of the look that haunted _his_ green eyes whenever we were trapped in each other's gaze.

The infectious joviality that had radiated off of Emmett in the flesh, and even echoed through me now at his memory, quickly vanished as my thoughts returned to Edward. "You're not good for me." His parting words had cut far deeper than I would have thought possible.

I had played the scene over and over again in my head as Emmett wrapped my ankle. My internal scrutinizing continued when he left to procure me some crutches. I had been completely lost in my thoughts when Rosalie cleared her throat, breaking the spell.

"He's going to take some work, hon."

"What?" I had looked at her, briefly terrified she could read my thoughts.

"Cullen. You're hung up on him." She had stated it as an undeniable fact. I had sighed as I remembered how my mother always said I was an open book.

"Maybe. Why?" My tone had been defensive and I'd half expected Rosalie to snap a response at me.

Emmett must have brought out her softer side because she had just smiled softly and said fairly apologetically, "I'm just saying, sweetie. You look…inexperienced. You should know it'll be a long road with that one."

I had blanched at her assumptions about me and was forced to bite my tongue to keep from snarling at her. She had seen the look on my face and quickly raised her hands defensively. "I didn't mean anything by it, Izzy. Really, I'm sorry. That was out of line."

"You'd be surprised what I've experienced," I had murmured before leaning back against the pillow and turning my face away from her.

"Look…" Rosalie had sighed before continuing quietly. "You learn a lot about a person when they show up in your emergency room, drunk and in pain."

"He was drunk?" Rosalie had grimaced a little at my question but nodded stiffly. I had wondered then if it made a difference to me if he had been drunk that night. _No,_ I had firmly decided. _Alcohol does not change _who_ you are; it just breaks down the walls._ That was a concept I was all too familiar with.

"Anyway," Rosalie's voice had brought me back to the conversation, "I was lucky enough to see a glimpse of an Edward that, I think, not many people have seen. He's got quite a wall up there…"

I had nodded softly, my eyes still on the blood pressure cuff hanging on the wall. "It slips a little, you know, when he looks at you." Her words had been quiet but certain and my heart leapt at the declaration.

Emmett had returned then, effectively ending our discussion. He had given me follow-up instructions and the prescription, which Rosalie had then taken to fill. Emmett had helped me up onto my new crutches and given me a quick lesson, before warning me to be wary around werewolves in the future.

His quip had brought a smile, but it had been somewhat forced. I had left then, heading, rather unsteadily, towards the waiting room. Rosalie had been waiting, the white paper bag from the pharmacy in hand, when I arrived back in the lobby. "Your cab will be here any minute." She waited for me to take a seat before handing me the bag and lowering herself into the chair next to me. "Be careful on the sidewalks. I don't want to see you back in here, Isabella Swan."

Her tone was so maternal; I had smiled in spite of myself and given her a solemn nod. Her face had softened then and her voice dropped. "Izzy, about what I said earlier. Look, that was probably out of line, but I thought you should know. Edward…he reminds me a bit of me, actually. I know a thing or two about walls." Surprised by her honesty, I gave her a soft smile. "And that boy has built himself quite the fortress. Like I said earlier though, it starts to crack when he's around you. I saw that the moment he looked down at you, sitting in that cab. You'll have to break down those walls to get to the real Edward and it will take time."

Her voice dropped and she sounded almost sad. "Just remember, Izzy, walls are probably not the only defense mechanisms he's got. Take care of yourself." She had been called back to the nurse's station then to attend to a new arrival. I had been left to my own devices until the cab arrived a few minutes later.

A twinge in my ankle as I shifted under the covers brought me back to the present. I rolled onto my side and stared at my alarm clock. I was appalled to see that it was nearly midnight. I had been lying here, restless, for hours. Edward's voice still haunted me, and, anxious for a distraction, I reached for my iPod and quickly plugged it in. Not caring what I heard as long as it drowned out his words, I threw it on shuffle and settled back onto my pillow.

I realized my mistake a moment later as the steady beat of one of my favorite love songs filled the room. I didn't have the energy to change it so I allowed myself to wallow in the deep melancholy that seemed to haunt my love life. My ankle continued to throb and I had just finished a really shitty day. _A crying jag is well deserved tonight._ I received no protests from my inner bitch and it did not take long for sobs to rack my body in time with the Greek inspired beat.

_Hold my hand and we'll make it all right__  
__From this hell that we live in_

_Is that too much to ask? A hand to hold through the dark times?_ I curled myself up into a ball as a cruel voice reminded me that I had _had_ a hand to hold long ago… And Jacob had held my hand constantly. He had always needed to have a hold of me, it seemed. He had walked me to every class and would be waiting for me afterwards. He would drive me to and from work; he'd even visit occasionally during my shifts. Just making sure I wasn't bored; that had been his excuse.

Jacob had insisted on helping me pick out my classes, even switching some of his so we could be together. He had talked to my advisor in my junior year when he wasn't able to get into one my classes. My advisor had suggested some alternative class so we could be together all semester…it had been overwhelming, but I had been young and unsure. To be honest, I still didn't know what love was supposed to be. _Should you lose yourself in the other person? Is it supposed to be so stifling?_ Years later, that sort of love still didn't feel right.

Jacob was the jealous type; this much I had ascertained. I had told myself it grew from his deep love for me. He had rarely left my side and hated when I asked for time by myself. It had often felt like he had loved me _too_ much…

It was a love I had not been able to return, despite years of trying. I hugged myself closer as the image of Jacob in the rain at the small Port Angeles airport came back to me. We'd been having issues, I had needed space and he had refused to give it. I had told him it was just a trip; that I was just going to Maine to check out a long shot job opportunity that I wouldn't get anyway. We could work on our issues when I returned.

I had known long before I'd boarded that plane that Jacob and I were not meant to be. I could not love him as he loved me and stringing him along was unfair to him. I had tried to make a clean break; he had thwarted every attempt. I don't think he had ever believed I would really leave him. That was probably the only reason he had allowed the trip to Maine.

It must have been Charlie's grief on the day I had left or perhaps some little thing that my roommate Angela had said; either way, something clued Jacob in. He had realized I was lying and followed me to the airport. His words had been cold and cruel. "Don't lie to me, Izzy. You suck at lying. _I_ know what's best for you."

"Jacob…Cubby," I had pulled out the old nickname that always calmed him when his temper was riled. "Cubby, I need some space. I can't do this anymore. This relationship isn't working anymore."

"You've got to have a little more confidence in us than that. It's insulting," he had snarled. I had finally admitted then that I was planning on staying on in Maine. His rage at my words had terrified me; the hand-shaped bruises on my arm had not faded for weeks.

My first few months in Portland, I was terrified that he would come after me and demand I come home. He did not come, but I had not breathed a sigh of relief until I made it through my first trip back to Forks. I didn't see him once throughout my entire stay for the holidays. The idea of hurting him had pained me, but I had not been able to see any other way to get out from under his domineering love. I felt my mind begin to drift as the tears rolling down my cheek dampened my pillow. I fell asleep as the last strains of Eileen's Song reached my ears.

_So my friend now this I say  
I won't leave you hangin' on  
Hold on tight and don't fly away  
'til one angel we have become_

One thought haunted me as I drifted into unconsciousness. _Did I fly away from the only angel who could ever love me?_

* * *

I woke early the next morning. My ankle was on fire and throbbed horribly. I nearly fell trying to stand up with my still unfamiliar crutches and quickly decided a long weekend was well deserved.

After hobbling to the kitchen to fetch a fresh bottle of water, I called into work to let them know I was taking a personal day. I made my way back to my bedroom and took a few more pain pills, before curling up in bed. I was asleep again before my eyes were fully closed.

I awoke the second time to the midday sun streaming in though the small window of my bedroom. I had cried aloud and jarred myself from sleep. I sat blinking in the bright sunlight as images from the vivid dream I had been having filtered through my mind. I was panting from the intensity of it.

"A boy," I whispered; my voice seemed to echo in the small room. The boy I had seen in my vision at the beach, the same one who had flickered through my mind as I was caught in Edward's gaze, had played the starring role in my dream. His bronze untidy locks and sad green eyes left my chest aching. I could almost feel his gentle hand still encasing my own. I was surprised when the dream did not slip away as mine often did. The memory of the boy, of his beautiful and heartbroken face remained clear, and I reached back into my mind, anxious for more. I could not recall his name or why his eyes were so sad.

After several minutes of trying, my stomach reminded me that my dinner the night before had been sad, to say the least, and that my fast should have been long broken by now. I sighed and gave up on my attempt to retrieve the rest of the dream. The pain in my ankle had dulled slightly, a fact I was greatly appreciative of. I swung my legs over the bed and reached for my crutches before standing.

I made my way out to the kitchen and went in search of the bread. For some reason, I had felt the need to put it in the fridge rather than the bread box the last time I had used it. Rolling my eyes at my own flightiness, I threw a few pieces of bread in the toaster. I threw the kettle on and called it good. Tea and toast were all I had the energy for this morning.

_It's a step up from Saltines,_ I told myself as I took a seat on the couch. I debated what to do with my day while I waited for the toaster. I had no energy or desire to venture out. Me plus crutches was a bad enough idea as it was. Adding ice would only exacerbate the situation.

As I mentally wandered my apartment looking for something to occupy my time, my thoughts kept returning to the closet in my bedroom. It had definitely reached "overflowing" status; I was fairly sure there were boxes in the back that had not been opened since I'd moved in here four years ago. _Time to clean it out,_ I admitted. My plans for the day decided, I hobbled back to the kitchen to retrieve the now-whistling kettle and some peanut butter for my toast.

Several hours into the project, I began to worry it would become my plan for the evening as well. I had given up on the crutches and had been reduced to crawling into the closet and dragging boxes out, one at a time. I would then rifle through each box and sort things to keep and things that could be tossed. Most of the boxes contained more than a fair share of memories, and I had spent a great deal of time reminiscing as I cleaned.

It was nearly twilight as I reached the final unopened box. It had been shoved in the back corner next to the suitcase and my paint box. I coughed a little as I hauled it out and unleashed a small cloud of dust. I opened the box to find several tired looking books. The topmost layer contained old textbooks from college. I laughed as I tossed them to the side, wondering if it was even worth donating them to someplace. Ten years was an awful long time in the textbook publishing world. There had been probably been at least six new editions published since I had stepped off campus for the last time.

I finished sorting those and dug deeper into the box. I gasped softly as my fingers felt the cool metal of a heavy, spiral bound book. I pulled the familiar sketchbook from the box and ran my fingers along its worn dog-eared cover.

My eyes grew damp as I opened it to find my old drawings. My cheeks were streaked with tears as I flipped through the sketches, the story lines, the dream that had been center stage in my life for so long. I had at least 6 or 7 children's book ideas in this one sketchbook alone and each had full illustrations.

I laughed rather bitterly as the old memories came flooding back. Drawing, painting, writing had been the main source of joy in my life for so long. It had been my escape as a child, my outlet as a teen, my goal as a young adult. It had been my happiness, my purpose…_my silly little pastime._ Jacob's words came back to me, and I felt the pain of them anew. _Izzy, they are cute, really, but don't you spend an awful lot of time on this dumb hobby? Shouldn't you be focusing on school, on a real career? Don't you want to spend your time with _me? My inner bitch snarled as his words floated across my mind but the damage had already been done many years prior.

Under Jacob's critical gaze, I had set my pencils and brushes down in lieu of spending more time with him. I had never picked them back up. _You have a long weekend at home,_ a small voice inside of me whispered. _That's plenty of time to pick up an old hobby._ The idea frightened me a little; was painting and writing like riding a bike? Could I really just pick it up again? But as the thought expanded and the voice grew louder, my chest began to ache in need. Suddenly, I longed to paint, to draw, to create again. I missed the sharp scent of oil paint, the musty smell of charcoal.

_But what-_ I cut that thought before it could bring more doubt. I _knew_ what I wanted to draw and as I focused on the sad, storm green eyes from my dream, more of the story began to fall into place. _Two children on a beach…_ I anxiously flipped to the back of the sketchbook, pleased to find a few blank pages left. Some more digging in the bottom of the box rewarded me with an old graphite pencil. It was little more than a nub, but it would do.

I was lost in the process of sketching those eyes before any new doubts could arise.

Saturday, I ventured out briefly to buy a new sketchbook, a small can of turpentine and a large canvas. Locking myself back in my apartment afterwards (my nerves were still shot from my pathetic scare the day before), I spent hours drawing the boy, over and over. His face haunted my dreams and I tried desperately to capture the grief in his eyes. His name and the reason behind his grief still eluded me, but I could picture him sitting by a tide pool. I could see him walking along the beach next to a girl in a yellow bathing suit.

She was less important to me; it was the boy who held my fascination. Sometime late Saturday night, a small pail began to appear in my drawings. The second I saw it, I knew it belonged there. _It should be bright, a shocking red or orange maybe…_

I painted late into the night Saturday, despite the constant throbbing of my ankle. Painting while sitting was difficult for me; I liked being able to step back and survey my work, but I forced myself to make do.

Sunday was spent much the same way. I finally finished the portrait late Sunday evening and, exhausted, collapsed into bed. My clothes were still on and paint was still streaked in my hair, but I immediately passed out.

I awoke Monday morning, still fully dressed and bleary-eyed. I rose quickly, remembering I had to work today, and nearly fell out of bed. My ankle was still sore but it had gotten considerably better over the weekend. I was still dependent on the damn crutches though and I hobbled my way to the bathroom for a shower.

It took ages to get the leftover paint out of my hair. I had scrubbed my hands with turpentine the night before, but traces of bronze and stormy green still remained on my skin. The bathroom was well steamed and smelled of my favorite body wash when I finally deemed myself clean enough. I carefully hobbled out of the shower and grabbed a towel before heading back into my bedroom to dress for the day. Like the shower, dressing took longer than usual as well, so by the time I made it out to the kitchen, I was already late. I grabbed my purse from the kitchen counter and hurried out the door, praying my cab wouldn't be late.

Work was monotonous. I fell back into my routine a little begrudgingly, but only after I had managed to convey the story of my accident to nearly everyone in the office. I had tried to spice up the story as Emmett had suggested but "I slipped on the ice and fell" is hard to expand on, so I told them the truth and then escaped to my popped in to check on me a few times but mostly I focused on my work.

Darlene was kind enough to fetch me a sandwich from Steward's from lunch and we ate together in my office, chatting about our weekends. I admitted that I had dabbled in some painting and was relieved when she didn't look at me as though I'd grown a second head.

"Painting? Lucky, I've never had an ounce of artistic talent. Have you always painted?" She looked at me, confused.

"Not in a long time," I said, setting my sandwich down. "I painted and drew when I was kid. I quit in college though." My voice sounded sad and I was thankful when Darlene did not ask the reason for quitting. I resumed eating as she regaled me with tales of what her idiot brother had done at the family dinner.

We had just finished our lunches when one of the other junior editors knocked on my office door. "Izzy? You have a delivery. Can I send the guy in?"

"Sure, Jack. Thanks." He stepped aside and a young man carrying a vase of flowers made his way to my desk.

"Ms. Swan?" I nodded and he set the arrangement down on my desk. "These are for you. Enjoy."

I thanked him and blushed as Darlene fawned over the flowers. They were lovely; a mix of daises, carnations, baby's breath and one single red rose. It was all set in a simple clear vase and I reached for the card, slapping Darlene's hand away just in time. My cheeks were redder than the rose as I read the five simple words.

_**I'm sorry. Can we talk?**_

I stopped breathing as my eyes fell upon the signature. One letter. _God, could it be-_ I cut myself off mid-thought, lest I be wrong. I was so overwhelmed though, I did not see Darlene sneaking around my desk until she was snatching the card from my hands.

"Ha! I knew it! 'C' for Cullen! Izzy, he sent you flowers!" I felt my cheeks catch fire as Darlene gushed about Edward. She immediately demanded a full account of the time we had spent together. We spent the remainder of our lunch hour analyzing every detail from Thursday's encounter.

Darlene did offer me a bit more insight into Edward's painful last words to me, which I had only admitted under threat of torture. "He said 'You're not good for me'?" I nodded and kept my eyes on the floor as she mulled it over. "This was after you mentioned his parents, yes?"

"Yeah, he clammed right up when I spoke about them."

"Well, I wouldn't do that again. Maybe he's a private person and he opens up more around you than he feels comfortable doing. I can't imagine what else he could have meant by 'You're no good for me'."

I felt a little better at Darlene's suggestion. I had hoped that the reasoning behind Edward's words were something to that effect, and, though we both may have been wrong, the fact that Darlene and I had come to the same conclusion pleased me.

The rest of the afternoon passed uneventfully but slowly. It was until 5:00 rolled around that I admitted to myself that I had been hoping Edward would call. _He said he wanted to talk. Why not call me?_ As I packed up and left the office, I convinced myself that Edward probably did not want to interrupt my work day. _Maybe he'll call during my lunch hour tomorrow. Maybe I should call him… _I giggled at the thought, knowing full well I would never have the nerve.

I gave one last glance to the bountiful bouquet before heading out to my waiting cab. I had decided, rather resentfully, that trying to maneuver myself, crutches and my purse was hard enough without adding a fragile bouquet of flowers to the mix. As such, the flowers were staying here for the night. Darlene had already promised to accompany me home the following day with them in tow. The card, on the other hand, was tucked safely in my purse.

I thanked the cab driver and fished out my keys before hobbling up the stairs to my apartment. Halfway there, I cursed myself for not finding an apartment building with an elevator. I finally made it to my apartment and quickly unlocked the door. I was careful this time not to dump my purse, and I succeeded in making it into the apartment without any catastrophes, despite my hurrying. The feeling of unease that had come over me when I had returned from the hospital on Thursday had crept up on me again as I'd unlocked my apartment. I shook it off and hobbled down the hallway to the living room.

I was so distracted by the apprehensive feeling, I had nearly forgotten about my painting, still sitting on an easel in the middle of the room. I switched on the living room light and was taken aback by the brilliant colors that covered the canvas. I gasped aloud and dropped my purse on the couch, before walking slowly towards it. My eyes grew damp as I took in the beauty of the bronze-haired, green-eyed boy whose portrait now dominated my living room.

His sad smile made my heart ache as I gazed at him. I longed to reach out and comfort him, to save him as the act of painting his portrait had saved me. And it _had_ saved me. Some old part of me, buried and forgotten, had been awoken by this dream. A piece of me long dead had risen again. I felt nearly whole again, and it was thanks to this beautiful, green-eyed boy from my dream. I smiled at him and whispered, "Thank you."

**DING DONG**

The doorbell scared the shit out of me and I nearly lost my balance and fell over as I spun back towards the front door. "Who the he-" I inhaled sharply as I remembered the words on the card. _Can we talk?_ "Shit. Edward wouldn't come here, would he?" I glanced around my living room, appalled at the thought of Attorney Cullen seeing my closet-sized apartment filled with worn furniture and the occasional dirty dish.

The doorbell rang again and I cursed. On crutches, I was far too slow to make any attempt to pick up before I answered the door and I trudged, rather dejected, to the door. "I'm coming," I called as the doorbell rang a third time. I reached the door and looked down to check my appearance. I straightened my shirt, which was slightly wrinkled from the long day at work. A few fingers through my hair was all I could manage, before resigning myself to my fate and pulling the door open.

He stood there, nearly filling the small doorframe. His features were cast in shadow but I knew them immediately. I felt my lungs stop working, an all-too-familiar feeling of late, but for an entirely different reason this time.

"Hey, Izzy."

"Jacob."

* * *

**The song Izzy listens to is **_**Eileen's Song**_** by Burlap to Cashmere. The video can be found on my blog or the song is available on iTunes. It's lovely. Go have a listen.**

**Next update should be around the 9****th****. Thanks :)**


	15. Chapter 14

**A/N**

**Hello all. I apologize profusely for the lateness of this chapter. My laptop died (*sniff*) which was akin to loss of limb for me. But, it is all better now and we are back on track!**

**So, much love to my beta, my wifey, my bloggy boss, my better half, IrishTwiFicster, who will soon be bringing us more of her fabulousness. (In the meantime go read her fics-they're brilliant). **

**And now...**

**Chapter 14**

**Izzy (Bella) POV**

I felt my mouth go dry and though I opened it to speak, no words came out. My lungs were still screaming for oxygen. The effect was making me dizzy while leaving it impossible to speak.

"Hey, baby." Jacob propped himself against the door frame and smirked at me. As I stood there, frozen in shock, Jacob leaned in closer to me and I caught the stale scent of cheap beer on his breath. The smell and the proximity of Jacob's face to mine jarred me from my surprised state.

I squeaked and jumped backwards out of his reach, away from those lips. I saw anger flash through his eyes but the grin on his face remained calm. "J-Jacob." I had finally found my voice and my inner bitch was rearing to have her say. "Jacob, what the hell are you doing here?" Not as strong as I'd hoped it would be, but at least I had managed to spit something out.

I watched his smile begin to fade at my words and his eyes went cold. "What? I can't visit my…friend?" I heard him hesitate on the word "friend" as that old familiar ire rippled through his voice. The sound of his anger, subdued as it was, still had me desperately trying to keep my hands from shaking in fear. Jacob's temper would be all the worse if he had been drinking.

"I haven't seen you in nearly three years," I said. "You were just in the neighborhood?" My inner bitch was starting to tremble but I still managed to fill my words with sarcasm. It made me sound much stronger than I felt and she cheered me on from whatever corner of my mind she was now cowering in. Bitch or not, she was still _me_, after all, and Jacob's temper had always alarmed me.

"Maybe I was _just in the neighborhood._ Either way, you're being rude. Shouldn't you invite me in, Isabella?"

"I can be rude if I want," I mumbled petulantly as Jacob pushed his way past me into the apartment. He chose to ignore my comment and strode down the hallway.

I sighed heavily and slammed the apartment door a little harder than necessary before following him. I hurried as quickly as I could on my crutches and found Jake in the kitchen, helping himself to a bottle of water from the fridge. He then made his way to the cupboard where I kept the pasta.

"Don't you have any crackers?" Something about the way Jacob said it, like he knew there _must_ be crackers, sent a chill of fear racing through me but I did my best to ignore it.

"I finished them a few days ago. I haven't gone shopping yet." Jacob shook his head before re-opening the fridge. He grabbed some cold cuts and then peered deeper into the fridge with a confused look on his face.

_Tell him to leave. Tell him he's not welcome. _"Jacob-"

"Where's the bread?"

"It's in the bread bo- Jake, what are you doing? You can't just walk into someone's apartment and help yourself."

"You're not just _someone_. You're my Izzy." He must have noted the disgust on my face because he set down the water and walked over to face me. Jake traced his finger down the side of my cheek. I leaned away from him, but my precarious balancing on the crutches would not allow me to step back.

I stiffened and kept my eyes on the fridge as he leaned in closer. His hot breath reeked of alcohol, and it tickled my cheek as he whispered, "Would you prefer it if I called you Bella?"

I inhaled sharply as my childhood nickname fell from his lips. "What? How…" My heart was racing as he gazed at me seductively. I tried to push his hand away from my face, but he was too strong for me. He stepped closer and I fell in my haste to get away from him. I landed with a soft thud on the kitchen floor; my crutches were not so graceful, clattering to the floor loudly.

Jacob frowned down at me. "That's your nickname, right? You don't like it?"

"That was my nickname when I was _seven_, Jacob," I snarled up at him. _Bella_, my beautiful name that I had changed so many years ago. My parents had fought constantly when I was young and, more often than not, it had been about me. I had hated hearing them sneer my name, hurling it back and forth as though it were a weapon with which they could wound each other. In a fit of anger at eight years old, I had insisted on being called Izzy, and, from that point on, I stopped answering to "Bella." It had stopped sounding right, anyway. And the way _Jacob_ said it… It was like he was tasting the word, wrapping his tongue around it, owning it… I shuddered.

"Well, _I_ like it." He glared down at me. "You can be my Bella." Jacob reached down to pick me up off the floor, but I ripped my arm from his grasp.

"I am not _your_ Bella! How did you even find out about that nickname, Jacob?" I racked my brain, trying to figure out where he would have learned it. The only person in our circle of college friends that may have known would be Angela. Though Angela was not fully aware of everything that occurred between Jacob and me, she knew enough. She had never been fond of Jake and I could not imagine her telling him something so trivial. I doubted she had even kept in touch with Jake after college.

Jacob's rough grip on my wrist as he yanked me to my feet brought me back to the present. "Ow!" I glared at him and rubbed the dark red, finger-shaped marks on my wrist as I waited for his response.

"Your dad told me," he said, ignoring my reaction and the bruise that was already starting to appear.

"Charlie?" Jacob had only met Charlie a few times on college breaks. I couldn't fathom why a childhood nickname would have come up in conversation-

"Yeah, he mentioned it once when we were fishing." Jacob looked frustrated. His temper had not reached the surface though and my inner bitch tentatively stepped forward, eager to push Jacob's buttons. I opened my mouth to snap back some retort but stopped short as Jacob's words registered.

"Fishing? With Charlie? When did you ever go fishing with my father, Jacob?"

"Just a couple of weeks ago. We go every few weeks, actually." _Jacob went fishing with Charlie? They go every few weeks? _Jacob had only met my father two or three times during the time we had dated. _That doesn't make any sense. What the hell is he talking about?_

Despite the fact that our homes were only miles apart, our worlds had remained separate until we had met in college. Jacob and his family lived on La Push Reservation so Jacob had attended school there. I had split my time between Charlie's in Forks and Renee's in Phoenix so our paths did not cross until I was twenty and away at college in Seattle.

"Jacob," I fought to keep my voice calm and steady and continued, "Why were you fishing with my father?" I felt my heartbeat accelerate though I wasn't quite sure _why_ the idea of Jacob and Charlie spending time together bothered me. I was confused as to why Charlie hadn't mentioned it to me as well.

"We've been spending a lot of time together, Izzy. He and I have a lot in common, you know. Plus, I thought…" Jacob trailed off but I didn't have time to wonder at the incomplete thought before he continued. "Anyway, now _we're_ together so _we_ can chat. Hey-" Jacob paused and glanced around the room. "Where are they?" He side-stepped me and headed back out of the kitchen.

I didn't stop to wonder what he was looking for. His use of the word "together" made me nervous. It sounded like he meant more than that we were in the same room. My breathing threatened to become erratic as I suddenly, desperately, needed Jacob gone. This was my home, my safe place, and it had instantly become threatening with his presence alone.

In mere minutes, I had been reduced to the girl I was when Jacob and I had been a couple. Feelings of inadequacy, fear of his disapproval, and doubt in my own wisdom, all washed over me. Jacob brought out all of my insecurities. _He brings out the worst in you,_ my inner bitch said pointedly and I couldn't honestly deny it. The fear that had clouded my thoughts on Thursday night: _Did I fly away from the only angel who could ever love me_, returned to the forefront of my mind again. _But love should bring out the best in people…shouldn't it?_

"I don't know," I whispered to no one in particular. I tried desperately to slow my rapid breathing before following Jacob deeper into my apartment with a heavy heart.

I could see the disapproval in Jacob's face as he took in the shabby state of my small apartment. It wasn't much, but it was the first place I had been able to afford comfortably on my own. Whatever pride I had felt about my home quickly dissipated under Jacob's disgusted glare. My eyes fell to the floor as I hobbled my way into the room.

He scoffed and I felt my cheeks burn in preparation of whatever cruel remark he had for me. "You're still _painting_?" His words were dripping with maliciousness and amusement and I inhaled sharply as I recalled the beloved painting, still sitting on its easel in the middle of my living room. My eyes quickly sought the green ones that sparkled with life despite the flat paint. They offered me no comfort this time, however; my inner demons had taken flesh and were now standing in between me and my safety net.

Jacob shook his head and turned back to me. He quickly took on a mocking tone. "What's _his_ name?" _Edward._ The name popped into my head and I barely had time to stop myself before it tumbled out of my mouth.

"Eh-I don't know. It's just a painting." But I was sure, for some unknown reason, that the boy's name _was_ Edward. Terrified that Jacob would dig deeper and press me for details, I kept my mouth shut. I couldn't have him learning of the real Edward. _Transference_, I told myself. _The hair, the eyes; they're the same as Cullen's. That's all it is._ I quickly dismissed the idea of naming the boy in the painting.

Jacob sighed and shook his head again. He turned back towards me and I tensed. His hands, so alien to me now, grasped mine and I had to work hard to cover the cringe that threatened to escape.

"Izzy." His voice was condescending, that of a parent chastising their child. My inner bitch snarled quietly at his tone but I could not keep my eyes from dropping to the floor submissively. I could still hear his voice playing in my mind from all those years ago. _I know what's best for you, Isabella…I will take care of you…Just let me make the decisions._

Back then, I had often wondered if I should have been making those decisions myself. It had started small: where to go to dinner, what to eat, who we should hang out with. Then Jacob was choosing my classes, commenting on my clothes, how I wore my hair. Occasionally, I had protested, but then something I had chosen, some decision_ I_ had made on my own would blow up in my face. Jacob would remind me why it was better to let him be in charge. His reminders had often turned to ridicule. Jacob's cruel words had kept my inner bitch at bay then and, even now, the memory of them had her trembling.

"Look, Izzy, you already know how I feel about the painting and your little stories. You like it. I get it, but you can get so obsessive with it. Don't you think you should be concentrating on your job now?"

I huffed at Jacob's audacity. "I'm not sure what my job has to do with anything, Jacob. I'm doing fine at work, thank you very much."

"That's not what I hear." Jacob straightened to his full, very intimidating height, made all the worse because I was hunched over on crutches. "Charlie says you're losing your job."

"I'm…it's a lawsuit, that's all. Plenty of companies deal with lawsuits all the time. It's not a guarantee that I will be unemployed, Jacob. I don't even know why Charlie bothered to tell you that. It's none of your business."

"It _is_ my business, Izzy. I care about you and if you're not concentrating fully on your job at a time like this, it could reflect poorly. You shouldn't be distracting yourself with these stupid little hobbies! I know you don't want to hear this, but you need someone to take care of you. You _need_ me, Izzy. Jesus, you can't even remember to do the shopping!"

"Jake-"

"No, Isabella. No arguing. Look, I know you needed your space. You wanted to go out and stretch your wings, and I've let you, Izzy. Isn't it time you forget this silly dream and come home? Charlie misses you and I miss you. Come home so we can be together."

"Jacob, you haven't seen me in three years. What the hell brought this on?"

"That's not true. I saw you last winter," Jacob said quietly. His features softened and I was reminded of all the times when Jacob had been sweet and fun. I recalled how one soft look from him had been able to crack the walls inside me. I caught a glimpse of the lost little boy, the one who had always broken down my barriers, shattered my resolve and sapped my will power. I quickly averted my eyes, fearful of falling for his tricks again. _Not again, not this time!_ My inner bitch prepared herself with bricks and mortar, armed for a fight. _God, I hope she wins._

"What? When?" Jacob's eyes flashed with ire and I immediately steeled myself for his retort as the angry side of him quickly returned.

"At the diner in Forks, with Charlie. You two were eating dinner. You had a salad with a side of garlic bread. You were wearing a blue sweater and jeans. You had your hair half up, the way I like it, and it shimmered when you laughed. You looked so beautiful, Izzy. I thought you knew I was there. I was sure that you could feel my presence, that you knew, somehow, I was near." He looked angry at the fact that I hadn't any idea he had been spying on me.

"Ja-"

"And I saw you at the Newton's store. You bought Charlie some fishing equipment. You looked so lost. I wanted to come in and show you which things to buy, but I resisted, Izzy. You bought the wrong brand." He frowned and then continued to regale me with each and every time he had seen me on my last trip to Forks. He then told me of sightings during other visits I had had over the years. My mouth went dry as Jacob admitted to following me on occasion. "I needed to know you were safe. The roads were bad and…" He listed numerous excuses as to _why_ he had to keep an eye on me, to follow me, to-

_Stalking, Isabella, it's called stalking, _my inner bitch said softly. I felt my body go numb as the realization settled over me. I had always known, I suppose, that Jake had the potential, but hearing him admit it scared the shit out of me. _He has to leave…_now.

"Jacob, I'm really tired and my ankle hurts."

Jacob glanced up as I interrupted his rambling. He nodded mutely and turned towards the door but stopped. "Izzy, where are the flowers? I thought sure you'd bring them home with you. Why would you leave them at the office?"

"The flo…" My heart dropped as I realized the "C" did _not_ stand for Cullen. The only bright point of my day quickly disappeared into the dark abyss that seemed to be shadowing my life of late.

"Yes, the flowers." Jacob gave me a strange look. "Charlie said that you liked daisies. He told me you used to make daisy chains for everyone when you were little. You used to sit in the backyard for hours during your summers in Forks. You would tie little white flowers together and run up and down the street giving them to neighbors. I wanted to remind you of a better time, Izzy…Bella."

"Stop calling me that." My voice was shaky but angry. "Jacob, I think it's time you left." Despite my strong words, my eyes dropped to the floor. I would not be able to keep my resolve if Jacob's temper bared itself.

Jacob opened his mouth to respond but I turned towards the hallway before he could ask to stay. He followed me to the door, his mouth set in a grim line, as I unlocked the apartment door and opened it.

Jacob's anger was thinly veiled as he paused just inside the door. "Isabella, I know my being here is a surprise. I don't know why you're acting like this-"

"Acting like this? Jacob-"

"No, Izzy. Don't argue. I understand that you're confused, you're not sure what to feel right now-" I tried to protest, but Jacob cut me off. "I love you, Isabella, so I'm going to go, let you think things over. I'll talk to you tomorrow." He was out the door and down the hall before I could retort.

I slammed the door again and threw the deadbolt. Hobbling back down the hall, I felt the tears building. I managed to throw myself down on the couch and drop my crutches on the floor before my tear ducts unleashed a torrent that had been building since I had opened the door to find Jacob.

I curled up in a ball and cried for nearly an hour. I couldn't stop the violent sobs that shook my whole body as everything came back to me. Everything I had tried to forget, everything I had tried to run away from, seemed to have followed Jacob here and now lay at my feet.

I had no idea how to convince Jake to go home, that we would never be together. Despite my fears, there was still a nagging doubt somewhere in the back of my mind that Jacob was my only chance. I tried to fight it but it would not recede, until finally, gasping, I sat up and my eyes met those green ones.

The boy in the painting (_Edward_, my mind whispered again) calmed me. I stared into the stormy green eyes and concentrated on remembering the dream. "Sea weed," I whispered as more pieces of the hazy scene came back to me. Though the rest remained foggy, at least the beautiful dream had taken my mind off of my old demons.

I sighed heavily and reached for my crutches. As I rose to head for my bedroom, the idea of losing those green eyes frightened me. With much effort, I managed to drag the painting and easel into my bedroom and then crawled into bed, not even bothering to change into pajamas. I turned my iPod on to drown out the cruel words from the past that still echoed in the back of mind. I switched to a melancholy mix and turned it up as loud as I dared, imploring the lyrics to counteract Jacob's ridicule.

_As the bombshells of my daily fears explode_

_I try to trace them to my youth… _

_And now I'm serving time for mistakes _

_Made by another in another lifetime_

_Is that was this is? Penance for leaving him in the rain?_ My heart was heavy and could not take any more. I finally willed myself to sleep, praying that somehow I could find my way back to that beach in my dreams. _If I can just find that boy again, it'll be okay. I can make it as long as he is holding my hand…_

_In my life, I'm still not right…_

_How long 'til my soul gets it right?_

_Can any human being ever reach that light?_

I woke the next morning, fully dressed and lying on top of the comforter. I groaned as I felt the beginnings of a headache pounding in my temples. My iPod was still playing, too loudly for the ungodly hour of 6 AM, and I quickly shut it off. I was surprised I hadn't been awoken some angry neighbor pounding in my door in the middle of the night. I passed it off as luck and sat up, rather unsteadily.

As my eyes caught the stormy green ones in my painting, a painful whisper echoed in the back of my mind. _I think my mommy's going to die…_ I felt my heart break as more pieces of the boy's story came back to me.

I sat on the edge of my bed, fighting the haze that clouded the images of the little boy on the beach. I could picture him sitting beside a tide pool, tears in those beautiful eyes as he whispered the fearful words. The moment was so vivid, so real, I briefly wondered if it _was_ a dream or some long lost memory buried deep in the recesses of my mind. The idea was intriguing and suddenly I wished with all my being that it _was _a memory. That somehow, somewhere long ago, I had known this boy-_Edward, _my subconscious whispered, effectively breaking the daze I was in. I shook my head at my own foolishness.

"Transference and wishful thinking, Izzy. Get your ass out of bed and get to work," I muttered to myself as I reached for my crutches.

Two hours later, I was sitting at my desk, coffee in hand, waiting for Darlene to show up. I was staring at the flowers that Jacob had sent me and debating on what to do with them. I didn't want them; that much I knew. _I don't want anything to remind me of him._ I flinched at my own thought.

_It's cold but necessary_, my inner bitch reminded me. The problem was I had already enlisted Darlene's help in bringing them home tonight. I was unsure how to release Darlene from her promise without revealing why I no longer wanted them. I had no desire to admit that an ex-boyfriend turned stalker was back visiting.

_You could convince Darlene you just don't want her to go to all the trouble of escorting you home. Or lie and say you've decided they just won't survive in your apartment? Arrange a little accident so there won't be any vase of flowers for you to bring home?_ The last one had excellent potential and I quickly rose to "accidentally" destroy Jacob's flowers. I was certainly clumsy enough; no one would have trouble believing I had knocked over a vase, especially in an office this small. I was interrupted however, by Darlene's loud and late arrival.

"I'm here! Sorry, I'm late. The Starbucks line was ridiculous." I sighed and resumed my seat as Darlene took her usual perch on the other side of my desk. "Where were we?"

"Chapter 42, I believe," I said, reaching for a manuscript. We set to work.

We were interrupted by a knock on the door around 11. Jack was standing there, shaking his head. I looked up a little annoyed. "Jack, what's up?"

"You're pretty popular this week, Izzy. What? Is it your birthday or something?"

"What are you talking about?" Darlene and I shot each other confused looks.

Jake turned back to someone down the hallway and called, "Right here. She's the only Swan in the building." He stepped to one side as a deliveryman made his way into my office with the largest bouquet of flowers I had ever seen.

"Where do you want 'em?" he asked as I stared at the flowers, fear racing through my veins.

"Uh…um," I stammered, but Darlene was already clearing a place on my desk for the monstrosity. I blinked numbly as the flowers were placed in front of me.

"You're Swan?" he asked me, tearing my eyes away from the lush roses and the bright lilies. I nodded mutely and as he handed me a small envelope, I realized he was not wearing the same uniform as the man who had come the day before.

_Why would Jacob use different companies? _I briefly wondered. My inner bitch had a response before I had even finished the thought. _He's probably got several lined up because he doesn't want to _look_ like a stalker. _

I sighed and shook my head. My fear continued to build and I was concentrating so hard on keeping myself from trembling, I forgot to thank the deliveryman. Darlene was so busy gushing to him about the beautiful flowers that he probably didn't even notice.

When he and Jack had left, Darlene took a break from drooling over the arrangement and turned her attention back to me. "Well? Open it, Izzy!"

I remembered the small envelope in my hands and glanced down at it apprehensively. It was heavy, expensive, and far nicer than any card one normally gets with flowers. I turned it over and gazed at the script on the front quizzically.

"What?" Darlene was practically on top of my desk, eager for a look.

"It's addressed to 'Miss E. Swan'." I tried to understand why Jacob would do that but came up short. _Probably just an error by whoever wrote out the card for Jake._

"Who spells Izzy with an 'e'?" Darlene rolled her eyes and I forced a smile. "Whatever, open it already!"

I obliged with trembling fingers. I pulled the embossed cardstock out of the envelope, terrified of what it might say and unsure of how to explain the contents to Darlene. Finally, I took a deep breath and read it.

_Miss Swan,_

_I wish to offer my sincerest apologies for my behavior last Thursday. It was abhorrently rude and uncalled for. I would like to make it up to you. If the offer still stands, please join me for lunch sometime, at your convenience. I will stop by this week to apologize in person, and, if you're willing, arrange a lunch date._

_I'm sorry,_

_Edward Cullen_

I read and re-read it over and over. _The d-word! He said the d-word!_ No matter how many times I read it, my eyes continued to be drawn back to the "date" he wished to arrange. I felt adrenaline rush through me and I had the sudden urge to jump up on my desk and squeal in delight. I resisted, but I couldn't stop the blush and smile that broke out across my face.

"What? What does it say?" Darlene was beside me in an instant, leaning over my shoulder. She read it quickly and I heard her inhale as she reached the end-_the part about the date!_ I couldn't help but giggle a little as my heart raced.

Realizing that since these flowers were from Edward, I could enjoy them, I took a closer look. The arrangement was by far the largest and most beautiful I had ever seen. There were at least 18 roses, many in full bloom, that were a creamy pink at the bottom. The petals then turned to a light orange until fading into a dark red at the tips. The roses alone were incredible, but they were settled into an amazing field of tiny deep purple lilies. These were accented with tiny star-shaped flowers in white and pale pink. There were several branches of dark green leaves that balanced it all out.

The arrangement was sitting in the most exquisite crystal vase I had ever seen. I felt my heart race as I ran my finger along the design that was etched into the vase. Darlene and I sat there gazing at the flowers, the vase and the letter for several minutes. I was so lost in the turmoil of my emotions, I barely registered the commotion that was happening somewhere down the hall and I had completely forgotten about the deadline Darlene and I had to meet today.

Darlene finally broke the silence. "Well damn, girl!"

I laughed and shook my head. "Wow. We should…uh, we should get back to work," I said inhaling deeply so the fragrance of the bouquet overwhelmed my senses. "Wow."

Darlene laughed. "All right, work it is." She started back around my desk but paused as my doorway became occupied again. "Um, can I help you?"

I tore my eyes away from the signature at the bottom of the card to see who Darlene was addressing. My whole body went cold as my gaze fell upon Jacob, leaning against the door frame of my office, exactly as he had in my apartment doorway last night.

"I'm here to see Izzy." Jacob shot Darlene a smug smile before walking in and plopping himself down in her chair.

Darlene gave me an inquiring look but I ignored it. "Darlene, can you give us a minute?" She paused and then finally nodded before making her way out.

I waited until I was sure she was gone before turning back to Jacob and asking, "What are you doing here?" He was not looking at me though. His gaze was fixed on the flower arrangement on my desk, the one from Edward. "Jacob? Jacob!" I could see the anger in his eyes even before he spoke.

"Well, aren't those lovely?" His tone was calm, collected and it scared the shit out of me.

"They're just flowers." I shrugged, trying desperately to sound nonchalant.

"From?"

"What?"

"Who are they from, Isabella?"

"A friend."

"A friend," Jake repeated and I merely nodded.

"Must be a nice friend." He rose and leaned in to smell the beautiful flowers. I instinctively stood up at the same time as though to protect the precious arrangement, and Jacob glared at me. His eyes dropped to the desk and mine followed, just a little too late.

"'Miss Swan'," he read as he snatched the card from my desk. "'Abhorrently rude'." He chuckled and continued. I saw his eyes go cold as he reached the last line. His voice was thick and brimming with anger as he set the card down on my desk. "So you're dating this Edward Cullen?"

"No, he just…it's a business lunch. It doesn't-"

"Don't lie to me."

"Jake-"

"Don't lie to me! Is this what you want, Izzy?" he snarled.

"Jake, please lower your voice." I glanced nervously at my office door.

"I will not. I've waited for you, Izzy. I've waited for ten fucking years and now I come out here and you're shacking up with some rich guy."

"I'm not shacking-"

"Fuck, Izzy. Look at these flowers. God, those must have cost a pretty penny. Is that what you look for? Someone who can pay your fucking bills and then some? I notice his have a place of honor while mine are buried among your stupid books." He gestured to the flowers he had sent the day before which I had immediately stashed in a corner when I'd arrived to work this morning.

"No! Jesus, Jacob." I shot him a dirty look which pushed him over the edge. I was thankful, later, that there was a desk between us.

"That's not what it looks like to me, Isabella! It looks like your whoring yourself out. Is this why you turned me out last night? Never mind the guy who loves you. The guy who _knows_ you! My flowers may not have cost as much as his but there was thought behind them. We have a history, Izzy. You can't just throw that away!" Jacob was screaming now and flailing his arms.

I backed up against the wall behind me, clutching Edward's card to my chest as though it were some sort of talisman. Jacob froze as he realized what I held in my hands. "Money doesn't last, Isabella. True love does." With that, he picked up my beautiful flowers from Edward and threw them into the wastebasket beside my desk. I cried aloud as the crystal vase shattered into a hundred pieces. "Remember that, Isabella." Jacob stared at me intently as I gazed at the ruins of my gift from Edward.

"Miss Swan?" I looked up to see one of the building security guards standing in the doorway of my office. "Is everything all right?" He glanced nervously at the shattered vase. "Is he bothering you?"

"He was just leaving," I said firmly. I refused to meet Jacob's eye as security half led/half dragged him out of the building. When I was sure he was out of sight, I dropped back into my chair and buried my face in my hands.

I only had a minute's reprieve before Darlene was in my doorway. "Izzy, are you okay? Who was that?" Her eyes fell on the ruined flowers and I heard her gasp quietly.

"It's a long story," I said quietly, trying hard to fight the tears.

"Sweetie, are you okay? Cooper wants to see you. Should I tell him you've gone home?"

"Cooper? Do you think he heard-"

"_Everyone_ heard your…visitor. Brace yourself, hon'."

I swore and stood up, straightening my suit jacket as I rose. I tucked Edward's letter into my pocket before steeling myself for heading for what I was sure would be an unpleasant meeting with Senior Executive Editor, Allen Cooper, i.e. my boss.

* * *

**Edward POV**

I approached the small publishing house slowly, more and more doubtful with every step. _It's a bit forward, Edward. You can't just _drop_ in. You should have asked her to call. What if she doesn't want to see you?_ I tried to ignore the skeptical voice inside of me, but it seemed to get louder as I drew closer to Izzy's office.

As I reached the double doors, I nearly stopped and turned around. A sudden feeling of déjà vu came over me and I was reminded of that fateful trip to the E.R. with Izzy. _You got yourself into this; now get yourself out._ My father's advice was the final push and I strode into the building, fed up with myself over the ridiculous fear this girl generated in me, angry at myself for hurting her and eager to correct everything.

"Good morning." I afforded the lovely receptionist a smile. "I'm looking for Miss Swan."

"Your name?" I gave it to her and she returned my smile. I felt her eyes wander over me, but I, surprisingly, ignored it. My mind was too full of Izzy. "Um, one moment, please." I stood by patiently as the receptionist picked up her phone and began dialing. She froze mid-number though and stared, wide-eyed, at some commotion occurring behind me. I followed her gaze to see three security guards leading a large Native American man out of the building. The man was swearing up a storm and waving his arms like a lunatic. I was sure that, if he had wanted to, he could have easily taken all three guards. They must have felt the same; as soon as he was out of the building, the sighs of relief from the three guards were audible across the lobby.

I gave a small humorless laugh before turning back to the receptionist. She hung up the phone and said, "Miss Swan is in a meeting, sir, but her assistant will be right out." I nodded and took a seat.

Darlene appeared mere moments later and I rose and shook her hand. We exchanged the usual greetings before heading deeper into the office building. Darlene immediately launched into an apology for Izzy being unavailable.

"She had an emergency meeting with a senior executive, but I'm sure she'll be done soon. It's been quite a morning. We're all a bit frazzled," she said apologetically.

"It's not a problem," I replied. "I realize it is rather rude of me to drop in unannounced."

"Of course not! Unfortunately I have to go sort some things out. Do you mind just waiting in Izzy's office for her? I'm sure she'll be back any minute. Please, make yourself comfortable."

I opened my mouth to argue, but Darlene shut me down. She ushered me towards the office before running off in the opposite direction. I tentatively walked into Izzy Swan's office and was immediately surprised by its size. I was pretty sure the private bathroom in Kingston's office was bigger than this. It was nice though. She had little personal touches and I studied some of the photographs on her shelves. One was of a pleasant looking man holding a fish. A younger Izzy stood beside him looking less thrilled than he was about the catch.

Another was of Izzy at a baseball game. She was standing in between a man and a slightly older woman. All three are smiling at the camera while munching on Cracker Jacks. _Must be her mother,_ I decided. _They look so much alike and…a much older brother? Ex-boyfriend? Maybe it's the mom's boyfriend?_ I looked closer and was relieved to see a ring on the man's finger that was quite similar to the one that graced Izzy's mom's ring finger. _Step-dad,_ I thought triumphantly, amused by how much the discovery pleased me.

I saw another photograph on the far side of Izzy's office and, after glancing to make sure no one was watching, I walked around her desk to view it. My eyes were drawn, however, to an array of brilliant colors in the trash can. I felt my body go numb as I saw the arrangement I had bought shattered in the bottom of the can. I had spent an hour at the florist on Monday, picking everything out, writing the card; I had needed it to be perfect. I had been so sure she would forgive me.

_Well, there's your answer, Edward._ I nodded solemnly and tried to ignore the pain that ripped through me at Izzy's rejection. I stood there staring at the broken stems, the splintered glass, for several minutes. Finally, an office door shut somewhere down the hall and snapped me from my trance.

Fear overwhelmed me, and suddenly I was terrified to see Izzy, to hear her rejection out loud. The sight of the mangled flowers had said it all. I wasn't sure I could take any more. I rushed from the office, not even stopping to explain why to a bewildered Darlene who had just returned.

**Next update should be the beginning of September barring any laptop deaths. Thanks for sticking around :)**

**FYI The song Izzy listens to is _Galileo_ by the Indigo Girls.**


	16. Chapter 15

**Posting early! As always, much love to my betas, IrishTwiFicster and ladyeire72. I couldn't do it without you, ladies. ILY SFM**

**This is an angsty chapter but I think you all will appreciate the ending. That being said, there is a reference to bullying. Anyone of a sensitive nature may want to avoid the italicized paragraphs. **

**Chapter 15**

I hurried down the sidewalk away from the publishing house. The harsh wind whipped around me making me shiver. My eyes burned as I fought the bitter tears that came, unbidden. _Fuck, Edward. Get a hold of yourself! _I ordered.

The hold that this girl had over me continued to surprise me even as I fled from her. I pulled my coat tighter around me and sought another reason for the smashed vase of flowers; any other reason. _Maybe it was an accident and they were knocked over._ Images of Izzy sitting in a snow bank and falling into my arms on the day we met were both reminders that perhaps she was not the most graceful creature. _Maybe…_ I willed myself to allow it as a possibility, at least, but my mind needed more.

_Maybe Izzy is allergic to flowers. Maybe she thought they were from someone else. Maybe an angry co-worker… _I immediately thought of the burly man that had been hauled out by security. _He_ had looked like the sort of guy who would smash things. _Like you? _As hazy memories of the drunken fight with my living room returned, I quickly dismissed the idea. This led me back to Izzy destroying the flowers because she was angry with me.

I walked faster, eager to get back to the office and bury myself in work, to pretend this whole lunch hour had not happened. My mind continued to race through the possibilities; they grew more and more absurd, but as long as I focused on something other than Izzy hating me, I could control the inner turmoil.

By the time I reached my office, I had suppressed my troubling fear of losing Izzy. It was still there, in the back of my mind, but I had gained control of it at least. A perturbing thought came upon me as I headed for the double doors leading into my office building. _Perhaps flowers aren't enough._

I paused just outside. I really did not have very much practice with apologies. I did not make a habit of making amends for any wrongs I may have committed. Flowers had always kept Carol happy. As such, I had sought her advice for this bouquet, but I would be hard-pressed to do it again. I had not missed the knowing smile or the moist eyes when I had reluctantly explained to Carol that I needed to send flowers to a lady friend. _Do women always get so emotional about plants?_

I shook my head and made my way into the building. Crossing the lobby, I racked my brain for something better to give to Izzy. _Chocolate? Jewelry? No, surely one isn't allowed to give jewelry so early in a relationship…are they?_ As my mind subconsciously dropped the word "relationship", I nearly tripped and fell. _Is that what I want from her? _The thought boggled me and only made my brain buzz louder, so I promptly cast it aside and forced my mind back to the jewelry question. I knew who would know the answer to that one but I was still determined to keep Izzy's existence from Alice. I _couldn't_ tell her; at least not until I knew if Izzy hated me.

An idea popped into my head and made me stop short as I boarded the elevator. I nearly caused a pileup as the answer, so obvious, came to me. I barely heard the grumbling of the man who had run into me when I finally stepped into the elevator car. _Could I?_ I felt my heart accelerate as I debated. _It could backfire in your face and then you'll be left with nothing. _The elevator door shut, echoing softly with a foreboding clank.

I knew though that if anything could win her back, it would be this. And if it didn't… _Then you lose her forever, Edward. She will have already realized that you don't deserve her and there's nothing to be done. _I sighed and, my mind made up, stepped off the elevator.

"Carol, hold my calls, please," I managed to choke out as I reached my office. She looked up, worry in her eyes, but simply nodded.

I continued into my office, shutting the door behind me. I quickly shed my coat and tried to calm my racing heart. My father's stern face danced before my eyes and I fought the fear and anger that coursed through me. _You_ have_ to do this, Edward,_ I ordered myself.

I needed Izzy; I needed her in a way completely foreign to me. The word "relationship" floated through my mind again, scaring the fuck out of me. _ I don't know _how_ to have a relationship,_ I screamed internally. _I am _not_ that kind of guy! _ But I foresaw no other route for me and Izzy. The idea of a one-night stand actually nauseated me; this reaction shocked me to the core. If I couldn't get her out of my head now after only a few encounters, sleeping with her would only exacerbate the problem. _So it's all or nothing, Edward._

But I knew I could not just walk away; not at this point. It was far too late for that. My hope, my future, my sanity: _everything_ rested on her. If I couldn't have her (_you _shouldn't_ have her_, a voice whispered) then I had to at least know she would be safe, happy.

I took a deep breath and steeled myself for whatever would come. I opened the door to my office and attempted to insert strength into my voice. I failed completely. "Carol, can you get someone on the phone for me?"

I drove home that night still unnerved by the resulting conversation. I was unsure whether my plan would work; I wasn't even sure if I wanted to tell Izzy what I had done. _Perhaps it would be better to let her find out on her own._ Altruism, like apologies, was not something I made a habit of.

I was still debating as I climbed the stairs of my townhouse. My internal argument was interrupted, however, by the smell of Alice's cooking. My stomach grumbled and I was reminded of the fact that I had not eaten lunch today, as well as _why_ I hadn't.

Alice greeted me cheerfully, effectively distracting me from falling back into my dismal and hopeless mood. "Welcome home, big brother." She bounded over to me and gave me a peck on the cheek. "How was work?"

_Horrible. I've ruined everything. _"Fine." I gave her a quick hug. "Whatcha' making, sis?"

"Spaghetti pie. Are you hungry?"

"Starving." I followed her into the kitchen and the sight of one of my favorite meals made my stomach grumble again. "God, you're the best, Alice."

She laughed again. "Grab a plate, you brown-noser. Salad is already on the table." I smiled at her and was somewhat taken aback by the change in our relationship over the past few weeks. When Alice had insisted on accompanying me back to Maine, I had been reluctant, to say the least. Our relationship had been uneasy but it was slowly working its way towards one of comfort. I had always loved my baby sister; I had just never really realized that I barely knew her.

"What would I do without you?" My voice nearly broke as the words slipped out but I fought the emotions surging through me. I forced a small laugh in an attempt to lighten the mood I had just darkened.

"Starve?" Alice smiled knowingly at me but did not press.

"Well, I did manage to feed myself before you came along, dear sister, but rarely was it home-cooked and already on the table when I returned from work. Besides, who else but my baby sister would be so kind as to have dinner waiting for me?"

"A wife?" Alice suggested with mock innocence in her voice.

I shot her a disparaging look before helping myself to a piece of spaghetti pie. "Shall we crack open a bottle of wine? I'm sure I have a nice cabernet sauvignon around here somewhere." I began rifling through the cupboards.

"I'm all set, but you go ahead." I put back one of the wine glasses I had retrieved and joined Alice at the table. I poured myself a glass of wine while Alice rambled on about a two hour phone call she had made to Jasper that morning. Internally, I was struggling with whether to ask her advice on Izzy. The idea petrified me but I was running out of options.

Carol remained another one, but I had a sneaky suspicion that if I let too much slip to Carol, Alice would find out by default. Carol seemed to have grown fonder of my baby sister since she had moved in with me. _Come to visit,_ I corrected myself. The idea of Alice leaving though suddenly brought about a pang of sadness. I wondered briefly at this new development before returning to my previous debate.

I could always tell Carol to keep it to herself, but that would likely just raise more eyebrows. _You're on your own, Edward._

"Edward?" Alice was gazing at me; worry filled her blue eyes.

"Sorry. You were saying?" I dove back into my dinner, urging her to continue.

"I talked to Tim this afternoon." I nearly choked on my spaghetti.

"Uh…how…how is he?"

"Good. He said to remind you that you can call him anytime." I merely nodded. Alice frowned slightly but continued. "Tim says he's pleased with my progress." Alice gave a small laugh before dropping her gaze to her plate.

"That's good, little bat," I said, pulling out a long lost nickname I had given her when we were small. I reached across the table and squeezed her tiny hand in mine.

"I'm sorry that I'm still here," she whispered, her eyes still on her food. "I'm sure you just want your life back."

"No, Alice." I shook my head emphatically as her words echoed in my mind. They gave me pause to think. _Do I want that life back?_ I wasn't even sure I _could_ have it back. So much had changed. Everything I had known, everything I had been sure of now lay in pieces at my feet, and I had no idea how to rebuild.

"I should probably head back to New York anyway-"

"Please stay." My voice was barely audible, but the emotion and desperation that ripped through it surprised even me.

My plea took us both by surprise and though Alice nodded softly, we both fell silent after that. We finished our dinner that way and as I cleared the dishes Alice made her way upstairs. She came back down a few minutes later with her suitcase in hand.

I felt the panic rise in my throat. I couldn't understand why Alice's departure scared the hell out of me, but my hands began to tremble. "Alice," I whispered.

She turned towards me and gasped at the sight of me, shaking and white. "Edward, I'll stay. I'm not going anywhere but…" I waited for her terms, praying I could live with them. "I'm giving you your room back. I'll take the couch."

"No," I said firmly, relieved that she was staying. "Alice, you are a guest. I'm fine on the couch-"

"No, I insist. Dead fish and house guests, Edward." And with that, Alice plopped herself down on the couch defiantly and crossed her arms.

I fought the grin that was threatening to spread across my face. "Alice," I said quietly, "You weigh what? Eighty pounds?"

She frowned at me. "I weigh more than that, dear Edward, but I think you'll find I fight dirty."

I chuckled and shook my head. "Alice-"

"No, Edward. Please take your room back. It'll make me feel better. Please?"

I sighed. _Well, that has not changed._ I still could not deny my baby sister. I finally nodded in assent and joined her on the couch. "Now what, little bat?"

She smiled sweetly. "Movie night."

After submitting to two hours of some romantic comedy, I finally cried uncle and headed for bed. I made one last attempt to convince Alice to keep my room and failed. _She's as stubborn as you._ I chuckled as I gathered up the few books, my robe and Bella's picture. I had found a frame for it a few days before and was excited at the prospect of setting it up on my bedside table.

I gave a sigh of relief as I crested the stairs to my bedroom. _It _will_ be nice to have my bedroom back,_ I decided. I readied myself for bed before digging out the frame I had ordered. It was a simple yet beautiful, silver design from Tiffany's. _Bella deserves nothing less._ I smiled to myself as I set those beautiful brown eyes next to my bed…_to watch over me._ I fell asleep with a soft smile on my face. I did not wake up that way.

_The small copper haired boy sat in the last stall of the drab bathroom. It was fairly large as school bathrooms go and a perfect place to hide when necessary. And it was necessary now as large, hot tears poured down his cheeks. Second grade was hard enough when one was skinny and smart. No one likes a know-it-all. It's not that he meant to be smart. He just liked to read, and when one reads a lot, one tends to learn things. _

_ It didn't help that he preferred playing the piano to playing kickball as well. This realization brought more tears as the small boy thought of his mother, of her radiant smile that had always appeared when he played. He hadn't seen that smile in two months. Not since…_

_ Sobs racked the boy's small body as images of a silk-lined coffin and a dark hole in the ground flashed through his mind. He curled himself into a ball on the floor as tears poured down his cheeks. He longed for his mother's arms thought they would never again embrace him. As despair threatened to overwhelm him, he ached even for his father's arms, though they were not as warm and caring as his mother's had been. His daddy's hugs were stiff now, like Daddy was afraid to hold him. Daddy had grown cold and distant since Mommy… A loud sob echoed through the grimy bathroom and the boy quickly covered his mouth. _

_ He listened intently, hoping no one had heard, but it was too late. The sound of the bathroom door opening seemed to echo ominously. The boy pulled himself up off the floor and sat on the toilet, lifting his legs up so they wouldn't be seen under the stall door. _Maybe _it's just someone who needs to pee, he thought hopefully. There was no reason to believe it was them. There were hundreds of kids in this school. _

_ "Eddie?" The voice bounced off the ugly blue walls, and as it reached the boy's ears, he felt his stomach drop. Please go away, please go away, please go away, he thought desperately. He wiped his face hastily, trying to erase any sign of the tears that had been flowing off and on all morning. _

_ "Eddie?" the cruel voice said again. The copper haired boy heard the sound of the first stall door crash open. "Are you in here crying again?" The second door opened. "Where's the wittle cwybaby?" The third door squeaked something awful as it opened. The boy's teeth began to chatter in fear and he clamped his jaw shut in an attempt to silence them. There were only five stalls in the bathroom. The small boy, still huddled on the toilet, began to shake violently as the fourth door opened. He shut his eyes and buried his face in his knees as he waited._

_ "Eddie, whatcha' doing?" The small boy reluctantly looked up to see the cruel face of his tormenter who was now standing in the doorway of the stall. "Aww, the cwybaby's been cwying again." The larger boy's sandy hair looked dirty in the dull fluorescent light of the bathroom and his eyes flashed with amusement as he turned back to the two boys standing behind him. _

_ The copper haired boy waited until the other boy had fully turned to his companions before making a break for it. The boy was a fast runner and had always managed to escape. He did not take _her_ into account though. Why would he? This was the boy's bathroom. But there she was, red curls glinting in the dull light as she blocked his exit to the hallway. He stopped short, unsure of what to do. _

_ Before the small boy could make up his mind, however, the large hands of the fourth grade bully clamped down on his shoulders. "Now, now, Eddie, where you going?"_

_ "You're not allowed in here. This is the boy's bathroom," the small boy managed to spit out at the tall girl who remained directly in his path to freedom. _

_ One of the other boys laughed. "Well, then you're not allowed in here either, you sissy crybaby girl." The three larger boys all burst into laughter and the redheaded girl's high pitched giggles quickly joined them._

_ "Ah now, Laurent, don't pick on Eddie 'cause he's been crying." The voice sounded sweet and soft, but the copper haired boy knew better. He tried to step back as the redheaded girl walked towards him, but he was held in place by the sandy haired boy's strong grip. "I'd cry too if my mother was dead." She sneered the last word, emphasizing it so it echoed throughout the bathroom, repeating itself over and over in the copper haired boy's ears. He fought the tears, but one slipped out anyway. The small boy tried to brace himself for the torment that was coming. "I'm so sorry, Eddie, that your mother would rather be dead than with you." The redheaded girl laughed cruelly at her own joke and the three other fourth graders joined her._

_ The small boy struggled against the stronger sandy haired boy, but he was held fast. "Yeah it stinks that your mother killed herself 'cause she didn't want to be around you anymore." _

_ "She died of cancer," the small boy shouted, still fighting the bigger boy's iron grip. He could feel the bruises beginning to form on his upper arm from the strong fingers that grasped him. _

_ "Cancer? Is that what your daddy told you, crybaby?" The sandy haired boy spun his prisoner around to face him and smiled cruelly as he whispered, "I heard _he_ doesn't love you anymore either. Bet he blames you for her death, doesn't he?"_

_ Images of his cold and distant father flashed through the copper haired boy's mind and he had to choke back a sob. Is that why Daddy doesn't hug me anymore? he thought painfully. Desperate to be out of there, he fought the larger boy's grip with all his strength. "Let…me…go!"_

_ "Laurent, Alec, hold him down!" The sandy haired boy shoved the smaller boy towards his companions. The copper haired boy continued to struggle and, in his thrashing, managed to get a kick off. It landed squarely in the sandy haired boy's stomach. The copper haired boy froze and watched as his attacker groaned and doubled over._

_ "James? Are you all right?" The redheaded girl eyed him warily. When the sandy haired boy finally straightened back up, his eyes were teeming with fury._

_ "Victoria," he growled, "Watch for a teacher. I think we need to teach Eddie a lesson. You want something to cry about, crybaby?" _

_ The small boy couldn't hold back his tears as the first punch landed._

I sat up swiftly as my own cry of pain woke me. Though the memory was nearly twenty five years old, I felt the phantom pain of the first punch echoing in my ribs. As they had been so long ago, my cheeks were streaked with tears. My choking sobs echoed throughout the dark room as I collapsed back on my pillow which was already soaked through with saltwater.

I tried to quiet the strangled noises coming from my throat, lest they wake Alice downstairs, but I couldn't. My whole body was shaking and I rolled onto my side. I wrapped my arms around my pillow, praying for someone to hold me as I held it. My eyes found those beautiful brown ones and I immediately snatched the picture frame up and clutched it to me.

Alice found me sobbing and clinging to the frame and my pillow a few minutes later. She crawled into bed next to me and wrapped her tiny arms around me. She rocked me as I cried but did not say a word. She began to hum as my body shook violently. I recognized the song almost immediately, Brahm's _Lullaby_. My mother had taught me to play it when I was five and it had been Alice's favorite request. Thoughts of my mother and a better time made me cry harder but eventually, I began to focus on the gentle tune that fell from Alice's lips. The simple notes drew me away from the horror that had filled my dreams. It took nearly twenty minutes for me to calm down enough to stop the shaking.

When the sobs finally ceased and had been replaced by the occasional hiccup, Alice slowed the rocking and kissed me on the forehead. She remained silent though, just running her fingers through my hair and holding me.

"I'm sorry," I finally managed to choke out.

"For what?"

"Waking you."

"Don't be." She paused and kissed my forehead again. "Edward…are you okay?"

Her words were barely audible but her questions echoed in my mind over and over. The silence dragged until I finally whispered, "No."

"Please call Tim. Please," she pleaded.

"It's 2 a.-"

"He won't care."

"I can call him tomo-"

"Now, Edward. Now."

I lay in her arms, debating. I wasn't sure I was ready to bring up those old issues with Tim and my nightmare had left me emotionally and physically drained. I could not battle with him, not tonight. "Alice, I'm exhausted. I can't handle that right now. It's very…trying"

"It doesn't have to be, Edward. I wish I could make you understand. It doesn't have to be a fight. There's no right or wrong. You're just talking. You don't even have to talk about whatever you had a nightmare about. Sometimes it just helps to have advice from someone."

_Just stay away from them._ That had been the advice to a bloody and bruised eight year old. _Don't respond to them; it only encourages them. _That was for the ten year old with a chipped tooth. _You need to find a better outlet for your anger,_ to the twelve year old with a cracked rib and a broken nose.

I didn't want Tim's advice. I didn't really _need_ his advice. The memories were just memories, harmless fragments of the past; it was no use dealing with them now. _And what else would I talk to him about anyway?_ Izzy. The answer came to me so suddenly that I sat straight up, nearly knocking Alice over.

"Edward?" She looked at me quizzically.

"I…I'll call him." The smile of relief that washed over her face almost made it worth it.

Alice hugged me tighter. "I love you, Edward. If you need me, I'll be downstairs, okay?"

I nodded and gave her a quick return hug. I listened as she descended the stairs. Once I was sure she was out of hearing range, I got up and retrieved my cell phone from its charger. I sat back on the bed and stared at the phone in my hand.

_I don't want to,_ I thought petulantly.

_You promised._

_Shut up._

_ He'll know what to do about Izzy._ Thoughts of the beautiful brown haired woman reminded me of the delicate frame that was still tangled in my bed sheets. I quickly replaced it on my bedside table so it wouldn't get broken.

It _was_ true that Tim could probably give me excellent advice on how to get back in Izzy's good graces; he'd been married for nearly forty years. But it meant that I would have to tell him everything…_even the parking lot BJ story,_ I reminded myself. On the plus side, Tim would not tell anyone else; doctor/patient confidentiality was a beautiful thing. I would have to call the hospital and have them bill me so I would officially be a patient though.

I sighed heavily and dialed Tim's number before I could talk myself out of it. The phone rang thrice and just as I was about to give up and hang up, Tim's tired voice answered.

"Hello?"

"Uh…sorry, I-"

"Edward?"

"Yeah, I was just…" _Having a nightmare? Slick._ The silence between us seemed to grow.

"Edward, are you all right?" Tim's voice was quiet and kind and I had to swallow back a sob.

"Um, yeah, I just… Look, I'm sorry I woke you. I can call you later, at a more reasonable hour-"

"Well, I'm up now, Edward. We might as well talk." I had no argument so I kept my mouth shut. "What's on your mind?"

"Um, I…well, I…" _Christ, I can't do this._

"Edward, you can trust me. I know it's difficult but just spit it out."

"I…I fucked up, and I've completely screwed my chances with this girl, and I've never felt like this before, and she's messing with my head 'cause I don't even know how I feel about her, but every time I see her, I do something fucking stupid. I cannot get my shit together and she hates me and I don't even know why it matters, but it does." It all came out in one breath and as I sat there panting, I admitted in a whisper, "I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me, Tim."

"There's nothing _wrong_ with you, Edward. You may have issues, but they can be sorted. Now, does this girl have a name?"

"No!" I snapped sullenly, immediately regretting my tone, but Tim was patient. "Yes…her name is Izzy."

"Okay, how did you meet Izzy?"

"I represent her friend's brother."

"You said you've 'never felt like this before'. What did you mean by that, Edward? Can you describe how Izzy makes you feel?"

How did Izzy make me feel? _God, that's a loaded question: scared, amazed, aroused, safe, wanted, needed, needy, humble, happy, confused but also…_

"Vulnerable," I finally admitted. "I don't know. When I look into her eyes, it's like she can see me. I mean _really_ see me. It scares the shit out of me, Tim."

"That's understandable. You don't sound like the kind of man who has had much experience with feeling exposed in your adult life. Are you, Edward?"

I thought about his question for a moment. Vulnerability was a weakness; I didn't do weakness. "No."

"So why don't you avoid her? If she makes you feel uncomfortable, why don't you stay away from her?"

"I can't, Tim! I crave her presence. When I look into her eyes, I lose all control. It's scary and frustrating and maddening and I can't stop. She's like…she's like a drug to me. I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me," I repeated.

"So you want her? You're willing to put up with the vulnerability she makes you feel?"

"I don't know that I have a choice anymore."

"Can you tell me what it is that is so special about this particular lady? What draws you to her specifically? Why is she so different from everyone else?"

I briefly thought about Bella's brown eyes. _Izzy reminds me of her._ That was part of it, certainly, but I was not ready to share Bella, not yet, so I sought another route. "The first time we met, it was like I'd met her before in a past life." I gave a small laugh at the absurdity of my statement. "It's just…I don't know. I can't explain it properly." I sighed heavily.

"That's all right. Let's move on for the moment. You said that every time you see her you 'do something stupid'. What do you mean by that? Is it your temper?"

I opened my mouth to deny a temper but quickly realized that Alice had probably made him all too aware of the destruction of my own living room. "Sort of," I admitted begrudgingly. "I always seem to say the wrong thing. Every word out of my mouth hurts her feelings. She's always on the defensive."

"Edward, everyone has their own past. You don't know what _she's_ been through." He paused before continuing. "Can you give me an example of something you've said? Or is there some action that she may have taken wrong?"

I paused and felt my heart accelerate. _This is it._ "She, um...she caught me in a…precarious position once." My palms were sweating so furiously, I almost dropped the cell phone.

"Go on." Tim's voice remained calm and I wondered what his reaction would be. _Disgust, anger? What if Alice is wrong? What if there's no saving me?_

"I…" I trailed off and felt myself begin hyperventilating.

"Edward, breathe. It will be all right. Just tell me."

"I hooked up with this waitress in her car and Izzy…saw." My eyes quickly sought Bella's, still resting on my bedside table as I waited for Tim's reaction.

"You 'hooked up'? You had sex with the waitress?"

"Oral," I muttered. _As if that's any better._

"Where you involved in any sort of relationship with…what's the waitress' name?"

"No and," I swallowed painfully, "I don't know her name."

"So this was a one-night stand?"

"Yes."

"Is that a common occurrence?"

I met his question with silence before realizing that _not_ answering was more than enough of an answer in itself. "Yes," I finally admitted.

"Edward, when was the last time you were in a relationship that was more significant than a night or two?"

The query required some thought and I was surprised but appreciative of the lack of judgment in Tim's tone. I had dated a bit in college but never seriously and since graduate school, I hadn't been with the same woman longer than a month or two. "It's been awhile."

"And the majority of your relationships since then; have they been one-night stands?"

"Yes."

"Can we talk about that?"

_No._ "What about it?"

"Well, do these women enter into this knowing it's a one-night stand or do they think there is a possibility of a relationship or at the very least an extended courtship?"

I sighed. "Most probably think there's the possibility of a relationship." I didn't like where this was going. "I'm not the kind of guy who can handle a relationship," I tried to explain.

"Well, we can address that later. But are you leading them on, Edward?"

"Well, maybe, but-"

"So is it just your distaste for commitment or is there something more behind your behavior?"

I stopped short. "What do you mean?"

"Are you angry at these women?"

"Angry?"

"Well, I think we can agree that you don't respect them. Is that correct?"

"I guess," I mumbled.

"And what do these women have in common, Edward?"

"Uh, I…what do you mean?"

"Would you consider them strong women?"

"No, I guess not. Why?"

"I'm just wondering if there's something deeper there. Edward, if I may switch gears for a moment?"

"Yeah, all right." Tim's words had my brain in overdrive. This was far too much to process at 2:30 in the morning, and I had no idea where he would go next.

"I know this is a painful subject for you, Edward, but let's talk about Esme." I sat up straighter as the unexpected words reached my ears.

"What? What about my mother?"

"How did you feel when she died?"

"Sad. How the fuck do you think I felt?" I could hear the edge in my voice but made no attempt to hide it.

"Anything else?"

I fought for control of my temper. "What? Is that not enough? What the else was I supposed to feel, Tim?"

"Were you angry at her for dying?"

"Angry? She died of fucking cancer. It's not like she had a choice and besides, I…she…it's not like…" I trailed off at a loss for words. _Was I angry at her for dying?_ I tried to think back over the past twenty five years.

"Edward, it would be completely accept-"

"No! No, I couldn't blame her! That's completely irrational and-"

"Edward, the feelings of a seven year old boy are not rational. Feelings, in general, even in adults, _especially_ in adults,are not always rational."

"No!" I could feel the hot prick of tears beginning in the corners of my eyes. "What kind of sick person could do that?" I was trying to keep my voice at a reasonable volume, but it was increasing at an alarming rate. Tim continued to assure me what I had felt, perhaps _still_ felt, was normal.

"Edward, why can't you forgive yourself and allow yourself to be happy?" I fell silent as the tears began to flow. "It's okay to be angry at her-"

"I'm not!" I choked back a sob. _Am I?_

"She left you, Edward. She did not want to, but she did leave you. Anger is a completely normal and understandable reaction."

Once again, my body was racked with uncontrollable sobs. Tim let me cry for a few minutes before breaking the silence. "Edward, it's late and I appreciate how hard this is for you. If I could ask just one more thing and then I'll let you go. We've taken some pretty big steps tonight, okay?"

I took several deep breaths before I had the strength to respond. "All right."

"If you are seriously interested in Izzy, you need to recognize, at least in part, that much of your previous behavior towards women stems from your anger at your mother's death. Do you understand what I mean by that?"

"Yes," I admitted quietly.

"It's okay if you don't believe me, but I'd like you to think on it, okay?"

"Okay. Tim," I paused, unsure of how to word my question, "Why does it matter? I mean, I understand that I should…approach Izzy in a different manner, but what's the point of dredging all this up? It's done, it's past. I can't…"

"Edward, your past is part of who you are now. If there's a piece of you that's broken or hurt, it cannot heal unless you address it. You can try to cover it up or ignore it but it's not going to go away and it's not going to get better. It will always linger and affect your thoughts and your actions now and in your future." I gave a noncommittal grunt before wishing him a good night.

"Good night, Edward. Get some rest. I'm glad you called."

I hung up the phone and sat there, staring at it. I was dazed and reeling from the past hour. Tim's words echoed in my head, over and over: _she left you, Edward._ Exhausted, I collapsed on my bed. I clutched the photo of my brown eyed angel to me as my tears continued to flow until, finally, mercifully, I was granted a dreamless sleep.

Alice was still asleep when I left for work the following morning. For that, I was grateful. I had no idea what to say to her or how to explain my behavior, so I slipped out without waking her. I stepped out into the crisp air and decided walking to work would clear my head. The weatherman had promised a clear day with little to no wind chill so I left my car and headed down towards Commercial Street.

My mind was still buzzing from my conversation with Tim and I tried desperately to sort my thoughts. The idea of blaming my mother for her own death still troubled me, so I pushed that thought to the side and focused on Izzy.

Tim had said, "Everyone has their own past." _So I guess I need to approach Izzy differently. _She was sensitive; that much I had caught on to, despite my lack of aptitude when it came to women. _She takes everything I say to heart._

_So be gentle with her._

_ I don't know how!_ But I did, I realized. As much as I had frowned upon it, I had always pampered Alice and tried to cushion her from the world. There's no reason I couldn't be as gentle with Izzy as I had tried to be with Alice. _Can't I?_ It would not come easy.

I reached the doors into my office building and, pleased with my new insight, strode across the lobby. I ran through apologies to use while waiting for the elevator, but as I stepped into the car, a new thought threatened to unhinge me.

_You still have to face her._ The image of the smashed vase of flowers danced before my eyes again as I headed for my office. I could treat Izzy as kindly as I wanted; it wouldn't make any difference if she refused to talk to me. My mouth went dry as the realization sank in.

I muttered a quick greeting to Carol before dodging into my office. I felt a lump rise in my throat as I pictured Izzy, disgusted with my gift and tossing it into the garbage. Her revulsion grew with every re-play in my head. The phone interrupted my self-inflicted torture and made me jump.

"Sir?" Carol's voice was tinged with concern. "Your 9 o'clock is on the line. She will be a few minutes late. I can re-schedule if-"

"No. Send her in as soon as she here. Thank you, Carol." I reached for the file, resolving to work straight through lunch if it meant my mind would be kept busy. I immediately buried myself in my various cases.

At 12:30, Carol dropped a white paper bag on my desk and set a fresh cup of coffee next to it. I gave her a sideways glance before returning to the brief I was reading. "It's a turkey with mayo on wheat. I picked it up at Steward's for you. Eat, Edward." Carol gave me a disapproving look.

"Thank you, but I'm not hungry."

"Edward." Carol's voice took on a warning tone.

"I don't have time, Carol."

"Luckily, I postponed your next meeting so you have a few minutes."

"Carol-"

"Edward." She stared down her nose at me, a stern look on her face. I couldn't decide whether to laugh or shout.

"Fine," I eventually grumbled.

"Good, and by the way, you have a phone call on line 2."

I groaned. "Who is it?"

"Ms. Swan," Carol called as she pranced out of my office, closing the door as she left. I nearly knocked the coffee onto my keyboard.

My whole body went numb and suddenly my throat had forgotten how to swallow. My heart raced and my hands were shaking as I reached for the phone. My fingers froze an inch from the receiver. _Pick it up, Edward. You can't leave her on hold. Pick up the phone. Edward. Pick. Up. The. Phone._

Line two." Carol's voice reached me from her desk just outside my office. I gritted my teeth and picked up the phone.

"Hello?" My voice was shaky.

_"Edward?"_

"Izzy. How…uh, how are you?"

_"Good, how are you?"_

"Um, fine, thank you. How's the ankle?"

_"Much better, actually. Thank you."_ With that, the polite small talk came ceased and silence lapsed on both ends of the phone line. Izzy spoke first. _"I…I wanted to thank you for the flowers."_

_ The flowers that you destroyed?_ "The flowers?" I could hear the conviction in my voice, and I silently cursed my temper for getting the better of me yet again.

_"Edward,"_ she paused and I envisioned her biting her plump lower lip. Just the thought of it aroused me and I had to readjust my position in the chair. _Be. Nice. Edward. _I heard her take a deep breath and then she rushed on as though she had only the one breath to get it all out. _"Edward, Darlene told me you stopped by yesterday. I'm sorry I missed you. I was in a meeting and I didn't even think. I should have been there to explain. I feel horrible. God, you must have seen them and thought…"_ I could hear the tears in her voice.

"I was hoping it was an accident actually." I swallowed painfully and waited for her explanation.

_"Well, I…there was an incident and...um, a man was visiting and… He was angry, Edward, at me and he just-I'm sorry, Edward. Please know it was not a reflection of my feelings for you."_

_ She has feelings for me? _My heart threatened to erupt from my chest and I had to fight for the ability to breathe, to speak. When I had regained control of myself, sought the right words. _Be cool, calm and collected, Edward. _"Did you like them?" _Or be pathetic,_ I thought sarcastically as my uncertainty rang through my voice. "I mean, before they were destroyed?"

_"They were lovely, Edward. It was very sweet of you."_

"I'm sorry you didn't get to enjoy them." _Do it. Ask her, Edward!_ "Perhaps…instead, I could…take you out to lunch to apologize for my behavior on Thursday." Izzy fell silent on the other end and a wave of nausea washed over me.

_"Edward, that would be lovely, but-"_ _No, don't say no. Please! _I begged silently. _"I have a deadline this week and I'm afraid I won't be able to get away for a lunch." _She sounded regretful.

"Dinner."

_"What?"_

"Dinner instead. Any night."

_"Oh! I, um, I could do something this weekend. Saturday, I have a commitment but Sunday-"_

"Sunday it is then." I racked my brain because suddenly the feeling that _I_ had plans for Sunday came over me. "Oh, shit. The opera."

_"What?"_ Izzy asked confused.

"Sorry, I have tickets to the Metropolitan Opera. They're performing at Merrill Auditorium."

_"Oh, well if you're busy…"_

"No!" I nearly shouted at her. "No, not at all. If you'd like, we can go to the matinee and catch an early dinner afterwards."

The pause that followed nearly stopped my heart but Izzy's "Okay" restarted it an Olympic pace. She gave me her address and I agreed to pick her up at 1 on Sunday before hanging up the phone. _A date! I'm going on a date!_ I laughed out loud as I suppressed my urge to run through the office, screaming my news. However, a few spins in my office chair could not be denied.

My glee was dampened instantly, albeit only slightly, as I realized that I now had to inform Alice that, not only did I have a date, but that date would be utilizing _Alice's_ ticket to _Tristan und Isolde_ on Sunday.

"Oh, fuck."

**Well, we've gotten a small peek at Pricky's past and now on to their first date! :) Please review?**

**On an another note, bullying is no laughing matter. Kids can be cruel and the detrimental effects of bullying can last a lifetime. If you or someone you know needs help, there are resources available. This is a good place to start: http:/www[dot]stopbullyingnow[dot]hrsa[dot]gov/**

**Next update should be posted on the 10****th****. Thanks everyone.**

**p.s. I'll give a shoutout to anyone (except Bee who already knows) where Edward's nickname for Alice comes from**


	17. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

**Sorry for the hold up, folks. On the plus side, I'll be a bit richer next week for all the bloody overtime I've been working. **

**Okay firstly, all things Twilight belong to Ms. Meyers. What a lovely world has grown from that one little dream. *sigh* I love Edward.**

**Secondly, I also love my betas. My ubergorgeous wifey, IrishTwiFicster, (who is **_**this**_** close to 1k reviews! Go meet WriteWard!) and my whip-wielding sis, ladyeire3, who has an incredible original fic entered in the TWCS contest. Go check out **_**A Banshee's Tale**_** (links are at the end).**

**And lastly a big shoutout to bannie33 who knew the origins of Alice's nickname. There's a major hint in this chapter and I'll post the answer at the end. Well done, bannie33! :)**

**One more thing! I'll be writing an outtake for Fandom for Preemies! (link will be up on my blog soon) Thoughts, wishes, etc about what you would like me to write? Review or PM me your ideas!  
**

**I(B)POV**

My hands were still trembling as I hung up the phone. _A date? With Edward Cullen…Oh my God._ I didn't even have time to register this turn in events before Darlene burst into my office.

"What? Were you listening at the door?" I asked incredulously.

"No." I frowned at the guilty look on Darlene's face. "Oh, never mind that anyway." She dismissed my disapproval with a wave of her hand and took a seat across from my desk. "What did he say?" I hesitated and Darlene shot me her best puppy dog look. "Come on, Izzy! This was entirely my fault. I didn't even _think_ about the flowers when I showed him into your office. Tell me I didn't ruin everything for you, please!"

"This wasn't your fault, Darlene. It's mine, really. Jake…I…" My words fell off as the memory of Jacob's tantrum echoed through my mind, stealing my ability to breathe. I fought back the fear that was rising in the back of my throat. I _wanted_ to remember the good things, the times in our relationship when Jacob was sweet and kind. There _had_ been good chapters to our story. In the beginning of our relationship, life had been fun. Jake had been my first real boyfriend. He had been loving and easy-going. I missed that side of him. _If that Jacob could come back, that Jacob was sweet and kind and-_

"Jacob's an asshole." I started as Darlene's comment had me wondering briefly if she could read my mind. "I've changed my mind," she continued. "This is _his_ fault."

I merely nodded, my mind still lost in memories far back in the past.

"Izzy!" Darlene, once again, dragged me back to reality. "Enough of this space cadet crap. Spill, woman!"

"Oh, um…" I could feel the color creeping into my cheeks as my eyes dropped to my desk. "Well, we're sort of going on a date on Sunday." It sounded more like a question as I said it. I glanced up at Darlene in time to see her jaw drop.

"A date? With Edward Cullen. Honey, that boy doesn't date. You must have made quite an impression on him. Wow. Oh my God, Izzy. Wow." She stared at me, the shock that I was sure was evident on my face was now reflected on hers. She quickly broke into a grin. "Wonder what he's like in bed-"

"Out!" I stood and pointed at the office door, fighting the rush of blood to my cheeks, the grin that threatened to emerge at the mere thought of Edward in bed and the sudden pool of longing in the pit of my stomach.

"I was just say-"

"Out, Darlene Anderson, or so help me, God…"

"Well, he's certainly an Adonis." We both burst into a fit of giggles as she feigned terror and ran for the door.

When I'd finally calmed down and caught my breath, I dropped back into my chair and marveled at the elation that was coursing through my veins.

"I have a date with Edward Cullen." Even saying the words aloud did not dispel the surrealism of it all. I smiled softly and reached for the small card that had accompanied Edward's flowers. I ran my finger over the scrawl that was Edward's signature.

Holding the card only served to remind me of what had happened to Edward's gift, and Jacob was once again in the forefront of my mind. "We have a history, Izzy. You can't just throw that away!" A shiver ran through me and I knew I had to call my father. I needed to know what the hell had possessed Charlie to open his door to Jake. _Surely, Charlie realized I ended it long ago…_ I tried to recall my last few days in Forks. _I must have said _something_ to my father. _

But we did not discuss my love life much. _Jeez, does any girl discuss her love life with her father?_ It was embarrassing, to say the least. The move had been the main topic of our conversations and arguments throughout the weeks leading up to my departure. Both of our emotions had been running high, and, as such, Charlie and I, embarrassed, had avoided unnecessary conversation.

_I have to call him._ I sighed, resigned to what would likely be an awkward conversation. At the very least, there was a possibility that Charlie could convince Jacob to go back to Washington. If they were so "buddy/buddy", perhaps Charlie's words would have more of an impact than mine.

"Smitten, aren't we?" I jumped again, as Darlene broke my reverie. I looked up confused before realizing I had been clutching Edward's card while lost in thought.

"No, I was just thinking."

"Of Edward in bed." She smirked and I rolled my eyes.

"No, I…" I quickly changed the subject. "I thought I told you to get out." I had told Darlene just enough of my past with Jacob to satiate her curiosity, but I had no desire to go into details.

"You did, but I can't. We have a meeting in," she glanced at her watch, "two minutes."

"Oh, shit!" I quickly tucked the card into my purse and then hastily procured my notes on our latest project; all thoughts of Edward, Charlie and Jacob quickly forgotten.

* * *

I walked into my apartment and immediately threw the deadbolt, fighting the bile in my throat as panic raced through me. "You're fine. You're okay, Isabella. Calm the fuck down." I turned and fled down my hallway, refusing to look back at the door. "Charlie, you need to call Charlie." I had a sudden, overwhelming longing for my father, and as uncomfortable as this conversation would no doubt be, I could not wait to hear his voice.

I dropped my purse on my couch and left my crutches propped against the wall. I was already sick of them and eager for my ankle to finish healing. I hobbled into the kitchen for a drink and threw a chicken breast into the oven for dinner. The walk back to my living room was taken gingerly as too much weight on my foot brought sharp jabs of pain.

Finally, I settled on the couch and dug around in my purse until I found my cell phone. I also pulled out Edward's card from where I'd shoved it earlier. My fingers began to trace his handwriting and the now familiar action calmed me. Taking a deep breath to steady myself, I dialed my father's number.

"Hello?"

"Ch-Dad?"

"Izzy! How are you?"

"I'm all right. How are you?"

"Not too bad. Still working that double homicide. We're closing in though."

"That's good." I grimaced at the thought of a double homicide in the small town I had grown up in. Most of Charlie's job involved dealing with local drunks, fender-benders and finding lost hikers. Murders were not common in Forks and two at a time was unheard of.

"How's your publishing case going? You're still working hard, Izzy? You don't want to slack off just because the company is in hot water."

I rolled my eyes. "Yes, Dad, I'm still working hard." I paused and bit my lip before continuing. "Dad, I called for a reason."

"Change your mind about Christmas?"

"Uh, no. I still won't be home for the holidays. Sorry. I'm actually calling about Jacob."

"What about him?" Charlie sounded slightly confused.

"Did you…I mean, have you two been spending time together?" I prayed for the answer I wanted to hear; Charlie could prove Jacob a liar right now.

"Yeah." My stomach dropped as a single word fell from Charlie's lips. "We go fishing a lot. He misses you, you know."

"He _misses_ _me_? Charlie, we broke up. We're not together. I thought you understood that."

He bristled as I called him by his first name but chose to ignore it. "Well, I figured you two were still friends. You dated for three years. He still loves you."

"Charlie, I can't believe- You didn't wonder why I never saw him when I came home? Why I never spoke about him? I-" At a loss for words, I broke off. After several long seconds of seething, I found my voice again. "What the hell do you two talk about? You barely even knew each other when I left."

"We mostly talk about you. He wants to know everything about you." Charlie admitted, only inciting my anger further. "Izzy, I was always working when you were home. I had no idea what you did while I was at work and frankly, we don't make it a habit to, um, talk about your boyfriends." I heard Charlie shift uncomfortably on the other end of the phone line. "Like I said, he misses you a lot. He's lonely, Izzy. And he's come to visit you a few times so…"

"He's here now, did you know that? He came to Maine to _insist_ I move back to Washington." My heart was pounding in my ears.

"Are you going to come home?"

"What? No, Charlie! I-" I broke off as Charlie's previous words came back to me. "What do you mean 'he's come to visit me a _few_ times'?"

"Look, I'm not sure why you're so upset. He's a friend of yours, and he's lonely. His father is in a wheelchair, and Jacob stays here to take care of him. He hasn't had the opportunities that you have. I would think you'd be more sensitive. Not everyone gets the chance to move across the country and work in a job they love, Isabella."

"I almost got fired from that job I love yesterday, Charlie. Jacob came to work and trashed my office. He spent twenty minutes screaming at me before security had to remove him from the premises." Charlie fell silent. "Did you talk about his violent temper while you were fishing, _Dad_?" My tone was snide, and though I knew my anger was better directed at the lying, manipulative Jacob, part of me felt my police chief father should have realized.

"Has he been violent before, Izzy?" Charlie's voice was barely audible. I could hear my heart pounding in my ears.

"He's always been violent." My voice dropped as I admitted Jacob's faults. I dreaded Charlie's next question.

"Did he hit you, Izzy?"

"Not exactly." My eyes were drawn to the dark bruises that encircled my wrists.

"Isabella," my father growled. "Did that son of a bitch ever lay a hand on you?"

"Look, Dad, I just want him to leave. If he leaves, then-"

"Isabella Marie Swan, answer the goddamn question!" Charlie yelled at me! He almost never did that. My heart stalled for a moment, I was sure of it.

"Kind of, but look, Dad-"

"I'm coming out there!"

"No, Dad, you don't need to. I just want him to leave."

"Izzy-"

"_Dad_."

I had inherited my father's stubbornness, and we both fell silent as we reached an impasse. "Isabella, you need to call the police. If you won't let me take care of this, you need to involve the cops. Get a restraining order."

"Dad," I hesitated, knowing any sort of legal action would only anger Jacob further but unsure of what other path I could take.

"Izzy, I will get on the next plane-"

"No. I, I have a friend who's a lawyer. I'll talk to him, figure out my options."

"Do you have a deadbolt? I'll send you some Mace." Charlie broke into cop-mode and I listened silently as he rambled on, all the while knowing I could not mention anything to Edward.

Another thought popped into my head as Charlie continued to regale me with tips on how to protect myself. I _did_ know someone with experience in this sort of matter.

After promising Charlie repeatedly that I would call my attorney friend, I told him, once again, to stay in Washington. We made our goodbyes and I hung up, my fear and nausea only worsened by the call.

I debated the one idea that had occurred to me as I rose and limped back into the kitchen to make some rice to accompany my chicken dinner. I ran through the short list of options as I threw the pot on the burner. I checked the chicken and then hobbled back to my living room, my mind made up.

I retrieved my cell phone and dialed Alice's number. Her phone went straight to voicemail and I sighed before leaving a brief message. I double-checked the deadbolt before losing myself in _Jane Eyre_ while I waited for my dinner.

* * *

Several hours later, I was curled in bed, praying for sleep as I stared into the green eyes of my painting. The boy (_Edward,_ my mind whispered again) had become a sort of companion, and, as irrational as it was, I felt safer in his presence. I smirked at my own absurdness but then nearly cried out loud as my cell phone rang causing me to jump. My heart went into overdrive.

"Moron," I muttered as I reached for it. I tried so insert some strength in my voice as I flipped it open, but failed. "Hello?"

"Izzy? It's Alice. Sorry, I missed your call. I was subjecting my brother to the slow torture of a chick flick."

"Bet he loved that." I gave a weak laugh.

"Izzy, are you all right?"

"Not exactly. I was hoping I could ask you something." I broke off. I did not want to bring up the painful subject of Felix, but I had no idea what else to do.

"Izzy, what is it?"

"Alice…about Felix," I began.

"What about him?" Her voice dropped to a near whisper.

"I am so sorry to drag this up, Alice, but if I had maybe found myself in a similar situation, I…" I exhaled noisily, trying to find the right words.

"Izzy, is someone hurting you?" Alice's voice was full of concern and fear, and I instantly regretted scaring her.

"It's not like that, not entirely, I mean. It's just, I have this ex-boyfriend who won't take no for an answer. I don't know what to do," I admitted in a whisper.

"Have you filed a restraining order?"

"No."

"Okay, we need to do that. I'll talk to my brother. He'll know more about the procedures."

"Alice-" I briefly wondered why her brother knew more than she, but the thought of yet another person knowing my shame was horrifying and distracted me from my train of thought.

"I won't tell him your name, Izzy. I'll just say it's for a friend back in New York, I promise."

"Thank you," I mumbled.

"Do you have harassing phone calls or letters? Something to show the police? It will help speed up the process," Alice said knowingly and apologetically.

"Um, I have bruises on my wrists," I said quietly, "and 20 plus witnesses who saw and heard him destroy my office."

"Oh, Izzy." She sounded heartbroken and paused for a moment before continuing. "Are you safe for the night? Do you want me to come over?"

"No, Alice, I'm locked in my apartment. I'll be fine. You don't need to come over."

"Izzy, don't open the door, okay? If anything happens, call the police and then call me immediately. Understand?" I sighed and agreed, wondering if I would have the nerve to call the police.

"Izzy, I'll talk to my brother tomorrow. Then we'll take care of this. Okay?"

"Okay. Alice, I'm sorry to-"

"Don't, sweetie. You have nothing to apologize for." Alice paused again. "Izzy, are you sure you're all right?"

"Yes. Thank you, Alice. I wasn't sure who else to turn to. My father was threatening to fly out here." I gave a humorless laugh.

"Get some rest, Izzy. I'll call you tomorrow, hon."

"Good night, Alice." I hung up and set the phone back on my bedside table. I still was unsure about taking legal action; part of me still thought it was a betrayal of Jacob, but at least I was not alone. That brought me some peace, and I finally succumbed to a sleep filled with dreams of a sad little boy who had lost his mother.

* * *

**EPOV**

I walked up the steps to my townhouse, lost in thought about how to tell Alice of my date. I was uneasy about the whole situation and did not yet want Alice meeting Izzy. I wasn't even sure I wanted her to _know_ about Izzy, but my overzealousness had already ruined that.

"Big brother!" I smiled in spite of myself as Alice called me from the living room when I crested the stairs.

"Good evening, Alice. " I threw my coat on a chair and then crossed the living room before taking a seat next to her on the couch. "Did you sleep well last night? You were out like a light when I left this morning." I made no mention of our early morning encounter after I had screamed myself awake from the nightmare.

"I stayed up late on the phone with a friend," Alice replied. She sat up straighter and leaned towards me. "Edward, I need to ask you something. I need you to remain calm though."

I looked at her skeptically. "What do you mean 'remain calm'? Now what, Alice?" I sighed heavily as I recalled the first night I had spoken to Tim. "What fucking surprise do you have for me now?" I was dangerously close to snarling and I regretted my tone instantly, but my heart began to pound in my chest.

"Nothing! It's nothing like that. Please, I just…I have this friend, Edward, who needs help."

"Legal help?" I asked. My heart rate began to slow as Alice nodded. Legal issues I could handle. "What sort of legal help?"

"She sort of has this ex-boyfriend who's been threatening her and hurting her."

"Your friend does?"

"Yes."

"Does your friend have a name?"

"She asked me not to say."

"And this is for a _friend_, Alice?" Alice nodded, but I was still doubtful. "Has Felix ever tried to contact you? Has he ever called you or-"

"No, Edward."

"If that goddamn motherfucker-"

"Edward! This is why I said you had to remain calm." Alice frowned at me as my hands trembled in anger. "_I_ am okay." My fingers curled into fists, and she reached out and took one in her own tiny hands. "Edward, it's all right. I'm fine, but my friend is not."

I fought the rage that echoed through me and focused on the task at hand, hoping that it would calm me. "Is she in New York? I'd have to check with a colleague and see how similar their laws are to Maine's. Here, there are court documents that must be filled out in order to request a restraining order. Once they're filed with the court clerk, they'll have to find the bastard and serve the order. I can call Oliver tomorrow and see what the process for New York state is."

"And if she's in Maine?" Alice asked quietly. She kept her eyes on the seam of the couch as she ran a finger along it.

"Um, well that would be easier. It would be best if I could talk to her directly though, Alice." I leaned down and tried to catch her gaze.

Her blue eyes met mine and she smiled apologetically. "I don't think she would be comfortable with that, Edward. She's very…shy? I don't know. I think she's still in that phase where she thinks this is all her fault. She's not even sure she wants to file a restraining order."

"Has he hurt her?" I asked quietly.

"I think so. I haven't seen, but she said she has bruises."

"All right, then I'll get papers for a Protection from Abuse order as well as a Harassment order." I sighed heavily before taking Alice's face in one hand. "Are _you_ okay? Alice, this has to dredge up bad memories."

She gave me a soft smile before wrapping her arms around my neck. "I'm fine. I've got you, Edward. You're an amazing big brother, you know."

"Hardly," I said quietly. "I have a lot of shit to make up for." I cursed silently as I remembered one more wrong I had committed. "Alice, listen about Sunday…"

"_Tristan und Isolde_!" Alice smiled. "What about it?"

"Would you," I paused and gave her a rueful glance, "be terribly upset if we didn't go?"

"Not terribly upset, I suppose. Why?" Alice looked at me questioningly.

"Um, I may have, sort of, promised your ticket to someone else?" It came out as a question and I steadied myself for Alice's reaction.

"Who?" I could see the beginnings of a smile spreading across her face.

"A friend."

"Does _your_ friend have a name?" Alice echoed my words and I clamped my mouth shut. She cocked an eyebrow at me as she awaited my answer.

"No." I finally said.

"Edward, is this a date?"

"No."

"That's a yes."

"Is not."

"Is too. What's her name, Edward? What's she like? Where did you meet" Alice scooted in closer.

"I…not yet, Alice. Please? Let me keep this to myself for a while?" I sought out her eyes and was surprised to see her nod.

"You like her, Edward." Her voice was soft and…hopeful.

"Yeah, I guess," I said nonchalantly, turning away from her.

"No, you _like_ like her, Edward." I ignored her implications and we both fell silent for a minute. "Well, I'm sure she'll enjoy the show, whoever she is." Alice rose and kissed the top of my head.

"Thank you, Alice," I whispered as she stepped around me and headed for the kitchen. _That went better than I thought it would. _Apparently, I was not the only one who had been changing lately.

"You're welcome," she replied softly before switching to her bossy tone. "Now, get in here. Dinner's getting cold." I laughed in relief as the all the anxiety that had built up over this conversation suddenly melted away.

The next few days were filled with bits of advice that managed to break through Alice's new resolve to be less nosy.

"You have to be sweet, Edward."

"You…have a bit of a temper, Edward." _Understatement of the century._ "Keep it in check."

"Open doors for her and pull out her chair." This brought out a roll of my eyes, but I bit back my retort for once. My patience did not last into the weekend however.

"Pay for everything." I had planned on doing that anyway, but I took the opportunity to be a smartass as this piece of advice came up while we ate breakfast on Saturday morning.

"I thought the modern notion was that the bill should be split, Alice."

"Pssht. Modern schmodern. You're better than that, Edward. Be a gentleman."

Lunch brought with it another suggestion. "Bring her flowers, Edward. Pretty ones that smell lovely." She cocked an eyebrow at me and winked.

"Like roses?" I asked quietly. "Do you think she'd like them?"

"I _know_ she will." Alice smiled at me and squeezed my hand before focusing her attention back on her sandwich. "Perhaps eleven long-stemmed red ones with a single pure white one mixed in?" I chuckled quietly as Alice was suddenly prattling on about her first bouquet from Jasper.

_Flowers for Izzy._ I smiled to myself as the thought found its way to my mind again. I could replace the shattered vase. _Get something bigger, better, something to make her smile._ Though I wouldn't admit it to Alice, I was pleased with the suggestion, and I resolved to call the florist's immediately after lunch.

Alice's final piece of advice nearly floored me later that night. My nerves had kicked into full gear and I was so wracked with anxiety, I choked on my chowder and had to ask her to repeat herself. "What, Alice?"

"I know this is probably out of line, Edward, but if you really like her, and I know you do, then…" She paused and gave me a serious look. "No fucking on the first date."

Whatever progress I had made on the piece of potato stuck in my throat was immediately lost and Alice had to thump me on the back to keep me from passing out. When I could finally breathe again, I glared at her. "Alice-"

"Look, I'm not saying that you would or wouldn't, but, Edward, you can't. Not if she actually means something. If you really like her, Edward, take it slow."

"I…I, Alice, I cannot even-" She waited patiently for me to continue but I was at a loss for words. On one hand, I wanted to tell her to butt the fuck out, but on the other, I was pretty sure she was right. Things with Izzy would need to be taken slow.

"This conversation is over," I finally managed to spit out before getting up from the table and clearing my dishes. Alice's advice had distracted me but only for a moment.

As I headed up to my room, thoughts of Sunday continued to race through my head. I sat on the edge of my bed and ran through my list of things to do the next day. _Call and confirm the reservation at Street and Company. Call the car service and make sure they show up at 12:15. Go to the florist's and pick up the flowers. Go to Izzy's apartment and pick her up. Give her the flowers. Take her to Merrill Auditorium. See the show. Take her to dinner. _That's where I ran into trouble. What to talk about, what to spend an hour discussing over our dinner, had my nerves on edge.

"I can't do this!" I rose quickly and began pacing the room. "I can't do this," I muttered again as I wrenched my fingers through my hair.

"You'll be fine, Edward." I spun around to see Alice standing at the top of the stairs. "You left your cell phone downstairs," she said softly, handing me the phone. "Edward, it will be okay."

I turned away, willing myself to believe her. "Maybe." I walked over to my dresser and plugged my phone into charge. My heart was pounding and I realized I was absolutely terrified for the next day. "I don't know how to do this, Alice," I finally whispered.

I felt her small hand on my shoulder. "Edward, you'll be fine. I know this is new for you, but I believe in you, big brother."

"What the hell do we talk about?" I turned towards her, imploring her to save me.

Alice laughed at my desperate expression. "Edward, you do hold conversations in your daily life. Ask her about herself. Ask about her family, her work, or her friends. Find out what her hobbies are, how she spends her free time and, Edward," Alice looked me directly in the eye, "_listen_ to what she says. That's all it is."

I shrugged and turned away, not fully convinced. My heart was still racing and I steadied myself on the dresser. "Edward," Alice began, but I waved her away with my hand.

"Never mind, Alice, I'm fine." I was fairly sure she did not believe me, but she backed off nonetheless.

"All right, enough about that. What are you wearing?"

I blanched. "Oh, God. I have no idea."

"No worries, little sister has come to the rescue." Alice immediately made for my closet and began emptying it onto my bed. "No, no, no, maybe, eww, definitely not!" was all I heard from the depths of my closet as clothes were flung out.

I took a seat on the piano bench and ran through my list again while Alice searched. Twenty minutes later, she emerged holding a Ralph Lauren charcoal grey two button striped suit. "This is it," she announced. "It's more than just a suit jacket but not too fancy for a matinee show." She held the suit up to me and nodded to herself, before handing it to me. She wandered back into the closet, muttering to herself about ties.

After choosing every aspect of my outfit, Alice finally retreated downstairs, leaving me to head to bed. I tossed and turned for what felt like hours before falling into a restless sleep at last.

* * *

When I awoke Sunday morning, it took about ten seconds before the magnitude of the day came back to me, and I was immediately nauseated. "You'll be fine, you'll be fine." I repeated Alice's words over and over as I went for my morning run on the treadmill and then showered.

I was still chanting them as I made my way downstairs. Alice was awake and making French toast when I entered the kitchen. "Good morning, sleepyhead." She smiled brightly, and I tried and failed to return her chipper attitude. "How'd you sleep?" she asked sympathetically.

"Fine, thank you."

"Liar. Sit down. I'll get you some coffee." We ate breakfast in silence, a fact that I was extremely grateful for, and then both retired to the living room. I called the restaurant and the car service to confirm both reservations and then took a seat next to Alice on the couch. Alice read a magazine, while I flipped mindlessly through the channels, not actually seeing anything. 12:15 grew ever closer.

Finally, I couldn't delay any longer. I rose a little unsteadily and nodded in Alice's general direction. "Um…I'm, I'm going to go get ready."

"Let me know if you need anything," Alice called as I made my way upstairs. My heart was racing as I stripped off my t-shirt and reached for the blue button-up shirt Alice had set out the night before. I quickly slipped it on but my hands were shaking so bad, I couldn't button the damn thing. After several failed attempts, I exhaled noisily and stared at myself in the bathroom mirror.

"Edward Cullen," I growled, "get a hold of yourself!" It took several deep breaths to steady myself before I calmed down enough to finish dressing myself. With that accomplished, I opened the cabinet to rummage through the sick barrage of hair products, courtesy of Alice.

Sitting right at the front of my cabinet was a new gray tub with a post-it on it. Written in Alice's handwriting were the words "Use me." I laughed as I thought of her favorite book, _Alice in Wonderland_ that I had read to her often as a child. "Thanks, little bat," I said softly, reaching for the tub. It was labeled "working wax" and though I had no idea what that was, it made my hair look great.

Finally, I straightened and gave myself one last glance in the mirror. "All right, Edward, let's do this." I was steadier than I had been, but my palms were still sweaty. "Deep breaths," I murmured, glancing at the clock. "Oh shit!"

I raced down the stairs just as Alice called, "The car's here!" She was waiting for me at the bottom, my overcoat in one hand and the opera tickets in the other.

"Thank you," I said hurriedly, throwing the tickets in my breast pocket and struggling to get my overcoat on.

"Edward. Edward!" Alice grabbed my upper arms, and I, once again, marveled at her strength. She held me firm, and I was forced to look into her eyes. "Edward, it'll be all right."

I stared at her for a moment and then nodded. "Thank you," I said again, this time more sincerely. She gave me a peck on the forehead, then shooed me down the stairs and out.

Forty-five minutes later, the black town car pulled up in front of Izzy's apartment building. I gently picked up the fresh bouquet I had just purchased and climbed out of the car. "I'll be right back," I muttered at the driver before carefully making my way up the walk.

I pressed the buzzer marked "Swan" and immediately fought back the overwhelming urge to vomit…or run. _Hell, why not both?_

"Shut up, Edward. Jesus, you're such a fucking puss-"

"Hello?"

"Izzy? It's Edward."

"Come on up." The door buzzed and I made my way into the apartment building. I took the stairs up to Izzy's floor, arguing with myself the whole time. I slowed as I made my way to her door. Each step seemed heavier and heavier.

"Come on, Edward." _Weak, pathetic! _Old taunts echoed through my head and I fought back the anger that always accompanied them. _Keep your temper in check, Edward. You're not mad at _Izzy_._ I sighed and reached up to knock, but the door was pulled open before I could.

My jaw dropped as Izzy stood before me in a red satin dress. It fell to just above her knees and the soft color was echoed in her cheeks. The sleeves flared at the shoulder allowing me to see the full length of her creamy arms all the way down to a thick black bangle on each wrist. I longed to run my finger down one of those arms_ or perhaps my tongue.._. The deep v-neck would be the death of me; of that I had no doubt.

"Miss Swan," I managed to choke out. "You look stunning."

"Thank you, Mr. Cullen." Her cheeks flushed again and I felt my groin tighten. She glanced at the flowers in my hand, but I was so taken aback by her beauty that it took me a minute to come back to my senses.

"Oh! These are for you to replace the ones that had that unfortunate accident." I gestured to the vase and Izzy smiled as her eyes dropped to the floor.

"Um, thank you, Edward. Please, come in. Could you set them on the kitchen counter?" I followed Izzy into her apartment and obliged. I glanced around the living room while she got her coat from the bedroom. It was small and somewhat shabby but cozy too. I decided I liked it. _It's very Izzy,_ I thought, though I still knew so very little about her. _That'll change,_ I reminded myself and once again the daunting hour of conversation over dinner was at the forefront of my mind.

"I'm ready." Izzy's soft voice melted all my fears as I offered her my arm and escorted her out of the apartment. I told her a bit about _Tristan und Isolde_ as we made our way back down to the ground floor.

"I brought a translation. I didn't know if you knew German."

She shook her head and laughed then, and internally I likened the sound of her laughter to an angel's choir. _Jesus, Edward, you _are _smitten._ I mocked myself but it did little to lessen the glow that had formed in me when Izzy had accepted my arm.

"Is this yours?" Izzy asked as we approached the sleek black Lincoln.

"No, I hired a car for the evening. Door to door service, that sort of thing."

"How thoughtful," Izzy said as she gave my arm a squeeze. "That will be very helpful as," she dropped her voice to a mock whisper, "I'm still supposed to be using my crutches. Don't tell Rosalie."

"It'll be our little secret." I gently dropped her arm as we reached the car. I was about to head around to the driver's side when Alice's voice screamed in my head. _Open doors for her!_ I quickly changed direction and nearly slipped on the slick sidewalk as I hurried to open the door before Izzy could.

"Sorry," I muttered as I waited for her to climb in.

"Thank you." My eyes found hers and, once again, the sight of those chocolate brown pools caused the world to shudder to a stop.

The earth began to spin again as the loud sound of a nearby motorbike starting broke our concentration. Izzy settled herself on the seat, and I gently closed the door behind her. I was still lost in my daze though, as I made my way around the car and was so distracted by the mere presence of Izzy that I was nearly run over by the same goddamn motorbike that had killed our moment.

"Asshole," I muttered, as the driver, a giant of man dressed all in black continued to weave dangerously as he sped up the street. I took a deep breath before opening the car door and climbing in next to Izzy.

**WriteWard is from **_**The Write Stuff **_**= http:/www[dot]fanfiction[dot]net/s/5402047/1/**

_**A Banshee's Tale **_**on TWCS = www[dot]thewriterscoffeeshop[dot]?sid=2688**

**So for those who are still unsure about Alice's nickname: Pricky used to read to his baby sister and what do you read to a little girl named Alice? **_**Alice in Wonderland**_** of course. The nickname comes from the poem "Twinkle, twinkle, little bat" which is recited by the Mad Hatter in the book.**

**Next update will be up soon. Review? :)**


	18. Chapter 17

**Hey all. Here, at long last, is the first date. Enjoy. Please, please, please stay tuned at the end for some info on Fandom for Preemies. Especially if you want an extra shot of Pricky! ;)**

**Here goes . . .**

**Izzy (Bella) POV**

I frowned as a black Harley nearly took Edward out while he walked around to his side of the car. _The first date was great, Darlene. At least until Edward was run down in the street,_ I thought sarcastically as I watched the crazy driver continue to race up the street. _That would be just my luck . . . Stop it,_ I ordered myself. _This will be good._

Unconvinced, I nervously played with one of the bangles that adorned my wrists as Edward climbed into the sleek car. They weren't really my style, but I'd needed something to cover the ugly bruises Jacob had left behind. My heart raced while Edward gave the driver instructions. As we set out, he turned to me. His face was slightly flushed, and I smiled to myself. The small bit of color in his cheeks only increased the beauty of this Adonis.

"What's so funny?" He smiled softly but looked nervous as he awaited my answer.

"Nothing, um so this is a German opera?" I hastily changed the subject before the blood in my cheeks could give me away.

"Yes, by Wagner. It's quite beautiful, though rather long. We'll just be seeing highlights this afternoon. Do you know the story?"

"A bit. I think I read it a very long time ago," I admitted sheepishly.

"Wagner changed part of his story from the original version. In the opera, Tristan and Isolde's love already exists; the love potion they accidentally drink only emphasizes what was already there." Edward finished softly, and his lovely green eyes were suddenly far away.

After a minute of silence, I reached out tentatively. "Edward?" The soft touch of my fingers on his sleeve brought him back from whatever part of his mind he had ventured to.

"Sorry." He smiled apologetically before reaching into the inside pocket of his jacket. "Here. It isn't the full translation; that would be a book," he chuckled, "but it's enough to give you an idea, I think."

"Thank you." I gave him a smile before I began flipping through the pages. "So they'll just be performing highlights?" I asked.

"Yes. The full opera is over four hours. If you're interested, I have a copy. I could give it to you next time I see you." I nodded and then turned away as I felt the blood rush to my cheeks. _He's already planning a next time!_ The thought thrilled me to the core, but as silence filled the car again, I realized we would have to get over our inability to converse for any sort of relationship to develop.

I glanced back at Edward, whose eyes were on the floor. He was wringing his fingers together anxiously; the sight of a nervous Pricky made my heart ache, and I longed to tell him it would be all right. Instead, I sought out some topic of conversation to distract him, but his hands kept drawing my eyes. "You had your stitches removed?"

He looked up in surprise and then nodded. "Yeah, Rosalie took them out yesterday." He held out both hands as evidence, and I instinctively reached for them. The angry red lines had mostly faded to a soft pink. I traced them with a finger, and I heard his breath catch.

"Sorry. Did that hurt?" He shook his head, and, for a brief second, I saw so much pain and longing in his eyes, it nearly broke my heart. I squeezed his hands briefly before releasing them back to him. "So, you like opera? I wouldn't have guessed that."

"I love all music, but opera is incredible. The story and the voices; they have such power behind them." His eyes lit up as he spoke, and I was granted glimpses of what I had begun calling _my_ Edward hidden behind that mask. I kept my eyes on his as he continued. "You should be able to feel a good aria all the way to your bones; it should shake you to the core. Do you know what I mean?" He laughed and seemed to relax a little as he waited for my reaction.

I congratulated myself silently on relieving some of Edward'sanxiety. "I think so. They're always so tragic though."

Edward chuckled. "Well, granted many of them are tragedies, but there are a few comedies. _Figaro_ is a good one. Mozart was a genius. I believe PSO is performing it in the spring. Perhaps, we should go." He fell silent, and his face was suddenly anxious again.

"I think I'd like that," I replied quietly, and Edward let out a small sigh of relief. His eyes sought out mine, and we fell silent, both trapped in the other's gaze. My heart began to race, and I felt a dull pain in my chest as my lungs ached for oxygen, but I refused to look away. I was more than willing to stay lost in his gaze until my body, weak from lack of oxygen, gave in, but we were interrupted by the driver clearing his throat as the car came to a stop.

"Ah. Door to door, as promised," Edward said, shaking his head a bit at the intensity of what had just occurred between us. I looked away to try and regain some control and still my dizzy head. The stone building that was Merrill Auditorium dominated the view out my window. I studied the stonework while Edward thanked the driver and asked him to pick us up in the same spot after the show before getting out.

As he opened my door and offered his arm, I marveled at this new, gentlemanly side of the man I affectionately called Pricky. _Alice was right. There's more to him than his outward appearance._ He seemed so nervous though, and I had little doubt that _my_ Pricky did not have much practice at these things.

"Shall we?" Edward's smooth voice caught my attention, and I gratefully accepted his arm as we crossed to the doors. While we waited in line in the lobby, I let my eyes wander around the small entrance hall. The stairway up to the balconies took up one side of the lobby, and I remembered my ankle was in no fit state for stairs.

"Where are we sitting?" I eyed the staircase nervously.

Edward laughed at my reaction. "We're in the first tier of the balcony, but don't worry. We can take the elevator."

"Sorry," I muttered sheepishly.

"I don't want you getting hurt anymore than you do." He chuckled quietly before leaning in and whispering conspiratorially, "If I had to take you to the hospital, I'm sure Nurse Ratchett-uh, Rosalie, would have my head for allowing you to get hurt."

I laughed and agreed as we reached the attendant. Edward handed over our tickets and then led me through to the small line waiting for the elevators.

"How's your ankle?" Edward asked as we waited for the car to return.

"It's all right," I admitted. "It may have been a bit early to leave the crutches at home."

My arm was still wrapped around Edward's, and he pulled me in closer as the elevator doors opened. "We'll be sitting soon. You can lean on me if you need."

"Thank you," I said softly as we filed into the car with a crowd of people. Edward stood against the back wall, and I took my place in front of him. I wobbled precariously as I placed the weight on my bad ankle, and immediately I felt one of Edward's hands on my elbow, while the other came to rest just above my hip, steadying me. The small elevator car filled quickly, and I found myself pressed up against Edward, my back to his chest. I heard his breathing accelerate, and the heat from his hands suddenly felt as though it could burn a hole in my dress.

"You smell amazing." I felt his hot breath on my neck as he murmured in my ear. The heat crept up my throat as I flushed in response. My heart skipped a beat before taking off. The skin where his fingers gripped my elbows began to tingle as a surge of energy passed between us. Just as soon as it had begun, the moment passed, and the warmth of Edward's body grew distant. He pressed himself back against the wall of the elevator, and I immediately missed his closeness.

The doors opened and we waited patiently as people began filing out. A space cleared for us and Edward once again offered his arm. I took it and allowed him to lead me down the balcony to our seats. I sat down and marveled at the excellent view. We were in the front row and the stage lay before me in all its grandeur.

"Are you thirsty?" Edward's voice broke through my fascination. "They have refreshments in the lobby. I was going to grab a bottle of water if you want anything."

"I'm all set, thank you." He nodded before turning and heading back up the balcony to the exit. I took the opportunity to gather my thoughts.

The moment in the elevator had left me dizzy and unsure of myself. The feel of Edward's fingers gripping me tightly had sent a thrill through me. Jacob's firm grasp always filled me with fear and anxiety, but with Edward. . . _He was protecting me, holding me up._ Being protected was not a feeling I was used to, and it seemed so out of character for Pricky. _But how well do you really know him?_ It was certainly true that I was catching glimpses of an Edward that I hadn't known existed, and I briefly allowed myself to relish in the thought that _this_ Edward was just for me.

I longed to feel the warmth of his body against mine again. I wasn't sure whether it was nerves or modesty that had come between us in the elevator and forced him to distance himself. Another thought occurred to me and I realized that it may have been something _else_ that had come between us. I stifled a childish giggle but could not stop the crimson that crept across my cheeks.

"Are you too warm?" I jumped as Edward took a seat beside me and then promptly shook my head. "You're flushed; your cheeks are all red."

"No, they're not!" I burst out without even thinking. I quickly became absorbed in my program, letting my hair fall down around my face before Edward could continue to question me. I needn't have worried though. As I peeked through the wall my hair created, I saw that Edward was once again far away. His brow was furrowed, as though he were trying desperately to remember something. I watched him, fascinated as he concentrated hard. Finally, he shook his head; he seemed to be trying to dispel whatever thought had momentarily haunted him, and then he opened his program.

"Which is your favorite?"

"Sorry?" He looked up, mild surprise on his face.

"Your favorite song from _Tristan und Isolde_."

"Um, well that's a rather difficult question." I watched his eyes brighten though as he thought about the question, and, once again, I was pleased to have discovered a neutral topic of conversation that would not rouse Edward's anger or make him retreat behind that mask. "Isolde's aria, _Mild und liese,_ is gorgeous. Let yourself get lost in it when it's performed tonight. The emotion is just so raw." He pointed it out in my program just as the lights flickered warning us that the show was beginning.

"Ah, here we go." Edward settled back in his seat, and I followed suit, pulling out the translation he had brought me.

As the lights dimmed, I was suddenly hyperaware of Edward beside me and the current of electricity that passed between us. Though we were not touching, the same jolt I always felt at his touch raced from Edward to me and back again. I felt my breathing accelerate and wondered if his did the same; I could not tell as the music began.

I glanced at Edward out of the corner of my eye, anxious for some clue that he felt what I felt. He was sitting absolutely still, hypnotized by the music that floated up from the stage. A lock of bronze hair had fallen across his forehead and just grazed his eyebrow. Even as I saw it, my fingers longed to reach out and brush it back in place, but I didn't want to disturb him. His fascination with the music made him look young, carefree. It was a sight I had not seen before; even in my rare glimpses of what lingered behind his mask, never had I seen Edward look so innocent and childlike. My heart ached to hold him, to run my fingers through those bronze locks, but I resisted, curling my hands into fists and nearly sitting on them.

I quickly turned to the stage to distract myself. Isolde had taken center stage; her voice carried across the auditorium so powerfully, I was astounded, and instantly, I was as lost in the music as Edward.

As the concert went on, Edward and the stage continued to vie for my attention; Edward won usually. Seeing his reactions to the music and to the energy that flowed from the stage and encompassed us only heightened every word that poured from Tristan and Isolde. By the time Edward's favorite aria, and the final song, began, I couldn't imagine enjoying a concert any other way.

As the German lyrics began to weave their way across the auditorium, I hurriedly scanned through the translation, anxious to know what Isolde was singing about it. _Mild und liese_ was the final song of the opera. In the story, Tristan had just died and Isolde sings a beautiful love song to him before joining him in death. The passion and love that filled the room was palpable. Edward was completely captivated as the song began, and I had to drag my eyes from him to read the lyrics.

_Mildly and gently, how he smiles . . .  
Do you see it, friends? Don't you see it?  
Brighter and brighter, how he shines,  
Illuminated by stars, rises high?_

My breath caught in my throat as the music began to build and with it, my heart rate. Edward's eyes shone, augmenting his beauty, and I couldn't bear to look away. Isolde continued in her adoration of her dear Tristan as he lay, lost forever, beside her.

_Do I alone hear this melody, which wonderfully and softly  
Lamenting delight, telling it all…  
Invades me, swings upward,  
Sweetly resonating, rings around me?_

It was as if Isolde was singing of _my _Tristan, Edward, who hid himself behind this mask. The idea that I alone could see the beauty of the man beside me was both stimulating and saddening. _Why does he hide himself away?_ I allowed myself to dream again, to imagine that the beautiful melody that was knit through Edward's soul was meant for me, and me alone.

_Shall I breathe?  
Shall I listen?  
Shall I drink, immerse?  
Sweetly in fragrances, melt away?  
In the billowing torrent,  
In the resonating sound,  
In the wafting universe of the world-  
Drown  
Be engulfed…_

The final notes echoed in my ears and the song ended to tumultuous applause. Edward rose, clapping loudly with a small grin on his face. I quickly began applauding, as well, fearful he might catch me staring. As the show ended and the lights turned on, Edward resumed his seat and turned to me, smiling. "So, did you enjoy the concert?"

"Immensely. You?"

"Quite. It was an excellent show. That may have been one of the best renditions of _Mild und liese _I've ever heard." Edward trailed off as his mind wandered again, and I longed to know what he was thinking. He shook it off and was back with me before I could work up the courage to ask him though. "Well, we should probably let the line for the elevator clear out a bit before we head for the restaurant. I don't want you standing too long on that ankle."

"I think my ankle will be fine," I said, smiling, but we remained in our seats. Edward smiled back at me and gestured to the program.

"Did you have a favorite? Were you able to look over the translation at all?"

"A bit. _Mild und liese_ was . . . incredible. You were right. It gave me goosebumps." I giggled and held up my arm as proof. Edward's finger ran the length of it sending shivers of pleasure through my body. His hand reached mine and encased it gently. We fell silent, both of us focused on our entwined fingers.

Edward cleared his throat and rose. "Well, it looks like the line has died down a bit. Are you hungry?" I nodded, and he offered me his arm. I stood, and Edward wrapped his arm securely around my waist, holding me steady. The closeness of his body, the smell of his aftershave made me weak in the knees and Edward had to pull me closer.

"Are you sure you'll be all right?" The worry in his voice made my heart melt, and I couldn't find my voice to answer, so I just nodded again. "Okay, well let's go." We made our way slowly to the elevator. Edward's stormy green eyes were trained on me the whole way, concern etched in his features.

We still had to wait a few minutes for a car to take us to the lobby and Edward took the opportunity to tell me about his favorite pieces. He spoke of pitch, keys, allegro and other terms I did not know. I tried to listen closely and was startled to learn that music was not just entertainment for Edward; it was an art of the highest degree.

"What other pieces did you enjoy?" Edward turned to me and I realized, ashamedly, that I did not have an answer. Edward had dominated my concert.

I felt the blush creep to my cheeks as my gaze dropped to the floor. "Actually, I was more enthralled with you than the show." The words were out before I could stop them, and my blush deepened.

I heard Edward's breath catch and then felt his hand on my chin, drawing my eyes to his; everything disappeared. Nothing existed beyond those stormy green eyes that consumed my entire being. My body gravitated to his, and suddenly I was pressed against him, our hearts beating as one. My lips tingled in anticipation and I longed for his kiss. His hot breath tickled my chin and the warmth of his body radiated through me; I had to bite my lip to keep from moaning.

"Ahem." A man behind us in line for the elevator cleared his throat loudly and broke our moment. I nearly snarled at the bastard and was pleased to see the nasty look Edward flashed at him before leading me into the car. I found myself in the same position as our first elevator ride and a thrill rushed through me at Edward's touch.

**Edward POV**

My heart immediately began to race as we stepped into the elevator.I was seething and had a burning desire to reach out for the man who had interrupted us and punch him in the teeth. My anger combined with how closely Izzy was standing had my blood racing. The warmth of her body and the way it seemed to mold to mine perfectly had the blood racing to one place in particular. Again. I cursed my manhood silently and was forced to step back as far as possible to avoid detection. After embedding the elevator rail into my left kidney, I could only pray Izzy wouldn't notice my dick embedded in _her_ kidney.

The elevator was painfully slow and by the time we reached the lobby, I wanted to suggest we skip dinner and go straight back to my place. I quickly remembered that my place was not empty and Alice's shrill voice echoed in my mind once again. "No fucking on the first date." I groaned, knowing yet again that Alice was right.

"What's wrong?" Izzy was looking up at me, concerned, as we exited the elevator.

"Uh, nothing. I'm starving. How about you?" I asked hastily.

"Sure. Where are we going?" Izzy took my arm as she awaited my answer, and I had to suppress a smile at how natural it felt.

"I've made reservations at a little place in the Old Port called Street and Company. It's supposed to be some of the best seafood in town. Wonderful atmosphere as well."

"It's supposed to be? Have you been before?"

"I have not. It was recommended to me by . . . a friend." Jasper and Alice had discovered the restaurant while exploring the Old Port and, after enjoying a hearty lunch, had mentioned it to me. It had been another one of Alice's Helpful Hints as I had begun calling them. I had grasped at this one desperately as Sunday drew nearer, and I prayed Alice had chosen well.

My answer made Izzy smile for some reason, and for a brief second, I had a dire need to read her mind. My wish was fruitless even as a small bit of color softened her face, emphasizing her beauty. I kept my eyes trained on her as we walked to the car and felt a pang of dejection as I released her arm so she could climb in the car.

I shut the door behind her and then hurried around the car, anxious to be back at her side. I glanced around for any psycho bikers before climbing into the car and directing the driver to the restaurant. As we pulled away from the curb, I turned to Izzy and opened my mouth . . . and had no idea what to say. We'd basically covered standard small talk and the part of the date I had been dreading had arrived.

"Did you study music?" Izzy broke the silence, and I was quite grateful. "You sound like you know more than the average person," she explained.

"I played piano when I was a child."

"You don't play anymore?"

"No. I . . ." I broke off before shaking my head and dropping any attempt at an explanation. Izzy was not deterred however.

"Why not?"

" I . . .I just don't have time." I could tell she did not believe me, and the determination in her eyes was both a surprise and a turn-on. My mind, one track that it had, immediately pictured Izzy astride my baby grand, fire in her eyes and long brown locks tumbling over creamy breasts. I had to shift in my seat as the image made my pants uncomfortably tight.

"Do you miss it?" Izzy's question made me start in surprise. People who learned about my talent with the ivory keys usually asked why I had stopped playing, why I never started again, why I would waste such talent. No one had ever asked if I missed it, and I stopped to think about Izzy's question.

Memories from my childhood flooded my mind as I dwelled on my piano-playing days. Images of my father smiling down at me as my mother sat beside me made my heart ache. I could still hear her laughter weaving into the notes of Chopsticks as we played together. The love, the joy that had filled that household had long ago been extinguished, but the full weight of it still warmed my memories.

"Yes, I do," I whispered, _but I'll never have it again._ I fell silent, embarrassed by my admission, and turned away as pain washed over me. _Why does this girl break through my defenses with every word?_ I fought for control and was rewarded with a distraction as we pulled on to Wharf Street.

The driver parked in front of the restaurant and after giving him an approximate time, I climbed out of the car. The sight of a nearby motorcycle made me dart out of the street and rush to Izzy's door. I laughed nervously at myself.

"M'lady." I offered my arm and was pleased to see a blushing smile cross Izzy's face. _Sap,_ my inner voice scoffed. _Shut up. _I didn't have time to think about what this woman did to me; I would have to figure that out later.

I held Izzy steady as we made our way across the cobblestones. As we walked into Street and Company, the smell wafting from the kitchen wrapped around us and made my stomach growl. I gave the hostess my name, and she led us up into the small dining room. It was only about half full, and the small table that she gestured to was on the far side of the room; combined with the soft lighting, it was quite private. I thanked her and quickly remembered Alice's Helpful Hint #3: Pull out her chair.

My haste nearly cost Izzy a toe though, and I stammered an apology before taking my own seat. "I'm not very good at this," I muttered, cursing myself silently.

"You're doing fine." Izzy's voice was as low as mine, and we both kept our eyes on the table, embarrassed.

The waitress broke the uncomfortable silence and handed us both menus. My mind was buzzing so much, that I did not hear any of the specials and just stared at the menu in front of me while the waitress continued.

"Anything to drink for you, sir?" The waitress's voice was so falsely alluring, I nearly rolled my eyes. I heard a small sigh from Izzy, and my eyes were drawn to her. Her gaze was fixed on the table. Her bottom lip was caught in her teeth, and I longed to reach out and free it.

"No, thanks." I refused to even look at the waitress, keeping my eyes trained on Izzy. The waitress finally left, and Izzy glanced up to catch me staring.

"Uh, do you know what you want?" Izzy was still biting her lip, and I attempted to focus on my menu.

"I think I'll go with the Scallops in Pernod and Cream, you?" I finally replied.

"The grilled lobster sounds delicious," Izzy admitted.

"Then get it." I smiled encouragingly. "Do you like calamari?"

"I've never had it." Izzy laughed shyly.

"Well, we'll have to change that." I waived the waitress back over. Ignoring her pathetic attempts to steal my attention, I ordered our food. "Izzy, would you like to share a bottle of wine?"

"That would be divine." She smiled at me, and I let my eyes linger on her a little longer than was necessary. I hoped the waitress would take the hint.

Glancing at the wine list, I chose quickly. "A bottle of your Pascal Jolivet Sancerre as well please." I closed my menu and handed it to the waitress, keeping my gaze on Izzy. Izzy watched the waitress walk away and then turned back to me.

_What's the point of conversation anyway?_ I sought out something to talk about, and the scars on my hands drew my gaze. "So did Rosalie take good care of you?" _Rosalie's an easy topic of conversation. Surely Izzy didn't catch our conversation that day._ Rosalie had read me like an open book and inferred a number of things that I wasn't sure _I_ had even known about myself.

Izzy looked surprised but nodded. "She was excellent. She's . . . quite insightful. She seemed to know you pretty well considering you two had only met a few days prior."

She looked thoughtful, and it was my turn to be surprised. I thought back to my interactions with Rosalie and realized how right Izzy was. "Um, yes, I suppose she is and she does. She's quite the woman. You're much more observant than I gave you credit for." I paused as Izzy shifted uncomfortably. "Sorry, we can talk about something else." I wondered if Rosalie had dissected Izzy as she had me.

We were interrupted by our appetizer arriving. I laughed as Izzy eyed the squid skeptically. "It tastes a lot better than it looks." I thanked the waitress before stabbing a piece of calamari on my fork.

The smell of garlic and roasted tomatoes wafted up from the plate and Izzy closed her eyes. She inhaled deeply and moaned. It was the most erotic thing I'd ever seen. "God, it smells amazing!" I had no words, and I was immediately thankful for the table which was now hiding my rather prominent erection.

I held out the fork to Izzy, and we froze in each other's gaze. I felt my heart race and my pants tighten again as she opened her mouth to try the calamari. The sight of her tongue running across her lip almost made me groan out loud. I struggled to keep my breathing under control as I watched her chew the calamari slowly.

"How is it?" I finally asked, unable to take the sensual sight of her mouth a moment longer.

"Fascinating." She laughed. "Actually it's incredible. I never thought I'd enjoy squid."

"Sometimes you have to take a chance," I said quietly, and I wondered if I was still talking about seafood. I hastily broke the silence that followed my declaration. "So, what were we talking about?"

"Rosalie." Her face remained passive; I wished I could tell what she was thinking.

"Right, Rosalie." I snagged a piece of calamari for myself as Izzy eyed me.

"So you said she was 'quite the woman.'"

"I did," I said, swallowing hard. "Rosalie is strong-willed and not afraid to say what she means. It's refreshing."

"She's beautiful." Izzy's voice was soft as she reached for her fork.

"She is." I pushed the plate towards her and leaned in, adding, "But she's not my type."

She looked at me uncertainly, before quietly asking, "What is your type?"

"'Who' might be a better question." I was rewarded with a blush creeping into her cheeks, and the sight did not help the painfully uncomfortable situation in my pants.

"How is everything?" _I'd like to stab you with my fork,_ I thought sarcastically as the waitress interrupted us.

"Excellent," Izzy answered breathlessly, her eyes still on me. "Thank you." Her final words were clipped, and the waitress took them for what they were: a dismissal.

I chuckled as the woman walked away. This fiery side of Izzy that I kept catching glimpses of turned me on to no end. "Anyway," I said continuing the conversation, "I think Rosalie has eyes for another."

Izzy laughed. "Dr. McCarty, perhaps? Yeah, she's head over heels for that boy. Funny how she hasn't just asked him out. He's sweet on her too."

"Rosalie may seem quite strong, but it seems she is still unsure of herself in the love department." _She's not the only one._

"Wow, that was quite insightful, Edward."

I laughed. "God, that was, wasn't it? My sister must be rubbing off on me." I shook my head and groaned in mock horror.

"Your sister?"

"Yes, she's up visiting me. It's been a . . . rather enlightening experience."

Izzy laughed, and the sound was beautiful, music to my well-trained ears. "Well, maybe we should fix the Rosalie situation," she whispered conspiratorially.

"You think we should set them up?" She nodded as a grin spread across her face. "We could arrange a secret double date," I suggested.

"That sounds like an excellent plan." Her words thrilled me as I realized I had just assured myself of a second date with Izzy. We finished the calamari and secured our plan to get Dr. McCarty and Rosalie together.

When our entrées arrived, I shifted the conversation to Izzy. "So you know that I love music. What do you enjoy?"

Izzy paused mid-bite. "Well, I . . . it's a bit silly, I suppose."

"What is?" I pressed.

"I," she looked at me with fear in her eyes, "I paint, actually. I mean I did as a child and have just recently started again. It's just a dumb hobby."

"There's nothing wrong with hobbies." Izzy focused on her lobster, and I didn't understand her fear about revealing to me that she painted. "I think that's great, Izzy." She gave me a soft smile. "Maybe I could see some of your work sometime."

"No!" She nearly shouted the word and immediately covered her mouth as her outburst drew looks from the other patrons. "Sorry, it's just, it's private. Do you ever play in front of other people?"

"Point taken," I replied. We resumed eating in silence, and I let my mind wander to the music that flowed out of the speakers. A new song began, and though I did not recognize the singer, I concentrated on the lyrics.

_Are you tired from the battles fought?  
All the years that you won or lost?  
Are you tired and shaken from it all?_

I _was_ tired. This life I had created for myself had crumbled around me. I couldn't understand why or how, but I was sure that I could not turn back. I was drowning and Izzy was likely my only hope of rescue. The idea terrified me; as though the singer could read my very thoughts, his voice continued, echoing through my head.

_Are you scared that you'll lose control?  
As you cling to the words you know?  
In the silence you start to lose your hope.  
In the silence you dream of letting go._

_Can you let go, Edward? _I sighed, wondering if I would ever be worthy of the beautiful woman who sat across from me. _No._ The answer came to me and left me despondent.

_As the stillness around you grows, there's a sound that you have always known.  
There's a sound familiar to your bones._

_And maybe the clouds will open wide.  
And maybe you'll let us see you smile...from the sky._

I wanted to smile, to make Izzy smile. I tried to fight the anxiousness that rushed through me. Court, criminals, trials; these were things I knew. None of them even created a hint of fear in me; the small, pale, brown-eyed beauty across from me, on the other hand, scared the shit out of me.

_She has an uncanny knack for getting things out of me._ I looked up at Izzy and watched her eat for awhile. I had given up; delicious though the food was, my nerves were too strained to eat. I honed in on the soft strains of music again.

_You can go, someone calls for you.  
You can go, to the arms that you once knew.  
You can go, they're open wide for you._

_The arms that you once knew . . ._ My thoughts turned to Bella, and I wondered if she was the reason that Izzy had such an effect on me, the reason for the random feeling of déjà vu that had been haunting me all evening. I glanced up again, eager for Izzy's soft brown eyes and pale cheeks painted with pink. _Bella is a memory. Izzy is sitting right in front of you . . . and staring at you._

"Are you all right?" Izzy's voice was gentle, worried. She bit her lip again in nervousness, and the sight nearly undid me.

"Fine, just full. How's your lobster?"

"It's incredible, and the wine is perfect. Are you feeling all right? We could-" She motioned to the door, downcast, and I quickly shook my head.

"No, I'm fine really." I reached across the table to reassure her, and my hand wrapped around hers. Her velvet skin was warm and soft; I stared at in wonder before raising my gaze to find hers. Our eyes locked and once again, I was lost in her.

Vulnerable and terrified, ecstatic and aroused; every emotion raced through me. I was completely immersed in Izzy, in this strange connection we had. It was as though our souls were bound together, and she knew every piece of me. Though it frightened me, I would not, _could_ not turn away. My whole body grew weak and my lungs burned as we sat there, hands entwined, eyes taking in nothing but each other.

"Do you want to see our dessert menu?" _Goddamn, motherfucking, cock-blocking little bitch!_ Anger flashed across my face, and Izzy dropped her eyes. _Oh fuck._

"No, just the bill," I snapped, trying to recite Alice's Helpful Hint# 2: Keep your temper in check. Izzy and I kept our eyes safely on the table until the check arrived. She tried to offer me money, and I promptly turned her down. "My treat. Are you ready?" I was working hard to control my voice; anger raced through my veins at the interruption. The waitress had poor timing; that was for damn sure, but what infuriated me far more was that small voice in the back of my head whispering that this was for the best. _You don't deserve her. You'll only hurt her._

"I'm just going to go to the ladies room." Izzy looked at me, hesitating.

"Will you be all right to make it on your ankle?" She nodded and gave me a small smile before rising and taking her purse. I watched her go and missed her before she was out of sight.

**Izzy (Bella) POV**

I walked into the bathroom and locked the door behind me. My knees were weaker than my damn ankle after that moment with Edward. He had not turned away, shut me out. _At least, not until the waitress showed up._ It gave me hope. Maybe I could help him take down that wall. I wanted Edward to be himself with me.

I had seen glimpses here and there: nervous Edward, shy Edward, scared Edward, _my_ Pricky. Each one made me love him more. _I just wish I could _tell_ him th-_ I paused mid-thought. _Love? What? _My mind went blank with shock. _Love? _The subconscious word threw me. _I barely know him. I _like_ him, sure, but love? _My heart pounded in my ears, and I took several deep breaths to steady myself. The thought refused to leave, so I desperately pushed it down into the dark depths of my mind to further dissect later. I fought to calm myself before leaving the bathroom.

Edward was waiting for me by the restaurant entrance. He was speaking to the hostess with my jacket in his hands. A brief flash of jealousy ripped through me until his eyes found me. The smile that spread across his face was for me, and me alone. My heart leapt as he helped me into the jacket before offering his arm and leading me out of the restaurant. The car was waiting just up the block a ways, and Edward talked nonchalantly about the food as we walked.

"The food was excellent; the waitress . . ." I trailed off, and Edward chuckled. Neither of us spoke any further about what had occurred over dinner as Edward opened my door for me.

I climbed into the car and settled into my seat. As I looked up to thank him, Edward was gazing off in the distance with a strange look on his face. He snapped out of his trance almost immediately though and smiled at me before closing the door.

We drove back to my apartment in a comfortable silence, the smile on my face mirrored on Edward's. When we pulled up to my building, Edward insisted on accompanying me all the way to my door.

We stood there awkwardly for a moment, afraid to look into each other's eyes. My heart was racing, and I bit my lip as nervousness filled me. Every nerve in my body was tingling. My heart was beating so hard, I was sure Edward must have been able to hear it. I bit down on my lip hard, praying the pain would help me gain control of myself.

I felt Edward's hand touch my face gently, and I whimpered in surprise. He lifted my chin so that our eyes met in the dim light of the hallway. I felt his thumb tug at my lip until he freed it from the grasp of my teeth. My breath came in short gasps as he stared deep into my eyes. His stormy green irises were filled with pain, longing, and a host of other unrecognizable emotions as he gazed on me.

"Izzy." His voice, racked with need, filled my ears, and I thirsted for more. I leaned in, desperate to be nearer to Edward. I needed to be closer to him, to feel his breath on my cheek, his hand on my waist. I hungered for the manly, musky scent of Edward that permeated my whole being. I was sure my panties were wet; the lust that had grown in the pit of my stomach was undeniable.

Edward's hand snaked around my waist, and he pulled me flush against him. My pulse took off. I could feel his heart pounding against my breast and once again, our hearts were beating in unison. His hot breath grazed my lips as he leaned in closer. My entire body exploded in a heat I had never known as his bottom lip brushed against mine. He held his face just centimeters from mine, inhaling deeply. I was paralyzed, locked in his gaze as he peered deep into my soul, drinking of me from the deepest recesses.

"Edward!" My small cry of need broke his resolve, and suddenly his lips were pressed firmly against mine. Every ounce of lust and need that hastened through my veins, suddenly burst out of me. My hands were on the back of his neck, my fingers curled into his soft bronze locks as I pulled him in even closer. He moaned against my mouth and then pulled away. I gave a soft cry, needing more, but it was unnecessary.

Edward took a deep breath, and less than a second passed before his lips sought mine again. I felt his tongue trace my bottom lip before gently parting my lips. I welcomed it willingly, sighing in pleasure against him. The hand on my waist inched lower before pulling my hips into his. My breasts were flush against Edward's chest and the friction made my nipples harden. I gasped quietly and then moaned as I felt Edward press his erection into my hip. The kiss deepened, tongues laved, grips tightened and emotion, attraction and need threatened to overtake both if us.

Edward groaned and pulled away, this time putting distance between us. I protested and took a step towards him, but he put his hands on my shoulders. "Not tonight, Izzy," he said, panting. "I . . . I want to do this right." His voice was barely a whisper as he struggled with himself. "Not tonight."

My body screamed its dissent, but I could not find the words. Edward reached up to stroke my cheek, and I closed my eyes in pleasure and leaned into his hand. "Thank you," he whispered.

"Edward-" I felt a finger against my lips and opened my eyes to see his face an inch from mine.

"Good night, Izzy." He gave me a soft kiss and one more longing look before trailing his hand down the length of my arm. His hand gave mine a gentle squeeze before he turned and walked away, my hand in his until he was out of my reach.

**All right, folks! Listen up, please. I am on board to submit an IKTE outtake for ****Fandom for Preemies****. The money is for a great cause and with your donation to the March of Dimes, you'll receive a document with a host of outtakes, one-shots, etc from a number of authors (including my beta, IrishTwiFicster). I'm not sure if I'll be posting the outtake at some point but if you want it ahead of everyone else, go save some babies! Details are here. Please check it out! http:/fandomforpreemies[dot]blogspot[dot]com/**

Fic recs:

**Kiss Me, I'm Irish** new fic by my beta and wifey, IrishTwiFicster, absolutely BRILLIANT! 200 reviewers after only 2 chapters can't be wrong, peeps! Check it out = http:/www[dot]fanfiction[dot]net/s/6353127/1/

**Burning in the Skies** new fic that I beta, Surferward is hawt, hawt, hawt! (I heart board shorts) Go leave EternaAlba some love http:/www[dot]fanfiction[dot]net/s/6344051/1/

Songs featured:

_Mild un liese_ from _Tristan und Isolde_ by Richard Wagner

_From the Sky_ by Peter Bradley Adams

**Review?**


	19. Chapter 18

**Much love to my betas, IrishTwiFicster, whose fic **_**Kiss Me, I'm Irish**_** is taking off like wildfire, and ladyeire3 who has just *sniff* completed her first ever fic, **_**Bella Swan and the Tablet of Truth**_**. Go check out both stories. They're stupendous. **

**As always, standard disclaimer: Everything belongs to Steph. Pricky, however, is mine. ;)**

**One more thing before I go: Fandom for Preemies! The compilation is ready, folks, and it is amazing! 1267 pages of fic-licious fabulousness, including our very own Pricky. Please head over to http:/fandomforpreemies[dot]blogspot[dot]com/ to find out how you can get a hold of this incredible compilation. You will not regret it!**

**Chapter 18**

**Izzy (Bella) POV**

My heart was still pounding as I closed the door to my apartment behind me. Edward's words rang in my ears, and I leaned against the door as my mind continued to replay his sultry voice. "I want to do this right."

_What does he mean by that?_ I hoped it meant I was more than just another conquest for Edward Cullen, Esq., more than another trial to win . . . just something_ more!_ Even as I entertained the thought, my inner bitch scoffed. It was a weak protest though; even she could not hold back the images of _Pricky_ opening doors and pulling out chairs. _He was a gentleman tonight._ I smirked as my inner bitch failed to produce a snarky comeback.

I could still feel Edward's touch on my cheek, the warmth of his hand on my hip. My body tingled all over, and my heartbeat accelerated as I recalled the heat of his body pressed against mine. I sank to the floor, lost in the memory of Edward and hugged my knees to myself, trying to get my breathing to return to normal.

The date had gone better than I had thought it would. _At least, I think it did._ I had never felt like this before. Not in all my years with Jake, not in the handful of guys I'd dated causally since. I wanted Edward. I _needed_ him. The sound of an apartment door slamming down the hallway made me jump and ripped me from my fantasies. _Are you just going to sit here all night, Izzy?_ I laughed and slowly got to my feet, slightly unsteadily.

As I made my way down the hall, I realized slightly crestfallen, that it had been far too soon to leave the crutches at home. I snagged some Motrin and a water bottle on my way through the kitchen. I wasn't going to let my stupid ankle get me down. Edward had wound me up like a spring; I needed some release, and my thoughts went to my vibrating friend in my nightstand. _I'll likely break out the rabbit tonight_, I thought, smiling.

Heat crept across my face as I realized Edward likely had the same issue. I had felt his arousal against my hip; the idea that _I _had done that to him excited me to no end. I bit my lip and hobbled to my bedroom. Throwing my coat on the bed, I flung myself beside it. I could not wipe the grin from my face as I lay there, imagining Edward beside me. I giggled and sat back up.

"Get a hold of yourself, Izzy." I continued to giggle as I glanced at my painting out of habit. I froze in horror before bolting to the bathroom to vomit.

* * *

I sat on the couch, crying and shaking. My fingers trembled as I dialed. "Alice?" I started sobbing again as she answered. "Please just come. I can't – I can't explain." I gave her my address and hung up. Hugging my knees to my chest again, I was greeted with the sick irony that I had been in this position only a few minutes before, reminiscing about my time with Edward.

Now, I was here, red-eyed and bleary. My throat still burned from the return of the calamari. I had spent twenty minutes expelling my dinner, and I felt weak, drained, after seeing . . . I hugged myself closer, desperately trying to exorcise the horror that coursed through my veins, and waited for Alice to arrive.

The knock on the door made me jump; I felt my stomach seize at the noise, but it stilled as I rose. I walked faster than I thought possible but paused as I reached the door. My hands shook. My heart raced as I tried to speak, to ask who was there, but my mouth had gone dry.

Another knock. "Izzy?" Alice's voice was like a wave of relief washing over me. Struggling with the deadbolt, I finally unlocked the door and ripped it open.

"Alice?" Her name was all I could get out before I burst into tears. She was immediately holding me as I cried. Alice led me to the couch and made me sit. I tried to explain but couldn't stop crying long enough to catch my breath, so Alice just held me. She rocked me and stroked my hair until my tears ran dry.

Finally, I sat up and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry, Alice. I'm just - I didn't know who else to call. I . . . I . . ."

"Honey, it's all right. I'm glad you called." She took my hands in hers. "Izzy, what's going on? What happened?"

My mind still could not process what had happened, so I stood and led Alice to my bedroom. She gasped as she saw what remained of my painting. _My beautiful painting._ I felt tears welling again and had to choke back a sob as I turned away from the shredded canvas. The large black letters loomed in front of my eyes, haunting me. In thick black paint, the word SLUT had been written across the shredded canvas. The only recognizable piece of the painting was the stormy green eyes that had always brought me comfort. They only brought pain and fear now. Even when I closed my eyes, I could still see the knife that had been driven in between the eyes of the boy on the beach. In a few short minutes, Jacob had destroyed everything.

The knife was a message, even clearer than the four letter word that had been written in paint. The blade was six inches of cold, unrelenting steel; its edge was sharper than the words of its owner. The handle was a rusty brown, with an intricate wolf carved into it. It had been formed from an antler of the first deer Jacob had killed. His grandfather had given it to him when he was fourteen, and now, it seemed, Jacob had left it for me.

"You shouldn't be distracting yourself with these stupid little hobbies!" Jacob's harsh words rang in my ears, and I felt my breath come in hitches as panic overtook me. Once again, Jacob was making the decisions for me, running my life. I grasped blindly for the wall as spots appeared before my eyes.

I felt a strong arm grip my own and nearly stumbled away from it before Alice's voice brought me back to my senses. "Izzy. Izzy! Sweetie, breathe!" She led me to the bed, and though I tried to look away, my eyes were drawn to the destroyed painting. "Izzy, who did this? Was it _him_?" I nodded mutely. "We need to call the police."

"No, Alice, I-"

"Izzy, he broke into your apartment. He destroyed your painting. What if you'd been here? Do you think he would have kept his violent behavior directed at inanimate objects?"

My fingers subconsciously circled my left wrist and though I tried to hide it, Alice immediately grabbed my hand and pulled it to her. "Jesus, Izzy." A deep sadness filled her eyes as she spied the bruises, and I was instantly sorry that I had dragged her into this.

"Alice, I shouldn't have called. I'm sorry. I-"

"No," she said firmly. "I'm going to call the police, and then you and I are going to talk."

"Alice, I don't think the police need to be involved. Look, it's just-"

"Izzy, I can call the cops from here, or I can call them from my brother's apartment. I'm sorry, but either way . . ." She trailed off, and I sighed, resigned.

"All right," I whispered.

"Sweetie, this won't go away on its own."

"I know." I nodded. I _did_ know. Once Jacob set his sights on something, there would be no stopping him. _Ten years, ten fucking years since we last dated, and I still can't get away. _Silent tears fell as Alice dialed 911 and reported the break-in. I curled up on my bed and then regretted staying in the bedroom. The sad green eyes beckoned me but my gaze would only then be drawn to the knife that jutted out between them.

I shivered and curled up into a tighter ball. "They're on their way, Izzy." I merely nodded and shut my eyes tight. The knife still loomed in front of me though. "It's going to be okay, Izzy. I can call my brother too or your friend, Darlene, if-"

"No! Please, this is mortifying enough," I whispered.

"It's not your fault." Alice's voice was low and soothing, and though I longed to believe her, my inner bitch did not have the strength to harp on Jacob tonight. As such, all the doubts I had about Jacob, about his intentions, and about our relationship were racing through my mind. _He loved you. He waited for you . . . _I choked back a sob, unable to shield myself from the terror of my own thoughts.

Alice pulled me from the bed and led me back out to the living room. "Izzy . . ." She trailed off as words failed her. I fought the tears desperately and tried to get myself under control.

"Who is this guy?" Alice finally asked.

"An ex-boyfriend," I mumbled.

"Ex? Is he not understanding that?"

"I thought he did. I told him how I felt. Jesus, I moved across the fucking country." I curled up into a ball and shook my head.

"He followed you here from Washington?" When I nodded, Alice continued her questions. "How long ago did you two break up?"

"Ten years."

"Ten _years_! Jesus. How long has this been going on?" She gestured back to the bedroom.

"He's never broken into my. . ." _The crackers? Oh God! _Horror crept through my body, turning my veins to ice as I realized Jacob probably _had _broken into my apartment before.

"Izzy?"

"Last week, he came to visit me." My voice was barely a whisper; Alice had to lean in to hear me. "He knew where things were. Things were moved and, oh God."

Alice reached out and grabbed my hand, steadying me as I began to tremble. "Before last week, did he ever come here?" I shook my head.

"I don't think so, but. . ."

"But?"

"He said that he saw me on my trips home for Christmas. He knew what I was wearing, what I ate for dinner." I shuddered and gripped Alice's hand tighter.

"He's been stalking you," Alice said; it was not a question.

"Yes, no . . . I don't know."

"Izzy, I'd say this guy is obsessed with you."

"Yeah." My conversation with Charlie came back to me then. Alice must have seen the change in my expression.

"What?" she demanded.

"He's been hanging out with my father," I mumbled.

"Your father?" Alice looked dumbfounded. "Why?"

"I don't know. Charlie - my father - said that Jacob spent most of the time talking about me, asking questions about my childhood."

"That's fucking creepy. What does your father do?"

"He's a cop."

"Your dad's a fucking cop, and he didn't see this behavior as strange?" Alice looked at me incredulously.

"I don't discuss my relationships much with Charlie. Apparently, he chose to believe that because we were still friends we would get back together. Jacob obviously still loves me."

"I don't know if I would call that love, Izzy. Your father's been clueless for ten years?"

"I know, right?" I gave a hollow laugh.

"Does he know now?"

"Yes."

"You should call him, tell him about tonight."

"No."

"Izzy."

"No, there's nothing he can do, Alice. He's thousands of miles away. He'll just want to fly here and if he . . . Alice, if he saw the bruises, he'd likely kill Jacob."

"Yeah, I know what you mean." I was surprised when Alice nodded understandingly but then remembered she'd had the same issue with her brother.

A knock on the door made me jump. My breath came in short gasps until I began seeing spots. Alice gave my hand a quick squeeze before heading to answer the door. I wanted to scream at her, beg her not to open it. _It's him! Alice, don't open it! _But I could not find my voice, and I quickly remembered the lock had not stopped him earlier in the evening.

Even the gruff voice that announced the two Portland police officers did not dispel the panic that raced through me. Not until they had walked in and I could see that neither was Jacob did my heart rate begin to slow. I kept glancing behind them though, waiting for him to jump out of the shadows.

"Which of you called?" The officer with a gruff voice was accompanied by a slender redheaded woman, who now looked at me before turning her gaze to Alice.

"I called," Alice replied, "but this is Izzy's apartment."

The cops nodded and the male began speaking with Alice while the redhead joined me on the couch. "Ma'am, this is your apartment?"

I nodded but kept my eyes on the floor. I could feel my cheeks warming with embarrassment as she continued to question me. Was I home when it happened? Did I know the perp'? How long had I known him? What was the nature of our relationship? Did he have a violent history? Had he broken into the apartment before?

I froze on that question, unsure how to answer. "Ma'am?" The woman looked at me intently and repeated the question. "Has he ever broken into this apartment or another place you've lived before?"

"I . . . I don't know."

"Why do you hesitate?"

"I just, I got the feeling that maybe he had but he's never done _this_." I gestured to my bedroom.

"Okay." She nodded and then rose. "Why don't you show me the damage?"

My legs felt like lead; I had no desire to go back in the bedroom, but I rose beside her and led her across the living room. I paused inside the doorway to my room, fearful of entering. I kept my gaze trained on the floor as the cop eyed the damage.

"Was it your painting?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah. He-Jacob hates that I paint."

"How do you know it was this _Jacob_?"

"That's his knife," I whispered. "His grandfather gave it to him when he was 14."

Alice and the other cop had joined us, and I felt Alice's warm arm wrap around my waist. "We'll bag this and snap some photos. Miss Swan, did you have the deadbolt thrown when you left this afternoon?"

"No, I . . . I was in a hurry and-"

The male cop gave me a stern but kind look. "It looks like he picked the lock, but you'll want to remember to throw the deadbolt whether you're home or not. That should keep him out."

I nodded as tears blossomed in my eyes. Alice squeezed me tighter, and I leaned into her. "Miss Swan, do you have a restraining order against this creep?" The redhead walked back over to where Alice and I stood while her partner began snapping photos.

I shook my head, but Alice piped in. "We're working on it. My brother's a lawyer and he's getting the papers together."

"Good. The sooner, the better. You can file a copy of our report with the judge. That should speed things up."

"Your report?" For the first time since I had entered the room, I lifted my eyes from the floor.

"Yes, ma'am. You do wish to press charges, correct?" Her words floated in my ears, but I couldn't grasp their meaning. The cop eyed me worriedly. "Ma'am?"

Her red hair caught the last rays of the setting sun that streamed in from the bedroom window. The flash of color reminded me of another bright red spot of color. I turned to the painting, but the girl with the pail was completely destroyed.

Completely covered now by the harsh black paint, the girl I had begun imagining as me when I was a child had disappeared. She, like me, had been swallowed by Jacob's anger until nothing but he remained. A strange sound echoed through the room and it took me a minute to realize it was me sobbing again.

"Yes, she does wish to press charges." I couldn't comprehend Alice's words even as she turned and led me back to the living room. I let her push me down on to the couch and though I heard her ask me if I wanted a cup of tea, I could not focus on her voice long enough to answer. My heart and mind were racing and dizziness came over me. I finally lay down and curled into a ball. Darkness overtook me before the kettle reached a boil.

I awoke as the cops were leaving. I listened as Alice assured them that she would stay with me. "Keep the deadbolt on. We'll leave a car out front for the night and if you need anything, call us."

The red-haired cop was eyeing me as her partner finished giving Alice instructions. "Ma'am?" I looked at her but did not sit up. "If he tries to contact you in any way, you can call 911 or me directly, okay?" She placed a card on the coffee table.

I nodded. I wanted to show my gratitude, to thank them both for their help, but they were gone before I could find my voice. I heard Alice throw the deadbolt when she closed the door, and I slowly sat up.

"How long was I asleep?" My voice sounded scratchy and hoarse in my ears, and Alice stopped in the kitchen to bring me tea on her way back down the hall.

"About an hour. They took some photos and dusted for prints. They took the knife as well." Alice handed me the mug and sat beside me.

I clutched the cup in my hands and tried to steady myself. The porcelain was hot enough that I could feel it start to burn, but I needed the familiarity. Sitting on my couch, drinking my favorite tea from my favorite mug; these things I knew, these things were safe.

"Hey, sweetie, the tea's not going anywhere. No need for the death grip," Alice said softly. She pried the mug from my hands and set it on the table. I felt her cool hand curl around my overheated one. "It's going to be okay, Izzy."

"I know. It's just . . . that painting, he-" I broke off, unsure how to explain why one painting of a silly dream meant so much.

"Did you paint it?"

"Yeah."

"What was it a painting of?"

"A dream." I laughed weakly. "It was just a stupid dream."

"It looked like it was a beautiful dream."

"Yeah, it is."

"I didn't know you painted."

"I didn't. I mean, I haven't in a long time. I used to when I was younger. It used to be my escape." I gave a hollow laugh. "That was my first painting in probably ten years."

Alice sighed heavily. "And he destroyed it."

"Yeah, Jake always hated that I painted."

"Why?" Alice asked incredulously.

"I would get lost in them. I'd paint for hours and forget about everything else, forget about _him_. It made me happy. I . . . I guess he wanted to capitalize on my happiness. He would always insist on accompanying me when I went out with friends or if I went shopping. He wanted me to associate happiness with him." I shook my head and scoffed quietly.

"He sounds really controlling, Izzy. How long were you with him?"

"Three years. We met in college. We actually grew up in the same town, but Jacob went to school on the nearby reservation so we didn't meet until we were both at school in Seattle. He wasn't like that in the beginning."

"I know, sweetie. They never are." Alice yawned suddenly, and we both smiled.

"You don't have to stay, Alice. If you want to-"

"I'm staying," she said firmly. "It's late though. We might as well call it a night."

I nodded and rose. "You can have the couch if you want, but my bed is big enough for both of us."

"Bed it is." Alice laughed. "I've been on my brother's couch for about a week, and I miss a real bed already."

I chuckled. "He made you sleep on the couch?"

"No, I made him take his room back. There's a point when you stop being a guest and start being in the way."

Alice stood, and we made our way towards the bedroom. I froze in the doorway, unable to lift my eyes to where . . .

"I put it away," Alice said softly. I figured you probably didn't want to stare at it all night."

I glanced up and saw that the painting was gone. The green eyed boy from the beach was gone. A combination of pain and relief washed over me as I followed Alice into my room. I lent her some pajamas and pulled my own on while she was in the bathroom. I crawled into bed and immediately knew sleep was a long way off. I sighed and resigned myself to a long night of tossing and turning. I hoped I wouldn't disturb Alice.

"These are so warm!" Alice walked across my room dressed in a t-shirt and an old pair of Black Watch flannel pants.

"L.L. Bean," I replied. "They're my favorite. Maine has almost as much plaid as Washington."

Alice laughed and climbed into bed. "I haven't been to Bean's yet."

"We'll have to go. Freeport is the shopping Mecca of Maine. You'll like it," I said as I reached over and turned off the bedside light. Just as my body began to relax and my eyelids fluttered, a wave of panic washed over me. I bolted upright. "The deadbolt."

"It's thrown. I double-checked it." Alice sat up beside me. "It's fine, Izzy. We're fine."

I nodded and lay back down. I tried to steady my breathing so as not to alert Alice to the fear that now raced through my veins.

"Izzy?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you stop painting because he hated it?"

"Yes."

"Did he hit you?" Alice's words were barely audible, and my mouth was suddenly dry. I had never told anyone about Jacob's temper, but here, in the darkness, with Alice who understood what I had gone though, it was easier to admit it.

"Yes. It started off small. He would grab me too hard. He's so strong, and I bruise so easily." Silence crept between us, and I continued. "We would fight and he would throw things. He'd trash whatever dorm room we were in. I just figured he was angry and needed to blow off steam. We were together for a year before he slapped me for the first time."

"What made you stay?"

"He loved me. I really thought he did. He . . ." I trailed off, my voice pleading with Alice to understand. "He _waited_ for me," I admitted quietly.

"You didn't sleep with him?" Alice sounded surprised, and I felt the heat creep across my face, though the darkness hid my shame.

"No. I told myself I wasn't ready. I kept telling myself that, but I . . . I wonder now if I knew deep down inside that I _couldn't_ sleep with him. That he was . . ." I left it hanging and burrowed deeper under the comforter.

"Why do you say he loves you?" Alice finally asked, breaking the silence.

"He waited. Guys don't do that anymore. It's like you're expected to put out."

A brief image of Edward flashed through my mind, and I heard his words in my mind again. "I want to do this right." I wondered again what he had meant by that.

"Izzy, I don't care if he waited twenty years; a real man wouldn't hit you."

"I know."

"Do you?"

Her words stung a little, but I knew she was right. I still could not fully convince myself that Jacob was bad. "I don't know," I finally admitted.

"What did he do to you?" Alice asked sadly.

"Jacob was the first person who really took an interest in me. My parents were so involved with themselves when I was growing up. First the divorce and then they moved to opposite ends of the country and I would be shipped back and forth. I was this pawn in their stupid game. Who could win my love? Jacob made me the center of his world. I'd never had that before."

"Did he? Or did he appoint himself as the center, the _entirety,_ of your world, Izzy?"

I paused and fell silent. "Yeah, he did," I finally whispered.

"That's not healthy, Izzy. People need to be themselves in a relationship. How can you truly love someone if you're stifling them? How can you even know who they are? Izzy, you said that you love painting, that it makes you happy and sets you free, yes?"

I nodded before remembering she couldn't see me. "Yes."

"If Jacob truly loved you, why would he want to take that away from you? He should want you to be happy, Izzy."

"What if he's my only shot?" My voice dropped to a whisper as my deepest fear escaped me.

"Then you're better off alone, Izzy. Do you want to live with the fear, the pain of being with Jacob?"

"No . . . but I don't want to be alone."

"Sweetie, there is someone out there for you. What about Pricky?" Alice raised herself up on one arm when I didn't answer. "Well?"

"We went on a date."

"What? And? How did it go?"

"It was good, it was really good. He was a gentleman."

"Oh my God, Izzy! He was sweet?"

"He was sweet and charming and . . ."

"And?" Alice demanded.

"And, my Lord, is he a good kisser."

Alice squealed beside me. "I want details," she said, yawning.

"Alice, you're exhausted. Go to sleep."

She grumbled a bit but finally agreed and lay back down. "Izzy?" she said, yawning again.

"Mmm?"

"In the morning, I want to know everything."

"Okay, Alice. Good night."

"Mmm, night." I closed my eyes, but images of Edward, Jacob and of the little boy on the beach danced before my eyes denying me sleep. I heard Alice roll over and wondered if she had fallen asleep already. She murmured something though, and I couldn't tell if she was dreaming or not.

"What?"

"Remind me to call my brother in the morning," Alice said sleepily.

"Okay," I agreed. I lay there listening to the soft snoring that told me Alice had finally succumbed to sleep. _Remind Alice to call her brother_, I told myself before exhaustion began to take me. It occurred to me just before I dropped off to sleep that I had no idea what Alice's brother's name was. I decided I would ask her in the morning.

The morning brought with it new troubles though, and I completely forgot both things.

**Next update will be soon. If you skipped the first a/n's to read the chapter, please go back and read the Fandom for Preemies info! Thank you.**


	20. Chapter 19

**Much love to my betas (IrishTwiFicster & ladyeire3) and to all those who nominated and voted for IKTE for the Rare Gem awards. Hope everyone's holidays are going well. **

**Chapter 19**

**EPOV**

My heart was still racing as I climbed back into the limo. Unwilling to go home as then the date would officially be over, I asked the driver to drive around town for another half hour. I needed time to clear my head.

As the familiar streets of Portland flew by my window, I began to dissect my date with Izzy. The thought of what she did to me, how she made me feel with just a smile; one glance still scared the hell out of me. I forced myself to not think about that. I looked at the evening as I would look at a case. What evidence was there? _Her smile. Her laugh. The way she looked at me as we waited for the elevator. The gentle way she held my hands in hers when I showed her my scars._

_And if she saw your other scars?_ I swallowed hard and forced myself to concentrate on the buildings we were passing. That taunting voice in my head, so similar to James', always knew where to find my Achilles' heel. My other scars were buried deep. I'd hidden them under years of anger and feigned indifference. My subconscious offered me a brief image of Izzy, standing next to Victoria, pointing and laughing. She morphed into little Bella in a yellow bathing suit and began chanting "Crybaby!" with a viciousness that pierced my heart.

_Stop!_ I forced the nauseating images to the back of my mind before deciding I needed to head home. I asked the driver to turn around and head back to my house and then immersed myself once again in the memory of the kiss.

As the driver headed for my townhouse, I let my mind wander back to that perfect moment, our lips caressing, bodies entwined. The feel of her softness and warmth pressed against me had nearly been my undoing. Though I was still cursing myself and Alice for not allowing things to go further, a small piece of me knew it had been the right decision. I had to no idea how to date someone, but one night stands were my specialty. It would be all too easy to lapse back into that routine out of fear alone.

"Sir?" I looked up to see we were parked in front of my house. I gave a humorless laugh as I realized I had missed the entire ride home because I was still lost in Izzy; in my mind, I was still standing outside her apartment, my hands buried in those dark brown velvet waves, lips pressed to hers.

_Edward! _I chastised myself and quickly paid the limo driver. After thanking him for his services, I climbed out of the car. I slowed as I reached the front door, realizing Alice would probably tackle me as soon as I stepped foot in the door.

I had been amazed thus far at how controlled she had been. With the exception of her "Helpful Hints", Alice had kept her questions to herself. She hadn't even asked Izzy's name. I feared her self-control would disappear tonight.

"Hello?" I called tentatively as I started up the steps to the main level of the house. The living room was dark and the only light on in the kitchen was the small one above the stove. _Perhaps, she went out with her friend._ Alice had met someone local, but I had not bothered to ask her much about her new friend. I was worried if I asked for details about her life, I would be expected to reciprocate.

"Alice?" I called up the stair way and received no answer. I shrugged off her absence and headed back in to the kitchen. As I tossed my keys on the kitchen counter, I caught sight of hastily written note attached to the fridge.

_Edward,_

_ My friend had some trouble. Sorry. Hope everything went well. I love you._

_ Alice_

_Trouble?_ I briefly wondered if it was the friend who needed a restraining order and immediate worry for Alice coursed through me. I quickly dialed her number and cursed when it went straight to voicemail. "Alice? Call me. ASAP . . . please."The "please" surprised me. I was not usually so polite. Alice's presence in my life was really having an effect on me.

I scanned the note again as I hung up, wishing it would reveal more. Nothing more appeared of course, but the last sentence jumped out at me. _I love you . . .you don't even know me, little bat, and if you did . . ._

I let the thought drop off and refocused my mind on Izzy and her sweet lips. The intense desire that coursed through me brought with it a powerful need for some kind of physical release. Shaking my head, I headed upstairs for the shower.

I threw my phone on the charger then headed into the bathroom and turned on the water. I stripped as steam filled the room, fogging up the mirror and my mind. I willed myself to get lost in Izzy yet again. Her body, flush against mine. Her fingers trapped in my hair, pulling me closer, wanting me, needing me.

I groaned softly at the memory of her breasts pressed against my chest, her nipples taut underneath the thin material of her dress, and my name on her lips. Unable to wait any longer, I climbed into the shower.

I couldn't do what I wanted to do with Izzy, take her to my bed, so I was left with the next best thing - my imagination and, sadly, my own hand. _Thank Christ for a great imagination._ Image after image of Izzy and me together filled my mind as the steaming water continued to pour over my body. As I lathered myself in soap, the images softened; I foresaw what it could be like with Izzy.

This would not be some casual one night stand, it would be something special. My mind, not used to this alternate universe where feelings and tenderness were involved, swirled with different images. I stroked in time with the images as they flitted from one scene to another. Izzy and I wrapped around each other, limbs entwined as we made love in my bed. Izzy, straddling me, her long brown waves tickling my chest as she moved in time with me.

I moaned as an image of me lying between her legs as she wrapped them around me filled my mind. I stared deep into her eyes and immersed myself in those dark chocolate pools as we came together. The sensations overtook me and in my mind, while I released inside of Izzy, in reality, I was alone in the shower. I tried desperately to block out that reality as I attempted to savor the all too brief sensations.

Once I had toweled off, I headed downstairs. My good mood soured when I saw that Alice had not returned my phone call. I sat on the couch in my towel for several minutes, staring at my phone. Finally, I gave up on waiting for Alice to call and dialed her again.

It rang three times, and I had nearly given up when she answered. "Hello?"

"Alice?"

"Oh, hey. How did it go?" She sounded tired but feigned excitement for me.

"Good. Alice, what's going on? Your friend – is this the one who needs the restraining order?"

"Yeah, um, how long do you think that will take?"

"Shit. Is she all right?"

"Yeah, he kind of broke into her apartment, but she wasn't here. The cops are just finishing up and will be leaving in a few minutes. She's asleep on the couch now."

"They are just leaving you two there? Did they catch the guy? Did they clear the building? Are they leaving someone behind to watch the place? Jesus, Alice, if he comes back, what the fuck are you going to do? You weigh like 12 pounds soaking wet!" I fired questions at her frantically.

"Hey! I took a self defense course at the Y. I could do . . . _some_ damage or something. It's all about the balls. I remember that much."

"Alice," I growled, ignoring her attempt at humor. "I'm coming over. Where the hell are you?"

"Edward, we're fine. No, they didn't catch him, but they know who he is. Yes, the cops cleared the building. Yes, they are leaving a car parked outside the building. We have a deadbolt, and the cops are pretty sure he won't come back tonight anyway. We'll be okay."

"Alice."

"Edward, I really honestly appreciate the offer, but I don't think it's – oh crap, she's waking up. Look, I promise I will call you if anything happens, okay?"

"Al-"

"I _promise_."

I swallowed hard. "Fine but if anything happens to you, I will probably kill that guy, and you'll be to blame." I heard her laugh quietly.

"All right, big brother. I'll call you in the morning, okay?"

"And?"

"And if anything happens." I could almost hear her roll her eyes as she said it. "Good night."

"Good night, little bat."

Anxiety left a bitter taste in my mouth as I hung up the phone. I did not appreciate inaction; it didn't suit me, and I hated to leave Alice in a dangerous situation. Various options raced through my mind, some completely insane. I could drive through Portland, screaming Alice's name out my car window until she answered. _Too cold to do that._ Maybe I could get her cell phone carrier to trace the call and give me her location. _That_ would likely require a court order, and I certainly wasn't getting one of those tonight. Overprotective brother would not be a valid enough reason to bother a judge on a Sunday night.

I did have plenty of contacts at the Portland Police Department. I could call around until I found out who had filed a report of break-in. Get the address. Rush over there. Surprise Alice and . . . _and get kicked. It's all about the balls, remember, Edward?_ I winced in imaginary pain before deciding perhaps I needed to trust Alice on this one.

My hands still itched for action, though, and I briefly wondered if I should call Izzy. _Too soon?_ I had no idea how these things worked. _Alice would know._ I chastised myself for not asking her when I had her on the phone. If I called her back now, she would think I was checking up on her, so that was out.

I scrolled through the various numbers in my contact list, pausing at one that surprised me. My thumb froze above the send button, as the two voices in my mind warred over whether it was a good idea. "Oh, fuck it," I finally muttered, slamming my thumb down on send. I held my breath as it rang once, twice.

"Hello?"

"Hi, Tim." I nearly choked getting the words out.

"Edward, how are you?"

"All right."

"Just all right? Alice told me you had a date this weekend." He paused before continuing. "Was it with the young lady we discussed last time we talked?"

"You didn't tell Alice-" I blanched at the thought of Alice knowing details of my sordid past.

"No, Edward. What we discuss is between us. I'll let you make the decision of what you would like Alice to know and when."

"Thanks."

"So?"

"Yes, it was with Izzy." I felt warmth creep throughout my body as I said her name.

"How did it go?"

"Good . . . I think. I don't know much about dating," I admitted with a short laugh.

"Did you both enjoy yourselves?"

"Yeah, I think we did."

"Do you plan to see her again?"

"Yes, we actually sort of planned a double date with some mutual friends, so yeah, a second date." I almost giggled at the prospect but managed to catch myself at the last second. _Get yourself under control, you fucking girl._

"Good. Did you . . .?" He trailed off, but I knew what he was asking.

"No." My voice sounded petulant, even to me. "Alice said no fucking on the first date."

"Alice said that, huh?" Tim laughed.

The way he said it made me wonder, and I immediately questioned him on it. "What does that mean? What are you not telling me about Alice?"

"Uh-uh. Her sessions are private too, Edward. Let's move on."

"But-" I protested, but Tim ignored me.

"I think that's a good sign, Edward. Tell me about the date. Did you take her to dinner? Was there conversation?"

"We went to a show and then had dinner afterwards. We talked a bit."

"About? Have you ever discussed the incident with the waitress?" _Damnit, Tim, why'd you bring that up?_

Reality felt like a sucker punch to the gut, as I realized no matter how well the date had gone, there was still crap that would have to be dealt with if this ever developed into a relationship. "Um, we talked about mutual friends mostly. And the food, we talked about the food. She told me she liked the show."

"But no discussion about past events?"

"No." My voice was barely audible as I began picking at the towel wrapped around my waist.

"Okay, it's probably too soon. See how this goes, if anything will come of it, but if it does, you know that will have to be sorted, right, Edward? I doubt Izzy will be able to just pretend it never happened."

My throat closed as I pictured telling Izzy everything about me: the waitress in the car, all of the women I'd fucked or fired or just verbally abused, everything, all the way back to that evil redheaded bitch in an elementary school bathroom. My mind once again drew forth images of Izzy standing above a small copper-haired boy who sat trembling on the cold tile. She pointed and laughed and was quickly joined by a group of children . . . monsters, really.

" . . .ward. Edward!"

"What? Sorry, what?" I tried to swallow the fear and hurt that cascaded through me.

"Edward," Tim sighed. "Look, I know there is a lot that you're still not telling me. I understand that you may not be ready to, but I'm afraid it's going to impede your progress. I don't want all the pain in your past to keep you from being happy now. I don't want it to ruin whatever you may have with Izzy."

"Tim-"

"No, let me finish. I want you to think on it, Edward. _Really_ think on it. If you're not comfortable talking to me, that's okay. I can recommend someone local, or get you the resources you need to choose a therapist. But, Edward, I honestly think if you don't address this soon, it could seriously jeopardize the chance you have with this girl, with _any_ girl for that matter."

_Perhaps, she ruined you._ The words flitted through my mind again as Tim continued. But if I truly was broken beyond repair, would therapy even do any good?

"Edward, you deserve happiness." Tim's words surprised me and I tuned back into what he was saying as he finished his speech. "I don't know what it is you're holding back, but I think it's holding _you_ back as well. Will you just think about what I said, please?"

"Yeah," I agreed quietly. A million questions raced through my mind, but I held my tongue. A piece of me wanted to scream, to tell him everything: every punch, every bruise, and every piercing word I had endured. I wanted to shake him, to shake my father and scream "Why didn't you save me?" but, as I had 25 years before, I kept it to myself. "I'll think on it," I finally muttered.

"Good. Now get some rest. We'll talk again soon, all right?"

"Yes, sir." He chuckled before saying good night and ending the call. I sat in a semi-daze on the couch. Bad memories threatened to overcome me yet again as I weighed Tim's words in my mind.

I forced myself to block out the memories from my childhood that remained horrifically clear despite their age; I instead concentrated on enveloping myself in the feeling of Izzy's warmth, our kiss, our date and out tenuous but possible future.

Worried though I was about Alice, I was glad she was not home as I did not wish to explain my need for a second shower.

* * *

**I(B)POV**

The green eyed boy stretched his arm towards me, straining to reach my fingers. "Bella! Bella!" His cries echoed in my ears, tearing at my soul. The bright sunlight glinted off unshed tears that pooled under those dark lashes.

I reached for his arm, anxious to feel my fingers wrapped in his, but no matter how hard I tried, an invisible force kept me back. The inches between us grew to feet then yards. Every fraction of space between us felt infinite and the distance tugged at my heart. It was as though my heart had been torn from my body, still beating; it was no longer mine. Pain blossomed in my chest and I glanced down as the pain increased. Convinced that the bright yellow bathing suit I wore was stained with dark red blood, I was surprised to see I sustained no wound. The anguish that wracked my body left no physical sign. Suddenly the beach between us seemed miles long.

"No!" I cried. "Wait!" But the distance between us continued to grow. Every second we grew further apart, pain riddled through me as I watched my heart fly further away. A brief image of a Frida Kahlo painting flickered through my mind, and I could almost see the imaginary artery stretching across the miles, my only remaining connection to the piece of my heart I had left with the green eyed boy so long ago. I ached for his touch. I _needed _it. It alone could make me feel safe. But it remained beyond my reach.

The pain became unbearable as the green eyed boy disappeared from my view. "Edward!"

I awoke panting and blinked at the bright sunlight streaming into the room. Alice's presence beside me nearly made me cry aloud in surprise, and I chastised myself for overreacting. A sudden pounding on the apartment door made me jump though and all rational thought fled my mind.

Horror crept over me as snatches of my nightmare mixed with my memories of the previous night. Alice shot up beside me. The banging on the door continued. "Who the hell is that?" She looked at me confused and bleary eyed.

Fear had paralyzed my limbs; I could not even open my mouth to speak as images of Jacob raced through my mind. I managed to shake my head dumbly as Alice jumped out of bed. "Wait here," she ordered but the thought of being left alone finally propelled my body into motion. I staggered after her, my whole body still shaking in fear.

As we exited my bedroom and made our way down the hallway, the pounding grew more frantic. My heart beat hard in my chest echoing the rhythm of the person outside my door. I was briefly surprised that my heart remained in my chest and then silently mocked myself for thinking it might not be. As my mind tried to trace the surprise back to its origin, I vaguely remembered my dream but the details were fuzzy. I recalled something about Frida Kahlo's painting _Two Fridas_ but the rest had faded.

"Who . . . who's there?" Alice called tentatively.

The pounding ceased. Alice and I stopped a few feet from the door; neither of us breathed as we waited for an answer.

"Izzy? Izzy, open the fucking door! Right fucking now!" My knees gave out and I dropped to floor in relief.

A look of panic crossed Alice's face, and I hurried to regain my feet. "No, no, it's okay. It's just Darlene," I explained.

"Jesus, Izzy." Alice shook her head and reached for the deadbolt. As soon as she opened the door, Darlene rushed in and nearly tackled me. She wrapped me in a bear hug; surprised by the action, I nearly fell again.

"Jeez, Darlene, nice to see you too." I gave a short laugh and attempted to return the hug, but Darlene pulled away and held me at arm's length.

"Yes, it _is_ nice to see you. For fuck's sake, Izzy, why the hell didn't you call me?" Anger and - was that hurt rippling through Darlene's voice?

"Uh, call you about what? What are you upset about?"

She shot me a patronizing look. "Izzy, you know all about Toby."

I nodded, unsure where this was going. "You're upset about Toby?"

"_No_. Toby and his . . . antics merely ensure that my family has more than its share of connections to the Portland Police Department." My face must have remained blank because Darlene immediately took on the tone one would use to speak to a dim-witted child. "So when my brother's parole officer shows up during our family breakfast and casually mentions that it's lucky that my _best friend_ didn't get raped and killed the night before, I tend to get a little upset!"

"Your best friend?" For some reason, those words jumped out at me more than the "raped and killed" part of Darlene's speech.

"Izzy!" She took my arm and led me into the living room. I heard Alice close the door and throw the deadbolt behind us. As Darlene forced me to sit on the couch, I saw Alice disappear into my bedroom.

"Look, I'm sorry I didn't call you. I wasn't in a good place last night and Alice came over and-"

"That's not what upsets me, Izzy."

"Well then what-"

"Izzy, _would_ you have called me? If Alice wasn't in town would you have called me?" I opened my mouth to reassure her, but I could not get the words out. Darlene took my silence as admission. "That's what I thought," she said sadly, nodding.

"Darlene, it's just that I don't want to bother you with this, this _shit_ that Jake has dragged me down into. It's not your problem, it's mine and-"

"Izzy, I'm your best friend, aren't I?"

Her words gave me pause again, and I realized that she _was _my best friend_._ I had plenty of acquaintances: people we went dancing or drinking with, people I met for coffee from a book club I had joined on a whim last year, co-workers I had lunch with every once in awhile – but Darlene was really the only one I had let in. She was the closest thing I had to a friend; I hadn't realized she saw me as one as well.

"Yes, you are," I admitted. "But, Darlene, Jacob is still my problem-"

"You let me bitch about Toby, about my father, about work, about the hundreds of worthless men-"

"Hundreds?" I asked in mock horror. I couldn't stop the grin from spreading across my face.

"Well, no, not _hundreds_ but . . . Oh you know what I mean!" She swatted me playfully on the arm before regaining her composure. "My point, Isabella, is that my problems are your problems. Thus, your problems are mine. That's what friends are for, Izzy. I know how private a person you are, and I'm not asking you to spill to me about everything. I, I just want you to know you can trust me and that I'll always be here for you. That's all." Her eyes dropped to her lap, where she was wringing her hands.

"Thank you," I said hoarsely, as tears sprang to my eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't call you, Darlene."

She reached over and pulled me into another hug. "No worries, hon. What are besties for?" She beamed at me, and I was overwhelmed with emotion as I realized I would not have to face this alone.

"See, Izzy?" I looked up to see Alice standing in the bedroom door. She smiled at me as she crossed to the couch and sat beside me. "I know you're afraid, but we're here for you. You're not alone in this, and you don't need to be ashamed or embarrassed. This is not _your_ fault."

"I know," I whispered.

"Good, now work on remembering that." Alice gave me a squeeze before rising.

"Oh, Alice, you remember Darlene? Darlene, this is Alice. We met her on the Downeaster."

Darlene nodded and the two women shook hands. "How could I forget a fellow Choo lover?" Alice laughed lightly before turning to me. "I'll fight you for the shower."

I laughed and felt a bit of the tension evaporate from my shoulders. "Guests first. I'll make us some breakfast while I wait." Alice nodded and headed for the bathroom while Darlene and I made our way to the kitchen.

I grabbed some eggs from the fridge and went hunting for the fry pan to scramble them in. Darlene took a seat at the small bar while I worked. "So who is this guy, Izzy?" she finally asked.

I swallowed painfully and reminded myself of Alice's words. _This is not your fault._ "An ex," I finally admitted.

"What the fuck is this dumbshit's problem?"

I shook my head at the profanity before turning to face Darlene. "I don't know. He's possessive and-" I broke off and turned back to the eggs. _Why is it so hard to tell her?_ Darlene truly was the person I was closest to. She was really the only one I had let get that close in all the time I'd spent in Maine. _So why can't I talk to her? _A brief thought crossed my mind. I was glad I was facing away from Darlene as a new fear grew inside. _Can I ever trust anyone again?_ _Has Jacob taken that from me too?_

"And?"

I dragged my mind back to the conversation. "Um, and violent and just all around, bad news."

"Are you getting a restraining order?"

"Um, yeah, I guess. Alice is helping me with that." My thoughts dragged me deeper down into the black abyss, and I fought to keep from being swallowed by self-pity.

"You guess? Izzy, you don't sound too sure."

"It's just, it's all happening so fast. I can't, I can't process this shit. I don't know." I rested my elbows on the countertop and dropped my head in my hands. "It's . . . it's just so crazy."

"Well, your first priority should be safety, Izzy. Sort things out once that is taken care of." I nodded before straightening and returning to the eggs, now sizzling in the frying pan. I finished cooking them in silence, ruminating over Darlene's words.

Thoughts of Jacob continued to creep into my mind and I fought the fear that threatened to overtake me. I ate a few bites of egg and a piece of toast but tasted nothing as I waited for Alice to finish up. I looked up several times and caught Darlene looking at me worriedly. I tried to force a smile and pretended to read an advert that I fished out of the newspaper.

When Alice joined us, I relished the opportunity to escape to the shower and sort my head. The steaming hot water soothed my troubled mind and my thoughts turned to Darlene. _Would I have called her?_ I wasn't sure. I had a hard time sharing my problems with anyone. I was not the type to go running for help; I preferred to figure things out on my own.

I realized sadly that this was likely one battle I could not fight alone. I had misjudged Jacob as a silly, lovesick puppy; he was angry and the violence was escalating. I shivered despite the steaming shower as the image of Jacob's knife flashed through my mind. "I'm scared," I whispered to no one, and it finally dawned on me that Jacob really did scare the hell out of me.

"He's scary and violent and bad," I said. "He doesn't love you. He's not good for you." I repeated these words in my head as I finished my shower. By the time I dried off, I hadn't fully convinced myself, but it was a start.

Darlene and I shared a cab to work, while Alice headed back to her brother's apartment. My day passed in a blur. I tried to concentrate on my work as much as possible, hiding in my office most of the day. Paranoid though it seemed, I was terrified that everyone knew. Every gaze that caught mine throughout the day seemed to know.

Darlene was the only one I spoke to, and I came to realize as the day pressed on, she truly was a good friend. When she offered to stay at my place, I agreed, knowing I wasn't ready to stay there alone. I was grateful for the decision when I arrived back at my apartment alone. I emptied my mailbox and found, to my intense surprise, a small package. The return address was Charlie's and I wondered as I climbed the stairs to my apartment, if my father had actually gotten a Christmas present in the mail so early. He was generally a "closing time on Christmas Eve" sort of shopper.

Darlene had popped back to her place to grab some clothes, so I entered the small apartment alone. As soon as I stepped into the quiet hallway, I froze in fear. The words I had been reciting in my head all day came back to haunt me. _He's scary and violent and bad._ I listened intently for nearly twenty minutes, jumping at every creak in the walls and every bang in the pipes. A neighbor from down the hall finally broke me from my trance. I gave him an uneasy smile as he walked past my apartment, then quickly shut the door and threw the deadbolt. I tried to convince myself that Jacob was not in the apartment, but even after I crept through all the rooms, trembling in fear, I still could not get myself to relax.

I turned on every light in the place and threw my purse and mail on the coffee table. Sitting on the couch, curled into a ball, I stared at the package. I tried to bring my mind back from the darkness, tried to focus on the positive things in my life: my friends, old and new, Charlie, and . . . Edward. Yes, Edward was something _very _good I could focus my thoughts on. Our date, our kiss, I could get lost in the memory of that kiss for a long time . . .

I was still sitting there, a half an hour later when Darlene arrived.

**I tend to update faster if I set myself a deadline so next update should be by Christmas (*fingers crossed*). Oh and I realized I haven't replied to reviews in months. So, Pricky will replying to this chapter's reviews. Pinky swear. That will happen before Christmas too so get your reviews in before the holiday if you'd like a PM from Edward Cullen, Esq. Thanks all. **


	21. Chapter 20

**Much love to my betas. Je vous adore.**

**Did you all see the FFP outtake that was posted on Christmas? If not, check it out. It's posted separately. If I write any more outtakes, they'll be posted in that same feed, so feel free to put it on alert. On a side note, several people were confused about when the outtake occurs. It's during chapter one **_**before**_** Edward meets Izzy. **

**à bon monsieur: congrats! Don't let the haters get you down, dear. You have my full support and the love and support of more in this fandom than you know. *hugs***

* * *

_I tried to convince myself that Jacob was not in the apartment, but even after I crept through all the rooms, trembling in fear, I still could not get myself to relax. _

_ I turned on every light in the place and threw my purse and mail on the coffee table. Sitting on the couch, curled into a ball, I stared at the package. I tried to bring my mind back from the darkness, tried to focus on the positive things in my life: my friends, old and new, Charlie, and . . . Edward. Yes, Edward was something very good I could focus my thoughts on. Our date, our kiss, I could get lost in the memory of that kiss for a long time . . ._

_ I was still sitting there, a half an hour later when Darlene arrived. _

**Chapter 20**

**I(B)POV**

Tuesday was spent the same as Monday. Darlene moved in with me for the week and Alice offered to return for the following weekend. Until then, I buried myself in work, taking plenty home with me to keep myself occupied. I didn't want to, _couldn't_ think about . . . Jacob. The remains of my painting had been thrown out with the trash. In the end, I had not been able to throw it out myself; Darlene had taken care of it for me.

The cops had decided their involvement had likely scared Jacob off. He hadn't shown his face since trashing my apartment. As such, there was no longer a cop car stationed outside my building, but Detective Longmont had called me on Tuesday and urged me to contact her directly if _anything_ happened.

"Even if you're not sure, Izzy, just give me a call. We can keep you safe." Her words had made me feel a bit better, though I remained diligent about the deadbolt, and I still was not ready to stay at my place alone.

I was so focused on my work, I didn't realize until Tuesday afternoon that I had not heard from Edward. That sent my mind into a whirlwind; I was immediately questioning everything I had felt on Sunday, everything that had happened between us.

The idea that Edward hadn't felt what I had hurt more than I had thought it might. I was falling, _hard_, for him. Whenever my inner bitch decided to torment me over it, I focused my thoughts on the kiss. _That kiss. . . _I _knew_ he had felt the connection, I had felt his . . . um, _interest_ pressed into my hip.

Thinking too long about the kiss, though, led to the events after it, which led to Jacob and the terror that seemed to be forever lingering just on the edges of my mind. For some reason, I could not fully disconnect Edward from Jacob; I could not keep the emotions separate in my mind.

So I did what I could to keep my mind off of both of them. Edward's phone call on Wednesday morning, however, undid all my hard work. Darlene had asked me on Monday if he had called, but when I shook my head despondently, she had not asked again. I had nearly given up myself when a voicemail from Edward welcomed me to my office Wednesday morning.

"Izzy? I'm sorry I didn't call sooner. I wasn't sure, I didn't know . . . uh, I mean-" The uncertainty and hesitance in his voice made me smile as Edward struggled to find the right words.

His admission in the restaurant came back to me. "I'm not very good at this." I smiled in spite of myself. _He's trying, he really is . . . but three days! _My inner bitch took the opportunity to sour my mood.

"Izzy? I brought the Devlin file." Darlene walked into my office just as Edward stammered out that he would try me later. The words made me blush, despite my unease about how long it had taken him to call. "What?" Darlene immediately demanded as the color in my cheeks gave me away.

"Nothing, I just. . . Nothing. It's nothing." I held out my hand for the file, but Darlene pulled it back out of my reach.

"Uh-uh. We talked about this. Spill."

I sighed. We _had_ talked about it, twice now, but this was not that. "It's not about Jacob, Darlene," I said quietly. It had taken her a while, but she had managed to get me to promise her that I would tell her if Jacob tried to contact me.

She gave me a skeptical look, and I cursed silently. "I, um, I have a voicemail from . . . Edward."

"Finally! God, that little bastard took his sweet time."

"Darlene!"

"Well, seriously, Izzy! He should have-"

"Darlene! He called, that's enough."

"Enough, my ass. You give him shit when you talk to him, Izzy. Play hard to get." My inner bitch vehemently agreed with her, but I shook my head. "Can I listen-"

"No! Jeez, Dar-" The phone rang before I could finish my sentence. Darlene and I both stared at it. My breath caught in my throat and my pulse began to race.

"Well?" she cried. "Answer it!" I nodded numbly and reached for the receiver. "Remember: play hard to get and give him shit for waiting so long. Be strong, Izzy!" Darlene closed my office door behind her as I picked up the phone.

"Hello?"

"Izzy?"

"Edward." My voice sounded harsher and more guarded than I'd planned, and I immediately regretted it when I was met with silence.

"How . . . how are you?"

"I'm fine. How are you?" _God, even over the phone, our conversation skills are pathetic._

"Good." Silence. "Look, Izzy, I probably should have called sooner."

"No, it's . . . it's fine. I wanted to thank you for Sunday. I had fun."

"Me too. I should have called sooner. I wanted to. I wanted to call you the moment I got home." Edward rushed out. "Izzy, Sunday was lovely. I-" He paused then, and I wondered if he thought he'd said too much.

I fought to keep the grin that was spreading across my face out of my voice, and failed miserably. "I thought it was amazing too, Edward." I wanted to ask when we could do it again, but couldn't bring myself to. My inner bitch taunted me for wussing out, but Edward spoke up before I could build up the courage.

"So, about Emmett and Rosalie . . ." He trailed off.

I leapt at the opportunity. "We should set them up."

"Yes." There was a long pause before Edward continued. "It would be nice if they were finally together for the holidays. What," I heard him inhale deeply, "What are you doing this weekend?"

"No big plans. I might go shopping with some friends." _And buy a Taser to keep my crazy ex-boyfriend in line._ I flinched as my subconscious reminded me of Jacob's chronic presence in my life of late.

"So, you're busy?" The disappointment in Edward's voice nearly broke my heart, and I quickly shut the voices in my head down.

"No! I mean, I'm sure we could go out this weekend. I mean, with Emmett and Rosalie, you know to get them together. That would be good. Yeah," I finished lamely. I mimed banging my head on the desk as I waited for Edward to answer.

"Great." I heard him exhale noisily, and I wondered if he'd been holding his breath. _Maybe he's as nervous as I am._ Picturing Edward, the big shot attorney, Mr. Confident, arrogant . . . _Pricky_, all nervous and flustered melted my heart. "So how do you think we should do this? Invite them out for drinks separately and surprise them when we get there? Or dinner? I've never really set people up before."

"I'll call Rosalie, you call Emmett. It'll be a sneak attack," I laughed, "but I'm not sure where we should take them. A bar would be too loud, and dinner might be too formal. I think they need to relax and have fun but somewhere they can chat too."

"A sneak attack? I like it. Uh, what about…Yankee Lanes?"

"Bowling could be fun," I replied hesitantly.

"No bowling?"

"No, no. Bowling's fine. I'm just . . ." He waited for me to finish. I didn't. I could feel the heat creep into my cheeks as memories of my past experiences with anything sports-related crept to the forefront of my mind.

"You're what? Izzy?"

"I'm not really a sports kind of person. I'm just, I'm not very coordinated."

"If you recall, I found you in a snow bank once. I'm aware you are, um-"

"Klutzy, ungraceful, a walking disaster?" I sighed heavily. After 33 years, one would think I'd accept my lot in life.

"I was going to say slightly less agile than the average beautiful lady."

"Ha! That would be a vast understatement, Mr. Cullen." _Beautiful lady?_ The heat in my cheeks increased tenfold.

"Well you seemed to do just fine on Sunday, Miss Swan. Perhaps you just need an arm to lean on."

"Are you offering said arm, Mr. Cullen?" My voice was barely audible, and my breath caught in my throat as I awaited his answer.

"My arm," he paused, before continuing quietly, "and all the rest of me will be at your disposal on Saturday, Miss Swan."

"Until Saturday then." I wasn't sure I had actually spoken; the words seemed to catch in my throat as all the air in my lungs left my body in a whoosh.

"Until Saturday."

**EPOV**

I hung up the phone and nearly kicked my desk. "Bowling? _Bowling, _Edward? You're so suave, you dumb shit," I growled. I would have preferred a bar, a club, anywhere with a dark corner to sneak away with Izzy to. _My bedroom?_ I laughed as my dick got in a suggestion, but my humor was short-lived.

Of course, Izzy would not be keen on bowling. The poor girl could barely walk straight, even sober. "And you went and reminded her how clumsy she is. Well done, asshole." I continued to berate myself until my phone rang. Alice wanted to know if I'd be home for dinner. When I confirmed that I would, she advised me she was making Jasper's favorite meal, and she was looking forward to me trying it.

I was a bit apprehensive about dinner as I hung up the phone, but Alice's words reminded me of the Christmas surprise I had planned for her. _I'm not a complete asshole,_ I thought meekly. _One good deed for how many bad ones though?_

I left the debate in my head hanging and threw myself back into my work, all the while trying to focus on the fact that, no matter how lame it might be, I had another date with Izzy this weekend.

By Thursday afternoon, I realized I'd better call Emmett. Izzy would not be impressed if she showed up with Rosalie and I came empty-handed because Emmett already had plans. As I dialed the hospital, I hoped he was working.

I asked for Dr. McCarty and while I waited on hold, I wondered what the hell I was going to say to him. We had met only the once after I'd trashed my living room. _And caused a fight between Alice and Jasper, and sickened Izzy. _A brief vision of Izzy's face as she stared down at me, my lap full of waitress, flickered through my mind. _Tick, tick, tick._ Inside my mind, I could hear the tallying as the bad outweighed any good I'd ever even attempted.

"Hello?"

Emmett's voice dragged me away from the dark thoughts that swirled in my head. "Em-uh, Dr. McCarty? This is Edward Cullen. You, uh, you stitched up my hands a couple of weeks ago."

"Cullen! How are ya? Did ya punch another T.V.?" Emmett's joviality was infectious, and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Uh, no, I was calling on another matter actually."

"Glad to hear it. What's up?"

"Um," I paused awkwardly, "Well, some friends and I were going out this weekend, uh, bowling." I decided if necessary, I would casually mention that one of those friends was Rosalie.

"Sweet! Are you calling to ask if that's okay? How are your hands feeling?"

"No, I mean my hands feel fine. Actually, I was calling to see if you wanted to join us. As a thank you, you know, for taking care of my sorry ass the other day."

"I don't know if that would be a good idea, Cullen."

My face fell. "Oh, why not?" I swallowed hard and waited for his answer. _The one thing, the one thing Izzy asked you to do, Edward . . ._

"Well, how well do you handle getting your ass kicked? 'Cause I'll wipe the lanes with you."

I laughed in relief. "Bring it, McCarty."

Emmett laughed. "Hey, it's your funeral. So when are we doing this?"

I paused as I realized Izzy and I had not actually set a time. I nearly crowed, however, as it occurred to me that meant I would have to call her again. "Saturday night. I'll have to double check the time. Maybe eightish?"

"No worries. Your funeral's on Saturday night. I'll even wear black." Emmett chuckled again. After trading cell numbers, I hung up, pleased with my success. _I didn't even have to mention Rosalie!_

I called Izzy Thursday evening to confirm that 8pm worked for her and Rosalie. She was excited that I had convinced Emmett so easily, and her happiness sent an unfamiliar wave of pleasure through me. I missed her voice the second I hung up the phone.

* * *

By Friday morning, nervousness began to creep up on me. I couldn't focus on my cases at all and was just glad I didn't have to be in court. By Friday evening, I was a wreck again. After snapping at Alice twice, she finally confronted me.

"What the hell's your issue, Edward?" she demanded. "You've been an ass all day, and, frankly, I'm sick of it. What's going on?"

I was sitting on the couch, and she stood over me, hands on her hips. I nearly laughed at the sight of little Alice standing there, determined. "Nothing. Sorry," was all I gave her.

"That's fucking bullshit!"

I raised an eyebrow at her but couldn't help laughing. Tough little Alice with a potty mouth was too much. "And you lecture _me_ on _my_ language."

"Don't change the subject, Edward. I want to know. I've been very good about letting you have your space. You don't have to be a dick."

Guilt flooded me. I nodded solemnly. "Yeah, you have, little bat. I really do appreciate that."

"Are you okay, Edward? Was Sunday . . . okay?"

"Sunday was great." My voice was barely audible as all the emotions that Izzy, and only Izzy, could raise in me suddenly bubbled to the surface.

"Really?" I shot Alice a sour look for the tone of surprise but merely nodded. "So?" she urged.

"So . . . we're going out again tomorrow." Alice squealed so loud I nearly covered my ears.

"Edward! That's amazing!" She bounded over to the couch and, sitting next to me, wrapped her arms around me.

"Amazing? What? That I can get a date?" I said sarcastically.

"No!" She swatted me playfully. "You're more of a catch than you think you are, hon. I'm just glad this girl recognizes that."

_At least until she sees who you really are, Edward._ Bitterness and pain rushed though me, and I gave a hollow laugh. "Yeah. Sure." I stood up, suddenly anxious to be alone.

"Edward, I mean that. You don't give yourself enough credit." Alice grabbed my hand.

"I don't deserve any credit, Alice." I pulled my hand out of hers and headed for the stairs.

"Edward."

"Good night, little bat." I ignored her protests and headed for my bedroom, where little Bella, the only one who had truly known the boy within before he became a monster, watched over me as I slept.

Saturday afternoon, I was turning into twitchy, flailing Edward again. Alice had apparently decided her previous batch of "Helpful Hints" had clearly taught me everything I'd need to know and chose not to regale me with any more advice. Much to my chagrin, I found myself missing her advice as I bumbled around the house, trying to decide what to wear, what to say, how to act.

"Dating Edward" was pathetic compared to "One-night stand Edward" and a few times, I caught myself missing the lack of complication. My mind, however, always seemed to find its way back to that kiss, the brief moment of pure bliss that had filled me when Izzy's lips were pressed to mine.I wondered how long it would last; the effect that Izzy had on me scared the hell out of me, but the thought of that fading scared me even more.

By 7, I had dressed and undressed three times; the third outfit was a pair of dark blue Armani button fly jeans and a dark green cashmere sweater. As I stared at myself in the mirror, I wondered if I looked pretentious. _What the hell does one _bowl_ in?_ Having never bowled in my life, I was unaware of the dress code for such things. I had seen bowling on T.V. There wasn't a chance in hell I was going to dress like one of _those_ guys.

I debated the merits of rummaging through my closet again for several minutes before glancing at the clock. "Shit! Late!" I was supposed to pick Emmett up Maine Medical Center at 7:30 and then head for Yankee Lanes.

I snagged my leather jacket from the piano bench and was down the stairs and out the door so fast, Alice's "Good luck!" didn't register until I was already in the car.

On the way to the hospital, I weighed various topics of conversation to discuss with Emmett while we drove to the bowling alley. It was completely unnecessary though, as the second he jumped in my car, he was immediately gushing about the Lamborghini. That led to a debate between the pros and cons of Lamborghinis versus Ferraris and before I knew it we were at the bowling alley.

As we parked, Emmett grew quiet. We got out of the car, and he finally asked, "So what's the real reason I'm here, Edward? Do you need a wingman or something?"

"Not exactly."

"Not exactly?" Emmett looked at me questioningly.

"Edward!" Izzy's voice called across the parking lot from where the girls were just reaching the entrance. I smiled and waved before turning back to Emmett. His face instantly had an unrecognizable softness; his eyes almost glowed as they fell on Rosalie.

"I'll be playing _your _wingman tonight, Emmett," I said, and we headed over to meet the girls.

We ordered a few pitchers of beer and some pizza before making our way to our lane. Izzy and I let Emmett and Rosalie lead the way. Emmett was entertaining Rosalie with some story about a patient and a bed pan, and I watched him as we walked. _It's so easy for him,_ I marveled.

My wonder was interrupted by Izzy's warm breath in my ear. "We did good," she whispered before turning her attention back to her shoes. I felt my dick twitch at the too brief second of closeness but just nodded and tried to focus on the task at hand.

I stared down at the hideous bowling shoes and grimaced. Izzy's laugh brought about another reaction in my groin, and I looked up to see her grinning at me. "What?"

"They're just shoes, Edward. Put them on." Izzy rolled her eyes while Rosalie and Emmett looked on, amused.

"Other people have worn these." I wrinkled my nose and held them away from me. "Maybe I'll just wear my own."

"You can't." Izzy was barely suppressing her amusement now. "You have to wear bowling shoes. Haven't you ever been bowling, Edward?"

"But I don't wanna wear these," I replied sullenly, choosing to ignore her question.

"So … what? You'll bowl barefoot?"

"Maybe I will." My tone was indignant, but Izzy just laughed.

"You better not use that as an excuse when I kick your ass, Cullen." Emmett crossed his arms and glared at me.

"_If_ you kick my ass," I shot back, though I was sure he would.

"Them's fighting words. Let's do this!" Emmett immediately went in search of a ball, Rosalie trailing behind him.

"Shall we?" I gestured to Izzy to lead the way and then padded behind her in my stocking feet. I watched her weed through the racks in search of the perfect bowling ball. She seemed to be taking her ball choice very seriously, despite our limited options. I watched her, enthralled by the facial expressions. She'd pick up a ball, frown, and then put it back. She tested the weight of some, while others nearly slipped out of her grasp. All the while, she kept her bottom lip firmly trapped in her teeth, as though this was some requirement for her to keep her thoughts straight.

Finally she settled on a baby blue one, hefting it onto her hip like a child, before turning to me with a triumphant look on her face. Her eyes were drawn to my feet, adorned only in socks, for a brief second before she met my gaze.

"Aren't you going to pick a ball, or are you going to make do without that as well?" She smirked at me, and the sight of her brown eyes sparkling with humor kept my gaze trained on her.

"Well, I suppose I don't want to give Emmett too much of an advantage." I chuckled and reached towards the rack, my eyes still trained on her. I grabbed a ball blindly and followed Izzy back to our lane.

I didn't even glance down at my blind choice until Emmett who had already returned looked up as we approached, began snorting with laughter. He doubled over and pointed to the ball in my hands. I looked down then and realized I was holding a bright pink ball. It even had sparkles embedded into the lacquer. It was emblazoned with "Princess Pin" and looked as if it were made for an eight year old.

Silently groaning, I strode over to the ball return and placed my pink princess ball onto it rather loudly. "Ready?" I demanded.

It took Emmett several minutes to recover himself before he nodded. His face was still red as he rose to bowl his first frame. I watched closely, hoping bowling wouldn't be too hard a sport to pick up.

Emmett's first ball deftly took out all the pins. I groaned while he whooped. _Dammit, I _am_ going to get my ass kicked,_ I thought while trying to be nonchalant. I was not used to losing, and the thought of losing in front of Izzy, especially after goading Emmett on, was unsettling.

Emmett quickly calmed as Rosalie stepped up to bowl. Her first ball was in the gutter before it had made it fifteen feet down the lane. "Ooh, gutter ball." I looked up as Izzy took a seat next to me. She looked sympathetic, but her face brightened as Rosalie turned back to face us all, laughing her head off.

"You're supposed to _avoid_ the pins, right?" Rosalie continued laughing as she walked back to the ball return.

"You need to turn your wrist more." Emmett jumped at the opportunity to take Rosalie's hand and gently show her what she had done wrong. His fingers lingered in hers a little longer than necessary, and I was immediately jealous.

_How does he do it? To be so casual about taking her hand? Touching her arm?_ I longed to just put my arm around Izzy's shoulders; the closeness of her body sent electricity racing through my veins, but I remained still, terrified of rejection from the only woman that had ever mattered.

Anxious to figure out the secret to Emmett's composure, I watched him and Rosalie closely. As Rosalie threw her second ball and took out seven of the ten pins though, I realized it wasn't just Emmett's knowledge of women that I ought to be studying. He was a damn good bowler.

"Yes! Go, Rosalie!" As Izzy clapped and cheered beside me, my eyes were drawn to her. Her face was flushed slightly and the soft pink brought just the right amount of color to her pale cheeks. She grinned as she turned to me. "Well, here goes nothing. I hope you weren't expecting a champion bowler out of me." She bit her lip and doubt crossed her face as she rose.

I quickly ascertained that Izzy was as nervous about bowling badly in front of me as I was in front of her. _Why would I care if she can't bowl? _Some small part of my brain argued that my fear was as ridiculous as hers, but I ignored it and quickly grasped her elbow. A scared Izzy bothered me; _she shouldn't be afraid. _

"You'll do fine. Just . . . have fun," I finished lamely, but the relief that filled those chocolate spheres was exactly what I'd hoped for. Izzy gave me a soft smile before taking a deep breath and stepping up to bowl.

Her first attempt resulted in a gutter ball; she shrugged sheepishly as she turned back to face us. "That's all right, Izzy. You can do it." Emmett's encouragement made Izzy blush but her body immediately relaxed at his words. I took note and gave her a heartening smile. It faded though as Emmett leaned over and muttered, "Go help your girl out, Edward."

I rose unsteadily, unsure of what to do. Izzy paused as she saw me and a hint of a hopeful smile crossed her face. I strode over to her, and she obediently turned to face the pins, ball in hand. I stepped in closer and leaned into her. The heat of her back pressed gently against my chest swept any bowling advice right out of my head.

I heard Izzy's breathing accelerate and unsure of what else to do, I whispered, "Do you want to know a secret?" She nodded and several strands of her hair brushed against my lip, tickling me. "I have _no_ idea how to bowl." Izzy burst into laughter. I couldn't stop a grin from forming myself. "Sshh, don't tell Emmett. He'll probably figure it out when he kicks my ass anyway, but I don't think my ego could handle it."

Izzy turned her head back to face me and my eyes found hers in an instant. "It'll be our little secret, Edward."

I leaned in closer and let my lips just brush her cheekbone. "Thank you." Backing away slowly, every nerve in my body continued to tingle from the fleeting contact. Izzy took a deep breath and threw her second ball.

We both cheered as she knocked over three pins. She turned to me, and in a burst of glee, threw herself into my arms. Despite my surprise, my arms found their way around Izzy's waist. We both paused awkwardly and Izzy blushed deeply.

"Sorry," she muttered, stepping back.

"No!" I said quickly, reaching for her, unwilling to let her go again. Alarm flared in her eyes, and I immediately regretted it. "I mean, it's okay." I dropped my hands and stepped back. "Well done."

Izzy relaxed a bit and I was rewarded with a smile, albeit a slightly guarded one. There was still a shadow in her eyes though. I watched her try and shake it off as she accepted praise from Rosalie and a high five from Emmett.

Tim's words from days before came back to me: "Everyone has their own past. You don't know what she's been through." For the first time, I allowed myself to entertain the thought that perhaps _I _wasn't the only reason Izzy and I had such a hard time communicating.

The thought was brief, however, as Emmett called, "All right, Cullen. Let's see it."

I groaned inwardly before nodding. Resigned to my fate, I picked up the cursed pink ball and attempted to emulate Emmett's fluid movement. I closed my eyes as the ball flew from my fingers. Izzy's squeal from behind me finally convinced me to open my eyes.

_Six! Six pins!_ It wouldn't beat Emmett, but it wasn't a gutter ball either. I exhaled noisily, thankful I had at least gotten something. I turned back around to see Izzy clapping jovially while Emmett watched her and shook his head.

"Well done, Edward!" Izzy grinned at me and winked. I tried to shrug nonchalantly, but I was sure all three of them caught the smile that threatened to erupt across my face.

"All right, Edward, you've got this," I muttered to myself as I picked up the bowling ball again. "Just aim left. Left." I repeated the word over and over as I stepped up to throw my second ball.

I knew something was wrong the second the ball left my hand. It seems bowling shoes _did_ have a purpose, a very good one: traction. I realized this to the fullest extent as I stared up at the ceiling. _You just fell on your ass in front of the entire bowling alley. _I didn't even have time to properly berate myself before Izzy's beautiful face appeared above me.

"Edward? Edward, are you all right?" I groaned and sat up.

"I'm fine." Izzy took my hand and helped me up. Her hand lingered in mine, even after I had regained my feet.

"Are you sure?"

"I think my ego is more bruised than my ass," I admitted, relishing the feel of her soft, warm hand encased in my mine.

Izzy laughed and the sound was worth every bit of embarrassment that coursed through me. "Well, at least you got a few more pins down."

I spun back to face the lane, but the pins had already been cleared. "Really?"

"Yup. You got a nine for your first frame. Not bad for someone who's never bowled," she whispered conspiratorially. _Nine. Not bad at all,_ I thought. Sadly, it was my best frame all night.

While standard belief is that the more one practices something, the better they get at it, my bowling only got worse. Though I did manage to stay on my feet for the remainder of the evening, I lost miserably. Losing I had expected, but my reaction surprised me.

Midway through our second game, Emmett got three strikes in a row. For some unknown reason, this was referred to as a "turkey" and Emmett celebrated his "turkey" with relish, even showing off his world-famous (or so he claimed) "turkey trot". He had me by almost 40 pins already, and it stung . . . a lot.

I was grumbling internally about Emmett and his stupid dance, when I felt Izzy's hot breath in my ear. "He's so cute," she murmured.

_Cute? What?_ Unable to stop myself, I shot her a scathing look. Izzy burst into laughter which only intensified the scowl on my face. "Oh, stop!" She smacked me playfully and I went back to pouting and staring at my feet. I was being childish; I was well aware of that. _But who checks out other people when they're on a date?_

My subconscious quickly reminded that no one had a more roving eye than me; this did not improve my mood. Izzy leaned in again, and I felt her hair brush my cheek. My senses immediately heightened and every nerve tingled. "I _meant_ that it's cute how crazy he is about her and the way he keeps puffing up his chest. He's like one of those birds you see on the Discovery channel."

I couldn't help but chuckle as Izzy smirked at me. Her arm wrapped around mine, and we both watched as Emmett tried desperately to teach Rosalie how to get a split spare. "Should," I paused, unsure if I wanted to continue, "Should I be . . . you know, doing that?" I fell silent in embarrassment and refused to meet Izzy's eye.

"What? Throwing the ball and knocking over the pins? Yeah, Edward, that's sort of the point of bowling." Izzy laughed again and I smacked her playfully on the knee.

"No. I meant . . . should I be, like puffing up my chest or whatever, you know-" I gestured to Emmett's confident stance as he watched Rosalie finally throw the ball.

"No. That's just the way Emmett is, Edward. _You_ should just be you," she said simply. Her words washed over me and as we sat there, arms entwined, I weighed them in the back of my mind. _If she knew who I really was, would she still feel that way?_ That question haunted me as we finished the second game and Emmett mercilessly decided we should play a third.

True to his word, Emmett wiped the lanes with me, beating me by nearly 100 pins in our third, and thankfully, final game. Izzy refused to let me pout however. Every time Emmett got a strike, she would lean over and whisper things to me: a thank you for helping set Rosalie and Emmett up; a snarky comment about birds on the Discovery Channel; how much fun she was having; and, after the final frame revealed how badly I had lost, a compliment on how my ass looked in my jeans.

Her words and the color that crept into her cheeks after her last comment made it well worth it. I promptly decided that if I ever bowled with Izzy again, I would lose on purpose. As we returned our shoes and headed back out into the crisp evening air, Izzy grew quiet.

Emmett and Rosalie were chatting animatedly but their conversation reached a lull as we stood on the walkway outside the bowling alley. _Just ask, just ask, _I chanted in my head. I was desperate not to end my evening with Izzy here, on the sidewalk fifteen feet from a crowd of drunken bowlers who were sneaking a smoke in between frames.

I wanted, no _needed_, to feel her lips pressed to mine again. I had to know what she was thinking, feeling, and when she was in my arms, her body betrayed her, revealing things I was sure she would never say aloud. _Just ask if you can give her a ride home, Edward! _Rosalie had brought Izzy, I had brought Emmett; it made sense to switch, but my nerves failed me.

The four of us stood there, quiet. Emmett, in his robust confidence so unlike my own, finally broke the silence. "So should we switch?"

We all murmured our acquiescence, though I had a feeling the others were cheering silently just like me. The four of us all stood there, waiting for someone else to make the first move. "Well, have a good night then," I finally said. I shook Emmett's hand and offered Rosalie a smile, but her eyes were full of Emmett; I wasn't even sure she saw it.

Izzy wished them well and waved, promising a phone call to Rosalie later in the week. As we stepped off the curb, Izzy slipped on a small patch of black ice. I caught her and waited for her to steady herself. "Thanks," she mumbled, eyes on the ground. "I'm such a klutz." She tried to laugh it off but I saw shame flash through her eyes.

It instantly made me angry. At what, I wasn't sure: the bowling alley for not sanding the lot, Mother Nature for creating ice in the first place? Either way, I hated the sight of pain and embarrassment on Izzy's face.

"It's my fault," I announced.

"Yours? How so?" Izzy gave me a calculated look.

"Well, Ms. Swan, I believe I offered you my arm for the night, and I have been neglecting that." I held out my arm and was pleased to see a soft smile return to her face as she took it.

"Why thank you, Mr. Cullen."

"Any time."

Izzy talked of how well she thought the night had gone as we crossed to my car. I was listening intently, mumbling agreements at appropriate moments, when Izzy stopped suddenly. I looked down at her in surprise.

"Izzy? What's wrong?"

"That's your car?" She pointed to my Lamborghini which we had just reached.

"Yeah, why?"

"It's very, um, yellow." I laughed. It _was_ pretty yellow. _Perhaps it's time for a change_, I thought as I stared down at my car. "What is it?"

"It's a Lamborghini, a Diablo, to be exact. Why? Do you like cars?"

She laughed. "No, it's just that . . ." She trailed off.

"What?" I pressed.

"I think I know someone who has one."

"Here in Portland?"

"Yeah, he . . . I don't know." She shook her head.

"I didn't think anyone else in this town had one, but who knows?" I unlocked her door and opened it for her.

She gave the car one last look before hopping in. "It doesn't matter. It's probably not even the same car."

I closed the door behind her and then moved around to my side. As I got in and started the engine, I realized, crestfallen, that it was only 15 minutes or so to her apartment. "Maybe we should let the car warm up," I announced. _You're grasping at anything to extend this date,_ my subconscious mocked. It was true; I was unwilling to let Izzy go just yet.

"Mm, it is cold." Izzy smiled at me, and my heart began to race again. Her eyes were far away again, and I wondered if she was still mulling over my Lamborghini.

I watched her cock her head to one side and, once again, I wished I could read her mind. "What?"

"I was just thinking . . ." She bit her lip and fell silent, reluctant to share whatever thought had crossed her mind.

"What?" I pressed.

"I thought you drove a different car; that's all."

"The car we used last weekend was a rental."

"No, not that one. I thought . . . no, never mind." She quickly turned back towards her window and focused on something in the distance.

I felt the blood drain from my face as I realized which car she was thinking of. "That was her car," I muttered, staring at the steering wheel. I wanted to tell her everything, explain it all, but I wasn't sure how to find the words. Izzy remained silent, and finally, desperate just to hear her voice, I forced myself to speak. "Izzy, about that . . . I should, we should-" My voice was barely audible, and I could not, for the life of me, complete a goddamn sentence.

"It's all right." Izzy's was still facing away from me.

"No! No, it's not all right. I shouldn't have, I mean, I don't, I . . ." I finally gave up and lapsed into silence.

"We don't have to talk about it." Izzy's voice sounded so empty and far away; I was terrified my actions had already cost me her. _How could she ever forget the sight of you with a waitress on your dick, Edward?_

"No, we should. I _want_ to, Izzy. I need to explain. I owe you that much."

She turned back to me, and our eyes met. Trapped in her gaze, I felt the walls around me crumble. I was stripped bare as she looked at me with inquisitive eyes. "You're right," she whispered, "but not tonight, Edward. Please."

She fell silent but did not turn away until I nodded in agreement. Not sure of what else to say, I put the car in gear and pulled out. We drove down Forest Avenue in a silence that was more painful than I could imagine.

Despite the unbearable quietness, the trip to Izzy's place was over far too quickly. As I parked in front of her apartment building, I glanced over at her. Her face was knit with anxiety. _Is she worried I'll want to come in?_ I did want to, of course, but part of me held back, afraid the relationship would dissolve and I would end up back where I started.

"Do you want to-" Izzy gestured to the building.

"No!" The word came out too suddenly and too loudly, and I immediately regretted it. Izzy hurriedly reached for the door handle, muttering a goodbye and fumbling with the door in her haste. Ice filled my veins as I realized she just wanted to get away from me. "Wait, Izzy. Wait!" She paused as I reached for her arm but refused to look at me. "Izzy, that came out wrong, please just-"

"No, I understand-"

"No, you don't. Izzy, please. I just . . . Look, I want this, no, _need _this to be different. I can't, I just . . . Fuck!" I smacked the steering wheel hard with my palm, angry that I was unable to articulate how I felt.

As I looked up at Izzy, I was surprised to see her staring at me intently. I opened my mouth to try again, but Izzy shook her head. "It's okay, Edward."

"But-"

"It's okay," she repeated, before biting her lip and dropping her gaze to the floor.

"Izzy?"

"Would you, could you walk me to my door?"

"Of course." I felt warmth creep back into my body as a gentle smile graced her beautiful face for the briefest of seconds.

I jumped out of the car and rushed around to open her door. She thanked me as I offered my arm and led her into the building. The walk up to her apartment was, again, too short, and long before I was ready, we were at her door.

"Tonight was . . . fun. Thank you." It sounded like she meant it, but there were so many unanswered questions between us, so many unspoken words.

"We should do it again. Maybe with enough practice, I could actually beat Emmett."

Izzy snorted with laughter and the sound made me crack up as well. "Edward," she finally said breathlessly. "That could take years."

"Well, let's start next weekend." My words sounded more like a plea than an invitation.

Izzy raised her eyes to mine and gave me a sad smile. "We can't."

I felt all the air leave my body and, for an instant, I was afraid I would just drop to the floor. I tore my gaze from hers. "Um, all right. Well, have a good night-"

She grabbed my arm as I backed away. "Edward, the _party_ is next weekend. That's all I meant."

"Oh! The Christmas party. Shit, is it that soon?" Relief and excitement flooded my body, but it was short-lived. I realized my head had been completely out of the game since I'd met Izzy. "Well then I guess I'll see you there. Perhaps you'll save me a dance?"

"You might be a bit busy with your two dates." The force behind her words surprised me, and I couldn't help but grin. "It's not funny." She shot me a scornful look as I shook silently, but I could not stop the laughter from erupting. "I don't know why the hell you're laughing." She smacked me and turned towards her apartment door.

"Wait, Izzy! Hold up a second." I grabbed her arm and pulled her back to me. Her warm breath tickled my chin as I held her flush against me. She froze as I leaned in but immediately relaxed as I whispered in her ear. I was rewarded with another smile as I pulled back slightly.

"Really?" She gave me a calculating frown.

"Scout's honor." I held up three fingers and gave her a solemn look.

"Edward. That's the Girl Scout's sign. Boy Scouts is two fingers." She rolled her eyes at me. Her fingers were soft and warm as she reached over and corrected me; I quickly grasped her hand in mine.

She looked up at me in mild surprise but quickly entwined her fingers in mine. I pulled her in closer and my free hand found its way into those soft brown locks. Brushing a strand out of her face, I became lost in her eyes once again.

Her lips parted slightly and I heard her breath catch as I moved closer. Izzy moved to speak and I brushed her lips with my thumb, hushing her. She kissed my thumb softly, and it sent tingles throughout my entire body. My lips sought hers, but I paused an inch from them.

I stood there staring deep into her eyes until I heard her whimper softly in anticipation. My self-control crumbled, and suddenly I was kissing her. Our lips molded together perfectly and her body formed to mine.

I wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her closer, kissing her deeper. We stayed that way until we were both gasping for breath. I broke away unwillingly and rested my forehead against Izzy's as I struggled to catch my breath. The fear that continued to plague me whenever I was in Izzy's presence had faded. In her arms, I felt safe, whole. Izzy felt like … "Home."

"What?" I heard her whisper as her fingers brushed my forehead.

"I said, 'welcome home'."

"That was the best welcome I think I've ever had." Izzy giggled softly.

A door slammed somewhere down the hall and we jumped at the noise, breaking apart. I immediately missed her warmth, her touch. Izzy looked crestfallen as well, and I fought the urge to take her in my arms again.

"I should-" She took her keys out of her jacket pocket.

"Yeah, I suppose. So next weekend?"

"I'm looking forward to it." Izzy turned towards her door but paused as she put the key in. I saw a shadow of fear cross her face.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing." She shook her head and gave me an unconvincing smile.

"Izzy, what is it?" I grabbed her hand as she turned away.

Staring at the door, she finally managed to spit out, "Could you, could you just do me one quick favor?" Her cheeks had reached a new level of red, and guilt flooded me for demanding an answer.

"Anything," I said, truly meaning it.

"Could you just wait a minute, while I check my apartment? I have this friend who's supposed to be coming over to stay with me, but she's not here yet and I just . . ." She trailed off and her eyes dropped to her hands as she fumbled with her keys.

I heard her breathing accelerate, and this time it had nothing to with a kiss. Panic rippled through me as I realized she was terrified of going into her own apartment. "Of course I will, but why, Izzy? What's going on?"

She bit her lip hard. "It's just . . . someone broke into my apartment last week. I'm still jumpy and-"

"Jesus, Izzy, why didn't you tell me?"

She looked up in surprise. "I, I don't know. I guess I didn't want to bother you with it."

"Bother me? Jesus, Izzy. Were the cops here? Did this guy take anything? Were you home?" The level of my voice rose as the horror of what _could _have happened flooded my mind.

"Edward, I'm fine. The guy's . . . gone. I really don't want to revisit it right now. Can we just forget about it for tonight? Please?"

I nodded, seeing the fatigue that immediately washed over her body. "Okay, we'll talk later." She gave me a weak but grateful smile and I followed her into her apartment.

It was empty thankfully; my mind was still racing at the idea of someone hurting Izzy, and I wasn't sure I'd have noticed an intruder before it was too late. I offered to stay until her friend arrived, but she refused, assuring me she was fine.

I snagged one final chaste kiss before reluctantly heading out into the night, feeling slightly bereft. My only consolation was her promise that she would call me if she felt at all nervous or scared. Guilt tore through me as a brief flicker of hope that she _would_ call ignited inside me. _She deserves better, Edward,_ was my final thought before heading home.

* * *

**Cheers.**


	22. Chapter 21

**A/N**

**Much love to IrishTwiFicster and ladyeire3. I couldn't do it without, you two. Honestly, I love you both. **

**This chapter turned out to be a bit longer than I thought it would, so get comfortable. As always, thanks for reading and reviewing.**

****WARNING: This chapter contains strong language and scenes of domestic violence****

**Chapter 21**

**IPOV**

My weekend culminated with a phone call from Edward. He told me how much he'd enjoyed our second date, and that he was very much looking forward to seeing me at the Anderson's Christmas party. The call was altogether too short but left me thrilled to my core just from the sound of his voice. Alice, who spent much of the weekend with me, was as excited as I was about the man she insisted on calling "Pricky".

An impetuous decision during our phone call had me promising Edward the first dance. I had realized as soon as the words left my mouth that, since hurting my ankle, I hadn't even _attempted _to walk in my Jimmy Choos, much less dance in them. _One issue at a time, Izzy._

My high continued through Monday and Tuesday. By Tuesday afternoon, I had nearly convinced myself that Jacob had left. He'd given up and gone back to Seattle, and I could breathe again. It took a lot of persuading before Darlene agreed that it was time for her to go back to her place. Only after promising her four times that I would call her and the police if anything happened, did she finally agree.

My nerves tingled as I opened the door to my apartment Tuesday evening. I had left every light in the place on that morning, but that did not decrease the feeling of foreboding that came over me as I stepped into the apartment. _It's been a week and a half, Izzy. A week and a half and you haven't seen or heard from him._ That thought didn't stop me from holding my breath as I hurriedly checked all the rooms. Only when I had cleared the whole apartment and thrown the deadbolt behind me did I relax.

When Charlie called me that night, I was sure it was to tell me that Jacob had returned to Washington; though I was disappointed immediately. As soon as I picked up the phone, Charlie greeted me with, "Is that fucker still bothering you, Izzy?"

"Uh, hello Dad. How are you?"

"Isabella, answer the question."

"I haven't seen or heard from him in over a week, Dad. I figure he got the hint and is probably back in Washington by now."

"Good. Well, he better stay on the fucking Res', Izzy, cause if I see that little bastard . . ."

"Dad! Jeez, pottymouth much?"

"Isabella, nobody hurts my little girl, you understand? It's my job to protect you."

"I know, but you can't do anything to jeopardize your job, Char . . . Dad. _I mean it_." I heard him grumble something unintelligible.

"Fine, but if he lays a hand on you . . ." Charlie left the warning hanging in the air, and I choked up a bit at the emotion in his voice.

When I could speak again, I mumbled, "Thank you, Daddy," before quickly switching the topic to Christmas. "I'm sorry I won't be home. I just am not up for traveling this holiday season."

"Stop apologizing, Izzy. You're a grown woman with your own life. Don't you worry about me and Sue, we'll be fine. You'll have to tell me what you want for Christmas though. Sue's been bugging me. She wants to mail it soon so you'll get it in time."

I froze and my eyes immediately found the brown package sitting on my bookshelf in the living room. "Shit," I muttered as fear coursed through me.

"What? Izzy?"

It took me several seconds to calm myself down enough to speak. Charlie was becoming agitated when I finally spit out, "I'm fine. I just. . .I don't know what I want. Don't worry too much about it, okay?"

"Izzy, are you sure you're all right?" He didn't sound convinced.

"I'm fine, Dad. Just tired. I'll think of something this weekend and give you a call next week, okay?"

We said our goodbyes and I hung up the phone. I almost burst into tears as all the joy that had surrounded me since Edward's last kiss seeped out of me. Bitterness filled the emptiness. "Jesus, Izzy, you should have known." Charlie had _never_ mailed anything on time. I was lucky to get a birthday card by Halloween. "You should have known." I wasn't sure what hurt more: the realization that I might never escape Jacob, or the fact that I had been stupid enough to fall for one of his tricks, _again_.

I stared at the box for ten minutes as various options raced through my head. I _should_ call Darlene and Alice. I _should_ call Detective Longmont. I _should_ just throw the damn thing out. A small piece of me still hoped that the box was from someone else, _anyone_ else. I walked over and picked it up, praying for a postmark from my mother in Florida or my old college roommate Angela in Nebraska.

_Portland, ME._ I stared at it, but the damn thing refused to change. _Edward! Maybe it's a gift from Edward._ That seemed unlikely, but I grasped at it as I set the box back down. Edward was another person I could, and probably _should_ call.

"Not tonight," I murmured to no one in particular. "It's late and-" I dropped off as I realized I was making excuses to myself now. I left the box there and triple-checked the deadbolt before crawling into bed. My energy was drained, and I would deal with the damn box in the morning. I found myself missing the cloud I had been riding on the past few days. The happiness that had filled me had all but gone, leaving me depleted and hollow. As I lay there trying and failing to stifle the sobs, the last thought before I drifted into an uneasy sleep was, _the waves always go back out to sea, Izzy. Any happiness is bound to disappear.  
_

I spent most of the night tossing and turning, and, as a result, overslept. I tried to keep the box in the back of my mind while I rushed around getting ready for work, but it haunted my thoughts. As a result, my clumsiness was in overdrive, and, by the time I arrived at work, I had already spilled coffee on my suit jacket and all over the cab, ruined the up-do I had spent ten minutes perfecting, and forgotten my dress shoes.

"Guess I'm wearing my damn boots all day," I muttered as I stomped into the office.

"Morning, Izzy. We have a meeting with Devlin in-"

"I know!" I snapped, cutting Darlene off as I threw my purse and jacket on my desk. I took a deep breath and turned back to her to apologize. "Look, I'm sorry. I-"

"What happened?"

"Nothing happened. I've just had a shit morning and-"

"Did he call you or contact you or-"

"No, Darlene. He hasn't tried to contact me again since we last talked about this." _A little white lie._ Technically, I had gotten the package over a week ago. I just hadn't realized it had been from Jacob then.

She looked at me skeptically but finally nodded. "Okay, well Jeannie is running out for coffee. Do you want me to have her get you one?"

"I better not. I am in rare form this morning," I said, glaring at the damn stain on my jacket. "Do you have the Devlin file?"

"Yup. I'll be back in twenty?" I nodded as she handed me the file and left.

Sighing, I collapsed into my chair and rubbed my temples. Hopefully, Darlene would accept my excuse and drop the matter altogether. Then again, Darlene was as stubborn as I was.

The rather obvious shift in my mood overnight was not brought up again all day, and I allowed myself to hope that Darlene had forgotten it. That hope disintegrated when she appeared in my doorway at five. "You heading out?" I tried to make my voice sound cheerful and light.

"Nice try, and no. I think I'll crash at your place tonight." She dropped into a chair across from me.

"Darlene, I'm fine. You don't need to do that."

"Isabella Swan," I rolled my eyes as she used my full name, "you _are_ going to tell me what the hell is going on."

"Darlene Anderson, as previously mentioned-"

"Bull shit. Don't lie."

"Hey! I'm your boss-"

"We're off the clock."

"No, it's . . ." I trailed off as I glanced at the clock and realized that, technically, Darlene was right.

"Babe, you can't do this alone." Darlene's voice was quiet, but there was urgency in her words. "Sweetie, I don't know what this guy is capable of, but I saw what he did to your office. I've seen the bruises on your wrists, Izzy. He is dangerous, hon, and you need help with this. You don't have to do everything alone. There's no shame in needing help." My throat closed, and I fought back tears as her words washed over me. "Izzy, what happened?"

"That box I got last week?" I finally whispered. "It's not from my dad."

"It was from Jacob? What was in it?" She steeled herself for my answer, but I just shook my head.

"I haven't opened it yet."

"Good idea. We should call the cops, have them open it."

"No! Fuck, Darlene. I don't even know if it _is_ from him. I don't want them involved. I just, I need to open it first."

"And if it is from him, we'll call them." I chose not to argue. "Oh, shit."

"What?" I asked, alarmed.

"I promised Toby I'd drive him up to Lewiston tonight. I don't know why the dumb shit can't drive himself."

"Because he lost his license for DUI," I replied.

Darlene rolled her eyes. "Stupid little fuck. Okay listen. I'll give you a ride home, make sure you're okay and then run Toby up to the Dirty Lew. I won't be long - an hour and a half, tops."

"That's fine, Darlene. Honestly, you don't even have to-"

"No. You should have someone there with you when you open that box. I hope it's not a bomb." She frowned.

"Darlene, it's not a bomb. Seriously, you watch too many movies."

"Well either way. Come on, I'm taking you home." I rose and retrieved my purse and coat before following her acquiescently.

Darlene seemed in a hurry to get her brother to Lewiston and get back to me. The deadbolt was still in place when we arrived back at my apartment, so I shooed her out, telling her the quicker she left, the sooner she'd be back.

I was still on edge as I threw my purse onto the kitchen counter and walked into my living room. Silently, I was still praying the package was not from Jacob. Subconsciously, my eyes sought it out. It was sitting in the center of my couch. My veins filled with ice as I realized that was _not _where I had left it.

_Get out!_ My inner bitch screamed, but I was frozen to the floor. Mere seconds passed before fear freed my feet, and I spun, ready to sprint for the door. I was a half-second too late. Jacob loomed in front of me, and I felt all the air leave my body in one fell swoop.

The combination of my severe desire to get away from _him_ and the loss of all my oxygen left me dizzy, and I stumbled away from Jacob. I felt his strong hands grip my upper arms, and I flailed at him. "Don't!" The word burst from my mouth with an intensity that surprised even me.

"I didn't want you to fall." Jacob let me go and stepped back. _He has that look; that stupid, fucking, little, lost, puppy look, _my inner bitch sneered, and I immediately fought back any sympathy or regret for hurting Jacob's feelings.

"What are you doing here, Jacob?" I struggled anxiously to keep fear out of my voice; inside, I was shaking like a leaf. "How did you get in?"

"You didn't open it." He practically whimpered, and I just managed to restrain myself from punching him in the face . . . or another bodily area.

"Jacob, you need to leave or-"

"Or what?" He dropped his hurt act and sneered at me. "You'll call that pretty little redhead pig? Bring her over. The three of us can have a little fun." His eyes roamed my body and I had to suppress the urge to shudder. I flinched as his hand reached for me, and he gave a cruel laugh. "Now, now, Izzy. I just want to talk." He ran one finger down the length of my arm. My eyes burned as I turned my face away, hiding the tears. "Why didn't you open it?" he demanded, stepping around me and reaching for the package.

I seized my opportunity and took off - for the door, for my cell phone, for anything that could save me. I made it about two feet before I felt his strong hand grasp my wrist and pull me back. He flung me onto the couch, and my head smacked the arm hard. I was still seeing stars when he started yelling.

I tried to tune him out. _Let him scream, they're just words,_ my mind whispered but Jacob knew exactly how to hurt me, and it wasn't always with his fists.

"What the fuck is your problem? You called the goddamn cops on me, you ungrateful bitch! Did you tell them you're a fucking whore? Did you tell them how you're fucking that pretty little lawyer just so you can ride around in his pretty car? I can't imagine what else you could see in that fucking little faggot."

My inner bitch roared, and a retort flowed from my mouth before I even knew I was speaking. "That's none of your business, and I am _not_-" I froze as I realized Jacob knew about Edward. _Jesus, is he stalking Edward too?_ The thought sent chills throughout my body as I gaped up at Jacob.

"Yeah, like I'd believe _that_." He crouched down in front of me so his eyes were level with mine. His voice dropped as he stared me in the face. "You must be, Isabella, 'cause why else would a high profile attorney be with a small-town piece of trash like you."

I swallowed hard but couldn't stop the tears this time. Jacob always knew my deepest fears, and he relished in drawing them out. "Why didn't you open it?" he repeated.

"I . . . I thought it was from Charlie." Jacob gave me a patronizing look. "Charlie said he was sending me . . . something," I finished lamely. _Probably not a good time to mention the "something" Charlie had said he would send was mace to use on this fucker. _On top of everything else, Jacob always made me feel like an imbecile, and my inner bitch was, for once, entirely on my side.

"You should have known it was from me, Izzy. Charlie's moved on. He never wanted you or Renee. Now he has a new wife, a new family. I'm the only one who cares about you now. Sue and his job; that's all he talked about when we were fishing. It was like pulling teeth to get him to tell me about you."

I sat there, trying to swallow his words. _Charlie wants to kill Jacob for hurting you,_ I reminded myself, but somewhere in the back of my mind, some small part of me wondered if Jacob's words were true. I had always been a pawn, a weapon that Charlie or Renee could use to hurt the other. Maybe that's all I ever was.

"Baby, I'm all you have left." Jacob reached for me and I scurried as far away from him as possible on the couch. I saw anger flash through his dark brown eyes, but mercifully, he didn't grab me. He rose, still seething, and picked up the box. "Open it," he growled before chucking it at me.

The corner of it caught me in the temple, and I bit back a cry of pain. "What is it?" My voice was shaky, but I was impressed that I could still speak.

"Open it."

_There's no sense arguing with him. He'll just make you in the end. _That thought was not comforting as I tore at the packing tape. I was too slow for Jacob, who finally ripped the box from my hands in exasperation.

Despite my assurances to Darlene that the box wasn't dangerous, I still cringed when he finally opened it. Sadly, the damn thing did not blow up in his face. Jacob held it out to me, a triumphant smile on his face. I stared at it tentatively. "Take it!" he snarled before thrusting it back in my hands.

With trembling hands, I pulled away the tissue that filled the box and found . . . "A tee-shirt?" I looked up at him questioningly. Rage filled his features, and I was suddenly terrified _he_ would explode. I hastily pulled it out and realized it was an old, worn shirt from the community college we had both attended. _A reminder of better times?_ The voice in my head was dripping with sarcasm. I almost laughed out loud at the absurdity, but my amusement drained quickly as I unfolded the shirt.

There was a baseball-sized blood stain on the front. Disgust and terror raced through me, but I could not tear my eyes from the near-black patch that marked the faded grey cotton. "Baby," Jacob knelt in front of me once again, "you know that's wasn't the first blood that I wanted." I stared down at the dried blood remembering the last time I had seen the shirt. The first night I had seen Jacob's temper, the first time he had hit me . . . I had been wearing the shirt that night. _He kept it. He kept the fucking thing._ My brain couldn't quite comprehend it. My eyes were still locked on the dark stain when Jacob's words finally registered.

Realizing what he meant, I was overwhelmed by a sudden desire to vomit on him. I began to tremble violently, and I threw the whole package at him. Struggling to my feet, I tried to push past him, desperate to get away. He caught me easily and even laughed as I struggled in his arms. The more I fought, the tighter his grip became, until his temper took over.

He threw me back on the couch, harder this time, and knocked all the wind out of me. I sat there gasping for air while he loomed over me. The distinct sound of my cell phone ringing in the kitchen made us both jump. I instinctively began to rise, but Jacob immediately stepped in front of me. "I don't think so. We need to talk. Your little pansy _boyfriend_," he glared at me, "will have to wait."

Jacob retrieved the box from the floor where it had fallen. "There's more." My hands were shaking so badly, the crackling of the tissue paper filled my ears as I reached back into the box. My fingers closed around a fabric bound book. Pulling it out, I realized it was a photo album.

I set the box back on the couch and placed the album on my knees. "Open it." Without looking up at Jacob, I opened the album. The first page had two school pictures from my high school days. I flinched internally at the awkward smile and the ugly clothes.

"Where did you get these?" My voice was barely audible, and words left me completely as I turned the page.

"Charlie," Jacob said simply. I was doubtful that Charlie had just handed over school pictures of me and briefly wondered if Jacob had stolen them. Fear of his temper, however, kept me from confronting him.

The second page had fuzzy shots of me at prom. They looked like they'd been taken through a window. Further in, I found photos of me around town in Forks, shots of me on the college campus, at the small café Angela and I had frequented. There were occasional pictures of Jacob and I over the course of our relationship.

With new eyes, I was startled to see my face next to his. He looked healthy, happy; I looked empty. Too many of the photographic Izzys had bruises; deep purple ones that were fresh, ugly yellow ones that had almost healed. There were only hints of them in the photos; I had developed a penchant for long sleeves and turtlenecks. Jacob had encouraged the new wardrobe, calling me a whore if I showed too much skin. Still, I caught glimpses of the injuries I had sustained at Jacob's hands in far too many of the photographs.

I had nearly forgotten Jacob was standing there until he spoke up. "Well?" I kept my eyes on the final photograph. It was taken only a few days after I had graduated from college; the day I had accepted the job in Maine; the day I had finally made the decision to leave.

Jacob decided my silence was a sign that I was overcome with emotion. He grabbed my hand and though I flinched, he did not relinquish it. "Izzy, don't you see? Look at us together. We're meant to be. Us meeting at college, falling in love; that wasn't just fate. Izzy, I went to that college because you did. I've loved you from the moment I first saw you."

I leaned away from him instinctively as he continued on. "Izzy, don't you see you're good for me? I graduated high school, so that I could go to college with you. I kept myself on the right path 'cause your father was a cop. You make me a better person, and I'm good for you, baby."

I gave him an incredulous look and he frowned at me. "Izzy, how far would you have gotten with your damn paintings? You don't have the stamina to make it down that road. It would have crushed you when you realized you'd never get published."

"I'll never know now," I whispered as pain tore at my heart.

"But see, Izzy? Now you have a good job, a _real_ job. Now we can be together. I can be the man you need me to be, more than _that_ douchebag will ever be. I'm better with you. I've become a better person since I met you."

"You didn't quit drinking." My inner bitch got off the remark before I could stop her. I didn't even see Jacob's hand until it collided with my cheek. The sound echoed throughout the living room. Shock brought tears to my eyes, and when the pain settled in a few seconds later, they immediately began to flow.

"I won't apologize for that," Jacob said in a stern tone. "You deserved it. You promised I would be your first, but I've seen you with that lawyer, Izzy. I've seen the way you undress for that punk rocker; so fucking eager for it, you fucking slut."

_Undress for a punk rocker? Edward? No it can't be. Oh God, he must mean- _"Eric?" I asked, confused, but Jacob ignored me.

"You promised me, Izzy. After I fucking waited _years_ for you."

"I _never-_" Venom filled my voice, but Jacob's raised hand cut my words short as I ducked to avoid another slap.

My cell phone rang again in the kitchen, effectively saving me from Jacob's hand. I was grateful to the caller. Slaps hurt, but rarely left much of a mark. If I got him too angry, he would start punching. Jacob gave my purse a scathing glare.

"You're fucking boyfriend doesn't give up, does he?" He strode into the kitchen and immediately rifled through the bag, searching for my phone. I rose, calculating my chances of getting to the door and opening it before he caught me. They weren't good.

"Who's Darlene?" I glanced at Jacob in surprise.

"A friend. We're . . . um, supposed to hang out tonight." _Take the hint and get out, you crazy fuck. _The phone rang again in Jacob's hand. "She's kind of persistent."

"Tell her you're busy." He threw the phone at me, and I nearly dropped it.

Fear filled my veins as I answered it. "Um, hello?"

"Izzy? What the fuck? I've called 3 times. Why didn't you pick up?"

"Oh hey, Darlene. How are you?"

"How am I? Well, my best friend has a crazy stalker after her and refuses to answer the phone when I call which, of course, scares the shit out of me. That's how I am."

"I'm fine, thanks." Jacob shot me a venomous glare and motioned for me to hurry up.

"What? Izzy, what are you talking about?"

"So listen, about tonight? I can't come over. Sorry." Darlene fell silent on the other end, but I continued, anxious not to incur Jacob's wrath. "Yeah, I know. I was just thinking back to our _talk_, and you were right."

"Our talk?" Darlene paused and her voice dropped to a horrified whisper. "Izzy, is _he_ there?"

"Exactly. So, uh, I guess I'll see you at work tomorrow."

"Izzy, don't hang up."

"I have to."

"Izzy, wait-" I ended the call, cutting her off, and Jacob immediately held out his hand. I placed my cell phone into his hand before collapsing back on the couch, defeated. I could only pray now that Darlene would call the cops.

I wrapped my arms protectively around myself, hugging my knees to my chest. "Good work." I ignored Jacob, even as he sat next to me on the couch.

He picked up the photo album and thumbed through it. "Izzy, this book . . . I just wanted to remind you how good we had it. We're meant to be, you and me. I love you."

I nearly laughed out loud as I realized his _gift_ had had the opposite effect than he had hoped. Seeing the pictures, the bruises, the hollow look in my eyes, was a blatant reminder of all the ugly parts of our relationship. I had suppressed them or dismissed them over the years in my attempt to focus on the good. _You were so anxious to not be alone, Izzy._ I left the thought hanging in the back of my mind.

"Isabella," Jacob whispered my name, and I felt his fingers underneath my chin. I fell off the couch in my haste to get away from him, but he had me by the wrist before I could even steady myself. I cried out as he yanked me to my feet and shook me.

"What is your fucking problem? Is it that fucking lawyer? Because I'll take care of him if I need to, Izzy. Don't you underestimate me, you little bitch."

"Leave Edward alone!" I screamed, trying and failing to wrench my arm from his iron grip.

"Edward, huh? So that's the faggot's name. Well, I might have to have words with-" Jacob froze, and we both turned abruptly as the sound of nearing police sirens reached us.

Jacob turned back to me slowly. The fire was gone from his eyes, replaced with smoldering hatred. _Oh God._ "You little cunt," he whispered.

The horror that crept over me did not even have time to register in my brain before Jacob's fist connected with my cheek, and I hit the floor.

* * *

**EPOV**

Alice had spent Saturday night at a friend's house. The second she returned on Sunday though, she immediately began grilling me for as many details as she could about my second date with Izzy. I'd managed to remain mum but had to admit that I hadn't thought to call her as I was seeing her again on Saturday. That had earned me a sound verbal beating about making "the poor girl" feel appreciated.

Between my nervousness and Alice's obnoxious tendency to hover whenever she saw me with my cell phone in hand, I wasn't able to call Izzy all day on Sunday.

By the time Alice was getting ready to leave to go back to her friend's house, my nerves were shot. I was convinced that if I didn't call Izzy, she would forget about me. As a result, I was on edge and anxious for Alice to get out. I directed my fear and irritation at her as she flipped through my DVD collection, taking _forever_ to choose a stupid movie to take with her.

I made the comment that I had a friend whose place had been broken into as well. I still did not feel comfortable about the fact that Alice was her friend's first defense against some crazed lunatic. My remark about the crime rate in Portland getting ridiculous was met with a snide retort from Alice about "those people who keep putting criminals back on the street."

I shot her a nasty look as she headed out the door but quickly regretted it. She hadn't been gone 5 minutes before I had myself fully convinced her friend's crazy stalker would be waiting for her. As such, my phone call to Izzy was delayed yet again while I demanded Alice come back.

"I don't want you there. It's dangerous. Come back now," I growled into the phone as soon as Alice picked up.

To my intense aggravation, she merely laughed. "Edward, I'm fine. Now stop avoiding calling your _girlfriend._"

"She's not my girlfriend," I replied sullenly. "Mary Alice," I quickly switched to my authoritative courtroom voice, "I am concerned for your safety. I think you should come home immediately."

"Edward Anthony," she matched my tone perfectly, "your concern is noted and appreciated. I will, however, be spending the evening with my dear friend, Iz-"

"Alice!" I nearly threw the phone in frustration.

"Edward, sweetie, honey, dearest brother, I _promise_ to call you if _anything_ should arise. Now hang up the damn phone, and call your mystery woman."

"Al-"

"Edward, you can't avoid her forever. I know she scares you, but I'm sure it will be worth it in the end." I fell silent and played with the hem of my jeans. "Call her, Edward."

I gave Alice a non-committal grunt before ending the call.

I stared at the phone for several minutes before finally biting the bullet and calling Izzy. All in all, the conversation went well. She had sounded very sincere when she told me she too enjoyed our bowling date. She had even promised me a dance at the Christmas party, a fact that invigorated me thoroughly. I got over my nerves after only a few minutes of conversation. I was once again surprised by the intensity and profound effect Izzy had on me emotionally. After hanging up, I was suddenly anxious to see my beautiful Izzy dressed to the nines. Saturday could not come fast enough.

To my intense surprise and delight, the week flew by. I was juggling several cases and work mercifully kept my mind occupied. Thursday brought about another issue that kept me from dwelling on the upcoming party.

I arrived home from work late that night to find Alice in tears. The second I crested the stairs, she threw herself at me. Taken aback, I immediately wrapped my arms around her and let her sob. With only one brief thought about what her tears were doing to my Gucci jacket, I led her to the couch and waited patiently for her to calm down.

Finally, after nearly twenty minutes, Alice straightened up and attempted to brush away the tears that marred her cheeks. "Alice, what's wrong?"

"Thank you," she said between hiccups.

"Did you have a fight with Jasper? What's going on?" I put a hand on her shoulder as her lip trembled again. She was scaring me. "Alice, tell me. Please, little bat."

"No, it's not about Jasper. My friend . . ." She trailed off and the threat of more tears seemed imminent. With strength I did not know she had, Alice took a deep breath and seemed to compose herself. "The friend that I told you about? The one who needed a restraining order?"

"Oh God." My voice was barely audible as I waited for her to continue.

"The fucker broke into her apartment last night."

"Is she . . .?" I asked quietly.

"No, no physically she's fine. He hit her a few times, but nothing more than a few bruises. Her friend called the cops, and they showed up almost immediately."

"Did they catch the bastard?"

"No. He was gone before they got there. Edward, the restraining order-" She looked at me with desperation in her eyes and my heart ached that my baby sister had to deal with this sort of shit. _Again, Edward. _The reminder of Felix's involvement in Alice's life sent a streak of rage rushing through me.

"I'll have Carol run through all the paperwork tomorrow. I can finish anything else up this weekend. I could fill it all out for her, if she wants to just give me the information. It would be quicker."

"I'll ask her." Alice nodded and then opened her mouth to continue but paused.

"What?"

"She . . . she can't afford-"

I dropped my hand from her shoulder and rose quickly. I was hurt by my sister's implication. "Is _that_ why you think I'm doing this? I don't want her fucking money, Alice." I turned and strode towards the kitchen.

"Edward, wait. _Wait_!"

I ignored her pleas and grabbed a beer from the fridge before retreating upstairs to my bedroom. I nursed the beer and sat on the bed, overcome by a whirlwind of emotion. Alice's assumption had hurt, and that voice in the back of my head was amused by my pain.

_You always knew you were a monster, Edward. Did you think Alice couldn't see that?_ I tried to ignore the cruel words, but they swam through my head, tearing at me. They combined with the insecurity that still ripped through me when it came to anything Izzy. I was still convinced Saturday would be a key night for us, and I was terrified she would finally see through me. I finally lay down, hoping for sleep to shut off my mind.

Twenty minutes later, I was still awake when Alice appeared at the top of the stairs. "Edward?" I rolled over and tried to ignore her. "Edward, hold on a minute. Let me explain." The pain in her voice cut through me, and I could tell she'd been crying again.

"There's nothing to explain." I nearly choked on the words.

"I shouldn't have said it like that. I didn't think you were doing it for the money, Edward, I swear. I don't think you're like that." I felt the bed move as she sat on the edge.

"There's nothing to explain," I repeated. "And frankly, Alice, I _am_ like that."

"No, you're not." Her hand gripped my shoulder, and she pulled me towards her, forcing me to roll over and face her. "You're not the monster you think you are, Edward. We've all made mistakes, sweetie."

I nodded mutely but couldn't shut off the voice in the back of my mind that was cruelly reminding me of all my transgressions with a hint of glee in his tone. Alice wrapped her arms around me, and though I knew I didn't deserve her love, I allowed it. I found no comfort in her embrace though. I was beyond consolation.

"Are you excited about Saturday?" She smiled down at me hopefully after a few minutes of rocking me gently.

"Saturday?"

"Your next date with your mystery woman."

"Oh. Yeah. You're going to meet her, you know."

"Eventually. You can't hide her from me forever, big brother."

"No, Saturday. You'll meet her on Saturday."

Alice paused. "Really?" Her eyes lit up as she stared at me intently.

"Yup. There's a party I have to go to and you're coming with me." I quickly dropped my eyes to the quilt we were sitting on top of to avoid Alice's piercing gaze.

"Me? Isn't she going to be your date?"

"She already had an invitation. So I thought I'd bring you and-" I stopped short realizing I was about to ruin Alice's surprise.

"And?"

"And I thought you'd enjoy it. Fancy party, rich people, you know."

"Edward, what am I going to wear?"

"Oh, uh, you know, a dress or something." I realized that I'd never thought about Alice's outfit. "Didn't you get anything in Boston?"

"Oh, maybe. I'll need to accessorize though. I'll have to hit the mall tomorrow." She nodded to herself, satisfied, before turning back to me.

"So . . ." She trailed off before sadness filled her eyes again. "Are you okay?" I nodded. "Are you lying?" I'm opened my mouth to deny it but couldn't get the words out. "You can call Tim. When's the last time you talked to him?"

"I don't know. A week and a half?" I began picking at the seam in the quilt again. Alice bounded off the bed and grabbed my cell phone from the floor where I'd thrown it in anger.

"Call him. You'll feel better." I scoffed, but she persisted, poking me in the arm with my phone.

I finally sat up and grabbed the damn thing from her before she left a bruise. "Fine." Part of me _did_ want to call Tim. The idea of my sister and Izzy finally meeting made me more nervous than I cared to admit, and I wanted his opinion.

Alice crossed her arms and glared down at me. "Really?"

"Yes, fine. Now get out."

"Promise?"

"Alice," I growled in a menacing tone.

"Love you. Good night, big brother." She gave me a peck on the forehead before scurrying back downstairs.

I threw the phone onto my nightstand and lay back down. My second attempt to fall asleep worked about as well as the first. I tossed and turned for several minutes while Alice's words floated around in my head. "You'll feel better." _Ha. Not much hope for that. _But her advice refused to leave me and, in the end, I sat up and picked up my cell phone.

I stared at it for two full minutes before dialing Tim. I had no idea what I was going to say, or what I hoped it would accomplish, but I called him anyway. It rang several times, and I contemplated giving up.

"Hello?"

"Um, Tim?"

"Edward! How are you?"

"Good."

"That didn't sound terribly convincing."

"I'm just, I don't know. I had a fight with Alice, and I can't get my head on straight, and I'm seeing Izzy again in 48 hours, and Alice is going to meet her, and I just don't know what to do." It all rushed out of me before I could stop it.

"Okay, Edward, it sounds like you're dealing with a lot right now."

"I don't know . . . I-"

"Let's take this one step at a time. You said you had a fight with Alice. What did you two fight about?"

"She has a friend who needs a restraining order, and she asked for my services."

"What did you say?"

"I said yes," I replied indignantly.

"All right, Edward. So what caused this fight?"

I paused. "She . . . she thought I was doing it for the money."

"That must have hurt. Your sister thought you wouldn't help her friend unless there was some compensation in it for you?"

"Yeah, it hurt."

"But?"

"But that's who I am, isn't?" I asked bitterly.

"Is it?"

"Yes. I'm a fucking, money-grubbing, selfish man-whore."

"I don't believe that, Edward."

"Well, then I'd say you don't know me very well, doc. You don't know half the shit I've done."

"Have done or are doing, Edward? You offered to help Alice's friend without expecting some sort of payback, didn't you?"

"Well yeah, but-"

"And you have been treating Izzy with respect? You've been courteous and a gentleman?"

"I guess."

"And you haven't had any more, uh, escapades since the waitress?"

"No."

"Edward, I am well aware that there are things in your past that you're not proud of. You can't undo those things, but I hope you can start to see the changes that I already see in you. You need to give yourself a little credit, Edward. These are big changes for you and they've happened over a very short period of time."

I mumbled something unintelligible and began playing with the seam of my quilt again.

I heard Tim sigh softly before he continued. "You said you're seeing Izzy in 48 hours. This will be your third date?"

"Sort of."

"Sort of?"

"It's just this party that we both happen to be attending. We're not technically going together."

"But you're still nervous?" Tim took my silence as a yes. "Things have been going well with Izzy?"

"Yeah."

"Have you two had a chance to talk?"

"I tried on Saturday. She didn't want to."

"How hard did you try?"

"I'm afraid to push her. I don't want to scare her off."

"I'm not saying push her, Edward. Just make her aware that you need to get this off your chest. Let her know that you don't expect anything from her. You understand that you hurt her, and you regret that. You'd like forgiveness _if _she's willing to give it."

"Do you think she will?"

"Forgive you? I don't know, Edward. I do know that if you never ask, you'll never know the answer. Now, you sounded very on edge about Alice and Izzy meeting. Why does that worry you so much?"

"I don't know. I'm . . ."

"Go on."

"I'm worried that Izzy will find out about the real me."

"The "real you"? Edward, she will have to know the "real you" at some point if you want to be involved in any sort of relationship."

"I know, but, but it's too soon. She's going to run screaming for the door." My voice was laced with panic.

"I don't think she will."

"We'll see," I muttered.

"Edward, this "real you" that you're so afraid Izzy will see; what is he like?"

"I already told you." I sighed, unwilling to admit my worst traits again.

"Ah so you believe the selfish, promiscuous, Edward is the real you." I grunted a response. "And the "you" who is gentle and kind to Izzy, the "you" who reacted so strongly to the idea of your sister being abused, the "you" who is trying so hard to be a better person; that's the act, the mask you're wearing?"

I kept silent.

"I think you have those switched, Edward. I think these changes in your behavior over the past several weeks are the "real you". He's finally feeling safe enough to emerge. That other Edward is the mask, the persona you hide beyond when you're out in the world."

I didn't know how to respond. My eyes burned with unshed tears, and I focused once again on the quilt. _Pussy._ The internal mocking began anew, but Tim's words drowned it out.

"Edward, have you thought more about what I said during our last phone call? About setting up regular appointments with me or with someone up there in Maine? I think it would be very beneficial for you."

I felt a rush of ice water flow through my veins, and my tone immediately became curt. "Sorry, I shouldn't keep calling you and bothering you."

"No, no, Edward. That's not what I meant." Tim immediately backpedaled. "You are _always_ welcome to call me, for _any_ reason. I've known you your whole life; you're like a son to me, Edward. Please do not ever hesitate to call me, any time for any reason. That being said, I think we'd have considerably better progress with regularly scheduled appointments. Do you know what I mean? Will you think about that?"

"Yeah, I understand." I paused, considering for a moment before I continued. "Yeah, I will. Maybe we can talk about it next week. I just want to make it through this party."

"Okay. I can understand that. Shall we talk on Monday?"

"Yeah, that should work."

"Have a good night, Edward."

"You too." The phone clicked in my ear, and I tossed it back on the nightstandwith a sigh. I gave a humorless laugh as I realized Alice had been right. _I do feel – well maybe not _better _but calmer, stronger even… Damnit, I hate it when Alice is right._

I chuckled quietly to myself before lying back down. This time sleep came to me, and it was filled with images of beautiful brown-eyed girls twirling in ball gowns.

Friday passed in a blur and before I even realized it, I was waiting in the cell phone lot at PWM. The brief conversation between Alice and me that morning had felt strained. I was hoping the surprise I had planned for her would fix that.

I couldn't help but smile when Jasper finally strode out of the airport, an overnight bag in hand. I knew Alice would be ecstatic to see him, even though it had only been 3 weeks since he left.

"Hey, Edward!" I reached out to shake his hand, but he pulled me into a one-armed hug. Jasper clapped me on the back before releasing me.

"Good to see you, Jasper."

"So Alice knows nothing?"

"Not a thing. She's going to be over the moon though."

The look on Alice's face, the way her eyes lit up and the squeal that erupted from her mouth the second Jasper crested the stairs made it all worth it. When she finally stopped mauling the poor guy, she attacked me, squeezing me so tightly she forced all the air from my lungs.

"Why? How?" She looked up at me breathlessly, delight in her eyes.

"Merry, early Christmas, I suppose. I just, I wanted to do something to thank you for, well you know . . ." I trailed off, embarrassed.

"Thank you, Edward." Alice cupped my cheek with her soft hand for a brief moment, and I gave her a smile.

"Jasper will be coming to the party tomorrow night, and I, I booked you two a suite at the Eastland for you know, afterwards."

"Edward Cullen, are you blushing?"

"No!" I rolled my eyes and fled to the kitchen, as Alice and Jasper became . . . reacquainted with each other.

Saturday morning, I awoke to a text from Izzy that said "See you tonight!" I quickly responded with "I can't wait! I've missed you all week." Sap that I was, I grinned like a fool while I showered and laid out my suit for that evening. The week had flown by, but Saturday crawled.

I cleaned my bedroom twice, even polishing the keys on my unused piano. I wanted; no I _needed_ everything to be perfect, just in case. _But don't pressure her, Edward. Don't expect it._ I reminded myself constantly so as to counteract the valiant effort my dick was attempting to override that particular decision. I wasn't willing to do anything that might scare her away. I needed Izzy.

Tim's words from the night before came back to me. The "real me" was "finally feeling safe enough to emerge." I wasn't sure if I believed him, and I was surprised to find that I hoped it would be true. _Then I wouldn't be a monster. . ._ I shook my head at the fanciful thought before fleeing downstairs.

I offered to help Alice make dinner, but was so distracted, she finally shooed me out of the kitchen, advising me to go read a book or something. I played cards with Jasper for awhile, and then I watched a movie; though by the time the credits rolled, I couldn't even remember which one we had popped in.

Finally, after what seemed more like days than a few hours, we were all dressed and ready. Alice was gushing to Jasper about how lovely the evening was sure to be. I was sweating bullets and practicing introductions in my head. "Alice, this is Izzy. Izzy, Alice." Alice this is my girlfriend, Izzy." _Wait, is she my girlfriend? Friend? Acquaintance?__ Ugh, no, definitely not acquaintance. That sounds horrid._ Every time I thought I had reached a conclusion, some new thought would pop into my head, and the debate would start anew.

"Edward, it's going to be fine." I looked up to see we were already in the car I had rented and heading quickly, _too quickly_, for Falmouth Foreside.

I opened my mouth to respond, but no words came out. I just nodded instead, returning to the debate in my head.

"I mean it." She squeezed my hand, and I gave her a brief smile.

Alice hopped over to my side of the car and gave me a quick peck on the forehead. She whispered, "I love you, big brother," in my ear before rejoining Jasper on the other side.

By the time we got to the Anderson estate, I was sorely in need of a strong drink. I offered my arm to Alice as she climbed out of the car and waited long enough for Jasper to join us on the walk before heading for the house.

Alice exclaimed about how lovely the grounds were and how fabulous the house was. Jasper agreed quickly before calling my name.

I paused and turned back towards them. "Are we in a hurry?" Jasper asked.

"Um, it's cold. Alice shouldn't be out too long in this cold with that dress." I lied rather unconvincingly.

Alice rolled her eyes. "Sure, Edward. I'm sure your concern for my health is _exactly_ why you're sprinting towards the house."

I nodded and continued on, slowing only slightly to allow them to keep up. The doorman took our jackets and while Jasper admired the art in the hallway and lectured Alice on some guy names Landseer, I leaned in and whispered to the doorman.

"Has Miss Swan arrived yet?"

"No, sir. I do not believe so." He gave me a nod of gratitude as I slipped him a tip.

I sighed, crestfallen before trailing after Jasper and Alice who were making their way to the so-called ballroom. "What's wrong?" Alice demanded the second she spotted my face.

"Nothing. Who's up for a drink?" I clapped my hands and gave Jasper a questioning look.

"Uh, sure." The two of us turned towards where a bar had been set up at the far end of the enormous room. The room was already half full as we began to make our way across. It seemed Philip had invited the "Who's Who" of Maine.

I even spotted the governor and one of the senators. As I slowed, to indiscreetly point them out to Jasper, Alice caught up with us. "Edward, hold up a second." There was worry laced in her voice, so I stopped. "Is she . . . is she not coming?" Her voice was barely audible, and I could hear the pain echo through it.

"She's not _not _coming. She's just not here yet. That's all." The relief that crossed Alice's face made _me_ feel a little bit better as well.

"Drinks?" Jasper reminded us and the three of continued on until we reached the bar. I sipped a whisky, while Alice tried to teach the barman how to make a Snakebite Black.

Jasper rolled his eyes at me, and I gave him a distracted smile. My eyes stayed trained on the entrance. I stared desperately at it, both eager and terrified that Izzy should walk through it.

My breath caught in my throat when she finally appeared. Her hair was down, and it flowed in chocolate waves down her back like silk. Her skin, so pale, seemed to glow, and the entire room lit up with her smile. The dark blue dress she was wearing hugged her body in all the right places – in all the places _I _wanted to hug her body.

I watched as she bit her lip anxiously and scanned the room. Her face brightened when her eyes found me. She gave a small wave, and I returned it. My heart soared as she strode across the room towards me. I kept my gaze locked on her as she made her way through the crowd; all thoughts of introductions fled my mind. When she was only twenty feet away, my heart rate peaked, and I stepped forward to greet her. My mood was dampened as someone shoved me to the side and called out, "Izzy!"

_Asshole,_ I thought and turned to chastise the rude person, but she had already pushed past me. I staggered to the side and watched as she made straight for _my _Izzy. Confusion filled me as Izzy squealed and ran straight into . . . _my sister's arms?_

**Next chap = Christmas party (finally!)**


	23. Chapter 22

**A/N**

**Love to my beautiful betas, as always, and of course, the standard disclaimer: everything Twilight belongs to Ms. Meyer. No copyright infringement intended.**

**On a random side note, my beta, Bee, wants a blinkie (?) or something for her Twilighted forumy signature thingy (if you cannot tell from this sentence, I am slightly tech-tarded) so if anyone knows what a blinkie is and how to make one, an IKTE blinkie would be much appreciated! Thanks!**

**Now, Christmas party, part one…**

Chapter 22

**EPOV**

_ I watched as she bit her lip anxiously and scanned the room. Her face brightened when her eyes found me. She gave a small wave, and I returned it. My heart soared as she strode across the room towards me. I kept my gaze locked on her as she made her way through the crowd. When she was only twenty feet away, I stepped forward to greet her. My mood was dampened as someone pushed me out of the way and called out, "Izzy!"_

_Asshole, I thought and turned to chastise the rude person, but she had already pushed past me. I staggered to the side and watched as she made straight for my Izzy. Confusion filled me as Izzy squealed and ran straight into . . . my sister's arms?_

I stared, my mouth hanging open, as Alice and Izzy, _my Izzy,_ greeted one another jovially. Feeling someone next to me, I turned, my jaw still gaping, to see Jasper standing there. He handed me the drink I had left on the bar.

"Are you all right, Edward?" He gave me a concerned look before a squeal from Izzy made us both turn back towards the girls.

"Jasper! What are you doing back?" Izzy's face broke into a grin, and I was momentarily distracted from my confusion by the brightness and beauty of her smile.

"Hey, little darling! How are you doing?" Jasper strode over to Izzy and gave her a quick hug. _She knows Jasper too!_ I stood there, unable to move as incomprehension flooded me. Alice began telling Izzy about my Christmas surprise for her.

_Alice. . . _I briefly wondered if she had lied to me all along. _Would Alice steal Izzy's number from my phone to find out who she was? Is my sister that nosy? _It would explain why she hadn't been peppering me with questions about my "mystery woman". _No, she couldn't have. She wouldn't._

The idea that Alice might have stooped so low threatened to infuriate me, but reason won out in the end. _Find out the facts first, Edward. It would kill Alice if you accused her and were wrong._ I took a deep breath. When I finally managed to regain control of my body, I started by closing my mouth. Another deep breath and then I moved towards the three of them. I approached them as one would approach an angry bull, perhaps, or maybe a half-starved lion. That mocking voice that always sounded so much like _him _whispered that it was a setup. They had planned this. Fear rippled through me as I reached them, and all three turned to me.

"Edward!" Izzy looked up at me and gave me a smile. As the light brushed her face, I caught the outline of a bruise, well covered with makeup but still visible, on her cheek, and instantly I knew exactly who she was. I almost threw up.

"Oh my God," I whispered to no one in particular or perhaps it was actually a prayer. All thoughts of whether the three of them had premeditated this meeting fled my mind at the sight of Izzy's bruises.

"Edward, I want you to meet someone." Alice reached out and grasped my hand, pulling me closer. "This is my dear friend, Izzy."

Izzy looked at Alice and laughed. "How do you know Edward?"

"Edward's my brother." Alice smiled up at me sweetly, but I was still overcome. _The friend who needs a restraining order, the friend with a crazy ex, the friend whose crazy ex broke into her apartment and . . ._ I almost dropped my Scotch, and I had to fight the nausea. It bubbled up through me, clearing a way for the terror that quickly saturated my very being.

The thought of someone hurting Izzy made my knees go weak. "Can we sit down?" The first words I managed to choke out were drowned out by Izzy's exclamation.

"Your brother?" She looked at Alice uncomprehendingly.

"Yeah. Have you two met?" Alice looked back and forth between the two of us. I was still lost in my head.

"Well, yeah, he's um, you know, we _talked_ about him. You have that nickname . . ." Izzy trailed off and gave Alice a look.

It was Alice's turn to stand there, gaping. "Oh, my God. Is he . . . _This_ is Pricky?"

The absurdness of her statement brought me back to the present for a brief second. "Pricky? What?" I glanced at all three of them and was pleased to see Jasper looked almost as confused as I was.

The light dawned in his eyes then, and I saw him fight a laugh. Anger raced through me; _so all three of them are in on _that_ joke_. "He's your brother?" Izzy repeated, staring at Alice intently.

"And he's Pricky. Oh my." Alice giggled. "Oh my God!" She turned back to me abruptly. "She's your mystery woman. _Izzy_ is your mystery woman."

"_My_ Izzy," I muttered. I took a sip of my drink, hoping it would settle my nerves and help me figure out what the hell was going on here.

"Oh my God. You should marry him, Izzy! Then we could be sisters!" Alice quipped.

I nearly gagged on the Scotch and promptly bent over, coughing my head off. Jasper clapped me on the back as I choked out, "Sit."

Thankfully, Jasper managed to understand the half cough, half gag. "Why don't we have a seat?" he asked before heading for one of the few empty tables along the edge of the room; Alice and Izzy spoke rapidly as they followed. I hastily finished my drink before trailing along behind them. Music had begun playing somewhere, and I had to make my way around dancing couples to reach the table.

"All right," Alice demanded as soon as I took a seat. "I want to know everything! How did you two meet? _When_ did you two meet? How did I not know this?"

"You didn't know?" I waited for her answer with baited breath. The possibility that she _had _known still worried me; to be betrayed by Alice would hurt more than I had ever thought possible.

"No!" she exclaimed, and I was instantly relieved as the mocking voice fell silent for the time being. "Did you?" I shook my head.

"This is so crazy," Izzy said quietly. I looked up at her and for the first time since she had hugged Alice hello, I saw her. She was radiant. Her cheeks were flushed slightly and, despite the bruises, her pale face glowed with a light I'd never seen.

"Edward!" Alice smacked my arm, distracting me, and I glared at her angrily. She had ruined my view. "How did you meet?"

"How did _we _meet? How the hell did you two meet?" I snapped. The alcohol was warming my blood and my temper. I had been anxious enough about this meeting; this was _not_ how I had planned it going.

"We met on the Downeaster." Izzy smiled softly at me, but there was worry in her eyes. I immediately felt bad for the harsh tone.

"When you went to Boston?" I stared at Alice who nodded. "That was like a month ago." Jasper nodded in agreement. "And you have known each other all this time?" My voice had dropped to a whisper.

All three of them confirmed it. I stared down at the table, trying to wrap my brain around everything. _How much did she tell Alice? Did they talk about me?_ Questions raced through my brain, and panic began to set in.

_God, what if Alice told her all about me?_ Perhaps, Izzy already knew the "real" me. _And once she reconciles the image of Alice's brother with me . . ._ My shoulders suddenly felt a hundred pounds heavier as despair settled around me. _You never even had a prayer, Eddie._

"So how did you meet Edward?" Alice had given up on me and was now grilling Izzy. Izzy blushed slightly as all three of us turned to look at her.

"Um, well you know Darlene?" Alice nodded. _She knows Darlene too? What the hell has Alice been doing while I'm at work?_ "Edward is her brother's attorney."

_How did neither of us see this connection? _My brain was still muddled, and suddenly I just wanted to get away; take Izzy and run. I wanted to start the whole evening over. I wanted my dance before Izzy decided she didn't want me. As if on cue, a slow song began. "Dance with me," I ordered, as I caught Izzy's eye. She stared back at me, her cheeks flushed and nodded slowly.

**IPOV**

Edward reached across the table for my hand, and I felt the heat rush through my body. I saw Alice smile widely from the corner of my eye as I placed my hand in Edward's, and then he was all that filled my vision.

He lifted my arm gracefully over Jasper and led me out into the middle of the room. There were a few couples already dancing as his other hand settled onto my hip. One couple twirled around the floor looking more like professional ballroom dancers than mere party-goers. I blushed furiously as my weak ankle wobbled slightly in my ridiculous shoes. Edward caught me easily and pulled me closer, placing my free hand on his shoulder. His arm wrapped around my waist, and our eyes caught.

The lights had dimmed and in the semi-darkness in the middle of the ballroom, I felt Edward relax slightly as he gazed on me. Despite the lovers dancing around us, the moment felt private, intimate. Edward clung to me as though I would disappear at any moment. There was desperation in his voice when he finally spoke.

"Are you all right?" His breath tickled my neck as he whispered in my ear.

I had a feeling he wasn't asking about my ankle. My thoughts immediately went to Jacob, and I was anxious about how much Edward already knew about him. I felt my chest tighten and knew I wasn't ready to talk to Edward about that yet. "I'm sorry. I'm not very good-"

He nodded as if he understood the double meaning of my words. "I told you, Miss Swan," he said softly, "it's all in the leading." And with that he led me around the floor slowly in time with the music. The lyrics floated around us as Edward and I became caught up in each other's gaze.

_I am thinking it's a sign  
That the freckles in our eyes  
Are mirror images and when we kiss  
They're perfectly aligned_

"So you and Alice, huh?" Edward broke the silence between us.

"Does it upset you that we're friends?" I glanced up at him, worried his current gentleness would dissolve.

"It . . . was a shock. I'm sorry I was, uh-"

"It's okay," I interjected quickly as a flash of fear reached his emerald eyes. The fear dissipated but did not withdraw entirely.

We continued dancing slowly as I rested my head against Edward's chest. I could feel his heart beating quickly from - fear? Excitement? I couldn't tell, but he smelled like heaven, and his silk shirt was soft against my cheek. He rested his chin on my head, and we swayed together, for once completely comfortable in each other's presence.

_They will see us waving from such great heights  
Come down now, they'll say  
But everything looks perfect from far away  
Come down now but we'll stay_

I wanted to stay in his arms forever, but the song soon ended. We both seemed crestfallen as we separated unwillingly. Edward opened his mouth to say something, but words failed him. We stood there unmoving in the middle of the dance floor, unsure of what to do.

Another slow song started. "One more dance?" He looked at me pleadingly.

I wanted to tell him they were all his, if he wanted them, but fear overrode my nerve, and I merely nodded. For another few blessed moments, Edward was my everything. I rested my head on his shoulder, inhaling his scent. I felt safe in his arms, unlike. . . I shuddered softly as memories of Jacob filled my head.

A flash of pain and alarm flickered through Edward's eyes, so I gave him a reassuring smile. He pulled me closer, and I heard him gasp softly as Elvis Costello's voice reached our ears.

_She may be the love that cannot hope to last  
May come to me from shadows of the past  
That I remember 'til the day I die_

_She may be the reason I survive  
The why and wherefore I'm alive_

"Izzy!" I groaned silently as Darlene rushed over, interrupting us before the song had even finished. Edward and I both straightened into a slightly more respectable position. "I thought you were going to call me when you arrived." Darlene pulled me into a fierce hug.

"Sorry. I ran into Edward, Alice and Jasper."

"Hello, Attorney Cullen." Darlene gave Edward a once-over with a snarky look on her face, and I poked her in the arm.

"How are you, Darlene?"

"Fine, thank you." Her voice sounded wary, and I glared at her. "I need to steal Izzy though."

"Actually, Darlene, we were just-" I began.

"It'll just take a minute." She gave Edward a sickly sweet smile and dragged me away. I got one last glimpse of Edward looking sad and alone in the middle of the dance floor before I was lost in a sea of people.

**EPOV**

I watched Izzy walk away, and my heart fell. I stood there for several minutes in the middle of the dance floor before I realized I probably looked stupid. I had no idea where Darlene had dragged Izzy off to, so I reluctantly turned and headed back towards where Alice and Jasper were still sitting. As I approached, a thought shocked me into stillness.

I abruptly turned and headed for a hallway off of the ballroom. By the time I found a quiet spot away from the commotion of the party, I was embroiled. I punched the number into my cell phone and was mildly surprised I didn't break the damn thing.

I didn't even give Tim a chance to finish saying hello before I launched into a tirade. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me? How could you fucking let me walk right into this shit, Tim? Jesus fucking Christ, I trusted you!" I was practically screaming, and I moved further down the hallway, anxious to not be overheard.

"Edward? What are you talking about?" Tim's voice remained calm and soothing which only served to anger me more.

"Alice's friend!" was all I managed to spit out before words failed me.

"What about her?"

"She's Izzy! Alice has been friends with my girlfriend, and you never fucking told me. They've been . . . she's going to . . ." The fear was quickly being replaced by panic as thoughts of Izzy and Alice talking about me filled my head.

"Alice's friend? The one with the ex-boyfriend?"

"Yes!" I was close to hyperventilating now.

"Okay, Edward, I want you to sit down."

"I can't, I fucking-"

"Edward, you are very upset. I need you to sit down and take some deep breaths."

"But-" My chest was starting to hurt, and I was getting dizzy.

"Edward!" His stern order surprised me, and I quickly walked through an open door to find a small library. I obediently sat on a wooden bench.

"I'm sitting," I snapped, hostility rippling through my voice.

"All right. I want you to focus on breathing. Deep, slow breaths. I need to say something, and I need you to listen first, okay?"

"Fine."

"Edward, I had no idea Alice was friends with Izzy. Alice and I spoke about the situation and how it affected Alice, the feelings that it brought up in _her_. We never talked specifics about her friend. I am very sorry, Edward, but I need you to know that I would _never_ have sent you into that situation ignorant if I had known."

I grunted a response. The tension in my chest was easing slowly, but I still couldn't stop the procession of various scenarios of Izzy backing away from me in disgust.

"Edward, I need you to believe that. If you don't trust me, then I'm no good to you."

The silence between us grew as I weighed the possibilities in my head. "I believe you," I finally whispered.

"Thank you. Now, how did Alice take this?"

"She told Izzy that we should get married so they can be sisters."

"Oh, Lord." There was annoyance in his voice, and I had a feeling Alice's little joke would be brought up in _their_ next session. "All right, and Izzy?"

"I . . . I'm not sure. I think she was as surprised as I was. We haven't gotten much chance to talk about it yet."

"Where is Izzy now?"

"Darlene took her somewhere." I sounded like a petulant child, but I felt like one as well.

I heard Tim chuckle softly at my tone. "Well, Edward, how are you going to handle this?"

"What do you mean?"

"Alice and Izzy are friends. That can't be undone. What are you going to do?"

"Well. I don't know!" My heart rate began to accelerate again. "You're the fucking shrink!"

"Edward, can I tell you a little secret about shrinks?" I grunted again. "A good portion of our job is just listening. The goal is to have the patient work it out for himself. If you want advice, I'll certainly give it, Edward, but in the end, this decision is yours, not mine. You need to make it."

"But, I don't even know . . ." I trailed off. "Help."

"Well, you have a number of options. You can go out there and cut ties with all of them. Then you won't have to deal with any of it. You're clearly upset about this so you could choose to direct that anger at Alice or Izzy. You could alienate one of them; cut her out of your life and hope the other doesn't mind."

"Obviously, that would be irrational and stupid."

"Why?" I rolled my eyes at Tim's question but knew he was making me say it out loud to reiterate the point.

"Because it's not really anyone's fault."

"No one is to blame?"

"No. Well, maybe Fate," I added.

"Ah yes, Fate is a finicky mistress. Your other option, Edward, is to accept it and move on. You were worried about Alice and Izzy meeting. That's already happened, and obviously they get along well."

"Yeah, but-" I interjected.

"But?"

"What if they've talked about me?" My voice was barely audible, and every nerve in my body prickled with fear.

"And what if they have? What are you worried Alice has unknowingly told Izzy?"

"Everything! What if she told Izzy about the other women, about the night I trashed my apartment, about what an asshole I am."

"Edward, you're not an asshole. You're a man who's made mistakes. Izzy already knows about the waitress. I daresay she may have some idea about your past or at least part of it."

"Yeah, but-"

"And she hasn't run yet, has she?"

"No," I admitted.

"Everyone comes with a past, Edward. Izzy's an adult; she knows that. She has her own past she's trying to deal with. You haven't brought up _her_ past as an issue. How are you handling that situation?"

Anger and fear pulsed through my veins as I thought about the bastard who had left that bruise on Izzy's cheek. "I'm scared that he's going to really hurt her, and I'm fucking pissed."

"Those are both completely normal reactions. How are you going to approach this with Izzy?"

"I don't know. She's so private. She wouldn't even let Alice tell me her name when she asked about restraining orders. She didn't give Alice any details about this guy. If she had, I could have gotten everything together faster. I would have known exactly what type of protection she needed. I could have gone to the courts myself, gotten the whole process through faster. The cops would have known to watch her place. Maybe he would have-"

"Edward, you cannot blame yourself for Izzy's current situation."

"I should have pushed harder. I should have made Alice tell me!"

"And what? If you had gone knocking down her door, demanding answers, how would she have reacted?"

I paused. "She would have run."

"And that wouldn't solve either problem."

"No, no it wouldn't."

"So, how are you going to approach this with Izzy?"

"Uh, slowly? I . . . I need to be gentle and, and . . ."

"You need to handle this delicately, Edward. Be very aware of Izzy and how she is handling it. Edward, do you remember when Alice told you about Felix?"

"Of course."

"You _listened_ to what she said, and you supported her. That's all you need to do with Izzy."

"I want to do more."

"I know, Edward, and as much as finding this guy and beating him up would make _you _feel better, ultimately, it will not help Izzy. And you are more than aware of any subsequent legal ramifications."

The fantasies of beating the fucker senseless did not even slow down after Tim's advice, but I acknowledged his advice, nonetheless. "Yes, sir."

"Good. Now, Edward, go find your girl." I fell silent, unwilling to hang up the phone. "I'll be here if you need me. I'm just a phone call away, all right?"

"Yeah, all right." I could hear the snide comments in the back of my mind as fear once again rippled through me. It was a subtler fear though.

"Have a good night, Edward."

I took a deep breath and steadied myself. "You too. I'll talk to you later." I hung up the phone and took another minute to collect myself.

Finally I rose, and exited the library. My anxiety grew as I made my way back to the party, but I felt different, like I was more in control of this fear. _I can handle this_, I reminded myself repeatedly. It wasn't quite loud enough to drown out all the pessimistic thoughts, but it did help counteract them.

I stepped back into the ballroom and was immediately overcome by the noise and commotion. I had preferred the quiet of the library_. It would be a good place to, uh, get to know Izzy better._ I shook my head at my own perviness.

I spotted Alice and Jasper out on the dance floor and made my way to the bar. I opted for a beer this time and leaned against the wall, sipping my Sea Dog blueberry ale and watching my sister twirl around the dance floor.

I couldn't see Izzy anywhere, and the lack of her presence made the party seem dull. I missed the warmth of her body against mine. I missed the weight of her head on my chest. I missed the blush of her cheek whenever I complimented her. I was so lost in my own lamentations; I didn't see Alice and Jasper approaching until they were right next to me.

"Where's Izzy?" Alice looked at me quizzically.

"Darlene took her somewhere." Alice had to fight back a grin at my sulky tone, but I was only feeling sorrier for myself.

"Did you at least get a dance?" Alice linked her arm with mine and rested her chin on my shoulder.

"Two." Even in my current mood, I couldn't stop the smile that threatened to erupt across my face.

Alice smiled up at me softly, and I didn't recognize the look on her face. _Hope? She really is okay with me and Izzy?_ She gave me a peck on the cheek. "So what have you been doing since then? Standing here, moping?"

"No," I replied indignantly. "I . . . made a phone call."

"Who'd you call?" Alice poked me in the ribs, a teasing grin on her face.

"Tim." I let my eyes wander across the room in search of Izzy in an attempt to avoid eye contact with Alice.

Alice turned back to Jasper. "Hon, can you give us a minute?"

"Sure, I'll get us some more drinks. Edward, you want anything?"

"No, I'm good, thanks." I avoided his gaze too as he walked past me on his way to the bar.

"Hey." Alice pulled me further away from the groups of people gathered around us. "Are you okay?" When I didn't answer, she continued. "Edward, you know that I didn't know about Izzy, right?"

"Yeah, I know."

"Are you mad?" She was whispering, and I could barely hear her above the music. I shook my head. "Edward, talk to me!" The distress in her voice broke through my resolve.

"I believe you and I'm not mad, not at you," I finally muttered.

"Are you mad at her?" I shook my head. "Edward, please." Alice's blue eyes pleaded with me.

"No. I just, I wasn't expecting that."

"And you called Tim?"

"I thought he might have known. I mean, you told him about your friend, and I told him about Izzy. I thought he'd known all along and not told me."

"Tim wouldn't do that, Edward." Alice squeezed my hand.

"I know. I wasn't thinking clearly." I scanned the room for Izzy automatically when a slow song began. _Where is she?_

"You talk to Tim about Izzy?" Alice's curious tone struck a nerve; I dropped her hand and stepped back, my face hardening into indifference.

"Wait, Edward." Alice realized her mistake a second too late but grabbed my arm. "I'm sorry." She sounded sincere, so I paused. "I'm sorry. What you and Tim talk about is none of my business."

I nodded mutely and began searching the sea of faces for the only one I wanted to see at the moment.

"Dance with me."

"What?" I looked back at her in surprise.

"Dance with me. Please? You'll be able to see better out there than you can here. Maybe you'll find Izzy faster." _She has a point._ Alice's hand curled in mine again before she beseeched me with a smile. "Please?"

My reluctance melted. "Of course I will, Alice . . . if Jasper doesn't mind."

Alice waved him off. "He'll live. Come on."

I chuckled as she pulled me onto the dance floor. Alice wrapped her arms around my waist, and I rested my chin on top of her head as we swayed to the music. It was nice, not exhilarating like when I had danced with Izzy, but still comforting.

"You really like her, don't you?" Once again, Alice's words were filled with hopefulness.

"Yeah, yeah I do," I finally whispered. I braced myself, expecting a barrage of questions, but none came.

"Good. I'm happy for you, Edward. Izzy's amazing." Alice beamed at me.

"I know. I'm pretty lucky," I muttered sheepishly.

"So is _she_." I fell silent at her proclamation and focused on the music. The woman singing had a beautiful, smoky voice; I listened to her sing of storms and the raging sea as I danced with my baby sister. I realized as we moved in silence that when Alice finally returned to New York, I would be devastated.

I'd grown used to her presence; more than that, I _needed_ it. I couldn't imagine coming home to an empty house anymore. The solitude and detachment that I had sought before now seemed a daunting future. As the woman singing declared all she would do to show her devotion, I hugged Alice tightly.

"You okay?" she whispered. Concern was etched across her face.

"Yeah. I love you, little bat. You're a much better sister than I deserve."

"You're more deserving than you think, Edward." I scoffed quietly but did not argue.

"I think I found something you were looking for, Edward." Alice and I turned to see Jasper dancing towards us, my Izzy in his arms.

My face broke into a grin as I saw that smile that always seemed to tug at my heart. "Why, thank you, Jasper. Care to trade?" I held out Alice's hand, and Jasper took it as Izzy floated into my arms. I pulled her flush against me immediately, unwilling to allow another second of time to come between us.

"And where have you been?" Her luscious brown waves tickled my lips as I brushed them against her throat.

I heard her breathing accelerate. "Sorry. Darlene wanted to introduce me to some of her college friends." She rested her cheek against my chest once more, and I wondered if she could feel my heart racing.

The smell of her hair filled me, and the warmth of her body surrounded me; my lips were no longer satisfied with just her neck. I sought and took her mouth greedily. My hand slipped under her silky hair, supporting her neck as she eagerly melted against me.

I kissed her with insatiable abandon. Had it only been a week since I'd last known these lips? It felt like a lifetime ago. My tongue sought hers ravenously, and she matched my hunger. Someone cleared their throat somewhere, and a voice reminded me I was standing in the middle of a dance floor surrounded by numerous people, including my baby sister.

I ended the kiss reluctantly and stared down at Izzy, panting. But my lips were not yet satisfied. I kissed her again, softly, tentatively. She pulled me closer, reluctant to be apart. Our kisses became gentle but were still filled with a desperate longing. Her nails skimmed the back of my neck as our tongues entwined. The feeling of her touch made the hair there, and something else, stand to attention.

Izzy's cheeks turned bright red as she felt my erection pressed against her; she froze in my arms. I stepped back quickly, afraid she would run. "Sorry, I . . ." She flushed deeper and mumbled an apology for overreacting. "It's okay." I cupped her face gently before giving her a tender, chaste kiss.

She smiled, relief filling her eyes, and, for a brief moment, I wondered if she was as scared of me leaving her as I was of her leaving me. The thought dissolved as I got lost in her beautiful brown eyes. The other swaying couples, the noise and commotion of the party, the worries and fears that had haunted me all night; all of it disappeared as Izzy was suddenly my entire world.

We stood there, completely entranced by each other, as the party continued around us. Finally, unable to keep my lips from hers a second longer, I pulled her face towards mine.

I remembered, a second too late, the bruises she had so carefully hidden with makeup. She gasped and pain flickered across her face. "I'm sorry!" I cried while my hands dropped to my side. "Are you all right?"

"Yes, I just . . ." Izzy trailed off, and I watched her subconsciously trace one finger delicately along the darkest bruise on her jaw line.

"He did that," I whispered. Izzy just nodded and blinked back tears. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault." She gave me a sad smile.

"I know, but-" I fought to find the right words as a fast paced song began. People twirled around us, making it all the more difficult to straighten out my head. "Izzy," she looked up at me, fear piercing her gaze, "can we go somewhere and talk?" She nodded silently, and I took her hand and led her across the ballroom.

**Cheers. Feel free to review. **

Music:

E&I's 1st dance- "Such Great Heights" written by Ben Gibbard & Jimmy Tamborello, performed by Iron & Wine

E&I's 2nd dance- "She" written by Charles Aznavour and Herbert Kretzmer, performed by Elvis Costello

E&A's dance- "Make You Feel My Love" written by Bob Dylan, performed by Adele


	24. Chapter 23

**Thank you to my beta and pre-reader. I love you, ladies so bloody much.**

**And a happy birthday to my darling Pricky and Izzy. Today they are one year old! I can't believe it! **

Music for this chapter: _**Turn Around**_ by Justin Rutledge and Carina Round ©2010 Words by Justin Rutledge, Music by Justin Rutledge and Dan Burns

**Chapter 23**

_"He did that," I whispered. Izzy just nodded and blinked back tears. "I'm sorry."_

_ "It's not your fault." She gave me a sad smile._

_ "I know, but-" I fought to find the right words as a fast paced song began. People twirled around us, making it all the more difficult to straighten out my head. "Izzy," she looked up at me, fear piercing her gaze, "can we go somewhere and talk?" She nodded silently, and I took her hand and led her across the ballroom. _

**IPOV**

As I followed Edward across the ballroom, I fought the battle against tears. By the time we ducked into a hallway, I had lost, and they were streaming down my cheeks. Edward led me down the hallway, away from the crowds and the noise and into a small library.

He paused at a wooden bench and then spotted a window seat in the far corner. Gesturing to it, he turned to me. "Do you want-" He paused, taken aback, when he spotted the flood of tears that I could no longer control. I nodded mutely and felt him squeeze my hand gently as we reached the window seat.

"Izzy, I . . ." he began awkwardly.

I looked into those piercing green eyes and wanted nothing more than to be back in his arms out on the dance floor. I wanted to dance with Edward until all memories of Jacob had been swept from my mind. I wanted to get lost in those green eyes until I forgot everything: the bruises, the cruel words, the sight of my beautiful painting marred beyond recognition. I wanted to forget Jacob altogether. Even the good times, the days he had been sweet and loving, hurt too much. They were just nasty reminders of all the doubts that always plagued me. Those good times were the reason I had to constantly remind myself that Jacob was bad, that we could never end up together.

Unable to control myself as a fresh wave of pain swept over me, I flung myself in Edward's arms, sobbing. He froze but recovered quickly. I felt his hand smooth my hair as he held me. After several minutes, I managed to regain control. Missing his arms before I had even left them, I sat up, sniffling.

"Sorry," I muttered, wiping the tears from my cheeks. Edward's strong hands cupped my face, and he quickly finished the job. I stared deep into his eyes as his thumbs erased all trace of my tears.

"It's okay. Sometimes, you have to cry." Confusion marred his beautiful features briefly before he dismissed whatever thought had occurred to him.

"Izzy," Edward began, settling down on the window seat and pulling me down beside him, "we need to talk."

"I know."

"This guy-"

"Jacob," I whispered, trembling.

"Yeah. What—I . . ." Edward trailed off. He swallowed and took a deep breath before continuing. "Look, I understand if you don't want to talk about it, but—"

"No, I need to, Edward. I owe you that much."

"You don't _owe_ me anything, Izzy."

"I want to then." Edward nodded stroked my hand in a comforting gesture. I took a deep breath and steadied myself. "I met Jacob in college. He was sweet and kind. I mean, I _thought_ he . . . I." I looked at Edward, hoping he would understand. The look he gave me was so full of understanding and sympathy, my doubt vanished.

"He played that role well and throughout most of our relationship. The first time he—" I bit my lip hard as bad memories flooded my mind.

"Stop." Edward's voice was filled with pain. He reached out, and I felt his thumb tug my bottom lip from between my teeth. I looked up at him in surprise. "It's okay, Izzy. You're safe now. He can't hurt you again. Now, that I know more, I can have the restraining order filed on Monday. He won't touch you again." Edward's stormy green eyes were filled with worry and pain.

I shook my head. "That's what I thought when I left him. That it was over. I let myself forget a lot. It's amazing." I gave a bitter laugh. "I managed to suppress most of the bad times. Whenever I thought about him, about _us_, I could remember the times we would just walk through Carl Anderson Park. It was nice, you know, just seeing the _green_ after being in the city for so long. He used to pick cherry blossoms for me. They smelled gorgeous. The scent makes me nauseous now." I looked away, embarrassed.

I felt Edward's fingers interlace with mine, giving me strength. "He would take me to the MAC, and I would just watch him play racquetball or pool. He loved to go out—clubbing, you know? We did that a lot. He would get drunk though and then . . ." I dropped off and let Edward fill in the dots. "It's hard to understand, I guess. It doesn't matter how deep I bury the memories; his voice is always in the back of my head. Some wounds don't heal," I whispered.

Edward gave a hollow laugh. "I understand better than you think." I glanced up at him, shocked to see angry tears swimming in his eyes.

**EPOV**

"Edward?" I gave her a weak smile. _She told you her story, asshole. Now you have to reciprocate._

Fear prickled my entire body, and Tim's words echoed in my head. _Nothing can stay buried forever. _I was terrified: of rejection, of losing Izzy, of bringing up everything that I had kept buried for so long.

I closed my eyes trying to block out the images that came bubbling up. "Edward?" Izzy's soft fingers brushed my arm, bringing me back. "What is it?"

"I just, I know what it's like to be, um, abused, I guess. I—" _Jesus, Eddie, you sound like a moron._ But I felt like we had stepped outside of the world. Part of me feared the outcome of this conversation, but somewhere inside, an eight year old boy was more scared that I'd never have this chance again. _Now or never, Edward . . ._

"It's okay. If _you_ don't want to talk about it—" Izzy repeated my words, and I laughed out loud.

"I've never told anyone." My voice had dropped to a whisper. "It was . . . it's nothing. It was stupid, just kids being kids. I don't know." I shook my head, refusing to meet Izzy's gaze.

"Edward, if it affected you this strongly, it can't be nothing. Half of the things Jacob said; they were nothing, just subtle, snide remarks. Even something that sounds harmless, over time, it can cause damage, you know?"

"Yeah, yeah, I do." Now it was my turn to be fighting tears and biting my lip, but Izzy's hand was warm and comforting. Once I started, the words flowed from my lips. My eight year old self urged me on, and I felt the weight on my shoulders lessen slightly as I expelled the dark memories of my childhood. I told Izzy about my mother and how she had died when I was eight. "My father, he just shut down. There was no reaching him. He just threw us at a shrink and called it good."

"You're still angry with him?" It was a statement more than a question.

"Yeah, I am. He died almost six weeks ago, and there was so much left unsaid." My chest tightened as a whirlwind of emotions raced through me. "He never understood what it was like at school. I've always hated him for that." My voice broke as a lump rose in my throat.

"What did they do to you, Edward?" Izzy gripped my hand tightly as I told her of the ridiculing, the beatings; everything I had endured at the hands of my classmates. "When I was younger, my father and Tim—he was the shrink," I added, seeing the questions on Izzy's face, "_is_, actually, but that's another story." My eyes quickly focused on the shelves of books as I realized, embarrassed, that I had just admitted to Izzy I was seeing a shrink. _Smooth, you stupid shit. You're definitely going to lose this girl. _

"What did your father and Tim say?" Izzy's voice was gentle.

"Um, they said I should just stay away from them. Like that would help," I scoffed, "and then as I got older, they decided I was encouraging them. Asking for it, I guess." I heard Izzy swear under her breath. "By the time I was in middle school, they had decided_ I _was starting the fights_. _The teachers, the other students, even Alice had written me off as an angry, violent fuck-up." The words tasted bitter in my mouth. "I got kicked out of school by the time I was 13. Carlisle was furious. He put me in this military-style prep school."

Izzy cursed again quietly and shook her head. "Honestly, it was the best thing he could have done, though he probably didn't realize it." Izzy looked at me doubtfully. "No really. It gave me a new beginning. I could start over, start fresh, you know?"

"Things were better in high school?"

"Yeah, they were. I was top of my class, captain of the lacrosse team, prom king." I fell silent when I realized it sounded like I was bragging. "Anyway, that was a long time ago. It doesn't matter now."

"And what lucky lady was your queen?" Izzy asked softly.

"Just some girl," I muttered. _This is it. You've gone this far . . ._ My heart rate sped up, and my mouth was suddenly dry. "Um, Izzy? We should . . . I should, I _need_ to tell you about that night in the Old Port."

I saw her nod silently out of the corner of my eye. I needed to do this, and now was the time, but I couldn't bring myself to look at her while I did it. Focusing on a spot on the wall, I swallowed hard and began. "I'm not, I'm not who you think I am, Izzy. I'm not the kind of guy who opens doors and pulls out chairs. I'm not a gentleman, Izzy. I—"

"Then why have you been just that, Edward?" Izzy interrupted.

"I don't know. I . . . I like you. I've never . . ." Words failed me. _Jesus, Eddie, you're a douche bag._

"Edward, I'm not stupid. I know you have a past. I know there've been women—"

"The waitress meant nothing, Izzy. None of them. No one before," I faltered but finished quietly, "you. It was like a game, a stupid, needless game. I . . ." I gave a short laugh. "I don't even remember her fucking name," I whispered as disgust riddled me. _You don't deserve her._ I felt bile rise in my throat. _Like I need to be reminded of that,_ I thought bitterly. I was well aware of what I did and did not deserve.

"Why did you do it?" I nearly jumped at Izzy's questions. I had nearly forgotten she was there; I was so lost in my head. A brief glance left me surprised to see the disgust I felt for my own actions was not reflected in those dark brown eyes.

"Um, I was drunk. . ." I realized too late that excuse wouldn't fly, not with her past.

"And? Alcohol doesn't change who you are, Edward. It only lowers your walls."

"And," I took a deep breath and exhaled noisily, "and I was upset about fucking things up with you at the beach. I was pissed that I couldn't even hold a conversation with you. I was annoyed because Alice and Jasper were intruding on my life, turning everything upside down, and my dad—" My voice broke, and I turned away from Izzy as bitter tears burned my eyes again.

"Hey," Izzy said softly. She wrapped her arms around mine and pulled me back to her. I saw something beneath the lace of her dress that surprised me greatly, but as she leaned into me, comforting, wanting, other thoughts invaded my mind. My lips found hers without hesitation. I closed my eyes and kissed her passionately. Everything: James, my father, the nameless waitress, every fault, disappeared, and my world was filled with Izzy. Her soft skin, her gentle lips, and the faint scent of strawberries; all of it wrapped around me, surrounding me, filling me.

We kissed until we were both breathless and panting and then stayed in each other's arms for even longer. When we finally separated, I could taste the salt of tears, and I was no longer sure which of us had cried them. "You're so beautiful." The words were out of my mouth without thought, and Izzy quickly turned a furious shade of red. Her gaze dropped to her feet, but I immediately pulled her chin up, bringing her eyes to mine. "Don't," I ordered. "You _are_ beautiful."

"Edward, I—"

"No, I don't care what that bastard told you. Everything he said; it was wrong, Izzy. That fucker didn't know what he had. That worthless piece of shit, that fucking _dog—_" Izzy laughed out loud. "What?"

"You're cute when you're angry, Attorney Cullen."

"I am not." She smirked at me, and I had to fight the urge to grin back at her. I quickly switched to my "attorney" voice. "And don't change the subject, Izzy." Silence grew between us, and I wondered if I'd been too harsh.

"I don't feel beautiful," she admitted quietly. Her fingers instantly traced the bruising along her jaw line. "I just feel empty." Tears clung to her eyelashes, threatening to consume her again.

A sharp pain tugged at my chest as fear and pain washed over Izzy's face. "What did he do to you?" My voice was so low, the words were barely audible.

"He destroyed—" Izzy stopped short, doubt clouding her eyes.

"What?" I urged.

"Nothing, It's nothing."

"That sounds familiar. I believe a wise woman once told me 'if it affected you this strongly, it can't be nothing'." Izzy rolled her eyes but nodded in submission. She stared at the floor and seemed to be contemplating. Possibilities raced through my mind, each one scarier than the last. By the time she finally spoke, my heart was racing and horrific images were flashing before my eyes.

Izzy took a deep breath, seemingly to settle her nerves. "He, he destroyed this painting. It was . . . I mean. It was just a painting." She was wringing her fingers together nervously.

I reached out, grasping her hands in mine. "Izzy, why did you stop painting?" She looked up in surprise. "At the restaurant you said you painted when you were young, and you just started again. Why did you stop?"

Izzy flinched. _Guess you got that spot on, Edward. Tim must be rubbing off on you._ "He made you?" She nodded, and the tears began again. "And then you started painting again, and he destroyed that too."

"It was my escape when I was younger. I think Jacob thought I was trying to escape from him, and he was probably right."

"Izzy, don't let him have it." The determination in my voice surprised both of us. "Don't let him take that from you. If you want to paint, paint, and Jacob can go fuck a … duck!"

Izzy gave a short laugh and looked at me incredulously. I snorted, and before I knew it, we had both started laughing. It was a relief; our talk had drained me, both of us, and the brief respite was welcomed.

As our laughter slowly died, I entwined my fingers with hers. I was both astonished and overwhelmed when she squeezed my hand in response. _She hasn't run yet._ My subconscious reminded me she still could, but I paid it little heed. "I'll start painting if you'll play me a song on the piano." Izzy looked at me expectantly as shock stole my voice.

"Um, well that's . . ." She cocked an eyebrow at me, daring me to argue. "All right," I said quietly. "It's a deal." I hadn't played in years, but I would find something, _anything,_ I remembered if it made her smile again.

"It's almost midnight." Izzy smiled softly. "Should we rejoin the party?"

"We'd better before I turn into a pumpkin." Izzy rolled her eyes and stood. I followed suit, offering her a handkerchief before I offered my arm. "Shall we, Miss Swan?" Izzy's cheeks flushed rose before she linked her arm in mine, and I led her back out of the library and down the hall.

We hesitated before entering the ballroom, neither of us wanting to step out of the private little world we had created. Our hands interlaced as we stood there, as though we were facing some great battle rather than a Christmas party. _Us against the world,_ I thought quietly. The sight of Alice waving frantically from a nearby table, however, forced our hand, and I nodded at my sister and reluctantly left the hallway. As I led Izzy over to where Alice and Jasper, now joined by Darlene, were sitting, I studied the three faces that watched our approach. Alice was grinning like a fool, while Jasper was his usual calm, cool, collected self.

Darlene, on the other hand, eyed me warily. She cocked an eyebrow when she spotted Izzy's hand still encased in mine. I tried to ignore her look, but it alone was enough to set off all the doubts that had plagued me.

"Hi!" Alice gave me a cheeky wink and a knowing smile as we sat down.

"And where have you two been?" Darlene immediately asked Izzy.

"Talking." Izzy shot Darlene a warning look, and I had to grin as I watched my little kitten bare her claws.

"I'm going to get a drink. Izzy, do you want anything?"

"Sure. I'll have what you're having." A small smile crossed her face as I gave her hand a gentle squeeze before releasing it.

"Anyone else? Darlene?" I held my breath, waiting for some smart remark from Izzy's overprotective friend. Darlene only shook her head, and I was relieved to see the tension slowly fade from Darlene's face. Part of me was almost grateful that I was not the only one concerned with Izzy's safety.

"I'll go with you," Jasper said, rising. The two of us headed back to the bar. When we were out of earshot, Jasper quietly asked how Izzy's and my talk had gone.

"Uh, all right, I guess." I shrugged, not having much experience with that sort of thing. "She, um, cried." I looked at him, desperate for reassurance that that was normal.

Jasper nodded. "Izzy's been through a lot, Edward, and she's a very private person. I don't think she has very many people she's willing to confide in besides Alice and Darlene. How did you handle her tears?" He gave me a questioning look, and I knew he remembered our conversation in my father's attic as well as I did.

"I just did what you said. I held her and let her cry." I shrugged again, attempting nonchalance.

"And did it work?"

"Well, she stopped crying."

"That's a yes, then." Jasper chuckled. "So what are you having, Edward?" he asked as we reached the bar.

"Another SeaDog Blueberry Pale Ale. Actually make it two, please." The bartender nodded and turned to Jasper.

He looked at me skeptically. "Blueberry Pale Ale?"

"Hey, I was right about the Halloween Ale, wasn't I?"

Jasper agreed, still unconvinced but ordered two of the beers for him and Alice. As we waited for the bartender to fetch our drinks, I turned away from the bar. Leaning back against the counter, my eyes sought and found Izzy amongst the crowd of party-goers.

She and Darlene were involved in a heated discussion while Alice looked on, frowning. _Darlene knows what kind of guy you are, Eddie. She'll tell Izzy what an asshole you really are. You can't play the role of gentleman forever. You're bound to fuck up sometime._ Fear and pain stabbed my heart as I realized I had no words to refute the cruel whispers in the back of my mind. _You knew she would run, Edward . . ._

"—ward? Edward!" Jasper's voice brought me back to reality, and I forced a smile as I turned to him. "Are you okay?"

My composure cracked, and I faltered. "She's going to leave me," I whispered. I sought her again; my eyes were drawn to her like a moth to the flame. She was both my everything and, soon no doubt, she would be my undoing. _When she leaves— _I cut myself off mid-thought, unable to think about losing Izzy.

Jasper followed my gaze. "Why do you say that?"

"Darlene . . . she doesn't like me, and I don't deserve Izzy," I admitted.

"I don't believe that. If you love her," I blanched, "okay, maybe it's a bit soon for the L-word, but you really like this girl, yes?"

"Yeah, yeah I do," I replied, my eyes never leaving her beautiful face, now creased with anxiety at whatever Darlene was saying.

"Well then, fight for her, Edward. You want her? Go get her." I nodded, still doubtful. "Go!" Jasper urged again.

Taking a deep breath, I strode back to the table. "Izzy?" All three of the girls looked up at my interruption. "Dance with me."

Izzy looked flustered at my sudden reappearance and flushed slightly. "Um, okay," she said breathlessly.

"Izzy—"

"Later, Darlene." Izzy dismissed Darlene's protest with a wave of her hand and rose, her eyes locked with mine.

Once again, I led her out onto the dance floor. As we swayed to the music, lost in our own world again, I allowed myself to believe we had a chance. _At the very least, we have tonight, right?_ As the music flowed over us, Izzy nestled her head against my chest and closed her eyes.

She took a deep breath and a smile graced her face. "What?"

"Nothing," she whispered, but her arms tightened around me. I held her close and focused on the song. The two singers' voices wove together in beautiful harmony as Izzy and I floated around the dance floor.

_Everyone's raining  
Everyone's pouring  
Everyone's hailing  
Everyone's storming_

Somewhere inside, I heard Tim's voice tell me I was not alone. "_Edward, everyone has their own past."_ I clung to Izzy as I thought of all she had endured. _She deserves love, doesn't she?_ I knew part of me wanted to rationalize, insist that the broken boy inside deserved love as well, and perhaps was even worthy of Izzy's love, but I wasn't ready for that. James' voice immediately began its list of all my wrongdoings, every grievous error I had made.

_Everyone's staying  
Everyone's going  
Everyone's praying  
Everyone's glowing_

Tim's voice broke through the inventory of my sins. _"Why can't you forgive yourself and allow yourself to be happy?"_ An answer escaped me, so I held Izzy closer and buried my face in her sweet-smelling hair, anxious to hide the bitter tears.

_Turn around  
Turn around, my love_

"Are you okay?" Izzy looked up at me in concern.

As I nodded mutely, Darlene's eyes met mine from across the room. "Uh, yeah, I'm okay." I broke my gaze and looked down at the beautiful woman in my arms, but Izzy had already turned to see what I was looking at.

She huffed quietly before turning back. "Ignore her. She's just being overprotective. Please don't take it personally, Edward."

"It's okay, really."

"No, it's not. It's just that—" She broke off and suddenly became very interested in the stitching of my jacket.

"Izzy?"

"She found me," Izzy said softly, still intent on studying my lapel. "After the whole thing with Jacob, I mean. Darlene is just scared for me. I guess she doesn't trust my taste in men." She gave a hollow laugh. "No reason for her to, I suppose. My track record speaks for itself."

"I disagree and take offense," I said, a hint of humor in my voice. "You're friends with Emmett and Jasper, both of whom are incredibly kind and trustworthy men, and, frankly, I think that stud you're currently dating is one . . . hot muffin." I mentally smacked myself in the forehead. _Douchedouchedouche!_

"One hot muffin? Where the hell do you come up with this?" Izzy looked up at me, shaking her head and trying to stop her grin from spreading further. I opened my mouth to reply, but Izzy's expression suddenly grew serious. "Dating?" I saw a hint of a smile play on her lips.

"Well, we went on a date, and then we went on another date, so that makes it an ongoing thing, right? So yeah, dating." It was _my_ turn to refuse to meet _her_ gaze, as I nervously played with a lock of her hair.

"Dating." Izzy blushed deeply, and the joy in her eyes as she nodded in agreement made my own chest ache with bliss.

"Anyway," she tried to shake off the flush of pleasure and continue her story, "after the cops took my statement, Darlene took me to Mercy to get checked out." I saw the light go from her eyes, and in that moment, I wanted to kill this Jacob—to rip him limb from limb—for every piece of her that he had broken. "I was afraid I would run into Rosalie or Emmett if I went to Maine Med. I just couldn't, I—"

"They would have done nothing but support you, Izzy, as I would have, _will,_" I corrected myself.

"I know that now. I just, I was a mess, Edward." She glanced up at me finally, her eyes pleading with me to understand. "I know."

Pulling her back into my arms, I held her tightly. Izzy nestled her head against my chest, and we both fell silent as we once again forgot the world.

The world would not stay gone for long though, and we both groaned simultaneously when the DJ announced the final song. We clung to each other throughout the ballad, both afraid of what would come after the last note dissolved into silence.

When the final note had played, Izzy and I stayed wrapped in each other's arms for a few more moments, before the movement of the other couples on the floor finally spurred us to action. As we broke apart, I stole one quick kiss.

Jasper and Alice, who had been on the dance floor themselves for the last song, were now standing on the edge, watching us. Darlene had disappeared, presumably to join her father in wishing the guests farewell. Izzy and I headed over to Alice and Jasper, and on the way, our hands entwined. It felt natural, right.

"Hey, you," I said as we reached Alice.

"Hey, yourself." Alice smiled softly at me, and her eyes kept flickering to my hand as it held tight to Izzy's."So, Jasper and I are going to catch a cab to the Eastland and check out this fabulous suite you were so kind to procure for us."

"We have the car, Alice. You don't need to—" "No, it's okay!" Jasper looked hesitant, but Alice was insistent. She gave me a quick peck on the cheek before wrapping her arms around Izzy.

Jasper shrugged and shook my hand. "Sorry, man. Alice is . . . well, Alice." He gave me a sympathetic look. "No pressure though, Edward," he added under his breath. "Look, just go with—" Jasper was interrupted with a goodbye hug from Izzy, and he did not get a chance to finish giving me his piece of advice before Alice was rushing him off.

Izzy and I watched them leave before turning to each other. "So . . ." Izzy's cheeks were tinged with rose, only increasing the turmoil of emotions that raced through me.

"Your place or mine?" The tasteless half-joke was out of my mouth before I could stop it. Izzy's face went from pink to crimson in a matter of seconds. "Sorry, I'm—fuck, Izzy, that was a bad, bad joke. I . . ."

"It's okay, Edward. It was a joke, that's all." Izzy's color slowly returned to normal as I violently and silently vilified myself. "I guess I should call a cab. Darlene looks like she'll be awhile."

"That's crazy, Izzy. I rented a car, which is now just for me alone, I guess. I can give you a ride."

That scrumptious lip was immediately captured by those perfect teeth as she pondered my suggestion for a short minute before nodding. "Okay, I'd, I'd like that. Let me just say goodbye to Darlene."

"I should probably thank Philip for his invitation as well." I offered her my arm and led her across the ball room.

Philip and I spent several minutes exchanging pleasantries while Izzy and Darlene traded hurried whispers. I tried my best to ignore their tête-à-tête, and as such all I caught was the final question. "Are you sure, Izzy?"

Her soft, "Yes," thrilled me to the core and, _finally_, I took her hand and led her away from the party and out of the Anderson mansion.

As we climbed into the car, I just told the driver, "Portland," unsure what Izzy's yes had meant. After closing the privacy barrier, I turned to Izzy. "Did you enjoy the party?" _Shut the fuck up, and kiss her, Edward._

"Yes, it was lovely." Her brown eyes sparkled every time they caught mine, and I wondered at the myriad of emotions that floated in them. She smiled softly to herself, and my heart nearly stopped when she leaned against me. Resting her head on my shoulder, her hand ended up just above my knee. I wrapped my arm around her shoulder and pulled her closer.

"Izzy." Her name tasted like the sweetest ambrosia on my lips. She glanced up at me and one look into those chocolate brown eyes was enough to make my whole body react. I sought her lips hungrily, and she responded with a similar appetite.

Forcing myself to slow down, I gently parted her lips with my tongue. I felt her move into my lap and wrap her arms around me as her tongue met mine. One hand slipped up her side, guided by her own hand that rested atop mine; it stopped on her left breast. Shocked, stunned and deliriously happy that she wanted me to touch her there, I groaned into her mouth. I could feel her nipple, peaked underneath the soft blue material, and pinched it gently. She gasped in my mouth before repositioning herself so that she straddled me. I readjusted myself underneath as my pants grew tighter and tighter.

My left hand continued to massage her breast while the other moved around to the back of her neck. My lips left hers and I made my way, slowly, tantalizingly, down her throat to the sensitive skin just below her ear. I heard her moan softly, and she pressed her hips against mine. I groaned as the friction made me ache for release, and then I kissed her again and again, hoping to illicit the same reaction. I did, and we continued our little cycle of all too tempting torment until the car slowed, signaling we had reached Portland.

I broke away breathless. _Ask her to come with you. Ask her!_ "Are you staying at Darlene's?" My cock and brain fought a raging battle as Izzy considered my questions.

"Well, yes, but . . . she won't be home for ages." Izzy met my eyes briefly, her lip once again wedged firmly between those teeth.

"Oh." My nerves failed me momentarily. My next question came out sounding as though it had been delivered by a kid with a stutter and not enough Ritalin. "Um, d-doyouwannac-comeyaknowover?" _Smooth._ I could almost picture the voice in my head shaking his head and walking away in disgust.

"Yeah." I was so lost in my thoughts that I nearly missed Izzy's answer.

"What?"

"Yeah, yeah, I do." "Are you sure?" _Jesus, Edward, what? Are you going to try and talk her out of it?_

Izzy smiled. "Yes, I'm sure." She took a deep breath and nodded. "I'm sure," she whispered again before leaning down and kissing me.

After telling the driver over the intercom to head for my townhouse, I spent the rest of the ride memorizing Izzy's lips, her throat, her neck, her chest; every inch of skin the dark blue dress allotted to me. The ride to my townhouse was far too short. I was both eager to continue my diligent study of Izzy's body, and, as we grew closer, anxious about the remainder of the night.

I tried desperately to ignore the qualms that plagued me, but they grew as we mounted the steps up to the living room of my townhouse. "Um, welcome. Sorry, I don't have a T.V. I kind of broke it a few weeks ago."

Izzy laughed as I took her coat. "That's all right." I watched her peruse the living room before slowly making her way in to the kitchen. Her eyes wandered down the hallway.

"This is a closet," I said, opening it to hang up her coat, "and that is a bathroom. The back entrance is across from the bathroom." I paused as she nodded, unsatisfied. "What?"

"I was wondering where you kept your piano, if you still have one. You have a deal you have to make good on."

"Uh, I haven't played in years, Izzy. I'm not sure—"

"You don't have to play tonight. I just want to make sure you have the means to play. I don't want to hear any excuses later."

I laughed. "Well Ms. Swan, the piano is upstairs in my room. Do . . . do you want to see it?" I waited for her to run, to say she was wrong, she wasn't ready or she forgot that she had something else to do tonight, but Izzy just nodded shyly.

My fear reached an all-time high as we crested the stairs in my bedroom. _What the fuck is wrong with you, Eddie? Get a hold of yourself!_ I gestured mutely to my piano before muttering an excuse and ducking into the bathroom. My heart felt like it was going to explode out of my chest.

"What the fuck is your problem?" I whispered to myself. "You've fucked women before." _But that's the problem, Edward. You can't _fuck_ this girl._ I knew next to nothing about "making love", and I was terrified to ruin things with Izzy.

"Just go slow and be gentle," I decided. "She's fragile, hurt. Be soft with her." Doubts riddled me as I wondered if I could pull this off. Opening doors was one thing. _This . . ._

Jasper's words came back to me again_. "Just hold them and let them cry." I managed that, didn't I? _An image of a small copper-haired boy holding the hand of a brown eyed beauty made me smile softly. _Bella, I was gentle with her. Maybe I can do this._ I took a deep breath and let it out noisily. "Okay, Edward. Let's do this." I splashed some cold water on my face before heading back out to face Izzy.

She was sitting at my piano, her slender fingers running up and down the ivory keys. "Hey."

She looked up and smiled. "Hey, yourself. I was just making sure it worked." She smirked. "You know, just in case you try and back out of this."

She rose and walked over to where I stood, near the bed, before wrapping her arms around my waist.

"No, I promised. I was fairly good when I was younger anyway, and I have the stupid thing. It would be a waste not to play it occasionally at least." I briefly wondered if she could feel the violent pounding of my heart before speculating if her heart was doing the same as she stared at my bed. "My mother always said I had the hands for it," I continued as memories flooded me. Izzy murmured an acknowledgement as she settled her cheek against my chest. _"These look more like seaweed-throwing hands." _I chuckled to myself. "Although, someone once told me they would be better for throwing seaweed, Bella."

Izzy froze in my arms, and it took me a minute to figure out why. _Christ, Edward. You just called her by another's woman's name. _"Sorry, I—"

Suddenly, she pushed me hard away from her. "Izzy, wait! I—" "No!" she burst out, her face still turned away from me. Then her eyes flew to mine; they were overflowing with terror. _She's afraid of you, Eddie. She knows now. You'll never be—_

"Wait, Izzy, please!" She turned away from me in disgust, her eyes focusing back on the bed instead. "No," she whispered, pleading. "No, not again, please. Get away, Edward."

"Izzy?" I reached for her, but she flung my arms away. "I, I . . ." She trailed off as revulsion marred her beautiful features. "Don't touch me. Don't you ever fucking touch me." With that she turned and fled down the stairs.

Nausea ripped through me as I watched her go. My heart began to race in earnest; it felt like it was being ripped in two. A sudden stabbing pain in my legs brought to my attention that I had fallen to my knees, but I did not have the energy to regain my feet. One strangled cry of, "Izzy!" was all I managed before the sobs took me.

**I'm sorry. I should mention that I do strongly believe in an HEA. **

**Next chapter should post within the next 2 weeks.**


	25. Chapter 24

**Much love to my betas, V and Bee. I love you girls more than I could possibly say. **

**Happy birthday to a certain Queen! Cheers for the WCing, love. **

**Next update will be posted from the Emerald Isle as I am off to visit Bee and find myself an IrishWard. Happy St Paddy's Day! **

**By the way, I'll have a lengthy teaser for chapter 25 several days before it posts. It will be available to anyone who donates money to the recovery efforts in New Zealand. Please PM me for details or ask about it in a review. Anyone who cannot donate, please pray for the victims, their families and everyone who is trying to rebuild. Thank you.  
**

_Nausea ripped through me as I watched her go. My heart began to race in earnest; it felt like it was being ripped in two. A sudden stabbing pain in my legs brought to my attention that I had fallen to my knees, but I did not have the energy to regain my feet. One strangled cry of, "Izzy!" was all I managed before the sobs took me._

**Chapter 24**

"Please!" I cried. I watched Izzy stumble as she reached the bottom of the stairs. Something fell to the floor, and I shouted her name again, like a scream that came from the depths of my being. Primal and gut-wrenching: "Izzy!" She didn't even look back before disappearing from my view. _She doesn't want anything to do with you._

As I knelt, gasping on the floor, I tried and failed to push back the pain that overwhelmed me. Part of me wanted to go after Izzy, catch her and explain everything; but I was crippled with fear and pain. Finally, I gave up and succumbed to it. I did not resurface. Collapsing onto my side, the emotion locked within was unleashed, and I wept until my eyes ran dry.

My tears finally exhausted, I regained enough control to bury the pain as deep as I could. It was quickly replaced with fury. _What did you do, Eddie? What the FUCK DID YOU DO? _

I stood and quickly reached for whatever was closest to me. Sweeping everything off my dresser in one quick motion, I reveled in the sound of it all smashing against my wall. _You stupid fuck! How could you? You've ruined it; everything! She was your only chance, Edward. There's nothing left for you now. _I cried aloud as a stabbing pain ripped through my chest.

"No!" Panting, I looked around for something else to smash. I tossed my dresser to the floor and heard the wood splinter. _Stupid, fucking idiot. _Images of my destroyed living room flickered through my mind, and I knew I had to get out of the house. _You deserve every ounce of pain. _Stumbling to the stairwell, I made my way down, knocking the pictures to the floor as I went.

Unable to resist, I shattered dishes in the kitchen. "I need to get out of here." Desperate, I raked my hands through my hair. "Out, get out, Edward." Maybe, if I could just leave the house—just get away—I could forget Izzy, forget everything. _"Get away, Edward."_ Erase it all and start over. My brain felt like it was in overdrive; I couldn't get my head straight, couldn't concentrate on anything. _You disgust her._ My breathing was erratic, and I stumbled again as a wave of dizziness passed over me.

"Keys," I ordered myself before making my way to a small table where, every evening, I dropped my keys into a small basket. I eagerly sought them now for my escape. _You didn't deserve her anyway, Eddie._ My car keys weren't there. Even the basket was gone. I searched frantically and finally spotted it overturned on the floor nearby. Painful images of Izzy stumbling in her heels flashed through my mind as I realized she must have knocked it over on her frantic departure . . . _away from you,_ my subconscious reminded me.

I fell to my knees again and dug for the keys to the Lamborghini. "No, no! Where? I have to—" I was panting heavily; oxygen didn't seem to be reaching my brain. _You spoil everything, Eddie. _No matter how hard I stared at the pile of crap that lay before me, my keys did not appear. _Look what you did to Esme . . ._ I inhaled sharply and cried aloud as the old, familiar pain mixed with my new heartache.

Spotting the keys to my motorcycle, I gave up on the car and grabbed them. Somewhere inside of me, a voice reminded me that it was December, that I lived in Maine, that it was too fucking cold to be out on a motorcycle, but I needed to get away and immediately.

I didn't even bother to grab a coat. A sudden thought occurred to me, and I nearly fell as I rushed down the stairs and out onto the porch. "Izzy?" I called breathlessly, but the porch was empty. _She doesn't love you, Edward. She never did. Your mother left you, your father left you and now . . . _Desperate_, _I ran down to the sidewalk and out into the street, but Izzy was gone.

The pain threatened to engulf me again, and I swallowed painfully. "Get out, Edward." I fought to control my breathing as I strode towards the garage. I ripped the cover off my motorcycle and straddled it.

As the engine roared to life beneath me, I wondered briefly if I should have grabbed my helmet. I shook the thought off and sped out of the garage and down the street.

As I raced through the night, my brain kept repeating Izzy's words over and over again. _"Don't touch me. Don't you ever fucking touch me."_ In my mind's eye, I could still see the disgust that had marred her beautiful brown eyes.

The icy wind turned my tears into icicles as I drove, and I suddenly realized I had no idea where I was going. _You have to start over, Edward. Go back to the beginning._ Pain threatened to erupt in my chest again as I realized where I had to go. Swallowing the agony once again, I turned and headed onto the turnpike.

The onyx night raced by me as I sped south. The brief sliver of the moon was hidden behind clouds, and even the stars had dissolved into the darkness. As my grief consumed me, so the night consumed all light.

A half hour later, I pulled off the interstate and made my way through a silent town. I stopped on the edge of the street and parked the bike. My whole body had gone numb, and I was surprised I was able to pry my fingers from the handle bars. _"Get away, Edward."_ I staggered slightly as I dismounted, nearly sending the bike to the ground.

Habit alone led me to lower the kickstand rather than just drop the fucking thing. The street was dark and empty though I could hear voices far off in the distance. I made my way past muted buildings until at last, my feet fell upon sand. I could hear the surf pounding, but the waning moon did not allot me enough light to see the waves clearly.

I struggled down the beach towards the ink-black water. An arctic wind whipped around me, and I pulled the too-thin tuxedo jacket tight around me. My teeth were chattering, but I ignored them. _You destroy everything around you, Eddie. _Anxious as I was to get to the water, I stumbled and fell to my knees. The rough sand scraped my hands, burning like fire on my frozen skin. As I struggled to my feet, my body began to shake violently.

I only made it a few more steps before I tripped and fell again. Crawling the rest of the way to the surf, I soaked the knees of my trousers. Somewhere in the distance, music floated down on me as I sat staring at the raven water. I briefly wondered where it was coming from but let the thought slip away.

A verse came to me then, some long forgotten lesson from Sunday school. _Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin._ A sob escaped my lips, and for several minutes, I was unsure whether it was tears or cold that made my body tremble.

The voice that always tabulated my sins whispered that even God himself had given up on me. My shaking increased violently as that realization came over me, and I pulled my knees up against me. Fighting the cold, I curled up into a ball. I watched the waves break again and again, their icy fingers creeping ever closer to my feet. _Wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow._

I reached for the water unsure if I believed I could ever be washed clean. "You're a fucking waste, Eddie." My voice sounded hoarse. I could feel my heart pounding in my ears, mimicking the harsh rhythm of the ocean as my fingers dipped into the frigid water.

My skin was instantly numb, and I relished in the lack of feeling, wishing it would shroud the pain that echoed through me. Desperate for anything to distract me from my grief, I pulled myself along the beach to get closer to the water.

I inhaled sharply as the frigid tendrils of saltwater reached my feet which were now half buried in the sand. Flashes of much smaller feet buried in the warm summer sand flickered through my mind. "Bella." Her name fell from my lips, followed immediately by another sob.

"Bellabellabellabellabella." It became a chant as I moved further into the water. I silently dared myself to protest the pain that felt like needles piercing my skin as the water washed over me. Uncontrollable tremors racked my body, and the words that tumbled from my mouth melted into unintelligible drivel as the cold became too much.

I staggered to my feet only to fall amongst the waves. My muscles felt like taffy left in the cold too long and stretched too thin. Thoroughly soaked, I heard my frozen pants crackle as I crawled slowly up the beach. The music had grown louder, and it floated towards me from a lit area a ways down the beach. A flash of yellow caught my eye, and I cried aloud.

_Bella!_ Forcing myself to stand once again, I ran towards it, falling every few feet. My tux, coated with sand, had become stiff with ice as the wind whipped around me. As I grew closer, the phantom music became clear enough to hear the lyrics.

…_down to the water I will come  
to raise for her this castle with my hands…_

The words stung as old memories flooded me again. "I'm sorry, Bella. I'm sorry I didn't build a castle with you. I should have . . . I should—I, Bella—" I broke off as the lights grew larger. The flash of yellow caught my vision again. "Bella!" My voice sounded strangled, but it carried across the sand.

I heard the music falter slightly as my knees hit the sand. My eyes rose, looking for the source of the music, looking for my Bella; they found only an old busker, staring down at me from the pier. The yellow I had seen was a beer ad hanging over the railing near the bar at the far end of the pier.

"No! Bella!" I screamed before I collapsed in the sand, and everything went black.

* * *

**Alice POV**

I giggled as I felt Jasper nuzzle my neck. "Stop." I pushed him away playfully. "Jasper, you are incorrigible. Again?"

"I'm just mad with lust, my love." I felt Jasper's hands begin to roam my body again. "Besides, three is my lucky number." I moaned, and his mouth found mine.

The shrill ring of my cell phone made us both pause. "Ignore it," Jasper murmured as he moved ever lower on my body.

"Mmm, but what if it's important?" I inhaled sharply as his tongue found my nipple.

"Probably a telemarketer. Who else would call at this ungodly hour?"

A painful memory flashed through my mind. "Oh! What if something's wrong?" I sat up suddenly and reached for the phone. In my haste, I sent it tumbling to the floor. I cursed and struggled with the sheets. As I shoved Jasper back to his side of the bed, I heard the tell-tale beep which meant it had gone to voicemail. "Fuck!" I burst into tears when my feet finally hit the floor, too late to take the call.

"Alice! Hey, sweetie, it's all right." Jasper's soothing voice helped calm my sobs as quickly as they began. I nestled into his arms, and he slowly began to rock me. "Hey, what was that, baby?"

"Sorry," I sniffled, "I just—last time I got a phone call in the wee hours of the morning, it was about Dad. Sorry." I sat up and wiped the foolish tears away. "I'm being overemotional."

Jasper smiled as I reached down and picked up my cell phone. "I think you have a good excuse for it, hon."

"I know, I just don't want to be one of _those_ pre—" I stopped as my phone beeped, indicating I had a new voicemail. Dialing my voicemail, I felt my heart rate increase as I waited impatiently.

"Hi, this message is for Alice Cullen. I'm not sure if you remember me. My name is Rosalie, Rosalie Hale. I was the admitting nurse for your brother, Edward, at Maine Medical Center a few weeks ago. Um, if you could give me a call back as soon as you get this, Miss Cullen, it's regarding a rather urgent matter. Please, Alice, call as soon as you can. Thank you." I felt my body go cold as Rosalie rattled off her number.

The phone slipped from my grasp as I inhaled sharply. "Alice? Alice, what is it?" Jasper grabbed my cell before it ended up on the floor again. I fought to keep my breathing under control as he frantically dialed my voicemail and listened to the message.

"It might be nothing." I heard Jasper's words but could not comprehend them. "Alice, you need to calm down. Baby, it's not good for you or—"

"I need to call her right now."

"Let me—"

"No, I'll do it." Jasper reluctantly handed me my cell phone. He wrapped his arms around me and held me tight as I dialed.

Thirty minutes later, I climbed out of a cab outside the emergency entrance to Maine Medical Center with Jasper right behind me. I had managed to hold back the tears since speaking with Rosalie, but I felt a single tear fall silently as we entered the hospital. Jasper's hand was immediately against my lower back, supporting me.

I took a deep breath before approaching the nurse's station. "My name is Alice Cullen," I swallowed hard, "My brother, Edward . . ."

"Alice!" I turned to see Rosalie walking towards me, a chart in her hand. My lip began to tremble again as she greeted me with a quick hug.

"Edward?" I whispered.

"He's still unconscious, but physically, he should be okay."

"Physically?" Jasper wrapped his arm around my waist.

"We should talk, but first you probably want to see Edward." I nodded. My hand found Jasper's as we followed Rosalie down the brightly lit hall. _He'll be okay, he'll be okay._ I tried to remain calm as we entered Edward's room, but seeing him lying there, prone and connected to IVs and monitors made me lose it.

Jasper was immediately at my side as sobs shook my body. A soft hand squeezed my own, and I looked up to see a sympathetic Rosalie looking at me, worry in her eyes. "What happened?" I managed to blurt out in between sobs.

"We're not really sure. He was found down on Old Orchard Beach, wearing a sopping wet, frozen tux and completely delirious. There was a huge accident on 295 near Biddeford, so EMMC is overcrowded, and the EMTs brought him here. He regained consciousness briefly about twenty minutes ago, but we didn't get anything intelligible out of him. Dr. McCarty put him back under in the hope that sleep will help him recover faster."

"What's wrong with him?" Jasper's question reminded me of his presence, and I quickly pressed myself against him, my eyes never leaving my brother.

"Moderate hypothermia. We've been actively warming him and have managed to raise his body temperature to much safer levels. He's responding well. That's good." Rosalie nodded encouragingly at me.

I nodded vaguely before pushing past her. I pulled a chair up beside Edward's bed and wrapped my hands around his, carefully avoiding the IV that jutted out of the top of his left hand. "His hands are so cold," I whispered to no one in particular. I immediately began massaging his fingers, anxious to warm them up.

Rosalie hurried to the corner, pulling blankets out of a metal box that sat there. "What is that?" I asked as she began to replace the blankets that covered Edward.

"It's a blanket warmer. The heated blankets help to raise his body temperature. There's plenty though, so if you get cold, feel free to take one." She tucked Edward in and gave me a small smile. "I'll just leave you two here. If anyone gives you trouble about visiting hours or anything, I'm just down the hall." Rosalie disappeared into the hallway, closing the door behind her.

The second she was out of the room, I burst into tears, burying my face in Edward's blanket-covered arm. Jasper rubbed my back gently as I sobbed.

* * *

**EPOV**

I blinked in the bright sunlight, basking in its warmth. As my eyes began to adjust to the light my ears picked up the sound of the ocean nearby. I sighed in pleasure as I became aware of the soft sand trickling between my toes, and then all of my senses returned to me. I could taste the salt on the wind and smell the acrid scent of seaweed.

I felt my whole body relax as the familiarity of the place settled in. Something in me was eager to go exploring; somehow I knew that there were tide pools just over the rocks I could see from where I was sitting. I was unwilling to disturb the calm that warmed me though, and I remained where I was.

"Edward." A soft voice reached my ears, and I looked up to see a small girl in a yellow bathing suit standing nearby.

"Hi. Are you lost? Where are your parents?" As I looked around for the girl's family, something brushed the back of my mind. I tried and failed to remember what was so important about a little girl in a yellow bathing suit.

"No, Edward, I'm not lost."

"How do you know my name?" My eyes were drawn to hers; they were a rich chocolate brown and the bright sun set off flecks of gold in their depths.

"I know a lot about you, Edward. More than even you know, perhaps." She sounded more grownup than she looked, and I briefly wondered how old she was. "Eight, well _almost_ eight," she smiled, answering my silent question.

"How did you—"

She shrugged. "Do you want to go to the tide pools?"

"Yeah, but . . ." I trailed off.

"But?"

"I . . . I like it here. I'm fine, thanks."

"I think you'd like it there, Edward."

"But it's nice here. It's," I sought the right word, "comfortable."

"The tide is coming in. It won't stay comfortable."

I frowned when I realized she was right. The waves were creeping ever closer, and for some unknown reason, they brought with them an impending sense of doom. I felt my heart rate increase at the sight of the water moving slowly towards me. My mouth went dry as a strange terror filled me.

"You should come with me, Edward."

"But—" My voice cracked, and words failed me.

"Don't you trust me?" Her voice was quieter, and curiosity pulled my eyes from the cascading waves. She was further down the beach, though I hadn't seen her move. A beeping arose somewhere, distracting me. I fought to ignore it and focus my attention on the girl.

"Wait!" I wanted to move, to go after her, but I was paralyzed with fear.

"Why don't you trust me, Edward?" I could barely hear her now; she was nearly invisible in the brightness of the sun's glare, and the beeping had grown louder.

"Please! Wait! Don't go! Just . . . tell me your name! I can help you find your parents." I cried.

"I'm not the one who's lost, Edward."

"Please, your name," I whispered as she disappeared, engulfed in the bright sun and that goddamn incessant beeping.

"Bella."

I blinked as the sun grew brighter, blinding me. I shut my eyes tight, willing the beach, so empty now without her, out of my mind, but the beeping continued. My terror returned, and the beeping sped up.

"Edward?"

"Be—?" I tried to call her name, but my throat was parched. I immediately began to cough; it quickly turned to gagging. Something was wrapped around my face and sticking up my nose. Panic set in, and I struggled to sit up. I wanted whatever it was out, _now! _I tried to reach for it but was greeted with a sharp pain in my left hand. I cried aloud.

"Edward, calm down. You need to relax." The voice sounded familiar, but I couldn't place it. It wasn't Bella; that was all that mattered.

Fighting the urge to move my left hand again, I gingerly tried my right. Before I could investigate what was invading my nostrils, I felt gentle hands free me from it. Finally able to relax, I blinked repeatedly trying to focus on the woman who hovered over me. It took me a moment to recognize the soft blond waves. "Rosalie?" I croaked. My hand immediately flew to my throat, and I started hacking again.

"Sorry, hon. That'll get better. Here. Drink some water; it will help your throat, I promise." I reached blindly for the cup she handed me before gulping the water down.

I made a face. "It's warm."

"Yeah, well I'd like to keep your body temperature up, so suck it up, babe." She gave me a teasing smile as I handed her back the cup.

"My body temperature? What?" My head was spinning, and I collapsed back onto the pillow. For the first time, I realized I was in the hospital. Spotting the monitors next to me, I quickly grasped the source of the beeping.

"Edward, do you know why you were brought in?" All traces of amusement had fled Rosalie's face.

"No." I quickly searched my mind, trying to find my last conscious memories, but only snatches of a yellow bathing suit and a beach came to me. "Where am I? What happened?" I tried to sit up again but immediately ascertained that it was not a good idea. I groaned, my hand flying to my head, and Rosalie quickly and gently pushed me back down.

"No, stay down, hon." Her strong hands held me down until she was sure I wouldn't try it again. "Edward, they found you down on Old Orchard Beach. Apparently, you decided to go for a swim. You were brought in with a fairly moderate case of hypothermia."

"Hypothermia?" Brief memories of jet black waves and my motorcycle hit me then, and my breath caught in my throat. The beeping took off again.

"Edward? Deep breaths, sweetie. You're okay." I felt Rosalie's hands on my face and then that thing was inserted back into my nose. I coughed and tried to push her away. "Nope, this stays on, period."

I tried again to pry her off, but exhausted and drained, I finally collapsed and gave in. "It's just oxygen, Edward. It's good for you." I grumbled a reply. She just laughed softly. "Hey, Alice is downstairs. She's been here all day. Do you want me to go get her?"

"Alice?" Guilt swept through me.

"Yeah, she came in early this morning and has barely left your side. Jasper finally convinced her to go get something to eat. I can go fetch her if you'd like."

I nodded numbly and fought the guilty tears that welled in my eyes. I turned away from Rosalie as the realization of what I'd caused came upon me. _Another early morning call from a hospital for the baby sister. Well done, asshole. _

Rosalie looked at me worriedly before sweeping a damp lock of hair from my eyes and turning to go. "I'll be right back with Alice." She gave my hand a quick squeeze before turning and heading for the door.

I managed to hold back the bitter tears until I heard the door close behind Rosalie. I wallowed in self-pity for about four minutes before the familiar clatter of kitten heels sprinting down the hallway outside my room had me hurriedly wiping my eyes with my IV-free hand.

"Edward!" Alice burst into my room. Shame ripped through me when I caught sight of her red eyes and tear-stained cheeks. "Edward, oh my God, I was so worried." She was immediately at my side and threw her arms around me. I gasped as she squeezed me tightly. "Oh! I'm sorry." She burst into tears.

"Alice, no, don't . . . I, I'm fine." My throat gave out, and all I could do was wrap one arm around Alice as she cried. "I'm sorry, Alice, I'm sorry," I managed to choke out when her sobs began to slow.

"Edward," Alice sniffled and perched herself on the edge of bed, "what happened? What were you doing? Where's Iz—"

"I don't know. I, uh, I don't remember," I interrupted, cutting her off.

She looked back at me, stunned into silence. "You don't know?" she asked incredulously. "Edward, you were found on the beach half-dead and—"

"Amnesia is common after a traumatic event." Alice and I looked up to see Emmett enter the room, followed by Rosalie and Jasper. "Just give him some time, Alice. He needs to recover."

Emmett's interruption derailed Alice's interrogation, and for that, I gave him a grateful smile. Somewhere inside of me, I decided to run with Emmett's amnesia theory. Bits of the events prior to my midnight swim were falling into place, and the last thing I wanted was to remember them.

Alice's lip began to tremble as she turned to Emmett. "Is he going to be okay?" Her voice sounded hollow. Her knuckles turned white as she gripped my blankets tightly with her tiny hands, awaiting Emmett's answer.

"I'm sure Edward will make a full recovery," Emmett replied gently.

"Can I go home?" At the sound of my hoarse voice, Rosalie disappeared into the small bathroom and returned with more water.

"Drink," she ordered while Emmett took a seat in a chair by the bed.

"Edward, I want to keep you here a few days."

"But—"

"No 'buts'; Edward, you were in bad shape when they brought you in. Your core temperature was down to 92.3°F. Your heart rate was scarily low, and frankly, it's a wonder you didn't go into cardiac arrest."

Emmett's words hit hard, and I swallowed painfully. Alice began to cry softly, and my eyes dropped to the blankets that covered me. I saw Jasper wrap his arms around my little sister from the corner of my eye.

Emmett continued quietly. "I know you'd prefer to be at home, but we need to keep an eye on you. You're not out of the woods yet, and I'm not letting you out of my sight until you are." I nodded silently, my eyes still locked on my blankets. "If you'd like, we can bring in a cot, so Alice," Emmett paused and I looked up in time to see him glance at the door, "or someone else can stay with you."

"I'll stay," Alice piped up from Jasper's arms. Her voice shook but her face, though blotchy and streaked with tears, was set with a fierce determination.

"No, Alice—"

"Yes." She glared at me, daring me to argue.

"Alice," I sighed, defeated my baby sister's gaze, "at least go home and take a shower. Get a change of clothes, please?"

Alice thought about it for a moment and then nodded. She moved back to my bedside. "Fine, but I'll be back, Edward. You just focus on getting better, okay?" I mumbled an agreement. "Promise?" Alice pressed.

"I promise, little bat." She squeezed my hand gently before kissing my cheek.

"I'll be back," she whispered again before turning and following Jasper out of the room. As I watched her go, a new wave of despair washed over me. I forced myself to swallow the pain until nothing but numbness filled me.

"I'm going to see about getting you some food, Edward. You rest for now." I nodded vaguely at Emmett as he left the room. As quietness surrounded me, my mind sank deeper into its apathetic daze.

"So, Edward . . ." I jumped at Rosalie's words. I had almost forgotten her presence. She dragged a chair over to the bed and turned it around, straddling it.

She sat there, watching me, until the silence grew uncomfortable. I broke it, unwillingly. "So what?"

She opened her mouth and then closed it again. "So, um, how's the throat?"

"Fine."

"Edward . . ." She trailed off as her courage failed her again. In that instant, I needed to be alone. I needed her gone. I just wanted her to take her unasked questions and leave. I wanted to just close my eyes and open them again to find myself on that sunlit beach. Void of Bella or not, it was better than here, but I couldn't return. Not with Rosalie standing guard at my bedside, anxious to delve into my mind.

"Listen, I'm really tired," I lied, hoping she would make like a good little nurse and leave.

"Edward, what happened?"

I fought to keep the anger off my face. "Like I said, I don't remember."

"You don't remember anything?"

"No." My tone had grown harsh, and I had to bite my tongue to keep from lashing out.

"Oh." It took a second to register when Rosalie rose and retrieved some more blankets. I crowed silently; I was surprised and quite pleased that she had given up so easily. _That was easier than you thought it would be, Eddie. Maybe you could even convince Alice that you—_

"How are things with Isabella?"

My heart rate spiked as ice flowed through my veins, and for a brief moment, I thought I was back on that black shore being pulled under by glacial waves. My mind buzzed as I pondered Rosalie's question, dissecting it in my mind in an attempt to comprehend it.

"What?" I finally croaked.

"Izzy? How is she?"

"What did you call her?"

"Isabella, that's her full name. I gather she only ever goes by Izzy?" I nodded dumbly, not really processing what she was saying. "Shame. Isabella is such a pretty name. Anyhow, how is she, Edward?"

"Isa . . ." _Bella . . . _My breath caught in my throat. _Bella! _My brain finally registered the thought and immediately demanded a response. _Find her. Explain! _I sat up and ripped the stupid oxygen tube from my face. "Edward, wait. Edward!" I saw Rosalie drop the blankets and rush towards me, but I no longer cared. _BELLA! _As I reached for the IV in my hand, I heard her curse loudly before yelling for someone.

A wave of dizziness washed over me as I pulled the needle from the back of my hand. At first, I welcomed the pain it brought, but the world quickly began to swim before my eyes. The beeping, the goddamn incessant beeping took off again. It sped up until finally, I found the cause and ripped the electrodes from my chest.

"Edward, stop! You need to calm down." I struggled with the blankets, but instantly several strong hands held me down. Someone forced me onto my side. I felt a sharp prick in my arm, and suddenly, the world began to melt.

**The two Bible verses Edward recalls are both from Psalm 51, verse 2 and 7b, respectively.**

**The song he hears is called **_**The Coral Castle**_**. It's written by Andrew Peterson from his album, **_**Carried Along.**_** Lyrics are here: http:/www[dot]lyricstime[dot] and it's available on iTunes.  
**

**Thank you.**


	26. Chapter 25

**Chapter 25**

**Twilight is owned by Ms Meyer. Pricky is owned by me.**

**Much love to my beta team: Bee (the lovely Irishtwificster), V (the fabulous ladyeire3) and Shari (the uberawesome MG2112).**

_Perfer et obdura; dolor hic tibi proderit olim. Be patient and tough; someday this pain will be useful to you.__** - **_**Seneca**

* * *

**IPOV  
**

I stumbled blindly down the street, slipping and skidding on the ice. I could feel my heart thudding in my chest; the sound echoed in my ears. The cold wind whipped around me, stinging my cheeks. I touched my face and felt the dampness of tears I hadn't realized I was crying.

Another icy gust had me shivering. _I need to get home._ I had managed to grab my purse but, in my haste, had left my coat in Edward's closet. _Edward . . ._ Just thinking his name sent an array of emotions racing through me. One sob managed to escape before I swiftly and deftly shut off my emotions.

_Don't think, Izzy. Just get home._ I fumbled with my purse before managing to retrieve my cell phone. I punched in the number of a local cab company with fingers that were quickly going numb. I realized, too late, that I had no idea where I was. Hanging up, I hurried down the street (_away from him)_. On the nearest cross street, I found a small convenience store which provided me a place to wait for the cab as well as a location to give to the driver.

Ducking inside, I dialed again and ordered a cab with chattering teeth. That task completed, I headed for the coffee machine at the back of the store. _Coffee, no cream, two—no, three sugars. Pour, stir._ I ran through each step slowly, meaningfully, in a sad attempt to distract my mind from _him._ _Shut up, Izzy. Shut up!_

Turning sharply, I strode up to the counter to pay. The cashier gave me an odd look but was either kind enough or smart enough not to ask about my red eyes and tear-stained cheeks. _$0.83, twenty-five, fifty . . ._ I counted out the change in my head before counting it out loud for the cashier as well.

The old man was patient though I was sure he thought I was crazy. "Have a good night, miss," he said after tossing my money in the register. _Shall we, Miss Swan?_ I nodded mutely at the cashier as even his words brought about memories of Edward. Tears stung my eyes as I tucked my purse under one arm. Wrapping both hands around the coffee, I headed for the door, eager to be away. My cab had not arrived yet, so I tucked myself into a corner of the alcove, shielding myself from the bitter wind.

I spent the next several minutes fighting unbidden tears and trying desperately not to shiver from the cold. I lost both battles when the sound of a motorcycle nearby reached my ears. I choked back a sob as thoughts of the two men I knew who drive motorcycles overwhelmed me.

An image of Edward straddling his black bike in the beach parking lot filled me with both an empty longing and a new fear that prickled at the back of my mind. Edward morphed into Jacob sitting astride the Harley that had been his pride and joy in college.

New fears made me tremble as my mind switched into overdrive. My overactive imagination had me wondering if Jacob was waiting just around the corner, ready to pounce the second I left the alcove. _It's been years. Jacob doesn't still have that bike._ I tried unsuccessfully to convince myself and ended up pressing my back up against the corner, anxious to get as far from the roar of the bike as I could.

When the sounds of the motorcycle finally faded, my breathing began to return to normal; though my heart continued to beat frantically in my chest. The cab finally showed, and I hurried to the safety of its interior as a child runs to its parent's bed after a nightmare.

I blurted out my address between chattering teeth. As we pulled away from the curb, I briefly wondered if I should have given the driver Darlene's address instead. _I just want to go home,_ I cried silently. Darlene would ask too many questions. I would be forced to dredge up all the events of the evening. _ I can't, I just can't. . . ._

With nowhere else to turn, I remained silent all the way home. My apartment was dark when I entered, and the bitter taste of fear filled my mouth. I stood there for several minutes, listening to the darkness; every noise made me tremble. The sound of footsteps in the distant hallway made my breath catch in my throat. My eyes darted to the hallway and back to my apartment, unsure of where the greater danger lay.

Finally, unable to handle it any longer, I slammed the door and threw the deadbolt. I ran for my bed, reaching it just as the dam broke. Collapsing on top of my duvet, I sobbed until, mercifully, sleep took me.

I woke, stiff and exhausted on Sunday morning. My dress was wrinkled, and the hem was flecked with mud and salt. I got up long enough to change into pajamas and take a few aspirin. Crawling back into bed, I prayed for the fleeting relief that sleep brought . . .

I stood on a beach somewhere. I could hear the surf pounding against the rocks, and the sound made me smile briefly. I was quickly distracted by a burning pain however. The pain wasn't terrible, but it hurt enough to bring tears to my eyes.

Looking down, I saw my hands were scraped and bleeding. They were coated in sand which I tried to wipe off on the bright yellow bathing suit I was wearing.

"You should wash them off," a voice ordered from behind me. I turned to see a boy watching me; his green eyes sparkled in the sun. "Or else they'll get infected with like, bugs or something."

"Bugs?" The thought made my stomach turn, and I looked at him, horrified.

"Well, maybe not bugs. I don't really know." His eyes fell to his feet bashfully, and his confession made my heart skip a beat. "But you should wash them off. Here." His head snapped back up, and the confidence returned to his face.

I watched him jog past me and retrieve a bucket and a piece of paper that were a few feet away. He rushed down to the water and filled the bucket before carrying it back up to me and setting it at my feet. His eager eyes met mine as he knelt by the bucket. I knelt beside him and began rinsing the sand from my hands.

Concern flecked those green eyes when we saw how deep some of the cuts were. "Maybe we shouldn't catch snails. If you want to go back—"

His worry made me flush with pleasure, and I sought some way to make him smile again. "You're just afraid I'll beat you." I giggled and tossed my hair. "And you don't want to get beat by a _girl!_"

"Am not!" His retort and the accompanying face he made had me laughing out loud. I quickly took off past him, racing for the rocks. I scrambled up them easily, ignoring the pain in my hands. The smell of the saltwater and the cool breeze invigorated me, and I welcomed the spray of the sea as waves crashed around me.

"Hey, you!" _You?_ I rolled my eyes but kept climbing. "Hey, girl, wait up!" reached my ears just as I clambered over the highest point.

"_Girl_? Honestly!" I huffed, sounding more like my mother than I thought possible. I turned and waited, hands on my hips.

The green eyed boy nearly ran me over in his haste to catch up, and I had to fight to keep from grinning about beating him. He glanced at me nervously as he stood there, panting, that bucket in one hand. "Um, why'd you stop?"

"What'd you call me?" I tried to sound like Jessica as I said it; my mother always said she had an attitude, but Jessica knew how to boss boys around, and I didn't.

"Uh . . . girl?"

"Well, that's not my name." I huffed again and rolled my eyes.

"Well, I don't _know_ your name, and you _are_ a girl." I resisted the urge to stick my tongue out at him.

"I'm Bella, _boy_," I shot back smugly.

"Well, Bella, I'm Edward."

* * *

**EPOV  
**

My eyelids felt like leaden weights. Heavy as they were, I floated in a mist that shrouded my memory. I couldn't remember why I felt this way or where I was, but neither did I care. I continued to float through time even as voices appeared in my mist. Blinded by lids I could not open, I contented myself with listening.

"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner." The voice sounded familiar. It brought about feelings of both comfort and fear. It was a diluted fear; somewhere inside, I knew it was irrational, but I could not fully abate it.

"It's okay. I understand." The sound of the second voice filled me with warmth and a longing I could not quite figure out. I was anxious to hear it again and was rewarded. "I don't know . . . I don't know what happened; he says he doesn't remember." The voice broke off then. I could hear pain in it, and I ached to ease the sorrow. I could not find my way through the fog though, so I floated there, the comfort I had previously felt slowly dissipating.

"Do you think he'll be upset that I'm here?" the first voice asked. The second voice never answered. I struggled through my grey world but found no exodus. "He and I need to talk, Alice. Especially after Saturday night." _Alice? _I couldn't remember why, but I needed to reach her.

"I know." Alice's voice dropped to a whisper. "Do you think he was trying to—"

"I don't know." The first voice echoed with some emotion—regret, perhaps. "We'll know more when he wakes." _Wakes? Am I asleep?_ As I struggled to figure out what was going on, the nameless voice continued. "I'm going to go get a coffee. Do you want one, sweetie?"

"No, thank you. I'm going to stay here with him." I could hear the tears in Alice's voice, and I wanted to scream at Nameless: _Don't leave her! She's scared and hurt! Don't leave her!_

Fighting my drab domain harder, I managed to raise my eyelids slightly. The welcoming brightness hurt, and I hurriedly shut my eyes again.

"Edward?" The desperation in Alice's voice drove me to try again, but the light hurt too much. "Oh God, honey, hold on a sec. There. It's okay, Edward." A gentle hand stroked my hair, trying to ease my discomfort.

I cracked my lids again and was relieved to see the glaring lights had been dimmed. Turning towards Alice's voice, I saw her tear-stained cheeks smiling sadly down on me.

"Hi," I croaked. I offered her a smile, all the while trying to remember why she was sad. "Why are you crying?"

She gave a small laugh. "Have you forgotten everything now?"

"That'll be the morphine. Combined with the sedative we gave him, he's going to be pretty hazy. Hi, Edward."

"Hi." I smiled up at the doctor as he approached my bedside. I watched him fiddle with the machines until his name finally popped into my head. "Emmett."

"Very good. How are you feeling?"

"Good. Floaty and warm."

Emmett laughed. "I bet you are." He continued to play with the machines next to the bed while something tugged at the back of my mind.

"Morphine? Did I get hurt?"

"Not exactly." Emmett and Alice exchanged glances.

"Oh, okay." I smiled again and nestled back into the soft pillow.

"Edward." Alice wrapped her hands around mine.

"Hi. Your hands are soft."

"Hi, um, thank you." She looked at Emmett again. "How long will he be . . ." I watched her gesture to me before the beeping of the machines drew my attention.

"Not too long. It will start to wear off soon. He slept most of it off. Just give him some time, Alice."

Something squeezed my hand, and I looked down at it before remembering that Alice was still holding it. Looking up at her, I saw worry in her eyes. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, Edward." She gave me a weak smile, but I didn't believe her. _Something _is_ wrong._ Unease bubbled up in my stomach, piercing through the fog that had not yet fully left my head.I _knew_ something was very, very wrong. I just couldn't remember what.

Though I was intent on asking what it was that was bothering me, I was cut off by Alice. "He has"—she glanced nervously at the door—"a visitor. Do you think that would be okay? What if he gets u-p-s-e-t?" I frowned when I realized she was spelling the word in an attempt to keep me from understanding her. By the time I had figured this out however, Emmett was already answering.

"From what I understand of the situation, Alice, maybe it would be better to do this while he's still partially sedated. His reaction last night just to her name_—_"

"We never found out what he was reacting _to_." Alice's tone was defensive, and I felt protected by her very presence. _My very own bodyguard._

"Alice, Rose said—"

"Well, it's not like she took the time to ask him," Alice snapped again.

"He ripped the IV out of his hand and pulled the oxygen tube out of nose. I know he _looks_ healthier, but he is still weak, Alice. He would not listen to reason. Rose did what she had to—"

"Are you talking about me?" I frowned indignantly at both of them.

"Edward—" Alice paused and glanced nervously at the door, "—there's someone who is here to see you. Please don't get upset, okay?"

"Upset? What's going on?" The fog was clearing and something heavy weighed at the back of my mind. I fought to recall it, while at the same time fearing it.

"I'm going to go get your visitor, okay? I'll be right back, and I'll stay with you as long as you like. I won't leave you alone, Edward." She nodded; the fear in her eyes was evident.

I swallowed hard as she left the room. Turning to Emmett the second she was gone, I demanded, "What is going on?" My voice sounded weak, but I was determined to figure out what was going on. My floaty cloud was fast dissolving, and I was not happy about it.

Emmett bit his lip, and an image of another lip, soft and pink, caught in perfect white teeth made my heart skip a beat. I felt the pain before I had even fully ascertained its cause. _Izzy._ Bits and pieces began to float through the fog, reminding me of all I had done.

"Edward," Emmett began nervously. He glanced up, relieved, when Alice appeared again, dragging someone by the hand. Emmett immediately fell silent and went back to fiddling with the machines. I glared at him, ignoring Alice and her visitor until she was at my bedside.

"Edward, Edward," Alice said softly. In the end, I realized I would not get anything out of Emmett, and I turned back to Alice as she stepped aside. A sudden flightiness in my chest told me my heart had skipped a beat. Whether it was due to fear or shock, I wasn't sure.

"Tim." His name flew through the fog to the front of my mind with a speed that surprised me. An inexplicable shame flooded me, and my eyes quickly dropped to the blanket.

"Edward. How are you?" Tim's gentle voice brought back more memories than I could handle. My throat closed as the events of that past few days finally broke through the medicinal haze. _Tim._ Part of me was filled with relief at the sight of him. Somewhere inside however, a little boy cowered, unable to trust the man who had, with my father, left me to the wolves that roamed the school tears filled my eyes, and I kept them trained on the blankets as Tim spoke again. "Alice, Doctor, why don't you give us a few minutes?"

"Tim, I don't think—" Alice began in hushed tones.

"Alice." His tone effectively ended the argument; not an easy feat when one's opponent was Alice.

She nodded silently and headed for the door, Emmett close behind.

Tim waited until the door closed behind them before pulling a chair up beside the hospital bed. "I know you're still a bit hazy from the sedatives, Edward, but I was hoping we could talk." A curt nod was all I could manage. "Do you recall why they ended up giving you morphine?"

I winced as I remembered the stabbing pain in my hand when I had ripped out my IV. I subconsciously reached for my left hand and began rubbing it. The skin was still tender and had turned black from the blood that had pooled there. The IV had now been moved to my right hand, and I gingerly placed it back down on the blanket.

"I'll take that as a yes." Tim sighed and leaned forward. "Edward, what happened? Did the nurse say something? What upset you?"

"I want to go home." My voice cracked and gave out on me. I felt a single tear roll down my cheek, and I turned away swiftly.

"I know you do, Edward. We need to make some progress here first though." An aggravated sigh was all Tim got from me. "Okay, let's try another tactic. Edward, what happened with Izzy?"

The heart monitor spiked, distracting me. _Izzy . . . Isabella. Is she my Bella? _Tim's gaze never left me as he continued. "Alice has been trying to call her, but she won't return the calls. Edward, what happened after the party?"

"Nothing. I want to go home," I whispered again. The tears were flowing, and I could not control my breathing. Tim's hand rested on mine.

"Deep breaths, Edward. We can talk about Izzy when you're a bit stronger." Tim squeezed my hand. He handed me a tissue and fell silent as I wiped my face in embarrassment.

After several minutes, I managed to regain control of myself. The haze that had clouded me since I had awoken had cleared completely, and I wanted nothing more than to fade back into that grey world.

"Edward, what were you doing on that beach?"

"Going for a walk." My tone was insolent and sarcastic.

"In the middle of the winter with no coat?"

I refused to answer.

"Did you fall in the water?"

"What?" I hadn't meant to answer and I almost followed up my question with a curse. Images of me crawling along the beach — spouting Bible verses no less — popped into my head.

"Why were you all wet, Edward?"

"I didn't . . . I . . ." I trailed off as more bits of that night filtered through my mind.

"Go on," Tim urged gently.

"I didn't mean to. I wasn't, I just—" I sought some excuse for my erratic behavior. "I was drunk."

"Your blood alcohol level was 0.05, well within the legal limit, Edward. You were sober. Did you purposefully walk into the water?"

"'Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin,'" I whispered to no one in particular.

"Oh, Edward." Tim squeezed my hand again. The pain in his eyes was clear.

"I want to go home," I cried softly. The sorrow that had enveloped me had returned full force, and the black despair weighed heavy on my shoulders.

"I know, Edward, but you can't go home until I clear you." Tim sighed quietly.

"But, I—" I broke as his words sank in. "Until _you _clear me? What about Emmett? I feel fine. I _am _fine. I can recover at home."

"Edward."

"No!" Anger ripped through me. "I don't know what any of this has to do with you. It's fucking hypothermia, Tim."

"You're not here because of the hypothermia anymore, Edward." Tim struggled with whatever he wanted to say next. I seized my opportunity.

"Then let me go the fuck home."

Tim sighed heavily. "Edward — no, let me finish," he said, holding up one hand. "I know how adverse you are to therapy, to even acknowledging your feelings, but it wouldn't be fair to coddle you. I don't want to lie to you. I have known you all your life. Carlisle was like a brother to me, and I have always seen you as a son, Edward. You've gone down a path now that can't be ignored."

"What path? I have fucking hypothermia, and if Emmett says I can go, I want to go."

"As I said, you're not here for the hypothermia anymore."

"Then why the hell am I here?" I glared at Tim, my blood boiling.

"They're refusing to discharge you, Edward, because you're currently on suicide watch."

Ice filled my veins. _Suicide watch? But I didn't, I wasn't . . ._

"After what you did to your apartment a few weeks ago and now this: that's two incidents of self-harm that have landed you in the hospital." His voice dropped. "Edward, you can't keep running away. I know you don't want to live like this."

Tim's presence was both comforting and scary. _He's the only one who's gotten me through all of this shit lately._ At the same time, the animosity I had always felt towards him for not believing me as a child still stood between us. Part of me realized if I couldn't get past that, there was no hope for me. Tim was my only chance. _But he failed me back then, he and Carlisle . . ._ did _Dad fail me? Did I fail him? _The grief I had caused Alice was proof enough. The only thing my father and I had agreed on was keeping her safe, happy. _You turned your back on both of them, Edward. You can't deny it._

_Wash me thoroughly from mine iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin._

_How far have you sunk?_ Tim was right about one thing at least. Everything I'd done to ignore or bury the pain had failed. _I can't do this anymore. _Tears poured down my face as I crumpled. I was suddenly hyperaware of Tim's hand encasing mine. Terror flowed through my veins, and I clung to him, petrified. "Tim," I whispered. "Please . . . don't leave me." My darkest fear tasted bitter in my mouth. I nearly choked as flashes of everyone who had left me danced before my eyes. _Bella, Mommy, Dad, Isabella . . ._

"I'm not going anywhere, Edward." Tim looked me directly in the eye as he spoke, and I believed him.

* * *

**IPOV**

I sat up sharply and blinked at the bright sunshine that poured in through my bedroom window. The green-eyed boy from my dream began to fade, and I quickly began to run through my dream again, anxious not to lose him.

"I was on a beach, and I fell and scraped my hands. The boy was there. He helped me wash the cuts. He carried that bucket . . . I think it was _my_ bucket." Various memories of sand castles and shell hunts flashed through my mind, and I began to wonder if my dream was actually dream. _I did own a yellow bathing suit, and I'm sure I had an orange bucket. At least, I _think_ I did. _

I bit my lip and tried to recall more but the images were already growing fuzzy. _"Well, Bella, I'm Edward."_ The words made my skin tingle. _No . . . it couldn't be. No. Your brain is just mixing things up. You're overtired and hungry and upset. Food. _

I obediently swung my legs over the edge of the bed. I nearly fell as my foot slipped the second it hit the floor. I managed to catch myself, but my emotions still got the better of me. Bursting into tears, I sank to the floor next to my bed. It took me several minutes to get my damn sobs under control. When I had finally calmed, I reached behind me, eager to find whatever had sent me tumbling to floor and throw it against the wall. It turned out to be my phone. Surprised the pre-set alarm had not woken me, I flipped it open. The battery was dead.

I crawled over to my charger and plugged the stupid thing, not even bothering to turn it on. _I don't want to talk to anyone anyway._ Stumbling to my feet, I made my way to the kitchen. I didn't have the energy for anything beyond a cup of tea.

As the water boiled, I sat at the counter, the events of the previous night running through my head on a continuous loop. _His touch, the smell of his jacket, the touch of his hand . . . _I tasted the salt on my lips before I even realized I was crying again. Silent tears of defeat fell as more images appeared before my eyes.

_"Although, Bella—"_ His words after that had slipped from my memory as ice flooded my veins. _How did he know to call me Bella? The name that haunts me, that scares me because Ja —because _he _uses it. Why would Edward call me that— _The sound of pounding on the door ripped me from my panicky recollections.

I froze as the tea kettle behind me began boiling. Its shrill whistle pierced the air as the pounding continued. It echoed in my ears, keeping in time with the rhythmic beating of my heart.

"Izzy! Isabella Swan! Izzy!" The voice grew more panicked, and I leapt from my chair. Shock replaced any fear as I ran for the door. _What? He can't be here. What the hell?_

I ripped the door open without a second thought. "Charlie?" I blinked several times; unsure if I was actually seeing what was before my eyes. The doubt continued as my father grabbed and pulled me to him.

The hug was short and awkward; neither of us were the touchy-feely type. Charlie cleared his throat as he let me go. "Jesus fucking Christ, Izzy. Why the hell didn't you answer your phone?" he grunted at me.

"The battery died. What are you doing here, Char—Dad?"

Charlie pushed past me and glanced around. "Are you here alone? Where the fuck is that bastard?"

I managed to stop myself before I blurted out "Which one?" Charlie turned back and stared intently at me.

"Isabella, are you here alone?" I recognized my father's "cop" voice instantly.

"Yes, I'm here alone. Dad, what are you—"

"When's the last time you saw Jacob Black?"

"What? Dad, what are you talking about?"

"Isabella, answer the question."

"I . . . I saw him last Wednesday. Dad, why are you here? I told you I can handle this." Even as I spoke the words, I was overcome by a sudden desire to fling myself into my daddy's arms. My lip trembled, and I fought to keep it still. _I will not cry. I will not cry._

"You can handle it." I nodded silently, my eyes dropping to Charlie's collar. "And that bruise on your chin, I suppose you tripped and fell?" The blood drained from my face as my hand flew guiltily to my cheek. "I spoke with Chief Gagne, Izzy. I know what happened."

I cringed as though slapped. "So you're checking up on me now?" I could not keep the indignity I felt out of my voice. _The joys of being a cop's kid,_ I thought dryly.

"No. I was checking up on _him_."

"Same difference, Dad." I turned away from him and headed for the blasted tea pot which was still screeching in the kitchen.

"Izzy, he is dangerous!" Charlie hurried after me, but I refused to look at him. Both shame and relief flooded me at Charlie's words. I wanted desperately to ask my father for advice, but at the same time, I was mortified that I needed it. For the umpteenth time, I felt my eyes swim with tears. "Isabella!" There was desperation in his voice that I had not heard before.

"I know," I managed to choke out. Not trusting my voice, I focused on making tea, automatically grabbing a second mug for Charlie. When I finally had control of myself, I turned and handed one of the cups to Charlie. "Charlie, I'm getting a restraining order and—" I paused as I realized the restraining order meant talking to _him. Maybe you could call Alice or file it yourself . . ._ I shook my head, ignoring the problem for now and continued. "—and the Portland Police have been great."

"I know they've been great. Leon's a good cop, and his people are good cops. Izzy—" Charlie paused and seemed to wrestle with what he wanted to say, "—you're not the only reason I'm here."

"Well then why are you here, and how do you know so much about the Portland Police Department?"

Charlie jumped on the opportunity to change the subject. "I met Leon years ago at a conference here in Portland. He was just a detective then, but he's moved up in the ranks since then. We've kept in touch for, oh twenty-five years now." Charlie took a sip of tea, and I knew he was avoiding answering my other question.

"A conference? I didn't know you'd been to Maine before."

Charlie looked surprised. "You came too, honey. We spent a week or so here. I thought that was one of the reasons you moved out here. You loved the beach so much."

I searched my memory but came up short."What? When?"

"Oh, you were seven or eight. It was before your mom and I . . . you know. We came out here as a family for a week or so. We were actually planning to come out the following summer, but, uh, things went south." My father fell silent as he usually did when my mother came up in conversation.

"I don't remember that," I whispered. Confusion filled my mind. An image of a little brown-eyed girl in a yellow bathing suit flickered through my thoughts.

"It was a long time ago, Izzy." He seemed content to sit in silence and finish his tea, but I was still awaiting an answer.

"Dad, why are you here?" Charlie swallowed hard and stared at the mug in his hands. "_Dad,_" I pressed.

"Izzy,"—he began playing with the cup, running his finger around and around the rim—"do you remember the double homicide I told you we were working on?" His voice had dropped to a whisper at the end, and he looked at me with pain in his eyes.

Terror began to creep through me. "What the hell does that have to anything?"

"We found some new evidence, Izzy . . ." His gaze dropped back down to his now empty mug.

"And?" I whispered, not sure if I wanted to know more.

"And . . . our prime suspect is Jacob."

**I know there are still unanswered questions about Izzy's reaction. These will be resolved next chapter. I will do my damndest to post before I leave Ireland on the 31****st****. **


	27. Chapter 26

**Much love to my beta team.**

**If you are unaware, **_**Gabriel's Inferno,**_** the novel birthed from the fan-fic, **_**University of Edward Masen**_**, was released this week. It's available on Amazon and at Omnificpublishing[dot]com in print or e-book format. SR is an incredible author, and I highly recommend you all grab a copy.**

_ "We found some new evidence, Izzy . . ." His gaze dropped back down to his now empty mug._

_ "And?" I whispered, not sure if I wanted to know more._

_ "And . . . our prime suspect is Jacob."_

**Chapter 26**

Ice immediately filled my veins. I dropped down hard onto the kitchen floor as my head swam. _Jacob? A murderer? How . . . but . . ._

Charlie was instantly beside me. "Izzy, honey, I'm sorry. I know what a shock this must be." He patted my arm gently before changing his mind, pulling me to my feet and wrapping me in an awkward hug.

"I . . . I don't understand. Are you sure?" I knew the answer before Charlie gave it.

He nodded solemnly. "I'm sorry, Izzy." He gave me a final squeeze before stepping back and holding me at arm's length. Clearing his throat, Charlie looked at me intently. "Are you okay?"

I nodded and gave him a weak smile even as questions raced through my mind. Wandering into the living room, I sank onto the couch. Charlie followed but was stopped by the sound of his cell phone. I heard him curse quietly before answering it.

Dropping my face into my hands, I tried desperately to sort my thoughts. I couldn't even begin to wrap my head around the news. When I remembered Jacob's temper from the night he had attacked me, horror crept over me. My body felt like it was convulsing, and I failed to conceal it from my dad.

"Izzy?" Charlie immediately paled when I met his gaze. "Honey, it's okay. You're safe now." He sat next to me and wrapped an arm around my shoulders, discarding his phone in the process.

_Pull yourself together, Isabella._ Two hugs from my father in under ten minutes? _He _is_ worried._ This thought only heightened my anxiety, but I fought for control. I hated to disappoint my father.

"I'm fine, Dad," I managed shakily.

He looked at me pointedly. "Well, I don't believe you, but that was Leon. They have a lead, Izzy, and he's asked for my help, since uh . . ." Charlie dropped his gaze and trailed off.

"Since what?"

"Since I know the bastard so well," Charlie said gruffly. The bitterness in his voice was unmistakable. "I don't want to leave you alone. Is there someone you can call?" Two names flashed through my mind— both of them Cullen—and I winced automatically. Thankfully, Charlie didn't notice my reaction. "What about Darlene? Can she come and stay with you for a few hours?"

"Um, yeah, I'll go call her." Even as I said it, I had a sudden need to talk to Darlene. I needed advice on _him_, and Darlene would know exactly what to do.

A half hour later, Charlie gave me a quick hug before ordering Darlene and I to throw the deadbolt as soon as he left and call him for _anything_ suspicious. "There are two patrolmen just outside, girls. Don't you worry." The second the lock clicked in place, Darlene started firing questions.

"All right, Izzy, why is your _dad_ here? What happened last night? Did you stay at Edward's? Dish, girl!" She grabbed my arm and hauled me into the living room, before planting herself on the couch. Pulling me down beside her, she began rattling off more questions.

My mind raced as Darlene's curiosity got the better of her. When she finally paused for answers, I opened my mouth to explain and burst into tears. Darlene's face fell immediately.

"Aw shit, babe. What happened?" She wrapped an arm around me until I managed to regain control of myself.

_Fuck, where do I even start?_ Like my life, my mind was a complete mess. "Everything! Edward was . . . and"—my breathing started to accelerate again—"and Jacob's a murderer and I just, I . . ." I was losing control again and both of us knew it.

"Woah! Slow down, hon. Deep breaths." Darlene mimicked taking in lungfuls of air and whooshing them out again. She froze mid "whoosh" when the word "murderer" registered. "Wait, Jacob's a . . . what the hell did you say?"

"The cops think Jacob killed two people," I whispered; the words seemed to echo through the room. _Strange how things are so much more real when they're said aloud,_ I thought numbly.

"Jesus H. Christ, Izzy. Is that why your dad's here?" I nodded and for a brief moment, I was overcome with relief that my Daddy had come to save me. "That's crazy, Izzy." Reaching over, Darlene found my hand. "Okay, leaving that insanity behind, let's focus on something I can help with . . . now what happened with Cullen?"

I shook my head and sighed heavily. "Look, I . . .I know you didn't like the idea of Edward and I dating . . ."

"I'm not going to say 'I told you so', Izzy," Darlene said quietly. "For your sake, I will try to keep an open mind."

I smiled sadly. "Thank you."

"Izzy, what happened?"

"It . . . it was Jacob all over again," I finally admitted between sniffles.

"That son of a bitch _hit you?_" Darlene was on her feet immediately.

"No! No, Darlene, he didn't hit me. He just . . . he, I—" I broke off and clamped my teeth down on my lower lip. The pain helped me clear my head.

"Izzy, what did he do?" Darlene sat back down and stared at me pointedly.

"He knew things. He called me 'Bella' and there was . . ." His comment about seaweed popped into my head, bringing about a bewildering sense of déjà vu.

"There was what, Izzy?"

I shook off the strange feeling. "He had a picture of me."

Darlene looked confused. "Like a creepy, stalker, taken-through-a-bathroom-window kind of picture?"

An image of Jacob watching me from the dark street sent a shiver up my spine. My eyes darted to the windows, but the shades were still drawn. A phantom noise from the hallway made me jump as my imagination took off. I hugged myself tightly and struggled to control the fear that crept through my veins.

"Isabella!" Darlene was staring at me, concern marring her features. "Izzy, what photo did he have?" Trepidation filled her voice, and I bit my lip again.

"It was a picture of me as a kid. I don't even know where he would have gotten it. I don't think I've seen it before."

"Are you sure it was you?" Darlene looked unconvinced.

I swallowed a sarcastic reply. "I know what I look like, Darlene. It was definitely me when I was eight or so. I remember that bathing suit," I murmured. _It was the same one in the painting . . ._

"How the hell could he have gotten a childhood photo of you?"

"_Jacob_ stole them from my father," I said disgustedly.

"Do you think—"

"No," I said firmly. Some small part of me vehemently protested even the _idea_ of Edward being involved with Jacob in anyway. A much larger part of me, still steeped in fear, disagreed though.

I tried to beat the fear back with a bleary logic. _Edward was getting you a restraining order against Jacob! He wasn't working _with _him. _My mind kept returning to that photo though, and a little brown haired girl with a yellow bathing suit. _Where could he have gotten that?_ I cried silently.

_Maybe he has connections . . . He's a lawyer, not a friggin super-spy, Izzy. _As doubt invaded my mind, my inner bitch took the opportunity to reappear and berate me for not thinking things through.

"Yeah, I guess. Izzy—" Darlene paused and took a deep breath, "—about the name thing, do you think, I mean . . ." She lost her courage and fell silent.

"Do I think that I overreacted?" I whispered, finishing Darlene's question for her.

"Um, maybe. You said he called you 'Bella'. It's a common enough nickname for Isabella. Maybe he was trying to be endearing?" It pained Darlene to defend Edward; I could hear the note of suspicion in her voice.

My mind raced through possibilities. Separated from the memories of Jacob, the name I could excuse. . . "But . . . but the _photo_." My voice was barely audible.

"That is creepy . . . if it was really you." I could hear the doubt in her voice, and it quickly filtered back into my thoughts. _God, Izzy, you didn't even get a close look at the damn thing._ "You didn't ask him about it?" I shook my head.

"I just . . ." Silent tears began streaming down my face. "Darlene, I freaked. All I could think about was Jacob," I whispered.

She quickly grasped my hand. "I know, hon. Izzy, I know you're very private, but you can't pretend that everything you've gone through with Jacob hasn't left a mark. It's completely understandable that you freaked about being called 'Bella'. I know the fact that Jacob knew that was your nickname from forever ago—before he ever _met_ you— scared the shit out of you, but Edward doesn't know your history. So maybe . . ." Darlene lost her nerve again and dropped off.

"Maybe I should call him," I whispered, terrified at the mere thought. _Stop being irrational, you idiot. You completely overreacted, and now you've ruined everything._ The doubt that had been ever-present whenever I was with Edward returned then. _You're not good enough for him anyway._

"As much as I think Alice nailed it with the nickname 'Pricky', yeah, I guess you should call him." Darlene sighed resignedly.

We sat there in silence, the decision made. Finally Darlene rose. "I'm going to get a drink. Do you want anything?"

I shook my head. "No, I, uh —" Taking a deep breath, I steadied myself, "—I have to make a phone call."

Getting to my feet, I strode numbly to my bedroom where my cell phone still rested on its charger. Darlene did not follow; a fact I was extremely grateful for. My hands trembled as I reached for the phone. _What if he won't even answer? What if he yells at me? What if he won't even let me explain? _

"Shut up, Izzy. Just do it," I whispered softly. My hands trembled as I picked up the phone. _Three missed calls – Alice._ My thumb hovered over the button as I debated returning Alice's call. _God, she probably knows everything. How I left him standing there and ran out, no explanation whatsoever._

As much as Alice had grumbled and rolled her eyes at her brother's antics, it was clear from the way she spoke of him that she adored Edward. _And how worried she is about him, and now you've just rejected him, wounded him._

"Wait, Izzy, please!" Edward's words, saturated with grief and incomprehension, echoed through my head, making the decision for me. I dismissed Alice's call and ignored her voicemail. _I need to work this out with Edward first. _Maybe if I could do that, I wouldn't lose Alice too.

I ran through various explanations in my mind, none of which seemed convincing enough. _How the hell am I going to explain this? How can he ever forgive this . . . does he even want to?_

Tears threatened again as I dialed Edward's number. _Do it, Izzy_. _You deserve whatever you get, _my inner bitch whispered as I hit "send". My breathing neared hyperventilation as the phone rang once, twice. I froze as Edward's voice reached my ear; my mouth went dry and all planned explanations fled my thoughts. An overwhelming sense of relief, mixed with despair, washed over me as I realized his phone had gone to voicemail. "He's not avoiding you, Izzy. His phone's not on. It's Sunday night. He's busy,"I said aloud in an attempt to counteract the fear that rippled through me.

The beep that indicated it was my turn to speak threw me off guard. "Um—" I blanched, "—uh, Edward, It's Izzy." I dropped off, seeking the right words. "Can, can you call me? Please, we need to talk." I hung up and quickly dropped the phone on my bed as though it were on fire.

_It's done. Nothing you can do but wait._ That thought did nothing to calm the turmoil that filled me. Leaving the phone on the bed, I turned and made my way back out to where Darlene waited.

Disquiet crossed her face as I walked back into the living room. Shaking my head, I said, "Voicemail." I opened my mouth to tell her about the missed call from Alice but changed my mind at the last moment. I didn't know how far Darlene's curiosity would lead her or whether she even had Alice's number, and I was determined to fix this—if it _could_ be fixed—on my own.

Darlene and I watched T.V. in silence until Charlie returned, exhausted and unhappy, in the wee hours of the morning. He told us bitterly that they had tracked down where Jacob had been staying, but there had been no sign of him. He followed that admission up with an insistent "We'll catch him soon!" and "Don't worry, Izzy. It'll be fine."

I saw Darlene out. She was accompanied by one of the patrolmen who would escort her home; Charlie had been adamant about it. Once she was gone, I gave my father a weak smile and a few blankets for the pullout couch, bid him good night, and then escaped into my bedroom. Despite the stressful events of the day, it was far too early and I was far too awake to even begin to fall asleep.

To distract myself as I lay there, I tried to recall details of my dream the night before. The orange bucket appeared in the forefront of my mind, and suddenly I was _sure_ I had owned that bucket as a child. The bathing suit was a blur now; _am I remembering something I once owned or just confusing my dream with that photo?_ I shuddered as I recalled the sight of my childhood photo on Edward's bedside table. _It might not be yours . . ._

I shook my head and thought about the boy in my dream (_Edward_) and the beautiful portrait that Jacob had destroyed. Edward's words from the party came back to me then. "Izzy, don't let him have it. Don't let him take that from you."

Tears poured silently down my cheeks as I lay there, staring at the ceiling. Whatever Edward turned out to be, he was right about that. As I drifted off to sleep, a small green-eyed boy filled my thoughts. I made a steadfast decision to re-paint the boy on the beach before I gave in and let the sandman take me.

* * *

**EPOV**

Tim and Alice sat by while I ate lunch, both watching me with worried eyes. I did my best not to roll my eyes. _It's not as though as I'm going to explode at any minute._ The past few days replayed in my mind then, and I immediately shot down my own sarcastic thought.

I ate in silence, unsure of what to do or say to prove to them I was fine. When I was finished, a nurse—not Rosalie this time—came to check my vital signs. As she took my temperature and retrieved some more blankets, I caught part of a whispered conversation between Tim and Alice.

"Did he say anything—"

"Alice, you know our sessions are private."

Alice's face fell. "That's a 'no', isn't it?"

Tim sighed. "He'll talk when he's ready."

"I tried calling her. Yesterday, her phone was off all day, but I left voicemails. Today she's just not answering. I don't know—"

"Leave her alone!" The strength of my voice surprised even me, and the nurse jumped. Her eyes darted to Tim and Alice before she hurriedly finished tucking blankets in around me. She gave the bed one last pat and then darted out of the room. I briefly wondered what horror stories she had heard about the crazy guy in room 238, the one who ripped IVs out and threw temper tantrums. Dismissing the thought entirely, I turned back to Tim and Alice. "Leave her alone, Alice."

"Edward, she's my friend too," Alice said quietly.

"Alice, this is none of your business. I fucked this up. You stay out of it."

"Edward—"

"Promise me," I demanded.

"Ed—"

"Promise me!" I could feel the anger tainted with fear as it bubbled through me.

Alice opened her mouth to argue again but thought better of it. Tim stepped in then. "Alice, perhaps you could give Edward and I some more time together?"

Alice nodded and headed for the door. I called out before she could reach it. "Alice, promise me."

She turned back to me and hesitated. At last she nodded, a myriad of emotions on her face. "And if _she_ calls _me_, Edward?" I could hear the bite in her tone. _You hurt her, Edward._

"Then I am _not_ a topic of conversation." My tone was hard, but I needed my point to be crystal clear. Alice turned and left without another word.

"That was pretty harsh, Edward." Tim pulled his chair back over by my bed.

"She needs to stay out of my business."

"Edward, you said that you messed things up with Izzy. What did you mean by that?"

Part of me wanted to tell him, but I held fast. James' voice whispered in the back of my mind, _He never believed you before._ "Nothing."

"Edward, why are you still holding back?" Tim leaned forward; worry creasing his brow. "Do you not trust me?"

I refused to answer. Training my eyes on the blankets, I began picking at spots where the fabric had pilled.

"Edward?" Tim's voice was quiet and gentle. It infuriated me. _How can he not fucking see?_

"You never fucking believed me before," I spat at him.

"Before?" Tim's eyes narrowed before comprehension dawned on his face. "When you were young." He sat back, sadness in his eyes. "Edward, you stopped talking to us. You refused to say anything about the fights."

"You never believed me, so no one did! So . . . I stopped trying." My lip trembled as a fresh wave of pain washed over me. I bit down on it hard in an attempt to keep control.

"I'll believe you now, Edward."

I was dangerously close to tears as painful memories swarmed my mind in a visceral attack, but I could not stop the words that tumbled from my mouth. "They beat me repeatedly and relentlessly, and you didn't stop them! Neither of you! You just—" A sob cut me off, and I turned away.

Tim was immediately at my side. "Edward, we didn't know. You were so angry; you refused to talk to anyone. I tried, Edward. I tried to get anything out of you, anything so we could help."

Even as tears poured down my face, I knew he was telling the truth. I remembered therapy sessions on weekends, in the middle of the night; whenever anything happened, Tim had come running. _He still does._ Tim had always answered my phone call, no matter how late. _And now he's flown up here because you tried to . . ._ I couldn't finish the thought even as Tim continued.

"I should have tried harder or convinced Carlisle to find you another therapist. Maybe if you had seen someone else, you could have learned to trust them, to let them help you." Tim sighed sadly. "I failed you, Edward. I'm sorry."

When I managed to regain some control over myself, I whispered, "You're doing a pretty good job of making up for it, Tim." I gave a short laugh and accepted the tissue he offered me.

Tim squeezed my hand. "We have quite a bit of ground to cover now. So, Edward, tell me what happened at school."

I could hear the voice in the back of my head warning me off, reminding me of everything I'd gone through when I was young, but Tim's quiet words—_I'll believe you now—_drowned it out. Taking a deep breath, I began.

Several hours later, Alice woke me for a late dinner. "Hey, sleepyhead. Jasper smuggled you in some real food, if you're hungry." My stomach growled in response and my sister laughed. "I'll take that as a 'yes'."

I sat up eager for anything that wasn't hospital food. Alice explained that Tim had returned to his hotel room for a shower while she and Jasper sorted through various takeout containers before doling out dinner.

This meal, Alice seemed to feel the need to fill the silence. She babbled on about Christmas and how she was so glad she had insisted we not throw out the old family decorations. I smiled complacently at her numerous suggestions between bites.

When she began musing about where to hang mistletoe in my apartment, I lost my appetite. _It's not like I have anyone to kiss, Alice, _I thought bitterly as I set down my fork. I tuned Alice out and focused on counting the remaining pieces of the massive "Bloomin' Onion" that Jasper had forced on me.

"Edward? Edward, what do you think?" There was an eager hopefulness in Alice's eyes, but I could not match her enthusiasm. "We could celebrate up here. Wouldn't that be nice? Maybe we'll have a white Christmas."

My voice sounded hollow when I finally responded. "I appreciate your fervor, Alice, but I don't have much to celebrate this year."

"Well—" Alice broke off and glanced at Jasper. I watched as the two of them conversed with their eyes, as only lovers can.

Jasper stepped forward. "Edward—" he paused and glanced at Alice, who gave him an encouraging smile, "—I realize we are going about this is the wrong order, but—"

"We're getting married!" Alice burst out. Excitement sparkled in her blue eyes as a grin spread across her face.

"Married?" Shock slowly dissolved into relief when I realized if anyone could keep Alice safe and happy, it was Jasper.

"We'd . . . we'd like your blessing, Edward." Jasper's slow southern drawl had a hint of worry in it.

"It's yours."

My response was immediate and heartfelt, and it brought a sob of relief from Alice. She flung herself into my arms and whispered, "Thank you."

Something that Jasper had said struck me odd, and as I froze, Alice sat up. She looked at me questioningly. "Wait. What did you mean about 'the wrong order'?" I glanced at Jasper and then Alice.

"Oh!" Alice blushed. _Alice? Blushing?_ "Well, Edward,"—Alice rose and reached for Jasper's hand—"we're pregnant."

I blinked several times, trying desperately to process those two words. "Um, you're what?" I finally managed to spit out.

"_Pregnant_, Edward." Alice laughed and sat back down on my hospital bed. "Jasper and I are having a baby." She squeezed my hand and smiled encouragingly. "You're going to be an uncle, Edward."

_An uncle . . ._ For a brief moment, I could picture my little niece or nephew squirming in my arms. The thought was so surreal, I almost laughed out loud.

"Don't you see, Edward?" Alice leaned in closer, and her voice dropped. "I need you. _We_ need you," she whispered, placing her tiny hand on her belly. "Please, just . . . Edward, please trust Tim. I want, no, I _need_ you to be okay. I need you to know you're not alone, big brother. You have people—a family— who care about you. Please remember that." She squeezed my hand again.

Pulling her into a hug, I clung to her. As she wrapped her tiny arms around my neck, I heard her whisper, "Are you really happy for me, big brother?"

"I'm ecstatic for you, little bat." I gently kissed the top of her head before she sat up.

"Will you think about what I said?"

I hesitated before nodding. "Yeah, yeah I will."

"Thank you, Edward." She gave me a quick peck on the knuckles of the hand she held before beaming at me. Her exhilaration was infectious; I couldn't help but return her smile.

"So when is this wedding? How many thousands of people have you invited, Alice?" I shook my head when she pouted at me.

"March and, for your information, it is going to be small; family and a few friends, that's all." Alice attempted to look affronted but couldn't stop the delight that was emanating from her.

"Small?" I looked at her doubtfully. "Jasper, how did you pull that off?"

Jasper laughed and raised his hands in defeat. "This was all her. Alice decided on something small, and who was I to argue?"

We all chuckled. Alice grew quiet after a few minutes. Breaking the silence, she said, "I just thought, you know, with Mom and Dad both gone . . ."

"Yeah." We all fell silent then, whether from grief or weariness, I didn't know. Finally, I spoke up. "Listen, little bat—and _littler_ bat—you should get some rest. You're sleeping for two, right?"

Alice snorted and shook her head. "All right, Edward. You need some sleep yourself." She gave me another drawn-out hug before gripping my upper arms tightly. "You'll call me if you need anything." The stern look in her eyes was so reminiscent of my father, I nearly flinched.

"Yes, ma'am." I said jokingly.

"Promise?"

That one word reminded me of how harsh I had been with her before, and all the jest fizzled out of me. "I promise, Alice. I—" I glanced around but did not see my cell phone anywhere. "—don't know where my cell phone is, but I'm sure I can dial out on the room phone."

"I'll write my cell phone number down and leave it by the phone. I forgot to tell you. They didn't find your cell phone when you . . . when they found you, and I didn't see it anywhere in your apartment. Did you have it with you?"

"I think so." I had to scoff silently as we tiptoed around the subject of that night. _Shut off the emotions and use your matter-of-fact voice; that's generally how this family deals with trauma._ As true as the thought was, for the first time, I felt a hint of sadness at it, rather than the usual bitterness.

"Then I suppose it's somewhere in the ocean. We'll have to get you a replacement later."

"No big deal." I gave a short laugh. "You're the only one who calls me, Alice."

"And I know where to find you." I shook my head at the threatening tone to her voice.

"Yeah, whatever. Good night, little bat."

"Good night, big brother." She gave my hand one last squeeze before heading for the door. The sadness that was my constant companion of late descended as always, but this time as I watched my sister and my future brother-in-law walk away, it seemed a little more bearable.

"Uncle Edward," I whispered to the semi-dark room. The words, so foreign and surreal, stirred something in my chest. For the first time in a very long time, a spark of hope ignited in me. _You're not alone, big brother . . . We need you. _Alice's words came back to me, and suddenly a desperate desire came over me. _Maybe I can do this . . . for Alice and for littler bat._ The new nickname brought a smile to my lips. _And then . . . maybe . . ._ Afraid to even whisper Izzy's name in my mind, for fear that despair would quell the small glimmer of hope, I focused on Alice's news instead. Soon after, I fell asleep to dreams of a copper haired attorney teaching a little spiky-haired boy how to catch.

**Ta.**


	28. Chapter 27

**I hope you all had a blessed Easter. **

**As always, my heartfelt gratitude goes out to my Beta team. I love you, ladies.**

**And of course, everything Twilight belongs to Steph, but every inch of Pricky belongs to me ;) (don't worry, I'll share) **

* * *

**Chapter 27**

**EPOV**

I stared at the large manila envelope sitting on the seat next to me. It seemed to loom in front of me, feeling far more terrifying than a simple envelope should. I had a brief moment of déjà-vu as I suddenly flashbacked to my senior year of high school. Despite my arrogant boasting that I was sure to get into every college I had applied for, every envelope that had arrived had terrified me, lest it bring news that would disappoint Carlisle. _This_ envelope was far scarier.

"Oh for fuck's sake, Edward!" I slammed the heel of my hand against the steering wheel. "She'll want it; she _needs_ it! You have nothing to be afraid of!"

The poor excuse for a self-motivational speech did nothing to calm my nerves, and I remained in my car on the edge of the street. I took several deep breaths and tried to remember all the things Tim had said to me throughout our sessions over the past few days. My nails dug into the smooth leather of the steering wheel as my hands tensed and relaxed, over and over. "Just be calm. Listen to what she says. Edward, you deserve love and happiness." I wasn't sure I believed that last part, but Tim still insisted that I say it out loud occasionally.

The last few days were a blur. I had spent several hours every day with Tim. He had finally authorized my discharge from Maine Med on Wednesday night on the condition that I would continue daily sessions with him for the next week or so. After that, he would be returning to New York, and I was to find a suitable replacement to see once a week. The small white bag that I had thrown to the floor in a mixture of disgust and shame caught my eye, and I sighed.

"It's just an antidepressant, Edward. It's not psychotropic; it's not going to make you foggy. In fact, it has very few side effects. It just increases the serotonin in your brain." Tim had sounded so matter-of-fact.

"A fucking happy pill," had been my snide retort to Tim's suggestion of drugging me. He had gone on to tell me all the fabulous things that antidepressants can do, most of which I had ignored. A slight pause in Tim's speech gave me the opportunity to jump in, and I seized it. "I don't want to be all drugged out, Tim. I just . . . it's going to change the way I think, the way I feel, I—"

"Are you happy with the way you feel now?"

"I'm fine!" I'd snapped.

"That's not what I asked, Edward. Are you satisfied with how you feel? The emotional roller coaster that you've been on?"

It had taken me several minutes before I begrudgingly managed a, "No."

"And now, Eddie, you're officially on—" Reaching down, I grabbed the bag and ripped it open, "—Paxil. Well, Mr. Paxil, kindly tell me how the hell to do this." I shook the bottle, as if _that_ could elicit an answer out of a lump of plastic."Jesus, you _are_ crazy," I muttered tossing the bag and the bottle onto the seat . . . and onto the damn envelope.

"What's the worst that could happen?" My mind immediately began listing off possible outcomes. _You're going to fuck this up, Eddie. You always do. She's gonna—Stop._ I cut myself off and quickly recited a quote aloud. "It is as hard to see one's self as to look backwards without turning around." I repeated it twice more before taking a deep breath. Tim had decided I should use "thought-stopping" to try and curb my self-berating. Cut myself off mid-thought and say something positive instead. Tim had been impressed with my choice of the Thoreau quote. I wasn't really sure if it was working or not.

"It's certainly not helping my current situation," I muttered. "All right, no more procrastinating. You've been sitting here for twenty minutes, Edward. It's now or never. Do you want this?"

I took a deep breath and reached for the manila envelope. As my right hand grasped the envelope, my left simultaneously opened the car door. I exited the car quickly, lest I change my mind and be stuck here, arguing with the voices in my head, for the remainder of my lunch hour.

As I strode up the sidewalk, I kept glancing to the end of the street where the brick building that was my destination stood. My eyes roamed the windows, wondering which was hers. I came to a dead stop at the bottom of the front steps.

My fingers, still clutching the envelope, grew clammy as I stood there, staring. I might have stood there all day, but the door opened suddenly and the action spurred me to movement. Jingling my car keys, I quickly held the door for the older lady and flashed her an award-winning smile.

She gave me the once-over before returning the smile and thanking me. _Apparently all it takes is a great suit and some charm to sneak your way into an apartment building. _That immediately made me nervous when I thought about why I was there.

Stopping at the row of mailboxes, I searched for a name. It was unnecessary. I remembered the way to her apartment; I remembered standing in her doorway, the smell of her hair, the press of her skin. My heart skipped a beat as I was suddenly flooded in memories. "Get it together, Edward."

Shaking my head, I slowly headed for the stairwell. My legs felt heavy; each step seemed to take an age, but at the same time, I reached the third floor too quickly for my liking. I tried to fill my head with positive thoughts, but it seemed even Thoreau had abandoned me.

As I reached for the handle to the stairwell door, movement in the hallway beyond caught my eye. A man stood outside her door. Fear shot through me. _Jacob? Is that the son of a bit—_ I froze with the door partially open when I caught sight of her. _Isabella . . ._

Her long brown hair looked disheveled and flat as she reached out and hugged the man. _Not Jacob then, but who?_ I caught her "I love you, Dad," which brought more questions than answers. _Her father's here?_ _Has this Jacob guy gotten so out of hand?_

As Izzy and her father made their goodbyes, my eyes focused only on her. She looked thinner, paler. There were dark circles under her eyes. The smile she directed at her father, though weak, was genuine, but it did not quite reach her eyes.

I almost gasped when I saw a dark bruise on her arm. Panic raced through my veins, but quickly dissolved into relief when I realized it was blue paint. _She's painting again!_ I couldn't explain why the realization filled me with joy, but a grin broke across my face.

The intense therapy sessions I had with Tim over the past several days had been a learning experience. It was strange how unlocking your own emotions suddenly shed light on everybody else's. Tim had finally managed to get the events of Saturday night out of me on Wednesday, and we had talked for over an hour about possible reasons for Izzy's reaction.

I had read and re-read the police report from the night Izzy had been attacked, nauseated each time. Just the thought of what the bastard had done to her brought tears to my eyes; it made my throat close even now. I took a deep breath and tried to steady myself.

"Ah!" The stairwell door swung open quickly, nearly taking me out.

"Oh, sorry. Didn't see you there." Izzy's father nodded at me distractedly and then continued on his way.

"No problem," I called. I watched him retreat down the stairs before turning back to the hallway in front of me. I felt my breathing accelerate as I walked slowly down the long hallway. For a large apartment building, it was eerily quiet. Covered with a hideous flowery paper, the walls stretched before me; they seemed to grow longer with every step. "If I see a pair of twin girls who ask me to play forever and ever and ever, I'm running," I muttered to myself. The pathetic joke didn't help my nerves.

Finally, I stood outside her door. Half my lunch hour had been spent just getting the fifteen or so blocks from my office to Izzy's apartment; the drive had taken four minutes, the last block: twenty-six. Clinging to the manila envelope now as though it were my lifeline, I raised my hand and knocked.

* * *

**IPOV**

I stepped back and looked at the canvas with a critical eye. "The green isn't quite right," I murmured quietly to no one in particular. As I leaned over to alter the shade of green, I winced as the movement pulled on my side. My father had paid for several hours with Eric, in the hopes it would make me happy. Tuesday, after walking out of Eric's shop, I had passed the art store and was unable to resist a new tube of paint . . . _or four._ I smiled softly to myself, remaking at how much effort it seemed to take. Shaking my head, I returned to my painting. Somewhere down the hallway, I heard a gentle knocking.

Ignoring it, I set my brush to the canvas in an attempt to recreate a pair of perfect green eyes. No matter how many times I had painted and repainted, they still looked flat and dark; they still lacked that spark that only divinity could provide.

I sighed and decided to focus on the secondary character instead. Despite my intention to do anything but, the brown-haired girl had ended up in a yellow bathing suit. Six colors after I'd started, I had finally accepted that nothing but yellow would do. The splash of lemon managed to brighten the whole canvas and darken my mood at the same time.

Edward had not called me back. Not a word from him since I'd left a voicemail on Sunday. Alice had stopped calling as well. _Guess he finally told her what happened, what I did to him._ The pain in his voice as I had run from him, the questions that still remained unanswered; they surged through me as I stared at the bright bathing suit on the small brown haired girl in the painting.

As a distraction, I mixed paint furiously in a small plastic bowl, adding colors until I was left with nothing but a muddy brown. I heard the knocking again, this time louder. _They aren't home, idiot. Jeez, it's so loud it sounds like—_ I froze, paintbrush in mid-air. _Charlie just left, Darlene is working through lunch, Mrs. O'Connell has gone to Colorado to spend the holidays with her grandchildren. _I listed off all the people who had reason to knock on my door. Only one name remained.

My throat closed instantly. My eyes watered as I fought to stifle the fear that was in turn stifling my breathing. _Charlie forgot something or someone let a door-to-door salesman in! It's not him!_ I managed to take a deep breath, then another. As oxygen flowed through my body again, I began to calm myself.

The underlying fear that was my constant companion refused to leave, however, and as I reached the hallway that led to my front door, the shadow under the door made me jump. "Hello?" My voice was barely above a breathy whisper. I took a deep breath and tried again. "Um, hello?"

"Izzy?" It was the last voice I had expected, and it filled me with a bittersweet mosaic of emotions. I wanted to run _to_ him and _away_ from him at the same time.

"Edward?" I walked swiftly to the door but could not bring myself to undo the deadbolt.

"Hey, Izzy. It's me." Edward cleared his throat and fell silent.

"What . . . what are you doing here?" My voice was filled with fear.

"I'm sorry to show up unannounced, Izzy. I know you're home alone, and, with all that has happened, I would completely understand if you don't feel comfortable letting me in, and . . . I just, I needed to talk to you and to bring you something."

"I want to let you in," I whispered, "but—" Fear once again restricted my windpipe, and I silently cursed Jacob Black and his abusive, domineering, murderous self to the lower rings of Hades. Even visions of him being thrown in the deepest, darkest hole until the end of time did nothing to assuage the fear in my heart; the fear _he _had placed there; the fear I was sure I would never be rid of. _You're mine._ Jacob's voice crept through my thoughts like a serpent in the grass.

"It's okay, Izzy. I understand. I. . . how, how are you?" Through the door, Edward sounded unsure of himself. Guilt washed over me, and my lower lip began to tremble.

"I'm sorry, Edward!" The words burst from my chest before I could stop them. "I, I wanted tell you that, but you didn't return my call, and I just . . . a voicemail—" My hand grasped the door handle; my heart began to race. _Just open it! _part of me screamed while another piece cowered in the corner.

"I know. I'm sorry, Izzy. I would have called you back. I just, I lost my phone and I was . . .um, indisposed."

_He would have called. Really? _A sense of relief began to slowly trickle through me. I rested my forehead against the door as tears poured down my cheeks. _Open the door, Isabella. You owe him that._ I pictured him there, standing just outside the doorway; his green eyes sparkling, that gentle smile on his face.

But Jacob's face kept creeping in. I flinched as I remembered every blow, both physical and mental. The bruises weren't the only markings I had . . . my psyche had been altered too.

"I'm sorry. I just—"

"No! It's okay. Look, I know this is partially my fault, and I think I pushed you further than you were ready to go, and with all that's happening, I can understand why you're scared. I don't . . . I don't blame you for that."

_Wait, _his_ fault? I'm the one who ran out._ "You . . . you called me Bella?" The question in my tone must have been distorted through the door, because Edward immediately began apologizing.

"I know. I'm sorry, Izzy. Bella is—_was_ someone I used to know a very long time ago. You have her eyes. I thought . . . I don't even know . . ." He trailed off. _Someone he used to know?_ My thoughts turned to the photograph by his bed, but the despair in his voice was obvious, and I longed to comfort him.

"I shouldn't have freaked out. I overreacted." I opened my mouth to ask about the photo, but my courage failed me. Darlene's words echoed through my mind. _Are you sure it was you?_ I wasn't anymore. _You've done enough damage,_ my inner bitch snarled. "I overreacted. That name . . . it's, it brings back—I can't—" Sure I was only confusing him more with my ramblings, I tried to switch gears. I opened my mouth . . . but Edward spoke first.

"I know a bit about overreacting." Edward gave a hollow laugh but refused to divulge more.

"Edward, you sound . . . different."

"Ha, I, um, I've spent a lot of time in therapy of late." The short laugh that followed was full of fear.

Pain stabbed through me, and, for a moment, I could not find my voice. "That's my fault?" I whispered softly.

"No! No, Izzy. This has been in the cards for a long, long time. It's not your fault. Please, please don't blame yourself for this. I have . . . a lot to atone for, Isabella, and I'm sorry that I've gotten you mixed up in it." My name sounded so right on his lips, I nearly missed the rest of his plea.

"Wait, you mixed _me_ up in _your_ life? Edward, all this shit with Jacob. He . . . he knows about you. I—" My voice caught it in my throat.

"Well he wouldn't be a very good stalker if he didn't, Izzy. I'm not afraid of him. He's not going to scare me off." The relief that flooded through me nearly made me collapse. A small sob escaped my throat. "Isabella, everyone has their own past," Edward whispered. I heard a small thud that sounded like he had leaned against the door.

"That sounds like a quote." I rested my forehead against the door, wishing it was Edward's chest.

"Yeah, my therapist." I could almost hear Edward roll his eyes. "Listen, Izzy, I brought something."

I stepped back as something hit my foot. Looking down, I saw a large manila envelope being pushed underneath the door. I reached down and pulled it the rest of the way into the apartment.

"It's all the paperwork for a restraining order. I added the police reports to ensure it would get through the courts quickly. I, uh, I told them I was your attorney to get them from the police. I hope you don't mind."

"No, Edward, thank you." I looked down at the envelope in my hands and was surprised to see two dark spots on it. A third quickly appeared before I realized they were from my tears.

"Carol flagged all the sheets that need your signature. If you read it and sign it, Izzy, we can get it filed with the courts today. You can drop it off at my office. If you don't want to see me, you can call Carol directly. I'll tell her to do whatever you say. I did write down my new cell phone if . . ." Edward fell silent.

"I will! I'll call you, I mean." I bit my lip.

"You can call me anytime, for anything."

"Thank you." I paused. "Edward—"

"Be safe, Isabella." His words made me choke up. Fresh tears poured down my face. "I look forward to your call."

I couldn't control the sobs that racked my body. As I leaned against the door for support, I heard the door to the stairwell open. "No, Edward, wait!" Struggling with the deadbolt, I cursed the door. When I finally managed to open it, the hallway was long empty. I wondered if he had fled from the place. _He did sound so scared . . ._ Ignoring the irony that Edward was afraid of _me_, I called his name. "Edward!"

I ran for the stairwell, but by the time I got there, Edward was long gone. Sniffling, I turned and slowly made my way back to my apartment. As I reached my door, a small noise at the far end of the hallway spooked me. All the panic and fear that had haunted me returned full force, and I darted into my apartment, slammed the door and threw the deadbolt. I collapsed onto the floor and leaned against the hard, unforgiving wood.

_Edward's not the only one who needs a therapist,_ my inner bitch said snidely. I tried to reason with myself. It was the first time I had been alone since Charlie arrived. My father had been bringing me to work, and if he had not been able to get me in the afternoon, Darlene accompanied me home. Finally, deciding I was just a hindrance to the both of them, I got approval for a week off. _It's your first time alone, Izzy. Of course you're freaked out._ The thought did not make me feel better, but at least my heart rate had slowed.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. _I was . . . indisposed. _Edward's words returned to me, and immediately, I wondered what he had meant by them. _I know a bit about overreacting._ The bits I knew about his fight with the living room came to the forefront of my mind. _Oh God, what happened?_ Alice's numerous calls still remained unanswered, and the voicemails she had left were still on my phone, unheard. _You need to call Alice as well._

As I sat there deliberating, my fingers found the smooth envelope that was lying on the floor where I had dropped it in my haste to catch Edward. I clutched it to my chest for several minutes as if to draw strength from something that he had touched. Finally, I rose unsteadily and went off in search of a pen and my cell phone.

* * *

**EPOV**

I sat at my desk, drumming my pen against the edge of my keyboard and debating internally. _She didn't scream or run away in fear . . . she didn't open the door either. Isabella._ I sighed quietly. _It's not _her_, Edward. Her reaction to the name itself is enough to tell you that._ I tried to swallow my disappointment before it dissolved into guilt. _Izzy, you need to concentrate on Izzy, Edward. Forget Bella._ It was easier said than done. I had managed to keep Bella from Tim, but eventually I was sure I would not be able to keep her secret much longer. _Especially if Tim wants to meet Izzy . . . He's been hinting._

Tim and I had talked at length about Izzy; about how and why she may have made the choices she did, about how abuse like what Jacob had done to her affected the victims. Tim's main advice had been to be gentle, understanding and just to listen; _all things I could use some work on._

My eyes darted to the phone. _You left her twenty minutes ago, Edward. She didn't say she'd call immediately!_ I pouted internally and was in the process of shaking my head at myself when Carol strode in.

"Yeah?" I rose as hope surged through me.

Carol gave me an odd look before saying, "Scott Kingston would like a meeting with you in five, Edward. I re-scheduled your two o'clock so you could do it."

My face fell only confusing Carol more. "Oh, all right." I reached for my suit jacket begrudgingly as Carol turned to go. "Oh! Carol?"

"Yes?"

"If, um, Miss Swan calls—" Comprehension dawned on that stern face.

"I'll let Mindy know—" she paused, "—or?"

"Nah, come get me. That would really fry Kingston's ass if I got pulled out of our meeting, huh?" I broke out into a grin as I pictured the look on Scott's face.

Carol fought the smile on her own face and shook her head. "Edward Cullen, I don't know what has gotten into you." She continued shaking her head as she strode out of the office.

Four and half minutes later, I gave Mindy, Scott's administrative assistant, a smile as she gestured me into the office. Scott Kingston, senior partner and all-around asshole was seated behind his enormous mahogany desk. Rumor has it the desk cost more than the annual salaries of half the mailroom staff.

"Edward, sit." This was about as warm a greeting as one got from Scott. He was a formidable man who was used to being obeyed, without questions and without delay.

I obeyed, settling down into one of the comfortable leather chairs opposite him. "What did you want to see me about?" The short notice of the meeting hadn't given me time to wonder about Scott's reasoning. Now, as Scott shuffled through a stack of folders before hollering at Mindy to fetch him a particular case file, anxiety began to creep in.

My unplanned hospital stay had cost me three days in the office. I obviously had a good reason, but it still looked bad. The actual circumstances were medically confidential, but terms like "suicide watch" and "antidepressants" floated around in my head while I waited for Scott. My heart began to accelerate, and the palms of my hands had grown sweaty by the time Mindy walked in, missing case file in hand.

"About time," Scott grunted, snatching the file from her. As she turned, I saw Mindy roll her eyes and had to stop myself from snorting. _Atta' girl._

"Edward, I have a case for you." Relief rushed through me, but I tried to remain nonchalant. "An old college buddy of mine, his son has errr . . . gotten into a spot of trouble." _Oh Jesus, "a spot of trouble" could mean anything. _"Anyhow, you passed the bar in New York, didn't you?" Not waiting for confirmation, Scott continued. "Van Housen will be up this afternoon to meet with us." The name sent a shot of fear through my heart. _Impossible. Shut up, Edward._ Scott didn't notice the change in my face as the blood drained from it; he merely continued rambling.

"I assume his son is coming as well. We're going to have a late lunch, and then we'll be back. Read this." He threw the case file at me as he rose. "Make yourself available at four, Edward, and—" he gave me a disparaging look, "—get your shit together. You'll be doing this as a personal favor to me. Don't fuck it up." He stared at me hard, gauging my reaction. I did my best not to give him one. "And change that tie." With that, he strode out of his office, leaving me in a state of shock.

"Jimmy, you old bastard! How ya been?" Panic ripped through me. _Nononononononono._ My lungs stopped working as I stood and turned towards the door Scott had just walked through. I didn't recognize the older gentleman he greeted, but he had a familiar, intimidating air about him. "Mindy, we'll be back in a few hours," Scott said before leading the other man towards the elevators.

_Maybe . . ._ Before I could finish the thought, a third younger man appeared through the gap of the partially opened door. His arrogant saunter was all-too familiar, and when he turned to give Mindy a wink before catching up with his companions, the glint in his eyes drew the air from my lungs. As James Van Housen III stepped onto the elevator, my strength left me. My knees hit the floor before I realized I was falling.

"Drink it." Carol was hovering over me like a mother hen as I sat in the waiting area outside my office. "Edward Cullen—" I obediently took a sip from the glass of water before she could finish her threat.

"I, I tripped." My mind was racing as I tried desperately to get control of my breathing.

"Bullshit. It was too soon. You should have taken the rest of the week. God, you were just in the hospital _yesterday_. Too soon," she muttered to herself. My eyes burned with unshed tears. _Eddie, whatcha' doing? Aw, the cwybaby's been cwying again._

I jumped when I felt Carol's cool hands on my neck. "You don't have a fever, but your heart is racing, Edward. Are you feeling all right?"

_He's here, he's here. _I flinched as phantom punches landed. Inhaling sharply at the memory of a distant pain, I opened my mouth to answer Carol. I meant to tell her I was fine, but she was on the phone before I managed to get anything out. I blinked, confused by how fast she had moved. When I realized she was mid-conversation, I immediately wondered how long I'd been lost in the past. _Your mother would rather be dead than with you . . ._ I winced as the cruel taunting from an age ago floated back to the forefront of my mind.

"Edward?" I glanced up and Carol had apparently finished her phone call and returned to my side. "Your sister is going to come pick you up."

"Alice?" Carol's words took a minute to register. "Wait, what?"

"Your sister, Alice, she's going to take a cab down here and drive you home. You should be in bed, Edward."

"No, I, I have a meeting." _Don't go! Don't go!_ The eight year old boy hidden inside screamed in terror, but he was fought by the man afraid to disappoint his superiors, afraid to fail. I began to shake again; violently this time as fresh images from a long ago childhood loomed over me.

"Edward?" Alice's cobalt blue eyes found mine. _She's here already?_ I glanced at the clock again and realized my initial meeting with Scott had ended almost forty minutes ago. _Get yourself under control,_ I ordered myself in vain. "Edward, what happened?"

"Nothing. I, I have a meeting." Alice's gaze darted to Carol.

"Edward, you need to go home." Alice's hand squeezed mine.

"I, I need to think." Stumbling to my feet, I headed for my office.

"Edward!" Both women called after me as I slammed the door behind me and locked it.

_Run, get out._

_ Stand up to him. Tell Scott to go fuck himself._

_ I can't!_

_ And if you don't take the case? _

_ I'm done._

_ So be done._

The idea, so simple it was almost elegant, danced before me. It brought forth a whole new sense of fear and apprehension though, and I couldn't even form the words in my head.

_Call Tim. _The far less drastic decision popped into my head, and it was one I was sure I wanted to do.

As if on cue, the phone rang, making me jump. When I saw the return number, I almost laughed out loud. _Alice and I must be on the same wavelength, and clearly, _she_ has Tim on speed dial._

Twenty minutes later, I had calmed down and, with Tim's help, convinced Alice to go home. Carol andI were sitting in my office; the clock ticked louder and louder as four o'clock loomed closer. I stared at the unopened file in front of me, while Carol looked at me, concern in her eyes.

"Edward?"

"Carol," I smiled at her sadly, "we've been working together for a few years, yeah?" Carol nodded. "Um, Scott has personally asked me to take a case that I—" my heart rate sped up and I had to pause a moment to fight for control, "—I can't take."

"Is . . . is that an option?" Carol asked.

I laughed softly. "I doubt it. That being said, I, um, I think I need some time to rethink my priorities." Carol waited patiently while I tasted my next words before saying them aloud. "I'm going to quit, I think. Take some time off, and . . . I don't know, maybe start my own firm." I shrugged and kept my eyes trained on the file.

When I finally met Carol's gaze, I was shocked to see she was smiling at me. "I think that is an excellent idea, Edward."

"You don't understand, Carol. If I quit, there's no guarantee that they'll find you another spot in the firm. You may lose your job." I realized suddenly, that this bothered me more than the thought of being jobless myself.

"Well, Edward, I think I'm long overdue for a vacation anyway. And when you start your own firm—which I know you will—I can't imagine you'll be any better at typing your own meeting minutes or answering your phone calls, or getting out of bed early enough to get your own coffee—"

"All right, all right!" I laughed in relief. "I get it, Carol, and you'll be the first person I hire when the time comes. _If_ the time comes, I suppose."

"_When._"

"You believe I can do this?" I asked, half jokingly but laced with a hint of desperation.

"I've always believed in you, Edward." Carol gave me motherly smile before rising. "I'll get some boxes from the mail room for our desks."

I watched her go, touched by her words. _I need you to know you're not alone. You have people—a family—who care about you._ Alice's heartfelt pleading came back to me,and for the first time, I began to realize that perhaps my family extended beyond just my sister.

This new awareness seemed to lighten the weight on my shoulders. A new strength flowed through me as I opened a new Word document on my computer and began typing something I could not assign to Carol: my resignation.

* * *

**Thank you. **

**By the way, Edward's quote is from Henry David Thoreau's **_**Journal.**_


	29. Chapter 28

**My sincerest gratitude to by beta team: Bee, V, & Choco. Love you, ladies!**

**In case you haven't heard yet, there's a book coming out in 9 days that is . . . . let's just say it's Fifty Shades of fabulous! Congrats, E! I can't wait to grab a copy. (Get yours on TWCS!)**

* * *

**Chapter 28**

**EPOV **

"Well? What do you think?" I held my breath as Carol did another read-through.

"It's perfect, Edward. It's very professional, and you did an excellent job—" she paused and glanced at me.

"What?"

"Keeping your emotions in check. I know that's not always easy for you," she finished quietly.

"You know me pretty well, Carol," I said just as quietly. "Almost better than I know myself it seems."

"You're learning." We both fell silent for several minutes. "Are you ready?" Carol finally asked. She glanced at the clock, and my gaze followed hers.

_Twelve minutes._ "Um, I . . ." I trailed off, unable to lie.

"You'll be fine."

"But he'll be there," I whispered before realizing that Carol had no idea who _he_ was. _James._ My heart rate spiked, and a wave of nausea overtook me. Fighting to regain control, I had to swallow the bile that flooded my mouth before I could speak. "I think I can do this." It was a complete and utter lie, but it did sound good.

"I _know_ you can."

A thought occurred to me, and, anxious for any distraction, I blurted it out. "You seem quite keen on me quitting."

Carol chuckled. "You're better than them, Edward. You're not one of these bloodsucking assholes," she said simply.

"But I've _been_ one of these bloodsucking assholes for so long, Carol. How could you possibly be so sure I'm not?'

"I just know. Call it women's intuition or something." She waved off any further argument from me. "So I have to chat with Mindy anyway. Shall I accompany you to Bloodsucking Asshole #1's office?"

Her casual tone elicited a grin from me, and I wondered briefly if that was how Carol always referred to Scott. _Eh, it fits . . . 'course that makes you Bloodsucking Asshole # 3—Stop._ Pushing back the negative thought, I rose swiftly. "That would be great. Thank you, Carol," I said, hoping she would know I truly meant it.

I picked up my resignation letter and put it back down again before inhaling deeply. Carol had made copies for Michael Noyes and HR as well. _I'll drop Mike's off on my way to Scott's office and then forward the other one to the head of Human Resources after my meeting with Scott._ I placed the extra copies on top of the original. _They don't line up_. I picked up all three copies and put them in a neat pile and then placed them back on the desk as carefully as possible. _Damnit. _I swore silently after knocking the pile off kilter. Reaching down, I picked the three letters up again and—

"Edward." Carol's gentle hand grasped mine. "It's okay. Let's go." She turned and headed out of the office, pausing in the doorway to wait for me. Nodding, I followed in silence. With my resignation and the unread case file in hand, I tried desperately to swallow the fear that had bubbled up.

_That wasn't so bad,_ I thought as I left Michael's office. He had said he was sad to see me go, given me a firm handshake, and wished me well. _Maybe . . . Ha. You won't get that from Scott, and if James is there—_ I tried to focus on anything that would distract me as we walked the last ten feet to Mindy's desk. Nothing came, save images of the now grownup James looming over an eight year old boy.

I opened my mouth to greet Mindy as we approached her desk, but nothing came out. "You can go right in, Attorney Cullen. He's waiting for you." Wanting nothing more than to beg Mindy, Carol, _anyone_ to save me, I nodded mutely.

"You'll be fine." I caught Carol's whisper as I walked past and was bolstered slightly by her comforting words. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door and walked into Scott's office.

"Edward." I saw Scott glance at the clock before disappointment briefly crossed his face. _No, I'm not late, Bloodsucking Asshole #1. Sorry for stealing your opportunity to berate me._ Scott gestured to a chair. As I crossed the office to have a seat, I kept my eyes anywhere but James. I focused instead on Scott and his banter with the two Van Housens,

_They're quite a fucking set._ As I watched the three of them, I realized how true it was. Scott, a man I had respected—_revered_ almost, or at the very least looked up to in a business sense—was nothing more than a schoolyard bully. Slowly my fear began to evolve into anger.

_Who the fuck is he to demand I take a fucking case? I am partner in this goddamn firm, and I worked my ass off to get here._ Before I realized what I was doing, I had stood. The room was suddenly silent, and three pairs of eyes fell on me. "Scott, a moment please?"

"Is it about another case?" The ice in Scott's eyes was matched only by his tone.

"No, not exactly."

"Well then, whatever it is you can say it in front of my friends." Scott leaned back in his chair, daring me silently to challenge him.

I took a deep breath in an unsuccessful bid to steady myself. "I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to take on this case."

"We can reassign your other cases, Edward." Scott turned back to the Van Housens, indicating he was done with the conversation . . . but I was not.

"It's not to do with my other cases."

Turning back to me, Scott sighed heavily, and the image of an angry bull pawing the ground flitted through my head. "Then what's the problem, Edward?" he asked, articulating each word as though he were speaking to a small child.

"I'm not taking the case," I replied, mimicking his tone.

"Look, man"—I froze in shock and terror as the monster rose and spoke to me—"it's no big deal. I'm innocent. I mean, look at me. I wouldn't hurt a fly. Besides the dumb bitch was asking for it."

"James, sit down," his father ordered sharply, but I was too distracted by what he had said. _The dumb bitch was asking for it? _An image of Izzy cringing on the floor, covered in bruises erupted inside me, and it was all I could do to keep from pummeling the bastard. _He's just like the son of a bitch who hurt my Isabella._

"No, Dad, it's all good. Edward, right? Anyway Edward, Scott was just telling me you're the best. You could get my ass off. I can't go to jail, man. I'm too pretty." I watched him laugh at the stupid fucking joke, but it was like I was watching the whole scene from above. A sudden pressure on my arm brought me back immediately, and I realized James had playfully punched me.

Gut reaction sent me into a defensive stance which brought Scott and James II to their feet. "Edward," Scott growled. He strode around the desk and grabbed my arm. As he dragged me forcefully to the corner of the office, his fingers dug sharply into my arm. "Cullen, I don't know what the fuck your problem is, but you are on very thin ice."

I tried to shake my arm from his iron grip, but he only tightened his grasp. "I'm not taking the case," I repeated, my fury matching his.

"You're burying yourself, boy. You'll be done here."

"I know." I held up my resignation with my free arm.

"What is tha—"

"Edward, you'd be well paid," the monster offered.

"I don't want your money." My voice sounded so calm it surprised me.

"Then do it for . . . moral reasons. Help me clear my name." _Jesus, Scott must have really talked up my abilities. James is friggin desperate._

I almost laughed out loud. "Help you? You want my fucking help?" Freeing myself and shoving Scott aside a little too forcefully, I strode over to James.

Rage surged through me as I finally stood eye to eye with the devil of my childhood. _He's short._ The first thought that occurred to me was a ridiculous one; the second gleeful as James took a nervous step back. _Now _he's _afraid of _me? I chuckled softly.

The demon held up his hands and gave an uneasy laugh. "Hey man, I told you. I didn't hurt anybody. I'm innocent."

"Innocent?" The absurdness of his words left me speechless for a moment. "You never hurt anyone." I scoffed quietly.

"Yeah. Scott says you're the best. I want you as my lawyer. I want you to get me out of this."

I swallowed hard and inhaled deeply, fighting for control over the fury that rippled through me. I finally managed to compose myself and a deep tranquility seemed to settle over me. The fear had all but gone and the anger was held completely at bay. I was in my element; ready to give my closing argument and finally condemn the man who had tortured me for so long. "You know what I wanted, James?"

"What? Whatever it is, it's yours."

I shrugged off my suit jacket and immediately James II and Scott took a step towards me. I held up my hand calmly. I surprised even myself with this newfound strength as I stood a mere foot from James. Un-tucking my dress shirt, I hiked it up above my ribs, showing off a pale three inch scar. The wound was old and jagged, but the pain of how I had acquired it remained unhealed. "I just wanted to be left alone, James. I wanted you to stop the beating _before_ you broke three ribs, one of which ended up being a complex fracture that pierced my skin and required eight stitches and a brace." Dropping my shirt, I propped my left leg up on Scott's ridiculously expensive desk. I pulled the leg of my trouser up to my knee, revealing several round scars, white as snow. "I wanted to be able to leave gym class without being permanently scarred by your soccer cleat. I wanted to be able to go into the bathroom without being tortured and beaten. I just wanted to be a normal kid, go to school and maybe pretend that life was okay and that my mom wasn't dead."

I stood back up and turned to face James. "I could go on. There are plenty more scars." My finger found the small one on the bridge of my nose. "This one is from when you broke my nose at recess. Or maybe that was Victoria; the details are a bit fuzzy. With you encouraging everyone to join in, it's hard to say who exactly did what."

James had gone pale. He opened his mouth to say something, but words had finally failed him.

"You know what else I want, James?"

I watched his Adam 's apple bob up and down as he swallowed hard. The fear in his eyes sent a thrill through me as he shook his head quickly.

I leaned in close, my eyes trained on his. He stiffened as I whispered, "I want you to know that I'm the only one who can save you . . . and I'm not going to."

His face went from ice white to a sickly shade of green as I straightened and gave him a pitiful smile. Retrieving my suit jacket, I turned and headed for the door. I stopped at Scott and thrust the resignation letter into his chest. "My resignation," I said curtly before heading out of the office and slamming the door behind me.

•••••

"Jesus, I have a lot of shit," I muttered as I reached for another box.

"Don't take the Lord's name in vain, and yes, you do." I looked up to see Carol standing in the doorway. A few strands had escaped from her normally impeccable bun, and her face looked softer.

"Has Scott released the hounds yet?"

"No, we still have nineteen minutes. How much do you have left?" Carol looked around my office, concern on her face.

"This is the last of it. I just have to start hauling it down to the car."

"Well, that's not too bad then. Listen, Edward . . ."

I looked up and was surprised to see Carol looking sheepish and worried. "Carol? Oh shit." I sighed heavily. "What?"

"I know you said that you wanted me to interrupt your earlier meeting if Ms. Swan called—" She gave me an apologetic look.

"Damnit." I dropped the book I was holding back onto the desk. "I missed her call."

"She dropped this off. I didn't think it should be left behind with the other case files, so I kept it aside." Carol handed me the envelope that I had spent half my lunch hour staring at. "I didn't think I should interrupt you," Carol said quietly.

The urge to cry suddenly overwhelmed me. "No, you were right, Carol. You usually are." I laughed weakly. "Today has been a long fucking day."

"It's almost over," she offered. I gave her a brief smile as she continued. "She did seem disappointed to miss you. She asked that I tell you she would call you tonight, if you didn't mind."

"She said that?" I could feel a grin spreading across my face. "Did she sa—" I broke off as Scott walked into my office. He had a fairly thick file in one hand, and I briefly wondered whether he planned on trying his hand at _begging_ me to take James' case. "Scott."

I saw displeasure cross his face. _I suppose he thinks I should address him as "Attorney Kingston" now._ I managed to contain my smirk. "Cullen." The hostile tone he used had always made me nervous, though it had rarely been directed at me whenever I heard it. This time, however, Scott's influence was easily deflected, and I responded with mere indifference.

"I dropped a copy of my resignation off to Jessie in HR. I presume it's all in order." I went back to packing up the last box.

"There's one more thing." I straightened, curious. _You'd like to check all the boxes? Make sure I didn't steal a paperclip or, God forbid, a stapler?_ I thought sarcastically. "I thought you should have this back." He handed me a file.

"I assumed all my cases would be transferred to other lawyers in the firm," I said, taking the manila folder. It didn't look familiar, but as I opened it and began flipping through it, I froze in horror.

"That isn't one of _your_ cases, Cullen. However with all that's going on, I'm afraid I won't be able to consider taking it on, so you can keep the file."

All the blood had drained from my face, and my mouth had gone dry as I looked up at him. "What if I stay?" I whispered. "If I take Van Housen's case?" The mere thought of setting James loose on the streets sickened me beyond anything I'd ever experienced, but I had to do something.

A malevolent smile spread across Scott's face. "Not even if you _won_ that case, Edward. I told you that you were done here, and you can take your little pet projects with you."

With that, he turned and strode out of the office, leaving me nauseated and Carol bewildered. I dropped into my chair and let my face fall into my hands. _What have you done?_

"Edward?" The alarm in Carol's voice was evident, but I couldn't even raise my head. _He was almost convinced. He would have taken it, if you hadn't fucked it up. _I didn't even have the energy to cut off the negative thoughts, so I sat there in silence, letting them wash over me.

"Edward? What is that?" Carol had moved to my side and quickly pulled the file from my hand.

Finally, knowing Scott would have me arrested if I was still on the premises after his deadline, I sat up. Sighing deeply, I said, "It's a case that I asked Scott to consider, as a favor. Apparently, he has now decided not to."

"Which case? It doesn't look familiar." Carol began flipping through the file. "I don't remember this one."

"It wasn't one of mine. It was just . . . a favor for a friend." I saw the moment Carol figured it out; the second her eyes fell on the name of the defendant. "It's the SeaCoast case."

* * *

**IPOV**

I left Edward's office disappointed. Carol, Edward's assistant, had been very kind and extremely apologetic about being unable to interrupt his meeting. Despite her assurance that Edward would be very upset at having missed me, I couldn't help but feel despondent on the taxi ride home.

The second I stepped out of the cab, the familiar wariness returned, and I rushed into my building. I didn't calm down again until I was back in my empty apartment with the deadbolt thrown. As I stood there, panting from my run up the stairs, my inner bitch reminded me of my earlier thought about therapy. Normally adverse to the idea of sharing my issues with others, I had to admit that I didn't like being scared all the time.

"Later," I muttered. I had one more thing to do. Knowing Charlie would be home soon, I took my cell phone into my bedroom and shut the door. After Edward had left, I had listened to Alice's messages over and over. The fear and pain in her voice brought me to tears every time, and certain phrases still echoed through my head now. _Unconscious, hospital, hypothermia? What happened?_

Taking a deep breath, I dialed Alice. _Alice is a friend. I should have been there for her. I failed both of th—_ "Hello?"

"Alice?" I managed to choke out despite the lump that had abruptly risen in my throat.

"Izzy? Are you okay? I thought—" She broke off, and as the sound of tears reached me through the phone line, I was overcome with guilt. My own lip began to tremble.

"Alice, I'm sorry! I should have called you back. I should have listened to your voice mails. I didn't, I—" I took a deep breath before finally admitting, "—I thought you'd hate me." Finally succumbing to tears myself, I waited for her to confirm my fears.

"Hate you? Izzy, why the hell would I _hate_ you? Because you had a fight with Edward?"

"He's your brother. He comes first."

"Izzy, it was just a fight. People in relationships fight. That's what they do."

"But—"

"It's not like you stabbed him with a kitchen knife or cut off his—"Alice stopped herself mid-sentence. "Well you know what I mean."

"Um, did someone threaten to cut off his . . ." I cleared my throat, and tried unsuccessfully to stop the giggles that were threatening to erupt.

"Let me tell you." Alice giggled. "There was this crazy girl at his prep school who—oh shit."

"What?"

"Edward has forbidden me to speak to you about him."

"Oh . . .why?"

Alice sighed. "Because he's Edward. So how are _you_, hon?"

"I'm . . . I don't even know."

"Spill," Alice said.

"No, I don't want to bother—"

"Spill." It had changed from a request to an order, and I obediently complied.

I took a deep breath. "I, I fucked everything up with Edward, and I don't know if I can fix it, and my dad's here and Jacob murdered somebody and I'm terrified to leave my apart—"

"What? Jacob what?"

I sighed deeply. "Yeah, I know. That's why my dad's here."

"Has Jacob bothered you since . . ."

"No and Edward is filing the restraining order today. Maybe it'll scare him off." False hope wove through my words.

"Maybe," Alice offered, but I could hear the fear and doubt in her voice. "And Izzy . . ."

"What?"

"I was just thinking. You know, if someone had _completely_ screwed things up with me, I wouldn't give them the time of day, much less file a restraining order for them."

"Alice, he was just being nice."

Alice snorted. "Hello, have you met my brother? He's not _nice_, Izzy! He likes you," she said, practically yelling the last part.

"Alice," I whispered, wishing it was true. "You don't know. His face, that night." I fell silent as tears threatened to invade.

"And I can't ask," she said quietly. Silence loomed between us. "But you could tell me. I mean, if you needed to talk about it."

Seizing the opportunity, I blurted out, "I left him. I ran off and left him standing there, Alice. He looked so . . . hurt. I." As sobs overtook me, I collapsed onto my bed. I lay there with the phone pressed to my ear, and my eyes trained on the flat, green orbs that stared back at me from my painting.

Alice waited till I had quieted before asking, "Why did you leave, Izzy?"

"He called me 'Bella' and then we were in his bedroom and the photo. He had a photo." Unable to explain, I fell silent.

"That's what Jacob called you, isn't it?" Alice's voice was barely audible.

"I should have told him, explained it."

"Izzy, you were scared."

"That's no excuse."

"Bullshit. Isabella, after half the things you told me about Jacob, it's a wonder you would even let yourself get close to _anyone_. Sweetie, he left scars on you that you have never let heal."

"But Edward—"

"Edward knows a lot about unhealed wounds and the damage they can cause, Izzy. I think he'd understand."

"He blames himself."

"Yeah he's good at that too. When's the last time you talked to him?" Alice asked hesitantly.

"He stopped by today."

"Really? Oh, babe, that's great!"

"I didn't let him in. We just talked through the door."

"Why?"

"I was scared, Alice. I just panicked."

"Was he mad?"

"No! That's the worst part; he completely blames himself."

"It sounds like there was a lack of communication on both sides."

I laughed weakly. "God, what are you and Edward in therapy _together_? He sounded fresh out of Psych 101 as well."

"Did he?" Alice sounded surprised and, for some reason, excited by my teasing.

"Yeah, why?"

"It means he's actually started listening to Tim. That's a good sign."

"Is Tim his shrink?"

"Yes. Mine too, actually."

_Alice is seeing a shrink too._ This brought back my early thoughts, and the idea began to dance around my head again. I wanted to ask Alice's opinion on therapy for me, but I couldn't find the words. Finally, I asked a question I wasn't sure she'd answer. "How did he end up in the hospital?"

I head Alice sigh deeply. "Izzy, I really think you should ask Edward that question."

"You're probably right," I admitted. "Oh dear, we've broken the rule."

"The first rule of Pricky Club is . . ." Alice joked.

As I lay there, the front door to my apartment opened and closed, and my heart took off like a frightened rabbit evading a fox. My breath caught in my throat and refused to go any further. My heart no longer seemed to beat; instead it hummed louder and louder in my ears, as though it would burst from my chest at any moment and fly off. _Take me with you, _I cried silently. The familiar squeak of the fourth floorboard reached my ears just as spots began to appear before my eyes.

"Izzy?" Alice and my father called my name simultaneously, and I quickly let out of a sigh of relief. The rush of oxygen returning to my system was followed immediately by a dizzy spell though, and I nearly fell off the bed.

"I'm on the phone in my room, Dad," I called, hoping he'd give me just a few more minutes of privacy.

Once I heard the refrigerator door, followed by the sound of a bottle being opened, I knew I was in the clear. "Listen, Alice, my dad's home."

"Okay, you'll call me tomorrow?"

"Sure."

"No, not 'sure'. I want a 'yes, I will call you, Alice, and I promise to never ignore your voicemails again'. Can I get that?"Alice demanded.

"Yes, Alice. I promise."

"Thanks, babe."

Sighing softly as I hung up, I made my way out to the kitchen where Charlie had opened the fridge again and was staring into with a sort of hopeful desperation on his face. "Hi, Dad. Don't worry. I'll get something together for dinner."

"Hey, Izzy." Charlie gave me a relief-filled smile and shut the fridge. "How was your day? Did you paint lots of stuff?"

I smiled softly. _At least he tries._ "Yeah, I worked on my painting a bit."

"Did, um, did you do anything else?" There was something in Charlie's voice that made me turn and look at him.

"Dad?"

Sheepishness flooded his features and his eyes dropped to the floor. "I had a patrolmen parked outside. He said you went out this afternoon. I wasn't spying, Izzy," he implored. "I just wanted someone to keep an eye on the building. Jacob's been here several times. There's a good chance he might—" Cutting himself off mid-sentence, Charlie immediately became fascinated with label on his beer bottle.

_Come back looking for me,_ I finished Charlie's sentence silently "It's okay, Dad. I just went to see . . . my attorney."

"You have an attorney?" Charlie looked up at me in surprise, the beer bottle forgotten.

"Yeah, sort of. He filed my restraining order against Jacob today, so—"

"Good," Charlie said gruffly. "I'm surprised that hadn't already been done."

"There were some . . . complications with the paperwork." _Yeah, like you were too much of a wuss to file it,_ my inner bitch grumbled. Eager for a subject change, I opened the fridge door. "Um, chicken nuggets and sweet potato fries for dinner?"

"Sweet potato fries?" Charlie spoke each word as though he was tasting it.

"Yes, they're delicious, and better for you, I think."

"Healthy French fries?" Charlie stared at me skeptically.

"They're still fries, Dad. No worries; they're not _that_ healthy. Here's the healthy part." I thrust a bag of Romaine at him, allotting the task of salad-making to his care.

After putting the food in the oven, I excused myself leaving Charlie to the game and another beer. Sneaking back into my room with my cell phone, I scrolled to Edward's number and stared at it.

"Just do it, Isabella," I implored. Biting my lip, I dialed Edward.

"Izzy?" My breath caught in my throat again as my name flowed from his lips. _He has me a speed dial!_ I squealed silently.

"Hi, Edward," I said softly.

"I'm sorry I missed you." His voice was equally low.

"You had to work. It's not your fault."

He laughed. "Actually I was quitting my job."

"You quit? The firm?"

"Yeah. It was . . . long overdue."

"Wow, what are you going to do?"

"I'm not sure. I was thinking about starting my own firm. I have a buddy down in New York who I went to law school with. I figured I'd pay him a visit."

_He's leaving? _"You're going to New York?" I couldn't stop the disappointment that saturated my voice. I bit down hard on my lip to keep it from trembling.

"Not for a few more days." There was a desperate sort of pleading in his voice, and I wondered if he would miss me as I would miss him. My inner bitch took the opportunity to remind me that not six hours before, I had been given a chance to see Edward and not taken it.

"Oh," was all I could come up with.

"I, I'd like to see you before I go, if . . . you're all right with that."

"I should have let you see me today."

"No, Izzy, it's okay. I pushed you further than you were ready to go. I understand why you freaked out. I read—" He broke off.

"Read what?" I asked perplexed. Edward fell silent on the other end of the phone. "Edward?"

"I read the full police report from the night he attacked you, Izzy." Shame blazed me, and I felt a familiar heat splash across my cheeks.

I opened my mouth to respond, to tell him it was okay, but I could not find my voice. Edward found his first. "Izzy, I'm sorry. I needed information for the restraining order, but . . . I should have asked you. I shouldn't have invaded your privacy like that." He swore under his breath. _He's blaming himself for this now too._

"No! It's okay," I said as shameful tears seemed to burn their way down my face. "You, you knew a lot of it anyway, right?"

"Still, I should have asked. It was a breach of trust." _Kind of like you discussing him with Alice even after she told you she wasn't supposed to, _my inner bitch asked reproachfully.

"Edward, I spoke to Alice today." I bit my lip hard as I sought the words.

"Good, I'm"—he sounded hesitant—"glad you two are talking again."

"She wouldn't tell me what happened . . . _after_ that night; only that you ended up in the hospital. I—" I broke unsure of how to ask. I wanted to ask if it was my fault. What came out instead was, "What happened?"

The sound of a deep sigh filtered through the phone. "I was . . . in a bad place and I overreacted after you left."

"It's my fault. I shouldn't have left. Edward, I panicked and—you ended up in the hospital and it's entirely my fault," I whispered.

"No, it's mine. Izzy, I've been treading a very fine line for a very long time, and my choices finally caught up with me. I've been learning a lot about myself lately with help from Tim."

"Your psychiatrist?"

"Um, yeah." Edward laughed softly. "It still feels strange to say that to people. I don't know. I feel like I shouldn't admit it. Stupid, I guess."

"No, I understand. I was actually thinking of—" I dropped off, unable to finish. _Edward just admitted _he _is in therapy. Why is it so hard for you to consider?_

"It'd be good for you, Isabella," Edward said, answering my unfinished question. "I know you're scared, and I know what it's like to live in fear, sweet—um, Izzy. You don't want to live like that, do you?"

I swallowed hard as a lump formed in my throat. "No," I whispered. Edward exhaled sharply as I began to weep, but he remained silent as I cried.

"Izzy, I think you would definitely benefit from it, and though I know I sound a bit hypocritical, it's nothing to be ashamed of." He whispered something then that sounded like, "I wish I could hold you."

Even as my heart leapt, I cried harder. "Izzy, if you need some suggestions, Tim could probably put you in touch with someone," Edward offered gently.

Finally my tears began to subside, and I heard several soft notes coming through the phone. "What are you listening to?"

"Nice change of subject," Edward said dryly. An image of him rolling those beautiful green eyes flickered through my mind and made me smile, despite the fact that my cheeks were still damp with tears. "I'm actually not listening to anything. I was just—" He paused.

"Just . . ." I encouraged.

"Just playing around on my piano."

"You're playing again," I cried softly. His simple declaration sent a rush of joy through me. "Good, I'm glad, Edward. I mean it."

"Me too, actually. I've missed it. Oh, Izzy, I should admit that I saw you today."

"What? When I was at your office?"

"No, when I stopped by your apartment. I saw you bidding your father goodbye. I passed him in the hallway."

"Oh, God." My mind went blank with horror as I pictured the scrubby yoga pants and hoodie that I'd been living in for two days. Granted, I had cleaned up before going to Edward's office but before that . . . _And my hair? It looked horrid this morning!_

"What?" Edward's voice was laced with panic.

"I, I overslept and I hadn't showered and I was working on a project and I didn't want to mess up my good clothes and it's been kind of hectic with my father here and—"

Edward cut me off with a relief-filled laugh. "Izzy, stop! You looked incredible and . . . uh, paint-covered."

_Oh crap._"Yeah, I was—"

"Painting," Edward finished for me.

"Um, yes."

"Good. I wish I could tell you how happy that makes me." His tone was genuine, and a sort of warmth trickled through me at his words.

"So I guess we both kept our ends of the bargain, yes?"

"Oh, I don't know. This"—more notes filtered through the phone—"could be a CD. How do you know it's me playing?"

I laughed. "I trust you." The words flowed so easily from my mouth, I immediately wondered at their truthfulness.

"No, I think we'll each have to prove it. Heck, that could have been spaghetti sauce or something and not paint on your arm." I blushed fiercely as I realized Edward wanted to _see_ my painting.

"So you'll play for me?"

"And you'll show me your painting?"

"It's not done," I quickly pleaded.

"That's okay, Isabella." His voice was so gentle, I nearly believed him.

"All right," I whispered reluctantly. "When?"

"Saturday?"

"Until Saturday then."

"Until Saturday," he repeated.

"Good night, Edward," I said breathlessly.

"Good night, Isabella. Sweet dreams."

**Thank you.**


	30. Chapter 29

**Much love to my betas. **

**Happy early Father's Day to all the dads out there. There is little that is more beneficial to a child's upbringing than a strong male role model. **

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Chapter 29**

**Edward POV**

I groaned and mimed banging my head on the lid of my piano. "Damnit, this is impossible!" Three hours in, I still hadn't perfected the piece I had to chosen to play for Izzy. Even worse, my hands were starting to hurt; I hadn't done this in years.

I took a deep breath and started again. "Fuck! You've fucked up the same goddamn note _again_!" I slammed my hands down on the keys, sending a deafening clamor reverberating around the room.

"I think it sounded beautiful." I jumped as Alice's voice reached me from the stairs.

Spinning on the piano bench, I found her sitting at the top of the stairwell. "How long have you been sitting there?"

"Awhile," Alice replied as she rose. I cocked an eyebrow at her before turning back to the piano. "You need to go easy on yourself, Edward. You're doing great." She wrapped her arms around me and rested her chin on the top of my head.

Leaning back against her, I sighed heavily. "It needs to be perfect," I whispered.

"Nobody's perfect, hon. Give yourself a break. Play something else." She squeezed me gently before taking a seat beside me.

"Like what?"

"Anything. Something you used to play for . . ." Alice trailed off.

"For Mom?" I asked quietly.

"Yeah," Alice said softly.

Various movements and opera fluttered through my mind, but I knew which song was the one before I could even finish listing all my choices. Closing her eyes and leaning into my shoulder, Alice gave a soft cry as she recognized the first few notes.

I felt my aggravated heart rate begin to slow and my breathing even out as the melancholy notes of _Moonlight Sonata_ echoed through the room. My mother, my beautiful mother had called the song her "reset button". No matter what was going on or how she felt, when she sat and listened to me play, she said the whole world felt right again.

Memories of her: her soft smile, her gentle laughter, the way she smelled of lilacs, the way her velvet hair had brushed against my small cheek whenever she had held me; these images flooded my mind bringing back with them the grief that still consumed me. I poured that grief into each and every note, allowing my mind to get lost in Beethoven's masterpiece.

By the time the last note had faded, Alice and I both had watery eyes. "_That_ was perfect," she whispered, wrapping her arm around mine. I rested my head on top of hers, and we both sat there, grieving our lost mother together.

"That's what you need to do, Edward," Alice said, breaking the long silence that had grown between us.

"You think I should play Beethoven?"

"No. When you were playing _Moonlight Sonata_, you _felt_ it, you know? With the other piece, you're just pushing keys; you need to _feel_ the music. Make it real. Don't worry about perfection. Concentrate on getting the message across. Do you know what I mean?"

"Yeah, yeah, I think I do." The lyrics of the piece I had chosen came back to me. _You're not going to sing, Edward. The lyrics don't matter._ Try as I might, I could not convey any other message than the one written into the piece. "All right," I said sighing deeply and rearranging my sheet music.

"No." Alice reached over and closed the piano lid. "You can work on it some more later, Edward. You should get out of the house. Get some fresh air or something."

"But—"

"Nope. Come on. You need a break." Alice rose and pulled me to my feet.

"What am I going to do? I don't have a TV anymore." I silently cursed at having been too lazy to run to the mall and get a new set for the almost recovered living room.

"Go for a walk." Alice flashed me a smile as bright as the sun; it did not brighten my mood.

"Walk?"

"Yes, Edward, a walk. Occasionally some people need to get from place to place, and they don't have an $80,000 car to take them. Walking is one way to do that." I gave her my best "not amused" look, but she ignored it. "Come on. It's nice out. Well it's sunny."

"But it's cold," I whined.

"It's crisp."

"It's _cold_."

"Yeah, well you're the one who wanted to live in Maine," Alice reminded me as she bounded down the stairs.

"Walking isn't fun," I called after her before following reluctantly.

"It's good for you," she countered.

"Oh, so you'll be accompanying me then?"

She paused in her rummaging of my coat closet to give me a sheepish look. "Well, no."

"Hey listen there, _gander_—"

"I'm going out too. I just want to make sure you don't spend the rest of your day sitting at that damn piano. You need to take a breather for awhile, Edward, and I won't be home this evening to make sure you do."

"You're going out for the evening?" A sudden feeling of helplessness overwhelmed me. With the exception of my one day back at work before I had quit, Alice had stayed with me the entire time since—_that._ I still had not been able to bring myself to say the words _attempted suicide_ aloud or even whisper them in my mind. Pushing the thought aside, I sought for some excuse to keep her home. "Who's going to cook dinner?"

Alice placed her hands on her hips and gave me a disparaging look. "Edward Anthony Cullen, you survived here for ten years without starving to death. I think you'll make it one evening on your own. Besides, there are leftovers in the fridge. Just put them in the microwave. It's the green button."

Too troubled to give her a disparaging look, I tried my puppy dog eyes instead. "You don't want to go for a walk with me?"

"I'd love to, sweetie, but I have plans."

"With who? Jasper went home." I paused and a disturbing thought occurred to me. "He _did_ go home, didn't he? I'm not being _s-exiled_, am I?"

Alice snorted and handed me my long wool jacket. "No, you are not being s-exiled, Edward." She shook her head. "I'm . . . I'm going to go hang out with Izzy." She paused to gauge my reaction.

"Oh . . . okay."

"_Are_ you okay with that?" she asked quietly.

"Yeah."

"Are you sure?"

I paused, unsure of how to answer. _Izzy needs Alice. You can't take away that friendship._ "Izzy said you refused to tell her about . . . that night."

"You asked me not to, Edward, and that's your story to tell. We did talk—" she paused and looked at me with uncertainty in her eyes, "—about you a little. Izzy was worried. I just told her you were okay and that you didn't hate her."

"Hate her? Why would I hate her?" I stared at Alice, perplexed.

Alice opened her mouth but closed it again almost immediately. "That would be _her_ story to tell _you_, Edward."

I nodded. "I'm sorry you've ended up in the middle, little bat. I never meant for that."

"I know, but I love you both, so I'm okay with middleman. Well, middle_woman._" Outside a car horn blared. "That's my cab."

"You're wearing something warmer than that, aren't you?" I said sternly, adopting my big brother tone of voice.

"Yes, _Edward_." She shook her head again before pulling her own coat out of the closet.

"Well, you're . . . dressing for two," I muttered.

"That doesn't even make sense, you goober." Alice giggled and kissed me on the cheek. She adopted a serious tone then, and looked at me hard. "You'll get of the house for a bit, Edward, and clear your head?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"And you call me if you need anything."

"Yes."

"I mean it, Edward. _Anything._ Promise?"

"Promise," I said quietly.

"I love you." Alice smiled up at me before wrapping her arms around me.

"Love you too, little bat."

I watched her leave and then threw my jacket on and grabbed my house keys. The air was crisp and cool, but a light snow had fallen during the night. The city of Portland sparkled under an alabaster blanket.

Surprised by the beauty that had surrounded me and gone unnoticed for years; I wandered further and longer than I had planned. Truthfully, I had only planned to walk around the block to appease Alice, but she had been right about the fresh air.

I felt renewed as I climbed the stairs to the first floor of my town house. "I can do this," I muttered to no one in particular. Determined to perfect Izzy's song, I bounded up the remaining steps to the second floor.

As I threw my coat on one of the dining room chairs, a deep voice from the living room made me stop in my tracks. "You know, you really should get a TV. The place is kind of lame without one."

I spun around to find a dark-haired man sitting on my couch. He had a beer in one hand and was flipping through a magazine with the other. "Who the fuck are you?" I asked, though I was fairly sure I already knew.

"I think the question is: who the fuck are _you_?" The man stood and I was momentarily taken aback by his height. He had five inches on me, at least. Hatred filled the dark brown eyes that were glowering at me.

"I am the owner of the townhouse that you just broke into, dipshit, and I will be happy to press charges. I should warn you I know the prosecuting attorney for Portland very well." I neglected to mention that said attorney hated me because I had defeated him in court numerous times.

The man gave a short laugh. "Here I thought you were the son of a bitch who's been fucking my girlfriend, but you look like a smart guy. You don't have a death wish, do you buddy?"

Ice tore through my veins. I fought the urge to tackle the monster who stood before me. Settling for just clenching my fists, I replied, "If you are referring to Isabella, you are sorely mistaken."

"Oh!" Jacob tossed the magazine back onto my coffee table. A phony smile crept slowly across his lips. "So you're not dating my Isabella then?"

_Dating _your _Isabella?_ The frost in my blood was quickly replaced with the heat of fury. I straightened and nearly growled. "I meant you were mistaken about her being _your_ girlfriend," I said through gritted teeth.

A sinister shadow crossed Jacob's face, and he took a step towards me. _Fuck._ Closer inspection revealed the bulging muscles under his ratty Seattle Community College sweatshirt. _What did he major in? Lifting elephants?_ Well aware that my living room would not again survive even the briefest of scuffles, I tried to discreetly reach my phone in my jacket pocket. I managed to blindly unlock the stupid thing and hit one button before Jacob caught on.

I watched his gaze trail down my arm to my hidden hand and then back up. Our eyes locked for the briefest of seconds, and then he lunged.

* * *

**Alice POV**

Izzy and I sat at the bar in her kitchen eating our Chinese takeout. Izzy had sent her father off to watch the football game with a few new friends from the station, so we could have the apartment to ourselves. Despite the excellent company and delicious smell of MSG that wafted throughout the room, I merely picked halfheartedly at my dinner. "Is it okay?" Izzy looked at me with worry in her eyes. I gave her a weak smile.

"It's great, really. I'm just—"

"Worried about Edward," she finished softly. I nodded. "Why don't you call him?"

"It's barely been two hours. He'll think I'm checking up on him."

Izzy smirked. "You are!"

"Yeah, but it's better if he doesn't know that."

Izzy gave me a sympathetic smile. "He's, um, coming over tomorrow." A soft blush spread across Izzy's cheeks, and her eyes immediately dropped to the takeout container in front of here.

"You didn't tell me that!" I couldn't help the grin that spread across my face.

The flush on her cheeks grew deeper as she stammered, "He wants to see my painting. We had this deal . . . well it's silly I guess."

"Tell me," I urged.

"Well, I promised him I would start painting again if he would start playing the piano again. It's lame, but—"

"No, that's great, Izzy. Really. Edward hasn't played in years. He has this thing about music. I don't know. It's like an outlet for him, you know?" When she nodded, I continued. "And I think an outlet—a _healthy _outlet—is exactly what he needs right now. I didn't know you were one who got him playing again. Thank you." Reaching over, I squeezed her hand, and she smiled in response.

"And you,"—I pointed my plastic fork at her—"need an outlet as well, so I'm glad you're painting again, Izzy. I won't ask to see it though because I know how self-conscious you are." Her shoulders sagging in relief confirmed my suspicions.

"Thanks," Izzy said quietly before catching her lip in her teeth. Her dark brown eyes were fretful as she contemplated whatever worried her.

When it reached the point where I was surprised she hadn't drawn blood from the poor lip, I finally butted into her silent musing. "Izzy, what is it?"

"It—the painting—isn't finished. It's really just me dabbling. It's not perfect. It's not even that good."

I rolled my eyes. "God, you two are a pair."

"What?"

"Nothing, look, Edward is not some museum curator or art critic, hon. He just wants to share this with you. You've put your heart and soul into that painting." I waited for her to nod in agreement before continuing. "Then that's what he wants to see, Izzy. The boy is mad about you. He just wants to know you better. He's not looking for a freaking Da Vinci."

"You think?"

"Yes, now listen—" I broke off as my phone rang. "It's him. Hold on a sec, hon. Hello?" I waited for a response but none came. "Hello? Edward?"

The distinct sound of glass shattering pierced me to the core. I caught the words "stupid" and "son of a bitch" in Edward's gruff voice before more sounds of destruction reached my ears. There was a click and then loud beeping before a recorded voice told me I had been disconnected. _Not again!_ Various images of Edward lying in a pool of blood flitted through my mind.

"Alice! Alice!" I didn't realize I had been holding my breath, until Izzy shook me back to the present. "What's it? What's wrong?" she demanded when I finally awoke to her hands gripping my upper arms. "Alice, please! What's wrong with Edward?"

"I, I don't know. It sounded like, I shouldn't have left him. Oh God, if he . . ." Unable to complete a sentence, I barely managed to thwart tears. "I need to go home." I rose swiftly. "Oh God, I need a cab . . . and my coat, and my purse. I can't—" I spun uselessly trying to remember where my things were. All the while, pictures of Edward bombarded me. The memory of him on the living room floor, blood gushing from his hands came back to me then, and a darkness in the back of my mind showed me a bright splash of scarlet as a despondent Edward dragged a jagged piece of glass across his wrist.

"No!" _I can't lose him too! _My voice was barely audible as the tears overwhelmed me. I felt strong arms wrap around me and pull me back into a chair.

"Alice, take a deep breath." Izzy waited patiently while I fought off the demons in my head until I had gotten control of myself. Silent tears still spilled down my cheeks, but I could breathe somewhat normally and could focus on Izzy's words. "Tell me what Edward said. Tell me what happened."

"A cab," I said again, trying to rise. Izzy pushed me back down.

"I called. They'll be here in 5 minutes."

"Five minutes . . ." I repeated softly. _Too late, too late, too late. Oh God, please._

"Alice," Izzy pressed gently.

"He, he didn't say anything. He just, I heard glass breaking and . . . he's just so hard on himself, and his temper—" I broke off as a fresh wave of tears washed over me.

"Maybe he pocketdialed you or—"

"No, he was angry, very, very angry. I have to go!" I pleaded.

"Well, the cab's on its way. We can wait in the lobby." She handed me my coat before retrieving her own.

"We?"

"Yes, we. I'm coming with you." Grateful, I did not protest.

Six hellish minutes later, we climbed into the cab, and I gave Edward's address to the cabby in a shaky voice. Izzy gripped my hand tightly for the duration of the drive. My brain raced faster than the cabby (after Izzy had promised him a large tip). _He was doing so much better! He was making progress. What happened? I shouldn't have left him. Tim said—_

I gasped and Izzy turned to me quickly. Grabbing my cell phone, I quickly dialed Tim's hotel number. I tried to explain what had happened and what I thought was going on. Tim agreed to meet me at the townhouse immediately.

As we pulled up to the curb in front of Edward's house, dread crept over me. The third floor was dark and only one light shone on the second floor. Izzy paid the cabdriver and followed me up onto the porch. I froze with the key in the lock as the terror took control.

The sound of something large crashing to the floor spurred me to action. Almost snapping Edward's spare key in my haste, I burst through the door and into the stairwell. "Edward!" I raced up the stairs, Izzy at my heels.

The remains of the living room were barely recognizable. _Oh God._ We both stared at the wreckage in silence. The only thing that remained fairly whole was the couch. The cushions were scattered and there was a dark stain on one arm, but the frame itself remained unscathed. My eyes caught on the stain. It looked fresh, damp. I refused to even think the word that tried to creep into my mind.

_Find him,_ I ordered myself. The distinctive sound of flesh meeting flesh reached us from the stairwell to the third floor.

"Edward!" Izzy and I cried in unison as my brother reappeared on the landing. He fell hard slamming into the wall, and I caught a glimpse of his bloody and bruised face before he crumpled to the floor.

A dark haired man suddenly appeared beside Edward. He landed several swift kicks to Edward's barely conscious body before I found my voice to scream at him. "Stop! Stop it! Leave him alone!"

As the man turned to face me and Izzy, his eyebrows went up in surprise. His eyes lingered on Izzy as she gasped audibly. Turning to look at her, I saw all the blood had drained from her face. Her ashen face was set off by her wide molasses eyes, brimming with horror.

"Hello, Izzy. You came to rescue your boyfriend." My legs slowly turned to cement as I realized the man standing in the stairwell was Jacob. "And you brought a friend." Disgust turned my stomach as Jacob looked at me with greedy eyes and licked his lips. "What's your name, pretty little thing?"

"No," Edward groaned from where he lay prostrate on the floor. He tried to rise but whatever strength he possessed had already fled. Jacob ignored him. Harsh tears reached my eyes; I wondered how long this brute had beaten my brother.

As Jacob stepped down off the landing, I heard Izzy's breathing near hyperventilation. "Leave Izzy alone." The sound of my own voice shocked me. Jacob stopped and considered me for a moment. For that brief wonderful moment, I almost thought he would agree and just leave.

The bloodthirsty grin that spread across his face quickly dashed any dreams of getting out of this easy. I stepped in front of Izzy and tried my best to look like the fiercest 104 pound, 5 foot, pregnant woman that I could.

"Looks like we got two women here who also need to be taught a lesson, Eddie. Don't worry; you stay right there, and I'll put 'em straight." Jacob laughed cruelly and took another step down towards us.

"No!" I saw Edward grab blindly at Jacob's leg, just managing to catch a handful of pant leg. He couldn't hold onto it long but it was enough to trip Jacob up. As the larger man tumbled down the stairs, Edward cried, "Go!"

Izzy and I both froze in horror as Jacob landed at our feet. Luckily, he was momentarily winded and I pushed Izzy towards the stairs down to the street, eager to get out and find help for my brother. Izzy sidestepped me and pushed me ahead of her.

I paused partway down the stairs when I realized Izzy hadn't followed me. "What are you—"

"No," Izzy said quietly. "I can't, I . . . I'm tired of running." Her eyes pleaded with me to understand. I nodded dumbly, unsure of what she could do against the Titan that had already defeated my brother.

"You know we're meant to be together." Jacob groaned as he sat up. He reached for her, but Izzy scooted out of his range. "You love me."

"I never loved you." Izzy's voice was low but strong.

Unwilling to leave the two of them but sure Jacob would kill all of us if I didn't find someone to stop him, I hesitated a second too long. As I moved to flee for help, Jacob's massive hand wrapped around my wrist. He easily and swiftly hauled me back up the three steps I had managed to make towards freedom. I gasped as I felt my wrist pop. Jacob flung me to the floor at the foot of the stairwell where Edward still lay, seemingly unconscious. Tears begin to flow again as I cradled my throbbing wrist.

Jacob loomed over me, and I flinched as he morphed into Felix in my mind. "Leave her alone!" Izzy's voice echoed throughout the room. "You're mad at me, Jacob. Don't you lay a fucking hand on her."

The fear that had filled her face had vanished. An unsteady determination had replaced it, and, in usual Izzy fashion, she was chewing mercilessly on her bottom lip. She clung to the small black purse that still hung loosely on her shoulder like it was a life preserver, and she swayed slightly as Jacob turned his attention back to her.

"You got something to say, bitch?" Jacob took a step towards Izzy, and, to her credit, she did not step back.

"Yeah, I do." Her voice wavered but she stood her ground.

"What did I teach you about talking out of turn, you fucking slut?"

"I'm not a slut." Izzy's voice dropped a level, and her eyes fell to the floor.

"You think I didn't see the way you ogled all the guys back home? And now you're fucking this faggot? Is he a good lay, Izzy? Does he whisper nice things in your ear and tell you that you're not the disgusting skanky piece of trash we all know you are?" Jacob crept closer as he goaded her.

"I didn't—we never . . ." Izzy threw up an arm in defense. Jacob grabbed it and had twisted it out of his way before she could even cry out in pain at his iron grip.

"I never looked at anyone, Jake. I would never cheat on you, Jake," he mocked. Izzy opened her mouth to protest and Jacob twisted her arm further.

"Stop!" I cried, terrified he would snap her thin, pale arm like kindling. They both ignored me.

"You gave it up to everyone else. It's about damn time I got some," Jacob snarled, pulling Izzy flush against him.

"Never," Izzy whispered fiercely.

Jacob had just enough time to open his mouth to laugh before Izzy's free hand dropped her purse and reached for his face. I didn't understand what had happened as Jacob fell, shrieking, at Izzy's feet. The clank of an empty mace can hitting the floor finally clued me in.

Izzy looked down at her tormentor frozen in horror for nearly a minute. As Jacob began to recover, he struggled to his knees. The movement made Izzy snap out of her trance and scream. She frantically looked around her and spotted the remains of one of the dining room chairs. Grabbing the splintered wood and spinning, she swung wildly. The crack of the chair leg hitting Jacob's temple made me queasy, but I knew he would not be getting back up after that one.

Confident that Jacob was down for the count, Izzy collapsed on the floor, sobbing. I reached for her and she crawled to my side. We sat there shaking and crying before Edward's groan interrupted us.

We scurried up the stairs to where he lay, broken. "Oh God, oh God, oh God," Izzy whispered as her finger traced the blood trails on his face. I cradled his head gently.

"Izzy, an ambulance. We need an ambulance."

"There's one on the way." The voice made us spin, and I almost burst into tears of relief as Tim stepped over the unconscious body of Jacob. "Are you two okay?" When we both nodded, Tim turned his attention to Edward. I heard him curse quietly and shake his head.

I refused to let go of my brother while Tim checked his pulse. When the cops and EMTs finally arrived, I insisted on riding with Edward to the hospital. Izzy wanted to go with us, but her father had gotten word of what happened and rushed over. He refused to let anyone else drive his daughter. For the second time in a week, I headed for CMMC, terrified for my brother.

* * *

**Edward POV**

The ambulance ride and the subsequent three hours of x-rays and tests and police interviews passed in a haze. The weight of the evening didn't settle fully on my shoulders until Izzy walked into my hospital room, her wrist in a brace and her pale face still tear-streaked.

"Hey, how are you?"

"Me?" Izzy asked incredulously. She sounded dangerously close to crying again.

"Yes, you. I wasn't fully coherent, but I vaguely recall you telling that fucker off, and I'm told you maced him too." I chuckled but stopped abruptly as pain shot through my side.

"Yeah," Izzy whispered, and I was pleased to see some color return to her porcelain cheeks.

"Please tell me they caught the bastard." She nodded, and I breathed a sigh of relief.

"He's being extradited back to Washington in the morning. My father is going to personally escort him."

"Are you okay with that?" I asked quietly. "With your father leaving, I mean."

Izzy's bottom lip found its way back between her teeth. I reached for her instinctively and her hand found mine. She smiled as I squeezed it gently. "I wish he could stay a bit longer, but I know he wants to personally lock Jacob up."

Sadness clouded her features as she glanced down at my bruised knuckles. "Detective Longmont said—" Izzy paused and looked uneasy, "—she said that Jacob said you egged him on. I suppose he'll say that Alice was doing the same. He's such a. . . Never mind. I shouldn't—"

"I did egg him on."

She looked up in shock. "Edward, why? He could have killed you. He might have if, if Alice and I—" She shook her head, unable to complete her sentence.

I sighed heavily. "He said that he was going to find you when he was done with me. I just wanted to keep him occupied. I hoped to get the cops involved before he could get to you. I planned to dial 911, but apparently my phone dialed Alice instead. I'm sorry. I wish you hadn't been forced to deal with that."

"Edward, you have nothing to apologize for." Tears were streaming down her face. "This is my fault, all of it."

"Don't!" I ordered sharply. Izzy started at my tone but her surprise halted the tears. I pulled her closer. "This is his fault, and no one else's. You've cried enough tears because of this asshole. No more, Izzy." I swept my thumbs gently across her cheeks, drying them.

For too short a moment, we got lost in each other's eyes. I wanted nothing more than the taste of her lips pressed to mine, the warmth of her body flush against me.

"What the fuck are you doing in my hospital _again_?" Emmett stormed into the room, and Izzy and I broke apart as he tossed a clipboard on my bed. I winced as it bounced off a rather tender knee.

"Hello, Emmett." Izzy smiled softly.

"Hey, sweetie. How are you?" Emmett gave Izzy an award-winning smile before turning back to me. "I repeat, Cullen, what the fuck are you doing here? Did I not tell you" —he glanced at his watch— "_forty-eight_ hours ago that I did not want to see you in here again. And now you're what? Taking on biker gangs?"

"He took down a murderer," Izzy announced solemnly.

Emmett and I both turned to stare at Izzy, and a rush of warmth filled me as Izzy stared defiantly at Emmett on my behalf. Emmett recovered first. "A murderer, huh? I'm pretty sure there was a clause in the 'no more emergency room trips' contract about taking on murderers."

"Yeah, well I'm a damn fine lawyer. If there's a loophole, I'll find it," I replied dryly.

"Clearly." Emmett shook his head. "Well, this time you have 4 cracked ribs; a dislocated shoulder, which—thanks to the fact that _I _am a damn fine _doctor_—has been relocated; a broken nose; and a ridiculous number of bumps and bruises. It looks worse than it is."

"Are you making me stay the night?" I asked dreading the answer.

"I think I have made myself pretty damn clear that you are not to come back here, so as soon as your sister returns with some clothes for you, I'm kicking you out. No more emergency rooms for you, doctor's orders. No murderer-fighting, no swimming, no boxing with televisions and no bowling for at least six months."

I nodded in relief. "Yes, sir."

Emmett paused thoughtfully on his way out. "In fact now that I think back, Edward, you may just want to forget about bowling permanently."

"Get out." I shook my head as Izzy laughed beside me. The sound of her laughter lifted my heart, but I had another confession to make. "Izzy, there's something I have to tell you."

Izzy's face grew solemn and there was a trace of fear in her beautiful eyes. She nodded mutely and propped herself up on the edge of my hospital bed.

"I—" Breaking off, I took a deep breath and tried to silence the harsh voice in my head. "I've spent the past few weeks gathering information about your company's case and about Seacoast Publishing and Arbitrary House. I was thinking about what you said, about Scott taking the case on as a—forgive the term—charity case. I nearly had him convinced; they even met for talks last week."

Hope flickered across her face for the briefest of seconds. Her face fell in time with my heart. "But you quit the firm, Edward."

"I did, and Scott made it quite clear that because of my decision to leave, he would not have anything to do with the case. I'm sorry. Me quitting my job may have just cost you your job."

Izzy was quiet as she digested the news. Finally she broke the silence. "Well there are other jobs out there, right? It's not a big deal."

"It's my fault," I pleaded.

"Your boss sounds like he's kind of an asshole."

I laughed gently. "Yeah, just a bit."

"Well then good riddance to him."

"But, Izzy, your job—"

"I'd rather have you," she whispered before her courage failed and her cheeks became inflamed with crimson. "Alice says that job wasn't good for you."

"It wasn't." I wondered how long Alice had known this as I remembered her constant nagging about my career.

"Why did you quit? I mean, what exactly pushed you over the edge?" I inhaled deeply. "You don't have to tell me if you don't want to," Izzy stammered, blushing.

"No, I want to. I want to tell you everything, Izzy. I want to know you and I want you to know me even though . . ."

"It's scary as hell?"

"Yeah." I laughed in relief and felt her hand squeeze mine. "Um, Scott asked me to take a case that I refused to take. Really it wasn't quitting so much; it was closer to being forced out. I was fed an ultimatum, and I made my choice."

"What was the case?"

"Do you remember at the party?" My heart took off and I felt my anxiety level spike. "I, I told you about when I was at school and . . ." She nodded. "One of the guys, _the_ guy really, apparently ran into some trouble with the law." I laughed bitterly.

"And they wanted you to defend him? The bastard who tortured you for so long?" Izzy looked horrified when I confirmed it. "Oh God, Edward, I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault. I've been defending trash like him for years. I suppose it was only a matter before it all hit too close to home." I laughed dryly than winced in pain.

Izzy gasped. "Are you okay?" Panting from the pain, I nodded. "This is all my fault," she repeated softly. Her silky finger traced around a butterfly suture across my temple.

"It's not."

"Why would you want to be with me after all this?" Her eyes fell to my chest, and she refused to meet my gaze as she awaited my answer.

"Isabella, there is so much more to you than just your past. I hope you'll believe the same of me."

Her eyes found mine and a sad smile crossed her face. "Of course, Edward."

"So we're still on for tomorrow?"

Nodding, she instinctively bit her lip. I pulled her closer and freed the delectable ruby flesh from its snow-white cage. "Don't do that." My voice was barely audible as I leaned in. I hesitated inches from her face to inhale the scent of her beauty. "Isabella." Her name tasted like nectar on my lips, and I longed for the sweetness of her kiss. It took all my strength to keep myself from pulling her into my lap as I leaned in closer. My lips found hers, and I forced myself to kiss her chastely and softly. Her body responded slowly, but as her courage grew, her hands found their way into my hair. When her eagerness became more apparent, I allowed myself to deepen the kiss, teasing her perfect lips with my tongue. She opened herself willingly to me and our mouths rejoiced in the tender reunion.

The sound of a throat being cleared broke us apart. We were granted another brief second caught in each other's gaze before we both turned to the doorway where my sister, Tim and a man I recognized as Izzy's father were standing. The last looked decidedly awkward, but Tim and Alice, sporting her own brace, were smiling.

Stepping into the room, Charlie muttered, "Um, well, Izzy, now that you know your _attorney_ is feeling better—"

"Boyfriend." The correction tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop to think. Izzy turned back to me, raising her eyebrows in surprise. "I mean, if you, I . . ." I whispered under my breath, terrified she would deny it.

Relief flooded me when she squeezed my hand. "Yes, Dad. My boyfriend, Edward, is doing much better. He's actually been discharged, so he'll be heading home too."

"Oh? And where does he live?" Chief Swan asked pointedly as he stared at me.

"About 10 blocks from Izzy with my _sister_," I replied, indicating I had gotten the hint that I would not be accompanying his daughter home.

"Oh, right. Well I got an early flight, Iz. You ready?"

'Um, yeah." She looked disappointed as she stood, and did not let go of my hand. "So I'll see you. . ."

"Tomorrow," I promised.

"Your hands?"

"Have been through worse. I believe I owe you a concert." She blushed, and I pulled her down for a quick kiss on the cheek. "Good night, Isabella."

"Good night."

* * *

**Piano concert and Art show next chapter! I think it's about time we cleared a certain mystery up, don't you?**


	31. Chapter 30

**Thank you for sticking with me. I do appreciate it. Now that my schedule is back to normal, I should be posting every 2 weeks or so. There are not too many chapters left. **

**Enjoy.**

**Last time on I Know Those Eyes…**

_"So we're still on for tomorrow?"_

_ Nodding, she instinctively bit her lip. I pulled her closer and freed the delectable ruby flesh from its snow-white cage. "Don't do that." My voice was barely audible as I leaned in._

_ The sound of a throat being cleared broke us apart. We were granted another brief second caught in each other's gaze before we both turned to the doorway where my sister, Tim and a man I recognized as Izzy's father were standing. The last looked decidedly awkward, but Tim and Alice, sporting her own brace, were smiling._

_ Stepping into the room, Charlie muttered, "Um, well, Izzy, now that you know your attorney is feeling better—" _

_ "Boyfriend." The correction tumbled out of my mouth before I could stop to think. Izzy turned back to me, raising her eyebrows in surprise. "I mean, if you, I . . ." I whispered under my breath, terrified she would deny it._

_ Relief flooded me when she squeezed my hand. "Yes, Dad. My boyfriend, Edward, is doing much better. He's actually been discharged, so he'll be heading home too."_

_ "Oh? And where does he live?" Chief Swan asked pointedly as he stared at me._

_ "About 10 blocks from Izzy with my sister," I replied, indicating I had gotten the hint that I would not be accompanying his daughter home._

_ "Oh, right. Well I got an early flight, Iz. You ready?"_

_ 'Um, yeah." She looked disappointed as she stood, and did not let go of my hand. "So I'll see you. . ."_

_ "Tomorrow," I promised._

_ "Your hands?"_

_ "Have been through worse. I believe I owe you a concert." She blushed, and I pulled her down for a quick kiss on the cheek. "Good night, Isabella."_

_ "Good night."_

**Chapter 30**

**EPOV**

My heart was pounding in my ears as I climbed the last set of stairs to Izzy's apartment. I wanted to blame it on the large bag I was carrying, but, truthfully, my nerves were partially to blame. After returning from the hospital, I had been exhausted and given up on any further progression that evening with the piece I intended to play.

My arm, still technically meant to be in a sling, had made practice this morning difficult and painful, but Alice's advice seemed to have improved my playing. _Now I guess it's do or die, Edward,_ I thought.

I was panting by the time I reached Izzy's door. Leaning the bag against the wall with a gentle thud, I took a moment to try and catch my breath. Spots had started dancing before my eyes. Before I could even think about knocking, Izzy had ripped the door open and was smiling nervously at me. "You came," she said quietly.

"Of course I did," I replied, still breathing hard.

Her smile faded as she took in the sight of me. "Are you okay?"

"Great, I . . ." I gestured to the bag still leaning up against the hallway wall. "It's really heavy."

Izzy stared at the package quizzically. "What is that?"

"Keyboard," was all I managed.

"You brought a keyboard?"

"Mountain, Mohammed." I waved my hand, hoping she'd follow my train of thought before it derailed.

Shaking her head, she stepped aside. "Edward, come in. Please go sit." Nodding, I reached for the bag. "No! I'll get that. You go sit before you pass out."

"It's heavy," I reminded her.

"I'm stronger than you think," she said, smiling.

"I know you are," I whispered softly. We both stopped as our eyes caught; each taking in the other's presence. "Go sit," she finally said gently, ending the moment. I made my way into her living room and collapsed on the couch. She followed behind, lugging the keyboard.

"Where do you want this?"

I waved my hand in indifference. "Wherever. I'll set it up in a bit."

"Do you want something to drink?"

"That would be great."

"Water, milk, um—" she peered into the fridge, "—my dad finished the beer. I have tea," she added hopefully.

"Tea sounds great. Thanks." I watched her put on the kettle and pull a few mugs from the cupboard; all the while remembering the kiss from the night before and my hasty declaration. _Girlfriend . . ._ It didn't sound right. It was juvenile, and didn't seem to truly encapsulate my feelings for the woman who was currently standing by the stove, biting her lip.

It was obvious as she chewed habitually on the poor lip that she was as nervous—if not _more_ so—as I was. I rose swiftly and silently. She jumped when I came up beside her. I cursed silently, reminding myself of what she had faced just the day before. _Of course she's still jumpy, Edward. _

"It's almost ready," she murmured.

"I told you not to do that." She looked up at me, confused. "Your lip. It's all red now. You need to be gentler, Isabella." I ran my thumb across the slightly swollen flesh.

"It's all right." Her eyes dropped to the tea kettle.

"It will be," I whispered as I leaned down and kissed her mouth gently. The kiss was slow and sensuous, and I felt the tension in my shoulders flee as Izzy leaned into me. The warmth of her body pressed against mine made (almost) every muscle relax.

I pulled back slightly to drink in her chocolate brown eyes in all their beauty. She allowed it for the briefest of seconds before propping up on her toes to reach my mouth. I traced her bottom lip with my tongue, teasing, tantalizing, until she whimpered softly.

Finally, unable to resist any longer, I sought her tongue with mine. She moaned into my mouth, and I nearly lost it. My hands dropped to her waist, and then further down and I pulled her closer.

As the kettle began its slow build to a whistle, our kisses grew more urgent. Hands explored, bodies rubbed, tongues teased. Finally, piercing whistle ended our moment. As I reluctantly stepped back, a faint blush spread softy across Izzy's cheeks. "Tea," she whispered and turned back to the stove.

I sighed softly and distracted myself by fumbling with the keyboard bag while Izzy made the tea. I was still struggling with getting the damn stand to stay upright when Izzy set a mug on the counter next to me.

"How's it going?" She was trying hard to hide the amusement on her face as she stared down at me.

"Hey, give me a break." I muttered. "It's harder than it looks, and I haven't done this before."

"You've never set up your own keyboard?" Izzy asked as she made her way around to help me.

"It's only been my keyboard for about 2 hours." I ignored the smirk that crossed her face as she somehow magically got the damn thing to work.

"What?" My confession averted Izzy's attention long enough for the stupid stand to collapse as soon as she released. She frowned at it. "I think it's broken."

"I think I'm returning it," I replied, staring down at the blasted contraption.

"Can you just set the keyboard up on my coffee table?" I was surprised to hear desperation in Izzy's voice. _Does she think I'm just going to give up and leave?_ I thought before following her glance at her bedroom.

"Yeah, that'll work." I watched her eagerly clear off the small table in silence. The simple joy at our reunion and the passion of our kiss had now dissolved into nervousness as we both realized the time was upon us.

I felt my hands grow clammy as I pulled the keyboard out of its bag. Dragging it over to the small coffee table, I winced as I tried to lift it. Izzy quickly jumped to help, and we balanced it in silence. Sitting on the small couch, I fiddled with my sheet music, while Izzy sat across from me.

Organizing myself did not take long enough and, before I realized it, I was ready to play. My nerves had peaked and my heart was in my throat. Unable to meet Izzy's eyes, I threw myself into the piece, praying I could just make it all the way through.

**IPOV**

Edward's opening notes were soft and hesitant. As the music slowly began to develop, I felt the harmony laced with a bittersweet melancholy wash over me. Edward sat on my couch, with his eyes closed, as his fingers danced across the keys. Captivated, I watched the mask slowly fall away. Finally, the real Edward—_my _Edward—sat before me. I felt the sting of hesitant tears whisper against my lashes.

When the song ended, I felt my heart pang with sadness. Edward's eyes remained steadfastly on his sheet music as the last notes floated around us. I hastily wiped my cheek where one lone tear had escaped. Glancing at Edward, I saw his jaw was set and his face, expressionless.

"That was beautiful, Edward. You did a wonderful job."

His eyes found mine in an instant. "Really?"

"Yes, Edward." I smiled softly. "What was it? I didn't recognize it."

"It's called 'Solveig's Sang.' It's from the play, _Peer Gynt_."

"It sounds . . ." I dropped off, searching for the right word. "Well melancholy, I guess, but there are parts that sound hopeful. It was incredible."

"It's a song about the bitter sweetness of lost love, of how if you love someone enough you want . . . _need_ them to be happy even if they aren't with you. I—" Edward broke off and began shuffling with his papers.

I watched him in silence. When he had straightened and re-straightened his sheet music, he exhaled loudly and his eyes found mine. "The premise sounds fascinating," I said.

"It is. The lyrics to that song aren't always included in a staging of the actual play, but—"

"There are lyrics?"

"Um, well yes. I'm not . . . I'm not really a singer."

"Could you read them?" I asked, anxious lest our moment end too soon.

"Well, I can't read Norwegian."

I feigned shock at his admission before rolling my eyes. "Well, strangely enough, I don't understand Norwegian, so maybe you could read a translation?"

He gave a small laugh before nodding and reaching for his keyboard bag. "I might have a copy." He pulled out a slightly wrinkled piece of paper and tossed the keyboard bag back down on the floor.

Edward cleared his throat and took a deep breath. He glanced at me and gave me a soft smile that quickly vanished. Another deep breath, and then he nodded silently to himself and began reading:

"Perchance both winter and spring will pass,  
And next summer, and the entire year: —  
But at last you will come, that I know for sure;  
And I'll still be waiting, for I once promised I would.  
God give you strength, wherever in the world you go!  
God give you joy, when you stand before his judgment seat!  
Here I'll wait until you come again;  
And if you are waiting up above, there we'll meet, my love!"

"Edward . . ." I bit my lip and considered the music again. "It fits so well."

Edward's face drained of color. The hand that held the sheet of paper trembled slightly as he stared at me, his eyes searching mine.

"The lyrics and the music, they fit beautifully with each other," I explained. "What?"

"Oh, nothing." Blood began to return to Edward's cheeks and he smiled at me. "You're right and I'm glad you liked it."

I laughed nervously and rose. "I guess it's that time. My painting is in my room."

"Izzy, can we talk?" Edward asked at the same time.

"Oh yeah. Of course." His tone made me nervous.

"Sorry, your painting! I didn't mean to disregard it." Edward rose to his feet quickly and headed towards my bedroom door.

I followed and he slowed, waiting for me just outside my room. _The painting is not nearly as good as his playing. Fuck, Izzy, he's going to hate it. _I tried to recall Alice's words from the evening before, but it seemed like it had been weeks since our take-out dinner. Jacob had overshadowed everything. _Jacob. . ._ I felt my heart seize as I remembered the cruel words he had spat at me when he caught me painting. _Stall!_ I knew there was no backing out, and Edward's request to talk was almost as daunting as showing him my painting.

I debated as I opened the door and finally decided which would be easier. "What _did_ you want to talk about, Edward?" Every nerve in my body tingled in the silence that followed.

"Isabella." Edward's voice was barely audible though he was inches from me. His eyes bore holes in me and I was afraid to meet their gaze.

"Edward," was all I could manage in return. It was a plea of desperation.

He swallowed hard. "I just, I just need to know what happened last time. I mean, when you were at my apartment. I need to know what I did, why you left. I don't blame you, I just—" He paused and took a deep breath. "Izzy, whatever it was, I don't want to do it again. I can't lose you. Just tell me what I did and I swear I'll never do it again."

I felt the blood drain from my face and my stomach dropped. _The photo. . ._ I'd been trying to ignore it, all the while knowing I had to ask him about it. _Here's your chance, Izzy,_ my inner bitch chided.

My heart rate accelerated and I tried to find the right words. Keeping my eyes trained on the door jamb, I opened my mouth. Nothing came out.

"Izzy, please." I heard the pleading in his voice. "We, we can take this as slow as you want. I can, I _will_ wait for you. Please, Izzy. Whatever you need. I just need you in my life, whatever part you'll allow me to have, I—"

"You called me Bella. Jacob—" My voice sounded strange, choked. "And . . . that photo."

"Oh God. I'm sorry. You remind me of someone I knew, Izzy. I'm so sorry about the slip-up. I should—" He paused. "What photo?"

"The photo." I swallowed and tried again. "The photo in your room on your bedside table."

"Oh . . . yeah." Edward sounded taken aback. "I, yeah, that's kind of weird, huh? Um it's a sentimental thing. It's, I . . ." He sighed. "It's kind of hard to explain. See, when I was a kid, um, I—" He broke off.

_Kind of hard to explain?_ My fear dissolved into anger and I scoffed. "Edward, I think it's a valid question. Why do you have that photo?" I glared up at him, determined to get an explanation. He wasn't even looking at me. His eyes were focused on some spot in my room.

"Edward! Answer me."

"What?" He stared hard at whatever excuse he was using to deflect me.

"Edward, why do you have a photo of me as a child in your _bedroom_? Why do you have a photo of me as a child at all? Where the hell did you get it?"

"Is that your painting?" He side-stepped me and entered my room.

"Edward!" My blood boiled as he continued to evade my question and walked further into my room. I followed swiftly.

Edward gasped sharply when the full canvas came into his line of sight. He reached for it with one hand but pulled back abruptly just before his fingers brushed the canvas.

"Edward!" My voice rose nearly an octave and he seemed to finally hear me. I echoed his gasp as he turned towards me, cheeks streaked with tears.

"You're her. Your painting. You're her."

"Edward, what are you talking about? You haven't answered my question." I tried to sound fierce, but the sight of Edward crying tugged at my heart.

"You're her," he repeated, turning back to the canvas. This time his fingers found the waves of dried paint with no hesitation. Ignoring the green-eyed boy that dominated the canvas, he focused instead on the small girl in the background.

"Ha!" I jumped at his short laugh. Turning, he said, "The bucket!" He pointed at it before laughing sadly and focusing back on the artwork.

"Edward. Edward."

He turned back towards me finally, his green eyes sparkling with a few tears not yet shed. "It's beautiful," he whispered.

"Thank you," I replied automatically. "Edward, please."

"Yes, my love?" His eyes found mine, and I had to catch my breath at the depth of emotion in them.

"You need to . . ." I dropped off as he strode towards me. His hand stroked my cheek gently. Part of me wanted to flinch at his touch; the rest melted beneath his fingertips.

"Anything, Isabella. Anything for you."

"Answer my question," I said, trying rather unsuccessfully to be forceful.

"Your question?" Edward paused.

"Why do you have a picture of me as a child on your bedside table?" Edward chuckled softly. "It's not funny. It's . . . creepy!"

"I apologize if that upset you, Isabella, but I have a picture of you because . . . well—" he glanced back at the painting, "— because you gave it to me." Tears still shimmered in his eyes as he gazed at me.

"I did not."

"You did, a long time ago." He glanced back at the painting. "I never thought . . . I figured if you remembered, you would have recognized me, so I didn't know it was you. I'm sorry, Bella."

I shied away from the old nickname. "What are you talking about?"

Edward turned back to the painting. "That day. The photo, it was in your bucket. You left it there and then your parents were in such a hurry to leave, you forgot it." A shadow crossed his face but he fought it off and forced a smile. "But you're here now, that's what matters. You're her and you're here."

"That was a dream," I whispered as my eyes trailed across my painting.

"It wasn't. It was real. I remember every detail, right down to that ugly brown-check blanket your mother set up right next to ours."

I gasped. "But the photo, I don't understand—"

"I'm in it too, though I wasn't quite as dashing as you've painted me." Edward smiled and reached into his back pocket.

"You carry it around with you?" I shook my head and tried to process everything.

"The one in my room is a restoration. I keep the original in my wallet. Probably not the best place for it, but . . ."

He handed me an old, faded Polaroid. The brown haired girl stared up at me. My breath caught in my throat as I looked past her and saw small, pale boy sitting behind her. He was clearly annoyed as he glared at the camera. Behind, nearly faded from an age, a similarly pale woman slept in a beach chair.

"Your mother, she was sick."

"She died a few months after that," Edward said quietly.

Tears sprung into my eyes. "I thought it was a dream," I whispered, pleading with him to understand.

"Me too, until I found the photo and the bucket last month."

"The bucket?" I asked incredulously.

"The orange bucket"— he gestured to the painting—"is back at my apartment too. What do you remember of that day?"

I could see the eagerness in his eyes and I hated to disappoint him. "Not much, really. Um, seaweed? That's stupid, I know." Edward's laughter cut me off. "What?" I asked unable to stop myself from returning his grin.

"We had a seaweed fight. I think I won," he added cockily.

"Um, no I distinctly recall that _I_ won that fight."

"Oh really? I thought you didn't remember much?"

"That part I definitely remember." We both giggled, and another vision of green-eyed boy sitting by a tide pool washed over me. I bit my lip as the laughter faded.

"What is it?" Edward asked.

"Tell me."

"Tell you what?"

"Tell me about that day. I can only recall bits and pieces. I dream about it, but it always fades when I wake up. Tell me," I pleaded, suddenly desperate to know.

Edward smiled softly and led me to my bed. He sat, leaning against the headboard and patted the bed next to him. "Sit."

Heat crept across my cheeks, but I crawled up next to him. Leaning into him, I rested my cheek against his warm chest. He wrapped his arm gingerly around me and pulled me closer before beginning.

"You were a vision, wrapped in silk the color of the sun."

"I was wearing a yellow bathing-suit, Edward."

"Shh. Don't interrupt." I snorted but let him continue. Closing my eyes, I listened closely as Edward relayed the tale, more than a little embellished, of our first meeting. As he spoke, my hazy recollections solidified and I could almost smell the salty brine of the sea.

"You were the most beautiful girl in the world, my Bella, and you saved my life," Edward finished quietly.

"Saved your life?" Lifting my head, I looked at him and was surprised to see both our eyes glittering with unshed tears.

"I used to write to you. I didn't have your address, but I wrote anyway, and—" A splash of color appeared across his perfect cheekbones.

"And?"

"And," he sighed. "I used to imagine you were writing me, that you would have comforted me about . . . everything. I pretended I was holding your hand at my mother's funeral." Edward broke off and looked away.

"I'm sorry I forgot." Edward's shirt was damp with my tears before I even realized I was crying. "I should have—"

"No, love. It's okay," he whispered, leaning down to kiss away my tears. He grimaced in pain and I sat up immediately. "It's okay. I'm all right." He pulled me back down into his arms. "I forgot you for a long time too, Bella. They used to call you my imaginary friend. Our time was so brief . . . I guess I just believed them after awhile."

He fell silent as we lay there, clinging to each other, basking in each other's presence.

"I love you, Bella."

"I love you too, Edward."

**Thank you.**


End file.
